Let's Play The Dig - Spielburg Really Has a Thing for ET, doesn't he?

This is as far as 12-year-old Taoster got without a walkthrough. I recall the rest of the game being very geometric.

They seem very chill about all of this. Could have used a fourth guy to scream and then rock catatonically in the corner.

For real. Never have three people traveled at FTL speeds across the galaxy so prosaically.

Remember this? I did, eventually! Last time we left Low, Brink, and Maggie had just been transplanted to an alien world in parts unknown!

Low starts off by trying to eat some of the local flora:



Well, I TRIED to make him eat some of the local flora... Next he investigates the dias they landed here on:





Low is such a neanderthal. With nothing else to really do here Low decides to do some exploring... But of course the peanut gallery he dragged halfway across the galaxy have something to say about that:













Sheesh! Now will you both shut up and just follow me blindly?

Low thought he had finally got Brink to follow along but the haughty German just had to get the last word in:



I'm beginning to suspect some of these people never should have passed their psych and team evaluations...



That's it? Travelling light years across time and space only to find yourself stuck in giant hole on an alien planet... We've got a couple of options though. We can go left to that little bump, or up to that other bump, and finally up and to the right to that final little bump. Choices!

Low goes left:







Of course they're gone Low! This isn't Halo. It's a Lucasfilm adventure game. you're all perfectly safe and sound. Regardless of where you find yourself.



Going into a wrecked alien space ship does seem like a good idea! What could go wrong?



Low must come from the HP Lovecraft school of storytelling.





Brink doesn't. As the geologist/archeologist pokes around Low gets bored and starts yanking on things:



Nothing wrong with that!

And with that Low tugs:



That seems normal. Nothing to see here. Move along Low.









These idiots are never getting off this planet, are they?





Low picks up the wire and the weird thing that seemed to pop out of the "electrical discharge."





Nope, they're all dead. Low looks at the item:



Thanks for the description Low.

Low continues poking around the wreck:





I don't know Low. I think that giant arrow in the middle of it might be a clue... Low and company poke around a little but there doesn't seem to be anything else to do at the wreck. So they leave and head up:



(There's a rat/mouse like creature behind the text in that image.



Nope they're talking about the bones. Somehow oblivious to all the alien creatures scurrying about them.





Finally! Thank you! If this is the best Earth had to send out... Now let's wreck it!



Yup, that's what Low is doing. Man of action!



And the best place to find something that will send us across the cosmos is a space rats warren.





Is the whole game going to be like this? These two macho men dick waving at each other?

Brink shuts up but you can tell he doesn't like it. Just sitting there glaring at Low:



Wait, weren't you tossing the dirt over your shoulder? How did it get over ther...?



Cool, huh?



Not content with merely digging up alien bones. Now Low wants to take them with him:







Turns out it doesn't matter what kind of alien it belonged to. It's all going into Low's voluminous pockets and used later in ridiculous puzzles!

Next week we explore the final mystery spot in SPACE HOLE!



See you then!

I'm excited.

Are you excited? I am. I'm excited.

Even imaginary characters are aghast at what Falselogic considers fit for human consumption.

That certainly fits what I remember of it.

We last left our "heroes" on a mysterious planet in a very large, but still mysterious hole surrounded by three mysterious spots. They've already investigated two of them. At those other two mystery spots, they found a mysterious spaceship (I assume) wreck and at the other mysterious bones.

What mysteries will they find at the final location?





After some more poking around and not finding anything to interact with I do that time honored thing every adventure game player does. I start going through my inventory. Eventually, I get to that weird orb we found in the ship:



Let's wreck it!





"yeah, fuck this planet"





And that's that. There are no more mysteries in this mysterious hole! The trio wander back to the raised platform they came in on:



As soon as they show up that "Weather phenomenon" from the spaceship shows up again!





Everyone seems mostly cool with it.



These are the dumbest astronauts NASA ever sent into space...

"Get off my lawn," I'm guessing...



Never have I seen such fantastic logical fallacies thrown out so quickly





Yes, this is the appropriate time to make fun of space ghosts. Right after you've been slingshot across the galaxy...



Low tries to investigate the spot where the "mystery phenomenon" disappeared:



So, Low does what he now does best! DIGS! Now I know where that name comes from!





I don't like Brink but he has a point...





Happy to defer to the "expert."



I'm so glad that my identification of a hole has now been confirmed by an expert. And that Mom has chimed in to be careful!

Now we get to watch an expert at work!



Every human on this planet could die and I'd be okay with it. I'd say Brink was being sarcastic but he's German so that's impossible.









Sure you were Low. Also, how about all that expertise? "Everything I do is careful!" pfft... One down, two to go.



The yellow rubble road built on Brink's body!

He's dead Low. Now you have only yourself to wave your dick at.



If all of you had been digging I would have already won this game!



Again, someone fundamentally misunderstands the hierarchical structures.



Are you, though? Not much has been done here today that would support that "responsible" part you mentioned Maggie...



Yes, dividing the party is ALWAYS the best choice when in a hostile, alien environment. Why wasn't Maggie leading this mission from the start?



That is because you are not a complete idiot Low.







Seems like that was an oversight in the planning of this mission and its secret mission aspect.



And I want to die alone on this planet from some unnameable monstrosity I'm sure to run into I will!

You already said that.



That'll show here Low.



Yet, somehow you were chosen for a mission in SPACE where you would have to work intimately with a team of other people! Who fell asleep for months at NASA?!



You're terrible at this Low.

Tune in next time to see what these two numbskulls find beneath the surface of this alien planet! Hopefully, no one dies?

When last we left Brink had died, Maggie had bailed, and Low was trying to figure out how things had gone so terribly wrong... We pick up right there:



Right next to Brink's body we find a plate, similar to the ones on the asteroid:



Low heads to the left with nothing else to do or go on around the body. There are some glowing plants and doors. He is unable to open any of the doors right now though:



Next to the doors are these panels:



Clicking the red crystals alters their shape and color. Must be some kind of passcode system? Low keeps walking left until he finds another of those rods, this one is purple:





The crystals on the rod sort of looks like the crystals on the doors... hmm... I try to fiddle around with it but there doesn't seem to be any power going to the doors or the crystals. Low keeps exploring until:

Geez, you're needy Boston

Well, this is the power room. That's for sure. And we have two control boxes here. The one in the center has buttons and colors and the other one drops a diamond thingy. Playing around with them Low discovers that this is the extraterrestrial version of a 'Claw game.' One of the consoles, the button was inputs directions for the claw and the other one deploys it. So here we go:



The code to retrieve the only sprite I can see down there is this:



Which translates into left five times, down twice, and grab:





Hrm, welp. That didn't go as well as I thought it would. The claw just went back into its home without giving me the thing I picked up...

Turns out! You don't want that thing anyway! I guess its some sort of lense? And you've got to put it back down there but just in the right place. Notice how the energy is going up and in except for that one beam on the left? Yeah... That's bad. And Low has to fix it:





Viola! Things are humming up here! Before we head back up though:



We find a thing!

And like in every good adventure game we take the thing!



This place didn't need the light anyway! Back up! Maybe we can operate the door panels now?



Lots of power here now! The rod was by that pillar and it definitely didn't have enrgy coursing through it before!

We go with the door to the left of the ramp:



And as I reminisced earlier:



These things look very much alike!



I play around with the shaped until I get them to match the rod and then:



It opens!





If you'd just walk through it we would all find out Low!



Poor Low. He's never going to get that sandwich!



Ha! Low doesn't bother with 'hellos' or 'how are yous' just right into bragging about what he's figured out! Oh also it's are favorite living person - awful crewmate #2




Why is that hard to believe? We're on an alien planet. That so far has been chock-a-block full of alien technology. This is probably the most believable thing you could possibly say right now Robbins.

The condescension that constantly drips out of the voice of Robbins is really distracting. All I can do when I listen to it is ask myself 'How in the Gods' names did she get put on this mission? Every time she opens her mouth I just know she is going to have a bad idea or call me a shitheel.





See?!

Anyway, tune in next time as these two idiots continue to bumble around an alien planet! If we're lucky maybe another one will die?

Huh. Wasn't expecting anyone to die quite that early on, although I don't even know how long the game is.

However, I will be totally un-surprised if the miraculous alien technology also revives him later on.

I think this is around the time that I tapped out on this game the last time I tried to play it. It's basically what happens if you take a typical LucasArts game but remove all charm, humour, or Indiana Jones racing camels. And that last set of puzzles was way too Myst-y for my tastes.

It is very much a "serious" game.

A quick recap! Astronauts sent to check out an asteroid. Astronauts discover the asteroid is maybe not natural. They blow it up. They then activate it. They end up on an alien planet! One of them dies. The remaining two astronauts split up!

Also all of the astronauts are awful! We last left our "heroes" chatting at each other through their "iphones." We pick up with them still talking.

Also, also Robbin is still terrible.





This is not how you plan things when on a hostile alien planet! This is all wrong! Things don't just happen!



With that Boston hangs up on Robbin and gets back to exploring the room he opened up last time.



And really there isn't much here but that glowing thing. So you know he's gonna touch it!







A hamster wheel. Advanced alien intelligences travel by hamster wheel...

(This is a really long hamster wheel video. Much longer than it needed to be.)





(See?! And I cut out a lot of shots!)





(Dad jokes.jpg)

So Boston is now somewhere else. Apparantly some place an ocean away? Is that what the video clip was trying to tell us? Maybe it was just a large body of water?

Regardless he is in this new place and the first thing he is going to try and do is open that door in the bottom right of the screen:





With no luck he gives up and moves deeper into the complex...



Or right out of it?



I don't think swimming is going to accomplish anything. Upwards then:

I'm pretty sure Brink died because he was an insufferable prick. (Oh! If only life worked like that.) Despite that Boston checks out the panel the "ghost" highlighted:





Simple enough, right? Looks like some sort of bridge apparatus? That connects these five towers to some center complex? Which one is Boston on though? He hits the switch to find out:



Looks like he's on one of the spires. It is hard to tell from the screenshot but that shows Boston walking from the most right tower towards the center on the 'light' bridge.



Towards that Crystal Form, apparantly?



I got to hand it to Boston. I'd be freaking out walking along a tiny light bridge that I could see through and had no safety railings...



How can you tell?!



Alright, there doesn't seem to be anything to do out at the Crystal Form. Perhaps Boston has to activate the other bridges? I send him back where he came though for now.



With everywhere else explored Boston heads into the door behind the 'light' bridge.



Turns out Boston, and the writers at LucasArts believe in the Lovecraft belief in transmission through murals! Better start understanding the complete history of an alien species by looking at some wall art!



"hmmm"

Boston loots the first area of the room and then moves deeper into the room:









Did you get all that readers? Because Boston did!

Find out what he learned next time!

On Hiatus

Just kidding! Back again!

When last we saw our team of inadvertant interstellar explorers one of them had tripped and broke his neck, one had decided wandering off by herself was a good idea, and the leader of the expedition had sort of just shrugged and let it all happen.

Said leader, Boston, then went poking around trying to find who knows what and somehow found himself in crappy alien dime theater watching what I can only assume is the art project of a xenos film student. We now go back to Boston viewing yet another "video"







I think you just watched the worker training video for some sort of defunct Space McDonalds. I'm really trying to understand Boston's thought process here... There's no remains in the room so what does he think is getting buried?



Having exhuasted the collection of videos Boston movies deeper into the complex. (Also, it took me forever to find that door. It just looks like angles of rocks. If I hadn't been scanning with the mouse over the screen looking for interactive objects I would have missed it.)





There's the interesting interpersonal dialogue that makes me want to drown this team in river!



And it just keeps coming!



Wait, what? I thought it was a burial chamber? And how is this a library?! And even if it is, why would this room's proximity to the "musuem" make it a library?! I'm not even going to start on how disjointed and unconnected these rooms are. There is no theme or overarching flow to any of it. This room looks NOTHING like the one it is supposedly right next to. Not even the rock appears to be the same color!



I know its been a couple months since I played this part. But, how did Maggie get here if she didn't come the same way Boston did? They both left the same place. Unless she found an additional tram system than the one Boston did that also happens to connect this place to the place where she left Boston?

Why is this information being conveyed to me?



Just a few more hours and Im sure I'll figure out this root system!



But she already knows how! She just goes back the way she came!

Having reached my limits of these two pretending to have a human interaction I take Boston back to the Burial Ground/Musuem:



Where Boston grabs another one of those key rods



Yes, Boston another "engravings-on-a-stick" except nothing is engraved into the surface of the stick and instead the rod has a series of shapes that change if you touch them. But we'll call it the "engravings-on-a-stick."



Okay, well this is all a bust. And Boston learned something from those art-films that perhaps you fine reader did not. I'll give you a couple minutes to think about it.
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Got it? Good job! I knew my readers were all incredibly intelligent and attractive people!















That's right! We've brought the most annoying person on this planet back to life! How? Who knows! Probably because Boston took film crit back in undergrad!

And now the game explains to us what we already know... This is some storytelling!

And now the original awful team is all back together. To muck their way through a dead world!