Don't Panic! Let's Play The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

I'd be reading this and I'm sure I will but. I'm actually playing this game myself right now so. I'm avoiding this thread for now.

But, please carry on!

this puzzle must be responsible for some explicatives.

cleaning robots clean things...
> put junk mail on robot panel

Seems reasonable to me You'll have to keep us posted on your progress.

Episode 4

Well that doesn’t seem to unreasonable considering what we’ve already gone through.

Vogon Hold
There is a satchel here.
Ford is in the corner, snoring loudly.
In the corner is a glass case with a switch and a keyboard.
It looks like the glass case contains:
an atomic vector plotter
Along one wall is a tall dispensing machine.

>move ford
You can't move Ford Prefect.

An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "Ei sl mirbw cp wi lo sfimo tfim ou ntruthao tflutoyeftthaorkkon oa rollkwaollp wi simbthatoywro ofudirbtoyollhuvo toshtrucavtha oi sd tvuperlgryquio so squia r oquioshfudirbd timbu nwrohuve h oo serloshz zoshr gtoyolla rz z ochoa bwrofluollgrychoe hoshd t oa bfudgrycavkwakwaoshollkonx j os gkwachoo tx jx jw ceftcavimb."

I guess it WAS unreasonable, and now something is coming over the PA. I bet it’s important, too bad I can’t understand a word of it! Well let me take a seat and try it again.

>sit in front of robot panel
You'd never be able to push the dispenser button from there. You're getting close, though.

An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "Etrukwazitimbollvupkonhuvflugry ogryquiw cvupgrykwaa rimbgryeft okontoyi strux jerlp wl mkonp w okwafudx jl mkwathaziti si so s oz za rzitthax jvupd ti li lz z oorki la bu nefteftgryp werlosh ovupfudcavo si so si sa rcavtha oollthar gwrox jwroollchoa rkwa ofluthakwawrothaw cr gvupfime h ochotruorko sollorka rtrua rkwa."

That was… nice of the game to tell me that. Now if I just knew what they were saying!

Hum, two votes for the junk mail, so that has to be the right answer!

>put junk mail in front of robot panel
Okay, the loose pile of junk mail is sitting in front of the tiny robot panel.

An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "Ecaveftkwachoz zimbz zkoni lkon oz za rcavthaimbwrotoyvupe hz z ochofluorkfuda rtruthaquiw ce h oquis gu ntoyulpchos gorkcavi l oulpulpquitruzitl mollquikwap w oorke hl mgryfudchoquir gquierl oulpa ba bvupo so ss geftu nu n okwap wi ltoyquil mquioshtoye h ooshe hirba bi lolll me hd tfim okwahuvtoytoykwaflutruchoi lgry."

>press dispenser button
A single babel fish shoots out of the slot. It sails across the room and hits the dressing gown. The fish slides down the sleeve of the gown and falls to the floor, landing on the towel. A split second later, a tiny cleaning robot whizzes across the floor, grabs the fish, and continues its breakneck pace toward a tiny robot panel at the base of the wall. The robot zips around a loose pile of junk mail, through the panel, and is gone.

An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "Ewrofuda btoyx joshz zo squikwa oimba bgryfluhuvd ti lfude hgry oollfimulpa bflus gtoyd tu nl m ogryefte hz zfimgrya ri lr gflu othafimr gu nr ghuvthao sa ri l oolli shuvtrutruorkkonl mu nl m oa rfudu nfudirbcavkwau ncavoll ou no ttoyefte hz zi skonfluzit ox jwroulpx ji lulpd tchoo tflu oorkfimzitx jkonimbkwaa bu nimb."

Well… looks like the junk mail isn’t quite bulky enough to block the panel. Anyone have any other suggestions?

Puzzles:
Getting a babel fish

Inventory:
no tea
The Hitchhiker's Guide
an electronic Sub-Etha signaling device
a loose pile of junk mail
a toothbrush
a flathead screwdriver

Score:
Your score is 33 of a possible 400, in 54 turns.

Deaths: 1 (Allergy to not eating Peanuts)

> scatter junk mail

Hmm. Any way to wedge or close the panel with the screwdriver?

Really, I think we had the right idea with blocking the panel. The robot went right around the junk mail, but it still went for the panel. Ford's not gonna move, so what's the next biggest thing at our disposal? Satchel, perhaps?

Have you played this game before or is your head just wired with Infocom logic?

This is as far as I ever got in this game. Can you push the button while sitting with your ear next to where the fish comes out?

You can
>put hand on dispenser slot.
(It doesn't help, because it's not sufficiently wacky.)

I've never played this game, but I have played just about every adventure game released between 1989 and 1995. Sideways logic for puzzle solutions has pretty well been ingrained into me. Hey, this puzzle so far actually has clues to what you should do that make sense. Compare that to some of the crap you have to do in King's Quest games, and you'll realize that this one is just tedious since it's basically a Mouse Trap scenario (ie. you have to set up a ludicrously complex series of events, Rube Goldberg-style, to accomplish a goal that should be possible much more simply).

So far this one isn't too bad. You want to see ludicrous levels of Rube Goldberg in a puzzle solution, you should see the basement puzzle in The Riddle of Master Lu.

Episode 5

>scatter junk mail
I don't know the word "scatter"

If it was only that easy.

That has some possibilities, at least it’s worth a try.

>wedge panel with screwdriver
I don't know the word "wedge".

>close panel with screwdriver
That sentence isn't one I recognise.

>lock panel with screwdriver
Not bloody likely.

Sadly it’s not possible enough. Well dang it.

That sounds both reasonable and logical… there is no way in the world in which that could work.

>get satchel
Taken.

An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "El mkoncavvupolleftr gr gwrotru ozitkonz zi schoollkwakonerlo s oz zfluo ta be hzitfluflui lhuv oerlollchogrythao tr gu noshcho otrul molla rp whuvtrucavtruflu ochoimbimbefttrus go sulpflugry owroimbi skwathap wtrukonkonflu oquiorkzitulpl mflul mr goshi s oi skwafima bimboshvupkwazittoy oe hw cimbirbl mgryl mtoyd ti s."

>put satchel on panel
Okay, the satchel is lying on its side in front of the tiny robot panel.

An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "Ex ji sz zollgryerlz zi lkone h ox jtoyirbfluo sefttoyeftd ttha oa rimbulphuvi lu nulphuvthax j othaorks gkwad tflufims gfudzit oquitoyquii sw cerlkwai lr gi l oe hquivuperlimbcaveftcavu nork okwafudorko tz zx jw cs gthahuv oquip wx ji lulpa rimbfimcave h oa rchoimbu nquii sflutoyo sz z okwatoyvupi lfudthaoshtrur gfim."

>press dispenser button
A single babel fish shoots out of the slot. It sails across the room and hits the dressing gown. The fish slides down the sleeve of the gown and falls to the floor, landing on the towel. A split second later, a tiny cleaning robot whizzes across the floor, grabs the fish, and continues its breakneck pace toward a tiny robot panel at the base of the wall. The robot plows into the satchel, sending the babel fish flying through the air in a graceful arc. A small upper-half-of-the-room cleaning robot flies into the room, catches the babel fish (which is all the flying junk it can find), and exits.

An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "Eo sa birbw cr gtruo tp we hhuv oerlkwar gvuptoyquioshquierla r ofluu nerld tl mchol mchozitkwa ochoquichofimgryp wo ta bvuptha ol mkwathae hirbimbu nw ca rcho oa bvuporkimbu no tfudeftd to t oi lgrywroolli shuvo sd tgrytoy oerltoyr gw cwros gvupa bhuva b oquiquiwrol mu no tgryo tz zu n okwaeftu no to ta rkwao tfudfim."

You have GOT to be kidding me!

Puzzles:
STILL Getting a babel fish

Inventory:
no tea
The Hitchhiker's Guide
an electronic Sub-Etha signaling device
a loose pile of junk mail
a toothbrush
a flathead screwdriver

Score:
Your score is 33 of a possible 400, in 63 turns.

Deaths: 1 (Allergy to not eating Peanuts)

I've played quite a few, but not that much. And your right, so far this one isn't hitting the levels of moonlogic as a King's Quest game, you really just have to think it through. It's most just tedious.

Can we throw the junk mail into the air to keep the air-cleaning robot busy while the Babel fish falls into whatever's next?

Of course not; you're not thinking Rube-dimensionally! With a Rube Goldberg puzzle (which this quite clearly is), you need to set it up so that all of the pieces are in place BEFORE the event that sets off the chain of events happens. In this case, putting the junk mail where it will go flying at the same time as the Babel Fish is clearly the way to go. The robot dodged the mail on the ground before, and I bet it'd do that again if we tried that.

Tear up the junk mail into confetti and put it on the satchel?

Episode 5

Sadly, I don’t think we have time to do that as everything seems to happen at once, but there is still no hard in trying.

>throw mail into air
A small upper-half-of-the-room cleaning robot flies into the room, collects the loose pile of junk mail in midair, and flashes away.

Well, it seems to like the mail at least… but I’m pretty sure I’m going to need that for the moment. Well, need it as a distraction, not as mail. It’s just mail, no one needs junk mail.

>restore
Okay.

So, what is the next idea?
>tear up junk mail
I don't know the word "tear".

>rip up junk mail
I don't know the word "rip".

>open junk mail
There are many pieces of mail. Most are from some computer company called Infocom which wants you to buy their games. Hidden underneath is an official letter from the local council, dated some two years ago and inexplicably not delivered till now, explaining that a demolition order has been served on your home. The date of demolition is today's date.

An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "Er geftfimimbw cfudvupp wi sr g okonquii limbr gd tx jchoquia r oerlorktoyimbr gfimfluz zkwad t oorki sa bthaorkvuptoyefta bo s okwaulpr gzittruhuvtoytrutruzit otoyu nw chuvx jfluz zu nfudl m ofims gs geftorke hwrocavu nqui ofimo sgryfudzitquierlzitirberl op wi lirbkond tu nollorka bhuv oo sflui so tgryl mfudoshfimfud."

Huh, did see that one coming. I guess Royal Mail is about as efficient as the USPS when it comes to delivering important things. I mean Infocom has been out of business for years now.

So I can’t tear or rip the mail… but I like the idea of putting it on the satchel, shall we try that?

>put mail on satchel
Okay, the loose pile of junk mail is now sitting on the satchel.

An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "Eu nvupimbquierlimbcavfluollork ovups gkwai shuvw co scavimbx j ofudz za bi sfudi leftfluw ctoy oquitrul morke hhuvquiz zcavoll ou nr gi simba berlr gorkollcho or gp ww cwroquip wfuderlkwatoy ou nkwafimfimo soshw corktoygry ox jkwavupquir go tx jo strua r othafimchoquil mulpp wkoncavs g okonx jo tfimgryorki si lerlp w."

>press dispenser button
Click.

An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "Echos gfimchoulpeftirbtruo sork oefthuvirbo ti ll mi lo tulpirb oquio svupeftfuds gimbo to thuv ou nquifimvupchoirbe hollerlcho oe hp woshvupwrow ccaverlwrou n op wquid tzitgryp wimbchoz za b oo tl mcavefttruvuphuvo ss gz z ogryp ww collfimwroulpirbd tcav othairboshl mzitchoflui ltoyork ooshtrutoye hirbo sx ji se hp w."


Click? Click? You mean this dang this is out. How many fish are in this blood dispenser? Answer: enough to work it out by trial and error if you make no mistakes… but we made one mistake up above, so we’re out. Time to save scrum.

Luckily I had something set aside just in case something like this happened.

>restore
Okay.
Vogon Hold
There is a satchel here.
There is a towel here.
Ford is in the corner, snoring loudly.
In the corner is a glass case with a switch and a keyboard.
It looks like the glass case contains:
an atomic vector plotter
Along one wall is a tall dispensing machine.

Back where we started from, now let’s see if we can get this done quickly and easily.

>take satchel
Taken.

>take towel
Taken.

>take off gown
Okay, you're no longer wearing your gown.

>hang gown on hook
The gown is now hanging from the hook, covering a tiny hole.

>put towel on drain
The towel completely covers the drain.

>put satchel against panel
Okay, the satchel is lying on its side in front of the tiny robot panel.

>put mail on satchel
Okay, the loose pile of junk mail is now sitting on the satchel.

An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "Efluthaeftquioshx jkone ha bp w od te hs gorkchoa br gorkolltha ocavgryr go sthatruthaoshi ltru oa br gerlwrohuvo skonolle hkon otrur gcavimbkonollx jx jvupa b ofimo ta bfimthairbo simbflur g ocavulpchop werlflufudw cl mi l oz za bwrou nx ja rcavkone hulp oerlo squifimerlfimr gfudhuvulp ovupflue hcavtrud ttrua befta r."

>press dispenser button
A single babel fish shoots out of the slot. It sails across the room and hits the dressing gown. The fish slides down the sleeve of the gown and falls to the floor, landing on the towel. A split second later, a tiny cleaning robot whizzes across the floor, grabs the fish, and continues its breakneck pace toward a tiny robot panel at the base of the wall. The robot plows into the satchel, sending the babel fish flying through the air in a graceful arc surrounded by a cloud of junk mail. Another robot flies in and begins madly collecting the cluttered plume of mail. The babel fish continues its flight, landing with a loud "squish" in your ear.

An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "This is the Captain. My instruments show that we've picked up a couple of hitchhikers. I hate freeloaders, and when my guards find you I'll have you thrown into space. On second thought, maybe I'll read you some of my poetry first. Repeating..."

And that my friends is how we do that! Of course who would have ever guessed that all that randomness would results in a fish landing in my ear… that would just be crazy wouldn’t it. Even better, it seems to be translating the messages on the intercom.

Of course it’s not really a GOOD message. The guide did warn us about the poetry. Let’s get out of here Ford!

>wake ford
Rather like trying to wake the dead.

An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "This is the Captain. My instruments show that we've picked up a couple of hitchhikers. I hate freeloaders, and when my guards find you I'll have you thrown into space. On second thought, maybe I'll read you some of my poetry first. Repeating..."

Okay, maybe not with you… um

>out
Did you have any particular direction in mind?

An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "This is the Captain. My instruments show that we've picked up a couple of hitchhikers. I hate freeloaders, and when my guards find you I'll have you thrown into space. On second thought, maybe I'll read you some of my poetry first. Repeating..."

How about that way?

>n
You can't go that way.

Guards burst in and grab you and Ford, who comes slowly awake. They drag you down the corridor to a large cabin, where they strap you into large, menacing chairs...

Captain's Quarters, in the poetry appreciation chair
This is the cabin of the Vogon Captain. You and Ford are strapped into poetry appreciation chairs.
The Captain is indescribably hideous, indescribably blubbery, and indescribably mid-to-dark green. He is holding samples of his favourite poetry.


Oh dear… this isn’t going to end well is it.

>look at chair
It's empty (not counting you).

"If he's going to read us his poetry," mutters Ford, sweating profusely, "just pray he softens us up with some cudgels first..."

"Hello, hitchhikers!" begins the Vogon Captain. "I've decided to read you a verse of my poetry!"

I think there is only one reasonable thing to do here.

>yell
You begin to get a sore throat.

"Oh freddled gruntbuggly, thy nacturations are to me!"

>yell
You begin to get a sore throat.

"As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee."

Maybe I should try being unreasonable?

>enjoy poetry
You realise that, although the Vogon poetry is indeed astoundingly bad, worse things happen at sea, and in fact, at school. With an effort for which Hercules himself would have patted you on the back, you grit your teeth and enjoy the stuff.

"Groop I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes."

>enjoy poetry
Hey, let's not overdo it, okay?

"And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles, or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon, see if I don't!"


Okay… that wasn’t as useful as I would hope, and I feel like I threw up a little bit in my soul.

>wait
Time passes...

"You looked like you enjoyed my poem. I think...yes, I think I'll read the NEXT verse, also!"

There’s a next verse?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

>wait
Time passes...

"Fripping lyshus wimbgunts, awhilst moongrovenly kormzibs."

>wait
Time passes...

"Bleem miserable venchit! Bleem forever mestinglish asunder frapt."

>wait
Time passes...

"Gashee morphousite, thou expungiest quoopisk!"

>wait
Time passes...

"Gerond withoutitude form into formless bloit, why not then? Moose."

Vogon: So Earthlings I present you with a simple choice. Think carefully for you hold your very lives in your hands. Now choose: either die in the vacuum of space, or…tell me how good you thought my poem was.
Arthur: I liked it…
Ford: What?
Arthur: Oh yes, I thought that some of the metaphysical imagery was particularly effective.
Vogon: Yes?
Arthur: Oh…. and um, interesting rhythmic devices, too, which seemed to counterpoint the, er…
Ford: Counterpoint the surrealism of the underlying metaphor of the, um…
Arthur: Humanity of the er -
Ford: Vogonity.
Arthur: What?
Ford: Vogonity.
Arthur: Oh. Oh! Vogonity. Sorry. Of the poet’s compassionate soul which contrived through the medium of the verse structure to sublimate this, transcend that and come to terms with the fundamental dichotomies of the other. And one is left with a profound and vivid insight into… err…
Ford: Into whatever it was …
Ford & Arthur …that the poem was about…
Ford: Well done Arthur, that was very good.
Vogon: So what you’re saying is that I write poetry because underneath my mean, callous, heartless exterior, I really just want to be loved. Is that right?
Ford: Er, well... I mean yes, yes, don’t we all, deep down… you know..?
Vogon: No, well, you’re completely wrong. I just write poetry to throw my mean, callous, heartless exterior into sharp relief. I’m going to throw you off the ship anyway! Guard! Take the prisoners to number three airlock and throw them out.

>wait
Time passes...

"Since you have somehow managed to survive two verses of my poetry, I have no choice but to space you. Guards!" A guard grabs you and Ford, and drags you toward the hold. Ford whispers, "Don't worry, I'll think of something!"

Vogon Hold
This is a squalid room filled with grubby mattresses, unwashed cups, and unidentifiable bits of smelly alien underwear. A door lies to port, and an airlock lies to starboard. Your gown is hanging from a hook and a towel is draped over a drain on the floor.
There is a satchel here, resting in front of the tiny robot panel.
In the corner is a glass case with a switch and a keyboard.
It looks like the glass case contains:
an atomic vector plotter
Along one wall is a tall dispensing machine.

The guard releases you and Ford and begins cycling the air in the airlock. "Hey, guard!" shouts Ford, "do you really enjoy this sort of thing? Shouting, stomping around, shooting people, is it really a fulfilling career?"

Well.. this is hardly the best place or time now is it. I don’t exactly WANT to be thrown out an airlock, but at least Ford is distracting him. Maybe I can do something to get free here before being thrown out the airlock.

>take all
satchel: Taken.
towel: Taken.
your gown: Taken.
keyboard: Not bloody likely.

Brute force?

>hit vogon with satchel
You are obviously letting things get to you. You should learn to relax a little.

Ford continues trying to talk the guard into a sudden career change.

Well of course I am! What would be the point otherwise? I wonder if maybe I can use that atomic vector plotter to escape?

>look at case
The glass case is closed. Attached to it are a keyboard and a switch.

Ford continues trying to talk the guard into a sudden career change.

Nothing bad ever came from pressing random switches!

>press switch
A recording plays: "To open the case, type in the second word from the second verse of the Captain's current favourite poem. WARNING: An incorrect input will cause the case to explode."

Ford continues trying to talk the guard into a sudden career change.

Well… I guess it’s good that the poem has been searing into my mind in such a way that only a few weeks of stiff drinking may dull it. Good for me I guess?

>type "lyshus"
The glass case opens.

Ford continues trying to talk the guard into a sudden career change.

>take plotter
Your load is too heavy.

Ford continues trying to talk the guard into a sudden career change.

>put on gown
You are now wearing your gown.

The guard says, "Well, all things considered, I guess I like being a guard. Especially the shouting. Resistance is useless!" He throws you and Ford into the airlock and closes the door.

Airlock
This airlock has massive doors to port and starboard.

Ack! To slow!

>restore
Okay.
Vogon Hold
Ford Prefect is here.
There is a satchel here, resting in front of the tiny robot panel.
In the corner is a glass case with a switch and a keyboard.
It looks like the glass case contains:
an atomic vector plotter
Along one wall is a tall dispensing machine.

>take all
satchel: Taken.
towel: Taken.
your gown: Taken.
keyboard: Not bloody likely.

Ford continues trying to talk the guard into a sudden career change.

>put on gown
You are now wearing your gown.

Ford continues trying to talk the guard into a sudden career change.

>press switch
A recording plays: "To open the case, type in the second word from the second verse of the Captain's current favourite poem. WARNING: An incorrect input will cause the case to explode."

Ford continues trying to talk the guard into a sudden career change.

>type "lyshus"
The glass case opens.

Ford continues trying to talk the guard into a sudden career change.

>take plotter
Taken.

The guard says, "Well, all things considered, I guess I like being a guard. Especially the shouting. Resistance is useless!" He throws you and Ford into the airlock and closes the door.

Airlock
This airlock has massive doors to port and starboard.

Not sure there is much I can do here but wait…

>wait
Time passes...

Ford points at the outer door. "In about two minutes, it will open and we'll be ejected into the vacuum of space. But don't panic, I'll think of something."

>wait
Time passes...

Ford is mumbling to himself.

>wait
Time passes...

Ford produces a pencil and begins scribbling equations on the wall.

>wait
Time passes...

Arthur: You know, it’s at times like this, when I’m trapped in a Vogon airlock, with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, that I really wish I’d listened to what my mother told me when I was young!
Ford: Why, what did she tell you?
Arthur: I don’t know I didn’t listen!

Ford's eyes light up. "Do you still have the Electronic Sub-Etha Auto Hitching Thu..." At that moment, the airlock door opens, and you and Ford are blown out into space.

Your elbow must have struck some key on The Hitchhiker's Guide because it begins droning out an entry, coincidentally enough the entry on SPACE. "If you hyperventilate and then empty your lungs, you will last about thirty seconds in the vacuum of space. However, because space is so vastly hugely mind-bogglingly big, getting picked up by another ship within those thirty seconds is almost infinitely improbable." (Footnote 9)

Precisely twenty-nine seconds later, you and Ford are scooped up by a passing ship. Gasping for air, you pass out...

Dark

Ah, this is familiar…

>footnote 9
Unfortunately, you couldn't hear a word of it, because sound doesn't travel in a vacuum.

>wait
You can't hear anything, see anything, smell anything, feel anything, or taste anything, and do not even know where you are or who you are or how you got there.

>wait
You can't hear anything, see anything, smell anything, feel anything, or taste anything, and do not even know where you are or who you are or how you got there.

>wait
You can hear nothing, smell nothing, taste nothing, see nothing, feel nothing, and are not even certain who you are.

>wait
You can't see anything, smell anything, feel anything, or taste anything, and do not even know where you are or who you are or how you got there.

>listen
(to darkness)
You hear the deep and distant hum of a star drive coming from far above. There is an exit to port.

See, it’s simple once you get the hang of it!

>port
You can't go that way.

>port
You can't go that way.

>listen
(to darkness)
You hear the deep and distant hum of a star drive coming from far above. There is an exit to port.

Maybe I misheard?

>port
You can't go that way.

Come on! You’re just teasing me now aren’t you?

>listen
(to darkness)
You hear the deep and distant hum of a star drive coming from far above. There is an exit to port.

>port
You can't go that way.

>port
You can't go that way.

>port
You can't go that way. (We were lying about the exit to port.) There is an exit aft...

Why would you lie about something like that? Is it funny to you?

>aft
You emerge from a small doorway...

Entry Bay Number Two
This is an entry bay for the Heart of Gold. A corridor lies aft of here.
There is a sales brochure here.

"This looks like that incredible new Infinite Improbability Drive spaceship, the Heart of Gold!" says Ford, with growing excitement.

"Announcement, announcement. This is Eddie (the shipboard computer). We have just picked up two hitchhikers at an improbability factor of 2 to the 21,914th power to 1 against."

And on that cliff hanger, I think it’s time to sit down and take stock of the situation and maybe look more things up in the guide?

Puzzles:
????

Inventory:
You have:
no tea
an atomic vector plotter
your gown (being worn)
It looks like your gown contains:
pocket fluff
a towel
a thing your aunt gave you which you don't know what it is
a babel fish (in your ear)
The Hitchhiker's Guide
an electronic Sub-Etha signaling device
a toothbrush
a flathead screwdriver

Score:
Your score is 85 of a possible 400, in 108 turns.

Deaths: 1 (Allergy to not eating Peanuts)

I think there is one thing you can do here. Not that it actually changes anything.

Episode 6

You know, I don’t really know what all the fuss is about the vacuum of space. I survived it with no problem, no burst organs, no swelling tongue, everything turned out just fine. I guess that’s one danger that’s been overstated. Or maybe I just got improbably lucky.

Entry Bay Number Two
Ford Prefect is here.
There is a sales brochure here.

>take brochure
Taken.

Huh, that looks interesting.

"Come on, let's look for the Bridge." You follow Ford, and eventually come to the...

Bridge
This is the bridge of the Heart of Gold. A gangway leads down, and steam comes from an entrance to port. Next to the control console is Eddie (the shipboard computer).

At the controls, apparently expecting you and Ford, are a man with more than the usual number of heads (the name "Zaphod" is stitched on his shirt) and a dark-haired woman, holding a handbag. Both seem somehow familiar.
There is a molecular hyperwave pincer here.

Well… that was easy, no robot or anything. I’m almost disappointed in that. Wait, more than the usual number of heads?

>x zaphod
Zaphod has two heads.



"Hey, Zaphod, how ya doing?" says Ford. He's cool. "Not bad, Ford. Great to see you," replies Zaphod. He's cooler. You suddenly realise that the woman is Tricia MacMillan ("Call me Trillian"), whom you were trying to pick up at a party in Islington just a few weeks ago, and that Zaphod is the guy she eventually left the party with! Odd.

Two heads… how does one go about getting a second head? Well he’s an alien, maybe he’s born this way. Wait, Trillian? What in the world are you doing here? What are the odds of something this crazy happening. I mean it would be completely insane.

>x trillian
You see nothing special about Trillian.



"Like my spaceship, Ford?" Zaphod asks. "YOUR spaceship?" says Ford, losing his cool for a second. "Yeah, I stole it," Zaphod admits. "I'm gonna use it to find the legendary lost planet of Magrathea. Let's go sit in the sauna while I explain." Zaphod, Ford, and Trillian all head off to port.

I don’t know, I think she looks quite fetching. Hey, wait for me!

>p
You enter the sauna. After several hours, you come out a changed man.

>x self
You see nothing special about yourself.

Well, I guess I wasn’t THAT changed. I still had the brochure, maybe it will explain what the heck is going on?

>read brochure
"Equipped with a sensational breakthrough in Improbability Physics, the Heart of Gold will make you the envy of every major government. When the ship's Infinite Improbability Drive is activated, the Heart of Gold passes through every point in the universe simultaneously, making travel to any single location a breeze!"

The sales brochure goes on to describe the ship's complement of Sirius Cybernetics Corporation-designed robots and computers, all equipped with GPP (Genuine People Personalities).

Or maybe not. What else was there to do here?

>look
Bridge
This is the bridge of the Heart of Gold. A gangway leads down, and steam comes from an entrance to port. Next to the control console is Eddie (the shipboard computer).
There is a satchel here.
There is a handbag here.
There is a molecular hyperwave pincer here.

>take all
satchel: Your load is too heavy.
handbag: You're holding too much already.
molecular hyperwave pincer: You're holding too much already.

Okay, it looks like I need to work on balancing my inventory, if I just had a bag of holding of some sort…

Oh well, that, can’t be helped. Let’s take a look around the ship and see what it’s like.

>d
Corridor, Fore End
This is one end of a short corridor that continues aft along the main deck of the Heart of Gold. Doorways lead to fore and port. In addition, a gangway leads upward.

>f
Entry Bay Number Two

Back here again.

>aft
Corridor, Fore End

>port
Galley
You are in the Galley area of the ship, containing a machine which is the state of the art in Nutritional Technology, a Sirius Cybernetics Corporation Nutrimat. There is an exit to starboard.
A carton labelled "Nutrimat/Computer Interface" is sitting here.

Interesting.

>look in carton
Opening the shipping carton reveals a strange gun.

You know, I think I had better leave that one alone, and how in the world is it a computer interface? Maybe it’s some sort of miss shipment?

>sb
Corridor, Fore End

>aft
Corridor, Aft End
This is one end of a short corridor that continues fore along the main deck of the Heart of Gold. Doorways lead to aft and port. In addition, a gangway leads downward.

>d
Hatchway
You are at the bottom of a gangway. A hatch below you is closed. There is a small access space to starboard.

>sb
That entrance is so narrow that you probably couldn't pass by holding anything. Well, maybe ONE thing.

Ah… I suspect this will be a puzzle!

>drop all
sales brochure: Dropped.
atomic vector plotter: Dropped.
your gown: You'll have to remove it first.
towel: Dropped.
thing your aunt gave you which you don't know what it is: It falls to the ground with a light "thunk." It doesn't do anything else at all.
babel fish: You'll have to remove it first.
The Hitchhiker's Guide: Dropped.
electronic Sub-Etha signaling device: Dropped.
toothbrush: Dropped.
flathead screwdriver: Dropped.

>sb
Access Space
This tiny area, with an exit to port, is for working on the hatch mechanism, which is vastly more complicated than your rather ordinary intelligence can comprehend. The floor is an open metal mesh, like the floor of a catwalk.

Not really much to see around here. It just seems to be exactly what it looks like.

>p
Hatchway
There is a flathead screwdriver here.
There is a toothbrush here.
There is an electronic Sub-Etha signaling device here.
There is a copy of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy here.
There is a thing your aunt gave you which you don't know what it is here.
There is a towel here.
Lying on the deck is a plotter.
There is a sales brochure here.

>take all
flathead screwdriver: Taken.
toothbrush: Taken.
electronic Sub-Etha signaling device: Taken.
The Hitchhiker's Guide: Taken.
thing your aunt gave you which you don't know what it is: Taken.
towel: Taken.
atomic vector plotter: Taken.
sales brochure: Taken.

>u
Corridor, Aft End

>port
The screening door is closed.

I somehow suspect that is going to be a bother. Something that will require me using all my logic, or lack thereof as the case might be.

>aft
That entrance leads to the Infinite Improbability Drive chamber. It's supposed to be a terribly dangerous area of the ship. Are you sure you want to go in there?

Oh, now that does sound interesting! Maybe I can poke some buttons or something?

>aft
Absolutely sure?

>yes
I can tell you don't want to really. You stride away with a spring in your step, wisely leaving the Drive Chamber safely behind you. Telegrams arrive from well-wishers in all corners of the Galaxy congratulating you on your prudence and wisdom, cheering you up immensely.

No, no, no, we’re doing this one right!

>aft
What? You're joking, of course. Can I ask you to reconsider?

>aft
Engine Room
You're in the Infinite Improbability Drive chamber. Nothing happens; there is nothing to see.

That was a big to-do about nothing. Well, it seems like a small ship, but I’m sure there is more than a few things I can do. For now I think I will just brows the guide and see what it may say about this situation… I mean other then what it says on the front of the book.

Puzzles:
The Access Space
Getting though the screening door

Inventory:
You have:
no tea
a sales brochure
an atomic vector plotter
a towel
a thing your aunt gave you which you don't know what it is
The Hitchhiker's Guide
an electronic Sub-Etha signaling device
a toothbrush
a flathead screwdriver
your gown (being worn)
It looks like your gown contains:
pocket fluff
a babel fish (in your ear)

Score:
Your score is 85 of a possible 400, in 155 turns.

Deaths: 1 (Allergy to not eating Peanuts)

As a bonus, a badly made map!

But the access space is starboard.

I'm reasonably certain that thing your aunt gave you which you don't know what it is got lost during the whole destruction of Earth thing. How strange that we have it again. Is it good for anything? Can we turn it? Open it?

I know I said I wouldn't contribute on this one, but this seems simple enough: open up that satchel and handbag! Who knows what Ford and Trillian are toting around?

our dressing gown does have a handy pocket...

ask the guide about:
Infiite Improbability Drive or Heart of Gold
Zaphod
atomic vector plotter
tea
no tea

Its been quite some time since we had a breakfast of several pints of beer and nothing to eat but a few peanuts. Fiddle with the Nutrimat and see if it can give you anything...

Maybe try talking to Eddie...

Yes, that surely is a dark-haired woman.

One of the most frequent traits of any adaptation of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is that there are notable inconsistencies between each and every one of them. This was something of a running joke for Douglas Adams, in fact.

I seem to remember reading an interview with Adams in which he hated on the choice of that actress. Trillian was supposed to be a serious scientist, not a bubblehead with crimped hair.

Good thing he didn't live to see the movie, then.

Adams hated the television miniseries adaption of H2G2 in its entirety to be fair. But, yeah. There's yet to be a live action Trillian that does the character true justice, seriously. She's a dark-haired, dark-skinned astrophysicist who's very serious and capable! And also kind of a jerk just like most of the rest of the cast, people always forget that.

Uh, anyway, the game. Stick your screwdriver into every possible place you can.

Episode 7

Will I did say it was badly made map, didn’t I?

Wait… it got lost? Really? Hum…. No… I don’t think it did, but we can still look it over and see what we can see about it.

>look at thing
Apart from a label on the bottom saying "Made in Ibiza" it furnishes you with no clue as to its purpose, if indeed it has one. You are surprised to see it because you thought you'd thrown it away. Like most gifts from your aunt, you've been trying to get rid of it for years.

Oh, it’s one of those things. Not really sure how useful it is… or where the heck Ibiza is, not that it matters now with Earth being destroyed and all. So, is it good for anything.

>open thing
It is already open.

>look in thing
It's empty.

>turn thing
This has no effect.

Well I wonder what I can put in the silly thing.

>put brochure in thing
Done.

Good, though I don’t think it’s very useful, and I do need some space in my inventory. Lets finally get rid of the silly odd thing.

>drop thing
It falls to the ground with a light "thunk." It doesn't do anything else at all.

Ah, pockets, my old foe. Let’s see what I can stuff them with.

>put plotter in pocket
There's no room.

Well I guess they are limited in size.

>put screwdriver in pocket
Done.

>put signaling device in pocket
Done.

>put toothbrush in pocket
There's no room.

Very limited in size.

Those are some good ideas of things to look up… but you know what the food idea is much better, let’s start with that one! This is a super advance space ship, it has to have something cool, replicators or space food, or something like that!

Galley
You are in the Galley area of the ship, containing a machine which is the state of the art in Nutritional Technology, a Sirius Cybernetics Corporation Nutrimat. There is an exit to starboard.
A carton labelled "Nutrimat/Computer Interface" is sitting here.
It looks like the shipping carton contains:
a strange gun

>look at nutrimat
The Nutrimat has a touch-sensitive pad, a dispensing slot, and a service panel which is closed. It bears a small label which reads "Another fine product of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation."

Wait, I was warned about those guys. Well it seems like it’s should be pretty simple to use. Time to see how it works.

>press pad
The Nutrimat makes an instant but highly detailed examination of your taste buds, a spectroscopic analysis of your metabolism and sends tiny experimental signals down your neural pathways to see what you like.
A cupful of Advanced Tea Substitute appears in the dispensing slot.

What is that?

>take substitute
Taken.

>smell substitute
It smells just like Advanced Tea Substitute.

I’m a bit worried about this…

>drink substitute
It tastes almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea. It's absolutely disgusting. The cup itself vaporises, part of the Galactic Anti-Litter Program. The Nutrimat says, "If you have enjoyed the experience of this drink, why not share it with your friends?"

Because I want to keep them!

Well, that turned out to be a bit of a waste of time… I mean I feel fullish now, but still.

>consult
(Nutrimat)
A long silence tells you that the Nutrimat isn't interested in talking about it.

You feel a wave of depression sweep over you, and you turn to see that Marvin the robot has stalked miserably into the room.

>look at Marvin
You see nothing special about Marvin.

Marvin wanders off.

Wait… what was all that about??

>consult guide about infinite improbability drive
I don't know the word "infinite".

>consult guide about improbability drive
You'll have to be more specific, I'm afraid.

Well, I think I can provide that.

>consult guide about heart of gold
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up with the following entry:

There is absolutely no such spaceship as the Heart of Gold and anything you've ever read in this spot to the contrary was just a prank.
-- Galactic Security Agency

Government security at its finest.

>consult guide about zaphod
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up with the following entry:

Zaphod Beeblebrox is the current President of the Galaxy.

Wait, that crazy two headed man is the President? On no… not again!

>consult guide about atomic vector plotter
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up with the following entry:

The atomic vector plotter is one of the primary application devices of Improbability Physics.

Improbability Physics? Does that have something to do with the Improbability Drive?

You feel a wave of depression sweep over you, and you turn to see that Marvin the robot has stalked miserably into the room.

Hello again Marvin….

>consult guide about tea
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up with the following entry:

Sorry, that portion of our Sub-Etha database was accidentally deleted last night during a wild office party. The lost data will be restored as soon as we find someone who knows where the back-up tapes are kept, if indeed any are kept at all.

Marvin wanders off.

That must have been one hell of a party… and bye Marvin.

>consult guide about no tea
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up with the following entry:

Sorry, that portion of our Sub-Etha database was accidentally deleted last night during a wild office party. The lost data will be restored as soon as we find someone who knows where the back-up tapes are kept, if indeed any are kept at all.

Why don’t I get invited to that sort of party?

I’m sure the computer will be useful and helpful, more so then this dumb nutrimat machine.

Bridge
This is the bridge of the Heart of Gold. A gangway leads down, and steam comes from an entrance to port. Next to the control console is Eddie (the shipboard computer).
There is a satchel here.
There is a handbag here.
There is a molecular hyperwave pincer here.

>look at eddie
You see nothing special about Eddie (the shipboard computer).

Well it never hurts to be friendly.

>eddie, hello
"Hello to you too."

>eddie, where are we?
I don't know the word "we?".

>eddie, what are you
I don't know the word "you".

Small vocabulary you have there. Well, maybe I can be a bit more direct about what I really want in this sort of situation.

>eddie, help
Eddie sighs deeply. "I can't talk right now. Do you know how difficult it is to pilot a ship as complicated as this one?"

>eddie, no
"Well, leave me alone then! I'm busy!"

You’re not really that helpful are you? Fine, fine, I’ll leave you alone and deal with my own stuff.

Why didn’t I think of that one before I went wondering around… or in the vogon hold.

>open satchel
You can't. It's not yours. It's Ford's and it's private.

Hum, I guess this universe has some sort of sense of morality about this sort of thing. That’s a good thing it know I guess, but I’ll still have to muddle through.

>open handbag
Opening the handbag reveals a pair of tweezers.

Wait, I can’t open the satchel, but I can open the handbag? I guess woman’s lib hasn’t quite gotten this far out in the universe huh? Well those tweezers look useful!

>take tweezers
Taken.

And while I’m at it, I’ll take the hyperwave pincer as well. It could come in handy some day.

>take pincer
Taken.

>take screwdriver
Taken.

>use screwdriver on eddie
I don't know the word "use".

>poke eddie with screwdiver
I don't know the word "poke".

Okay, that’s not going to work.

>give screwdriver to eddie
Politely, Eddie (the shipboard computer) refuses your offer.

Hum… okay then. Time to ponder what my next move is going to be.

Puzzles:
Getting tea
What to do next Hint: The guide is our guide as to what to do, so keep throwing suggestions. The crazier the better

Inventory:
You have:
no tea
a flathead screwdriver
a molecular hyperwave pincer
a pair of tweezers
a thing your aunt gave you which you don't know what it is
It looks like the thing your aunt gave you which you don't know what it is contains:
a sales brochure
an atomic vector plotter
a towel
The Hitchhiker's Guide
a toothbrush
your gown (being worn)
It looks like your gown contains:
an electronic Sub-Etha signaling device
pocket fluff
a babel fish (in your ear)

Score:
Your score is 55 of a possible 400, in 195 turns. (and I have no idea how my score went down)

Deaths: 1 (Allergy to not eating Peanuts)

Doesn't drinking the tea substitute actually decrease your score? Also, I'd like to suggest looking up the Nutrimat and the pocket fluff in the Guide.

Episode 8

You know… that might actually be the case. I suppose I should test it, just to be sure. It’s just bad fake tea… really bad fake tea to be honest. But It’s still just a tea substitute. It’s not like it’s loaded with high fructose corn syrup, or worse, that fake oil take make fast food fries with.

>port
Galley
You are in the Galley area of the ship, containing a machine which is the state of the art in Nutritional Technology, a Sirius Cybernetics Corporation Nutrimat. There is an exit to starboard.
A carton labelled "Nutrimat/Computer Interface" is sitting here.
It looks like the shipping carton contains:
a strange gun

>press pad
The Nutrimat makes an instant but highly detailed examination of your taste buds, a spectroscopic analysis of your metabolism and sends tiny experimental signals down your neural pathways to see what you like.
A cupful of Advanced Tea Substitute appears in the dispensing slot.

Zaphod Beeblebrox walks in and presses the touch-sensitive pad. The Nutrimat produces a huge, ice-cold Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster. Zaphod heads off toward the sauna, sipping loudly.

You feel a wave of depression sweep over you, and you turn to see that Marvin the robot has stalked miserably into the room.

Well… I guess it can do more than just make bad fake tea, but whatever that drink was, it looks a bit to dangerous to drink. I think it was eating its way out of the bottom of the glass it was in. I have never seen that random event before. Fun!

And hey, the robot is here, let’s try talking with him.

>Marvin, hello
"Hello to you too."



Zaphod Beeblebrox walks in and presses the touch-sensitive pad. The Nutrimat produces a huge, ice-cold Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster. Zaphod heads off toward the sauna, sipping loudly.

Marvin wanders off.

Well, so much for the robot… and I guess he wanted a second shot of that crazy looking drink. Seriously, did you see that thing?

Still, enough of strange beverages, I have work to do.

>take tea substitute
You're holding too much already.

>look at tea substitute
About the only characteristic it shares with tea is that of Brownian motion.

Okay… it doesn’t look all that bad. Let’s see if it lowers my score again.

>drink tea substitute
That last gulp of the vile Advanced Tea Substitute was a bit too much for you. You expire from sheer misery and unhappiness.

**** You have died ****

I guess it is just as bad as the fast food fryer oil. Lets jump back to my save from the start of Episode 7 (because yes, I do have that many saves) just to be sure I’m some place safe and without score deductions.

>restore
Okay.
Engine Room

Hum, forgot to set it to verbose before I saved.

>verbose
Maximum verbosity.

Engine Room
I mean it! There's nothing to see here!

Wait… why is the game trying to keep me from looking around the engine room? You know, considering how much work it put into keeping me from even being here, I think it’s still hiding something.

>look
Engine Room
Okay, okay, there are a FEW things to see here. This is the room that houses the powerful Infinite Improbability Generator that drives the Heart of Gold. An exit lies fore of here.
Sitting in the corner is a spare, portable Improbability Generator.
There is an ionic diffusion rasp here.
There is a pair of hypersonic pliers here.

(Footnote 10)

Well what do you know, the game was still lying! Good thing I ended up back here to find this out… okay so it was by accidently, but you can’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Oh, more tools, and a footnote!

>footnote 10
I guess it isn't all that dangerous a place after all.

You think?

>get all
ionic diffusion rasp: You're holding too much already.
pair of hypersonic pliers: You're holding too much already.
spare Improbability Drive: Your load is too heavy.

Hum, what can I get rid of?

You have:
no tea
a sales brochure
an atomic vector plotter
a towel
a thing your aunt gave you which you don't know what it is
The Hitchhiker's Guide
an electronic Sub-Etha signaling device
a toothbrush
a flathead screwdriver
your gown (being worn)
It looks like your gown contains:
pocket fluff
a babel fish (in your ear)

Right, I still have that thing from my aunt. Let’s start stuffing my pockets.

>put toothbrush in pocket
Done.

>put screwdriver in pocket
Done.

>take all
ionic diffusion rasp: Taken.
pair of hypersonic pliers: Taken.
spare Improbability Drive: Your load is too heavy.

>put rasp in pocket
Done.

>put pliers in pocket
Done.

I think my gown must have a built in tool belt. Still, if it all fits that’s a good way to carry it.

>get all
spare Improbability Drive: Your load is too heavy.

>drop brochure
Dropped.

>drop thing
It falls to the ground with a light "thunk." It doesn't do anything else at all.

>take drive
Your load is too heavy.

>look at drive
The spare Improbability Drive has a switch, a long cord ending with a large plug, and a short cord ending with a small plug. It bears a small label which reads "Another fine product of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation."

Oh, them again? I’m starting to suspect I can’t take this spare drive unless I have nothing else in my hands. I’ll just leave it here for the time being until I can find a rucksack or something of the like. Speaking of tools, I should go get the tweezers from the bridge, again.

Bridge
This is the bridge of the Heart of Gold. A gangway leads down, and steam comes from an entrance to port. Next to the control console is Eddie (the shipboard computer).
There is a satchel here.
There is a handbag here.
There is a molecular hyperwave pincer here.

>open handbag
Opening the handbag reveals a pair of tweezers.

>take tweezers
Taken.

>put tweezers in pocket
There's no room.

Well, I guess there isn’t as much room as I hoped.

>take pincer
Taken.

>look at pincer
It looks like every other molecular hyperwave pincer you've ever seen.

Which would be this one, that’s not very helpful.

[QUOTE=Kahran042;1322451Also, I'd like to suggest looking up the Nutrimat and the pocket fluff in the Guide.[/QUOTE]

That seems like a very good idea. Let’s see if I get any more answers by doing that.

>consult guide about nutrimat
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up with the following entry:

A typically unreliable Sirius Cybernetics Corporation product, the Nutrimat analyses the user's neural paths to provide the (supposedly) ideal offering. Its computing power is frankly abysmal, so the optional computer interface is a good thing to go for.

Wild guess, that would be the interface that wasn’t shipped here?

>consult guide about pocket fluff
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up with the following entry:

Fluff is interesting stuff: a deadly poison on Bodega Minor, the diet staple of Frazelon V, the unit of currency on the moons of the Blurfoid system, and the major crop of the laundry supplies planet, Blastus III.
One ancient legend claims that four pieces of fluff lie scattered around the Galaxy; each forming one quarter of the seedling of a tree with amazing properties, the sole survivor of the tropical planet Fuzzbol (Footnote 8).
The ultimate source of fluff is still a mystery, with the scientific community torn between the Big Lint Bang theory and the White Lint Hole theory.

>footnote 8
It's not a very good legend, is it?

Really, all from my pocket fluff? I find that highly unbelievable, or at least improbable.

>look at pocket fluff
You see nothing special about pocket fluff.

See, it’s perfectly normal. Nothing odd about it in any way.

Puzzles:
Getting tea
What to do next [Hint: The guide is our guide as to what to do, so keep throwing suggestions. The crazier the better]
Fluff?

Inventory:
You have:
no tea
a molecular hyperwave pincer
a pair of tweezers
an atomic vector plotter
a towel
The Hitchhiker's Guide
an electronic Sub-Etha signaling device
your gown (being worn)
It looks like your gown contains:
a thing your aunt gave you which you don't know what it is
a pair of hypersonic pliers
an ionic diffusion rasp
a flathead screwdriver
a toothbrush
pocket fluff
a babel fish (in your ear)

Score:
Your score is 110 of a possible 400, in 181 turns.

Deaths: 2 (Allergy to not eating Peanuts, Drinking Tea Substitute)

Wait, How did I end up with that thing again, didn’t I leave it in engine room?