Do You Believe in True Love? Let's Play Thousand Arms!

Thousand Arms is a 1998 Playstation RPG from developer Red Company (now Red Entertainment Corpration), published by Atlus, and released in North America in 1999. Red's other games include the Sakura Wars series, Record of Agarest War, and even the robot girl raising simulation N.U.D.E..

Stay classy, Red.

And the tears Victor Ireland must have shed when Atlus decided to bring the game to North America themselves! This quirky RPG was a late-90s Japanophile's dream with its anime-like visuals and story, dating sim elements, voice acting, and honest-to-god J-pop music from actual real-life J-pop star Ayumi Hamasaki. Atlus even took a page from Working Designs' book and included trading cards and memory card stickers with every copy! Sadly, I have no idea what happened to the ones that came with my copy. Even the dialogue is just a few bodily function jokes and out-of-place current events commentary of being that Working Designs might have done.


But enough talk! Let's Play!

Our story begins, as so many do, with a grumbling stomach.
Video: Prologue. Take a listen to the passable voice acting and sound effects! Fondly regard the hideous sprites and chunky PS1 polygon work! Let the footstep sounds crush your soul in a black vice of despair!

*Gurgle...*

*Gurgle...*
Meis: I said stop it! But, I'm starving... This is all their fault...
If it wasn't for them, I could still be having fun with the ladies.

Ladies and Gentlemen (ladies especially), our protagonist.

Some townspeople wander by, too involved in their conversation to take note of the scruffy-looking fellow with the grumbling stomach who can barely stand on his own.

Villager B: You mean the lecherous Triumph family? I heard they fled without attempting to defend their land.
They were noble yesterday, but they'll be like everyone else from now on.

Well doesn't seem very fair. Let's see the other side of the story.

A few weeks ago at the Triumph Estate...

Obviously Butler here doesn't know Meis very well. Well, let's take a look around the house. We'll just use this directional pad and-shfshfshfshfshf
OH GOD WHAT IS THAT SOUND!?
Is... is Meis wearing SWISHYPANTS!?!? Or is that supposed to be footsteps? It scarcely matters. Anytime you control Meis, he makes that sound as he runs around. All the time. You have to listen to that shfshfshfshf all game. In town. In dungeons. In your nightmares. Shfshfshfshfshfshf. You guys are lucky. It'll only be in a few videos. You don't have to listen to it all the time like I do. shfshfshfshfshf. Never stopping, never ceasing. It gets inside you. Just shfshfshfshfshfshf. Whispering to you. Dark secrets. Things man was not meant to know. shf. shf. shf. shfffff.
shf.hsf.shufhsfs.hsf.shsfd.sshfshfshfshfhfshfs.
I am become Shfshf, devourer of souls.


And out here in the dining room we run into Butler again.
Meis: Weren't you just in the hallway?
Butler: I'm the butler of the honorable Triumph family. I'll be at your side at all times.

That's butler, everyone! We'll never see him again. Let's see what the other hired help has to say.
Maid 1: Sob sob... Young Master, today is the last day I'll get to see you.
Maid 2: Young Master, you should stop flirting with the girls and spend more time training... sob, sob...
Maid 3: Young Master, I think Sir Muza, the swordsman who paid us a visit the other day, was really amazing. I love strong swordsmen like him. Oh, Young Master, you aren't supposed to touch me like that...
Maid 4: I love macho man like Sir Muza. He is so handsome. Oh, no, Young Master! You can't touch me like that...

Huh... it seems that Meis has trouble keeping his hands to himself when the maids talk about his friend Muza.


And then this picture of Cliff hides an Elemental Spirit! Meis gains 11 MP! Master Points are necessary for going on dates and wow suddenly that seems like an unfortunate name. Also MP are used in forging, in which Meis and a girl go to the forge and dammit that really isn't helping any. Stay classy, Red.

Additional Elemental Spirits can be found in the fireplace (18 MP), a vanity in a bedroom upstairs (18 MP), and a sword rack in the master bedroom (12 MP).


Also in Cliff's bedroom is this book, containing the Triumph Family precepts.

Truly a family which values the words of its ancestors. Well, that's about it for the house, so let's go find Meis's dad.


There he is in the forge with a woman, no doubt spending a lot of Master Points.

Girl: You are so wonderful, Master Cliff!
*Meis walks up to the forge and the camera swings around the room before finally settling on Cliff and the woman.*



Cliff: That's exactly why I'm with this pretty woman. I'm making a stronger sword!
Meis: Well... you area Spirit Blacksmith and this, I guess, is your job... But, I don't know about this woman thing.

There you have it folks, straight from the horse's mouth. Meis doesn't know about this whole "woman" thing. A bold claim for someone with a reputation like his. He must be trying to compensate for something.

Meis: Don't you think there are other things you should be doing now? Like gathering weapons and soldiers or something?
Cliff: I know Meis. The Dark Acolytes attacked Tradguld several weeks ago. Now, they came almost within reach of Kant. I don't know what they want but I'm prepared to fight them! Meis, you should be prepared as well.
Meis: Mom, I'm impressed! It sounds like you've finally pulled yourself together. OK, then. I'll...


Well, since Meis doesn't know about this whole woman thing...
Meis: Fight as a Spirit Blacksmith!


Also I love this reaction.

Cliff: Even more important than my land... is my property--Errr, my people! It's my duty to protect my people!
Cliff: More importantly, I can't die now. There are desirable women waiting for me!
Cliff: People are preparing to leave the land. Meis, you should get ready too!

Well I guess that's the other side of the story... Apparently Villager B was right. We return to your regularly scheduled trudging down the road.


Meis: I guess she's OK too. What a relief.

2X FLASHBACK COMBO: A few days ago, Kant...

Meis stands in front of the Triumph residence, gazing wistfully at the home he has to leave. Explosions rock the scene as townspeople flee the area. As he crosses the bridge for the last time*, he finds a couple of children frozen in fear.
*(haha, no. We'll be back.)

Girl: Ahhhhhhhhh! I'm scared!
Meis: Don't get left behind.... Come on, start heading for town!

Boy: Hey bro! Why aren't we fighting back?
Meis: Oh, that... Y... you know... if we fight back, people may get hurt, right? We should hide until they leave.
Boy: Hmmm... OK! I understand. Whatever you say!

How brave! Continuing onward into the town, People are finishing their preparations and leaving their homes.

Lady: Young Master, you better get going too! Most people have already evacuated. I'm leaving too!
Young Lady: I'm not forgetting anything, am I? I'd better get away from here soon.

We get a short time to control Meis again shfshfshf during which you can pop into the buildings and nab a few more Elemental Spirits, and experience the indescribable agony of the free camera. It will try to swing around behind Meis, and tends to choose the most obstructed, least convenient path possible. During this time, Meis's movement is completely relative to the camera, and Thousand Arms does not support analog controls! So Meis, trying to walk in a straight line, ends up stumbling drunkenly around his hometown, likely crashing headlong into walls and trees, shfshfshfshfing the whole time.

A short, drunken stumbling towards the town entrance later, and...

Girl: Hurry! This way!

This girl here is definitely in the running for ugliest sprite in the game. Her eyes are just these big red balls on her face that don't look like eyes at all.

Meis Wow! What a babe!

She looks better up close, at least. Let's go with A) here. Incidentally, Chapter 11 is "A pretty woman should be embraced by a man."

Meis You're too beautiful to be so sad. Smile... I'm here with you!

It... doesn't go as he expected. The old woman crashes into Meis, knocking him to the ground.


Meis W... where did everybody go?

*2X FLASHBACK COMBO END*

Meis I'm starving. My vision is blurry...
The Dark Acolytes took everything from me, my noble status, the land my family has ruled for 7 generations. I've lost everything, all I have left is...

Nice spikes there, looks like a good way to put a hole in your wrist.

Meis Ohhhh, I'm so hungry... should I sell my sword?
No, this is my heritage... What am I gonna do now?

Hey, what's that ahead?

Hey, it's a town! You made it, Meis!



Meis? MEIS!? MEIIIIIIS!!!!


Opening Animation (?? Depend On You ??)
Pick your poison:
Dailymotion version (with bonus advertisements)
YoutubeDoubler version
Avex has been enforcing their copyright on Youtube, so you can't find the video with audio intact on there.

So the opening shows Meis and a bunch of characters who probably won't be important at all. Check out those stunning CG landscapes that make up half the video! And the whopping 3 seconds of anything that could be remotely called "action". But who cares, it's got the animes! THE ANIMES!


Next time on Seven Generations of Pigs: Let's Play Thousand Arms:
Episode 1: Meis, formerly of the royal family.
That's really what the game calls Chapter 1. Even though he's from a noble, but not royal, family.

Well this seems to be some kind of... something.

shfshfshfshfshfshfshfshfshfshfshfshf

YES.

I've waited so long for this. Every once in a while, I'd think, "Man, maybe I should do a Let's Play of Thousand Arms. But that other guy said he'd do one. But...I want there to be one."

And now there is!

It's definitely something alright. It's one of the most unique games I've ever played, for better or worse. Sometimes it feels like they had more passion than sense, and it has some truly great moments... and some insufferable ones. If anything, it's a very memorable game, and I guess the reason I decided to LP it is because it really stuck with me even over a decade later.

Master Points, huh? Interesting... I'll be following this one.

In retrospect, the shfshfshf thing makes a little more sense considering walking was the default movement in the Japanese version, so running was a special action you had to hold a button for. Atlus USA switched the two in localization (as explained in the Translation Notes in the manual) but didn't remove the shfshfshf noise you'd now be hearing all the time.

Wow. That noise is really annoying.

Funny you should mention Vic Ireland, because I can still remember how, around the time this game came out, he threw a giant hissy fit about how SOME COMPANIES were being fat, mean, stinkyhead copycats by localizing games with music CDs and pack-in extras. It was funny then, and it's hilarious now.

I remember reading an LP of this over on the archive. This game is like some late 90's anime fever dream. This should be fun. shfshfshfshfshfshfshfshfshf

shfshfshfshfshfshfshfshfshfshfshfshf

I was only sort of aware of this game back in the day but I see I have a lot to learn! It looks awesome.

I remember picking up this game when I was in college and having no idea what I was getting myself into. Really excited about this LP!

These are easily among the most sensationally atrocious looking sprites I have ever seen in my entire life.

...How have I never played this game? O.O Oh right, the PlayStation had tons of RPGs and I had to pick and choose my purchases and rentals. --;

Still, Thousand Arms has already won me over with your character's father looking and acting like a total sleazebag and I haven't even seen any battle gameplay yet. Those in-game sprites sure do look crappy, though.

The playable cast's sprites are actually good (at least by 2D RPG standards), as are the in-battle sprites.


Aeonus, you should switch to PNG screenshots. This game in particular could use the help.

Ok, yeah. I switched em all over to .png (and broke MetManMas's quote, hahaha) and it was a definite improvement. Thanks for pointing that out.

That shuffling walking noise is nothing compared to some of the awful footstep sounds I've heard in other games. Let's not forget FF8, where everyone is apparently running around in high heels on linoleum from the sound of their footsteps!

I am curious to see how this thing pans out. So far it's vaguely interesting, if somewhat generic for the sort of RPG that Vic Ireland would be tempted to translate.

Chris in Suikoden 3 and Steiner in Final Fantasy 9 clanking around in heavy armor is pretty annoying, but at least you don't control them the entire game. And at least Chris can ride a pony around some areas for movement noise variety.

Oh, just remembered Rune Factory 3 has shoes that cause you to make squeaky noises when walking around. Totally optional and removable, so it has a stupid charm instead of being annoying.

Guys, guys.

7th Saga, Lux. That is all.

That's it! I KNEW there was an annoying robot walk but I couldn't remember who.

There was also Soul Reaver and its "Rubber boots through a muddy-bog" sqsh-sqsh-sqsh-sqsh-sqsh

The most annoying walk I ever heard is Teddie's BOING BOING in Persona 4.

It is NOTHING compared to the shfshfshfshfshfshfshfshf

shfshfshfshfshfshf

shf

I love this game so much. Also I feel I should mention holy crap that soundtrack!

Last time on Quantity Not Guaranteed: Let's Play Thousand Arms: We met protagonist Meis and watched as the Dark Acolytes destroyed his hometown (offscreen) (also: they didn't destroy anything). And then he collapsed in front of the town of Boyzby and got attacked by a wild anime opening!

one afternoon, the capital BOYZBY...

Some unknown amount of time later, Meis awakens to the sound of Girl screaming.
Meis: Th, that scream...

>A. Must be a pretty girl!
_B. Oh, man! I have to help her!
One of the things this game likes to do is give you dialogue choices that have no effect on anything ever. In any case, we learned last time how Meis's father raised him.

Meis runs through the arch and finds...

A young lady... uh, beset, I guess, by four Thugs.
Girl: Get away from me! *Thwack!*
Thug:Ugh...
She seems to have the situation well in hand, actually.


Thug: You'd better stop resisting, or else...
Girl: Please stop! I really don't want to hurt you!
Thug: Harharhar! Hurt us, huh? We'll see about that!

One knight(?) in shining armor(??), to the rescue!

Oh, Meis. Are you really in any shape to be showing off? You collapsed just a minute ago.

Girl: Ummm... I'm OK... Don't worry about me...
Meis: It's a man's duty to protect a damsel in distress. Don't worry! (Man, I'm so cool!)
Girl: No, it's not that...
Thug: What's this kid doin' here? Outta my way!
Thug: You're pissin' me off, kid! C'mon, let's kick his sorry ass!
Meis:
_A. You're asking for it!
>B. (This girl must be impressed! Way to go, Meis!)


Girl: NO! Don't use that sword!
Psh, what does she know about swords? Meis gives his sword a practice swing, and...


Meis: WHAT!? How could this be... My prized sword, the family heirloom... snapped in two...

The thugs take the opportunity to close in on Meis and beat the stuffing out of him. He passes out at some point. For the second time in the game. Even though we're only like 15 minutes into the game. We've got a real winner on our hands here!


Some indeterminate amount of time later...
*Clang, clang, clang...*
Video: Meet Sodina and Jyabil

Girl: Sounds like he's done...
Meis: Hmm... I... hear the voice of an angel.


♪♪ Her Smile ♪♪

Girl: How do you feel?
Girl: Thank you for saving me. What's your name?
Jeez, she could at least wait for some answers before asking more questions.

Meis: I'm Meis, Meis Triumph!
Sodina: I'm Sodina. It's a pleasure to meet you. After you fainted, my brother Jyabil, drove the gang away.
Hey! That last comma doesn't belong there. Get out of here, comma!

Sodina: Jyabil is a Spirit Blacksmith and he is well known in Boyzby. Even the Master comes to him to have his sword fixed.

*Footsteps THAT ARE NOT SHFSHFSHF AND ARE THEREFORE AN AFFRONT TO THE TRUE DARK GOD* *Door opening sound*

Jyabil: Sodina...
Meis climbs out of bed and faces the man who entered.

♪♪ Wish ♪♪
Jyabil: You look like a blacksmith by the hammer you're carrying.
Meis:
>A. Who is this guy anyway?
_B. I'd better make a good impression.
Good impressions are for the lower classes. Meis is (former) royalty (according to the save screen)!

Meis: I am from the Triumph Family. A renowned Blacksmith family from Kant!
I could nitpick the shit out of that sentence but I won't. After all, this is a Let's Play, not a Let's Proofread.

Jyabil: Oh, the Triumphs, huh? I heard they just ran from the land instead of protecting it. How pathetic.
Jyabil: If you are from a family of Blacksmiths, why do you treat your sword so poorly?
Meis:
>A. I can do whatever I want with it!
_B. I didn't mean to treat it poorly.
No apologies! Meis can use a sword as a walking stick if he wants! It's his right as (former) nobility! You serfs just don't get it.

Meis: I got carried away and forgot that this was only a decorative sword.
Jyabil: Foolish boy... Hmph, you know nothing about swords. And you say you are a Triumph? Your sword's spirit is crying.
Jyabil: I don't think you know the real value of this sword. Watch...

*Jyabil holds up the broken sword*

Whoa! He made it glow! He must be a big hit at parties!

Jyabil: This is the light of sorrow. The sword is sad because of your ignorance.

Jyabil returns the broken sword to Meis, presumably as condescendingly as possible.

Arms Count: 1/1000
Will we actually reach one thousand? We will not.

Jyabil: I'll fix this sword for you on one condition.
Meis:
>A. You're getting on my nerves!
_B. You can fix it? That's great!


Meis stomps his foot and looks pissed.

Jyabil: Did you say YOU can fix it?
He doesn't seem very convinced.

Sodina: Meis, please! Accept his offer! Please...
Bah, Meis always had a weak spot for the ladies. Fine, if she insists...

Meis: Hmm... well, what's the condition then?
Jyabil: Go to the ruins north of town and bring back a special mineral. You may only take your broken sword. The ruins are full of monsters that you must fight to get the mineral. I don't think you can do it.
Great. A suicide mission. This is because Meis made the sword cry, isn't it? You're one of those PETS (People for the Ethical Treatment of Swords) people, aren't you?

Jyabil leaves the room without even waiting for a response. Man, he's a dick.

Sodina: Don't be upset with him, Meis. He likes you but has a funny way of showing it.
I'd hate to see how he acts with people he doesn't like.

Sodina: Spirit controls the flow of everything. When there's a spirit within the sword, it gains great power. My brother can instill the power of the spirit into the swords that he forges.
That sounds like a handy skill! If only Meis was some kind of Blacksmith that utilized Spirits in his smithing, or came from a family of such smiths. That would be swell.

Anyway we finally get control of Meis and get to shfshfshf around town! At least until we get just outside Jyabil's house and trigger another scene.


Some women walk by and cause Meis to enter Female Appreciation Mode. Which somehow summons Sodina from inside the house.

Sodina: What are you doing, Meis? You're going to the Ruins, aren't you?
Meis:
_A. I wanted to shop around first.
>B. ...Man, she is gorgeous...
Sodina: Get moving!
Yes, ma'am!

...Is what I want to say, but suddenly a wild INSTRUCTION GUY appears! X BUTTON, I choose you! X BUTTON attacks with ADVANCE TEXT! It's not very effective...

INSTRUCTION GUY uses TUTORIAL! It's super boring! PLAYER falls asleep!
INSTRUCTION GUY explains DOORS! Meis learns OPEN DOOR!
INSTRUCTION GUY explains BATTLE! Meis learns SELECT COMMAND, CANCEL COMMAND and EXECUTE COMMAND!
INSTRUCTION GUY flees!

Finally, we get to explore(shfshfshf) the town! Let's see what the townspeople have to say.
♪♪ Peaceful Days ♪♪

Southern Boyzby
Sodina: To get to the Ruins, head northwest after you cross the bridge to the east.
Middle Aged Woman: They say that there is a smithy in the back of the Lucent Cave. Somebody may have been using it.
Young Man: When you get a girl to join you, go to the smithy. You can forge swords with her. If you're planning on travelling, you'd better go to the smithy before you leave.
Young Lady: Jyabil is not only talented at forging swords, but he is soooo handsome. Oh... to think of him coming onto me...
Sexy Lady: Do you know Jyabil? I love the way he polishes his sword!
Sexy Lady, second conversation: You're Jyabil's new apprentice, aren't you? I'm so envious of you. You get to be with Jyabil all the time. Oh... I wish I could be with him for a long, long time.
Middle-Aged Man: The Dark Acolytes are wandering about as if they're looking for something. I wonder what it is.
Sarcastic Old Biddy: Are you the new guy at Jyabil's? You're both Blacksmiths, but that's where the similarity ends.
Sarcastic Old Biddy, second conversation: Oh, wasn't there another guy who became Jyabil's apprentice before you? He was handsome. I wonder what's become of him.

I'm sure he's not important. It's not like he'll become our rival or anything, that would be silly.

Elemental Spirits:
Cradle in house near Jyabil's
Barrel in cafe Amigo
Potted Plant in house near Jyabil's

Central Boyzby
Young Man: Try pressing the Triangle button, to view the map of the town, but if you read the manual, you'd already know that.
Hey, let's give that a shot!

Check out that map! Color-coded buildings (houses in yellow, stores and taverns in blue, inns in green)! A red square for the Goddess Statue, and a larger pink square for Meis' position. It's also got North facing to the right instead of the top.

Middle-Aged Man: There are Ruins to the north of here. The mineral from the mine is used to make weapons.
Middle-Aged Woman: There is something going on... I heard that Kant was attacked. This town may be in danger.
Attractive Woman: Jyabil is such a man. I wonder what it would be like to be held in his strong hands. Those captivating eyes... I melt when he looks at me with those eyes.
Soldier: The feudal Lord of Kant is really lame. How can he run away without trying to protect his land? Well, at least there were no casualties, so he did the right thing in that respect.
Crazy Man: Dude, Atlus' homepage is never updated! Wassup with those guys!?
Young Lady: Your Charisma indicates the size of your heart. This indicates how you embrace the girl's feelings. Even if your intimacy level goes up, if your heart is small, you won't be able to embrace the girl's feelings. So, you'll be unable to forge a strong sword. You should try to increase your intimacy and the size of your heart. Your heart increases in size as your level goes up. I wish you the best of luck!

That's a pretty in-depth explanation! It pretty much means you can't just spend all your time dating and make superswords right out of the gate. Let's check and see how big Meis's heart is right now!

Pshahahahahaha! It's a teeny-weenie, itsy-bitsy 1! At least for now. It'll go up by 1 roughly every five levels, up to the maximum of 10. Because that's how hearts work, right? Unrepentingly slaughtering caves full of monsters makes you kinder and more sincere. It's SCIENCE!

Let's take a look at those other quantities while we're here. Most of them should be obvious. Energy Points (EP) power spells, but couldn't be called MP because MASTER POINTS. Elemental Power determines the strength of spells and magic-based special attacks. Speed determines how fast commands ready. Note that you can't equip armor - Defense is determined by your equipped weapon.

Elemental Spirits in central Boyzby:
Barrel on the ground floor of the Inn
Ketchup Bottle(?) in the bar in the basement of the inn


The item store QQ Hands carries this stuff. It's your typical basic healing and status recovery items. Potions recover HP, Elixirs recover EP, and each of the antidote types recover two ailments, but we won't see most of them for a long time.

Southern Boyzby


In the northern section of town is the gift shop Sepot, containing a variety of items that can be given as presents if you to prefer to buy a girl's love.

Young Man: Fort Teve is to the West of here. It defends all of Tradguld.
Middle-Aged Man: I heard there's a great swordsman at Fort Teve. His name was Muscle or Moose or something.
Boy: Have you seen my dad's resurrection? My mom says she'll leave him if he doesn't get one.
Boy, second conversation: My mom keeps shouting something about Biagra.
Gee, I wonder what's going on in his house...

Elemental Spirits:
In the Barrels at the tavern Roberre

Airship Port

Boy: Wow! It's big! I want to ride on an airship, when I grow up.
Girl: I want to ride on an airship too!
You must be at least this tall to ride airship.
Soldier: No admittance beyond this point.

Boyzby Entrance


Here's the Goddess statue near the Boyzby entrance. Goddess Statues are the main hub for all intimacy-related activities. If we had a girl with us, Meis could go on a date, play a minigame, or give a present. But we don't so he can't. Instead Meis has to choke back tears of loneliness.

Boy: This is the town of Boyzby. And if you ask me again, I'll say the same thing! Funny, huh!?
Welcome to Boyzby! I feel so good!

Well, that's about it for Boyzby for now. Let's head out into the wide open world!

♪♪ Beginning of the Journey ♪♪

Welcome to the countryside of Tradguld! This is where it's important to not get your directions messed up. If you brought up the map in town, the gate was at the bottom. So if you just assume that was south...
You'll cross the bridge right there next to town, and turn left. You'll eventually come across a cave, enter it, and promptly get your ass handed to you, because that dungeon is the third instead of the first.

Not like that's something I did the first time I played and I'm bitter, or anything.

By the way, if you go out to the east, you can go back to Kant. It's still evacuated, but completely undamaged. You can take any Elemental Spirits you didn't grab earlier. And a couple you couldn't get to before. But enough about podunk towns in the middle of nowhere, let's check out this mine.


♪♪ Battle 1 ♪♪
SUDDENLY RANDOM ENCOUNTER! A Knife Master and two Choro Spears!


Each side in battle is split into a one-man Front Line and a two-man Back Line, and only the Front Line can attack directly or be targeted by most attacks. So even though we've got three opponents, we only have to worry about one at a time.

When you select a command, the triangles in the upper right start counting down. Once they all run out you can execute the command.


That command will be "Attack" most of the time. Knife Masters are the weakest enemies in the game and go down in one hit from even the broken sword. The box on the left displays what the enemy has chosen to do, allowing you to plan ahead a little.

You may also note that they saved all the pixels and animation for the battle sprites, and that's why they didn't have any left over for the map sprites.


After defeating the Knife Master, one of the Choro Spears gets bumped up to the front line. They take two hits, so Meis has to endure some counterattacks before the battle's over.


And the battle was worth 11 EXP, exactly enough to level Meis up to 2! Note that you alse get MP for winning battles.


One of the changes they made in the English version was to halve the encounter rate and double enemy HP and EXP, GG, MP rewards. So we manage to get all the way to the Ruins after only one battle.


The mineRuins is a pretty short maze of tunnels. Fortunately, most of the dead ends have treasure. You can get 3 potions, an antidote, and a Fire Bottle (casts Fire) out of chests in the Ruins (which is totally not a mine).



The most common enemy in the not-mine Ruins is the Katana Ghost! What a ridiculous idea, a ghost with katanas. What kind of weirdos would that appeal to? Anyway, these guys are chumps and have roughly as much HP as Meis can swing for. So we have about even chances of OHKOing them. Which is nice when it happens, because it means we don't take damage!

Also, Choro Spears show up a lot.


The decidedly unminelike Ruins is not a hard dungeon, and to make it even easier there's actually an inn in the middle of it. A free inn! There are two and exactly two excuses for dying in this dungeon. One is if some lost miner were to take a pickaxe to the walls and cause a cave-in. But who could possibly mistake the Ruins for a mine? Anyway, the other is the boss. And only in one specific circumstance.

Speaking of the boss... as you enter the room with the mineral, a strange spinning white round thing with arms drops from the ceiling and starts talking. Because this is Thousand Arms and Thousand Arms does not give a shit. Also, it talks like this:


Save Damashi: My KiNd ExIsT aLl OvEr ThE wOrLd. TaLk To ThEm In OrDeR tO sAvE yOuR gAmE. WhAt I'm TrYiNg To SaY iS tHaT wE aRe On YoUr SiDe. UnDeRsToOd?
_YES
_NO
>YOU DESERVE TO DIE IN A FIRE FOR TALKING LIKE THAT. SERIOUSLY, I WILL MURDER YOU.

Ok maybe those aren't the exact choices you're given.


I never turn down an opportunity to save, and neither should you. Because you never know when the unexpected might happen! Because if you did, it wouldn't be unexpected!

Oh look, a Mineral. I mean a RUINSral. Because this is the Ruins and not a mine at all. I'm sure we'll just be able to pick the ruinsral up and be on our merry way without any interference from any crustacean lifeforms.


♪♪ Battle 1 ♪♪
Nuts. (Video) (sorry for the choppiness, I was still experimenting with recording options)

The Scimitar Crab, incidentally, is not a crab! Crabs have ten legs, while you can see that ol' Scimmy here only has 4 to a side. Other features not found on Crabs include: giant f$&#ing swords (complete with handle) running through their back and head, and fingers. Basically, this thing is a horrible abomination and must be destroyed!

Also witness Advanced Thousand Arms Battle Tactic #1: if you're faster than the enemy, you can make an attack, then defend. As soon as the enemy has unleashed their attack, cancel your command with square and attack again! You take half damage with only a tiny reduction in your own damage over time.


Besides just smashing his huge head-sword into you, the Scimitar not-Crab can blow bubbles! Because the Japanese seem to think that's a thing that crabs can do? It doesn't hurt that much though. It hurts about as much as a regular attack, anyway.


Unless said regular attacks Criticals and deals over half Meis's Max HP. The picture shows a 2 only because the following 7 hasn't popped out yet.


Well that went about as well as one would expect a snooty rich kid with a half a sword going up against an enormous crustacean with a yard-long sword sticking out of his head to go.
Sodina's Voice, out of nowhere: Don't be discouraged!

Let's try this again shall we?
Video: Meis Wins! Flawless Victory!
Well that was easy. When an opponent defends it pretty much means you get two free attacks, since the AI never cancels its commands. And sometimes the enemy misses, and sometimes they do both in the same battle and you end up beating them without taking a single point of damage! So... Hooray?



Defeating the Scimitar Octopod bumps Meis up to level 4!


Meis isn't the only one to level up, either! His broken sword starts to glow as the Elemental Spirit inside it awakens. Or something. They'll never actually explain what exactly it did here, except SPIRITS.


Much more quantifiable is what it does to the sword. Its attribute changes from MATTER to LIGHT, it gains 4 points of OFFENSE and 1 DEFENSE, 5 CRITICAL RATE, 9 MULTI-ATTACK RATE, and a 9.5 bazillion COOLNESS because laser sword. All told, it's a pretty minor boost, except against foes who are particularly vulnerable to LIGHT attribute attacks. Such as undead wielding Japanese swords. And... not really anything else in this dungeon. Oh well.
Arms Count: 2/1000
Should we count this? It still says "Broken Sword!" Eh, sure, why not.

Once you claim the ruinsral, the game automatically warps you to the exit anyway. I head back inside because I didn't get all the treasure yet. Or show off this guy:


Every rose has its thorns. But only the most badass roses have sword vines. They did a pretty good job making visually interesting monster and character design! At least part of the time.


Not that sword arm-vines gives him any chance against Meis's laser sword. Pruning this rosebush bumps Meis up to level 5 and he gets his second CHARISMA. And they say that his heart grew one size that day. Because he killed a sword-armed rose with a broken laser sword. OH, VIDJAGAMES!


Now that Meis's heart is twice as big as it was before, let's head back to town and see about getting our broken laser sword fixed into a nice whole laser sword.


But as Meis approaches the forge, a stream of young ladies rushes past him, setting him spinning. He spins his way into the forge and finds the women fawning over Jyabil.

Sodina: It's always like this! At least there are fewer women than usual.

Girl 1: Jyabil, is my sister's sword ready?
Woman 2: Jyabil, have you sharpened my knife?
Girl 2: Mr. Jyabil, is my sword ready yet?
What the hell, that girl is like 8 why are her parents letting her have live steel!?

Jyabil: I'm sorry but you all must go. I can't work while you're here.

Woman 1: Oh I like it when he's cold like that...
Girl 1: Oh he's so cool!
Girl 2: That must be his secret to popularity!
Woman 2: I can't wait anymore... I must have him!

Oh... kay... The creepy loli/cougar stalker brigade heads on out. While Meis leers at them because he's Meis. Stay classy, Meis.


You stay classy too, Sodina.

Oh wait, she's talking about his smithing isn't she?

Meis:
_A. I can improve my skills as a Spirit Blacksmith!
>B. I get to meet so many girls!

Sodina: MEIS!
Sodina slaps Meis right across the cheek.
Slap Count: 1
Why yes, this is the only the beginning.

Jyabil: It's a waste of time to train those who can't understand the feelings of the Spirits.
Sodina: Meis is from a family of Spirit Blacksmiths. Eventually, he'll be able to listen to the Spirits!
Jyabil ponders for a moment...
Jyabil: As I promised, I'll fix your sword. Now, go get some rest.
Meis: I'm glad to be your student, master!
I didn't hear a yes. But sure, whatever.

Jyabil: Don't say that, you make me feel so old!
Meis: OK, Master!
Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

Meanwhile...
Video: 350% Your Recommended Daily Allowance of Foreshadowing
♪♪ Anxiety ♪♪


Well great. Who the hell are these guys?

I guess this is the Emperor of the Dark Acolytes and his inner circle, I guess. Not that there's any way to know that at this point, considering there's no introductions or anything. It's just HERE HAVE SOME VAGUE FORESHADOWING. For all you know at this point they're just a bunch of cosplayers and a hologram hanging out in a fancy hotel lobby with the lights turned low.

The Emperor himself appears to be a staticy shadow wreathed in smoke. Because being corporeal is for suckers. Also: THAT VOICE. That voice! Seriously you guys. The Emperor's voice may be the best thing about this game. Or any game.


One might be inclined to give the highest-ranking Dark Acolytes a unique name. One might decide to call them Dark Priests. So anyway, Shaft here seems to be the Emperor's right hand man.

Shaft: This world is about to become yours.
Great. The're conquering the world. Too bad there won't be any bands of plucky heroes assembling to foil their evil plot!

Emperor: Good. And what is the status of THAT matter?
Shaft: Yes, we have found the person with that power. We have made him aware of the greatness of your power.

Man the way Shaft's voice actor tries to deliver that line without making it sound as awkward as it actually is... He tries so hard, but it's just impossible.

Shaft: It is only a matter of time before he decides to join us.

Boy, I'm glad Meis isn't getting involved with these guys. They seem like trouble!


Oh boy! Some world building!

Emperor: I need the Holy Flame of the Light to complete my plans. We need someone who belongs to the Dark Clan, who can also wield the Flame of the Light. Find he who is worthy, and bring him to me.
Well that's stupid. Where are you gonna find someone like that? Maybe you should check with the Poorly Lit Clan.

As required by law, an appropriate reference.


That wraps up chapter one. Next Time on Dude! She's Like, Twelve! Let's Play Thousand Arms:
Episode 2: Love in Tradguld? Meis in Training!

I can dig it.

I'd forgotten that basically every enemy incorporates a blade into its design. Those should definitely count toward our thousand arms.