Do You Believe in True Love? Let's Play Thousand Arms!

This game is turning out to have far more implications than your previous LPs, which is impressive given the "we didn't really think they'd choose the girl protagonist" element.

I'm not entirely sure if that's a good thing, but it is an amusing thing.

Yeah, seriously - that must have taken some work even though the update was rather short.

The hat actually rather compliments her ensemble, considering the humongous shoulder bows, glowing green balls dangling from her ears, and the huge bell around her neck.

The hat fits so well I didn't notice she was suddenly be-hatted until nearly the end of the update, and even then it took me a good two more pictures to realize it was a santa hat.

Eh, it didn't, really. Just a bit of scaling, rotation, and repositioning. And copy/paste. It was surprisingly easy.
Clearly, I must now take every opportunity available to add increasingly ridiculous headwear to Sodina's pictures, until such a time as I find something that looks even sillier than her outfit, or the LP ends. I'm honestly not sure which will come first!

Shows what I know about image editing!

This is the best idea.

Double-best. The possibilities are endless. Sally forth!

I'm surprised that you aren't afraid of running out of silly hats before out-sillying Sodina's outfit.

Last time on Silly Hats Only: Let's Play Thousand Arms: we took advantage of a girl's grief, and then kidnapped her with the power of MASTER POINTS. Can you believe I used to think this game was just innocent fun?
Sodina: Let's keep it up!


so the Lucent Cave is south of Fort Teve; you have to head under this pretty cool rock arch to get there.


There are a couple new enemies to encounter around the cave. Knife Masters represent the racial tension brimming under the surface in Tradguld. Maybe. And Gear Hawks are frickin' mechanical birds, what more do you want?
I don't really know what to do about those talons, so I'm using executive privledge and declaring each of the Gear Hawk's two legs to be weapons.

Arms Count: 29/1000
Natural weapons do 1d8 slashing damage. Unless they're unnatural; those do 1d10 silly damage. Victims need to make a will save or burst out laughing.

Not pictured: Damashi can appear too!


Oooooh, preeeetttttyyyyy!
The inside of the Lucent Cave lives up to its name. It's filled with glowy crystals and bright walls that... honestly, kind of assault your eyes and make things visually confusing.

That chest on the right holds an Elixir, and I only manage to grab it about half the time; there's a tiny side path that's somewhat hidden behind a crystal that, because the cave is so visually busy, I usually confuse with an impassible rock.


And naturally, with a new dungeon comes new enemies. Or old ones with a new paint job. Also here: Mace Gearmen like the one we killed at the Mirror of Souls.

Freelance Ninja are fast, naturally. They can also poison you with their normal attack. It's pretty rare, though.

Harakiri Ghosts are slower, unless they use their quick-draw special. They're a bit low on HP, so a good critical or multi-attack will kill them outright, but they hit harder than the other enemies around.

Sword Crabs are the big bruisers, though. They have crazy Offense and Defense, and take three hits to kill instead of the usual two. They've still got that silly bubble attack, but

Oh well that's just fantastic. It can Paralyze. That's the yellow effect, by the way; the mini-damashi and stars indicate that Meis got Stunned. Stun resets a combatant's action counter. But Paralyze freezes the counter, so in this case the stun didn't have any effect.

I didn't even know you could get paralyzed this early in the game, so I didn't have any Hi Antidotes to cure him! Meis had the honor of getting carved up by the crab for several turns until he recovered naturally.

So where was I? Oh yeah:
Arms Count: 36/1000
Being a Freelance Ninja is rough, you never know if you'll get enough assassinations to pay the bills.


Back at Mist Valley we killed the Mace Gearman too fast for him to pull off this move; by jumping ass-first at Meis, he creates a shockwave that hits the whole party.


Check it out, though: at a high enough W-level, the M. Sword changed color. As we continue to improve them, weapons will change color and eventually even shape.
Arms Count: 37/1000
If I'm counting the weapons of palette swapped enemies, I guess I need to count palette swaps of our own party's weapons.

(The trails behind Meis mean he's getting a critical hit.)


Much of the Lucent Cave consists of these crystal platforms sticking out of the water. There's several dead-ends in these rooms, and sometimes the path forward can be hard to make out when it's hidden behind something.


It's also the first long dungeon. The Ruins and Mist Valley took maybe 20 minutes to explore fully, but you can expect to spend that much time just going straight to the end in the Lucent Cave. I usually have to make two trips because Sodina runs out of EP, but all the running around I've done for the LP caused me to overlevel a bit.

There arent' many forks in the path either. The big one is the 6-way intersection pictured above. The way forward is second from the left; some of the others lead to chests containing an antidote and a potion.


Halfway through the dungeon is a treasure chest stuck on the other side of a big wall of crystal. To get to the Comic Book (a gift for girls, because Sodina is such a comics nerd) you have to find a staircase near the end that leads behind the wall.


As promised, there's a smithy deep in the cave. We'll take the opportunity to update our W-Levels, since we gained four levels since leaving Kant.

Video: The Sacred Altar

And behind that is a big round platform with a brazier in the middle. This is the place with the magic healing mojo?

Sodina: Yes! That hammer! Jyabil was doing something with it...
Great, how specific. Maybe if we just wave it around a bit?


Huh, it worked. Go figure. Either that, or Meis is hallucinating.

A ghostly glowing sword appears in the brazier. Not instantly, mind you; it takes about thirty seconds of swirling particles and mysterious sound effects to fade in.

Meis: The Elemental Spirits are curious about the kinds of swords I forge. Sodina, come with me!


AHH WHERE'D THIS FIRE COME FROM!? IT BURNS OH GOD IT BURNS!

The fireball that engulfed Meis and Sodina turns into a ball of light and flies around the platform before disappearing.


♪♪ The Holy Flame ♪♪
Huh. New we're on a copy of that platform floating in spaaaaaaaaace, and looking a lot newer than the one we were on before.


As Meis steps toward the brazier, ghostly figures begin to speak to him. Their voices might have been passed through some voice-changing software. Just maybe.

Ancient Master 2: The Holy Flame draws power from the mind. The Darkness draws from hatred. The Light draws from higher love.
Ancient Master 3: The flame instills power to the swords. The one who obtains the power of the Holy Flame can use the Elemental Beasts.
Ancient Master 4: Sacred Altars lie in various places. Use the Holy Flame to forge swords. Alight your hammer with the Holy Flame.
Ancient Master 5: Use the sword forged with the power of Spirit to protect the Holy Flame from the evil.


One of the Ancient Masters turned into a ball of light and made this thing appear. Aquoon is a blue dragon-like creature with four arms holding a big blue orb.


Aquoon flies down into Meis.

Meis: Wow! I can feel the power...

Great. We just got inducted into some flame-worshipping sword-forging demon-summoning cult. And one of the demons now lives inside Meis. THANKS, JYABIL.

Meis holds up Jyabil's hammer (probably? It's identical to the one he had on his sprite before, and nobody mentioned what he did with his own) and the Holy Flame leaps from the brazier into the hammer.


Meis: This is great! The power flows from the hammer!
Sodina: Jyabil told me... to impart the power of the Elemental Spirits, you need the love of a girl who's of pure heart and soul. Meis, let's forge the sword together. I know it sounds embarrassing... But I'd like to be of help to you.

Aww isn't that sweet of her? It's like she's already developed Stockholm Syndrome! Anyway, to leave magic floating rock land, just stand on the glowing circle.


Well shit. We got followed. Quick, kill it!


More palette swaps! Well, I'll forgive them, since everything's so well animated.
Arms Count: 38/1000
The palette-swapped nail gets hammered down.


I never mentioned it before, but where Sodina and Muza have Special, Meis has Summon instead. While they learn their Specials from forging weapons, Meis has to find Sacred Altars to get more Summons.


By the way, Aquoon is our first source of water-elemental damage! Since Sodina imbues weapons with the light attribute, and we only have wind and earth spells. It hits for 77 damage here, versus Meis's 50ish regular attacks. After Aquoon it takes two swings to bring the Dark Gearman down.

Sodina: The Ancient Masters said there are Sacred Altars all over the world. Let's go through Fort Teve and go to Hatoba, in Searock. That should lead us to the next Sacred Altar.

Once again we get warped to the exit after fininshing the dungeon. Good thing too, because as previously mentioned, the cave is looooonnnnnng.

Before heading to Fort Teve, though, I swing by Boyzby and grab a couple Hi Antidotes just in case. I've been getting hit by status ailments like crazy this playthrough!


Muza comes out to greet us as we near the fort.

Muza: Don't get discouraged, Sodina. We were attacked during the invasion of Boyzby... Only if I was there to help...
Damn those Dark Acolytes! I ain't gonna forgive them! I'll go with you guys. My strength is that of a hundred men.
Meis:
>A. Yeah, you eat as much as a hundred men.
_B. You sure are cool, Muza.


Oops! Must be a sore spot with him.

Meis: I was just kidding. Let's get going, Muza. Alright! Sodina! Muza! Let's head to the Sacred Altar!

He joins at level 12, showing that I'm slightly overlevelled with Meis and Sodina at 14. The level advantage even gives Meis the edge in HP and Offense, so we'll leave him in the front slot until Muza catches up a bit.
Arms Count: 39/1000
Yeah, that's the sword Jyabil forged. But where did he get Elemental Power from? It couldn't have been Sodina; the Claymore comes with the Wind attribute, not Sodina's Light attribute. And he used to chase all other women out of the forge...


There's all-new dialogue inside the fort, but it's all dumb so I won't bother sharing it. But as we leave through the back door...

Meanwhile...
Oh man. you guys have no idea how excited I am for this scene. This is where it all begins, the most entertaining voice acting in the history of everything ever.
Video: Meanwhile, in Funkytown...

A familarly coiffed fellow approaches the ...throne(?) while one of the Dark Acolytes swoons.


Seriously, watch the video, you have to hear that. He doesn't say "darkness," he says "daaaaaaaaaaaahknessss." And this is only the beginning. The further we advance in the game, the longer and longer he'll draw out that word. It had to be a running joke by the voice actor and director.

Emperor: In order for us to rule the world, we need the power of the Light. Your father and grandfather were both talented Spirit Blacksmiths.
Dark Master: My father?
Emperor: I know you can use the power of the Light.


Bearing: Give me the order!
Well holy shit, first Master Points and now this. There's some serious D/S shit going on here.


The big purple flame/miasma cloud behind the Emperor flares up at this, and Bearing has the sense to shut his mouth. The Emperor has the power to... uh... project his hologram places, and make fire/miasma flare up?

Emperor: Dark Master, you have the power of the Light and Darkness. I know you can do this. Bolt, I command you to help him.


Bolt's the resident big dumb dude. That's dumb with a capital K.


As the Dark Master (now where have I seen him before?) turns to leave, all the Dark Acolyte generals experience spontaneous existance failure. Ok, so they teleport away, but they do it by simply disappearing in a single frame. Bearing gives a grumbly little emote box before he goes.

Shaft: So that is the Dark Master.
It sure is!

Anyway, I've been ragging on Master Points and all so far, but there's a slightly more innocent mundane explanation behind all this "master" stuff. In the original Japanese, Spirit Blacksmiths are also known as "Meisters," (e.g. Dark Meister) and the whole forging system was called the Meister System. Meister, of course, is German for master, and the localization just cut out the middleman and just went with the English. Which then brought in some rather unfortunate connotations which weren't present originally. With this context you can see the intended meaning in Meis's name.

I'm still going to milk it for all it's worth, of course.

Next Time, on Get Away From Me, You Maniac! Let's Play Thousand Arms:
Wyna! The daughter of the pirate, Grapple.



Sodina: HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!

Someone must have been a big Legend fan (@1:27). Gotta love that Tim Curry.


It was way better when I thought Meis's name was a homonym for "a lot of tiny rodents".

See you next year!

As hilarious as it is to call him Mast in the context of being the latest in a line of womanizing sword-hammerers, in a world where the power of a weapon comes from making it with a woman, I can't think of a single good joke about it.

I mean, besides how likely it is that Mast will one day cross swords with Shaft.

Last Time on 998 More Than You Need: Let's Play Thousand Arms: Lucent Cave! Sacred Altar! Muza! Dark Master!

On today's episode: Talktalktalktalktalktalk! It's time for Episode 5: Wyna! The Daughter of the pirate, Grapple.


♪♪ Beginning of the Journey ♪♪
Here's where we are now. The red dot is Meis, just south of the green dot representing Fort Teve. Tradguld is all that land to the east, with Boyzby in the center. Just below the orange arrow indicating our facing is Hatoba, our current destination. Yes, it's surrounded by mountains.


But that's all right, because there's a path leading through the mountains. It's not like anybody ever missed this tiny road their first time playing the game and followed the land around to the south until they got attacked by monsters that were way too hard and died. Certainly not me, of course.

Video: Scenic Overlook with camera facing the wrong way

Sodina: I've never seen such a beautiful place before. This is my first time outside of Boyzby.
Perhaps she meant "outside of Tradguld", because she told us she was taken to the Lucent Cave when she was little. To say nothing of our earlier excursions to Mist Valley and Fort Teve.

Muza: Were you and Jyabil born in Boyzby?


Huh. Does anyone else smell orphan in here?


Oh, Meis does too.

Muza: If it's one thing that I learned back home... Good timing is important for two things... Dealing with enemies and impressing women.
This from the guy who's idea of impressing women is to freeze and turn blue.


Meis: Sodina, everything will be alright. I will protect you with all my love.
Now... gimme a kiss!


Sodina: Get away you maniac!

Slap count: 4
Real smooth, Meis. Now that you've got timing down, how about you work on not being a creepy creeper creep?


Fine. We'll go to the city and Meis'll find some other girl to hit on and then Sodina'll be sorry!


♪♪ Seaside Samba ♪♪

Hatoba is a big port city, which I guess makes it the main sea lane for Tradguld, considering neither Boyzby nor Kant were even close to the sea. Most of the commerce probably comes from Boyzby's Airship port.

Man: Hatoba is the town of Ship Masters. There used to be many who could imbue spirits into sails and rudders. Nowadays, the only people who can do those things are from that town behind the closed gate.
I wonder if spirit-imbued ships can go berserk too? "Screw fishing, I wanna be a pirate ship!"


Also in Hatoba: a chicken. But not just any chicken, though, it's the world's best-animated chicken! Stare and be amazed! (Note: if you find yourself experiencing insufficient amazement, continue staring until amazement reaches acceptable levels)

These houses on the path leading to the port are full of boring people. A Young Man laments that he can't go on dates like Meis (he should have grabbed the Elemental Spirit in his stove for some quick Master Points), a Girl remarks on the beauty of ocean sunsets (even though the sun should set in the mountains west of town), and an Old Lady mentions that the Dark Acolytes show up around the city every once in a while (but I guess the Emperor didn't recruit the Dark Ship Master and sic his army on the town because he was pissed off at the Light Ship Master).

Video: Uh, okay...

Reaching the actual port, Meis finds a girl with bright green hair who asks him to play with her and Meis agrees because he is Meis.

Meis:
>A. Of course!
_B. Ah, y...yeah.


Are those... castanets? What the hell?

Meis:
>A. Of course!
_B. Ah, y...yeah.

Girl: You're pretty good...

So yeah, that was short and pointless. The game doesn't tell you what she gives you for answering correctly, but it's a Revive EX. She walks off and leaves Meis wondering:

Now that sounds like the kind of dialogue in which an NPC informs the PCs about some nearby location which turns out to be important to their quest.


And then we get a lead on how to get there! We just need to get involved with some shady individuals. If you talk to this guy before the one above, he mentions an altar (perhaps a Sacred one?) in the ruins on the volcanic island that's designed to hold a flame (perhaps a Holy one?).


Hatoba's item shop, "Siren" (have I mentioned that's a nice touch that the stores were given names?) has a few new items that we have no need to buy. Also for salo: Necronomicons for 150 GG. Buy one for your creepy old mansion/terrifying hell-cave/log cabin deep in the woods today!


And the gift shop "Tropico" has a bunch of makeup and flowers! I don't buy anything.


There's a goddess statue here too, but I have no reason to use it.


Anyway, everyone's talking about a "town on the cape" named Langoud that's sealed off and home to unsavory folk. Good thing we're not going there!


But talking to that guy who told us to find an old guy let us find this Old Shipmate in the bar "Pitcher." And he likes to drink "chili," WINK WINK.

The waiter warns us that Old Shipmate just wants to make make a fool of us, but we don't have much of a choice because we can't advance until we do this.

Meis: Muza! You take care of this!


Muza: No way am I gonna lose to an old geezer!
It's worth recalling that Muza is, in fact, 21 years old. So there's no worries about underage chili drinking going on.


Old Shipmate: Hahaha! You're not bad, kiddo. But you've still got a lot to learn. You're not considered a real chili drinker until your blood starts boiling!
Aside from the fact that boiling blood is fatal, that's some awfully yellow chili. Being served in beer mugs.


As the contest progresses, both participants grow progressively redder and sway on their feet. Almost as if they were becoming intoxicated!


Oh hey, the old man collapsed! Muza wins!

Old Shipmate: Oh, I'm getting old. Langoud is the name of the town at the cape, behind that gate. The people there are rumored to be pirates. That's why everyone's afraid of 'em. If anybody can get to the volcanic island, it's them. They don't trust outsiders, though...
Well that's great. How are we supposed to get them to listen to us if they hate outsiders?

When the old man stops moving, Muza fears the worst. Sodina has to point out that he's only asleep. See, he's got that bubble and everything. Also, it's well known that excessively imbibing chili makes you fall asleep. The waiter informs us this happens all the time, and that the old man will eventually wake up and go home.

After falling asleep from drinking too much chili. Yellow chili, served from beer mugs, in a bar. That impairs your balance, and can make you fall asleep. Guys, I'm beginning to think that wasn't really chili.


Back at the formerly-sealed gate, we have, uh, progress? Better two goons than two feet of solid steel, I guess.


And now that Muza's all chili-ed up, nobody cares about the volcanic island anymore. The latest buzz is about a mysterious warrior (secretly from Langoud) with a grudge against weapons. Well, as a representative from the Spirit Blacksmith profession, Meis can't just stand by and let this go on!

To the Meismobile!


♪♪ Burning Calypso ♪♪
Finding him was easy enough. Nice eyepatch, dude.

Sodina: Th, this must be that warrior the townspeople were talking about! What should we do, Meis?
Meis: Leave it up to me, Sodina! Hey, you! Is it true that you know about Langoud?
Mysterious Warrior: What!? That's none of you business!
Meis: It's your hammer against my sword! If I win, you tell me all you know about Langoud.
Mysterious Warrior: Yeah, right! Your dull blade is no match for my strength!

Say what? OH IT'S ON NOW!

Muza: Wait, Meis! Let me, the mighty warrior Muza, handle this!
Mysterious Warrior: What's up with him? He's so gung-ho. ...Oh well, I don't care. I'll beat both of you anyway!


Mysterious Warrior takes a swing at Muza's sword. A loud clang resounds through the air.

Muza: Wow, that was a good hit! If this was any other sword, it would've snapped in two!
They proceed to take a few swings at each other without effect.

Muza: Oh well, here goes nothing! Twister Blade!
(Fun fact: If you used Twister Blade back when the gearmen attacked Fort Teve, Muza has 0 uses when he joins up. If you haven't dropped by an inn since he joined, he won't actually have any uses for this scene, but uses it anyway.)


The tornado rips off the warrior's cloak, revealing a ...oh boy...



Well, I feel pandered to. Yeah, that's a metal bikini top and loincloth. And she fights in it. Stay classy, character designer Yuuya Kusaka.


Muza is feeling something else entirely. Bye Muza, see you later!

Mysterious Warrior: It's been a long time since I've been this excited! Alright, let's go!
...Huh? What's wrong?
Sodina: Muza's paralyzed again.
Mysterious Warrior: What? You can't fight me cuz I'm a woman? Well, too bad! Yaaaah!!


No matter how you look at it, she just broke his sword in half. This will not be important later, in fact the game completely ignores that it happened at all.

Mysterious Warrior: Where'd your confidence go, huh? Guess I was wrong about you after all! Hahahaha!!


When Meis steps forward, she tries to warn him off, but what kind of protagonist would he be if he let her walk away now?

Meis: Oh yeah? Let's see about that!
Mysterious Warrior: I'm gonna break your neck instead of your sword, punk!!


So now we have to fight her! It's a seriously boring battle because there's nothing to do but just trade hits and she is a mountain of HP. As a result, she's the first fight actually worth the title of boss. And as we continue, we'll see a bit of a theme emerge with boss HP totals.


Her attacks hit pretty hard, too, but there's nothing she can do to overcome Sodina's healing, so you just have to slug it out and keep healed. She is slower than Meis, so you can use the defend-cancel trick if you want.

Video: Wyna's Backstory

After you deal enough damage the battle ends, leaving her rather impressed.

Sodina: Meis is a great Spirit Blacksmith! Even your power can't break his sword!


Uh, what?


Wyna: When my old man and I fought, I accidentally broke his favorite sword. He's so angry, I can't go home until I repair it. I know I can't fix it, so I'm trying to replace it.


Wyna: Please, I'll do anything in exchange for your sword! Just name it!
Uh-oh. Now you've said it.

Meis: I'm sorry but I can't give you my sword. I can fix your sword, if you want.
Wyna: Huh!? Really?
Meis:
_A. Father's sword, huh? I'll do it.
>B. How about a date with me, then?


Sodina reveals that she hasn't been paying any attention at all this whole time.

Meis: Sodina! I didn't mean it that way...!
...There's really only one way to take that!

Wyna: Hey, no problem! Actually, why don't we just do it right here?
Buh? Wha, really?


Hand-to-hand? Huh? What does that have to do with--


Slap count: 5
Ow.

Wyna: Ah, that was a great workout! ...What? That's not how a date's supposed to be? It's not a big deal, right? Anyway, I'll be waiting in front of the gates of Langoud!


Drag him?


Oh. So yeah, for this bit you actually have a blue Muza gliding along behind you. It's this sort of thing that I love about this game.

Approach the Langoud gates again sees Muza return to full color.

Meis:
>A. (Sigh) What are you saying?
_B. You don't have to fake it, Muza!
Muza: What's up, Meis? Why are you so tired?
Meis: Why am I so tired? I'd rather be walking with a girl than dragging your sorry ass around!
Sodina: Meis!


Slap count: 6
His cheek has got to be feeling pretty sore about now.


Sorry, I had to run around and watch Muza glide around like he was attached to Meis via rubber band.

With Wyna's presence we can get past the guards into Langoud.

♪♪ Friends ♪♪

It's a bit on the industrial side.

Wyna: I'll be waiting for you in the tower. Bring back the sword after you fix it, then I'll take you to see him.


What an upstanding, law-abiding gentleman! That is a man I would trust with my valuables.


There's something else to know about Langoud. The people here do not believe in the fourth wall.


See?


Now, Langoud is divided into three districts and the Control Tower. The only way to move between these four areas are a square of bridges connecting towers in each district. The southeastern district has the Inn and Smithy, as well as the entrance.

Why does a city need a control tower? It is a mystery.


The second district in the southwest has the Goddess statue and the bar, as well as this ignorant child who wouldn't know the truth if it slept with his mother.


In the bar we meet a familiar, if forgetful, face.

A residence in the second district has a couple NPCs in it.
Old Lady: You can't invade my privacy, even if you are the main character of the game! Don't go snooping around my house!
Young Woman: Did you know that Wyna's eye patch is only for looks? Sometimes she wears it on the wrong side. Pay close attention, and you'll see what I'm talking about.
I think this is a sprite-flipping thing. For reference, the eyepatch is normally on her right eye, but it's already appeared on her left eye once already.

Eyepatch Inconsistency Count: 1


The third district contains the shops. In addition to the usual assortment of healing items, the item shop "ROFT" sells attack items of the four basic elements! Unfortunately, they're a little too pricey to grab very many of at this stage in the game.


And the gift shop "CATLUS" sells a strange variety of items like cacti and sweatbands.


♪♪ King of Pirates ♪♪

The Control Tower actually has some bathrooms! And three elixirs in a treasure chest on the main floor.


Also present are these huge cables labelled "D" and "U" for no immediately apparent reason.

There's an observation deck just off the tower's upper level. Those nicknames all suck except for TA.


Also out on the deck is our first Print Club machine. You bring a girl here and pick a frame and it takes a picture. Having pictures is just as useful in a world-saving quest as you'd expect. I'll show it off at some point for the sake of completeness, but that dick at the front of the line is hogging the machine for now.


We have to go back inside and to the basement to get Grapple's sword, and down there we meet this guy. He wants to learn the art of infusing mops and buckets with Elemental Spirits. So he can go out with some picky girl with a janitor fetish.


Just past him is the curious Power Generation Room, staffed by five identical Priestesses who are "responsible for the secret of Langoud" (oooh, mysterious!). Including one with two passions: cleaning and dating. She's too busy with priestessing for either right now, though.


Anyway, that's all for the town, let's grab the sword from this storeroom and fix it up.


With the sword fixed, we meet up with Wyna at the top of the Control Tower.

Wyna: Thanks guys! Didn't you say you wanted to know more about the Langoud?
Meis: We want to go the Volcanic Island.
Wyna: Oh, I see. Well then, you're gonna have to talk to my old man about it. He's in the back room.


And now we can access the control room! What do you mean, most cities don't have control rooms? Don't let it bother you.

Video: Great Grapple, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Langoud

Going into the backroom we meet up with Wyna again.


One spotlight, a curtain draw, and a drumroll later, a large man rides into the room on his chair. Hey, I know! Let's have some fanservice!


Interesting choice of camera angle there!

Grapple: It has a mysterious new luster. It looks stronger and more beautiful. Oh, I get it! You must have stolen a sword that looks just like my old one. Well done, Wyna. That's my girl. Your thievery is first class!


She delivers that last line with such pride that you'd think she actually fixed it herself.

Grapple: Oh, really? Well, let me introduce myself. I'm Great Grapple, the Chief of Langoud. You took care of my daughter. Thanks. What do you want? Money? Women? Just name it!

Well, he had to ask. You know what that means.

Sodina: MEIS!
Grapple: You're pretty funny, kid!
Wyna: What about the Volcanic Island, Meis?
Grapple: You guys want to go to the Volcanic Island? You guys are very brave. I'll take you there! Hehhehheeheehee...

We get some views of the townspeople running around as Grapple's booms over a PA system.

Grapple: It's time to get going! Everyone get ready!


Well, ok. Maybe not everyone. Must have drunk too much chili again.


There's probably a good chance you, the reader, have already figured out how we're going to get to the island.

Meis: So, Wyna, which ship are we taking? I don't see any ships that are preparing to depart.


Eyepatch Inconsistency Count: 2

Grapple: This is your first time in Langoud, right? Get a load of this! It'll knock your socks off!


The priestesses start up the reactor, the chains holding the city in place release, and the domed structures become turrets.
Grapple: Cast off all lines!


The connection to the mainland retracts...


Grapple: Langoud, aweigh anchor! Let's get outta here!


Surprise! the entire city is itself a seafaring vessel! We're on our way to the Volcanic Island now, riding in style on a floating city powered by a magitech reactor.

Next time on Yo ho ho, A Pirate's Life for me! Let's Play Thousand Arms:
Episode 5: Doomed encounter! The disciple of the dark.

I don't think this is right.




Ah, the classics.

Heh, I do love looking at that list every now and then.

You'd think I would have caught something like that before I posted it, but apparently not! Fixed now.
We sure will be hitting a lot of the things on this list by the time we're done.

Sodina's putting her reclaimed energy to good use.

Last time on Slap Slap: Let's Play Thousand Arms:


Today, on Kiss Kiss: Let's Play Thousand Arms:


But first, an erratum: Eyepatch Inconsistency Count: 3

♪♪ King of Pirates ♪♪
So we're inside the gigantic Mobile Marine Fortress City Langoud on our way to the Volcanic Island, waiting for dinner. Great Grapple has promised us a huge banquet, and we're just waiting for him to call us up. For a band of pirates who hate outsiders, we sure have gotten a heck of a warm welcome. Fix a guy's sword and he throws you a huge dinner and uproots his city from its location to take you to an active volcano that nobody else will go near.


Now that the generator's running, those big cables are revealed to be a manner of elevator. We take it down to the power room again, to hear more wisdom from the Priestesses.

Priestess 1: It is said that Langoud fell into the sea one day. The Langoud takes its fuel from a mysterious power.
Priestess 2: We, the priestesses, control the Star Power which becomes the energy for the Langoud.
Priestess 3: The legends say that there used to be a Dragon's Spirit living on Langoud and it protected the people.
Priestess 4: Wyna's mother used to be one of the Priestesses of Langoud. She used up all of her power she had and...
Meanwhile, Priestess 5 is nowhere to be found.


Also, we can get into Wyna's and Grapple's rooms now, and nab the Elemental Spirits there. We're going to need a lot of Master Points soon.

After a few map changes, we hear Grapple calling over the PA that the food's ready.


But the food's not going anywhere, so we keep running about town. If you keep running around long enough, Grapple will make a couple more announcements in which he complains about the food getting cold or that he's getting hungry.


The food might not be going anywhere, but a hungry pirate lord sounds like a scary thing, so let's get on with it.

Grapple: We'll talk later, let's eat!

Nasty guys causing problems? Whoever could he mean?

Video: Bolt goes nuts.

♪♪ The Evil Mecha 5 ♪♪
While carrying drinks (for the robots. Maybe it's oil?), the red-capped Dark Acolyte trips and sends the beverages crashing to the ground at Bolt's feet.

Lady Officer: Oh no... I'm sorry, General Bolt! Please forgive me!
Bolt: It's all right. Don't worry about it. Everybody makes mistakes. Be more careful next time.


Who actually uses the word "sagacious?" Nobody, that's who. Nobody every uses the word "sagacious." Also, I don't think I'd call him chivalrous, considering there's one female in the room and she's being forced to serve drinks to all her male co-workers.

Officer A Oh, no!
Officer B Oh, my...
Hey, I think they suddenly realized the sexist environment in their workplace! Hahaha, if only. No, it's just that Bolt starts freaking out.

Bolt: What did you say? I don't understand what you said! Are you making fun of me?


Bolt starts venting steam, his body swells up like a balloon, and then a bunch of huge bolts explode out of him and fly around the room, killing everyone.

Bolt: Phew... What happened? I don't remember anything... Uhh...

Guess who was watching from the safety of the doorway! Our old friend Dark Master!

But nobody cares about him, let's food!


♪♪ Bourbon Blues ♪♪
Say what you will about pirates, they know how to throw bitchin' rad parties. We've got dancers and everyone at the table has their own priestess acting as waitress!


Meis: Wow! Look at these beautiful babes!!! And there are so many of them! I like this town already, hehehehe!

Oh, Meis. You never change.

Grapple: Arrr! Of course they're beautiful. They are descended from the most beautiful women of the world! Our ancestors used to be pirates. People used to pee in their pants they saw them coming! Arrr!
Meis: They collected beautiful women from all over the world? Ahhh yeah!
Meis immediately says "screw it" to the Sacred Altar thing and lives the rest of his life as a pirate.

Grapple: Aye! That's right! It was a time when that sorta thing was OK to do. We don't do that stuff anymore!
Do you hear that sound? That sound is Meis's dreams shattering into a million pieces.


Ah, of course. First you collect women from all over the world, then you blast everyone with your big cannon.

Meis: So... like father, like daughter. Now I see why Wyna is the way she is.
Grapple: W, Wyna? Did you just say Wyna?
Meis:
_A. She is incredibly beautiful!
>B. I think I'm in love with her!
I want to tan her already golden skin with my burning passion. Hey, that sounded good!
MEIS! You can't do that, the game is rated T!


I can't believe Meis got away with saying that about Wyna in front of her father.

Rather than transcribe Grapple's following monologue, let me summarize.
Grapple wanted to put Wyna in her place and show her, as a woman, she can't out-fight all men. And then proceeded to lose to her. Oh, woe is him! Why can't Wyna just embrace her feminine side and find a husband?
So basically, this is the sexism update. Or maybe that's every update? ...Why did I agree to LP this game again?


Quick, let's change the subject, before we choke on the chauvinism!




Grapple: Wyna, my Wyna... Isn't there someone who will be her Guardian Angel? I'm so worried about my little girl.

(The following image is presented in glorious ._.-O-Vision)

Seems Muza's got a thing for Wyna. This promises to be an endless source of amusement.

Grapple: ZZzzZZzz... ZZzzZZzz...
Meis: He's asleep!
Sodina: Wow... he must really love his daughter.
So much that he falls asleep while talking about her!


Also, the priestess waitresses are mute, so a dancer has to walk on-screen to deliver this line. They don't bother mentioning that Wyna's mom pulled a Tellah here, so if you don't talk to Priestess 4 ahead of time you just sit here confused.

Sodina: Let's not wake him up.... We should get going, Meis.

But where the hell has Wyna been this whole time, and what does she have to say for herself?

Wyna: What's wrong with a girl living her own life? I want to follow my own path...

The pirate princess wants to live free on her own terms. Who'd have thought?


Let's not, because Print Club is stupid. Though it's not like we have a choice. Everyone say "Fuzzy Pickles!"


Sodina: Let's cut them apart and share them. Do you have scissors?
Meis: Oh, I can cut them with my sword! It's a piece of cake!

This is pretty much only here to tell you that you can use the Print Club machine now, if you like throwing money away. Also to get everyone out on the deck.


Hooray! We get to GAMEPLAY again! Let's get out there and RPG up some dungeon!

On our way out the door, we get NEW PARTY MEMBER. YAY!


Wyna is another physically adept tank. She's just behind Muza in Offense, but has slightly more Elemental Power. But essentially, they're interchangable aside from their Specials.
Arms Count: 40/1000
She's awfully skinny to be swinging a hammer like that, isn't she?


♪♪ The Blacksmithery ♪♪
Did I say we'd be going into a dungeon next? I guess I lied! We've got a new girl, and a new girl means more forgin'! At Intimacy 1 she can add Fire and Sleep to weapons.


Wyna's Mini-game is Whack-A-Damashi. The d-pad and the face buttons hit the corresponding windows. You need to watch out and make sure you don't hit Wyna when she shows up, or she'll yell at you and you can't hit damashis for a short time.


I think the difficulty of the minigames increasing depending on the intimacy level, so I didn't have any trouble getting all 50 damashi this time. The 90% hit % means I hit a few extra buttons though.

Video: Getting Wyna's Intimacy Caught Up

♪♪ Exciting Date ♪♪
Well, we have te get Wyna's Intimacy up to 3, so let's hop to it.
Wyna's favorite date spot is in the banquet hall behind the bridge. She's slightly harder to date than Sodina, but so long as you've been paying attention to her and her father so far you'll do fine. She values strength, courage, and independence, and she's less of a prude than Sodina.


Meis asks her what's most important to her.

Wyna: I guess that would be my dad. He's the only family I got. About four years ago, I was attacked by a sea serpent. He stayed up for days nursing me back to health. He may seem lazy, but when things have got to get done, he takes care of them.


At Intimacy 2, she can imbue Cure (heals Poison and Sleep) and Might Guts (boosts Offense).


Step 1: Make girl happy.


Step 2: Kiss GET!
Smooch! Count: 2


Step 3: Forge!
Yeah, the only thing she can add at intimacy 3 is Muza's Storm Binder (single-target damage, inflicts Sleep) special. Even worse, most girls have at least one level without any spells or specials. There's only one who grants something at every level; can you guess who?


Step 4: Make girl unhappy.
Wow, who'd have thought Muza had it in him?


Step 5: Get kiss anyway.
Smooch! Count: 3

What's that you say? She's already at intimacy 3, and there's no point in raising it further until Meis's Charisma goes up again? True! But since that happens at Meis's next level, I figure I may as well get it out of the way.

And that means going out with Sodina some more, too.

Please note: when she accuses you of saying irresponsible things but secretly being dependable, you shouldn't respond by saying something irresponsible. Go figure.


Smooch! Count: 4
But Sodina has gotten used to it by now, and the date ends well.

Also I give Sodina a Comic Book.

Huh... she likes it. Both Wyna and Sodina respond favorably to getting the comic book, so you can give it to either of them.

I also played each girl's mini-game again to nudge their Intimacy to level 4. With that, they're all taken care of for the next 6 levels.


So now we can get spelunking. By the way, if you run around behind the volcano, you can see that there's an active lava flow pouring out of the crater. I don't see what could possibly go wrong!


Unsurprisingly, the volcanic caverns have you run around over rivers of magma with no regard for the extreme temperatures. Also there's a treasure chest submerged in the magma! How did it get there? How is it not burning or melting? And most importantly, how can we get what's inside?


There's an all-new set of enemies to deal with in the volcano. Pirate Orcs are a common sight, wield twin cutlasses, and have a... breath attack... that inflicts Poison.
Arms Count: 42/1000
Pirate Orcs should be a new internet meme now that Pirate Ninjas and Pirate Zombies are yesterday's news.


Bomber Ghosts are the most annoying foes here. They're fast, and their bombs hurt like hell. Their special move is to eat their own bombs and explode, damaging themselves to deal... about as much as a regular attack. Except they don't take any damage from it if they're low on HP already!
Arms Count: 44/1000
They never seem to run out of bombs, but since this is Thousand Arms, not Infinite Arms, we're only counting two.


Last, aside from Damashi, are the Lava Giants. They should be really be called Magma Giants as long as they're underground like this. They only appear alone, but make up for it in strength and toughness. They don't hit quite as hard as Bomber Ghosts, but their special causes eruption underneath the party's feet, dealing minor fire damage to everyone.
Arms Count: 46/1000
Okay, so they aren't weapons, per se, but the things coming out of his shoulders are literally arms.


Now that we've got more people in the party than can fit in battle, it's time to talk meta-strategy. Typically, only one or two people will have access to their Specials during a boss fight, you can feel free to use up everyone else's during the dungeon to quickly clear out groups of dangerous enemies.


Similarly, everyone who you don't need to have casting spells later can feel free to blow through their MP on post-battle healing and multi-target spells.

Long story short: Save Muza's and Meis's Specials, and Meis's and Sodina's MP. With everyone else, go nuts!


The first thing of note in the Volcanic crater is a treasure chest with a Wise Ring inside. It prevents Poison, and like the Evade Ring is limited to females. I guess the band is too small to fit on Meis's or Muza's broad manly fingers.


The second thing to grab lies at the very top of the volcano, right on the rim of the crater. This is the first of the game's five Silver Angels, which can be used on a girl to immediately increase her intimacy level by 1.

Those chests are the only things you can get to in the dungeon until you come upon this boulder. Or should I say, upunder this boulder. You can reach it from the other side on your way up to the crater, but nothing happens unless you cross the magma river and approach it from below.


At which point it starts rolling down the ramp while Meis runs around like crazy.


After crashing into a wall, it does some landscaping work and diverts the magma river, opening a new area!


Heading down the former riverbed, we find the tunnel forward, and...


The chest that was formerly submerged in magma! Let's see what's inside!

Video: A Crazy Old Man

...It's a strange old man with a penchant for spinning!

Smoochy: Finally, out of that roach motel! And I feel good!

How did he survive in there? It must have been a thousand degrees inside that chest. And how long was he in there? This place isn't exactly a popular tourist destination.

Smoochy: Spreading love around the world! Oh, love! I hear the call of love! Must go now. Take it easy, bro.


Uh... sure? Maybe we'll drop by later and make sure he's not molesting children or something. But for now, we're back at the entrance and Meis got his 4th point of Charisma, and you know what that means!


Wyna can add Heal to her and Muza's weapons, since they weren't around when Sodina was at Intimacy level 1. She also adds Flame, our first area-of-effect spell! It's super expensive at 21 EP per shot (Sodina's Max EP is currently 61), but can stand in for a Special in a pinch.


Sodina, in an uncharacteristic display of oneupmanship, adds Heal+ at the same level that Wyna adds regular old Heal. Heal+ restores a lot more HP than Heal and costs a not-insignificant 11 EP. It'll be reserved for urgent in-battle healing, while we continue to use Heal to top off after battle. Light is the low-level single-target Light-elemental attack spell, and it sucks like the rest.


But what's this? With two girls times four weapons, we run out of MP before we can get all our forging done! This is something we'll have to get used to; as we get more characters and more datable girls, we'll have to spread out the forging over time because we won't have enough MP to do it all at once.


Also, Sodina's dagger turned pink/red earlier and I didn't have any way to work it in.
Arms Count: 47/1000
The most important consideration when choosing a weapon is to make sure it matches your enormous ribbons.


And of course we hit up the inn to rest and save before heading back out.

This is where the chapters start getting long, so look forward to the next episode of Dating 101: Let's Play Thousand Arms:
Episode 6: Doomed encounter! The disciple of the dark. (Part 2)

I'm really amazed at how every single piece of 2D art in this game except for extreme character close-ups looks like something someone hastily pasted a crude doodle onto a screenshot.