Come to know capriphobia as I have! Let's Play Desktop Dungeons!

We don't have to kill our way through ten ranks of bosses to win. Thank goodness.



Anyway, today we play the assassin! Totally not a ninja, guys. Also, I'm playing an orc assassin, because apparently that's one of the good classes for orcs and I haven't shown them off.

First things first: the APHEELSIK glyph. One of the most broken glyphs in the game! You all thought CYDSTEPP was awesome, and I bet some of you found BLUDTUPOWA to be a nifty powerup. Lemme put it this way: there are very few classes who cannot make use of APHEELSIK. I've already covered the poison mechanics from earlier, so you should all be familiar with them by now.



So let's cover the other details of our character. Orcs, as you know, convert glyphs into experience. This means that an orc character can usually reach level 9 or 10 pretty consistently, not to mention mid-fight levelups are a lot easier, but this comes at a cost of the usual stat bonuses you get from glyph-conversion. A level 10 orc, while more common, is a good deal weaker than a level 10 human or dwarf or elf.



Since it would take up a valuable inventory space, we leave WONAFYT on the floor. No sense wasting that experience bonus when we're not even close to a level, no?



Same with this one. We're keeping BURNDAYRAZ, because that glyph works so well with APHEELSIK it's not even funny.



Here's how it works: find a tough dude, beat the hell out of them as best as you are able (this might entail solely using BURNDAYRAZ), and then cast APHEELSIK.



Once that's done, go explore a bit. Be very careful not to attack anything!



This lets you come around for a second run with whatever you have at your disposal. Making ideal use of this tactic requires balancing your existing level against the exploration you'd use and the bonus experience you'd get on a win. Fortunately, you can usually use a guideline of enemies about two or so levels above you.



Against poison users, you'll be stuck to exclusive magic attacks, lest they turn the tactic around on you and cause you to waste exploration.



Another noteworthy tactic for assassins is that they can explore all the tiles around an enemy to gain first strike. It's ideal to use this in conjunction with APHEELSIK for best effect, but sometimes the enemy's blocking off a small corridor and can't be adequately flanked or whatever.



Hitting this level lets us demonstrate the last feature of the assassin: if an enemy is lower in level than you, no matter their traits, you can kill them in a single blow. First strike, death gaze, poison, mana burn, none of that matters to a high-level assassin. This makes them ideal for players who like mopping up low-level enemies for a quick experience booster. It's also because of this trait that orcs make good assassins, since for them, high level can mean a lot more than high stats.



Amusingly enough, Mystera Annur can be a good late-game god for assassins. Even a 1-damage poke is enough for an assassin to kill a low-level enemy, although Mystera deducts piety for killing enemies in this way.



Again, it's worth mentioning that poison doesn't work against undead. I only remembered this after using BURNDAYRAZ once. Whoops!



Similarly, magic-resistant enemies like goats and golems have a chance of flat-out ignoring APHEELSIK, which can be troublesome. Fortunately, goats are pushovers even without APHEELSIK, and golems aren't much tougher.



Course, when APHEELSIK does stick on them, it only makes things easier.

Golems are particularly annoying, since half the APHEELSIK attempts are doomed to failure and they take half damage from BURNDAYRAZ.



The Pactmaker would be a decent god this early, but for us and our fast-track XP gain, we don't really need it as much.



Haha, sucker, forgot I could get first strike, didn't you?



See that? Assassins don't fear death gaze the way other classes do.



Goo blobs have an annoying physical resistance to deal with, but any assassin worth their salt has BURNDAYRAZ to even out the damage they deal, making them less than a threat.



Man, go away. You're like Super Meat Man, only not as big a threat and therefore not as amusing to the audience.



Speaking of amusing to the audience, level 9 bandits. Aw yeah.



One more glyph we can turn into experience later.



Damn, can't explore behind this goat for the first strike we need to kill it.



So, we get creative, burning a glyph for a mid-fight level to take it down.



GETINDARE is only moderately useful for assassins. It's great early on, since you waste fewer tiles on exploration, but bad at this point, where we've already seen everything.



Okay, let's beat up J�rmungandr already.

Note: that line was left over from my previous text file for the update. I didn't change it at all. HINT, HINT, JORMY.



Converting a glyph midfight gives us a significant edge. We go snag GETINDARE to replace it because I feel like it.



Once he's down to half health or so, I poison him and finish up the exploration.



Tikki-Tooki is pretty good for assassins, since he allows for unconditional first strike and poison. It's also easy to earn piety for him using the APHEELSIK glyph and instant kills.

Also, apparently the worship cost is half your gold, not 10 gold. Annoying bug, or fitting trickery of a trickster god?



Yeah, you'll excuse me if I don't leap out of my seat for this once-in-a-lifetime bargain.



Right now, RAMPANT SLAUGHTER!



INSTAGIBBING HIGH LEVEL ZOMBIES!



MILD PIETY LOSS!



One more level to finish up...



And J�rmungandr is down for... what, the fourth time now? Go away, dude.



But hey, now every class has access to APHEELSIK. No complaints here!



Now that's what I'm talkin' about.



Anyway, I said I'd try to run the Crypt proper with the next class you voted for, so let's try that.

"But Kalir, doesn't a dungeon full of undead enemies that punish exploration work strongly against the assassin's advantages?"



Yes. Yes it does.

The third challenge is the Assassin in the Crypt. This one is actually reasonably difficult, and I still have trouble managing it.



For starters, the APHEELSIK glyph? Conversion fodder, right off the start. If you were so inclined, you could convert it from the word go for a level 2 character. I don't do that because I'm a moron.



Secondly, y'know how the assassin gets first strike if they explore all around an enemy? Yeah, you won't get a lot of use out of that, thanks to the chances of a vampire stealing your health and wrecking your exploration.



Our one big edge is that I finished the Tikki-Tooki run with a load of extra cash, so we could buy any particularly powerful items the game has to offer.

This is not one of those items.



Like with bloodmages, the success of an assassin has a lot to do with how quickly they find BURNDAYRAZ, especially in the Crypt.

See, that's just being a dick.



Somewhat more useful. Granted, the Glowing Guardian isn't a fan of poison, but we don't plan on using it here. Plus, endgame worship.



Since assassins don't need to worry about damage for low-level enemies, bloody sigils suit them well.



I hate you, go away.



See how much I explored before finally giving in and gaining a level? Orc assassins in the Crypt can get far by burning their initial glyph on a level, and that is a lesson I didn't learn during this run.



See, if I had glyphs worth a damn by now, this would be useful. I don't.



At least I can take my anger out on surrounded vampires.



And zombies.



And vampires.



Remember how bloodmages at least had an easy time with this guy? Assassins don't quite have that luxury.



Also I am wasting way too much exploration.



Freakin' finally.



You are jerks, vampires.



If it wasn't for the high cost, this glyph would actually be sort of useful. Still, it beats most of the things around here.



We're too high in level to get any real benefit from the Pactmaker. Dang.

Actually, once you handle the life drain, vampires are relatively tame. Zombies are tougher on average, but they don't take your health while exploring.



We're running out of room and have yet to kill either of the bosses.



I convert a few glyphs in preparation for fighting the easier of the two.



Granted, we don't do much damage, but we've got a level-up and all our potions waiting in the wings.



Excellent. We can probably take on Frank now.



First, another assault just before a level-up.



We empty the last of our magical reserves at him.



For our physical offense, we even make use of the bonebreaker.



It seems like we won't make it, but then I remember...



Can the Glowing Guardian save us?



Not enough! Maybe we can explore just a bit more?



So close!



Damn! One hit away from a win!



In retrospect, my mistake was evident. I should have converted APHEELSIK from the start to give me something of an edge.



Unfortunately, I didn't have that hindsight when playing these runs.

Second try. Can he do it, ladies and gentlemen?



Mystera altars are a possibility for an assassin... except in the Crypt, since APHEELSIK won't see any play.



This time, circumstances force me to convert APHEELSIK early.



Annoying, but that was the chief mistake I made last time, so hopefully things won't--



See, that's just uncalled for.



More conversion fodder.



See, this would be an interesting choice if I hadn't already ditched APHEELSIK just to get out of the starting room.



Even so, Frank alone is a deadly enemy, so maybe we can Polymorph him into something more reasonable after we take down the Tormented One.



I hope you like painfully mutating, you dick.



Also this guy.



I convert this and the WEYTWUT glyph for experience. In retrospect, telprots with Jehora's piety behind them would've been smarter, but oh well.



Y'know what would be great? Having BURNDAYRAZ so I could actually avoid mana burn once in a while.



A troll heart is okay too, I guess.



I don't know how effective Tikki-Tooki would be here, what with the lack of poison.

No, y'know who would be great here? Taurog. Where's the brute when you need him?



Whatever. We'll make do with our own wholesale slaughter. One nice thing about assassins following Jehora is that he doesn't remove your first strike for surrounding enemies.

Unfortunately, most of the boons here are only sort of useful to assassins. I didn't clue in to the potential of saving piety for the Chaos boon, though.



Get out of the way, you jerk.



Oh hey, looks like we get piety after all. WEYTWUT tends to afford more piety, though, since the result is less predictable.



Man, that sure would be useful if ENDISWAL was generated. Except it wasn't.

Honestly, a lot of items the shops sell are either situational or totally worthless. But hey, I already complained about the gold system. On another note, more BURNDAYRAZ! I bet I could actually win this if the game didn't keep hiding it out in the middle of nowhere.



By all means, mana burn me. Not like I've needed my mana at all the whole dungeon anyway.



No, your eyes aren't deceiving you. The bottom three rows of the dungeon literally did not generate at all. So what do you do in that situation?



Abuse LEMMISI to regenerate health.



As mentioned earlier, LEMMISI costs 3 mana, but it explores 3 random tiles, complete with the associated regeneration. This means you can explore tiles not normally reachable, sacrificing the mana gained as a result. The fun part is that as long as you have 3 mana, you can do this until you run out of tiles.



Remember back when I had a bunch of gold? That was great.



Retaliation seems a better choice than Bolstering. That health potion seems a bit more important than max health, right now.



We're running out of enemies to kill, so I have no choice but to take on the bosses.



Since I have few glyphs to convert as well, we don't get mid-fight levelups for the Tormented One.



His fight was tough, and we lost a lot of potions, but we did win eventually. Thing is, if it took us that much to take down the Tormented One, we don't stand a chance against Frank.



Come on, Jehora, pull through for me...



OH YOU DICK.

I didn't even want to bother trying to fight that again.



That last run was still just really unlucky, though. The first run came close to a win. So once we clear the Crypt with something else (like the half-dragon) I'll give it a try with the assassin again.

Next time: Trogdor jokes. Afterwards, paladin or gorgon?

You've made me remember why I hate running the Crypt. Goddamn vampires.

Gorgon in the snake pit with the wrench.

Gorgon, since extra races can and will screw you over, and that I wanna see
(That and Gorgon runs keep getting me killed >_>)

Gorgon it up! And it's sad to see that you were so close to winning twice, yet you've not been able to pull out a win. Maybe next time.

Assassin in the Crypt is possibly the hardest challenge dungeon, because Wizards in the Factory can at least snipe level 9 Animated Armors with Burndayraz to speed-level, then polymorph the bosses into something reasonable. Assassins can't use their poison, vampires nerf their first strike exploration, and the auto-kill is only really useful on the rare occasion where you wouldn't one-shot a low level wraith.

Heh. Snake tits.

She knows how to get a guy hard all r-*BLAM*

For that update, I should just upload the screenshots and have you make terrible jokes on your own.

Pretend I raided nunix's Legend of Mana LP for a screen cap of Gilbert saying "Yeah, baby! I'm gettin' hard! So hard for you baby!"

Countrysides, peasants, thatched roof cottages? All toast.



The half-dragon has a number of interesting features, particularly their massive eyebrows. Even so, they're among the simplest of the three special races. You can see that they have the same effect as a scouting orb right off the bat.



The first of their interesting traits is their high health. It gives them enhanced vitality, sure, but you have to remember that the rate of exploration heals them at half the rate of a character at their level, so you need to be careful.



Here's the GETINDARE glyph, and a great chance to show off their key feature:



Knockback! Any hit the half-dragon does will send the victim flying back one tile. Should they collide with a wall, like this dragonspawn here, they take additional knockback damage. This damage is based off our existing attack power, and can be improved by converting glyphs. You can also ram enemies into each other, which splits the knockback damage between them evenly.



Dracul, huh? Pretty good fit for us, since we've got max health to spare.



Course, we'll want to take out as many undead as we can first. Mind the mana burn, not that half-dragons have as much use for mana as some classes.



CYDSTEPP is one such use. They don't need it quite as badly as some classes, but since they can't use BURNDAYRAZ, it'll work for now.



If you can kill an enemy without destroying a wall, by all means do so. If that same enemy can be smacked into another enemy, on the other hand, go for it.



I punched this guy through a few walls, and now he's at the edge of the level. Enemies don't suffer knockback damage or move at all if they hit the level boundary, near as I can tell.



The extra damage from knockback, combined with your high health, means that a half-dragon who uses walls smartly can get a good amount of bonus experience on high-level kills.



Let's go sign on with Dracul, then.



You can see why half-dragons start with increased visual range. You want to know just what happens if you boot an enemy outside of your exploration.



Half-dragons also have an innately magical attack, on account of fire breath and all. This lets them take on otherwise-troublesome goo blobs. As an added bonus, knockback damage can't be resisted at all, although if you hit one enemy into another, the enemy you didn't attack can't die from knockback.



As such, high level goo blobs aren't too tough for a clever half-dragon to kill.

Here's an excellent chance to show off how knockback works with two enemies.



Downside is, the other enemy isn't too wounded, so we'd probably heal them up just by going over to them. Oh well.



I AM GOING TO KILL YOU AND KILL YOU AND KILL YOU



Conversely, golems prove to be rather difficult for us, even without relying on BURNDAYRAZ, but no more so than goo blobs were originally.



Amusingly, this actually makes goats a bit harder than usual.



Oh well. Attack++!



As mentioned earlier, converting glyphs increases knockback damage. Each one is good for an additional 20%.



And since we can't use BURNDAYRAZ at all thanks to our natively magical attack, it gets converted too.



Y'know, maybe CYDSTEPP is useful for us after all.



Course, not if we can't actually cast it.



But hey, that's what GETINDARE is for.



I think we'll be skipping this one today.



More roughhousing, with Dracul's approval. He don't cotton to none of this "fake wrestling" nonsense, no SIR.



Binlor's actually a pretty solid god for dragonspawn. The relentless smashing of walls is close enough to mining that he gives his approval for it.



Meh, it's cheap, why not.

May as well put what's remaining of our massive max health to better use.



CYDSTEPP saves the day again, regardless!



Multiple times, in fact!



Deal with it, Dracul. Sometimes your star wrestler takes one too many chairs upside the head.



hahahahahahaha



It's about time to start the match against Frank. We open up in as courteous a way as we can.



Also, life drain. Don't ask why that works on zombies, because I don't know.



OH NO, HAVE WE LOST AGAIN?



Pfff, no. We'll just take some potions and smash him through ALL THE WALLS IN THE DUNGEON!



�VIVA EL DRACO!

So, um... we didn't unlock anything by winning with the half-dragon. But we killed Frank the zombie!



But EL DRACO is not satisfied. He's got a vendetta against DIOS DEL MUERTE!



Let's take on the Crypt.



Half-dragons aren't too bad for the Crypt, actually. They can see enemies from a distance, and thus avoid losing too much health. Wraiths don't scare them at all, either.



Their biggest problem is that more max health means more life for vampires to take.



I'd prefer to hold off on worshipping the Glowing Guardian until we reach the title bout, if possible.

LEMMISI is a decent glyph for us, since we just explore for health most of the time.



Not that that matters to a mana burnt character. Also, pendant of health for cheap.



This would be useful if we had the mana to cast it. We don't.



It's DIOS DEL MUERTE's tag team companion, LA FANTOMA! You may have heard of her.



Hands up, all of you who know what to do here.



If you guessed "drink a mana potion and cast PISORF on the guy", you were right. I didn't.



In fact, I didn't guess it twice in a row.



I R A STOOPOD



Well, at least Frank didn't kill us that time.



Even level 1 vampires are annoying to a half-dragon. Fortunately, a well-earned beating puts them in their place.



Binlor, huh? Well, I did say they worked well with half-dragons.



Let's test the accuracy of that claim, eh?



Looks like it! Also, we actually get 2 piety per wall smashed, not 1.



Initially, I was pretty upset about skipping out on Taurog here, but y'know what? Screw that guy, what's he ever done for us lately?



And this guy! Who does he think he is, anyway?

Actually, the Tormented One is one of the least threatening bosses to a half-dragon. You don't care about mana burn or physical resistance at all, usually.



Oh hush, I'll break something in a minute to amuse you.



Unfortunately, we don't have the death protection needed to beat this guy.



We can take this guy, though.



Level 2 and we've already got the piety for Hardiness.



Trust me to ignore it in favor of converting deadweight glyphs, though.



Wraiths are easy pickings for half-dragons. I may have already mentioned it once or twice, but it bears repeating.



Here we go. At the rate we're going, we should be able to pick up Heroics without a problem.



Again, troll hearts are cheap and deaths are expensive.



These wraiths are chumps, man.



I don't remember what I killed here. I broke a wall with it, apparently.



A lot of the fun/strategery in a half-dragon run involves lining up hits just right so you can smash tough targets through as many walls as possible. In this wraith's case, we could angle around after hitting them from here once to push them into the diagonal blocks, but those are close to the boss and I'd prefer to keep those intact, just in case.



Fortunately, an even simpler and more elegant solution is readily available.



Another fun part is the pleasant surprises, when the prediction is totally inaccurate and you're gonna flatten the guy against the wall.



The only really annoying part is when you have to hit enemies into vacant, unexplored territory, because then you have to chase them down to finish them off, and they get a bit of healing each time.

TITLE BOUT:

DIOS DEL MUERTE

VS

EL DRACO



We don't actually need ENDISWAL to appease Binlor, but hey.



We beat up LA FANTOMA first for a bit, stopping midway to throw her agent through a table.



Afterwards, we corner her against an ornery beer-bellied fan and let the beating commence proper.



�VIVA EL DRACO!



I keep forgetting that Heroics costs only 80 piety and not 100.



More fun with false predictions.



Once the fight with DIOS DEL MUERTE begins, I mostly just ram him into some chump standing behind him. No clue what it is.



We pause midway through to get the Heroics for our finisher!



FUEGO BODY SLAM!



�VIVA EL DRACO!



I wonder if I'd have more points for skipping the no-potion bonuses in favor of the one for ending the game with 100 piety.



Anyway, here's the goblin race. Each converted glyph is good for 10 gold, making them ideal for people who hate being unable to afford cool items. I don't plan on running one, though.

Next time: Snake tits.

Actually, better idea. Since running with a gorgon in any dungeon won't unlock anything, but a paladin will unlock the last of the bonus dungeons, anyone opposed to me doing a paladin run followed by a gorgon run of said bonus dungeon?

That revised idea sounds like fun, actually.

Works fer me. Maybe you'll get Frank for the third time and even the score.

Doo eeeeeeeeeeet.

And thanks for the amazing LP. It looks like we're near the end, fellas. I just hope there's another roguelike coming up soon so I can laugh more at crazy deaths.

Paladin sounds like a good run, looking forward to it.

Last of the basic classes, guys! Are you excited? I sure am.



Wow, don't be stingy with starting glyphs or anything here.

So, paladins. Like I mentioned, they start with the HALPMEH glyph, which functions roughly like a weaker health potion. Honestly, this right here is a powerful enough ability. You can trade 3 mana for 3 times your level's worth in health. All in all, not too bad. Because of this and their physical resistance, paladins are slightly inclined to be melee characters. Like I said, though, their traits are quite versatile, and you can play them however. We're running a dwarf paladin.



Mystera isn't really a good choice for paladins, honestly. Your initial glyph goes to waste pretty quickly with that low attack.



Apparently, damage you take can be reduced to 0 by resistances. What do you know?



So yeah, y'know how finding BURNDAYRAZ is usually the sign for a low-level character to take on tougher foes?



Yeah paladins can skip that step.



It's like playing a bloodmage, except the blue bar goes directly to the red one rather than the other way around.



If your health is low before exploring, use HALPMEH a bit until your mana and health are roughly even. That will help to limit the amount of exploration necessary. Combine that with BLUDTUPOWA for total control over both bars!



Paladins don't have to worry about serpents at all, since HALPMEH also cures poison. Watch out for bandits, though.



Also, magic-using enemies. They'll pass by your resistance, although that's not really the key trait you're banking on.



Huh... well, we do have CYDSTEPP and HALPMEH, both of which are approved of by the Glowing Guardian. Maybe we can try for Absolution.



Let's not waste that heal for worshipping him though.



So, you see our starting piety, right?



The Glowing Guardian doesn't output a message on casting, but you do get piety for casting either of the mentioned glyphs. One point per casting of HALPMEH...



Two per casting of CYDSTEPP.

I'm going to leave this guy alive. Any low-level undead you find as a paladin are very important for the boss battle, since you heal by killing them.



As with Binlor and the Pactmaker, the Glowing Guardian awards piety on a level-up, although not nearly as much as the other two. I think the Glowing Guardian has the most ways to gain/lose piety in the game, actually, so it only makes sense that most of the changes are minute ones. Unless you're trying for Absolution, though, you should just save him for the end boss, for two full heals (or one full heal and some death protection).



Hey, remember this guy? Cuz I sure do.

Actually, unless the last few secret classes encounter the last few bosses in their run (goo blob and bandit, if I recall right), you're gonna miss them entirely. Ah well.



You already know by now that the Glowing Guardian doesn't like potion use. Turns out he also dislikes killing low-level enemies.



Conversely, killing high-level enemies grants you piety. The higher the level, the more piety you get.



Mmmm... nah.



Any time your life is saved by death protection, he also awards some slight piety.



Pop quiz: how much piety will this kill grant?



3 for a level, 1 for a high-level kill, 1 for using death protection... five piety, all right.



Now, I was going to use this opportunity to show that killing an undead enemy heals you.



Apparently, though, that doesn't work if you use death protection to survive the fight. Lazy paladins.



Now, unlike the boons of Taurog and Binlor, items bought in shops (and Dracul's Bloodshield boon) will increase, rather than replace, your existing resistance. So hey, we'll take it.



Okay, NOW I'll show off the healing from killing undead.



Whoosh! Half your health per kill of undead. This, unlike HALPMEH, is affected by your current max health, which is why I like playing dwarf paladins.



That healing (and some death protection) is all the edge we needed to win.