Come to know capriphobia as I have! Let's Play Desktop Dungeons!

Of course, the one time we really NEED to find IMAWAL, and it's nowhere to be found.



Freakin' finally. Now we can start doing stuff.



First step: petrify two enemies. Ideally, you want to pick targets that won't obstruct movement, are low level, and are either serpents or goats, to minimize the loss of experience/piety/the game.



After petrifying two enemies, we have enough to afford Plantation, which kicks our piety all the way up to 100 in exchange for making a few level 1 physically-immune plants.



Using this, we can now afford the Stoneform boon, and therefore don't have to worry about keeping the Earthmother super-happy anymore.



Here's the problem with that. As you can see, now there are plants everywhere. We could kill them, but that would anger the Earthmother and cost us 6 mana anyway. The more ideal path is to kill enemies in such a way that Plantation doesn't lock off any routes. This, of course, requires a stupid amount of foresight and is boring.



Instead, we just kill the enemies that are in the way of the rest of the dungeon. Thanks to Stoneform, we'll be getting loads of stat boosts in no time.



We killed a goat at 0 piety for a level, and the Earthmother gets annoyed and halts our natural regeneration. I have no idea if this is like poison, if it actually is poison and is just cured on level up, or what.



All I know is I can kill stuff without it ever touching me, and therefore I don't care. I have your boon, and now you're powerless to stop me, Earthmother! I halfway feel like imitating a Seabert villain just to rub salt in the wound.



Whatever she did, it doesn't affect our mana regeneration at all. Anyway, she mentioned repentance. This gives me an idea.



Apparently, she considers petrifying plants funny enough to award a bit of piety. Now we can easily disable her punishment for the cost of one IMAWAL.

Maybe I was too hard on the Earthmother earlier, because it's way too easy to take advantage of her.



Before long, we hit level 6. Two more levels, and the benefits of being a jackass golem will let us use three BURNDAYRAZ at once.



Additionally, we can beat up other golems with supreme ease.



Oh, what, you gonna cry? You gonna cry now?



I need to do this more often.

Welp, we're high enough in level to fight J�rmungandr. Since we've explored everywhere, the poison of his and the other serpents' attacks is meaningless.



Especially because I'm gonna go get a midfight level up.



If it makes you so mad, why not take back the Stoneform boon?



I kill him uneventfully afterwards, and go into negative piety with the Earthmother. Also, we unlock stuff.



And now I never have to follow the Earthmother again. HOORAY!



Being a merciless dick to the nature goddess for our benefit earned us the assassin class! Assassins get the APHEELSIK glyph for on-demand poison, and they can duplicate the rogue's first strike through exploration. Combine that with instakills on low-level enemies, and you have a pretty neat class for people who love fighting dirty!



Okay, that's enough of the rogue. On to the monk!



Right off the bat, the new bandit enemy turns up to help us explain both his and the monk's features! As you can see, despite the bandit's abysmal defenses, he can still survive one of our hits. When he retaliates, he'll only do 1 damage thanks to our ridiculous resistances, but he'll also inflict both poison and mana burn. This puts bandits in the same class of enemies as gorgons and serpents, as ideal fodder for attacking early to level up, and poor choices to fight on even terms. Likewise, it means that the monk is poorly-suited to fighting enemies that use ailments.



Enemies that take lots of hits, like zombies, would also be a problem for the monk, were it not for their remaining trait.



Pay close attention to his health, kids. As Alpha Werewolf explained earlier, a normal character would recover 3 health points through the move I'm indicating here.



Monks recover extra-fast, though, so we're already up to full health. Because of that, they can usually run off to explore during a fight, where they'll heal up much faster than their foe, and come back around for a second round before they're prepared.



Course, that doesn't help us against enemies that recover at the same rate as we do.



Binlor is kind of a bad choice for monks. Boons like Hardiness and Mageshield actually overwrite your existing resistance, rather than improve it. So players who think they'll be getting boss-level physical resistance by signing on with him get screwed out of both piety AND their existing resistance!



The warlord's CYDSTEPP glyph is kind of a bad choice for low-offense characters like monks, especially since we already can take twice as many hits as others, and two more hits won't mean a lot coming from us.



Not happening, lady.

Actually, the bloody sigil plays to the monk's strengths pretty nicely, so we pick this one up, why not.



Oh hey, we managed to get some use out of CYDSTEPP anyway. I convert it all the same afterwards. I forgot to get one last layer of death protection from it before I do, though, because I'm smart like that.



Gorgons deserve special mention against monks, since their death gaze cuts past their resistances.



Then again, a bit of careful exploration lets us stay just healthy enough to avoid the gaze and take them down.



BURNDAYRAZ isn't lowered in damage by monks, so it's a nice find for them.



I think I explored a bit more than I needed to in order to beat this guy. I'm not much good at managing exploration midfight (or at all), so monks aren't quite my style.



Unfortunately, enemies with low health and high damage can be tricky for monks, since they tend to get a lot more benefit out of exploration-based healing than monks do.



Funnily enough, goo blobs do damage to us at the same rate that we do damage to them. Except we have BURNDAYRAZ to even the odds.



Meh, bit late, but why not.



I'll probably have to skip Learning, but hey, gotta break some omelettes to make some eggs.



MYSTIC HUNDRED-HAND TURDUCKEN SMACKDOWN! (it's not a monk playthrough if you don't make up silly special attack names)



Remember, every glyph you're not gonna use goes towards negating your piss-poor attack power (or improving your resistance-backed health if you're a dwarf monk).



OMNISCIENT BARNYARD SKULL CRUSHER!



The best thing about doing the exploration dance with enemies like this?



You get more magic out of it, too!

QUERENT SPECTRAL RAINY HEADSPIN!



Not again. I get the feeling enemy generation in dungeons is weighted towards the boss' type.



So, while I kill this bandit for a level up, let's discuss our anti-Gharbad strategy. Monks are perhaps one of the better classes suited to fighting him, since if their health is over 113, they can actually take a direct hit from Gharbad. Most characters just have to make do with their health potions being useless in the fight and going magic-only against him. We're not most characters, though!



New item, which is totally useless to us.

Incidentally, remember the bloody sigil we got earlier? And how we skipped the Learning boon in favor of the Health one? If we'd made different choices there, we might not be able to do the strategy we're trying for.



We take down one of the eleventy-billion goo blobs here for level 8.



Doing so lets us buy the Health boon.



And now we can survive a direct hit from Gharbad. No other class gonna do that!



Funny thing is, if we hadn't converted the CYDSTEPP glyph earlier, we wouldn't have to go to such crazy extents. But we do have the GETINDARE glyph if we need it. The plan here is to unload a bunch of BURNDAYRAZ at him, using all our mana potions, and then to convert it and GETINDARE for the physical attack part of the fight for an offensive boost.



LEMMISI is actually much more useful to monks, due to their increased regeneration, but we probably need the attack boost more.



Okay, level 9. Let's finish our exploring and go fight Gharbad.



First, our magical assault.



Gharbad's magic resistance takes the worst of it, leaving us with only 3 mana. Just enough to cast GETINDARE once...



And once is all we need.



Pants 2, Gharbad 0!



Monks might not be my preferred playstyle, but man do they have my respect.

Winning as a monk unlocked the paladin class. Paladins are a lot like priests, actually. Instead of bonus damage on undead, they heal slightly after killing an undead enemy. Rather than increased health, they get a bit of physical resistance. And unlike the priest's full-power health potions, they get the healing glyph HALPMEH, which works like a weaker health potion. It still cures poison, even! Paladins are interesting because they're one of the more versatile classes, and almost any race can play a paladin well. I prefer dwarves, to get more mileage out of Holy Work, though.



Also, winning with all the tier 2 classes unlocked the Crypt, our third side dungeon! I'll show that off next update, except with a class of my choosing because I said so and you can't stop me.

Next time: The next update is set in stone with two side dungeon runs with classes of my choice. For the time after that, though, keep voting: Assassin, paladin, or half-dragon?

Assassassassassassassassin!

dat assassin

Might as well do Assassin so you can abuse APHEELSIK with the other characters.

Sassassin!

Assassin, because we are already killing people in their sleep (are you really going to tell me the reason they don't move is because they are being polite?!?), so we might as well make a career out of it.

: I have the best Scrambler quotes. I win.

Asssassassassassin

Half dragon has slight seniority, therefore I'll vote for that

Assassin, because APHEELSIK.

A Paladin is your Pal.

Half man
Half dragon
ALL MAN

Assassin!

So yeah, I said this next update was predetermined. Consider it a bonus update or something dumb like that.

Remember back when I ran the Library with a warlord? Said it was one of the four challenges? Welp, the next one is for monks who try to clear the Snake Pit. So we're going back there!



Unlike the warlord challenge, this one is actually kind of a big deal. Monks rely on taking down their opponents slowly, exploring midfight and exploiting their massive resistances. Problem is, the enemies in the Snake Pit are well suited to bringing that tactic down. Nagas lower your attack power even more than normal, serpents poison you and prevent your excellent regeneration, and gorgons can cut through your resistances entirely with their death gaze. Granted, the Snake Pit is still the easiest of the four side dungeons, so this is probably the third-hardest of the four challenges.



When doing challenge runs like this, most of the difficulty comes from the monster type. Therefore, one of the best ways to negate these challenges is to find an early Jehora altar and polymorph the enemies into something, while less predictable, generally better suited to your class.



Monks don't lose their resistances upon joining Jehora, but they have a hell of a time getting piety since they fight with such low damage on both sides, so don't expect any Polymorph shenanigans in this challenge run.



Funny story? In the old days, back before the implementation of the piety system, Binlor used to grant death gaze protection when you worshipped him. He also didn't hate magic usage, so he was an ideal newbie god as well as a choice for the Snake Pit.



In the old days, IMAWAL could petrify the boss. This isn't a funny story, it just indicates why it sucks now.



Oh hell yes, this is a great find for this run. Once we take this, all the gorgons here effectively become anemic goblins. Just need a bit more cash.

Offhand, running the challenge dungeons gives better rewards related to gold. Every two classes that clear the Snake Pit cause future dungeons to spawn one extra gold pile, every class that clears the Library will open up new items for shops to stock (just like clearing the normal game), every class that clears the new Crypt increases our max wallet by 5 gold, and the fourth bonus dungeon which is as of yet locked will spawn an additional shop in every dungeon for all three characters that clear it. Thus, if you're the sort to do gold-farming runs, the side dungeons are way more profitable than the main one.



Before too long, we find the big serpent dude.



And the big gorgon chick just afterwards.



CYDSTEPP isn't really that useful for monks unless dealing with Gharbad. Since he's not guaranteed to show and we're already following Jehora, it gets converted on sight. We keep the other glyph though.



And then put it to use to let us explore more of the dungeon. Jehora approves of our taste.



Remember, as long as you can stay above half-health, you can safely fight gorgons. Still, if we get the stone sigil, that means a lot fewer wasted tiles of exploration.



BURNDAYRAZ is found pretty quickly, and we've got just about enough gold to buy the stone sigil.



Got it. Gorgons, consider your number up.



STONY STAREDOWN CYCLONE CROISSANT!

Since the attack power of a monk is ranked about as highly as that of a meat man, I go for Jehora's defensive buffs first. Since we get so many hits, the Retaliation boon, once we get it, will let us do a lot more damage.



With our newly Bolstered health and the stone sigil, we can tackle even high-level gorgons without fear.



We can't quite kill Medusa yet, though. Oh well, can't blame a guy for trying.



During our exploration, we find the GETINDARE glyph. Jehora doesn't like this one either, so in the bin it goes.



It might seem like this is an exercise in futility, right? Check our piety, though.



Our prolonged tussle grants us enough approval with Jehora to get the Retaliation boon.



With that edge, we can bring down Medusa for good!



Also, now we're high enough in level to fight some of the weaker nagas.



And since we're close to another level, serpents are also fair game. Really, winning with a monk in the Snake Pit is just an issue of surviving the first few levels without exploring everywhere.



We pick up the Madness boon to finish off the set. Since J�rmungandr is the only boss left alive, I don't think we'll be needing a Polymorph.



Here's the last altar, way out in the middle of snake country. Tikki-Tooki is a terrible choice for monks.



Okay, let's beat up J�rmungandr already.



Our magic alone does a considerable amount of damage to him.



We can finish him off easily enough with our unarmed attacks.



We have attained enlightenment. It involved a lot of punching snakes. Maybe this time, Jehora won't kill us with the Chaos boon?

Haha, no.



That's two challenge runs down. Surely, the next two will go by just as smoothly!



Anyway yeah, now we can play as a gorgon! They're considerably different from their enemy counterparts, though. They have poisonous attacks, physical resistance, and come packing the ENDISWAL glyph to remedy all the petrifications they'll invariably perform. Also, bonus mana on each kill.

Wait, why is bloodmage the selected class?



Hey, I only just entered the dungeon, stop attacking me!



Vampires, huh?

Leggies and grunts, welcome to the Crypt. The third side dungeon, packed full of undead like wraiths, zombies, and this smug glittery asshat right here. When your exploration uncovers a vampire, right off the bat, they steal the top 40% of your health and add it to their own. This can range from a minor annoyance, when a level 9 vampire steals your 4 health at level 1, to a major hassle, when that same vampire steals a much larger amount from your level 9 dwarf berserker. Fortunately, they don't heal that extra amount if you hit them and then go explore, but you can probably guess why that might be a bad idea if vampires are involved.



Like so. See this guy? Our meager life force isn't enough to make him much more of a threat.



Remember this guy? Cuz he's back. Fortunately, bloodmages have a relatively easy time with the Tormented One.



Assuming you can make it out of the initial clearing. Bah.

Sometimes, your game just gets generated in such a way that it's unwinnable. Nothing to do in these cases but suck it up and try again.



Like so!



Okay, this seems like a better start. Early altars are always good.



Tikki-Tooki isn't the first choice I'd take for the Crypt, since Poison is pretty much useless, but the first strike could be helpful. I really want to find a Mystera Annur altar, though, so I can at least show her off once. That GETINDARE glyph just next to his altar isn't improving his case any.



Granted, if we do find that altar, the BYSSEPS glyph will be comparatively useless. Until then, though, BYSSEPS it up, bloodmage.



Seriously? Another unwinnable game?



Oh, no, wait, I forgot about this joker.

This is actually my third run of a bloodmage in the Crypt, mind you. The first one was riddled with horrible luck, involving a shop selling a venom blade and the best possible altar being the Glowing Guardian, who hates the usage of blood pools. Turns out he doesn't give a message for absorbing blood pools like that either, it's just an outright unlabeled deduction.



Anyway, we can kill this wraith. It just costs us all of our health potions is all.

And now we're adventuring around in the Crypt with mana burn. Lovely.



THAT SURE IS USEFUL TO ME.



If I had enough to buy this, it would actually be kind of useful. But I don't, cuz I felt like using my money to trivialize the Snake Pit run.



Hi again.



Finally, we get far enough that we can gain a level, ridding us of this annoying mana burn.



And just in time for BURNDAYRAZ, too!



Call me crazy, but I don't think we'll be beating this guy this time.

How is it I've killed Gharbad twice, but Frank the zombie still stops me in my tracks almost every time he turns up?



We sign on with Tikki-Tooki at this point, partly for the first strike, and partly because we might be able to convert to Mystera if her altar is generated.



Not too confident on that point, though.



Take that, wraiths! You guys are jerks.



ALL HAIL LORD EMPEROR SPOON.

Seriously though. It's a relatively minor boost, but it's only 1 gold. Always buy spoons.



I was gonna say that IMAWAL could work well if you used ENDISWAL after it to explore past tough enemies, but then I remembered that you can just use ENDISWAL on the wall just next to them. Screw you, IMAWAL.



Sometimes, Tikki-Tooki is a good choice. This time, I don't think he was.



We've made our bed, now we have to burn it.



The difference between these two screenshots: I learned how first strike works in the second one.

That would have been useful back at the start of this level when I wasn't cornered and using up all my potions. Screw it, though, let's save my gold.



Welp, no Mystera for us.



But we do have first strike now, so that's something.



This takes our piety dangerously low, but meh, we can probably end this before that becomes a big issue.



The results of one mana bar's worth of BURNDAYRAZ.



Followed immediately afterwards by another mana bar's worth and some mundane stabbing in the face.



Unfortunately, I don't think we have nearly enough resources to beat Frank.



Yeah, this is not a happy bloodmage here.



At least the burial will be speedy!



Also, Tikki-Tooki punishes us for hitting 0 piety by giving everyone first strike and removing our dodge chances. Like we care.



Uh... third time's the charm?



If I don't win this time, screw it. You guys don't need another update full of bloodmage deaths, and the Crypt is genuinely hard even without me using classes I suck with.



Bloody sigils are pretty useful for bloodmages. Cheap, too.



And now we have BYSSEPS to balance it out.



Early BURNDAYRAZ to boot, eh? This could actually be a winning run!

We'll be ready to challenge the bosses before you know it!



Don't tell them, though!



The combo of BLUDTUPOWA and BURNDAYRAZ is exceptionally powerful here, since there's a bunch of wraiths who don't have a good way to deal with majjyyyk users.



The vampires aren't too bad either, since we don't really need our health bar right now anyway.



Even the zombies can be handled if you're careful.



Except this jerk.



Our good luck continues when we find the fire heart item! Now we're practically swimming in health bonuses.



We have very few low-level enemies we can kill midfight to take advantage of this, but hey.



The enemies remaining are kind of tough, but we can probably win this now.



But, this being an LP, I will gladly throw away victory for the opportunity to explain how something new works. Hey, it paid off on the Earthmother, right?



Before I worship Mystera, I want to make sure I've converted every glyph I don't need. Mystera gets SUPR AGNRY if you convert glyphs, and getting piety with her is a slow process.



Now, if I was going to play this hell-bent on winning, this right here would be the optimal god choice, even this late. I could, at the very least, use the Experience boon mid-fight for a level.



Oh well. Mystera awards us some piety for our former glyph usage and nerfs our attack power straight down to one.



On the upside, her starting piety is enough to pick up the Magic boon. I considered the Piety boon, but I didn't know if I'd have enough afterwards for both Magic and Flames (we wouldn't need Weakening here).

Any glyph at all, used under Mystera, grants 1 piety. If you have the Faith boon, this goes up to 2.



And thanks to our newly embiggened mana bar, we've got enough to use five (!) BURNDAYRAZ in a row without fear. Combine that with our industrial strength mana potions and the BLUDTUPOWA glyph, and it's not hard to see why bloodmages are ideal Mystera followers. Wizards also work, since their attack penalty doesn't matter as much, and their enhanced glyph capacity and decreased cost both help greatly. They can actually use BYSSEPS to trade mana for piety on a 1:1 (1:2 after Faith) ratio, even if the glyph itself is useless.



I think the Earthmother also dislikes the usage of blood pools. Her loss.



We go to fighting the Tormented One next. You might wonder, why am I casting GETINDARE if we only do 1 damage and he'd mana burn us? Simple: to get the most piety we can out of our mana bar before using a potion to take us back up to full.



It only takes one such potion to bring down the Tormented One. Downside is, now we have to deal with Frank. He'll take about 20 of our current BURNDAYRAZ to bring down. We only have 15.



I pick up the Flames boon midfight in the hopes of eking out a last-minute edge against him.



No such luck, though.



No, I didn't try poking him to death for 1 damage, why do you ask?

Yeah, the ideal choice here would've been to follow the Pactmaker. Worshipping Mystera gave us more magic, sure, but that came at a cost of all our physical attacks, health potions, and the fire heart.



So yeah, now you've seen me fail the Crypt a whole lot! It's a pretty tough place.

Next time: Looks like assassin is coming up next. So who's after that, then? Paladin, gorgon, or half-dragon?

Arf-Dragon

Half dragon

I haven't actually unlocked DRAGON-MAN, so that.

Well, just downloaded it and started playing an hour ago... already done with all tier 1 classes in the main dungeon :P
Also I got revenge on Frank for ya XD

Half-dragon was a man
I mean, he was a dragon man
Or maybe he was just a dragon