Come to know capriphobia as I have! Let's Play Desktop Dungeons!

This is farther than I've ever been able to get. Go Kalir Go Go Go Gooooooo!



Now, this update might start with a human crusader run. I must warn you, though: this is a four-part update. Which means it's gonna be HUEG. Just a friendly heads-up.



Anyway, crusaders. Check out that guy with the funky helmet. And by "funky" I mean "quite functional, if perhaps uncomfortable". Seriously, nobody wears helmets like that in games anymore. Cept for evil warlords. But I'm getting sidetracked.



As you might recall, the central mechanic of the crusader is that they get attack bonuses for every chained kill they perform. If they don't kill a guy on a given hit, they lose the bonus. You can chain this bonus all the way up to a 100% boost! Naturally, this means we're never going to play a crusader of Mystera.



It also means bandits are as unthreatening as ever.



See how our attack value's gone all purple, like when we played a warlord? Yeah that's how you know you have some chained kills! Unfortunately, there's no good way to tell how many kills you've chained, save for learning your attack bonus at 0 kills and subtracting it.



No, it's okay, I wouldn't prefer to see the bandit boss or anything.



Meh, not like the bandit boss would actually pose a threat. Anyway, Pactmaker altar. It occurs to me that a mage uninterested in most of Mystera's boons could convert to the Pactmaker early to stack the Magic boon from Mystera with the Mana boon of the Pactmaker for an absolutely insane amount of BURNDAYRAZ. But we're not playing a magic-user. So bluh.



Since low-level enemies can be used for high attack bonuses against the boss, you want to go for as many high level kills as you can swing when playing a crusader. If that means losing an earlier kill bonus by using BURNDAYRAZ, and said kill bonus isn't too high, do it. Our bonus isn't high enough to kill this gorgon, though.



We already have an awesome helm, dude.



But we appear to have lodged our sword into it, so a worthy replacement would be nice.



Here's the venom blade I hinted at. You can see why this generating in the Crypt is phenomenally unlucky. If we could afford it here, it would actually make for an ideal weapon against Super Meat Man, but we can make do without.



Using BURNDAYRAZ resets our kill bonus, but hey, if a berserker can make use of it, so can a crusader.



See? Let's get some levels.



Several levels, at that.



Using the chained kill bonuses of a crusader is sort of tricky at first, but easy enough to learn after a while.

Speaking of learning, yes please.



We can do some good damage with our attack bonus, but not enough to kill.



That's why we have backup tactics!



This could be quite useful for us, I think. Yoink!



Working our way up the monster hierarchy...



Using CYDSTEPP and BURNDAYRAZ to supplement our sizable melee attack...



And our Fearless nature lets us take on wraiths without any risk to ourselves!



Not to mention... okay, scratch that, gorgons are just plain gimmies.



Bandits are also gimmies, but even more so for crusaders.



I don't want to kill this meat man just yet, so I have him PISORF. And with our luck, he blocks off a narrow corridor. YAY



On the other hand, we're still killing level 8 wraiths at level 6.

Man, what's up with the monster generation here? Wraiths and bandits practically everywhere.



When I go back to that area, I elect to kill the meat man, rather than the higher-leveled golem. Anything a crusader has to kill early should be whatever has the most physical defense, to prevent yourself from wasting fodder for fighting the boss.



Remembering our warlord playthrough, I go for Mana here rather than Health.



Let's just take out a few more enemies to hit level 8 and build up a good chain bonus...



Keep it coming...

Excellent. Let's go let loose on the Super Meat Man!



This might seem unimpressive, but remember, that was just a warm-up.



Hm... not that impressive of a second blow.



Let's go kill a few more guys for both a level and an attack boost.



Even if they get first strike, you can still get a bonus from them if you kill them in one blow.



All right, doing good. Let's switch to a magical offensive now.



Convert all our glyphs for the follow-up...



And we've done it! Now stay the hell away from us, Super Meat Man.



We didn't unlock anything this win, as usual, but on the other hand...



I go get myself killed against a golem to show off the Martyr ability. THIS WAS WORTHWHILE!

Actually, this can be very useful against bosses, particularly in cases like all those times in the Crypt where I'm one hit away from a win.



But that's not where we are right now.



It will be soon, though!



If this doesn't win, I'll try a not-orc assassin. A dwarf, I think.



This would be kinda helpful here... but eh, we can't afford it.



Ten bucks says we'll need to use this glyph even after we convert APHEELSIK.

Why yes, it is cheating to use my knowledge of the LP in bets. I still won't pay you though.



Not an ideal telprot position, but we'll make it work.



If no other option comes up, we'll take it. Glowing Guardian isn't the best fit for assassins, even in the Crypt, though.



Like usual, we're trying to find BURNDAYRAZ as fast as possible here, preferably without wasting kills or exploration.



Rest assured, we will eventually kill both bosses here.



Dang it, vampires, be less of a problem!



Dang it, glyphs, be less of a problem!



While assassins can make decent use of Tikki-Tooki in normal play, here in the Crypt he loses a lot of his impact. Never mind I've already played a game or two under him here.



Well, this kind of kill isn't ideal, but we'll just have to make do here.



At least this guy is polite about being the toughest enemy for me in the game.



Apparently, in the version of Desktop Dungeons being developed, they made a bunch of the useless glyphs like IMAWAL and so forth actually kind of helpful. IMAWAL, for example, grants you an extra 50% XP on your next kill after petrifying someone. You can use this to greatly amplify the worth of low-level monsters.



I hear they're also going to revamp the shop system.



In the here and now, though, we don't care about mana burn.



Some extra health wouldn't hurt though.



Okay, now we're getting to our usual momentum here.

If all goes well, we can turn this into a win.



Just have to keep taking down high-level foes.



Zombies are, of course, the toughest of the three to do this with, but if we can, we'll do it.



Working our way up the levels, not much to it...



What do you mean, I should be lying in my own blood making peace with my god? I haven't chosen a god yet, silly!



We won't actually gain a level from this fight, true...



But we can sure try!



Now, as an orc assassin, the Pactmaker is kind of a bad choice, since the Learning boon is a bit of a waste, and his other boons are generally available with other gods. But hey.



More high-level kills that leave us mana burned.



Good thing that doesn't slow us down too badly in the overall scheme of things.



Kill off the last level 9 enemy...



And we get to work on the Tormented One.



Granted, we lose all our magic in doing so, but hey, that just means we can convert all our useless glyphs for a physical fi-- oh, right, orc.



Well... we have a trick up our sleeves?



YEAH! SUCK HOLY RETRIBUTION, PUNK!

This goes about as well as you would expect.



DOH WELL, LET'S TRY AGAIN



Dwarf assassin, this time, on the reasoning that we don't need big attack bonuses if we can instakill low-level enemies easily.



A decent first glyph, I guess. Except for the part where ENDISWAL never ever EVER spawns in my games. Seriously, this is getting ridiculous.



I guess we can buy this if we really need to. Hopefully we don't though.



Hm... I'm curious about just how much this guy punishes magic usage. Maybe we can get away with a spell or two if we don't try for RAGE.



Let's hold off on the worship until we ensure we won't need our glyphs though.



For example.



Right now, I think I'm trying to find an alternative to Taurog. He's powerful in the right hands, but also a very dangerous option if you muck up at all, and we can't really afford that.



Can't afford this either.



Ah well. Taurog GO!



Fury GO!



Glyph conversion GO!



Time-wasting GO!



This is what happens when mid-fight exploration (GO) turns out horribly wrong.

Looks like we'll be needing that health potion early.



Well, this is shaping up to be ideal. No health potions on a Taurog character.



Funny thing is, I used to have such a high opinion of Taurog for being a straightforward and powerful god. Well, he's definitely straightforward.



Another thing they'll change in later versions: removing altars that clearly would not help us. So all these Dracul altars in the Crypt we keep getting? Gone forever!



Actually, they're adding a whole bunch of new monster abilities too. I am super excited for the new version. It's apparently coming out on all those mobile phone computer things, which probably means it'll cost the money, but who cares, this game is great and a finished version would be super-great!



Let's try to salvage our existing situation rather than dwelling on future possibilities though.



We're racking up piety at a good clip, at least, thanks to all the wraiths.



The sad part, though, is that Taurog's most affordable boons only help us against the aforementioned wraiths, which really aren't as threatening as the zombies.



At least they'll turn the Tormented One into a relative pushover.



We do have enough mana to cast this, but I've heard that using magic under Taurog not only costs piety, but also damages you heavily. I guess we'll have to test that this run sometime.



Mid-fight level-up? Yes, please.



We're still mana burnt, though, so we can't really use BURNDAYRAZ. Ah well.



Let's just carry on our merry path, then.



Oooh, this is even BETTER than BURNDAYRAZ for us, even under Taurog. Well, assuming he doesn't kill us for using it.



hurp a durp durp im a big jovial zombie

First, though. Let's see whether BURNDAYRAZ actually hurts us.



Apparently not! It did in older versions, though, back before the piety system. Still, -5 is a pretty hefty piety cost, so between that and the side effects of Taurog's boons, you won't get much mileage out of glyphs except through conversion.



Considering what we have to work with here, Taurog (or no god. You're not required to follow a god, remember) really is the best option here.



In the meantime, more killing zombies and stuff.



Vampires, too. We're like a really angry and ineffectual Belmont over here.



The context to this screenshot will be in the next screenshot.



Yeah, apparently I can't count and tried to use Command for a mid-fight level. It almost worked, too. Instead, though, I used up all my mana potions. Fun fact: at 5 max mana, each potion only heals 2 mana!



Oh well, we won't be needing the mana against the Tormented One, anyway.



They're still tough, just not overbearingly so.



Me being the brilliant tactician I am, though, I use up all my potions on them anyway.



And that's why I suck with Taurog now, apparently.



Last try this update, honest. Human assassin!



Since we're human this time, this should make up the lower health. Done and done!



We are going to kill you. Never mind that you're already dead. Heck, you just might be the ghost of one of the assassins that died here. But we ARE going to kill you.



We won't be needing mana for a while, but it never hurts to be cautious.

So we'll do exactly the opposite of being cautious. Yay!



See the threat we issued to the Tormented One, only make it angrier.



Okay, we need to get a level like now.



That'll work.



Okay, now all we have to do is make our way to an altar to make this doable and we should be okay.



We'll also use PISORF (cuz lol, no ENDISWAL for us) to clear out blocked pathways and make tougher foes easier.



I love that I can convert glyphs like this on sight. Leaving them lying around just bugs me, y'know?



Even without surrounding them or using a whip, we do a decent job of slaying vampires.



Need to get as much mileage out of the first strike as we can.



Oh hey, this could be useful.

Unlike previous Jehora runs, where we got normal boons as we went, this time we're going for Polymorph first. That way, we can adapt to the new situation as it presents itself, rather than being locked in an even worse scenario.



To that end, KILLING SPREE



AND ALSO TELPROTS BECAUSE HEY WHY NOT



Seriously? This is getting ridiculous, especially considering his altar didn't spawn until our fourth game (a priest run, I remind you).



Ah well, not much we can do about it.



Or this.

Unfortunately, assassins don't take that much damage due to instant kills on low-level enemies, but hopefully we do enough damage to cancel it out and get Polymorph quickly.



We're getting levels quickly enough, anyway.



Also, clearing out the exploration paths blocked off by high-level monsters, sometimes by killing them.



Hm... This guy might be a bit much. Let's PISORF him into a more open area.



Better... but still, we could use a bit of an edge against him, since BURNDAYRAZ doesn't hurt him fast enough.



That'll do nicely.



And with that, we hit level 8. Excellent.



One PISORF later, and we have enough piety for Polymorph.



Okay now, Jehora. You owe me, you capricious bastard. Come on.



Two Iron Men? Normally, that would be a big problem. But we're playing a human and have HALPMEH. Jehora just won the game for us.



Turning the last level 9 enemy into a serpent didn't hurt either.



Haha, no.



So yeah, one hit against an Iron Man doesn't do much.



We've got a hell of a lot more than one though.



For extra fun, we convert LEMMISI once we find it.

So, we didn't technically kill the Tormented One or Frank. Whatever, this still counts as a win!



Screw you forever, Crypt!



I was kinda hoping Chaos would, y'know, actually work this time, but you can only expect so much from Jehora, I guess.



But hey, like I said, Jehora won that run for us. No complaints here!



We unlocked the Vampire class as a reward. Like bloodmages, they use their health to fuel their spells and can absorb bloodstains for health. Unlike bloodmages, they actually LOSE health while exploring, meaning they have to use life steal (which is improved by glyph conversion) to make up the difference. They're very tricky to work with, but reportedly, they're the most broken class in the game.



Also, we've unlocked the final dungeon. Or rather, final dungeons: the three-part campaign mode, Siege of Lothlorien, in which we play through three special levels with preselected classes. I'll show this one off in the last update. Speaking of...

Next Time: We're definitely running a vampire, that's for sure. However, I don't want to run that and the campaign mode back-to-back. Instead, I have one last vote for all of you. I'm going to run a Ranked dungeon, and I'm going to do it with the class of your choosing. It'll be tougher than a vanilla dungeon, but if we win, we get to submit Pants' score to the official leaderboard! So for one last classic Desktop Dungeon, select your class!

Human Warlord!

The answer is clear:

Do you want to making fuck...Berserker!

Wizard or Bloodmage. You still haven't done a successful Mystera Annur game...

Hammerhand says:

...Monk? Monk.
Because getting hit a lot is FUN.

Earthmother-worshiping Transmuter. Seriously, you can get a really high score with them thanks to the combination of Plantation and the score boost from petrifying things, which creates no problems for a Transmuter since you'll have obliterated the entire dungeon by the time you start worshiping.

Go wizard fury~

Mage of Blood

Mooooooooooonk

My silent prayers have been answered! A Mac client is now available!

Damn you Talking Time, for getting me hooked on another Roguelike. First it was Dungeon Crawl and now this. *shakes fist*

Since I want Pants to make a good showing, I vote for human BERSERKER for the ranked game. If that's too easy (which I think it is) a potion converting race thief is always good fun.

Actually, in my case, thief would probably be easier.

Keep the votes coming! I'd like to have a decisive winner for the update.

Don't feel bad- they've hooked me to this, Angband, and Nethack XD
Half tempted to up the list to 4 and add Dungeon Crawl, though...

Go Berzerk!

They don't aggravate me much but I think I know what you mean - they are pretty LOLcat-ish.

TT introduced me to both Crawl and this. Unfortunately, I am absolutely terrible at roguelikes. Thankfully, Desktop Dungeons is a lot easier than most any other roguelike but I still think there are some bad/annoying/frustrating parts of its design. But every time I play as a Half-Dragon and smash an enemy through a wall I totally forgive this game.

Oh... oh dear.
Annnnd, on the backlog it goes.

Is a Berserker a Blood Mage?

I believe not.

So make the right bloody choice.