Abby dashes into the middle of the room, avoiding all kinds of swinging blades and poop-smeared spikes and manages to get to the young woman. The two are nearly slashed, crushed and destroyed by many traps but she manages to escape in a sequence one could only describe as "rad". Or "radical" for those who don't value conciseness.
I decide to follow the two to the other side of the deadly room, barely surviving in a less impressive sequence that could be described, at best, sorrowful. As I make it to the other side with a fair amount of my blood and organs, Abby introduces me to her SO, Cynthia. "Please, we need to get to the main screening room. That villain, Hayes Code, has been trying to find this location for years, believing this to be the sight of Aztec Gold."
"Wait, I... I don't THINK there were Aztecs in the Amazon."
"No, but there is a copy of the film, Aztec Gold, the first adventure movie filmed by George Melies in 1894. A mad film collector, he's willing to kill anyone to get it."
"This film... it's..."
"Yes. It's a movie about Aztecs from the 1890s. It's VERY problematic. In all the ways you think."
"Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, he's planning to watch it once and destroy the theatre so that he's the only one to be alive and have seen it. The ultimate collectible is an experience."
"Frankly, I don't care about the movie but burning down this place seems bad, especially with all these old weirdos in it. We better stop him."