Because it’s July, The Season of the Witch.
An alligator is bitten by a were-crocodile. Nobody can tell when it's most dangerous.
A ghost is haunted by another ghost. The second ghost is actually a skeleton.
Exercise equipment grows eyeballs. Nobody understands when you tell them you're scared of the Stare-Master
A man inherits his grandfathers ghost. He and his grandfathers ghost do a lot of bonding he couldn't do when he was alive, but it's spooky because he's a ghost.
Cursed phone-tree system, most options kill the user in ironic ways, never gets used because everyone dials 0 for the operator.
Werewolf hunter is shocked after his latest kill to learn that there's no such thing as werewolves; he'd been hunting bigfoots.
You see two skeletons locked in a passionate embrace, and the rooms too small to let you look away and you're kind of embarrassed. Then they're ribs get tangled up and they ask for your help to pull apart.
A poltergeist is frustrated when he messes up the lyrics to your Favorite song, and you just think it's a new Weird Al album you don't recognize.
SEQUEL IDEA: the Poltergeist changes all the lyrics on your Weird Al albums so they sound like the originals.
You get over a cold and all the cold germs turn into ghosts. You now sneeze out tiny ghosts.
A Dracula bites a Frankenstein. UH-OH!
Childhood stuffed toy is possessed by devil, has no bones or muscles so it can't do anything.
Babies stare at you with horrified fascination. BASED ON A TRUE STORY?!?
Too many mummies!
Haunted House gets new owners, evicts ghosts. Homeless ghosts make waiting at traffic lights socially awkward
Old radio is haunted, sounds of static and distorted voices. Owner assumes it's defective and buys a new one, is satisfied with newer, more feature-rich model. Finds new appreciation for old favorites.
Ouija Board actually contacts spirit world. Ghosts are all very complimentary. Everyone who uses it is flattered.
Cursed mirror shows how you die. It turns out "Of old age, surrounded by loved ones".
Teen suspects new neighbor is secretly a killer, presents story to police chief. Police chief believe him, launches investigation that leads to an arrest. Teen is celebrated as local hero.
Comic book characters suddenly come to life. Only affects Archie comics.
Witches curse prevents woman from correctly pronouncing names of foreign countries, accidentally looks racist.
World wakes up one day to find that MySpace suddenly more popular than Facebook. Aliens are involved.
Evil cult moves into town. New town does not have a worthwhile number of followers, cult leader goes door-to-door looking for converts to limited success.
SEQUEL: Evil Cult membership dwindles as followers feel foolish attending such small gatherings. Most only show up for Evil Christmas and Bad Easter services, and pay little attention.
Claustrophobic boogieman lurks on top of bed, hogs covers
Reverse-Vampires put extra blood in people
Horror writer learns his stories come true; writes romantic comedies instead.
Ghost finds Halloween decorations offensive. Writes scathing blog post.
Man engaged in battle of wits against own skeleton
Wedding day ruined by goblin pranks
Woman cursed to predict the future, is unable to convince others. Buys winning lottery tickets instead.
Sinister Goverment agency founded for nefarious purposes. Budget is a nightmare, funding gradually shrinks while no goals are accomplished. President is blamed
Goldfish harbours murderous intent. Owner is terrified.
Mysterious shop appears staffed by the long dead, stores interior is in all ways the same as it was decades ago. It becomes very popular for its low, low prices.
Washing machine is cursed, adds stains to clothes
Reverse-Poltergeist; cleans up rooms after you, leaves passive-aggressive notes on fridge.
Vengeful spirit kills those who watch cursed VHS tape. Ghost had no future-proofing in place and is harmless in 2016.
Photo-lab attendant becomes dangerously fixated on customer. Customer buys a digital camera and a high-quality printer and stops shopping there.
Man is cursed by spiteful genie, never has correct change for purchases.
Strong winds at graveyard cause a skele-nado
Targeted for death by ghost train. Train runs late and only materializes on tracks.
House built on ancient burial mound; grass dies and weeds regrow. Lawn replaced with AstroTurf.
Haunted X-Box, achievements do not unlock
Swimming pool haunted by ghosts of everyone who drowned in it. Due to deligence of lifeguards, nobody ever has.
Evil car becomes obsessed with owner. Is a great friend and gets owner out of some tight jams.
Deadly new virulent disease has early stages indistinguishable from common cold. Cure is common substance most people expose themselves to constantly and unintentionally. Nobody dies.
New family is plagued by ants. Ants don't accomplish much but spell out hurtful words.
Man is menaced well into adulthood by childhood bully. Bully is still 9 years old. Man contacts parents and child is reprimanded.
Man with chainsaws for arms, and also chainsaws for legs. And he has a chainsaw head. His torso is also chainsaws.
Haunted bed sheet ridiculed by other ghosts for reinforcing stereotypes
Kitchen in Haunted house full of Ghost Peppers.
Alphabet Soup spells out the name of the next one to die. Is dyslexic.
Raindrops hate you
Evil doctor prescribes having your head chopped off; second opinion suggests otherwise. WHICH DO YOU CHOOSES?!?
Masked killer spends quiet night at home.
Somewhere, there exists a man with a beard (note: mainly scary for dogs)
A witch made of eyeballs
Agnostic is possessed by devil. Does not notice, assumes they’re just clumsy.
Robots indistinguishable from humans except that they have metal instead of skin and beep instead of talk.
Mad scientist conducts experiments on bowl of brains. Is actually cold spaghetti.
A man has a tattoo of a skull. It's yours.
Mysterious carnival staffed by monsters shows up in middle of night. Monsters are non unionized and park is unsafe. Carnival is shut down after successful lawsuit from broken arm.
Monster so uninteresting that you are bored to death.
Godzilla knows what you did last summer.
Ghostly web browser redirects all Google Searches to www.haunted.boo
Witch takes over local paper. Starts writing HORRORscopes.
Scientist builds Frankenstein out of deli-meats.
Vengeful man installs lightning rod on your house.
Catdog Lives
Vampire who feeds on vampires meets Frankenstein made of Frankensteins and a ghost who scares ghosts.
Monster Mash is held. Is an eerie sight.
Don Knotts meets wolfman. Is traumatized.
Murderous Ghost hears name wrong; answers to Buddy Mary.
Underground Toothfairy Fighting Ring
Helpful ghosts teach greedy miser the true spirit of HALLOWEEN!
Man wins Evil Lottery; prize is one million dollars worth of GHOSTS!
Haunted IMAX theatre airs all your nightmares in stereoscopic 3D surround sound! They're disjointed by nature and not nearly as frightening when depicted that way.
SEQUEL: The Haunted IMAXs films become huge hits on the indie-circuit
Spider starts weight-lifting. Becomes swole.
PAC-MAN becomes a real boy. So does Inky and Clyde
Every episode of Seinfeld contains secret message to Dracula
Chicken Noodle Soup haunted by ghost of chickens and noodles
Farmer accidentally plants the chip from Terminator instead of corn.Grows a fine crop of Skynets!
Car makes a weird noise only owner can hear.
Dog Freaky Fridays You
New Haircut is good, but not great. Due to Cursed Barbershop, hair never regrows to former length
Soul Train ferries the departed to the coolest destination of all
Haunted House gets remodelled. Ghosts can't remember new WiFi password, keep walking into Kitchen when they try to go into bedroom
Lightning-bolt knows you were lying about your taxes.
Beetlejuice fights Candyman
Womans entire skeleton jumps out her mouth. Must track it down before Scientists catch it!
Child befriends alien visitor, and becomes ill when creature does. Alien looks like a chimp made of sausage.
Serial Killer who always murders by throwing people into volcanos buys a plane ticket to Hawaii
Recently wed couple spend honeymoon being repeatedly cursed by mummies.
Mummy's vacation constantly interrupted by newlywed couple
Long forgotten pagan god reborn and seeks vengeance; is a god of baking; bread never raises just right
Too much litter on the moon; gets weighed down and falls to Earth.
Man wanders into Mirror World where mice chase cats. No other discernible differences.
New landlord turns out to be a ghoul; raises rent every time you clean cobwebs
Street Lamps speak in morse code. Mostly just petty complaints to one another
Horsepires!
Ouija Boards useless against ghosts who read Cyrillic
Unexpected gift of breakfast in bed... prepared by Frankenstein!
Beloved, long-dead radio host gets new show on haunted radio. Everyone is pleased at first, but gradually comes to realize that old host was kind of racist
Mummy Bugs
Mad doctor kidnaps college students and forces horrible, disfiguring, radical surgery on them. Improves patients quality of life immensely. Wins accolades in medical community.
SEQUEL: Mad Doctor finds that success rings hollow, isn't any happier now that he's found fame and acceptance. Becomes sullen.
Ghost messes with browser history; targeted ads are now all for Halloween supplies
Favourite movie is rewatched; there's a chill down your spine because all the actors are now DEAD!
Child makes spelling mistake when writing letters at Christmas. Receives a new bike from Satan
The Boogieman from that one episode of Ghostbusters. Yikes
Worlds Smallest Ghost haunts electron microscope
Inattentive parents fail to notice Halloween candy contains mummies
Death of the Author does not stop ghost of inflammatory pop culture figure
Family menaced when Monster from children’s book becomes real; it’s Grover
Troubled teen can’t tell terrifying hallucinations apart from reality except by deductive method
You encounter a Terrible Witch. Unsure if that means she’s ineffectual or entirely too effective.
Malevolent AI not future proofed, stuck in a 286
Ghost haunts dating app, is a giving lover but too much drama
Mad scientist creates new form of life, adapts and learns quickly but is kind of ugly, and so it strangles some people
Sonic the Hedghog fan characters do not listen to creators, steal everything
Poltergeist makes your furnishings spell out cuss words
Cat accidentally follows you home, you are now a cat thief. Gateway to worse behaviour.
No one willing to step on Handsome Spiders
Witch uses a switchblade instead of a wand. Yells of “AbracaSTABra” become less funny over time.
Evil cult infiltrates NASA with plan to put the devil on the moon
Haunted doll has different opinions on political issues than you
A centaur, but it’s split length-wise instead of width.
Mad Doctor replaces your bones with other people’s bones
Grim Reaper has inferiority complex when people are more scared of public speaking than of it.
Actual ghost tries to scare people away from gold mine it’s stealing from. Is not taken seriously.
Ghost caused by undigested beef teams up with ghost made of blots of mustard
Fashionable thrift-store jacket once owned by Frankenstein
Can’t pull your gaze away from dreamy mummy
Haunted Garage Sale
Haunted internet meme kills again
Trees are rude
Clumsy poltergeist keeps dropping things at the wrong time
Camping Dracula encounters Bigfoot
Underpaid ghost can’t earn a living. Only a DYING!
Evil genealogist hunts down grandchildren of people their grandparents hated
Free range skeletons
Child thoughtlessly uses Wishbone wish to bring the turkey back to life
Ghost in Haunted House kills by removing batteries from smoke and carbon monoxide detectors
Dracula bites Santa Claus, now doesn’t need to be invited into houses
Santa Claus bitten by Dracula, nobody is sure whether it’s worth inviting him in
Dog has untrustworthy smile
Evil cult sneaks into Bible printing press, puts sarcastic air-quotes around pertinent passages
Popular song has hidden message from sinister agency recorded backwards, is a reminder to call their mother
Man falls victim to online catfishing scam, mails own skeleton to anonymous con artist
Fishman more scary and less handsome than Hollywood leads you to believe
Dracula realizes that throwing dynamite is faster than biting necks.
Evil Witch big fan of Wicked, but terrible singer
Goblin won’t shut up about trip to Holland
Really, really big ghosts
Demon possesses phone, changes all names in contact info to be evaluations of butts. Some more flattering than others.
An alligator is bitten by a were-crocodile. Nobody can tell when it's most dangerous.
A ghost is haunted by another ghost. The second ghost is actually a skeleton.
Exercise equipment grows eyeballs. Nobody understands when you tell them you're scared of the Stare-Master
A man inherits his grandfathers ghost. He and his grandfathers ghost do a lot of bonding he couldn't do when he was alive, but it's spooky because he's a ghost.
Cursed phone-tree system, most options kill the user in ironic ways, never gets used because everyone dials 0 for the operator.
Werewolf hunter is shocked after his latest kill to learn that there's no such thing as werewolves; he'd been hunting bigfoots.
You see two skeletons locked in a passionate embrace, and the rooms too small to let you look away and you're kind of embarrassed. Then they're ribs get tangled up and they ask for your help to pull apart.
A poltergeist is frustrated when he messes up the lyrics to your Favorite song, and you just think it's a new Weird Al album you don't recognize.
SEQUEL IDEA: the Poltergeist changes all the lyrics on your Weird Al albums so they sound like the originals.
You get over a cold and all the cold germs turn into ghosts. You now sneeze out tiny ghosts.
A Dracula bites a Frankenstein. UH-OH!
Childhood stuffed toy is possessed by devil, has no bones or muscles so it can't do anything.
Babies stare at you with horrified fascination. BASED ON A TRUE STORY?!?
Too many mummies!
Haunted House gets new owners, evicts ghosts. Homeless ghosts make waiting at traffic lights socially awkward
Old radio is haunted, sounds of static and distorted voices. Owner assumes it's defective and buys a new one, is satisfied with newer, more feature-rich model. Finds new appreciation for old favorites.
Ouija Board actually contacts spirit world. Ghosts are all very complimentary. Everyone who uses it is flattered.
Cursed mirror shows how you die. It turns out "Of old age, surrounded by loved ones".
Teen suspects new neighbor is secretly a killer, presents story to police chief. Police chief believe him, launches investigation that leads to an arrest. Teen is celebrated as local hero.
Comic book characters suddenly come to life. Only affects Archie comics.
Witches curse prevents woman from correctly pronouncing names of foreign countries, accidentally looks racist.
World wakes up one day to find that MySpace suddenly more popular than Facebook. Aliens are involved.
Evil cult moves into town. New town does not have a worthwhile number of followers, cult leader goes door-to-door looking for converts to limited success.
SEQUEL: Evil Cult membership dwindles as followers feel foolish attending such small gatherings. Most only show up for Evil Christmas and Bad Easter services, and pay little attention.
Claustrophobic boogieman lurks on top of bed, hogs covers
Reverse-Vampires put extra blood in people
Horror writer learns his stories come true; writes romantic comedies instead.
Ghost finds Halloween decorations offensive. Writes scathing blog post.
Man engaged in battle of wits against own skeleton
Wedding day ruined by goblin pranks
Woman cursed to predict the future, is unable to convince others. Buys winning lottery tickets instead.
Sinister Goverment agency founded for nefarious purposes. Budget is a nightmare, funding gradually shrinks while no goals are accomplished. President is blamed
Goldfish harbours murderous intent. Owner is terrified.
Mysterious shop appears staffed by the long dead, stores interior is in all ways the same as it was decades ago. It becomes very popular for its low, low prices.
Washing machine is cursed, adds stains to clothes
Reverse-Poltergeist; cleans up rooms after you, leaves passive-aggressive notes on fridge.
Vengeful spirit kills those who watch cursed VHS tape. Ghost had no future-proofing in place and is harmless in 2016.
Photo-lab attendant becomes dangerously fixated on customer. Customer buys a digital camera and a high-quality printer and stops shopping there.
Man is cursed by spiteful genie, never has correct change for purchases.
Strong winds at graveyard cause a skele-nado
Targeted for death by ghost train. Train runs late and only materializes on tracks.
House built on ancient burial mound; grass dies and weeds regrow. Lawn replaced with AstroTurf.
Haunted X-Box, achievements do not unlock
Swimming pool haunted by ghosts of everyone who drowned in it. Due to deligence of lifeguards, nobody ever has.
Evil car becomes obsessed with owner. Is a great friend and gets owner out of some tight jams.
Deadly new virulent disease has early stages indistinguishable from common cold. Cure is common substance most people expose themselves to constantly and unintentionally. Nobody dies.
New family is plagued by ants. Ants don't accomplish much but spell out hurtful words.
Man is menaced well into adulthood by childhood bully. Bully is still 9 years old. Man contacts parents and child is reprimanded.
Man with chainsaws for arms, and also chainsaws for legs. And he has a chainsaw head. His torso is also chainsaws.
Haunted bed sheet ridiculed by other ghosts for reinforcing stereotypes
Kitchen in Haunted house full of Ghost Peppers.
Alphabet Soup spells out the name of the next one to die. Is dyslexic.
Raindrops hate you
Evil doctor prescribes having your head chopped off; second opinion suggests otherwise. WHICH DO YOU CHOOSES?!?
Masked killer spends quiet night at home.
Somewhere, there exists a man with a beard (note: mainly scary for dogs)
A witch made of eyeballs
Agnostic is possessed by devil. Does not notice, assumes they’re just clumsy.
Robots indistinguishable from humans except that they have metal instead of skin and beep instead of talk.
Mad scientist conducts experiments on bowl of brains. Is actually cold spaghetti.
A man has a tattoo of a skull. It's yours.
Mysterious carnival staffed by monsters shows up in middle of night. Monsters are non unionized and park is unsafe. Carnival is shut down after successful lawsuit from broken arm.
Monster so uninteresting that you are bored to death.
Godzilla knows what you did last summer.
Ghostly web browser redirects all Google Searches to www.haunted.boo
Witch takes over local paper. Starts writing HORRORscopes.
Scientist builds Frankenstein out of deli-meats.
Vengeful man installs lightning rod on your house.
Catdog Lives
Vampire who feeds on vampires meets Frankenstein made of Frankensteins and a ghost who scares ghosts.
Monster Mash is held. Is an eerie sight.
Don Knotts meets wolfman. Is traumatized.
Murderous Ghost hears name wrong; answers to Buddy Mary.
Underground Toothfairy Fighting Ring
Helpful ghosts teach greedy miser the true spirit of HALLOWEEN!
Man wins Evil Lottery; prize is one million dollars worth of GHOSTS!
Haunted IMAX theatre airs all your nightmares in stereoscopic 3D surround sound! They're disjointed by nature and not nearly as frightening when depicted that way.
SEQUEL: The Haunted IMAXs films become huge hits on the indie-circuit
Spider starts weight-lifting. Becomes swole.
PAC-MAN becomes a real boy. So does Inky and Clyde
Every episode of Seinfeld contains secret message to Dracula
Chicken Noodle Soup haunted by ghost of chickens and noodles
Farmer accidentally plants the chip from Terminator instead of corn.Grows a fine crop of Skynets!
Car makes a weird noise only owner can hear.
Dog Freaky Fridays You
New Haircut is good, but not great. Due to Cursed Barbershop, hair never regrows to former length
Soul Train ferries the departed to the coolest destination of all
Haunted House gets remodelled. Ghosts can't remember new WiFi password, keep walking into Kitchen when they try to go into bedroom
Lightning-bolt knows you were lying about your taxes.
Beetlejuice fights Candyman
Womans entire skeleton jumps out her mouth. Must track it down before Scientists catch it!
Child befriends alien visitor, and becomes ill when creature does. Alien looks like a chimp made of sausage.
Serial Killer who always murders by throwing people into volcanos buys a plane ticket to Hawaii
Recently wed couple spend honeymoon being repeatedly cursed by mummies.
Mummy's vacation constantly interrupted by newlywed couple
Long forgotten pagan god reborn and seeks vengeance; is a god of baking; bread never raises just right
Too much litter on the moon; gets weighed down and falls to Earth.
Man wanders into Mirror World where mice chase cats. No other discernible differences.
New landlord turns out to be a ghoul; raises rent every time you clean cobwebs
Street Lamps speak in morse code. Mostly just petty complaints to one another
Horsepires!
Ouija Boards useless against ghosts who read Cyrillic
Unexpected gift of breakfast in bed... prepared by Frankenstein!
Beloved, long-dead radio host gets new show on haunted radio. Everyone is pleased at first, but gradually comes to realize that old host was kind of racist
Mummy Bugs
Mad doctor kidnaps college students and forces horrible, disfiguring, radical surgery on them. Improves patients quality of life immensely. Wins accolades in medical community.
SEQUEL: Mad Doctor finds that success rings hollow, isn't any happier now that he's found fame and acceptance. Becomes sullen.
Ghost messes with browser history; targeted ads are now all for Halloween supplies
Favourite movie is rewatched; there's a chill down your spine because all the actors are now DEAD!
Child makes spelling mistake when writing letters at Christmas. Receives a new bike from Satan
The Boogieman from that one episode of Ghostbusters. Yikes
Worlds Smallest Ghost haunts electron microscope
Inattentive parents fail to notice Halloween candy contains mummies
Death of the Author does not stop ghost of inflammatory pop culture figure
Family menaced when Monster from children’s book becomes real; it’s Grover
Troubled teen can’t tell terrifying hallucinations apart from reality except by deductive method
You encounter a Terrible Witch. Unsure if that means she’s ineffectual or entirely too effective.
Malevolent AI not future proofed, stuck in a 286
Ghost haunts dating app, is a giving lover but too much drama
Mad scientist creates new form of life, adapts and learns quickly but is kind of ugly, and so it strangles some people
Sonic the Hedghog fan characters do not listen to creators, steal everything
Poltergeist makes your furnishings spell out cuss words
Cat accidentally follows you home, you are now a cat thief. Gateway to worse behaviour.
No one willing to step on Handsome Spiders
Witch uses a switchblade instead of a wand. Yells of “AbracaSTABra” become less funny over time.
Evil cult infiltrates NASA with plan to put the devil on the moon
Haunted doll has different opinions on political issues than you
A centaur, but it’s split length-wise instead of width.
Mad Doctor replaces your bones with other people’s bones
Grim Reaper has inferiority complex when people are more scared of public speaking than of it.
Actual ghost tries to scare people away from gold mine it’s stealing from. Is not taken seriously.
Ghost caused by undigested beef teams up with ghost made of blots of mustard
Fashionable thrift-store jacket once owned by Frankenstein
Can’t pull your gaze away from dreamy mummy
Haunted Garage Sale
Haunted internet meme kills again
Trees are rude
Clumsy poltergeist keeps dropping things at the wrong time
Camping Dracula encounters Bigfoot
Underpaid ghost can’t earn a living. Only a DYING!
Evil genealogist hunts down grandchildren of people their grandparents hated
Free range skeletons
Child thoughtlessly uses Wishbone wish to bring the turkey back to life
Ghost in Haunted House kills by removing batteries from smoke and carbon monoxide detectors
Dracula bites Santa Claus, now doesn’t need to be invited into houses
Santa Claus bitten by Dracula, nobody is sure whether it’s worth inviting him in
Dog has untrustworthy smile
Evil cult sneaks into Bible printing press, puts sarcastic air-quotes around pertinent passages
Popular song has hidden message from sinister agency recorded backwards, is a reminder to call their mother
Man falls victim to online catfishing scam, mails own skeleton to anonymous con artist
Fishman more scary and less handsome than Hollywood leads you to believe
Dracula realizes that throwing dynamite is faster than biting necks.
Evil Witch big fan of Wicked, but terrible singer
Goblin won’t shut up about trip to Holland
Really, really big ghosts
Demon possesses phone, changes all names in contact info to be evaluations of butts. Some more flattering than others.
