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does the Underpants Dance
Really wish the industry could just skip over the 1 or 2 years of stupid and failed NFT gaming endeavors so everyone finally realizes it's stupid, but I guess we're all gonna have to live through it anyway.
The specific details on this one are hilarious, too.

I realize that some people who “play to have fun” and who currently form the majority of players have voiced their reservations toward these new trends, and understandably so. However, I believe that there will be a certain number of people whose motivation is to “play to contribute,” by which I mean to help make the game more exciting. Traditional gaming has offered no explicit incentive to this latter group of people, who were motivated strictly by such inconsistent personal feelings as goodwill and volunteer spirit. This fact is not unrelated to the limitations of existing UGC (user-generated content). UGC has been brought into being solely because of individuals’ desire for self-expression and not because any explicit incentive existed to reward them for their creative efforts. I see this as one reason that there haven’t been as many major game-changing content that were user generated as one would expect.

However, with advances in token economies, users will be provided with explicit incentives, thereby resulting not only in greater consistency in their motivation, but also creating a tangible upside to their creative efforts. I believe that this will lead to more people devoting themselves to such efforts and to greater possibilities of games growing in exciting ways. From having fun to earning to contributing, a wide variety of motivations will inspire people to engage with games and connect with one another. It is blockchain-based tokens that will enable this. By designing viable token economies into our games, we will enable self-sustaining game growth. It is precisely this sort of ecosystem that lies at the heart of what I refer to as “decentralized gaming,” and I hope that this becomes a major trend in gaming going forward. If we refer to the one-way relationship where game players and game providers are linked by games that are finished products as “centralized gaming” to contrast it with decentralized gaming, then incorporating decentralized games into our portfolio in addition to centralized games will be a major strategic theme for us starting in 2022. The basic and elemental technologies to enable blockchain games already exist, and there has been an increase in the societal literacy and acceptance of crypto assets in the past few years. We will keep a close eye on societal shifts in this space while listening to the many groups of users that populate it, and ramp up our efforts to develop a business accordingly, with an eye to potentially issuing our own tokens in the future.

Maybe I'm just an idiot, but I think there are a lot of other, more effective steps that Square-Enix could probably take to promote decentralized user generated content before NFTs! It's such a flimsy smoke screen for the actual motivation of, "We would like a cut of this unregulated pyramid scheme."

q 3

here to eat fish and erase the universe
"mobile gaming has taught us that people who “play to have fun” are less lucrative than people who “pay to have jpegs” so that will be our business model now"

q 3

here to eat fish and erase the universe
square-enix if you're serious about user generated content then let me add my own "cloud smooches barret" subplot to FF7R, you cowards


Me and My Bestie
(He, him)
"mobile gaming has taught us that people who “play to have fun” are less lucrative than people who “pay to have jpegs” so that will be our business model now"
Yeah, I'm honestly unsurprised that the president of the game company with dozens of unregulated F2P get-rich-quick schemes (many Japan-only, most defunct) would be all into the current unregulated get-rich-quick scheme. Gots to fish up those whales now 'cuz someone might actually crack down on all these digital snake oil salesmen someday.

That Old Chestnut

and evidently Konami's decided to go this route for Castlevania's 35 Anniversary

seriously, just fucking rerelease SOTN already!!!

only good thing to come out of this whole stupid mess is that monkey with the rainbow colored teeth
(edit: and a cursory google search showed me that there are apparently multiple monkeys with rainbow teeth because they literally just mix and match parts to make thousands of these things good god y'all so stupid you deserve to lose everything you own to this shit)
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q 3

here to eat fish and erase the universe
You right-click men's souls and make them your slaves


Aging Hipster Dragon Dad
I had to stop watching roughly around when the anthropomorphic coin called the guy "Cryptopher".


I had to stop watching roughly around when the anthropomorphic coin called the guy "Cryptopher".
How could you stop wathcing this amazing movie, that 30 people worked on? Was this before or after the musical numbers?

While watching this bizarre introduction video, I was so certain this was satire. I expected that anthropomorphic coin to behead "Cryptopher" and drink his blood, or something. I also got Bioshock vibes from this place, or Atlas Shrugged, or all the other nonsense, where the ELITE builds a community to LIVE FREE. And then die horribly, or something.

I want to keep talking, but I would just repeating myself. Good god. This is one of the dumbest things I have ever seen.


Yeah, that's it! I was thinking that it was like the start of a horror movie, and it was going to jump cut to the present when the whole island is in shambles. Bioshock is a perfect comparison.


Yes, that Russian author.
I do love that they have a soundalike of "You're the One That I Want" from Grease as their big dance number. That a crypto venture is using soundalikes to make sure it doesn't get shut down by the rights holders of a real song is pretty darned beautiful.

Johnny Unusual

Minute two, the cartoon begins and within 10 seconds the prefix crypto is used so many time I assumed even something THIS bad is at the very least going to lampshade how fucking stupid this sounds...
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Johnny Unusual

Minute three


He's weirdly archaic in that he feels like a rando trying to be Robin Williams like a lot of nobodies tried to be in the early 90s.

"Honey badger don't care" was ADRed into the background. Apropos of nothing.

I am SO fucking glad this jargon is mostly all over my head. And there sure is a metric ton of it.


Minute 4

I remember a terrible webcomic who's tagline was about how a girlfriend is cool because she made a "the cake is a lie" reference. This feels like that except for 18 excruciating minutes and I have no idea what the fuck people are talking about, which acts as a mild shield as it probably would have been WORSE somehow.
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Please go on, your report is delightful.

A friend mentioned, that these people never actually tell you HOW you can invest (buy? I forgot what they were actually doing), in the video. Then I found the website of these weirdos, and that one doesn't answer this question either.

Guys, I know you are all disappointed now, but I think there is something fishy going on.


You know, I do hope some poor artists are able to get a ton of money out of people who are as dumb as they are rich with these NFTs. Maybe something good can come from this absurdity.

Good god, every time I'm in this thread, I have to giggle like a lunatic. Dunno, maybe it's because of the island where everything is named after some cryptononsense.

Johnny Unusual

Minute 5

They take a trip to the parcel of land with a house the "Crypto King" protagonist bought and he's pretty impressed by his wacky bear skin rug


Wall of jpgs that only he can own or whatever the fuck NFTs are (bet you this mother fucker bought a star at some point, too)

And... a big sink in the middle of the floor.


Which I guess is some sort of foot bath or walk-in bidet.

After that, they try to sell me on the idea that it would be great to program and code near palm trees. I assure you, it would not. It would be much better just hang out. Maybe with someone who isn't a talking coin.


Oh my god, how did I forget that googly-eyed bear fur?

30 people worked on that video. Paid people.

Johnny Unusual

Minute Six

Holy shit, there's a "De-stress room" that's a room full of coins you are expected to swim around in Scrooge McDuck-style. Crypto is already fucking stupid but this is turning your conspicuous consumption cult into a Nickolodeon game show. Also, it is clearly LARGE foam pieces.


This tools sounds of absolute joy at swimming in this makes crypto-investors somehow come across as even more infantile that I assumed they were comfortable with.

They then head to a restaurant were the meals have names like FEDuccine and Fried Chickenomics. Somehow, our Crypto King does not immediately weep at his investment but if he didn't do that in the pit full of what I assume is foam that has soaked up adult sweat and urine, this isn't going to do much. You cannot break what is already broken.

Johnny Unusual

Minute Seven

Our Crypto King is search for a fork to eat "rat poison" which might be a reference but also might be him wanting to eat rat poison as quickly as possible because it's clear this guy doesn't make good decisions. To my point, rat poison is a finger food. But it turns out that there's actually one fork in the techo-capitalist utopia and it's grabbed by some lady with very long limbs. I don't think my take away was that this was supposed to be the female slenderman but that she's a cool lady who is also into crypto.


The Crypto King embarrasses himself but she still seems interested in him because, like he, she is a terrible decision maker.

We then see a bug-eyed seagull because I guess some tech douche's idea of paradise his hideous fauna like an Illumination Pictures character going through explosive decompression. Connie the Coin points it out and called it a hacker and the seagull says "bit coin" and the Crypto King calls it mass adoption at it's finest and I feel, again, like I would be more angry if I wasn't so confused.

We then see a "walk of fame" and someone says something about "to the moon", which keeps coming up so it's clearly some more horse shit and Crypto King says "that was fun" from... either looking at a walk of fame or someone saying "to the moon" It's equally upsetting.

Then we are ten seconds into what can be very generously referred to as a musical number and thankfully the minute is up.

Johnny Unusual

Minute 8

The musical number is worse than I thought. The coin is mumbling his lines of dialogue and when is switches gears to a parody of "you're the one that I want", it becomes incomprehensible. Only the ugly human lead is comprehendible and is trying.

Minute 9

I thought we were done the game when the two promise you can play slotcars on the island, ruining the game of slot cars forever, but instead it suddenly becomes a terrible and again, incomprehensible parody of the Prince Ali song from Aladdin. NOW the song is over, I hope, then the characters are acting serious about how great the place is, using the term "visionary" and "real OGs" within the same sentence. Note that OG is a term with foundations in black culture and this is the whitest fucking thing I've seen in a long time.

Johnny Unusual

Minute 10

Oh, now it's really wearing it's whiteness on it's sleeve because the shittiness gets to the next level. There's a casino with pinball (a classic casino game) some guy is walking around with a Pepe shirt trying to impress the waitress and mockery of someone trying to warn everyone that this is a scam.

Minute 11

There's more references to stuff and then video of an actual pinball game... an Iron Maiden one, I think. Like, not at all the one people that is being played. Anyway, for some reason, it turns out the hacker birds in the crypto utopia are stealing that one girl's virtual wallet and the coin is off on his bullshit again, trying to be a Looney Tunes but it doesn't work. Seriously, if this is supposed to be a virtual wonderland, why are you implying this hypothetical space is already hounded by hackers. It's all for a meet cute where Crypstopher can help Bianca but not in a way that solves the large problem of being trapped in crypto-hell.

And somehow there are seven minutes left in this nightmare.

Paul le Fou

24/7 lofi hip hop man to study/relax to
I watched the whole thing because I was certain it was satire. Then my worldview was just so skewed that the whole thing had to be satire. Even the part after the animation. It was just... so, so stupid. So you're telling me all those jokes that were so idiotic they had to be taking the piss out of it all were...real? This whole thing is...real? (Well, no, it's extremely not-real, but it's...not a joke? Not satire?)

This is going to make Fyre Festival look like Disneyland.

Johnny Unusual

Minute 12

Bianca and Cryptstopher take a "Crypto Kitty" and we are told this is best part. We pan out into a storyboard (I have a hard time imagining this had ANY planning involved) and Connie the Coin asks you "can you see it?" We then see our protagonist looking at it in amazement and Connie telling him in a manner that said "this will get me in your pants" that "you're the first person I've shown it too". Connie now appears much larger then ever before. Through his digital veins pulse a venomous lust for his own Crypto King. Then "Wouldn't It Be Nice" by the Beach Boys plays and we get a thank you note from a fictional character to "Bob". Thankfully this is where the animation ends.

After is the live action component and there's some clapping for the presentation with a standee of Connee the coin and it certainly feels like the clapping happened without emotion. Cryptoland creators Elena and Max are introduced by a man claiming to been on the ground floor and looks like he was grabbed off the street and thrown into a suit. He does not look natural in it.

Elena tells us that Cryptoland exists... in digital form. BUT IT DOES EXIST. It exists in the same way wishes and fairies and Twinkie the Kid exist so I'm not actually that impressed. Her voice fades in over her talking which is a bit weird and then we see the promise of 10K Pizza, which is like a regular pizza, but with paper numbers and letters on it and probably terrible.

Max later chimes in and says he wants to imagine the coolest place that could ever exist. And I know "cool" is a bit subjective but you have failed imagination, Max. Turn in your invisible badge and guns, you are no longer allowed to dream.

The duo also claim they will devote their lives to this project, which seems so sad. Like, someone gave birth to you and had hopes and dreams for your future. And then you took this path.

They go on to mention it the plan is to make it real. See, I assumed that at first, and then I thought, "Oh, maybe this is a garbage virtual space". Which is stupid. But the fact that the plan is to pollute the real world with it is upsetting. It will never fucking happen but it's an upsetting dream for someone to have and want to make real.

Also they used the term "proof of work gym". Is that a thing or just some words strung together. And then we get... the concept designs...


My god. I hate everything about this. Like, I can say that about every inch of this video but somehow this got me bad.

It gets worse...


The machines aren't even clever. They just have names slapped on them and more time is spent explaining a reference than the equipment.


Nothing puts my mind at ease less than the promise that a thing we've just been told about is "very funny". Also, that toilet paper will 100% give you a rash.

Then Elena goes on about how they want it to be an eco-friendly resort, as demonstrated by her being shot in an angle that also features sunbeams while she looks at trees.

We are given some time with the architect who has one name and there's one shot of him laughing and I swear I felt his soul death from across time, the last ember gone. That's when he "understood the spirit of crypto". It is the void within us.

Also, this animation took a YEAR to complete. So if there was any doubt they weren't going to create a paradise for the most obnoxious people on Earth, this took up a lot of their time and it looks like ass.

I really hope this "project" is purely for assholes scamming assholes because if Max and Elena truly have dedicated their lives to this will true hearts, it's a damning indictment of the concept of passion.