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Octopus Prime

Mysterious Contraption
Okay, I’ve had a couple days to process my excitement (It’s “discernible” as you might guess), and aside from the obvious fact that I’m happy to get a new album from one of my favorite bands, this video has lore implications. And Gloryhammer is nothing if not dedicated to it’s completely bonkers-ass lore.

First off, as you can tell from the vocals, Thomas ain’t in the band anymore (he started a new band called Angus McSix, which is… basically more of the same but even more obviously He-Man inspired and I am genuinely unsure if there was behind the scenes drama or this is an extended bit), but since Angus McFife died at the end of the third album that’s not unreasonable. The Angus that appears in the video seems a lot less confident and competent at fighting with the power of the Gloryhammer, so that implies it’s not the same Angus as well.

Then again this is a Villain Song explaining Zargothraxs origin, so it’s not like it wouldn’t be self aggrandizing.

Furthermore, most of the video is a brief retelling of Tales from the Kingdom of Fife (albeit from Zargothraxs perspective), which is a delightful homage, but it depicts Ranethor the Hermit as a submarine commander, which only happened in the altered timeline in Beyond the Terrorvortex. I don’t know if that’s implications or them realizing that a submarine commander is cooler than an old wizard aesthetically.

Furthermore, while Angus McFife is shown both being the cause of Zargothraxs descent to evil (by building an entire kingdom on top of his cottage) and it showing his triumph over Zargothrax at the conclusion of the battle of the Epic Rage of Furious Thunder, the back half shows a completely different Angus (possibly the 13th, possibly an earlier one; his outfit is closer to the futuristic armor of 1992)

On another note the chorus specifically mentions that Zargothrax is “The Wielder of the Laser Blaster”, and as any corn-slapping fool knows, the Vorpal Laser was one of the three weapons handed down by the Star Gods (alongside the titular Gloryhammer and the Knife of Evil). The Gloryhammer itself is featured heavily in this video (and dollars to donuts it will get yet a fourth theme song when the album itself is released), and the Knife of Evil was presumably lost in the Terror Vortex when Angus the 13th sacrificed his life after being stabbed with it). This means that apart from the obvious threat posed by there being two Zargothraxs, at least one of them has a Star God weapon.

I can’t wait for June to come to that all these mysteries may be unveiled to me


Lapsed Threadcromancer
I guess I should pre-order the vinyl for this one. Rise of the Chaos Wizards on the aftermarket is insane.

Octopus Prime

Mysterious Contraption
Okay, I spent most of the weekend listening to the album and digesting it. And also smiling a lot because it’s a hell of a release.

And in terms of Plot, this is easily the most straightforward release for the band, even outdoing Beyond the Galactic Terror Vortex. And that’s despite it being a separate dimension in the multiverse and full of time travel.

And while, despite the title of the first song on the album, there is, in fact, not a song about how cool the Astral Hammer of Glory is. The Invincible Knights of Crail are shown to be completely ineffective at their one job twice, however. So that balances out on average.

It opens with an epilogue to Legends of The Kingdom of Fife; with Angus celebrating the 30th anniversary of his defeat of Zargothrax, only for the nuclear clone, The Immortal Zargothrax Alpha-One to reactivate following Zargothrax the Progenitors death in the alternate universe of the Galactic Terror Vortex. Then he blows up Dundee and all of Scotland, with a nuclear bomb because… Zargothrax is an asshole.

WE CUT FORWARD DECADES; and Angus’ son, Angus McFife the second (magically frozen in space to spare his life from Zargothraxs attack), has awakened and vow to avenge his father, and world, by destroying Zargothrax forever.

The Kingdom of Dundee is gone, replaced by the wasteland of Imperium Dundaxia; ruled by monsters and robots and Zargothrax the Immortal; but defended by the still surviving Heroes of Fife. The Barbarian King of France, The Hootsman is a Mad Max style traveling warrior, Ser Proletius allied with the robot armies to defend the peasants with futuristic technology, and Ralethor the Hermit is mysterious and enigmatic time travelling wizard but A Good Guy.

United, the heroes hear a prophecy of the weapon capable of finally ending Zargothrax and the threat he poses to all of time and space; The third sacred weapon of the Starlords of Eternity; The Vorpal Laser Blaster; secretly hidden by the most powerful Goblin to ever exist; the Sword Lord of the Horde. Angus defeats the Sword Lord, and learns of where the Blaster is hidden (and it’s implied that Ralethor learns this as well and uses his time magic to tell himself in 992 and 1992, explaining how he knew the path through the Dwarven Catacombs), only to learn too late that Zargothrax The Immortal beat them to it and stole the Blaster himself; hoping to use its power to break into the Fortress of Crail and free his counterpart; Zargothrax the Progenitor; bringing forth the unspeakable evil rule of the MALIFICUS GEMINUS.

Angus and the Heroes recruit a new ally in the form of the enormous Robot Prince (Electronic Lord of War) to help even the odds presented by the threat of the impending Double Wizard; but are too late; The Vorpal Laser Blaster destroys the Tomb of Liquid Ice and frees Zargothrax the Progenitor and he and his Nuclear Clone merge their minds into the BINARY THAUMATURGE

This is in contrast to the events of the video which show Nuclear Clone Zargothrax tricking Angus into breaking the Tomb of Liquid Ice with the Gloryhammer, but they didn’t want to give everything away so they can be forgiven.

The DOUBLE WIZARD is an enemy beyond anything Dundee had ever seen before (and I pray will ever see again) and they obliterate the Heroes of Dundee with no effort, even corrupting the Robot Prince into an undead Mecha King with the power of the Knife of Evil, leaving Angus alone to fight the Sorcerous Twins, armed with the Knife of Evil and Vorpal Laser Blaster. He stands alone to stop Zargothrax who reveals the true scope of his master plan; not merely to kill Angus and Destroy Dundee; but to obliterate ALL OF TIME ITSELF, also preventing the dinosaurs from going extinct and thereby stopping the Proceone Era!

BUT THEN!!! (And I had to look up the lyrics online as this part is very hard to discern with the human ear)

The collision of the powers of the Star Lords resonates through the universe and it summons the Starlords of Eternity Themselves to come to Dundee, only to find the weapons they’d hidden there for safety being used recklessly by several wizards conjoined at the brain and a prince. In their outrage that such puny mortals would deign to use their gifts in such a way they completely destroy the Entire timeline (it had already been wrecked beyond saving by Zargothrax Alpha One, so a timeline reset was in order) and spare Angus, sending his noble heart, and take him beyond the reaches of the galaxy to become the defender of the Multiverse.

And we end with a triumphant reprise of the already triumphant prologue song as Angus McFife the Second ascends to godhood; making this perhaps the only Happy Ending in Gloryhammers entire discography


(He, Him)
Every now and then this forum still manages to introduce me to an entirely unfamiliar type of thing (this is a british power metal band that has invented a bonkers fantasy backstory for itself?) Love to see it.