Love For Dummies - The Top 50 Fictional Relationships Thread

[Positronic Brain]

Well, hello, there, Talking Tyrants! Nice of you to drop by. Welcome to Positronic Brain’s “Relationships for Dummies”. Together we will unravel all the mysteries of these crazy little things called Relationships - what are they? How do they work? What makes a successful relationship?

I know, deep stuff. I wish I had the answers.

Er, I mean - thankfully you are reading a book by an authority in the matter, and I’m going to show you the answer to these questions by exploring popular fictional relationships, as voted by your fellow tyrants! That’s right, we’ll see what makes other relationships tick and what's about them that makes us feel warm and fuzzy in our herts (or equivalent vascular central organ). Hopefully, we will learn a thing or two in the process that we can copy/paste into practice.

Hey, worked for me when I had to learn english and worked it really good four me.

So, forward!

Remember, Positronic Brain is not a role model. Some of the relationships tips included herein would cause a person to get hurt, expelled, arrested, possibly deported. To put it another way: Don't try this at home without the supervision of a professional or a very good lawyer.

 

[Positronic Brain]

Honorary Mentions

#122 Jonny Quest/Jessie Bannon (The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest)
#2 Wesley/Buttercup (Star Trek: The Next Generation / Powerpuff Girls)
#1 You/Your Girlfriend from Canada (Real life)

Top 50

#49 Christine/Sophie (Runes of Pandemonium)
#49 Oskar/Eli (Let The Right One In
#49 Takeo Goda/Rinko Yamato (My Love Story)
#49 Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe (Legends of Tomorrow)
#44 Yu/Yoko (Love Exposure)
#44 Yuko/Momo (The Demon Girl Next Door)
#44 Nick Charles/Nora Charles (The Thin Man)
#44 Sam Vymes/Sybil (Discworld)
#44 Sawyer/Juliet (Lost)
#42 Solid Snake/Otacon (Metal Gear Solid)
#42 Sophie/Howl (Howl's Moving Castle)
#37 Yota/Ai (Video Girl Ai)
#37 Howan/Himeko (Show By Rock!!)
#37 Wall-E/Eve (Wall-E)
#37 Anju/Kaifei (The Legend of Zelda's: Majora's Mask)
#37 Lord Peter Winsey/Harriet Vane (Lord Peter Wimsey)
#33 Suekichi/Aya (Dance Til Tomorrow)
#33 John Smith/Jane Smith (Mr. and Ms. Smith)
#33 Primrose/H'aanit (Octopath Traveler)
#33 Johnny/Moira (Schitt's Creek)
#29 WIlbur/Eliza (Slapstick)
#29 Rena/Yuki (Blue Reflection: Second Light)
#29 Kaguya/Miyuki (Kaguya-sama: Love is War)
#29 Paul/Hugh (Star Trek: Discovery)
#28 Tidus/Yuna (Final Fantasy X)
#27 Celes/Locke (Final Fantasy VI)
#26 Fran/Balthier (Final Fantasy XII)
#24 Leslie/Ben (Parks and Recreation)
#24 Han/Leia (Star Wars)
#23 Sheridan/Delenn (Babylon 5)
#22 Michiru/Haruka (Sailor Moon)
#21 Shovel Knight/Shield Knight (Shovel Knight)
#20 Kermit/Miss Piggy (The Muppets)
#19 Edelgard/Byleth (Fire Emblem: Three Houses)
#18 Homer/Marge (The Simpsons)
#17 Jim/Pam (The Office)
#16 Jake/Amy (Brooklyn 99)
#15 Utena/Anthy (Revolutionary Girl Utena)
#14 Maxim/Selan (Lufia)
#13 Maxim's Descendant/Lufia (Lufia)
#12 Cecil/Rosa (Final Fantasy IV)
#9 Max/Chloe (Live is Strange)
#9 Korra/Asami (Avatar: The Legend of Korra)
#9 David/Patrick (Schitt's Creek)
#8 Garnet | Sapphire/Ruby (Steven Universe)
#7 Elly/Fei (Xenogears)
#6 Peter/Mary-Jane (Spider-Man)
#5 Scott Free/Big Barda (Mr. Miracle)
#4 Clark/Lois (Superman)
#3 Eleanor/Chidi (The Good Place)
#2 Westley/Buttercup (The Princess Bride)
#1 Gomez/Morticia (The Addams Family)

 

[Torzelbaum]

Will this answer the grand question that has vexed the greatest poets and philosophers since
...
at least 1993?

 

[Positronic Brain]

We'll start with an honorary mention that I think will teach us an important lesson about relationships. Yep, it's time for the honorary Positronic's Favorite Relationship Nobody Else Voted For But It's His List So He'll Pretend This Is Of Interest For Everybody!

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#122

Jonny Quest/Jessie Bannon
20 points • 1 mentions • Highest rank: #16 (Positronic Brain)

Fandom: The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest
Relationship type: Friends and rivals, non-canon
AO3 Factor: 29
​

We all had a first ship, the one that dared us to take our maiden voyage into the treacherous Seas of Fandom. Ah, the shores I’ve seen, the wars I’ve fought! All those ships I’ve manned, some of them soaring proudly, some others sinking after crashing against the cliffs of Canon. But if there’s one ship that I will always keep close to my heart* it will be this one: Jonny Quest and Jessie Bannon from the Real Adventures of Jonny Quest.

Jonny and Jessie are the children of famed scientist Benton Quest and his bodyguard Race Bannon**. During their adventures they become best friends and rivals, trying to outperform the other but being there to help each other when they run into trouble (which happened fairly often, every week, in convenient thirty minute segments).

The cartoon had a troubled production cycle and two different production houses, one of which dedicated itself to undo every change in continuity the other had done. Like Episode IX, but with children cartoons. All that drama led to a quick death for the cartoon, but the fandom perdured, and it got to me at the critical stage where I discovered the Internet. Jonny Quest mailing lists where a staple in my inbox until 2000.

Man. I’m old.

What drew me to board this ship was that this was my first time meeting a competent female character who not only held her own against the male protagonist, sometimes outperformed him (and even had some spotlight episodes at his expense here and there). Jonny clearly had an interest in her borne out of respect and admiration and, while I didn’t have the words to explain that then, now I know that love born out of admiration it’s sexy as heck. I don’t regret the time I spent walking the decks of this trusty vessel, and I couldn’t have asked for a better first experience.

Good news, I’m out of nautical analogies. Sorry, had to get them out of my system.

Some good solid values to start a relationship are mutual respect, mutual admiration and having your parents cohabitate. Oh, and ignore any inconvenient incestual undertones.

---

Anyway, let’s see what other ships we can find in this tour, starting tomorrow.


* close at #16, natch
* not with each other, natch x 2

 

[Positronic Brain]

Will this answer the grand question that has vexed the greatest poets and philosophers since
...
at least 1993?

Yes.

(no, no worries, I'll start googling now and surely I'll have an answer by the time #1 rolls out)

 

[Torzelbaum]

AO3 Factor: 29

Hey, @Positronic Brain - is this the link that you meant to use?

Jessie Bannon/Jonathan "Jonny" Quest - Works | Archive of Our Own

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

archiveofourown.org

 

[Positronic Brain]

Hey, @Positronic Brain - is this the link that you meant to use?

Jessie Bannon/Jonathan "Jonny" Quest - Works | Archive of Our Own

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

archiveofourown.org

I don't know what you mean, it's been there all along.

(of course I had to slip somewhere in the links of the pilot post, it's tradition by now)

 

[Issun]

the images aren't loading for me for some reason.

 

[Johnny Unusual]

Same

 

[Positronic Brain]

Probably a permission issue. Yay! Care to try again?

 

[Johnny Unusual]

Looks good now.

 

[Issun]

There we go.

 

[Solitayre]

But did you ship Jonny with Green-shirt Jessie or Pink-shirt Jessie?

This is important.

 

[Positronic Brain]

But did you ship Jonny with Green-shirt Jessie or Pink-shirt Jessie?

This is important.

Hell, yes it is. Green.

 

[Solitayre]

I will never forgive how when they changed Jessie's character, they also gave her a pink shirt just to add insult to character assassination.

Real (adventures?) talk: I like both versions of the character but it's easy to see pink-shirt Jessie being a disaster if anyone but Jennifer Hale had been doing her voice. Green-shirt Jessie is confident and capable and Jonny mad respects her, but she's kind of just 'one of the guys.' Pink-shirt Jessie is much more feminized and this unfortunately translates to her being less capable and needing to be rescued a lot more often, but she also provides a more nuanced and textured emotional response to events that the other characters' don't give, and that probably has a place in an ensemble.

If Jonny Quest ever gets rebooted again (I'd like to see it, but man does this franchise have baggage) I'd like to see a version of Jessie that combined these qualities, letting her have more emotional beats than the other characters but not undercutting her capabilities.

Anyway, a lot of episodes seem to imply Jessie is way more into Hadji, so I think Jonny is out of luck.

 

[Solitayre]

Also, pink-shirt Jessie strands Jeremiah Surd in cyberspace, alone, unable to move or ever return to his real body, forever, which is by far the most savage thing any member of Team Quest has ever done to a bad guy. Green-shirt Jessie had a better average but Pink-shirt Jessie had the higher high.

When pink-shirt Jessie went hard, she went fucking hard.

 

[Positronic Brain]

Anyway, a lot of episodes seem to imply Jessie is way more into Hadji, so I think Jonny is out of luck.

Oh, man, I could speak for days on this. Literally. I mean, a fandom surviving years after the original two season long show dies, every single plot point gets dissected a thousand times.

Long story short - consensus was that pink!Jessie was more into Hadji while green!Jessie was more into Jonny, which makes sense since theur personalities are different too, because the two creative teams developed the idea of a female member of the quest team from different directions. And while both are valid, I always felt that green Season 1 Jessie was more groundbreaking for, you know, a cartoon.

Anyway, I'm gonna change the topic because it's time for our first entry in the Top 50. Because of the number of participants and the huge spread of votes, we had some huge ties at some places - we have four #49, guys. So here's the first one,

 

[Positronic Brain]

---

#49 (Tie)

Christine/Sophie
31 points • 1 mentions • Highest rank: #5 (q3)

Fandom: Runes of Pandemonium
Relationship type: Human cyborg relations
AO3 Factor: 0
​

I found very little of this ship - this is from a game that is the remake of another game and that has very little material available. So I asked q3 to describe what makes this relationship special, and he wrote back this:

A closeted trans woman from Earth and a depressed robot girl from a dystopian moon colony. After a mutually awkward meet cute, they encourage and support each other, go on insufferably adorable and occasionally sexy dates, engage in clandestine and occasionally sexy espionage, and help start a revolutionary war together. You know, typical couples stuff.

That sound positively heartwarming. Nothing like overthrowing the current government hand in hand with your loved one to cap a saturday night.

Dating a robot is not different to dating a carbon-based being. From the first stolen looks and awkward kisses to growing old together on a home built over the ruins of your enemies' ancient fortress, love will make it work as long as you remember to get the extended warranty.

---

 

[q 3]

Runes of Pandemonium is one of the most shockingly well written JRPG-type games I've ever encountered, and I am continually sad that it will never get the accolades it deserves due to being trapped in a niche within a niche within a niche.

 

[Positronic Brain]

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#49 (tie)

Oskar/Eli
31 points • 1 mentions • Highest rank: #5 (Kishi)

Fandom: Let The One Right One In
Relationship type: Vampire/non-snack!human
AO3 Factor: 7
​

So, vampires. We are used to think of them as sexy, but we have to remember they are also scary as heck - they drink blood, you know. They also tend to be very long lived, since they don’t age. So mix all that with a vampire trapped in the body of a 12-year old and you’ll get Let The Right One In - a book that has inspired a really great Swedish movie and a slightly more watered down American one.

This is the normal romance between a pre-teenage kid and said 12-year-old-going-into-a-hundred vampire. It sounds disturbing because it is - Eli, our vampire, is a predator with the mind of a pre-teen and the assistance of an adult human caretaker - so, yes, her own personal assistant/serial-killer. Eli can be cruel in her own inhumane way, but Oskar, our human protagonist, is shown to be capable of cruelty too, something that Eli encourages.

But Eli is also able to love - she and Oskar really care for each other, through thick and thin. They also bring out some of the good from each other, and that’s the source of a lot of the dissonance that makes the book and movies work and that lets this relationship shine - they really support each other, and they even do personal sacrifices to make the other person happy. Love brings the worst and the best of us, no matter if we are human or undead.

You might question the exact depth of Eli’s love (what will happen as Oskar grows old? There are some dark forebodings in these works about that) but love is love. And these kids are very much in love, and that’s what matters in the end.

While falling in love with a vampire sounds broodingly romantic, remember that it means renouncing to garlic for the rest of your relationship. Now that’s a test of true love.

---

 

[Falselogic]

No one and nothing can love you the way garlic does.

 

[Positronic Brain]

---

#49 (tie)

Takeo Goda/Rinko Yamato
31 points • 1 mentions • Highest rank: #5 (Johnny Unusual)

Fandom: Ore Monogatari/My Love Story
Relationship type: caries-inducing
AO3 Factor: 42

​

Ah, this one is a classic - the mismatched pair. He’s an imposing giant, she’s a cute gentle flower, and together they fight crime hold hands a lot.

My Love Story is a bit different to other romantic dramas because it is, relatively speaking, drama-free. Yes, there are misunderstandings and a couple love poligons, but they usually are either quickly cleared up or deal with - this is just a story about how two people fall in love and keep loving each other despite their differences.

It also has nice character work. Takeo is insecure because of his physical appearance and because his best friend is super-popular with girls, and he has to learn to love himself - but there’s a lot to love about him, as he’s really sweet and likes to help people. That’s what Rinko sees in him, and in fact meets him when he rescues her from a subway groper. The series traces their relationship as it grows and goes through all the milestones of a love story.

So yeah, they are sweet and wholesome and cute and surprisingly uncomplicated. Nice to have one of those couples around.

Relationships are not supposed to be all about drama .- if your relationship keeps having issues because of this, take a step back and reevaluate. You can try other genres, like thriller, slapstick comedy or horror, and see if those work better for you.

---

 

[Positronic Brain]

#49 (tie)

Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe
31 points • 1 mentions • Highest rank: #5 (Rascally Badger)

Fandom: Legends of Tomorrow
Relationship type: cop-and-robber
AO3 Factor: 3008
​

Oh great, a DC TV relationship. I can’t keep my Arrowverse straight.

No, that wasn’t a pun.

Let’s see…. From what I remember, Sara Lance used to be an Arrow regular and a member of the League of Assassins, but now she’s known as White Canary (not to be confused with Black canary, that's another show) and is part of the time traveling team starring in Legends of Tomorrow. There was a death and resurrection in the middle and some Lazarus pits in-between, I think? But hey, comic book shows.

In any case, if you have a ragtag band of time traveling anti-heroes, the time polica can’t be far. Ava Sharpe is a time cop (one of the good ones, apparently) and she doesn’t like the way Sara’s team tries to solve issues in the timeline, so they rub shoulders pretty often before they start respecting each other and eventually get to rub something else. There was a fake death and an alien kidnapping or something? Anyway, eventually they marry! Yay! And she stops being a cop! Double yay!

This relationship stands out for a couple reasons - for being a portrayal of semi-enemies-to-lovers that manages to go all the way and because it helps normalize LGBTQ relationships in prime time. The fandom, as you can see in that AO3 rating, can’t have enough of it.

Tip:

Meeting people is easier if you open yourself to the possibility of forming connections in more casual places - like the gym, or your book club, or on the run from a law enforcement organization (the later has the bonus that agents have already read your profile, making for a less awkward first date!)

---

 

[Issun]

I know it makes for a more representative Top 50 with more lists, but it's also cool to have one where everyone's Top 5 is guaranteed to make it in.

 

[Torzelbaum]

No one and nothing can love you the way garlic does.

Falselogic knows the score.

I know it makes for a more representative Top 50 with more lists, but it's also cool to have one where everyone's Top 5 is guaranteed to make it in.

If I had known that then I feel like I would have switched some of mine around. Makes me wonder if some of my later choices will even show up.

 

[Positronic Brain]

I know it makes for a more representative Top 50 with more lists, but it's also cool to have one where everyone's Top 5 is guaranteed to make it in.

Dammit, these mathematicians and their spoilers.

 

[Kirin]

Yeah, I'm now wishing I'd put even more weirdness in my top 5, lol. I *definitely* would've bumped by #6 up had I known, as the only other way it's getting in is if Wist got around to submitting a list.

 

[Johnny Unusual]

Goda is an adorable himbo in print, in animation or in live-action.

Even though the will they/won't they lasts three episode, the rest of the series is the gravy of watching them be sweet on each other and other people wondering what she sees in him come around to his humanity and occasional heroism. Plus, it turns out his sexy bestie seems like a cold playboy but then it turns out he keeps dropping the women he's dating because they keep talking shit about Goda behind his back and he's like "nope."

 

[Positronic Brain]

Time for today's first entry! Tiepalooza continues,

---

#44 (tie)

Yu/Yoko
32 points • 1 mentions • Highest rank: #4 (Kishi)

Fandom: Love Exposure
Relationship type: chaotic-good
AO3 Factor: 1​

I’m going to be frank - despite it being recommended to me, I never got around to watch Love Exposure, in part because I had problems finding it and in part because the idea of watching a 234 hour movie was a bit too daunting. But hey, being completely ignorant of a topic has never kept anybody from writing a book or a law against it, so why this should be any different?

So, let’s see, this is the love story between Yu, a serial panty shot photographer who saves Yoko while disguised as a woman named Miss Scorpion so Yoko falls in love with Miss Scorpion but doesn’t believe she’s him, and this made more complicated by a female cult leader masquerading as Miss Scorpion and inducting our protagonists’ families into her cult as a ploy to seduce Yu who needs to rescue Yoko from the cult but then he truly believes he’s Miss Scorpion and…

….

My god, and there’s subplots in this too,

I’m sure this flows smoother on the screen.

Er, anyway, what can we learn about this? That I should have sought this movie with the fervor with which Yu pursues Yoko, because all this sounds awesome.

In love, have no regrets - be impulsive, chase your dreams, have no regrets, don’t worry about the consequences s and don’t mention my name to the judge,

---

 

[Positronic Brain]

And entry two!

---

#44 (tie)

Yuko/Momo
32 points • 1 mentions • Highest rank: #4 (q3)

Fandom: The Demon Girl Next Door
Relationship type: best-enemies, non-canon
AO3 Factor: 15​

Imagine waking up one day with horns and a tail - turns out you’re the descendant of a demon clan, and you need to restore its honor by defeating the local Magical Girl. Does that sound like a recipe for romance or what?

The premise behind The Demon Girl Next Door is that these fated rivals are also friends. While Momo does honestly try to get a rivalry going, it quickly devolves into a mix of playful rivalry and supporting friendship, with just enough teasing that there could be more. These are nemesis (nemesiii? nemesises?) who actually look forward to meet each other in the fondest of ways.

As q3 said in this nomination,

Sometimes all a depressed magical girl really needs is a hapless cinnamon roll of a demon girl to be her killer master therapy animal girlfriend.

Amen.

Enemies are just rivals who haven’t kissed yet.

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