Oh noooooo it's spreadinnnnng
Welcome to Talking Time's third iteration! If you would like to register for an account, or have already registered but have not yet been confirmed, please read the following:
Once you have completed these steps, Moderation Staff will be able to get your account approved.
That sounds like something a Technivorm is made to do.Oh noooooo it's spreadinnnnng
Can you give us the gist of the article, since it's paywalledI'm not sure where else to put this but this seemed like the best worst place.
Boston Tech Startup Develops Worst Imaginable Way To Get A Cup Of Coffee | Defector
There’s a sort of inescapable wastefulness to having a cup of coffee, unless you happen to do your coffee drinking in the relatively narrow belt of the planet that supplies coffee beans to the whole rest of it. Here, where I am writing this blog, by the time any coffee beans arrive as grounds in […]defector.com
Their idea is, you take a flash-frozen puck of concentrated brewed coffee out of your freezer, you place it into a cup, you pour hot or cold water over it, and hey presto, it’s a cup of coffee. That does, indeed, sound very easy and convenient, up to that point. The sales pitch for this, according to the uncritical writeup it got in the Boston Globe, is as follows: “A flash-frozen coffee puck that yields a perfect cup, no experience or equipment required.”
Which is sort of a weird claim, I think! Or in any event, at least one of the following three words—”experience,” “equipment,” or “required”—is being used very weirdly in it.
In order to get to the point at which your freezer has a flash-frozen puck of concentrated brewed coffee in it, the coffee beans that make that concentrated brewed coffee have to have been shipped from their place of origin, almost certainly in the global south, to a special 70,000-square-foot Cometeer factory in Gloucester, Massachusetts. There they are brewed into coffee using “proprietary and patented coffee-brewing machines”—developed by “scientists from MIT, Apple, and Tesla,” no less—”that fill thousand-plus-square-foot rooms.” The resulting brew is analyzed by “coffee masters—armed with Princeton degrees and poached from companies like Blue Bottle and George Howell Coffee.” Then it is flash-frozen, immediately, at minus-321 degrees Fahrenheit, certainly using highly specialized technology and chemistry; packed into special “aluminum-made capsules”; and “dumped into liquid nitrogen to freeze the coffee compounds.” Then it’s packed into dry ice, to keep it frozen, and shipped around the world to people who want to drink coffee this way.
In other words, just to get to the point at which your freezer has a Cometeer-brand flash-frozen puck of concentrated brewed coffee in it, some number of coffee beans must be subjected to the absolute most sophisticated, technologized, circuitous, wasteful process for making coffee in the entire history of life of earth. More experience and equipment are required to create a cup of Cometeer coffee than any other halfway plausible cup of coffee, literally ever. (You can tell the MIT, Apple, and Tesla scientists and Princeton-educated coffee-masters did a good job of brewing your coffee with proprietary machinery in Gloucester, Mass., flash-freezing it in liquid nitrogen, packing it in dry ice, and shipping it to your home for you to store in your freezer, because it tastes like you spent five minutes making it yourself using techniques that predate the advent of antibiotics.)
The worst part is it's fucking Massachusetts. If you want convenience coffee in MA you go to the Dunkin Donuts next door. If you don't like that one, you go to the fucking Dunkin across the street. If that one's too much for you, then go to the one the next block down.
Seriously, go look up how many Dunkins there are around MIT