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What the heck is on this $10 Retro Game handheld? Let’s find out!

Beowulf

Son of The Answer Man
(He/Him)
Why there's even a mouse at all in a snakes game, I have no idea.

I love the idea that these are terrible band names.
 

RT-55J

space hero for hire
(He/Him + RT/artee)
Golgotha is, uh, quite the name for... well, any romhack really -- but especially for a hack of a game where bombs explode in the shape of a cross.
 

Beowulf

Son of The Answer Man
(He/Him)
279. FINAL MISSION

Nope, just Wrecking Crew.

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280. LOT LOT

You have two pointers, on controlled by each player (or one by the CPU) and you teleport the balls in each green segment between the segments each pointer is above. You try to get them into the high-scoring holes without the evil crab dropping them into the “out” hole.

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281. LUCKY BALL

I’m reasonably certain this is a hack of Pinball, with a few graphical changes. (Which might also explain some weird hitbox issues.)

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282. LUIGI AND CHRIST

Actually “Luigi and the Christmas Quest”, but boy, that menu item caught my attention. It’s another SMB hack, of course. It’s pretty extensive, actually: Some decent spritework, edited levels, the forward-shooting fireballs, climbing polls, and difficult gameplay but at least it doesn’t seem to rely on glitching your way through levels.

(Beowife and I had quite a time joking about what it meant for Hot Mario if Luigi was with Christ.)

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283. MACH RIDER

Technically the second time we’ve seen this, as it’s the original that Trump Tank (#143) was hacked from. It makes somewhat more sense as a futuristic morotcycle.
 

Kzinssie

(she/her)
What the hell, I just want frame by frame in that video and Christ Luigi's between frame for growing/shrinking has him turn into a snowman. Why. What a bizarre detail to include
 

Dracula

Plastic Vampire
(He/His)
"Final Mission" is the Famicom version of "S.C.A.T.," so I have to imagine that's what they meant to include in that slot. Maybe.
 

RT-55J

space hero for hire
(He/Him + RT/artee)
It's worth noting that the European version of Final Mission had yet another name: Action in New York.
 

Beowulf

Son of The Answer Man
(He/Him)
RetroFC_17_game_(26).png
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284. MAGIC EGG

So…magic eggs pop up to the dispenser in the back and land on the two platforms. Pressing A or B pops up a level on either side that hits the creature that emerges from the egg and makes them vanish. And you get points. I think you’re supposed to not destroy the stars? This is a Nice Code game also called Hitting.

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285. MAGIC MATHE MATI

This is actually a collection of games with different styles of math problems that you need to solve in different time limits. And the dialogue is in English, interestingly. Apparently it was an unlicensed game, but I can’t find a lot of actual details about it.

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286. MAGMAX

A side-scrolling shooter with the gimmick that your Magmax ship is part of a combining mecha and you can find heads, legs and guns to add to your loadout.

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287. COMBATA


You’re a little ninja climbing a tower and fighting gorillas. It’s really hard to tell what is and isn’t a platform and the controls and jump physics are really wonky. This is apparently a hack of Ninja Kun: Majou no Bouken (aka Ninja Kid) that commonly appears on bootleg devices.

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288. MECCANO

You’re given a basket of shapes to build pictures out of. (Via click-and-drag with a mouse pointer.) If you finish a picture, you move on to the next one. It’s by Nice Code.
 

Beowulf

Son of The Answer Man
(He/Him)
It's... fine? I feel like it has a reputation as kusoge, but it's honestly not bad enough to be funny but not good enough to merit a really lengthy revisiting.
Yeah, that was the feel I got from it: Great concept, kinda middling, run-of-the-mill side scrolling shooter. If it was 1986, I'd have a fantastic time showing off the robot form to my friends, but three weeks later the novelty would be gone.
 

Beowulf

Son of The Answer Man
(He/Him)
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289. MEIKUN

I had thought there was a game called Mei-Kun, but I’m not sure where I got that idea. This is Milon’s Secret Castle, and game I’m very interested in but terrible at, because Milon gets no mercy invincibility or knockback and dies very easily. I’m guessing the menu title is from the Japanese name Meikyū Kumikyoku: Milon no Daibōken. I’m tempted to either play this on a different system with cheat codes, or try out the Game Boy version, which I’ve heard is more playable.

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290. CONQUEROR

Hah! It’s a hack of Circus Charlie! Also the fifth time we’ve seen that.

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291. METRO CROSS

Futuristic runner game, in the literal sense—you’re running and jumping through a factory, trying to avoid obstacles and slowing areas to reach the end before time runs out. (The Moby Games article claims you’re skating, but I’m not sure I believe that from the animation.)

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292. METRO MENIA


A straightforward but primitive racing game: Reach the end, don’t crash into things, don’t run out of fuel. I couldn’t figure out if any of the collectables actually gave you more fuel, though. This is a hack of a game called Hot Racing, which in turn is a bootleg clone of Road Fighter.

293. MANSTER CLUB

Another Wrecking Crew! That's six of them.
 

Peklo

Oh! Create!
(they/them, she/her)
Metro-Cross rules and the main theme stands out even in a career as illustrious as Nobuyuki Ohnogi's. The Famicom port adapts it well, but its greatest tribute came about in Noby Noby Boy.
 

Beowulf

Son of The Answer Man
(He/Him)
RetroFC_18_game_(9).png
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294. MICKEY MOUSE

I believe this is the Japanese version of Mickey Mousecapade, because we were due for another real, half-decent game. (Apparently the bosses were different and some other sprites were changed in localization.) You need to maneuver both Mickey and Minnie, which is awkward and requires care. You dodge enemies, and collect keys that let you unlock doors.

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295. MIGHTY BOMB JACK

This is another game where a manual would have really helpful in figuring out what the hell I was doing. (Jack has different abilities when he changes colors.) This wasn’t released in the US until long after the NES era, though I feel like I’ve heard about it from a bunch of fronts. (Wasn’t it added to the Switch Online NES catalogue fairly recently?)

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296. TOY FACTORY

Collect the balls that fall from above in the correct bins, but be careful to make sure the bombs go into the recycling bin or you’ll lose a life. It’s by Nice Code, and was also published as Fruit Tree.

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297. TRACK FIELD

Ah, listen to that Chariots of Fire! We saw the Japanese version of this back as Hyper Olympic (#8).

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298. TRANSFORMERS

I love Transformers; I kind of hate this game. (And this game definitely hates me.) But that’s okay, because our awesome buddy Dracula did a Let’s Play of it! (The LP is really good and the first post accurately depicts my first experience with the game.)
 

FelixSH

(He/Him)
There is a great Deptford comic about Might Bomb Jack, somewhere in the archives of TT 2.0. I wish I had any idea where he did post it.
 

WildcatJF

Let's Pock (Art @szk_tencho)
(he / his / him)
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294. MICKEY MOUSE

I believe this is the Japanese version of Mickey Mousecapade, because we were due for another real, half-decent game. (Apparently the bosses were different and some other sprites were changed in localization.) You need to maneuver both Mickey and Minnie, which is awkward and requires care. You dodge enemies, and collect keys that let you unlock doors.

Yep, the two versions are pretty different! The Japanese title took a lot of cues from Alice in Wonderland, and during localization Capcom removed a lot of those for ......far more random things as my article points out, haha.

Track and Field is actually two Japanese carts stitched together. You get Hyper Olympic and Hyper Sports on the NES version, probably to make it more appealing (double the events!).
 

Beowulf

Son of The Answer Man
(He/Him)
Are you sure you're not confusing this with another game? Because Mighty Bomb Jack was released for NES in 1987.
...I must be. I have no memory of Might Bomb Jack from my youth, but my memory is also not known to be, y'know, good.
 

Torzelbaum

????? LV 13 HP 292/ 292
(he, him, his)
Maybe you never played it in your youth because I feel like if you had ever tried to play it then you would remember it
 
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