Video Games? What are you talking about? The video games burned down twenty years ago this very night!
We're kicking things off with a game I don't really have any particular expectations for, but which definitely wins the coveted title of "Video Game with the Most Fun Title" this week; Will You Snail? It's a masocore platformer with procedurally generated levels that adapt to your playstyle as you play it. Like Warning Forever, except jumpy instead of shooty.
And more importantly, it's called "Will You Snail?"
The other new release this week is another one I am including for the largely selfish reason that it's really easy to pick out what Simpsons gif best fits with it. It's Grand Mountain Skiiing and Snowboarding, and it's Skifree, but much nicer looking and vastly more expensive. And the eShop doesn't mention Yetis, but they're leaving money on the table if there aren't any.
Next up is something that would be a contender for my pick of the week, but this week has more competition than average, so... here we are; Chocobo GP (available in both Free to Play and Expensive to Play formats) is the glorious return of my favorite Mario Kart alternative! Or at least my favorite before Sonic All Star Transformed came out. No shame in getting a bronze medal!
Anyway, it's a series wide Final Fantasy homage as all the sad sword boys strap themselves into go-carts and shoot magical lightning at each other while a cartoon bird zips by. Most importantly, Steiner is a playable character, so every other slot in the menu is basically just wasted space. Just feels like wasted resources, honestly.
Aztech is definitely the game I'm most jazzed for this week, and one I've been looking at and going "Oh heeeeeeeeey" ever since it was first revealed. You're a lady with a big techno-fist living in a futuristic Mesoamerican technopolis, and a real hankerin' to rewrite some bibles by PUNCHING EVERY GOD TO DEATH
From the trailer, I'm not quite sure if this is a Devil May Cry or a Zelda, or maybe splitting the difference like a Darksiders, but I do know it's got a lady with a Hellboy-sized hand knocking Quetzalcoatl's teeth down his throat. So either way, I'm completely on board here.
Potato Flowers in Full Bloom is a first person dungeon crawler where you've got yourself a bunker full of precious tater-seeds and even more full of DEADLY MONSTERS and have to get yourself a party of doughty heroes to go get them taters from the basement.
Art style is nice; like it the low-poly look to everything.
Republique is a re-release of a celebrated (I think?) sneaks-em-up where you'd a console cowboy helping keep an imprisoned gal out of the hoosegow by commandeering the security systems of a futuristic super-prison. As is appropriate for a stealth action game, David Hayter (star of Mobile Suit Gundam: War in the Pocket, and writer of one of the X-Men movies) is on hand to provide voice overs. As is Jennifer Hale, Rena Strober and Dwight Schultz, but that feels less narratively relevant.
Anyway, learn an important lesson about why living in a surveillance state is bad while exploiting the fact that you're living in a surveillance state to save the day!
Speaking of desperately trying to survive in a grim dystopia; Ashwalkers! This one is about the world having been volcano'd to death, so... you know... that's not a common post apocalypse, at least. It's got that going for it.
Timeloader is a puzzlatformer where you're a little erecter-set robot tasked with travelling back to the scenic 1990s and preventing a personal tragedy. Except that the guy what built that robot never saw The Butterfly Effect so things keep getting worse. WHOOPS! Good news is that, once again, picking a Simpson gif is the easiest thing in the world!
Young Souls is the other game I'm most Deeply Jazzed for this week, and it's not even the game I'm most excited for in its under-represented genre this month! It's a beat-em-up where a pair of twins find themselves lost in a GOBLIN WORLD, and have no choice but to inflict a million newtons of TERMINAL JUSTICE through the sternums of every damn Goblin standing between them and their dad. It looks to have a good chunk of Dragon Crown in its DNA, but without the horny.
.hack//GU Last Recode is a gussied up single-game remake of four out of the eight entries of the super ambitious PS2 multi-media franchise that was also two concurrent anime series and attendant manga, none of which I believe are included with this.
I think I got all that straight.
Anyway, it beat Sword Art Online to the punch by at least a decade and did a more convincing job of suggesting that this was a Fake Real MMO than that game did, even if it's genuinely baffling that The World ever became a popular MMO even before it was revealed that it was murdering people with computer-virus cthulhus.
I'm told that GU is a much better experience than the original .hack// series, at least. Either way, play a video game where you pretend to play a different video game
And speaking of re-releases, we have the most significant one by far as well; the surprise release of Chex Quest! The Doom.wad file included with cereal, now gussied up to... umm... 2002 standards. Use the power of brand synergy and cereal to defeat evil space goo-monsters. It's advertainement at its most... present.
AND YET, my request for a re-release of MC Kids falls on deaf ears!
We're kicking things off with a game I don't really have any particular expectations for, but which definitely wins the coveted title of "Video Game with the Most Fun Title" this week; Will You Snail? It's a masocore platformer with procedurally generated levels that adapt to your playstyle as you play it. Like Warning Forever, except jumpy instead of shooty.
And more importantly, it's called "Will You Snail?"
The other new release this week is another one I am including for the largely selfish reason that it's really easy to pick out what Simpsons gif best fits with it. It's Grand Mountain Skiiing and Snowboarding, and it's Skifree, but much nicer looking and vastly more expensive. And the eShop doesn't mention Yetis, but they're leaving money on the table if there aren't any.
Next up is something that would be a contender for my pick of the week, but this week has more competition than average, so... here we are; Chocobo GP (available in both Free to Play and Expensive to Play formats) is the glorious return of my favorite Mario Kart alternative! Or at least my favorite before Sonic All Star Transformed came out. No shame in getting a bronze medal!
Anyway, it's a series wide Final Fantasy homage as all the sad sword boys strap themselves into go-carts and shoot magical lightning at each other while a cartoon bird zips by. Most importantly, Steiner is a playable character, so every other slot in the menu is basically just wasted space. Just feels like wasted resources, honestly.
Aztech is definitely the game I'm most jazzed for this week, and one I've been looking at and going "Oh heeeeeeeeey" ever since it was first revealed. You're a lady with a big techno-fist living in a futuristic Mesoamerican technopolis, and a real hankerin' to rewrite some bibles by PUNCHING EVERY GOD TO DEATH
From the trailer, I'm not quite sure if this is a Devil May Cry or a Zelda, or maybe splitting the difference like a Darksiders, but I do know it's got a lady with a Hellboy-sized hand knocking Quetzalcoatl's teeth down his throat. So either way, I'm completely on board here.
Potato Flowers in Full Bloom is a first person dungeon crawler where you've got yourself a bunker full of precious tater-seeds and even more full of DEADLY MONSTERS and have to get yourself a party of doughty heroes to go get them taters from the basement.
Art style is nice; like it the low-poly look to everything.
Republique is a re-release of a celebrated (I think?) sneaks-em-up where you'd a console cowboy helping keep an imprisoned gal out of the hoosegow by commandeering the security systems of a futuristic super-prison. As is appropriate for a stealth action game, David Hayter (star of Mobile Suit Gundam: War in the Pocket, and writer of one of the X-Men movies) is on hand to provide voice overs. As is Jennifer Hale, Rena Strober and Dwight Schultz, but that feels less narratively relevant.
Anyway, learn an important lesson about why living in a surveillance state is bad while exploiting the fact that you're living in a surveillance state to save the day!
Speaking of desperately trying to survive in a grim dystopia; Ashwalkers! This one is about the world having been volcano'd to death, so... you know... that's not a common post apocalypse, at least. It's got that going for it.
Timeloader is a puzzlatformer where you're a little erecter-set robot tasked with travelling back to the scenic 1990s and preventing a personal tragedy. Except that the guy what built that robot never saw The Butterfly Effect so things keep getting worse. WHOOPS! Good news is that, once again, picking a Simpson gif is the easiest thing in the world!
Young Souls is the other game I'm most Deeply Jazzed for this week, and it's not even the game I'm most excited for in its under-represented genre this month! It's a beat-em-up where a pair of twins find themselves lost in a GOBLIN WORLD, and have no choice but to inflict a million newtons of TERMINAL JUSTICE through the sternums of every damn Goblin standing between them and their dad. It looks to have a good chunk of Dragon Crown in its DNA, but without the horny.
.hack//GU Last Recode is a gussied up single-game remake of four out of the eight entries of the super ambitious PS2 multi-media franchise that was also two concurrent anime series and attendant manga, none of which I believe are included with this.
I think I got all that straight.
Anyway, it beat Sword Art Online to the punch by at least a decade and did a more convincing job of suggesting that this was a Fake Real MMO than that game did, even if it's genuinely baffling that The World ever became a popular MMO even before it was revealed that it was murdering people with computer-virus cthulhus.
I'm told that GU is a much better experience than the original .hack// series, at least. Either way, play a video game where you pretend to play a different video game
And speaking of re-releases, we have the most significant one by far as well; the surprise release of Chex Quest! The Doom.wad file included with cereal, now gussied up to... umm... 2002 standards. Use the power of brand synergy and cereal to defeat evil space goo-monsters. It's advertainement at its most... present.
AND YET, my request for a re-release of MC Kids falls on deaf ears!
