A Winner is You! or Let's Bite Some Heads! - A Pro Wrestling Story

Well, Jim Ross didn't sign a renewal with WWE....

In speedrun related news, someone beat the game in 6 minutes flat.

Granted, it's not interesting in the least to watch.

- Eddie

My guess is that he tool assisted, the control scheme just isn't precise enough to ensure when you grapple you'll win it and then do the correct throw.

Otherwise, yeah throwing out of the ring is the quickest way to beat someone. When I was defending the title that's about all I did. The difficulty ramps up and its the easiest way to take opponents down.

No, there was no tool assisting. Perhaps turbo controller assisting, but Speed Demos Archive doesn't do emulator runs. That 6:00 run is as legit as his 5:00 speedrun of Super Mario Bros.

If he was doing it Tool assisted he would have gotten 5:92 or whatever the lowest theoretical time is.

- Eddie

Okay after all the debate, and I knowing absolutely nothing about any of the wrestlers mentioned we're going to go with Killer Khan as the inspiration for the terrible wrestler known as Kin Corn Karn:



Killer Khan is/was a real wrestler though. This is apparently how they do it in Korea where Kin is supposed to be from:



That's WWE too, I can only imagine how bad it was before they got there...

Anyways, Kin Corn Karn doesn't have cool moves like every other wrestler in the game does. Instead he gets the karate chop and the karate kick:



Those two moves replace the basic punch and kick that every other wrestler shares! Kin has nothing else going for him. But because I feel sorry for him I'll post this one time where I actually managed to do something cool with him, a belly-to-back suplex:



It should come as no surprise to anyone that The AMAZON mopped the mat with this guy. Here are the highlights:



It wasn't a complete waste of the fan's time Kin did get a few moves in:



But, we all knew how this was going to end before it started didn't we?




With Kin Carn Korn on a plane back to Seoul the Amazon is ranked 2nd, his next opponent?

We here at VWA corporate headquarters and I, your host, falselogic, take the complaints, concerns, requests, and even the ravings of our rabid fans quite seriously!

Which is why I'm happy to present the first in a series of bonus videos with commentary by the one, the only, Joey Pink!

This first video has Mr. Pink commentating solo but he'll soon be joined by a second commentator!

Only the best, only VWA!

The Amazon vs. Starman Shakedown at the Madison!

This commentary is excellent! I wonder who will be joining our intrepid Joey Pink for the commentary on the next thrilling match?

Surprise! It's me! I am the man known as Joey Pink!

Nah, it's just some generic Korean promotion (WW*A*, looks like).

WWE's ran a few shows in Korea, but generally it's not worth their trouble. They've pulled back on a lot of Asian touring in general, actually, since the precipitous decline in popularity of wrestling in Japan has made it tougher for them to get cable deals, and it's not worth flying out for just Korean shows alone.

Update coming tonight!

Giant Panther will one day die of skin cancer. I mean look at the guy! He's at least 5 to 6 shades darker than every other wrestler in the game. Too much time spent at Venice Beach, I suppose.

Anyway, the big lug's got two signature moves:

The Headbutt:



and the IRON CLAW:



That's some impressive arm strength right there, he's single-handedly lifting that guy off the ground and shaking him!

Will this muscle-hero be able to take on THE AMAZON? My money is on, no.



So far this match Mr. Panther has been something of a pushover. Even worse he's not even doing any moves, that's no way to win the crowd over.



THE AMAZON moves in for the kill, but Giant Panther still seems to have some life in him, the arm comes up and he throws the mysterious stranger off of him:



The brutality continues!



Mercifully, THE AMAZON puts an end to the massacre:



Next match is for the title!

Now let's see how it happened in real-life back in 1984! I have a feeling that the "bad guy" wasn't as lucky then:

Before we go any further let me introduce you to the inspiration for King Slender the original Nature Boy Ric Flair!



There are several excellent examples of Ric Flair in action. I picked this one of Flair vs. Steamboat, the two had a storied, long running fued, in 1988:



King Slender has the full compliment of generic wrestling moves, which means he can do the belly to back suplex (which we haven't seen because the Amazon can't do it and none of the others have tried.):



and the Back Breaker:



Now that you've been introduced to him let see how he does against the Man(?) from No Where. The AMAZON!

Let's Get Ready to RUMBLE!

The Amazon comes out strong with a kick to the face and Slender hits the mat! Slender isn't going to be happy about the bruise that's going to leave!



King wastes no time wrecking vengeance upon the Amazon dropping him into a brainbuster! Amazon takes it hard, but wait Slender isn't done yet he picks the mutant off the mat.. What's this? the Amazon slides out of Slender's grasp and goes for a hold and its a vicious chomp to the skull! King goes down!



Amazon picks King up and throws him against the ropes, its an irish whip and a closeline but Slender ducks under! Slides up and delivers yet another brain buster, the Amazon's head must be killing him right now!



Slender picks Amazon up of the mat again toss him out of the ring?! What this? He's backing up and raining! King Slender has launched himself out of the ring and right onto the Amazon's ribs!



King Slender is trashing the Amazon tonight folks! Everyone came in here tonight expecting the Amazon to continue his reign of terror and make Slender just another casualty on his trek towards the VWA championship belt!

Join us after this commercial break!

Welcome back everyone! We last left you with the Amazon out of the ring and king slender delivering a vicious flying splash! Amazon has got to be reeling from the pain people! No human could take this kind of punishment... but then no one ever said that freak was human!

and he clearly isn't folks as the Amazon is back in the ring?! Not even the beating King Slender is delivering tonight can keep the Amazon from the title it seems! Amazon grabs Slender and its another bite to the head! The blood really seems to be flowing now! Slender goes down, and its Amazon from the posts, and a double knee drop to Slender's gut!



Amazon has Slender on his feet again and he's lifting him up! Slender is in the air and body slammed right out of the ring! The audience is eating it up tonight! The Amazon is out of the ring now and the Referee is giving the 20 count! Slender seems to have some sort of concussion he's just rolling around on the ground. The Amazon is back in the ring just waiting for it to end. What's this? Slender is up! He's heading back to the ring but it doesn't look like he's going to make it! Amazon is laughing at the King, mocking him, as he struggles to pull himself in 18, 19, 20!




That is it my friends this match is over! In a stunning turn of events Slender has been dethroned and the Amazon wins the VWA title!



Next up! Defending the title (or when things get difficult!) Videos should be coming in soon, commentators have lives too!

On the road to Great Puma!

In order to see the secret character in Pro Wrestling you have to defend your title for 10 rounds. That's two fights against each of the other wrestlers. That's a lot of boring pictures!

Or just two videos with occasional commentary. This is just me commentating. It's more about what I'm doing and why rather than being an announcer. Though for the final match against Puma (which is a really good match) I'll do commentary!

here it is without further ado:

Stupid Japanese rules. TITLES DON'T CHANGE HANDS ON A COUNTOUT OR DISQUALIFICATION.

I know, right? What the hell? Not to mention, even if there was a stipulation by which King Slender could've lost his title on that, what about his rematch clause? He deserves first crack at the Amazon's title!

He gets a chance at it! Twice!

Since we're going to be seeing it over the next couple of matches, this is where I re-iterate that Wrestlemania 2000 forgot to turn on the "no countouts" flag in career mode, making it astonishingly easy to progress through the game once you had a title.

I don't know what Wrestlemania did but Nintendo certainly forgot about it! Below you'll fine the second part of Amazon's defense of the VWA title. This time without any of my unnecessary commentary. I thought about it but there isn't much to add to my attempts to throw wrestlers out of the ring and then slam them up against the barricades for a little bit before slipping back into the ring seconds before the 20 count.

Enjoy it for what it is. Imagine a lot more blood though...



But first! Who is Great Puma? As, Shakewell said awhile back he's based on Tiger Mask and Tiger Mask two:



Click the link to see a match between the original Tiger Mask and Inoki

So, now on to the main event! In the history of great title matches! Live from the Cow Palace in San Francisco the VWA/VWF Title Match between Great Puma and the Amazon! Commentary tonight provided by Shakewell and Stiv, promotion consideration by Falselogic's patient friends and family!





And there's are (anti) hero with both titles and that's the end of it folks!

In the end Pro Wrestling doesn't have much going for it. Every character has one or two unique moves that possible replace some of the generic moves. Grappling is automatic and pulling of your moves is wholly dependent on how fast you can mash the A or B button. Against the AI, especially in later Defense matches a rapidfire button is necessary, the game just isn't fun without it. As a two player game it can still be a bit of fun, especially if you and your opponent are a little drunk or otherwise handicapped mentally. It mostly has nostalgia going for it...


Oh, and the Amazon, it has him too.

So Talking Tyrants what do you want, more wrestling or should we let this old game rest in peace?

Both! Do Mat Mania or something next.

Tecmo World Wrestling, which is this game with the advantage of being, you know, awesome.

Or just do Wrestlefest, because lord knows I'd be able to riff on those matches for weeks.

Before we move on to game's other than Pro Wrestling I think we have to visit the other Pro Wrestling... Sega Master System's Pro Wrestling...


This should be interesting.

That game sounds terrible. TerribLY AWESOME!

I love that the entire crowd appears to be paralyzed with wide-eyed horror at what they're seeing.

In order to bring you guys the very best... Anyone have any recos for a SMS emulator that doesn't require a two key shortcut for a screencapture and/or outputs video?

The two I have seem to want to make it intentionally difficult to do.

I would've put this match behind that link. It's considered one of the best matches of the '80s.

DYNAMITE-OOOOO *inhale* KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID-O!

Sorry it took so long to get back to this... Life has a way of getting in the way of... life? Something like that. Anyway


PRO WRESTLING for the Master System

is terrible



Seeing as I never owned a Master System and never knew anyone who did... I have no experience with this game whatsoever. Good thing we have GameFAQS! Turns out though that that wasn't much help either as I was unable to do any of the moves described in the FAQ or even tag my partner into the ring... Here is what I did do:

Picked the Mad Soldiers:



Fought against the Orient Express:



I mashed Button 1 and Button 2:



The CPU mashed his buttons too (more effectively than I did):



(He even managed to tag his partner in)

Then inexplicably after only taking a punch or two got 3 counted out...?



Then I won:


I wasn't about to do this 9 more times though and then another 20 times with the other two teams...

Please someone suggest something good for me next?

Mad Soldiers = Road Warriors. Had to post this. Heh heh... "Exlax Luger."

Also, you should play Tag Team Wrestling next. It's totally awesome (not really).

Is there a real-world basis for the bearded guy on the Orient Express? Other than actual cavemen, I mean.

He looks a lot like Mick Foley but this would be before he was wrestling as Mick Foley...