He knows about timed hits! Let's play Super Mario RPG!

Knife Guy won't hand over the Bright Card until you win his game 12 times. It's pretty simple, but it can take a while — Knife Guy deducts losses from your total. Ignore the red and try to follow the yellow ball: Whichever hand it's nearest when Knife Guy stops juggling is the one that has it. Knife Guy is pretty erratic about when he stops, so don't blink or you might miss it.



The prizes Knife Guy hands out are mostly the same sorts of crap: Healing items that are weaker than even the weakest stuff you can buy in stores. Wilt Shrooms heal 10 HP, Rotten Mush ("Eeew, it's rotten!") heals 5, and Moldy Mush heals only 1.



Winning 12 times nets you the Bright Card, which is one-half of the criteria for entering the Casino. (The other half is simply finding it.) Nintendo Power claimed that winning 100 times would win a Red Essence, but how do you even go about verifying something like that? I mean, they could just as easily claim that if you won 100 times the Princess would take off all her clothes and spend the rest of the game naked, and no one would ever be able to disprove it.



Back on track. We return to Monstro Town and begin making our way back up to the surface, through Belome's Temple. First, though, we take a little detour to the dead end that leads away from Monstro Town.



The dead end is Belome's vault, which contains a veritable mountain of riches. Belome is willing to step aside in exchange for the yummy-looking Temple Key we retrieved in Monstro Town, so we hand it over and loot the place of its four flowers, eight Frog Coins, Max Mushroom, Royal Syrup, and Fire Bomb.



Deep in the caves, the star salesman we met before offers to find us a better star if we come back later. We could actually get it right now by leaving and reentering, but it costs 800 coins, and we're going to have to replace our armor and weapons in the near future, so we'll return for it later.



At the cliff, the Sky Troopas appear and take their positions. If we jump on a shell, it will begin moving slowly towards the next shell, at which point we can jump to it and proceed up the cliff. This requires timing: Jump too early and you'll bang your head against a higher shell and fall, jump too late and it takes forever.



Sergeant Flutter hands out prizes the quicker you make it up the cliff. The first time you beat eleven seconds he hands over a Troopa Pin, and every time thereafter, five Frog Coins. A forget what the Troopa Pin does. I assume it's something.



On to Bean Valley!



Hidden treasure chest count: 31/39

Bean Valley is a short, red area populated mostly by pipes and rejects from Land's End. There are a few pipes that lead to dead ends, as well as a hidden treasure chest, but this first area is fairly straightforward.



This unassuming group of five pipes is actually one of the more treasure-heavy places in the game. Occasionally, a Shy Away will fly by and water one of these plants, turning it into an enemy. If you defeat that enemy, you can then explore the pipe it's guarding.



The first pipe is quite a large area. It contains a few interesting things, including a Frog Coin, a spring leading to a chest containing a flower...

Hidden treasure chest count: 32/39

...a hidden treasure chest...



And Box Boy. Box Boy is by far the most dangerous of the four chest monsters, using powerful spells like Water Blast, Boulder, and Blast to devastate your characters. And unlike Pandorite and Hidon, he doesn't even give you anything for killing him.



He does release the genie Fautso, however. Unfortunately for it, it's succeptible to Geno Whirl.






Defeating Box Boy earns us a whole gaggle of level ups. Geno hits level 20, and Mario, Mallow, and Bowser all reach level 18, learning their final spells in the process. None of these spells are that useful; I will probably never cast any of them.



Also in these little pipe areas are slot machine boxes. When you open them, you play this little slot machine game, which rapidly switches between Mushroom, Flower, or Star. If you get two out of three Mushrooms, you get a Mushroom; Flower, a flower; Star, a Rock Candy. Get one of each and you earn a rematch with Box Boy.

Note also that in one of its many errors, the Nintendo Power guide insisted that there was a hidden treasure chest in this room. This is of course completely wrong...



Hidden treasure chest count: 33/39

...because it's actually in this room instead.



The most important pipe in this area is the northernmost one. This is because if you head to this precise spot and jump, you reveal the path to Grate Guy's Casino.

(Note that this platform is notoriously buggy; it can be difficult to make it appear. Sometimes you'll hear the sound but the platform won't appear, sometimes the exit will appear but the platform won't, sometimes the platform won't be there, but then you'll come out of battle and it will be. Just keep trying.)



Grate Guy's Casino is a tremendously disappointing area given all the hype. Despite its stylishly-dressed bouncers, there are only three games to play here, none of which give good odds and two of which only offer Frog Coins as prizes, which are so common as to be nearly worthless.



The slot machine costs ten coins for one round at a game similar to the one found in Bean Valley. In this version, however, you have to match all three to win, and any other combination gets you nothing. You can blow well over 100 regular coins for each Frog Coin you win, and they're just not worth that much.



You can also bet a Frog Coin against the house to play a rigged game of Blackjack with the dealer. For a deck with no faces, you seem to draw tens an irritatingly high amount of the time, and the dealer gets 20 or 21 almost every time. If you draw, you lose your Frog Coin. If you and the dealer both go over 21, you lose your Frog Coin. Don't even bother with it.

The only game of worth in the Casino is offered by Grate Guy himself, after talking to him a few times. "Look the Other Way" is evidently a Japanese concept; I've seen it in a few anime as sort of an eastern alternative to rock-paper-scissors. You pick a direction to look, and if Grate Guy points in the other direction, you win. Most of the time Grate Guy offers the same sorts of "prizes" as his brother, Rotten Mush and suchlike trash, but every so often he'll forget himself and give you a useful item like a Royal Syrup or a Kerokero Cola. That's not why you play, though. You play because if you win 100 times, Grate Guy will give you the Star Egg, which deals 100 damage to every enemy on the screen (150 if Geno Boosted) and never gets used up. This fantastically useful spam item can only be found here.

...It's almost depressing how many hours of my life I've wasted trying to find a way to cheat at Look the Other Way. The younger, more idealistic me simply could not believe that Square would force the player to bang his head endlessly against a wall of randomness to get one of the more useful items in the game. Grate Guy had to have a pattern, or a tell — something that would let you beat him consistently. For many years I toyed with the idea that if you pressed a direction on the control pad before Grate Guy prompted you, he would "read" it and select that direction. It turns out, though, that it is purely random: You have no choice but to play until you've stumbled into enough wins that Grate Guy will hand over the Egg.

It took me, no fooling, about half an hour of solid Look the Other Way to get the Egg, and that's pretty standard. That might not sound like too much, but consider that the entire time is spent looking at the following three screens and you'll begin getting an idea...



Really, if this game required any skill at all I wouldn't even bother with it, but all it requires is patience, and I have nothing if not that.



The Star Egg is definitely worth it, though. If you're so inclined you can simply spam this item every turn for the rest of the game, but Geno Blast is actually faster in most cases. The Egg does replace the Princess's regular attack as her default mode of attack, however, and if you haven't beaten Jinx yet the Egg turns him into a snap (since you just need to use it ten times and he's dead, no matter what he does).



One last stop before we get back to questing. Since the Bright Card, for some incomprehensible reason, is a regular item and not a Special one, it's chewing up a slot in our inventory. We could sell it, but then we'd never be able to get it back (and Knife Guy will never give us another one). So, instead, I like to visit this guy, in Marrymore. He'll give you ten Frog Coins for the Card, but more importantly he'll allow you to buy it back for 15 if for some reason you feel the urge to visit the Casino again. I never do, but I like to have the option.



The boss here, located just beyond the five pipes, is a Pirahna Plant-like enemy called Smilax. Shy Away constantly waters the plant during the fight, producing first one head, then two, then three. Geno Flash will wipe out the heads in one shot at this level, but regular attacks work well as well. The heads use status effects and fire, but have only a small amount of HP, so they go down quickly.



After defeating the three heads, Shy Away will water it one last time, producing two smaller heads and the giant Megasmilax. The small heads go down just as quickly as before, but Megasmilax requires a little more killing.



Megasmilax attacks often, but its most dangerous move is the Petal Blast spell. This spell, in addition to dealing heavy damage, transforms all characters into mushrooms, so be ready with Trueform Pins. Megasmilax and its brood use other status effects as well, but mushroom is by far the most debilitating, so protect yourself against it first.



Megasmilax's defenses are weak, however, and it will die to a handful of regular attacks.



Shy Away becomes extremely distressed after you've finished trimming Megasmilax. Eventually he opts to bail, dropping the Seed the Gardener in Rose Town is after. We could pick it up now, but like the Bright Card it's a regular item and not a Special one, so it's just waste of space. We'll come back for it once we have the Fertilizer.



In the next room, hitting a block causes a magical beanstalk to sprout. We climb it and make for the skies.

This area has no name that I'm aware of — it's simply considered part of Bean Valley — but most fans call it the Hanging Gardens. You have to climb these twisty vines to make it to Nimbus Land.



Mario RPG's parallax perspective is mostly harmless, but here is the only area in the game where it's a real problem. These vine sprites lack any sense of perspective, so it's difficult to tell where you should aim your jumps. More than one reviewer has proclaimed this section the absolute low point in the game, the only place where Mario RPG's camera betrays it. This area really wants to be in 3-D, but the SNES doesn't have the technical chops for it.

That said, it's more difficult than it needs to be because many players don't bother to look around. For example, take this enemy right here. If you fight him...



...He transforms into a platform, allowing you to make an easier jump. There are several enemies like this in this area, and a few hidden platforms besides.



Like so. Like I said, this area isn't fun, but it can be made easier, and I find that most players don't bother with the second part.



Oh, and the Princess hits level 18. Like the others, she learns her (useless) final skill.



Taking the left path leads to some treasure chests, one of which contains the Rare Scarf, which raises defense and special defense.



Dropping through this route, we encounter... people? In the sky? Who look suspiciously like Mallow? Guarding a hot spring that is evidently off-limits to commoners like us? Curiouser and curiouser. We'll uncover these mysteries in the next... Let's Play Super Mario RPG. (Which hopefully will not take three weeks to come out.)

Next time: Let's do the fooka-fooka!

The jump required to get the Rare Scarf drove me mad as a kid.

I don't really remember having much trouble with the Hanging Gardens because of this - though the parallax view makes it seem like they're all the same distance, you can tell where and how far you can jump by the shadows on the clouds below. That combined with the platforms enemies make kind of brings the difficulty down to a more manageable level (could just be me, though).

I had more trouble with jumping up that cliff via moving platforms but I did have some trouble with the climb to Nimbus Land. I think a few of the jumps are high enough you can no longer see the shadows below.

The camera angle is the reason I haven't gotten to replay Mario RPG on emulator. Keyboard controls are too hard to control the jumps.

Another trick to climbing the vines that I just remembered is that the top of the lower vine will always be on the same height as the bottom of the higher (and vice-versa). Simply draw a line between the two points and I'm pretty sure you've all but fixed the lack of perspective for most of the jumps.

IJWTS that I just got the "Three Musty Fears" pun. And yes, I played this game when it was new. I never thought about it before, and it was bothering me for days after Tanto said something snarky about it. Oy.

I call it hell.

Holy crap, it I just now got it too. I think this gets the "Most Delayed Groan to a Pun" award. It only took 8 years or so.

I have never seen the Star Egg get used before this Let's Play. I barely got a Bright Card, so I wasn't about to challenge Grate Guy 100+ times to try and get that item.

By the way, about that Pinwheel in Monstro Town: the speed you set it at affects the speed of the pinwheels in Nimbus Land.

Tanto, you've got a lot of nerve using that Nimbus Land avatar well in advance of posting the Nimbus Land update. Stop teasing me! :<

Don't worry; it's a-coming. Probably this afternoon sometime.

See? Let it never be said that I don’t keep my promises.

A myth. I’ve tested it; if true, it doesn’t affect it so much that you’d notice it. No matter what you set the Monstro Town Pinwheel to, you still can’t make any progress against the real ones when they’re spinning.

Oh, Nintendo Power. Is there anything you won’t lie about?

When last we left off here at Let’s Play Super Mario RPG, we had climbed the annoying vines and reached the hidden cloud civilization of Nimbus Land. And it turns out we’ve arrived just in time to hear a Very Important Announcement.



The woman in charge here, Valentina (who I guess is Nimbus Land’s prime minister or something? It’s never really addressed), has called everyone together in the town square. She’s got good news and bad news.



Crap. Just what I need, a war of succession. Can’t anything in this game be simple?



Um. I guess that settles that, then.




…Right. This isn’t setting off any alarm bells at all. It’s worth noting that even my eight-year-old self, who was about as dumb as a rock, wasn’t fooled for an instant by Valentina’s little ruse here.



Her brilliant piece of Machiavellian political maneuverings complete, “Queen” Valentina dismisses the meeting and heads back into the palace.



…Goddammit, Mallow. You have no idea where you’re originally from. Shouldn’t a prince named Mallow, in a place where all the people look exactly like you (and the “prince” in question totally doesn’t), make you just a little bit suspicious? I mean, even if you’re not him, at least show a little curiosity.



At least he’s among friends, though. Valentina deserves to conquer these dunderheads.

Hidden treasure chest count: 34/39

In the shop, the first of five hidden treasure chests in Nimbus Land awaits. You have to make a perfectly timed jump from those crates in the back to reveal it, and then another to open it.



As for the shop itself, it has new weapons and armor for everyone except Bowser. We stock up on the Mega Glove for Mario, the Sticky Glove for Mallow, and the Hand Cannon for Geno, as well as the Fuzzy version of each of their respective armors. We still don’t need the Princess for anything, so she’ll continue to go wanting.

The Nimbus Landers don’t seem too outraged about this flagrant usurpation of their government, so I guess masterminding the revolt falls to us. All we need to do is get inside the castle—



Yeah, right, buddy. I killed a dozen of your fellows back in the Hanging Gardens. Stand aside or you’ll be heading home in a body bag.

No dice, though, these guards are adamant about not letting us through. We’ll need an in.



In town, we hear rumors about the sculptor Garro, who used to be in charge of King Nimbus’s statue fetish. These days, though, all he gets are orders for sculptures of Valentina. We enter his workshop to feel him out, but something catches our eye…







Surprise!

You know, thinking about it, this may be the first story I ever encountered where one of the major characters secretly has royal heritage. Let’s see, I played this near the end of fourth grade, and I didn’t read The Lord of the Rings until the fifth, and the Belgariad until sometime in middle school. The only video games I’d played up to this point were Mario All-Stars, Mario World, Yoshi’s Island, and the first two Donkey Kong Country games, as well as a smattering of Game Boy releases. Do any of the early-nineties Disney cartoons use that plot device? If not, I think this may well be the very first.

It’s actually a little weird. The whole “secretly a prince(ss)” plot is one of those things that’s engraved into peoples’ heads, and it’s a little unusual to pin down the place where you saw it for the very first time.

Anyway, Mario steps in to explain the situation, as only he can:

Garro picks up on it immediately, although I’m a little curious as to why one of the non-mute party members couldn’t have just said “Hey, he was raised by Frogfucius”.



Things are coming together now. Mallow is all for busting into the palace and saving his parents, but…



He doesn’t have any more luck than when we tried it earlier.



Garro is ready with a backup plan, though.



Garro lays down the battle plan: He’ll sneak us into the palace disguised as part of his next order to Valentina. Once there, we can infiltrate the palace, kick Valentina and Dodo and wave after wave of their goons, and rescue the king from his inevitable death to “illness”. Garro, meanwhile, will return to his workshop and drink hot cocoa. Sounds good!





We’re stopped at the gate, but some quick bullshittery courtesy of Garro gets us inside.



Once inside, we’re immediately accosted by Valentina, who praises Garro for his skill in capturing her delicate beauty. (Snort.) Garro tries to make his exit, but Valentina stops him, demanding to know what the deal is with this other, distinctly non-Valentinian statue he’s brought her. Garro looks deep inside himself and discovers even more brown stuff:

Amazingly, it works. More games should let you use your enemies’ pretentiousness against them.

Garro finally makes a break for it, and Valentina calls in her birdservant, the raven Dodo, to carry in the statues.



But not without administering the smackdown.



Dodo doesn’t take the abuse very gracefully, though, and vents his rage on one of the many convenient proxies as soon as Valentina is out of earshot.



He’s a dutiful birdservant, however, and follows his mistress’s orders to the letter. He then immediately vanishes, hoping to get a few winks in, and leaving us to our own devices once again.



Not for long, though; as soon as we try to exit the next room, we run into Valentina and Dodo again. Valentina orders Dodo to go polish the statues, giving us enough warning to run back and work on our statue impression again.

In this minigame, Dodo will peck each of the statues in turn, and you have to jump right before he hits you, no sooner and no later. This isn’t very difficult — Dodo moves very slowly, giving Mario plenty of time to think about that story he heard once about how the chick from Goldfinger suffocated after being covered in gold paint. If Dodo sees you move out of turn, it’s the same as getting pecked.



I could do this event with my eyes closed — the music is very obvious about when you’re supposed to jump. Eventually, Dodo begins getting suspicious, doubling back to try and hit you when you’re not expecting it…



…And entering the room via a back way to try and catch you off guard, but the music always warns you when he’s about to strike.



You get only two mess-ups. After the second, you have to fight Dodo. He’s not too difficult, but then, neither is this event.



Surviving the event nets you a Feather, an accessory which raises the bearer’s speed by 20. I usually fight Dodo for the experience, but I need the Feather for something I want to show off later, so what are you gonna do.



After exiting, we’re set upon again, this time by Valentina’s guards.






The guards begin poking “A Plumber’s Lament” with their pikes. Eventually, Mario can’t take it anymore and loses the statue disguise, resulting in this exchange:

Fun stuff. The guards disappear permanently from the castle gate after this event, so apparently they went ahead and checked themselves in to a mental institution.



Nimbus Palace is a pretty easy dungeon. It’s full of twisty halls and rooms with multiple exits, but most of them loop back in on themselves, so you can usually figure out which way to go without much trouble. The place is, however, crawling with enemies, with at least three or four fights in most rooms, and as many as five or six in several others. Geno Blast clears most of the enemies here without much trouble, however, and the enemies drop Maple Syrups at an incredible rate to keep you fueled up.

One enemy that doesn’t die to Geno Blast are Shamans, shown here. Remember those guys from the Sunken Ship and Land’s End? Well, these ones are a lot meaner than their relatives, packing powerful magic and good magic defense. Luckily, though, they die in one hit to most regular attacks.



In his mammoth masterpiece The New Bill James Historical Baseball Abstract, Bill James, one of my writing idols, compared the great pitchers Robin Roberts and Babe Adams at some length. (Be patient, I’ll get you back to video games in a second. Just a quick trip to Mordor and then right back to the Shire, okay?)

The context of this comparison was in a discussion of “pitching families”, a theory of James’s that pitchers who shared certain characteristics might be grouped into “families”, with the ultimate aim being that eventually the careers of active players could be more accurately predicted. In discussing one of the problems with this theory (which was, incidentally, one of James’s signature characteristics as a writer and thinker; where most people who have an interesting idea immediately start trying to prove themselves right, James always began by trying to prove his interesting ideas wrong), James examined two pitchers who were superficially similar, Robin Roberts and Babe Adams. Both of these pitchers had similar records, similar career shapes, and similar pitching arsenals. Both had great fastballs. But they differed, said James, in one key respect: Their pitching philosophies.

Roberts had a great fastball and the belief that, if you had a great fastball, you should use it as often as you could; exploit your advantage. Most hitters can’t hit a great fastball; the ones that can hit it over the fence, but most will go down swinging. Roberts gave up a ton of home runs and lost some games because of that, but he pitched loads of innings and won 20 games every year.

Adams had a great fastball and the belief that, if you had a great fastball, you should save it for when you really needed it. The fastball, to Adams, was a trump card, to be pulled out when you were in real trouble. He didn’t walk guys, but he threw off-speed stuff like pennies and tried to stay away from the hitters’ strengths. Adams famously outfoxed Ty Cobb in the 1909 World Series simply by refusing to throw him any fastballs; Roberts, in the same situation, would have thrown Cobb the fastball and dared him to hit it if he could.

How does this relate to video games? Well, in most games, I’m Babe Adams. In Mario RPG, however, I’m Robin Roberts. In most games, especially when I’m playing for the first time, I feel compelled to save my powerful spells, my game-breaking limit breaks, my rare items, for some hypothetical emergency which may never arise. I have to beat a game several times before I start feeling comfortable enough to really press the advantages it gives me; abusing the good spells and breaking the game’s systems. In Mario RPG (and a few other games), however, I feel totally at ease with Blasting everything in sight; I’ve got my finger on the game’s pulse to such an extent that I’ve learned exactly when to go crazy with my spells and when to break out the regular attacks, when it’s safe to spend all my money and when it’s better to be frugal.

I’ve always been interested in these kinds of variations. One of the reasons I like LPs is because they give me a chance to see how other people play, and how their tendencies vary from mine. (I’m really excited about Alixsar’s Ocarina LP, for example, because that’s a game I know inside and out, and I’m curious as to how Alixsar plays it differently than me.) Are you Robin Roberts or Babe Adams? Do you spend all your money at a new shop, or do you save some in case the next shop has something you covet even more? Do you like risky strategies with high rewards, or do you play carefully and conservatively? Do you plan extensively and crunch numbers, or do you wing it?

Is anybody else thinking about this kind of stuff?

(Was this difference enough to keep Roberts and Adams from being in the same “family”? James couldn’t say, and that was the problem: The idea of families was too inexact, because to an extent the sample size is always one. The decision — being able to say “Yes, these two guys are similar enough to be in a family” or “No, these guys look similar but it’s just coincidence” — is a judgment call, and can’t really be settled with any sort of confidence. The idea of pitching families is fun and potentially useful, but it’s a rule of thumb, not word of god. End tangent.)




One advantage of having so many enemies in this area is that you pick up level ups left and right. I exited this dungeon about two-and-a-half levels higher than when I entered.



One thing to note is that there are no real Birdy statues in the Palace — they’re all enemies in disguise. If you see a Birdy statue, kill it!



The middle door is locked. Time to go key-hunting, then.



Another enemy to watch out for here is the Birdy repaints, Bluebirds. Unlike their crimson counterparts, Bluebirds do not die to Blast, and they counter with powerful magic, so regular attacks are more effective.

Hidden treasure chest count: 35/39
Hidden treasure chest count: 36/39

This room actually contains two hidden treasure chests. One is easy; just jump where the Jawful used to be.



The other is more difficult: You have to press against the left wall until you find an invisible path leading out into space. A chest waits at the end.

This isn’t the last time the game pulls this trick, either…

At the end of this hallway we find a room full of Nimbus Landers, who are being held without charge. Valentina truly is an evil despot.



No, I did not know. Don’t really care, either.



One Nimbus Lander blithely hands over a Flower Jar just for being there, I guess. This one is special, though — it pushes us up to 99 Flower Points, the maximum. Huzzah!



Finally, an ousted guard offers us one of the three master keys to the palace, evidently just to spite Valentina. Works for me! (You can actually refuse the key, but then Mallow will come out, tell the guard Mario’s a little slow in the head, and take it anyway.)



After unlocking the door, we encounter Shy Away watering (?) the aforementioned giant egg. Since it worked so well last time, Shy Away tries the “running away” thing again, but this time it doesn’t fly: The door is locked.



Which the egg thinks is funny, I guess?

And by “play”, it means “Fight to the death”. Duh.



This battle has two stages. The first involves breaking Shelly here, a task that can be accomplished with approximately six regular attacks. Shelly doesn’t fight back, so take the time to do your Geno Boosting, while it’s easy to do.



The egg grows more and more cracked as you attack it, until finally…



…a familiar face appears.

Birdo has two attacks, both of which are physical and neither of which do anything other than damage (so the Rare Scarf and Jinx Belt are more effective than status effect pins). The first is a rapid-fire spray of eggs, which can be blocked, and the second is a superheated single egg, which can’t. If you’re defending when she uses the latter attack, the egg will bounce off you and become an enemy, which will explode, damaging Birdo, when you defeat it. This is more trouble than it’s worth, though…



Shocker works well on Birdo, as do regular attacks. Birdo is another of those bosses who is just an absolute roadblock if you’re significantly underleveled: Attacks do just no damage to her, so it takes forever to bring her down.



Not here, though, as a few regular attacks are all that’s needed to force her to give up the ghost.



The experience from the fight pushes Mallow up to level 20.



Evidently Birdo had the key the whole time… somehow? Whatever, it’s ours now.



Hidden treasure chest count: 37/39

Almost done!



The rest of Nimbus Palace is a straight shot. About the only thing interesting is another locked door, where Mallow cleverly deduces that his parents are being held hostage.

Bowser, realizing that he hasn’t said anything funny in a while, offers to batter down the door for us, but Mallow thinks better of it, reasoning that if his dad really is sick, having a giant monster turtle smash down the door might not be the best thing for his condition.



Bowser, for his part, takes the rebuff in stride.



Valentina is hanging out in the throne room when Shy Away busts in to tell her that a rampaging Mario is on the loose.







Looks like the jig is up…




Ooh, burn!



At Dodo’s insistence, Valentina finally notices that Mario has crashed the party.

Mallow’s still got his eyes on the prize, demanding that Valentina put down the key and back away slowly.



Valentina isn’t having any of it, though.




After a bit of back and forth, Valentina exits via the back door, although god only knows where she thinks she’s going to go.



Mallow is in a hurry to follow, so we oblige him.



The next hallway features a whole flock of Bluebirds (as well as a fleeing Dodo), but a Star allows us to cut straight through them.



However, in our haste to catch up to Valentina, we sort of forgot to watch where we were going…



Mario seems awfully cheerful about it, though.



Back in Nimbus Land, Valentina finds her escape route cut off by the citizenry, who are hungry for gossip.

Valentina gives them a blistering dressing-down, but not before Mario has a chance to catch up. Valentina desperately calls for Dodo to assist her, but Mario isn’t waiting around…



This is the only time in the whole game, I think, where Mario’s “fist-shaking” animation is used.



This battle has two stages. In the first, Valentina calls Dodo to help her…



…Which he does, by kidnapping the middle party member and making him fight a one-on-one duel.



Fortunately, Dodo is weak to fire, so a quick Geno Boost followed up by the Fire Bomb we picked up in Belome’s vault is enough to send him packing.



I could talk about the Valentina fight. I could mention her powerful spells, her regular attack, the fact that she uses sleep in the form of Light Beam and Aurora Beam so be prepared, or the fact that she’s evidently drinking a martini during the fight and how did that get past the censors.

But you guys don’t care about that, do you? All you want to talk about is how her boobs jiggle whenever she takes damage. You perverts.



After however many turns it took the middle character to dispatch Dodo, both combatants return to the main fight. You can defeat Dodo again if you desire, but it doesn’t serve much purpose.

Valentina’s spells, like Drain Beam (seen here) and Diamond Saw, deal riotous amounts of damage, but she has no physical defense at all, so her 2000 HP goes down like that to a steady stream of regular attacks.



Their ill-gotten empire crumbling, Valentina orders Dodo to make with the vamoosing and fly her away to unknown lands. I actually know exactly where she ends up, and will show you in due time.



No sooner do the evil pair disappear then Mallow demands we go after them to retrieve the key.



Valentina shows Mallow what she thinks of the key by dropping it on his head. After some initial confusion, Mallow heads back into the castle to meet his parents for the first time.



Mario, for his part, knows what’s next, and has come prepared.



See, I told you they’d use it again.



Mallow invites Mario and friends into the castle to meet his parents.



I… can see the resemblance.



King Nimbus’s gimmick is that he’s star-struck by the appearance of celebrities in his midst and demands autographs from Mario, Bowser, and the Princess.

Whee!






King Nimbus has his son’s grasp of nomenclature as well, to Geno’s irritation.



Oh, well, these things happen… What!?

Better and better.

Queen Nimbus advises Mallow to seek out a fellow by the name of Hinopio in the volcano, and bids the team safe travels.

We’ll end this update by scavenging a few treasures from the castle. First, in the room that the royal couple was being held in…



…We encounter the guard who gave us Castle Key 1. This time, he hands over a (entirely useless, but it’s the thought that counts) Flower Jar.



The guards in Nimbus Palace all draw from the same pool of dialogue, which evidently includes insulting their future sovereign. It’s too bad that Mallow can’t order executions…



Birdo’s egg has been cleared out and replaced with statues of Mario’s party. Don’t statues take, like, a while to make? How did Garro churn these out so quickly?



Hidden treasure chest count: 38/39

Finally, this spot held a regular treasure chest when Valentina’s goons held the castle, but now it holds a hidden one instead. One more to go!

In our next update, we’ll collect a few important items in Nimbus Land and beyond before going spelunking in the volcano and fighting my favorite boss in the whole game.

Next time: The Axem Rangers drop in

I love Valentina.


I also love how a Star can even make a boss (or a sub-boss, at least) go flying off the screen.

So long...(chumps)!

Guess what - Birdo's single egg attack CAN be blocked... in a way. When Birdo starts shooting them out, have your characters Defend (from the menu, not a timed block). Doing so causes it to bounce off of you and land next to Birdo. You can do this to several eggs (if I'm not mistaken). Destroying one causes Birdo to take about 70 points of damage.