Let's Play: Star Control II: The Ur-Quan Masters

Oops! I totally meant to add the Draconis/QuasiSpace portal generator quest, but forgot it when I was putting together the Quest List. So, lots of votes for that, huh? It's interesting; I usually rush to get the portal spawner as soon as I get the fuel for the trip, but I'm finding hauling through HyperSpace to not be so bad this playthrough. Still, I wouldn't want to try getting to the top-right corner the slow way.

I'm getting ready for my next play session today and, since all the votes are for some combination of Portal Spawner and Slylandro Probes, that's what I'll be doing. But: I'll be heading back to QuasiSpace, which means I'll need to pick a portal to leave QuasiSpace from, which is where you come in. Give me a number between 1 and 15, excluding 8. I want to get moving on this today, so it's going to be first-come, first-served this time.

Portal 1

Alright, dudes and dudettes, we're going on an adventure to shut up those annoying Slylandro probes, and maybe also pick up a sweet portal spawner in the process. Here we go!



First I pimp out my ride. As mentioned, I don't tend to use the ship for combat and selling back modules nets you 100% of the purchase price, so I decide to fill it up with cargo bays and high-capacity fuel tanks so that I need never worry about running out of cargo space again and I can go on much longer space trips. Even if I never use those extra cargo bays, I can always switch them out next time I'm at the base for no cost.



Off to Alpha Pavonis! It is a long, boring trip...



While travelling and humming along to the HyperSpace Music I notice the date. Is 2156 really a leap year? Did they program the game's calendar with leap days?



To the internet!



Yep, 2156 will be a leap year. Now you know!



So I reach Alpha Pavonis. Lots of planets, and VII is literally the only interesting one.







Unfortunately it's super-hot, and hotspots are the only thing I'm not protected against, so I leap in, scavenge the warp pod from the Dreadnought, and leap out again.



According to my calculations, the Slylandro home world is either Vega or Beta Corvi. I start with Vega.



Fun fact: Vega was the name of the quadrant where the first Wing Commander game took place. It is also the name of a dude with claws in Street Fighter.



The only world of note in the Vega system is Vega IV, which is loaded with life forms...



Specifically bee hordes and blobs. The bees are pretty tough if you haven't upgraded your shields and speed, as they attack fairly aggressively and will follow you all the way around the planet. The blobs just sort of move around randomly.



Vega IV also has a single fire flower. I grab it in the hopes that the ability to shoot fireballs will help me defeat the Ur-Quan.



Off to Beta Corvi!

Beta Corvi! And all the clams I can eat! I'm going to take you all through this one one planet at a time, so as not to miss the Slylandro jerks who keep bugging us with their crystal probes.



Beta Corvi I...



Some bio signs. Let's investigate...



These waddling one-eyed dudes are a real pain to hit and are basically impossible to catch if you don't have the speed upgrade. They're worth it, though, because each one fills up just under a third of your lander's bio capacity. That's a lot of bio data!



See, that planet took me up to 186 units alone. Still, unless those Waddle Doos were the Slylandro, we're not done here yet.



Beta Corvi II...



Nothing.



Beta Corvi III...



El-Zilcho.



Though the planet is home to bee swarms...



...And eagles.



Beta Corvi IV is a gas giant. Since gas giants are worthless, I explore its moon instead.



Bupkis.



Beta Corvi V...



Nada.

Beta Corvi VI...



A primordial world. It DOES have life signs. And, if nothing else, it will give us valuable insight into the origins of life, the most primitive form of biological existence.



It turns out, all life evolved from blue googly-eyed hamburgers.



Squishy blue googly-eyed hamburgers. Mayor McCheese has been proclaimed the messiah of the new religion of Burgerism.



Alright, by process of elimination, the Slylandro must be hiding out on Beta Corvi VII!



Except they're not. Still, exotics, so not a total waste. But what gives? Where are the Slylandro?



If you recall back a couple of updates, one of the Arilou captains gave an enigmatic hint about the probes originating on a world without a surface. This is one of the game's more clever strokes. The Slylandro live on a gas giant. It's the only gas giant of any significance in the entire game. From the very start, the game tells you, 1. This is what a gas giant looks like. You can identify it from a distance, and 2. Gas giants never, ever, ever have anything useful, so don't even bother exploring them.

Further, the game only really gives you abstract clues about where the Slylandro are located. I didn't bother talking earlier about those coordinates the probe I talked to gave me, but they're mostly useless; the numbers are upside down and backwards, and they're given relative to your location when you encounter the probe, so there's a strong chance you won't be entirely sure that you're in the right system when you come to Beta Corvi. Other clues about their location are similarly vague. I know the first time I played the game I scoured this system, ignoring the gas giant, and got frustrated and moved on to other quests. Anyhow, let's go meet these guys.





Well, they're a lot friendlier than I anticipated. Let's listen to their theme music.



I'm a self-proclaimed Emperor, so I decide to keep messing with them.



Better make amends...



And our first contact with a new race gives rise to the species' first exhibitionism fetishist. This is why the Federation has the Prime Directive!





Interesting, but not exactly relevant to the question asked.



"Curious Gas Bag" would be a good band name.

I like to think our character has adopted the Royal We here.











It is sort of interesting to speculate about life on a gas giant. How would it evolve sentience in the absence of material from which to fashion tools? My understanding is that human intelligence is largely a by-product of the usefulness to survival of being able to use tools and communicate with others. Maybe higher learning functions and communication aid in acquiring food/avoiding becoming food?





One of the things, I think, that makes people such rabid fans of this game is the well thought-out universe that Fred Ford and Paul Reiche III created. A big part of that has to do with their science fiction nerdiness; they didn't just say "Here's a bunch of gas creatures on a gas planet!", they actually thought out what society would be like for a race with no material possessions or, indeed, material. In this case, they can't write things down, so they sing about events to record their history.





And this answers my earlier question about why they would evolve intelligence: More efficient hunting.



Or lets ask another question.



This should give you an idea of how long these fellows live. Pretty darn long. This has some intriguing implications. But now let's talk about ourselves.







(Note that the game has taken to capitalizing the Evil before Ur-Quan. This is to distinguish them from the Sleepy Ur-Quan)

Huh. So the Ur-Quan used to be a different color? And maybe were also nice guys? Intriguing...



Okay, so there's an interesting planet orbiting one of twin blue stars near here. From the description, it sounds like a Rainbow World.



Changing the subject back to a conversation thread we didn't follow earlier...

As though we don't know.





So the Melnorme are responsible for all this. I should have known. I mean, I did know, because I've played before, but you catch my meaning.





We're backing into information here that we'd ordinarily get from other sources, but this is pretty fascinating. An alliance of races that pre-dates the Alliance of Free Stars and the Ur-Quan Hierarchy, but which included the Ur-Quan.



So apparently that urine moon is actually a Precursor broadcasting station. I'm not sure I want to watch a Precursor TV show.







More Precursor mysteries set up for a future game that never came to be (or, depending on your perspective, a future game we all wish never was).





So, the same information over about the rainbow world orbiting one of twin blue stars, and some relatively useless information about another rainbow world orbiting a large white star. "Big and White" doesn't really narrow the search down much.

Back to the probes...

(I thought they asked us to stop inquiring about their glowy bits!)

Clearly, the creators couldn't resist a Star Trek reference here.





Uh oh... Time to address the glowing gonads in the room.











One of those numbers seems a bit... High....







The pieces start falling into place...





Astute readers will have already figured out where the Slylandro went wrong here.

J'accuse!



(Note that weird capitalization is carried from the original)









This is all very interesting, as it's essentially a version of the "Grey Goo" apocalyptic scenario on a larger scale. The basic idea comes from nanotechnology theory, and posits that a single nanomachine, set to self-replicate itself without limits from whatever material was available, would eventualy, and quite rapidly, consume all available material on the planet, turning everything into a giant glob of grey (meaning boring and uniform) goo. Literally the whole planet would be turned into nanomachines.

The Slylandro Probe combines the grey goo scenario with a dark joke about lack of caution when programming. By setting the self-replication priority to maximum, the Slylandro have set into motion a course of events that, unless stopped, will result in the entire universe being turned into Slylandro Probes.

Interestingly, the Slylandro Problem is arguably more important for the survival of the universe than the Ur-Quan Problem. And yet, this quest is entirely optional.



Of course...

Someone like me!



Someone not like me!





Ah-ha! At least the probes won't be a problem for me, personally, anymore. And, in the end, isn't that all that really matters?



I swing around and head back immediately.





Well, that wraps everything up in a neat little package, then, doesn't it?



Slylandro dealt with, I set a course for the QuasiSpace portal that opens from the 17th to the 20th of every month. I've got about 15 days to get there, but I'm not sure if I'll make it.



On the way, I encounter a probe. Time to test out that destruct code!

Take that!





And just like that, we get a victory screen and free resources. We'll keep encountering probes (I encountered three during this update) but now we just need to pick the correct dialogue box and they'll explode. Of course, since the Slylandro have taken steps to curb the probes' rampant reproduction, they'll now show up with much less frequency.



I realize I don't have time to make it to the QuasiSpace hole before it closes, so I resign myself to killing time for a month and set course for Beta Chandrasekhar, which is on the way.



Only two planets...



But one is a Quasi-Degenerate World...



...And the other is an Emerald World!



I wind up with 204 units of Exotics, which will nearly pay for this trip's fuel all by itself.



I move on to Epsilon Chandrasekhar...



Which has one stupid planet which is too dumb to even show you.



From there I move to Gamma Chandrasekhar...



And as soon as I get there I remember the clues the Slylandro gave me about the twin blue stars with a Rainbow World orbiting one of them. Maybe I could find that before the hole opens again?



It's either Alpha or Beta Pegasi



I try Alpha first, and come up empty.



Hopefully Beta will prove more fruitful...

It's the 11th of the month, so I've got about ten days to find the Rainbow World and get to the hole before it closes.



I'm right! I don't bother exploring the planet, since I've little time and it's too hot besides. Oh, and a helpful hint: If a star has a Rainbow World, it's always the first planet in the system.



I set course for the middle of the Arilou sphere...



And I make it just in time! I would NOT have enjoyed waiting around for another month, and I only realized after heading into QuasiSpace that I hadn't saved since I started this update.





I am excited for easy way times, too!





This is just a bit condescending; is it that surprising that, when they told us that the pod was on Alpha Pavonis VII, we went to Alpha Pavonis VII and successfully brought it back? Anyhow, we can now go to QuasiSpace whenever we want, but it costs 10 fuel per trip. There are a lot of portals that'll get us pretty much anywhere we want, so this will be our primary mode of travel from now on. Except: We still don't know where all these portals lead.



Toodles.



Per False Logic's suggestion, I try out Portal #1.



From the radar, it looks like I'm at the far right edge of space. Space, in Star Control II, is flat, and you can fall off the edge of it.



Looks like I'm way over on the right side of the screen, about 2/3 down. Didn't somebody (the Pkunk?) tell us that there were some jerks here who had a ruby sphere that was part of a set with the clear spindle they gave us? I think that's them. Either that or the Melnorme told us to look for people here.



I set a course for the nearest planet, Zeta Persei (Zeta... Percy?)



This system is positively swarming with a new kind of dude that we have not met before! Just to be safe, I avoid them as much as possible and make for the first planet in the system, where I meet...



This fine, fresh, fun-loving fellow. Have a listen while I prepare the next post...

Hmmm... I just got the vortex spawner, and it does seem incredibly useful, but I could totally trade it in right now for three of those ships I saw swarming around! First, though, let's have a chat:



The Druuge are this game's 100% Devoted to Capitalism to the Point Where the Entire Race is Organized as a Corporation Race, in case you didn't notice.



Hmmmm... That seems... A little...



Maybe... Maybe they'll be well-treated slaves?



Mmmm... Nah. We couldn't. But maybe...





On the other hand, maybe they've got some great bargains!





Well, some of that could be useful... Perhaps... I just don't know!



See ya!



Here's where I am now, Talking Time, complete with newly-drawn Druuge bubble. (ignore the range bubble; it's screwed up because I have so much fuel). What now? Should I sell my crew to the Druuge? Should I trade my portal spawner for magic beans/space ships? Should I use the spawner to check out a different portal? If so, which one? I can also do any of the quests from the previous update, though I'd prefer not to fly straight to them now that I have the Portal Spawner.

Can you post a new pic of the map with the portals listed (maybe updated or overlaid with what we know is by them?

Sure!

Portal 3!

i'll second 3! Also, you should totally go meet the umgah.

Alright, I'm going to try to switch up the format a bit; shorter updates, allowing for somewhat more interaction. I'll update at least once a week; Tuesdays seem like a good day for it. I reserve the right to have Bonus Updates between regular updates, though.

So, when last we left, we were hanging out in Zeta Percy, having just met the Druuge. Let's chat with them a little more, shall we?



Every encounter with the Druuge is a potentially hostile encounter. The Druuge are not fellows you will be allying with. You can get their ships for trade, though... If you really want them.



It doesn't come accross in the screenshot, but globs of green snot occasionally drip out of the Druuge Captain's nose. I have to wonder how comfortable that seating configuration is; I'm fairly sure that's a "stress position" used in... What's the term of art that we call torture now? "Extreme Interrogation?"



These guys make no attempt to hide their homeworld location. Annoyingly, the homeworld is the only place where you can trade with them.

I had a few encounters with captains here; I'm just going to throw together all their answers to this inquiry to save space.



Captain! Political commentary off the port bow!





What's interesting about all of this is the degree to which extreme forms of government tend to merge together and become indistinguishable when they reach their maximal extremity. So here we've got a society where everyone is an employee of a single corporation, which controls production and the distribution of resources. Aside from the fact that it's called a corporation, "government by a single entity, which controls all resources and their distribution," looks an awful lot like communism. Now, here there's no formal equality between employee/shareholders, but communism-as-practiced doesn't have a lot of actual equality, either.



Unsurprisingly, the Druuge are not fans of their fellow trading race, the Melnorme. They both deal primarily in living beings, but the Druuge want sentient slaves, while the Melnorme want (presumably?) non-sentient life forms.





So, the Kohr-Ah are not folks you'd like to meet, presumably. Also, there's a race out there called the Burvixese, who no longer deal with the Druuge.





Druuge law is based on victim-blaming. Got it.



Alright, this is important. We can get stuff from the Druuge without slave trading. What they want are our portal spawner (which we knew about already), Hyperwave 'Casters, and Mycon spore shells (should we find them).

As an attorney, I found this contract with God pretty amusing. Anyhow, that about wraps it up for the Druuge for now.



Toodles!



I turn my attention to looting the Druuge home system. The only real planet of note is Zeta Persei IV, home to Space Broccoli, Purple Worms, and those Waddle Dees that are worth a ton of biological points.



Oh, so, systems full of enemy ships. Sometimes you enter a system and it's full of ships. That's a good indication that this is somebody's homeworld, though it could just be a random planet within that race's zone of control. Each one of those Druuge Mauler's is an encounter. When you first enter, or if the species considers you non-hostile, they'll just sort of meander about. Here you see them orbiting various worlds. The AI for meander mode has them fly circles around a planet for a while, then pick a random destination and go there to orbit for a while. Their orbiting destination could be either in the macro-view of the system, seen here, or in the zoom-in on the planet. Once one ship detects you, which happens if you fly to close to one, every ship in the system will immediately make a bee-line for your ship. All ships in-system move at the same speed regardless of ship type, and if you've fully upgraded your turners and thrusters you should be able to easily out-maneuver them.



I head to QuasiSpace and chart a course for Portal 3...



Which takes us to Arilou Space. Not an incredibly useful jump.



Still, it puts us close to the Umgah homeworlds in the Orionis constellation, so I set a course for the nearest system, Zeta Orionis.



6 planets, most of which are resource-poor and of no account.



Zeta Orionis IV is full of these Green Carousel fellows. They're aggressive and require 15 shots to take down, but they move slowly and give a lot of bio data, so they're quite worth it.



Zeta Orionis V has a bunch of Whomping Willows, which are easy to catch and give a reasonable amount of bio data. All the planets in this system have high tectonics, but our earthquake shields allow us to basically ignore the danger. Without those shields, the Whomping Willows might be worth the trip, but the Green Carousels almost certainly wouldn't be.



Well, let's try Delta Orionis.



Ah, just who we were looking for.



Gah!



Have a listen to the Umgah Theme, which is suitably drippy and biological. Meanwhile, I'm not gonna beat around the bush with these guys:



...Huh. The Umgah ARE technically our enemies. I'd expect more hostility than a "get out of here."

Hmmmm... Not funny per se, but honestly I prefer it to the typical Umgah "practical joke." Still, let's push our luck...



At first I thought this was a joke about Cold Fusion, but I think it's supposed to be a pun about "confusion." Still, better than normal. I go against every rule of being a good comedy audience and decide to heckle.



This is my new favorite response to heckling.



That's weird. Nothing gets a rise out of these guys. Was there anything else we heard recently about the Umgah? Oh, right, the Talking Pet the Arilou gave them.











And we're dumped to the combat screen. So, something's up with that Talking Pet. What are the Umgah hiding?



The Umgah Drone is a really interesting ship. It's small and fast, which as usual means a small crew. The primary weapon is an antimatter cone that shoots in front of it a short distance. In addition to doing a lot of damage quickly, the cone destroys most incoming missiles. Even more interesting, the cone is free; it costs no energy to use and can be used even if the batteries are empty, so there's no reason not to have the cone active at all times. The Drone's secondary attack causes it to fly backwards super-fast. The backwards-charge eats up energy, but is a nice way to quickly get in close to an enemy, particularly since the conical shape of the main weapon means that the Drone can strafe an enemy by whizzing past it.



Still, they fall fairly easily to my Spathi Eluder. The battle isn't cost-free, as I take some hits and lose some crew, but I still have my full compliment of Eluders. The strategy for facing a Drone with an Eluder is fairly standard; stay at mid-range and launch BUTTs. The AI won't activate the anti-matter cone unless you're up close, so you need not worry about the BUTTs being taken out if you're far enough out, and the Drone is slower and less maneuverable than the Eluder (unless it's using its backwards-lunge). Drones give crap for RU, so it's really not worth farming them.



Alright, so here we are. Where should we head next, Talking Time? We can investigate the Umgah homeworld in search of the Talking Pet, we could head down and try to figure out what happened to the Spathi, we could go on over to the Zoq-Fot-Pik and see what their deal is, or we could head up to investigate the clue about mean dudes up in the Draconis constellation. Alternatively, we could head home, or we could make another QuasiSpace jump.



For reference, here's an updated QuasiSpace map. Where to now?

I'll take portal number 5, Monty!

Let's find the Spathi or head to the Umgah home world

Talking Pet!

Zoq-Fot-Pik.

What he said.

You're already in Umgah space, right? Might as well check out their homeworld while you're there.

On Hiatus

Abandoned