LET'S STREAM BAD RATS SHOW - Secret of Nimh 3

BEAT · #31 08-11-2016, 12:02 PM

PART 10

THE SHOW MUST GO ON
CHAPTER 1.10 - CHAPTER 1.11
USHERS AT INTERMISSION
Fanboymaster - MarsDragon - Caliscrub

In which BEAT goes, no fuck YOU chapter one, you die TONIGHT.

NOTES

I ENTER THE WRONG PASSWORD AT THE START. You know, like I do.
EVERYTHING SEEMS NORMAL ON 1.10 UNTIL I NOTICE THE LOCATION OF THE SWITCH. It's completely walled off everything. As in there is no way the ball could possibly get to it without either phasing through a wall, or by going around it in 3D space. Given that I'm playing Bad Rats, I assumed breaking into 3D was the correct answer. I was wrong, but really, can you blame me?
IT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY HARD TO BREAK THE BALL OUT OF THE 2D PLANE. In OG Bad Rats, the ball would fall out of the stage constantly, often at the worst possible moment. In this game it's pretty firmly suck on the 2D plane, and my best efforts at smashing everything into it are for naught. That's weird because the Rats aren't nearly as well contained. Those fuckers fall into the foreground every other time I hit play.
EVENTUALLY CALISCRUB RESCUES US WITH JEBUS RAT KNOWLEDGE. Till now all I'd seen Sacrilege Rat do was uselessly hold the ball in mid-air with his force field. Turns out what he ACTUALLY does is move the ball in a straight line towards the goal, through solid walls! My rage in response to watching this solution is so great, I honestly believe the crash that occurs moments later was the game's attempt at self-preservation. Bad Rats Show was scared of me, and it tried to escape the only way it knew how.
SO WE RESET AND CHARGE HEADLONG INTO 1.11, THE LAST MAP IN THE CHAPTER. I don't think I was sobbing tears of rage during the recording, but listening to myself now I'm not so sure. Maybe that's just a comforting lie I tell myself so I can get out of bed in the morning.
THE ANGLE AT WHICH KUNG FU RAT KICKS THE BALL IS SO FUCKING FINICKY. Placing him the tiniest bit too far forward or backwards is be the difference between him sending the ball exactly where it needs to be, and him just bouncing it around the room like an idiot. Fortunately for me that's the only issue we run into in Chapter 1.11 because…
KNOWING HOW JEBUS RAT WORKS GIVES ME FAR MORE POTENTIAL IN TERMS OF BREAKING LEVELS. His little sphere of influence isn't huge but it gets the job done. As soon as Kung Fu Rat gets his act together, we get an instant win by just floating the ball through the very first wall, straight into the goal.
THE ORIGINAL SOLUTION TO 1.11 IMPLIES THE DEVS HAD NO IDEA JUST HOW BROKEN JEBUS RAT IS. They did want me to use their horrible mockery of the Christian Messiah, but only for much thinner walls on the other side of the stage. Yeah fuck that noise mine's better.
THUS THE CURTAIN CLOSES ON THE FIRST CHAPTER. All the world's a stage, and all the rats merely players. They have their exits and their entrances, and one rat in his time plays many parts.

STATS

ORIGINAL SOLUTION FAILURES:
CHAPTER 1.10 (YEAH THE DEVS PROLLY HAD A WORKING ONE BUT IF IT CRASHES BEFORE I CAN SEE IT, THAT'S A FUCKING FAILURE.)
TOTAL: 6

BEAT FLIPS HIS SHIT:
03:00
BEAT: ARE YOU GUYS SEEING THIS SHIT?!
FanboyMaster: I don't know If I'm crying or laughing.
BEAT: Ho-oo-oolly fuck THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY GODDAMN SENSE AT ALL! WHAT THE HELL DO THEY WANT ME TO DO?!
FanboyMaster: I feel like the only way to make this solution work is to perform a magical space adventure.
BEAT: YOU LITERALLY HAVE TO SPACE ADVENTURE THE BALL OUT, AND THEN SPACE ADVENTURE IT BACK IN?! OH MY GOD!!

12:10
BEAT: I am so mad right now.
CaliScrub: [Mad Laughter]
BEAT: I am SO mad right now.
FanboyMaster: That's stupid!
MarsDragon: Wooooow!
BEAT: I AM SO MAD RIGHT NOW!

12:50
BEAT: THE GAME CRASHED! THE GAME CRASHED AGAIN! KEEPIN' COUNT THAT'S THREE TONIGHT! [...] NO I HAVE ONE LEFT ON CHAPTER 1. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M JUST DETERMINED ENOUGH THAT I'M GONNA DO IT TONIGHT.
MarsDragon: What?! BEAT, don't die.
BEAT: I AM ALREADY DEAD.

TOTAL: 22

muteKi · #32 08-11-2016, 01:21 PM

Spoilers for a future update: there were magical space adventures for the ball on the last stream

BEAT · #33 08-11-2016, 02:37 PM

No lie, I am so fucking proud of what we pulled off there.

Man, just

SO FUCKING PROUD.

Torzelbaum · #34 08-11-2016, 02:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by muteKi

Spoilers for a future update: there were magical space adventures for the ball on the last stream

Bad Rat's Show Magical Misery Tour.

muteKi · #35 08-11-2016, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BEAT

No lie, I am so fucking proud of what we pulled off there.

Man, just

SO FUCKING PROUD.

It was a moment I was glad to have witnessed live. It was special and I will cherish it for all time.

BEAT · #36 08-12-2016, 10:14 AM

PART 11

IT'S PROGRESS
CHAPTER 2.1 - CHAPTER 2.2
SHOCK AND AWE
Fanboymaster - MarsDragon - Patito

After the nightmare that was the final Chapter 1 stream, Chapter 2 starts out surprisingly hopeful! could Bad Rats and I finally be coming to terms?!

NOTES

WE BRIEFLY DISCUSS THE GAME'S FIRST UPDATE. Yeah, it actually got one. The release notes on Steam indicate that it would make the game slightly more stable, but we all know better to believe that. It also mentions that they want to add more rats, namely putting Fat Rat back in the roster. That's a terrible idea because as anyone who's read/watched my OG Bad Rats LP knows, Fat Rat was always useless.
I SOLVE CHAPTER 2.1 ON THE FIRST TRY. It's really easy. For some reason the game gives me the achievements for finishing Chapter 1 and solving 10 puzzles now, instead in the last video, where I actually finished chapter 1 and solved 10 puzzles.
AS IN CHAPTER 1.4, HITTING SHOW ORIGINAL SOLUTION JUST RE-LOADS THE LEVEL. Yep. that glitch again. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with the ending animation of a nuclear bomb destroying everything requires the game to load a new environment, but honestly your guess is as good as mine. Mark it down as an original solution failure and password onwards.
"BY THE WAY TRAR HAS A TERRIBLE THING TO SAY." While I'm busy futzing with menus, Marsdragon takes a moment to relay Trar's message of a terrible video he found, which claimed that Bad Rats Show is an "Improvement" and "actually kind of decent". While I initially wrote it off as the mad rambings of a stupid idiot, I got curious and asked him to send me the video in question a day later. Turns out I was right because holy shit this video is fucking stupid.
THE BAD RATS GRAFFITI MAKES A COMEBACK. that's kinda cool I guess.
I DON'T SOLVE CHAPTER 2.2 QUITE AS FAST. Still pretty fast though, I blame Hockey Rat because he's bullshit. Mafia Rat's a tad overeager, but he still gets the job done. Not sure why Jesus Rat goes into a spin at the end. Nobody on the call really cares, we're busy talking about Secret of Nhim 2.
BUT HOLY SHIT THE ORIGINAL SOLUTION FAILURE. It actually loads, but for some reason the curtain in front of the stage doesn't rise, completely blocking our view of all the action. But if that weren't enough, it also failed in the normal, ball-never reaches the end way, because the announcer starts regurgitating his lines about the ball taking a nap! Two failures for the price of one!

STATS

ORIGINAL SOLUTION FAILURES:
CHAPTER 2.1 THE "TOTAL LEVEL RESET" BULLSHIT AGAIN
CHAPTER 2.2 HOLY FUCKOLY
TOTAL: 8

BEAT FLIPS HIS SHIT:
03:35
BEAT: Show me the original solution! Okay while you guys watch- NO THEY STILL HAVEN'T FIXED IT! IT'S JUST MY SOLUTION AGAIN! THEY STILL HAVEN'T FUCKIN FIXED IT!

06:22
BEAT: WAIT NO IT WAS ABOUT TO OOOOoohhhh Fuck!

08:20
BEAT: GUYS OH MY GOD YOU- SHUT UP AND LOOK AT THIS SHIT! DO YOU KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?!
MarsDragon: I'm waiting for the thing to come up!
FanboyMaster: Yeah it's loading dude
Patito: Well no, I mean the curtain is not gonna... it's not gonna show cuz the curtain...
FanboyMaster: WHAT.
MarsDragon: WHAT.
BEAT: YEAH! IT LOADED THE ORIGINAL SOLUTION BEHIND THE CURTAIN!
FanboyMaster: What no! That's an original solution failure because we can't tell what even happened!
BEAT: OH NO! I CAN TELL YOU IT FAILED, BECAUSE IT NOW SAYS THE BALL IS TAKING A NAP! SO IT FAILED! IT FAILED TWICE!

TOTAL: 25

BEAT · #37 08-12-2016, 01:11 PM

PART 12

ESCAPING FLATLAND
CHAPTER 2.3
QUANTUM SCIENTISTS
Fanboymaster - MarsDragon - Patito

Hey remember my proposed solution on Chapter 1.10? The one where I considered breaking the ball out into 3D space? yeah, I know, dumb idea, but man wouldn't it have been nuts if it worked?!

NOTES

SADLY I CAN'T KEEP UP THE PACE I HAD IN THE LAST TWO MAPS. The solution to this level just isn't as brazenly obvious I'm afraid. And so begins the arduous process of figuring out juuuust the right spot to position bomb rat on his unsolvable Rubix cube.
WHO WRITES THE DESCRIPTIONS THAT POP UP WHEN YOU'RE SELECTING THINGS? "A complex and good cube. Can be used as base, height, and cube."
THEN AFTER AWHILE THE GAME CRASHES. Boy I sure am glad they sent out that update! Clearly the game is much more stable now!
YOGI RAT IS JUST SUCH A PAIN IN THE ASS TO WORK WITH. The exact effects he's going to have on the ball are based on how fast the ball's currently going. That makes SENSE, sure, but it's fucking bad rats, so how fast the ball's going to be going on any given run are basically random.
WE SWITCH GEARS TO TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THE BEST RAT TO START THE BALL MOVING. Flu Rat sucks, and can't give the ball enough momentum. Mafia Rat goes the other direction, and gives it too much momentum. Kung Fu Rat can't even get it to the end of the corridor. All hope seems lost until…
I DECIDED TO GIVE MOTORCYCLE RAT A SHOT. When I tried to place him it was obvious I shouldn't have been able to, his character model was blatantly overlapping with the balls starting position, but for some reason the game allowed it. I shrugged and hit play, then watched in sudden childlike wonder, as the entire world turned to magic before my very eyes.
MOTORCYCLE RAT FORCED THE BALL TO SHOOT OUT INTO THE FOREGROUND WHERE POPE RAT COULD SEE IT. Turns out pope rat doesn't give a shit if the ball is currently on the course proper, if he can see it, he's gonna pull it it towards himself. The result is an incredible, beautiful arc where the ball flies off into the distance, then turns back on itself and flies directly towards the goal, just barely missing it to hit the platform it's sitting on. So close to victory! If only there were a way to get it just a tiny bit higher up!?!
"YOU NEED TO PUT POPE RAT ON TOP OF A MATCHBOX." Well okay Patito. I mean hell why not it's not like anything in this could possibly- HOLY SHIT NO WAY.
WE HAVE TURNED USE BAD RAT'S INHERENT BROKENNESS AGAINST ITSELF. I sincerely doubt anything else in the game can top that incredible perfect moment. We forced a magical space adventure happen, and then dragged it back to Earth so that it might finish what it started. Who cares if the original solution works or fails. None of that matters in the face of what has happened here. We are as Bad Rats Gods. Our will be done.

STATS

ORIGINAL SOLUTION FAILURES:
NONE
TOTAL: 8

BEAT FLIPS HIS SHIT:
05:53
BEAT: THE GAME CRASHED! WE DON'T GET TO SEE IT CUZ THE GAME CRASHED!
FanboyMaster: It was bound to happen.
MarsDragon: Goddamn.
BEAT: So CLEARLY that update they did is doing well!

08:55
MarsDragon: [Singing "fly me to the moon"]
BEAT: SHUT UP MARS I'VE HEARD IT BEFORE!
MarsDragon: FUCK YOU!
BEAT: FUCK YOU!
MarsDragon: FUCK YOUUUUU!

10:25
BEAT: I got the ball into 3D space for the first time?! And the pope was ACTUALLY PULLING IT INTO POSITION!
FanboyMaster: What? WHAT. WHAT?!
MarsDragon: AHAHAHAHA!
Patito: NICE! NICE!!

12:15
BEAT: It was close- it was close! This is all I want. It's the only thing I want... THAT DID IT! I DID IT! IT WORKED! OH MY GOD PATITO YOU'RE A GENIUS!
MarsDragon: FUCK! FUUUCK!
FanboyMaster: No! NO!
BEAT: IT WORKED! IT FUCKIN WORKED IT'S BEAUTIFUL!
Patito: I'm so glad! I'm so glad this was streaming!
FanboyMaster: THIS IS THE WORST THING TO EVER HAPPEN!
BEAT: EVERYTHING IS BETTER THAN IT'S EVER BEEN BEFORE!

TOTAL: 29

BEAT · #38 08-18-2016, 11:25 AM

PART 13

MUSIC APPRECIATION CLASS IN SESSION
CHAPTER 2.4
STUDENTS
Fanboymaster - MarsDragon - Patito

Wow, another single-level video with a surprisingly short runtime! I wonder what that could mean about the video that will follow this one?!

NOTES

"HE WAS A SKATER RAT, SHE SAID SEE YOU LATER RAT." "Okay Mars, I don't say this lightly? But I will literally kill you."
"SKATE! OR! RAT! SKATE SKATE SKATESKATE OR RAT! RATRATRATRATRAT!" "You're going to hell."
I GUESS I SHOULD ACTUALLY WRITE ABOUT THE LEVEL INSTEAD OF JUST QUOTING FANBOY AND MARS? Like, they wanted me to use the skateboard item? But I'm like "nah fuck that" or something. Whatever let's just keep goofing off about music.
BLOODY TEARS BY AOTP IS A TRULY AMAZING CREATION. When I first learned of Jedi Mind Tricks, I assumed it was one of those humorous nerdcore things I like so much because 1.) It was named after Star Wars and 2.) Vinnie Paz's weird vocals seemed to fit perfectly next to those of KABUTO THE PYTHON & Cuo 2 Duo. I was wrong of course, Vinnie would never identify himself as a nerd. But in my defense what would you call a man that rhymes on a Castlevania Track?
JEBUS RAT HAS A THING ABOUT NOT GETTING THE BALL ALL THE WAY TO THE GOAL. I've seen this a few times now. He'll get it REAL CLOSE and then drop it right before it makes contact. It's really obvious in this video at 3:00 & 3:50 Whether this is a deliberate attempt to nerf his game-breaking power or just another case of poor coding is anyone's guess.
SO WE SWITCH HIM OUT FOR POPE RAT. Obviously he was the correct choice, because not 2 seconds after I hit play, he's already got the ball in his sights, dragging it straight to the goal! Perfection! Nothing could possibly stop our victory!
THEN THE GAME CRASHES. AGAIN. Take a moment to drink in the frame it chose to freeze on. It knew I had already won. It crashed out of spite. It seeks to rob me of what I've rightfully earned.
SO I RESET AND RE-PASSWORD AND RE-WIN. Oh hey it's the electrocution ending again. How "fun".
THE ORIGINAL SOLUTION LOADS, BUT CANNOT BE SEEN. Just like in Chapter 2.2 the stage curtain never rises. Apparently the ball actually made it to the end on this one, but that doesn't mean that this somehow isn't a massive fucking failure.

STATS

ORIGINAL SOLUTION FAILURES:
CHAPTER 2.4 BECAUSE HONESTLY ANYTHING COULD HAVE HAPPENED BACK THERE.
TOTAL: 9

BEAT FLIPS HIS SHIT:
03:12
BEAT: OHHHH YOU FUCKER JESUS RAT! YOU WERE SO GODDAMN CLOSE!

TOTAL: 30

BEAT · #39 08-23-2016, 11:07 AM

PART 14

HOLY PARAGRAPHS
CHAPTER 2.5
(WHAT KINDA SHIT IS THAT?)
Fanboymaster - MarsDragon - Patito

I'm Jesus in the flesh so this is motherfuckin Christian Rap. Y'all just Christmas wrap, must be the secret Santa. My reindeer aim near, pierce you with the antlers!

NOTES

RIGHT OFF THE BAT I KNOW THIS ONE'S GONNA SUCK. It's doing the stupid "ball starts in a low ceiling spot" thing again. I immediately decide to just "Jesus it out". I've had it with this shit.
SADLY I CAN'T CUZ JESUS RAT SUCKS. The little abomination just can't quite get the ball high enough. My attempts at giving it a boost with Bomb rat end in tragedy. Time to cut our losses and come up with another plan.
SO WE TRY USING MAFIA RAT INSTEAD, CAUSING MARS TO FLIP HER SHIT. Good to know that I'm not the only on edge.
MarsDragon: YOU'RE FUCKING KIDDING ME!!
HAVING FAILED TO COME UP WITH A JESUS RAT SOLUTION, I TRY A DIFFERENT DIRECTION. What if I slap Yogi Rat down in the ball's range, throw a fan behind him, and shoot him along the floor? What would that do?
THE RESULT IS A SUBLIMELY CAPTIVATING GIANT FUCKING MESS. A horrible chain of destruction and carnage that for some fucking reason comes closer to success than it had any right to. Eventually we're able to get the ball kinda near the goal at least half the time, and all I had to do was smash the Yogi into the criminal into the bomber to knock the ball BACK into the Yogi with enough force to shove him off the ledge and holy fuck how are these words something I'm actually writing?
SADLY I JUST CAN'T SEEM GET MY TERRIBLE SOLUTION TO FINISH THE FINAL STRETCH. It's so close, but pope rat can't get the ball high enough to hit the goal, even when attached to his terrible balloon. It hardly matters though, because my rediculous setup just suddenly stops consistently working for no fucking reason. Can nothing solve this terrible level? Is all hope lost?
THEN PATITO SAVES THE DAY! He just busts out this brilliant idea: Do the Jebus rat thing again, but this time stick him on a balloon! My gasp of awe was completely genuine.
JEBUS RAT'S MUSIC IS THE MOST ANNOYING THING. It plays the Hallelujah Chior every time it effects the ball. This game is glitchy as hell, so the ball will clip in and out making the song skip-skip-skip-skip-skip-skip.
SO I ADD MAFIA RAT TO SHOOT IT BACK INTO PLACE. The strategy has devolved to "just add as much chaos to the system as possible".
THEN I ADD BOMB RAT TO GET IT BACK UP ONCE IT INEVITABLY FALLS OUT! This is a good idea. I'm a good idea boy.
THEN I ADD POPE RAT TO- POPE RAT WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING. He gets suck in a bad position in the ceiling, and I can't select him to drag him out. Bad Rats show is a very well programmed game. Eventually I have to pick him from the rat menu to reset his position.
THEN I ADD POPE RAT TO DRAG THE BALL HOME. And somehow, after one or two tries it actually fucking works. But I can't feel proud of this shit. There's nothing good or decent to be seen here. Even winning feels bad.
THE DEATH ANIMATION IS ANOTHER "CLEVER" SUBVERSION. The Cat's too strong to be crushed by a piano! But the Rats had a spike trap underneath him! How hilarious! You are entertained by this hilarious joke! Someone kill me.
I HATE THE ORIGINAL SOLUTION, BUT I ALSO LEARNED A LITTLE BIT FROM IT. Namely I learned that the devs expected me to kill Yoga Rat with an exploding Fan. That's just awesome.

STATS

ORIGINAL SOLUTION FAILURES:
NONE
TOTAL: 9

BEAT FLIPS HIS SHIT:
03:50
BEAT: OKAY. OKAY HOLY CRAP. THAT FELT- I FELT EVIL DOING THAT ONE. I FEEL BAD FOR ALLOWING THAT TO HAPPEN.
FanboyMaster: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!
MarsDragon: Oh god. No. No.
FanboyMaster: I see what you're doing and you're terrible.
BEAT: WHAT OPTION DID I HAVE?!

09:15
BEAT: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OHHHH THAT SHOULDN'T HAVE WORKED! OH THAT SHOULDN'T HAVE WORKED!

TOTAL: 32

BEAT · #40 08-24-2016, 03:15 PM

I got one video's worth left to post but it's in the form of a few separate files that need to be edited together. Hopefully I'll be able to get THE GANG together when we're all in the proper frame of mind for recording real soon.

How you guys enjoying this so far? Is anyone even following this? IS THIS THREAD THE INTERNET VERSION OF A MADMAN, SCREAMING TO HIMSELF INSIDE AN EMPTY CELL?

Gerad · #41 08-24-2016, 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BEAT

I got one video's worth left to post but it's in the form of a few separate files that need to be edited together. Hopefully I'll be able to get THE GANG together when we're all in the proper frame of mind for recording real soon.

How you guys enjoying this so far? Is anyone even following this? IS THIS THREAD THE INTERNET VERSION OF A MADMAN, SCREAMING TO HIMSELF INSIDE AN EMPTY CELL?

I like it! I don't typically have time to watch the full videos but I at least skim the highlights. Thanks for making it!

aturtledoesbite · #42 08-24-2016, 04:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BEAT

I got one video's worth left to post but it's in the form of a few separate files that need to be edited together. Hopefully I'll be able to get THE GANG together when we're all in the proper frame of mind for recording real soon.

How you guys enjoying this so far? Is anyone even following this? IS THIS THREAD THE INTERNET VERSION OF A MADMAN, SCREAMING TO HIMSELF INSIDE AN EMPTY CELL?

HEY GUESS WHAT

I'VE GOT ALL THE INGREDIENTS I NEED

DECENT INTERNET, A MICROPHONE

WHERE DO I SIGN

breakman · #43 08-24-2016, 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BEAT

I got one video's worth left to post but it's in the form of a few separate files that need to be edited together. Hopefully I'll be able to get THE GANG together when we're all in the proper frame of mind for recording real soon.

How you guys enjoying this so far? Is anyone even following this? IS THIS THREAD THE INTERNET VERSION OF A MADMAN, SCREAMING TO HIMSELF INSIDE AN EMPTY CELL?

I saw that you started playing last night, but the stream was really choppy :/

BEAT · #44 08-24-2016, 07:27 PM

Yeah last night's efforts got called off real quick. You missed othing at all

Torzelbaum · #45 08-24-2016, 11:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BEAT

How you guys enjoying this so far? Is anyone even following this? IS THIS THREAD THE INTERNET VERSION OF A MADMAN, SCREAMING TO HIMSELF INSIDE AN EMPTY CELL?

I can't look away from you torturing yourself with this train wreck of a game.

muteKi · #46 08-25-2016, 12:17 AM

your suffering brings me delight as always, beat

Lucas · #47 08-26-2016, 10:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Torzelbaum

I can't look away from you torturing yourself with this train wreck of game.

BEAT · #48 09-13-2016, 09:01 AM

BEAT · #49 09-13-2016, 10:17 AM

PART 15

JEBUS SAVES
CHAPTER 2.6 - CHAPTER 2.7
THEOLOGIANS
Fanboymaster - MarsDragon - Patito

I'm sure if we dig real deep, we'll find that it's actually a very nuanced commentary on the nature of organized modern religion.

NOTES

"THEY WANT YOU TO PUT THE POPE ON A BALLOON IN THIS ONE." "They can want what they want but that don't mean I'm gonna do it."
CHAPTER 2.6 IS PRETTY EASY HONESTLY. Pope it out of the hole. Mafia it over to the left. Jebus it through the wall. Yogi it home. Woo.
SO OF COURSE CHAPTER 2.7 IS JUST HORRIBLE. You can see what they WANT you to do right off the bat. Some crazy shit with motorcycles and bombs and ramps and precisely-timed midair collisions.
I IMMEDIATELY DECIDE TO BLOW ALL THAT SHIT OFF AND JUST JEBUS THE BALL STRAIGHT TO THE GOAL. I mean they're right next to each other. And sure enough, when I give it a shot, Jebus dutifully floats the ball right through the platform, and drops it a single pixel away from where it needs to go! Well hey great! All we gotta do is drop down pope rat or Yoga Rat to make them scoot it over that last half inch and done, right?
...RIGHT? Oh you son of a bitch PICE OF SHIT PUNKASS MOTHERFUCKER OF A GAME WHY CAN'T YOU LET ME HAVE THIS.
FOR SOME FUCKING REASON JEBUS RAT JUST STOPS WORKING ENTIRELY. He'll start moving the ball, only to get it completely stuck where the floor and switch meet. There is no explanation for this, because neither he or the ball's starting points have changed at all since our first attempt. I guess you that this was a developer-intended safeguard to keep people like me from totally cheesing the game. I don't buy it, partially because of the glitchy way the ball clips around when stuck, and partially because...
THE SOUNDS THAT HAPPEN WHEN THE BALL GETS STUCK ARE HORRIBLE. Every time Jebus grabs the ball, it plays a clip of the Hallelujah Chorus from Handel's Messiah. And when it gets stuck the song fucking skips like a scratched CD. The first note again and again and again and again until I finally give up and hit stop. It's a crime against hearing and I am a criminal for inflicting it upon you.
NO MATTER WHAT I TRY, I CAN'T REPLICATE THE SUCCESS I HAD ON MY FIRST ATTEMPT. It's the most Bad Rats thing ever. A solution that works perfectly once and then never works again.
THEN THE GAME CRASHES. Which is the most bad
TWO WEEKS LATER, I TRIED AGAIN. Unfortunately something WEIRD was going on with OBS that day and both the stream and local copy came out looking more like a slideshow than a video. The footage was completely unwatchable and we stopped less than 5 minutes after we started.
BUT SOMEHOW, DURING THOSE 5 MINUTES, JEBUS RAT SOLVED THE PUZZLE ALL BY HIMSELF. No help from anyone else. He did exactly what he did the first time and it worked flawlessly. So enjoy those 30 seconds of unwatchable slideshow, because there's no way in hell this game will ever let me get away with that again.

STATS

ORIGINAL SOLUTION FAILURES: 9
NONE
TOTAL: 9

BEAT FLIPS HIS SHIT:
FOR SOME REASON I WAS WEIRDLY RESTRAINED FOR THIS ONE. BUT HEY IF YOU THINK SOMETHING COUNTS POST THE TIME AND I'LL ADD IT WTFEVER.
TOTAL: 32

BEAT · #50 09-14-2016, 01:28 PM

PART 16

IN AND OUT AND IN AND OUT
CHAPTER 2.8 - CHAPTER 2.9
OBSERVERS ON THE PRECIPICE
MagFlare - Fanboymaster - MarsDragon - Doggy!

Hey remember that one time I solved a puzzle by by knocking the ball out of the stage and then dragging it back in? What are the odds of that happening again?

NOTES

VIDEO STARTS WITH US ALL TALKIN' BOUT TWITTER. Jaden Smith and Flat Earthers. The content our followers crave.
THERE'S A FEW RATS ALREADY PLACED ON CHAPTER 2.8. They're from the (mostly) scrapped video. The one that I mentioned in the last post. Don't worry about it.
I KEEP TRYING TO EXPLAIN BAD RATS TO MAGFLARE. Cuz it's his first voiced appearance in this series! This was a useless effort because 1.) he already knows exactly what bad rats is, and 2.) when this was recorded, my insomnia-addled brain couldn't have explained it's way out of a paper bag.
SO APPARENTLY BOMB RAT CAN NOW ONLY BE SET OFF BY THE BALL. I don't remember if I picked up on that detail earlier in this LP, but it's a significant change from OG Bad Rats where anything and everything would cause him to explode. Around 3:20 the motorcycle rams into him at full speed and just bounces off into the foreground.
DOGGY! One of my commentator's dogs got all excited! Aww! Excited doggy. Who is a good girl or boy.
I TOTALLY FORGOT TO SHOW THE ORIGINAL SOLUTION ON 2.8. I briefly flirted with the idea of going back and showing it, but quickly abandoned that idea when I realized I'd have to re-solve the puzzle. Fuck that busywork.
"BALL TROLLS." The guys The guys who go in REAL DEEP on flat earth shit have their own custom language that's absolutely breathtaking.
IN THE GRAND BAD RATS TRADITION, 2.9 IS A GIANT PAIN IN THE ASS. Rest in peace, beautiful dream that progress through this game would be anything resembling "Simple" or "Easy".
THE ANGLES AT WHICH KUNG FU RAT SENDS THE BALL ARE BASICALLY RANDOM. Like I'm sure there's something that influences what degree it'll go flying off at but fuck if I know how to figure it out.
GOING NOWHERE SLOW. There are PLENTY of instances of the ball going back and forth and accomplishing nothing in this video, but the one that starts at about 10:25 is impressive for the sheer volume of useless tracking dots scattered all over the front half of the map.
"THIS IS WHAT PURGATORY LOOKS LIKE, WATCHING THIS BROKEN PHYSICS MASTURBATE FOR 30 MINUTES." "I don't think it's fair to call it masturbation because I don't think the game's happy either. This is like that @dril tweet."
AT SOME POINT KUNG FU RAT STARTS KICKING HIMSELF AROUND AS MUCH AS THE BALL. he boosts himself into the wall then knocks himself back out of it, doing cartwheels across the floor of his tiny little room. Eventually the ball gives up on the whole mess by flying into the foreground. And you know what THAT means...
THAT MEANS POPE RAT. From the joy in my voice you can tell that the novelty of solving 2D levels with 3D hasn't quite worn off for me yet. Unfortunately with our initial placement the pope's crazy rubber band slingshots the ball under the floor in the bottom right corner.
AFTER SOME USELESS FUCKING AROUND WE DISCOVER THAT ADDING BOMB RAT TO KICK RAT'S ROOM GIVE THE BALL A BETTER ANGLE FOR POPE RAT TO DRAG IT BACK TO THE STAGE. Re-read that sentence and tell me logic is something that still exists. I start shoving random items into the angle at the end to give the ball that last bounce when suddenly-
THE GAME CRASHES. It's like it knows. Like it knows that next time I'm gonna get it, so it's trying to drag out my victory for as long as possible.
AFTER I RESET, I SOLVE IT ON THE FIRST TRY. Please take a moment to appreciate not one, but TWO instances of the ball flying wayyy out into the foreground, only to come back just as fast thanks to pope rat's machinations. It's not QUITE on the level of 2.3, but goddamn, it'll do.
ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED! Is there a way to make steam take achievements back? Asking for a friend.
2.9'S ORIGINAL SOLUTION PLAYS BEHIND THE CURTAIN. AGAIN. If I had to make a wild guess as to why this happens I'd say it has something to do with what happens when you reloading a level after a crash. Possibly related to how the screen is zoomed way the hell out when I re-enter the level as well. Bad rats is a very well-programmed game.

STATS

ORIGINAL SOLUTION FAILURES:
CHAPTER 2.9 PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE RATS BEHIND THE CURTAIN.
TOTAL: 10

BEAT FLIPS HIS SHIT:
09:40
BEAT: HOLY CRAP IT GOT OUT!
MarsDragon: How?!
BEAT: I'M SO PISSED OFF AT THIS!

11:04
BEAT: WAIT WAIT WAIT IT'S HAPPENED AGAIN! I'M JUST GONNA LET IT RUN! I'M JUST GONNA FUCKIN RUN OUT THE CLOCK ON THIS ONE.

15:10
BEAT: There! No what mother fucker? See what you've pushed me to- IT DIDN'T EVEN CARE! AUUURRGGHG!IT DIDN'T EVEN CARE.

16:05
BEAT: OH OH OH OH OH! OH! This is getting intresting! This is...
Magflare: Ahahaha!
BEAT: This shit might be happening!
FanboyMaster: What no. What is happening?!
MarsDragon: What? WHAT?
BEAT: IS THIS SHIT HAPPENING?! AUUUGGGH IT TAPPERS TOO MUCH AT THE END!
FanboyMaster: NOOOOOOO
BEAT: AAAAH FUCK! FUCK IT'S SO CLOSE! OHHHH I'M SO PISSED OFF I CAN'T EVEN.

19:16
BEAT: Guys that worked.
FanboyMaster: NO!
BEAT: That worked!
FanboyMaster: I am happy, yet disgusted.
MarsDragon: Wow!
BEAT: NO NO I'M OVERJOYED! THAT WORKED! DID YOU SEE THAT SHIT! THAT IS HOW BROKEN THIS GAME IS!
Magflare: Oh my god.

TOTAL: 37

BEAT · #51 09-14-2016, 01:44 PM

08:20
MagFlare: I also think it's adorable how they're all trying to offend people. Like some low-rent "South Park".
BEAT: It's very much a low rent South Park! They named a rat Jebus Rat!
FanboyMaster: The entire aesthetic here is just are you offended yet?
MarsDragon: Look I'm so edgy!
BEAT: It's like if- It's like if you took 20 Shadow the Hedgehogs and locked them in a room, this is the game they would eventually make.
MagFlare: That'll stick it to those SJWs!

fanboymaster · #52 09-14-2016, 02:24 PM

I maintain that just because the game is masturbating poorly doesn't mean it isn't masturbating.

BEAT · #53 10-11-2016, 08:43 PM

HEAD'S UP I'M PLANNING ON STREAMING MORE OF THIS AT LIKE 10:45-ISH MY TIME.

SO LIKE.

IN AN HOUR OR SO.

http://www.hitbox.tv/beathatesall

BEAT · #54 10-11-2016, 10:23 PM

OKAY I'M SORTA SETTING UP NOW IF YOU WANT IN MSG ME THRU SKYPE OR DISCORD OR YELL AT ME IN THE HITBOX UNTIL I NOTICE YOU.

http://www.hitbox.tv/beathatesall

fanboymaster · #55 10-12-2016, 10:34 PM

THE RIDE NEVER ENDS MOTHERFUCKERS

aturtledoesbite · #56 10-12-2016, 11:19 PM

I mentioned the achievement image summing up how I felt.

It was just a rat version of this.

BEAT · #57 10-13-2016, 04:03 PM

PART 17

CRASHCEPTION
CHAPTER 2.10 - CHAPTER 2.11…
DEAD MEN WALKING
Fanboymaster - MarsDragon - MagFlare - Magflare's Son

In which Bad Rats kills itself, but doesn't die.

NOTES

2.10 IS ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE ANNOYING "GET THE BALL OUT OF TINY SPACE" LEVELS. Fuck that noise. Jebus Rat to the rescue.
WE BRIEFLY DISCUSS "THE SUPER NAIL". The Super Nail was the in-game reward for finishing OG Bad Rats. When I got it in my original LP, I assumed it was for nailing the rats to the wall so they wouldn't move. Bad Rats has turned me into a monster. There is no saving me. I am too far gone.
THE ENDING ANIMATION FOR 2.10 IS THE NUCLEAR BOMB AGAIN. I don't even try to show the original solution. We already know exactly what will happen. Counting it as an original solution failure because seriously.
IN KEEPING WITH THE ESTABLISHED PATTERN, 2.11 IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE. Seems like every video in this series now consists of one level that's effortless and one that's torturous.
MAGFLARE WROTE US A BAD RATS HAIKU!
Cherry blossoms fall
And float on the placid stream
Bad Rats sucks fat balls
I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I DECIDED THIS SOLUTION REQUIRED A GIANT WALL OF GARBAGE IN THE BOTTOM RIGHT CORNER OF THE MAP. "What's the point of it all when you're building a wall, and in front of your eyes it disappears."
PROTIP: MAFIA RAT'S ENTHUSIASM CAN BE COUNTERED WITH FOOTBALL RAT'S FALLING CARCASS. If that sentence makes sense to you I have bad news: You're at least half as far gone as I am. Turn back now while you still can.
MY CONTINUED FAILURE TO SOLVE THE PUZZLE IS INTERRUPTED BY MAGFLARE SENDING ME A GIFT! Magflare is a wonderful person who spreads joy wherever he goes. We are better people for having Magflare in our lives.
EVENTUALLY I TEAR DOWN MY WALL SO I CAN USE IT'S COMPONENTS TO PLUG THE GIANT STUPID GAP THE BALL KEEPS FALLING INTO. I miss you already, giant stupid wall I built for no discernible reason.
SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE: MAGFLARE'S SON! While I was initially wary of exposing an impressionable child to this sort of malignant evil, the kid is on point, immediately identifying the game as "grotesque" and as something he wouldn't play. And that means I'm dumber than a 7-year-old.
AROUND THE 15 MINUTE POINT THE GAME TELLS ME IT DIED, THEN JUST SORTA… KEEPS GOING. You can't see it in the video because my recording setup only captures the game window, but the game threw up it's terrible crash message for a split second, only to immediately take it back and keep on keepin on like nothing happened. You remember that bit in No More Heroes 2 where Skelter Helter survives getting fucking decapitated? It's like that but with Microsoft Windows.
HAVE I TALKED ABOUT HOW TERRIBLE THE BALLOON IS YET? The balloon was one of the absolute worst parts of OG Bad Rats, so the fact that it's even more glitchy and terrible here is almost impressive. From the very start it decides to connect to Jebus rat at an impossible sideways angle, then swings him weightlessly into the ceiling a moment later and WAIT WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?
THE GAME CRASHES AGAIN, BUT THIS TIME FOR REAL. Instead of giving the terrible smarmy "E-mail the devs" message it usually throws at me, it gives a standard windows error message. You remember that bit in No More Heroes 2 where Skelter Helter geefully rips his own head back off? It's like that but with Microsoft Windows.
AFTER STARING IN AWE AT BAD RATS SHOW'S IMPOSSIBLE FEATS OF DEATH, I END THE STREAM. Some might argue that stopping there I let the game "win" the hate-fueled battle of wills that rages between us. Only that's a lie, because nobody is stupid enough to confuse publicly executing themselves twice with "victory".

STATS

ORIGINAL SOLUTION FAILURES:
CHAPTER 2.10 YEAH IT'S THE FUCKING MUSHROOM CLOUD LEVEL RESET GLITCH AGAIN.
TOTAL: 11

BEAT FLIPS HIS SHIT:
01:46
Magflare: At least they give you an opportunity to skip the actual gameplay.
BEAT: Yeah, at least I can- FUCK! YOU GODDAMN IDIOT! MAFIA RAT, YOU'RE GOING INTO TIME-OUT!

12:53
BEAT: I'm going to try to use the Pope… to kill a Muslim. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW BAD THAT MAKES ME FEEL? LIKE, ON MULTIPLE LEVELS!
FanboyMaster: I regret that you even gave word to that statement.
MagFlare: There is nothing about this that could make anyone happy.

19:40
BEAT: I THINK THE CRASH CRASHED, AND THE GAME JUST SORT OF KEPT GOING!
MarsDragon: Wooooow.
BEAT: I KNOW!
FanboyMaster: Bad Rats literally does not know how to die.

TOTAL: 40

Torzelbaum · #58 10-13-2016, 05:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BEAT

In which Bad Rats kills itself, but doesn't die.

Not dead which eternal lie
Stranger eons death may die

Quote:

Originally Posted by BEAT

EVENTUALLY I TEAR DOWN MY WALL

Mr GorBEATchev, tear down that wall.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BEAT

nobody is stupid enough to confuse publicly executing themselves twice with "victory".[/LIST]

Unless you're talking about Donald Trump. (Sorry to bring politics that are bad into this thread about rats that are bad. Hmm... Are they also bad rats?)

aturtledoesbite · #59 10-13-2016, 05:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Torzelbaum

Not dead which eternal lie
Stranger eons death may die

dang it at least get it right

That is not dead which can eternal lie.
And with strange aeons even death may die.

Torzelbaum · #60 10-13-2016, 05:59 PM

I'm referring to something different but related.