Because only elves live in cities -- Let's Play Dwarf Fortress!

really why would you even ask

I think you'd probably need to kill everybody off first and then say "Alrighty, that was silly, let's try a different settlement point" or everyone will vote for reclamation to see you get it right next time.

Actually, I've never been able to reclaim a fort. Ever. DF invariably crashes whenever I try, without fail. So even if we WANTED, it probably wouldn't happen.

Of course, knowing me, I'd want revenge, and would go settle on the terrifying glacier in the far south with all the goblin fortresses on the island.

If you were truly lazy, you'd install IrfanView and not have to dick around with individually saving and cropping each image.

I really think this thread needs Yimothy to provide some of his illustrated takes on the proceedings.

Also, the saga of the Goddamn Batman is one of the funniest things I've ever read in an LP. (OK... That's mostly what I want to see Yimothy illustrate.)

Dude? Dude. Doc bro. Put the--put the fucking cat down!

Our glorious leader is currently freaking the fuck out in the aftermath of the Attack of the Goddamn Batman. He's gone straight for the cat and started THROWING HIM ACROSS THE HALL. Not cool.

Migrants! Thank god. Laborers that aren't psychotic. I can make this work, especially because they came in from the south, where the toxic slime isn't coating everything. I'm ordering them to stay outside for now, to gather some plants and eat from the rivers, until I can send a miner to tunnel out to them. Until then, though, I have a couple of projects I'd like to get done so that the dwarves inside can live. If we get them connected to the untainted land outside, though, we stand a chance--and no longer have to go to the caverns for water. Because there's a lake to the south. Turns out we could've avoided this entire fiasco. Whoops~

Goddamn leader is still attacking people randomly. I hope he feels better soon. If not, I may have to quarantene him.

We lucked out with the migrants. Among them, we got a miner, two farmers, an archer, and a goddamn lumberjack. This means he came with an axe. Which I can use to chop trees. Which gives me wood. Which lets me build more wooden axes. Which lets me harvest lots and lots of wood, for beds and other assorted goods. Most importantly, it allows the outsiders to be self-sufficient, at least for a little while, while I get the living situation sorted out. Currently, the plan is to dig a tunnel that goes underground and connects to the untainted ground, allowing us to shuttle what little supplies we have in and out.

Fortunately, being that it's summertime (9th Malachite, mid-summer), not only has the snow melted, but it's occasionally raining water instead of horrible death, which is washing some of the horrible death away. If the gods smile on us, there might be a clear path long enough to simply take the most important supplies inside and forgo Operation Fuck The Weather. Figures, because we're nearly done with that as it is...

It appears to be raining water AND bitter filth at the same time. While this doesn't help with the problem of washing away the crap that's accumulated, at least it's not building up again. Also, I desided, in addition to the use of burrows to keep the underground folk inside, and the aboveground folk in the safe zone, I designated the filth-ridden areas to be "high traffic" areas, and the underground passage to be "restricted traffic." What this means in metagame terms, is that for the purposes of pathfinding, dwarves will count a restricted tile as representing a much greater distance than, say, the safe path. The defaults state high traffic zones to be 1 tile, normal zones 2, low traffic 5, and restricted 25. I upped it to normal zones as 7, low traffic 30, and restricted 100. I do NOT want these idiots going through the crap.

God DAMMIT. I tried to seal off the caverns while retaining lakeside access, but I missed a pathway in, and a cave crocodile bit the head off a miner down there. Fuck my life. Down to 3 dwarves left in the fortress proper. Going to look forward to when I can seal that place off entirely and just use alcohol instead of cave water.

Oh god DAMMIT he went UP THE FUCKING STAIRS FOR THE OTHER DWARVES. We may very well be bonered. This might just be the end of the run.

Two out of the original seven are still alive, and they're being used as distractions to keep the croc from ruining my only chance at survival. The tunnel is almost finished, and I've ordered the miner to wall off the fort-side entrance. Then, he'll dig his way up and anyone who's still alive is getting their ass down there and we're walling it off until the croc leaves. This is our last stand--the miner did manage to tear one of its lungs before it went down, but all our military equipment is in range of the croc, and there's no way we have the ability to mount a proper attack without getting the FUCK to safety. Likewise, there's no way we can seal the croc inside, or even cut it off from our outdoor living area. I'm counting on him running through the bitter filth to try and get at my guys once the starting seven are all exterminated, and him passing out will buy us valuable time.

One of the Dead Men is, in fact, dead--down to one. Fortunately, the croc went after the pigs next, which are to the north. It looks like we'll be able to get everyone inside and to safety. Thank god.

SUCCESS! We had a little mishap where the crocodile came after the miner, but I was able to order everyone down into the bunker and the miner made his way inside JUST as the wall was going up, locking the crocodile outside. This, of course, presents a new problem--we have to kill the croc before we're able to take back the surface, OR the fortress. Fortunately, they're not immune to cage traps...

I'm almost insulted. After butchering the last of the dwarves on the surface, the croc just made a beeline for the south exit and left the map. We won't be seeing him again... but at least we can unseal the bunker. I will be outfitting it for prolonged survival in the near future, though, but I've got some stuff to do before the next Awful Thing From The Caves comes to say hi.

I am SICK and tired of the dwarves trudging through the awful filth to do whatever they feel like, so I've put a permanent stop to it. No more shall the former main entrance be used. From now on, dwarves shall enter and exit ONLY through the underground tunnel, and never shall they walk up on the tainted plains. NOT FUCKING COOL, GUYS. NOT FUCKING COOL.

Okay, so it's entirely possible I fucked up. The river froze over again, and I'm gonna need to go back into the caverns for water, at least briefly. Once we're no longer in danger of dying from thirst, though, I'm going to access the booze from our wagon. No more of this bullshit.

We're finally starting to recover. The chances of any more cavern creatures saying "hi" are incredibly low, so I'm only taking my chances with surface creatures--which in addition to being much tamer on average, are also likely to be passed out eternally in the filth, as it's no longer raining water. There was a bit of a morale problem, but it's on the rise now. On the 8th of Sandstone (Mid-autumn), a new set of 4 migrants arrived--much needed manual labor. Of course, they're going to have a very hard time getting inside, as they spawned on the north side of the map, the EXACT opposite side of the safe zone. They're going to have to trudge through the bitter filth for months, passing out every step of the way. And no fucking way am I sparing anyone to try and help them along. It's a fruitless endeavor. We are, however, starting to slowly build up a supply of plants, and we even have some booze that I recovered from the wagon. Operation Fuck the Weather still hasn't happened yet, as I've been more concerned with keeping everyone sane and supplied with what we hve. It really will be any day now, though. The fort is in a sad state of affairs right now, but we're surviving where I expected to be announcing "LP's over gaiz." The main thing to do is get enough supplies consolidated on the interior, so I can move everyone inside. I won't be able to do it this year, but I'd also like to try and see if I can force the caravans to spawn in the south via strategic blockades, so that they won't get slimed on the way in. When they do show up (which will be VERY soon) my plan is to trade them spiked wooden balls (which have a notoriously high trade value per unit effort of production) for anything that will help us survive. Probably lots of booze and plants, as by this point, we have most of what we need, we'll just be roughing it for a while until I get everything properly set up.

No screenshots this time because there really wasn't much worth screenshotting. Not even the croc combat logs, it was a one-sided massacre.

Wait.. First there was the Goddamn Batman and now Killer Croc shows up?

LaularuKyrumo, did you start this LP just so you could post your DC comics fan fiction?

The non-screenshot version is perfectly fine, that was hilarious as it stood.

I have to say that this would be awesome with some illustrations.

......

I've never read a comic and I didn't know Killer Croc was a DC villain. o_o

EDIT: Wow, I did a google search. Killer Croc is from the Batman-verse. Well, now I have no choice but to bring on the Joker.....

No. It has to be animal-themed characters. Like the Penguin (Can you be attacked by penguins in this game?) or Cheetah.

Penguins can attack, but not in the mountains. They live in glaciers. They also are a LOT more docile than the other things we've had to deal with so far. And "the Joker" is pretty much final-boss caliber anyways, so we won't be seeing him for a LONG time. But make no mistake, it will happen. If only because I've never actually done it before and am too stupid to resist the temptation.

Anyway. 4 migrants brings us up to 9, which is exactly enough dwarves to assign all the vital labors I need done among the crew. Now we wait for the newbies to come to the safe zone, and the glorious labor can begin. It'll be slow and involve a lot of micromanaging, which truthfully, doesn't make for very good storytelling. I've got enough plants to brew for alcohol, and they're all aboveground crops, but I need to dig out an underground farm for the bag of rock nuts I managed to collect. They yield Quarry Bushes, which can be processed for a bundle of leaves. These make excellent filler for prepared meals, allowing us to take the little food we have and make it last. I also want to dig out a spot to put some beds, since that'll help with the morale. A good dining area wouldn't be bad, either, but that might have to wait a little bit.

The other important thing I need to do is make some goddamn cage traps! The only entrance left into the fortress from the caverns is very unlikely to be used, since it only goes out to the lake--swimming or flying creatures only. This will keep out the troglodytes and the giant cave spiders, but we still have bats and crocodiles and even giant cave swallows if we're unlucky. However, a line of cage traps between the lake and the staircase will keep our dwarves from getting munched, and we're at a stage of the game where I can't afford to spare a single bearded man.

The labor situation is coming along nicely, as we march through the month of Felsite (late autumn.) Farms are up, beds are set up, we're working on a dining room next to help with the morale situation. However, there's one thing that kind of annoys me, and for a brief moment, gave me a heart attack.



So that weird accented N tile represents some kind of creature. Werewolves, vampires, ghosts, zombies and necromancers all use that tile. Now, I've confirmed that this map doesn't reanimate (thank Armok), so when I saw that N I freaked out, worried that I had not, in fact, confirmed the lack of reanimation. But no, that's not a zombie, it's just a ghost. It annoys me mostly because I never got a message saying "yo dawg you got a ghost", probably due to the ungodly amounts of job cancel spam I was getting before I sealed off the old fort entrance. These ones aren't the wicked, heinous kind, so I'm not in a huge hurry, but I've got a bunch of slabs on the way nonetheless. There are two ways to "properly" memorialize a dwarf, thereby preventing ghostly visitors: bury them in a coffin (which is a waste of space and also resources) or engrave them a headstone and set it up somewhere (which is the proper burial method and don't anybody ever tell you otherwise.)

Huzzah! The dwarven caravan arrived right on time, and they also were kind enough to approach from the swampy side of the map, instead of the part that rains horrible death. We're gonna trade whatever we can for whatever we can get, which will probably involve them giving us food in exchange for bone crafts and the spiked balls if we ever get them done. Also, when I was moving goods to the depot, I found this little gem:



I choose to interpret this as the dwarves being upset with the gods for having forsaken them in their hour of need. I mean, the god of food? Really? You're telling me that's NOT a slap in the face?

Mother. Fucker.

So, nobody got to the trade depot in time. As a result, they left without trading us anything. At all.

I.... I don't have words for how upset I am. I just.... ugh...

I'm gonna go to bed. Holy shit. Epic fail, guys. You had ONE job and you blew it.

I refuse to move the goods out of the depot. They're going to stay there until the next trading session happens. And until that time, we'll be working on a crafty design that allows wagons (and ONLY wagons) into the depot. Dwarfside access will be routed through a military-patrolled hallway, and sealed when not in use. This will prevent thieves from punking us--because yes, now we get to deal with kobolds. Next time, though. I'm... absolutely exhausted. Ugh.

Slabs take two workshop jobs to complete though! And they take up the same amount of space! It's coffins all the way down man!

I usually do both, out of respect for the dead, of course. And so I can read their slab, there's sometimes some pretty funny shit on there!

Coffins are impassible tiles. You can have a hallway full of slabs and it won't obstruct movement. Ergo, less space.

Huh. Never knew that. I always thought slabs were impassable too. Space is rarely a problem in my forts though. I've got 5 tile wide halls everywhere.

Isn't five tiles wide going to get you in trouble if you get mass invaded some time and need to seal off corridors?

(I have no idea, I'm mostly just querying.)

Invasions are actually laughably easy to keep out, usually. A drawbridge at the front entrance, linked to a lever in the great hall where most dwarves hang out, and you can have the whole fort sealed off from the outside in the time it takes a dwarf to move about 10-20 steps, depending on how fast the lever gets pulled.

This.

A drawbridge is one of my first orders of business.

Because it's more FUN I almost always fight my foes head on. I don't usually play in scary death areas though so perhaps I'd be a little less gung-ho if that were the case.

Oh man it's been a while since I've done this.

So today is the 22nd of Opal (Mid-Winter, month 11), and our main goal for now is "stability." I don't want this fort to crumble from so much as a stiff breeze. I don't want this fort to crumble if a goblin so much as looks at us funny. Because forget about these dwarves, my personal pride is on the line here. We survived this far. We can keep going.

However, things are about to get more difficult. While we've stabilized enough that we've got alcohol brewing (which means we no longer need the caves open at all), food is still scarce. I've got quarry bushes going and I'll probably start milling the longland grass into flour so that we can cook it into edible meals. Quarry bushes have incredible yields if you cook them, which can sometimes be a pain, but we don't have many other options.

The real concern, however, is the aforementioned goblins. You're safe for the first year, but that year is almost up, and so kobolds and goblins could arrive at any time. Kobolds come in invisible squads of 1-4 that sneak around and look for stuff that isn't nailed down that they can run off with--and if they get away with it enough times, they'll start sending steath squads to murder guys. They're usually timid, but that's also what I said about the goddamn batman--and they're also immune to traps.

Goblins, on the other hand, are much more awful. They can send thieves of their own, which I think can take stuff, but they're more interested in your children. They come with a sack that they stuff kids into and then run off with them. They're also more aggressive than kobold thieves. They also regularly send ambush squads, groups of armed warriors that come on invisible until your bearded men walk straight into them, and they come in greater numbers than kobold thieves. And if you get over a certain population (not likely in this situation but still possible, as I tweaked the numbers for certain other dangers in worldgen and I don't know if it applies to this specific trigger), they send full-on sieges.

But before they send sieges, we're likely to run afoul of... other things. Creatures that I don't have a good name for, can't predict what form they'll take, and am really, really praying that we don't have to see until we're ready. If we hit a population of 30, they will come. Whether we like it or not.

So the first order of business is to lay the groundwork to move everything inside. I want to finish making the trade depot ambush-proof, which shouldn't take long, but then I'm digging out just enough space inside to dump all the garbage I have laying about outside. Then we dismantle the workshops, move those inside, and finally we move the farms. Hopefully we'll have started up a stock of underground plants by that time (the same kinds of generic "shrubs" that spawn overland can also do so underground in the soil layers once you breach the caves) and we can still get our alcohol from them, but that'll have to happen in its own time.

The other thing I want is to fortify our defenses. I've got plans to set up drawbridges at the only route inside, and I'm also loading it the crap up with cage traps. In the unlikely (but possible) event that a savage wildbeast (or a goblin) slips past my watch, the traps will capture them, and we can publicly execute them. (Or put them in a pit and expose it to the bitter filth for my personal amusement.) Once that's taken care of, we'll start arming ourselves for battle, just in case. Also, a longer term project is to work on ways to keep migrants from showing up in the filth-covered part of the map, because it's a pain to get them inside. We also still don't actually have fresh water that we can use for bathing yet--that's a project for much later in the future.

New rule: I don't care how restrictive my hauling settings (currently only the farmer and stonecrafter are allowed to haul, and even then only food, "items", garbage, and furniture), but everyone is allowed and expected to store food properly so it doesn't go bad. Because seriously. We need that shit, you dumb basses.

Well. The good news about the bitter filth is that it generates combat reports whenever someone gets caught in it and starts throwing up. LIKE THE FUCKING KEAS THAT JUST SHOWED UP ON MY FRONT DOOR!

Keas are not dangerous. Not explicitly. They're small parrots that like shiny stuff. In Dwarf Fortress, however, keas, like all creatures, have their behaviors amped up to meme-worthy status. Keas have tags that allow them to target any item on the map and run off with it. Normally this isn't a problem, as I keep my fortresses under tight security. However, given the current situation, and the fact that the wagon WITH ALL MY STUFF IN IT IS JUST SITTING IN THE OPEN, GETTING RAINED ON, I'm a little concerned. I'm drafting emergency crossbows to smite these buttmunches. Not happening, guys. Nobody steals from me. NOBODY.

I AM FUCKING ANGRY AND THIS IS MY OUTSIDE VOICE AND I WILL KILL YOU WITH IT

It took them until the 14th of Obsidian (Late Winter, 12th month) to show up, but the Keas are advancing on us slowly. The civvies are freaking out, so I drafted the brewer to go show them what for. They should be easy targets with the effects of the filth working still on them, but only if he can punch their lights out quickly. Which relies on a dwarf deciding to do anything urgent in a reasonable amount of time.

Yeah, like THAT'S gonna fucking happen.

MOTHER FUCKER. One of them got away with a spiked ball. Goddammit.

Edit: TWO of them took spiked balls.

THREE.

FOUR!!!

AND THE LAST ONE GOT AWAY WITH A CLOAK SOME DEAD GUY HAD.

This is why Keas are awful and should be shot on sight. And another reason I'm moving everything inside as soon as I can.

Ugh. I screwed up the wagon-only depot access. Been a while since I built one. At least the fix is fairly simple. I also need to eventually replace all the wooden buildings with clay, but that's a project for another day.... like, when I'm not so pressed for time that I have the luxury of caring what I build things out of and what I use my wood for.

Ahh. Spring has arrived, and with it, the new year. It is the 1st of Granite, 102 (Early Spring, 1st month), and with a new year comes time for celebration, but also new challenges. I'm currently praying to every available deity that we don't get accosted by any more PROBLEMS before we get our ducks in a row. We're getting closer... while it's still a dream, it's a dream I can almost grasp.

There's a bobcat on the map... it's stuck in the filth, so it won't be going anywhere for a while, but it makes me nervous.

Bobcat's gone... and I FOUND A GIANT CAVE SPIDER IN THE CAVES.

Fortunately, it's approximately not even close to where it could still potentially get in, and it would have to be able to swim AND fly to pull it off. I assure you it can do neither of those things. It will not be making us sad today.

Oh good lord more migrants. Labor is going to be imperative in getting this shit done--more guys means we can haul all the stuff inside faster and then close up shop out here.

There's... just one problem.

We got 23 migrants.

Now, the first two waves you get are special. They're hardcoded to show up at certain times, with certain numbers of dwarves, and they'll happen right on time even if there are literally no more dwarves left alive in the world.

Once those come, though, you're at the mercy of what the game thinks you can handle. The game sends you guys based on created wealth, and the algorithm is infamous for sending you an assload more dwarves than you're necessarily ready for at the stage of the game they come at.

23 is not too bad. It's about average, I'd say. I've seen people get 50+ dudes in the 3rd wave. The problem, however, is that we had 9 dwarves already.

This puts us at 32.

This is more than 30.

This is not good.

It's the 5th of Slate (Mid-spring, 2nd month), and I'm going to call it here... I'll process the migrants when I'm less tired and also more prepared mentally for what will inevitably come AFTER them. And believe me. They will come.

No screenies this time since it was pretty much just maintenance. Except for the surprise Keas attack, this was mostly an exposition update. The calm before the storm, if you will.

Oh who are we kidding. More like the calm BETWEEN storms.

The next update will be exciting. Be sure to take lots of screen shots.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are officially in lockdown mode.

22 dwarves arrived on the 5th of Slate (2nd month, mid-spring), bumping us up to 32. I appreciate the labor they will provide--and indeed, with the exception of the soap-making and glassmaking industries, we have at least one dwarf assigned to every possible profession that isn't a complete and utter waste of effort, with at least two assigned to the more important and immediately useful labors. However, the influx of population is sure to draw the ire of, if nothing else, the local goblin civilizations (of which there are three), and we will also more than likely get a visit from some... other uninvited guests. So anybody who's not doing something important is set to haul stuff, and I'm hauling everything from outside the fortress to the new storage pile I set up:



I could try to justify the exact setup I have here in any number of ways that fit within the in-game canon, but let's face it: at the end of the day, what I'm doing here is a result of an oversight. Normally, you set up a stockpile, and dwarves will go and fetch items of types that are allowed in that pile, and then bring them there, storing one item per tile. However, you'll notice the tan object in the center. That, my friends, is a minecart.

The most recently added major feature to Dwarf Fortress, available to play with only as of version 0.34.07 (current version 0.34.11), the intended use of minecarts is to automate transport of goods over long distances. They take quite a bit of effort and infrastructure to use properly, and are usually only useful when transporting large quantities of heavy goods over many, many tiles. The most common transport done is moving ores and fuel from the main fortress down into the depths, below the caverns, to the magma sea, where the heat of the molten rock is used instead of burning coal to power forges and smelters. With proper irrigation, it is even possible to set up an entire colony down in the magma sea, entirely self-sufficient, their only contact with the upper fortress via the minecart that receives raw materials and exports finished goods, usually for the military.

However, this is, by far, not the most common usage. While minecarts were intended for transport, they come with a slew of, if not necessarily bugs, oversights and quirks that the devious minds of the dwarves have learned to exploit for their own purposes. As it turns out, a quirk of the in-game physics allows for infinite storage. When items are loaded into a minecart, they travel along the intended path, and then stop at a specified stop. At this location, the cart may be ordered to dump its contents in a direction, where there is ideally a waiting stockpile to accept the goods. However, when this happens, all of the items in the cart end up stacking on the same tile, and there is no limit to how many items may accumulate this way. Therefore, many fortresses employ "Tracks to Nowhere" that consist of a pile feeding into a minecart, that is set to simply dump its goods nonstop, therefore piling them all onto one tile for efficient storage. It can be a little bit fiddly to set up initially, but once it is, it requires absolutely no further input from the player, as any item that enters the "feeder" stockpile (the green one) will be stored on the target stockpile (the center tile), and one need only edit the settings on what items, and from where, the feeder pile will accept, in order to adjust just how aggressively dwarves use that pile.

There is, however, one minor flaw. For whatever reason, bins and barrels must be forbidden on both the feeder and target pile. There's a reason for exactly why and how, but having any bins or barrels causes the whole process to gum up. What this means for the average user is that food can't be stored on these piles--which is why I've got the area just to the south, ordered for excavation, to store all the food.

The other thing I'm finishing up before we lock the fort down permanently is a secure trading depot. I'll need to tweak things slightly in the future, but we can do that when I have a militia to guard the carpenters/masons when they do their work. Once we get the basic setup done, though, we will have an area for the merchants and our broker to meet that absolutely cannot be invaded by, say, a swarm of angry gnomes.

Oh no! A capybara! RUN FOR THE HILLS!

For reference, this is a capybara:



This is a classic example of dwarven AI. Civilians will perceive any wild animal, even a fucking capybara, as a threat, and run away screaming. This is good when giant bats are involved, but... come on. Not only do I KNOW these things are harmless, but they've also been swimming in the bitter filth. Extra super harmless. You could beat them to death and cook them for dinner if you wanted!

Oh well. They'll clear out eventually (or I'll order them to be slain) and we'll be able to grab the stuff they're "guarding." In the meanwhile, the chosen 22 are filing in to do their work.

Well, butts.

'Mason 3' Enamrimtar, Hunter cancels Store Item in Stockpile: Taken by mood.
'Mason 3' Enamrimtar, Hunter has been possessed!

So this, my friends, is another thing that happens once you get over a certain population. As long as you have more than 20 dwarves in your fortress, every dwarf gets put into a virtual lottery. After a certain time, the game pulls someone's name, and they get to experience a "strange mood." They come in several flavors, some better than others, but they all have several things in common. The gist of it is that the dwarf gets inspired to make an Artifact, which is an item of the utmost quality and is eligible for historical engravings and literature. However, when dwarves get inspired, they get FUCKING INSPIRED. As soon as the mood strikes, the dwarf in question drops whatever he was doing, and does the following, in order:

He claims a workshop that relates to his "highest moodable skill" (the most experienced labor he has that is capable of producing an artifact--so, excluding stuff like soap making, farming, and butchery.) If he has no moodable skills, he will claim a craftdwarf's workshop. If no such workshop exists, he will stand in place until the workshop exists. If someone is working in the shop he chooses, he will kick them out.
He will begin searching for the first item in a list of materials, and upon finding one, will take it back to the workshop and repeat the process until all materials are gathered. The materials he requires to complete the job are determined when the mood is taken, and can be general (any boulder) or specific (bars of bismuth bronze.) If the requested item is not available, he will sulk in his workshop until it is and give hints as to what he wants, with the format differing based on the mood type.
Once all items are gathered, he will begin work, and eventually complete the item, with an announcement. The type of item he will produce is determined at the outset of the mood.

The entire process has an invisible timer on it. If the dwarf does not complete his job in time, he will immediately go insane. Insanity comes in three flavors, and they are all incurable and 100% fatal. He will either get fatally depressed, go completely neurotic and run around like a maniac, or go berserk and try to kill anyone and anything until he is put down or starves to death. If he succeeds, though, you have an artifact, the dwarf will instantly become legendary in whatever skill he was using (Unless the mood was a possession, fml), and he will receive a massive boost to his morale, as well as becoming immune to mood-based insanity. The same dwarf will never attempt a mood more than once, as a dwarf who has made an artifact is ineligible for a second, and failure always results in death.

So, here's hoping our buddy mason makes something good, since he's not getting any EXP boost from this....

Shit. He took the craftdwarf workshop instead of the mason's workshop. Crafts are usually not that good, and if he's not getting any EXP out of this, well, that's just sad.

At least it won't be difficult. He wants rock (which we have in abundance) and cut gems (which we CAN have in abundance, as we have the rough gems in abundance.) So basically, this served as a good opportunity to explain moods, but a waste of my time. Fucking great.

o_o



So there are five types of mood. Two of them are incredibly rare, since only unhappy dwarves can enter them: a macabre mood, where a dwarf makes something out of a skeleton or vermin remains, or something gross like that, and then a fell mood, where the dwarf will go seek out another dwarf, brutally murder them, and use their body in the artifact. The other common mood types are fey, which is just an inspired dwarf, and secretive, when the dwarf is inspired, but a little more cryptic in its musings.

Then there's a possession. Our stonecrafter was possessed by something--we don't know what--and inspired to create an artifact... figurine. A figurine of one of the dwarves who tragically sacrificed himself holding back the cave crocodile that killed half our starting crew.

Yet another point in favor of Dwarf Fortress's sentience. I couldn't fucking make this stuff up if I tried.

I mean, in gameplay terms, the figurine is completely useless, since it's a trade good, but you can't trade artifacts. But.... the flavor.... Keep in mind that the guy who made the figurine? He was one of the new migrants. He's never heard of this guy. I mean, maybe he saw his memorial slab, maybe, but he doesn't know who he is, really. I also very rarely get dwarves actually making engravings or figurines depicting anything remotely interesting. It's usually just generic symbols, or the symbol of whatever our government is, or the occasional pleb who got ganked by some megabeast in aeons past. But... wow. Just wow.

Crud. The elves came early. I also need to decide what to do with them.... elves don't actually bring wagons, so there's currently no way for them to get into my depot. Ah well. Who really cares about the elves, anyways?

....I do, because I really need to get a jump start on some supplies. We weren't prepared to handle 30 dwarves on the meager resources we have, and so I'll be buying any alcohol and food they have. I can just tear down one wall and let them in... and hope that nothing bad happens.

Ugh. Reminded why I hate the elves: they bring NOTHING of value. I was able to buy all their edibles with about half of the clothes from a single dead guy. We didn't even bring half of the goods I ordered for trading, before I decided to see what they had. Spoilers: it wasn't a whole lot. Fuck these assholes. We're done trading, have a nice day.

We haven't gotten invaded yet (knock on wood) but it's already 19th of Hemanite (early Summer, month 4), and we're still bringing things inside. I missed a butchery workshop outside that was still active (it's since been taken down), and there's still wood that needs to come inside, and I still have to finish the wagon-only entrance (we're paving the path with clay so that trees don't grow and block the path.) Soon, though... and if all goes well, we might even be able to enact Operation Fuck the Weather.

Mother fucker. A wolverine that had been running around the map randomly decided it was going to start sipping haterade. It at least was kind enough to notify me it was enraged, instead of just maiming someone--but there ARE people near enough to maim. Luckily, I do have four archers, and with any luck, at least ONE of them will be in range to perforate it. Let's hope this is when we finally negate some curses.



And yes, as much as I hate Dave Mustaine's guts, that was a Megadeth reference. Because there's going to be some Mega Death.

Yup! As it turns out, one of the archers was in the area. If he gets a hit, this should be swift. Let's see...

well, he's missed twice so far....

"Wolverine is no longer enraged." THAT'S TOO FUCKING BAD, BECAUSE YOU STILL GET TO DIE. YOU MESS WITH THE BULL, YOU GET THE MOTHER FUCKING HORNS, BITCH!

I... should probably put a profanity warning in the OP. Just, in general, for this entire LP. Because yeah. Anyway, wolverine is still gonna die, no matter what.

Another miss...



AIM STRAIGHT, SHIT FOR BRAINS!

Bah. We didn't kill it, but it ran away without attacking anybody. Oh well. Moral victory. Stand down, men.

27th of Hemanite (4th month, Early Summer) and we've officially survived until the next migrant wave. We're still not locked down all the way yet, but we haven't gotten attacked. Yet. But know this: I have not been overhyping an event that may or may not happen. Mark my words, we will get some Uninvited Guests. It's only a matter of time now. Until then, though, new dwarves are named and assigned, and I'll see you guys next time. Peace out!

You're alive!

Well done. Shame about the figurine though.

There will be other moods, and they'll likely bring EXP with them. But how often do you get a POSSESSION that causes the dwarf to make a figurine of another, dead, dwarf? The only way that could've been better is if it had been someone related to him, or maybe an enemy or something. As it is, the whole thing was pretty flavor-ific.

Reading this really makes me want to play Dwarf Fortress. But 5 months ago I decided I'd wait for the next update before playing again. It's been awhile.

The recent lack of Dwarf Fortress is due to me being sick as a dog.

More shenanigans to come shortly. As in, when I'm less sick.

Did the rain get you?

It's been a while, ladies and gentledwarves.

Now that my sinuses are no longer clogged with enough mucus to drown a bronze colossus, it's time to get back to sealing up the fortress. The intrusion-proof trading depot is very near completion, delayed due to a miscalculation in the building plans. The new bedrooms are all but finished, and they're seven levels up above the main lobby, built into the mountainside so that they don't have to run way outside. They also don't need to be kept clean of trees. Everything outside is taken down, with the exception of some food still lying around a pile that I forgot to deactivate and a single boywer's workshop that hasn't been taken down. I've got the woodcutters out chopping down some more trees so that we have enough inside when we lock it down, the lack of wood isn't what kills us.

Man.... It shows how long it's been since I've played this. I've been sitting here for over an hour, the game still on pause. Just kind of staring at the screen, afraid of what might happen if I let things go. Admittedly, things could have gone much more poorly than they have.

You know what? Fuck it. Death before dishonor. LET'S GO VIDEO GAAAAAAAAAAMES

Well. Thankfully, the most interesting thing that has happened in half an hour is that some keas came back. I think this is why it's more interesting to read a text-LP of Dwarf Fortress than to watch, say, a livestream: the parts of the game that are uninteresting, are REALLY dull to watch. I literally am just watching and waiting for everyone to get their stuff hauled inside, and for the occasional dwarf to build a clay wall or road.

At least one of the guys hanging around decided that no parrot was going to steal on his watch, and shot him full of steel. I approve. We're having roast bird tonight.



This, right here, is the crux of our mechanism to keep the traders safe. It's a ramp that allows wagons through, but normal creatures will consider it to be unusable. We're about halfway through paving it over, but once we finish that, it'll require no further dwarven access.

Crap. Our armorer just went fey. Only problem being, we don't have a forge for him. The damn wagon is still inaccessible due to the freaking weather. I don't think there's much we can do for him, sadly. I'm still not -quite- ready to enact Operation: Fuck the Weather... but I don't want to lose this guy to insanity. So we might have to do the stupid thing. Alcohol is also starting to run low, so I've begrudgingly ordered the cave lake unsealed. We're loading it up with cage traps though, so while it's highly unlikely anything can get in, I'm prepared for if something does. Once we're no longer worried about this mood, I'll build a platform to seal off line of sight, because there IS in fact a cave crocodile swimming around dangerously close by.

Huh. Apparently we have bobcats on this mountain. That's not good.

Correction: We HAD bobcats on this mountain.

23rd of Limestone (7th month, early autumn) and we got new migrants. For a brief moment I had a heart attack because I thought the game was telling me I had an Uninvited Guest, but nope, just new dwarves. To replace the one we have who will soon be dead--I didn't get the forge up and running in time, due to still having yet to actually complete Operation: Fuck The Weather, and so poor Armsman 2 went insane. He will now mope around in depression for the rest of his short life, until he starves to death. Good for him. In the meantime, time to assign replacements as I process the new migrants.

I lied, actually. I simply can't be arsed to do it right now. Instead, we're going to finish up Operation: Fuck the Weather, and I'm gonna call it an update and deal with the new migrants later. Just ten guys, and we already have enough dudes. They can help out with the hauling until I'm ready for them to do things.

ugh.....

So I managed to cock up the trade depot situation. No wagons arrived because the depot was inaccessible. Well, it wasn't, actually. I just mass-forbade everything left on the surface that the dwarves hadn't brought in already and sealed the place up, and I forgot to unforbid the depot itself. Well, that just means no wagons. We can still trade. And we will. Furthermore, Operation: Fuck the Weather is about to be enacted.




That, my friends, is a wagon, supported by naught but a single stone pillar. If that pillar weren't there, then gravity would take over, bringing the wagon, and the earth it rests upon, down to our level to be collected.

Now, let's just imagine that the pillar was rigged up to a lever, so that if someone pulled the lever, the pillar would collapse, allowing this to happen without crushing any dwarves.

Oh. Wait a minute. There IS such a lever just outside those walls. The little white accented 'o' over there. Hmm.

PULL THE LEVER!




Ahh. Operation: Fuck the Weather is a rousing success. I had to do a bit of finagling to get the dwarves to dig out the land from underneath, without going into the muck itself, but at last, we have our supplies. Just gotta build a roof over them to make sure they don't get rained on, then I'm sending everyone down to collect stuff. Winter is upon us--in fact, it is the first day of winter, and the caravans await, but this is a good place to stop for now. Finally, our goods are recovered! Today is truly a day to celebrate. And we shall celebrate... with commerce!

Assuming the caravan doesn't leave before we get to the trading again. That was embarrassing.

Interesting plot to get your equipment. That update had much less FUN than I hoped, though.