Dealing with Dragons: Let's Play Dragon Age: Origins!

Welcome to Dragon Age: Origins!

Dragon Age: Origins is an RPG by Bioware, released in 2009, the one that kicked off Bioware's Dragon Age franchise (which now spans videogames, comic books, novels, movies, pen and paper RPGs, and Nerd Entitlement Rage Generators.) It was billed as a “dark fantasy,” and also as a spiritual successor to the Baldur's Gate series, which some still uphold as Bioware's finest work.

Does it succeed? I think it's fair to say “both yes and no.”

In this LP, we will be playing the Ultimate Edition, which includes all of the DLC, and we will be looking at that DLC as events (and narrative license) warrant. It also includes the Awakenings expansion pack, which occupies a sort of limbo between “DLC” and “old-timey PC expansion pack” Some might say that this should count as a separate LP claim, but Falselogic has probably already started skimming over this giant opening update so he will never find out.

There may also be some other Dragon Age-themed special events happening throughout the LP...

Before We Get Started:

1. Mark your spoilers!
DA:O has been out for quite a while now, so I know better to expect everyone to pussyfoot around every spoiler there is, but all I ask is that you mark them, so people who have never played this game don't stumble upon things like DRAGON AGE ORIGINS IS A GAME WITH DRAGONS IN IT and other plot twists that could ruin their fun.

2. Mods
Since we're playing on the PC, we will be seeing some mods...

Character Respecialization Mod – Allows us to respec any character at will, a feature that DA:O does not actually have until the Awakenings Expansion. This isn't essential, but it's saved me some headaches in the past, so I will be using it. I also like it because it looks funny.
Grey Wardens of Ferelden– This mod changes the Grey Warden armour in DA:O (and Awakenings) into the Grey Warden armour from Dragon Age 2. Because every PC Game LP needs at least one ultimately pointless mod that half of the audience hates, and this one is mine. (And I'll be damned if I let a single Grey Warden scene go by with a shred of dignity intact.)

If you have a favourite mod that is useful, and doesn't do anything stupid or creepy, PM me and I'll take a look at it. It might just see action in the thread, or I might just giggle with everyone else about your “Sexy Dragon” mod.

And now that we've established that, I need your help, Talking Time! You see, there are a lot of decisions for us to make before we can get started, and I'm not sure I can make them all by myself, so that's where you come in!


Choose a Name!

Each Origin gives Our Hero a surname for Lore reasons, so we will only need a first name. If the name is too long, I'll do my best to mash it in, but it won't be pretty.

Choose a Gender!

Male or Female, because Bioware are slaves to the cisgender binary. This will determine which Romances we will be able to do, if you all hate me enough to make me do a Romance.

Please don't hate me.

Choose a Class!

Dragon Age: Origins is all about getting back to basics, so there are only three classes to choose from. Each class will unlock a handful of specializations that will help fine-tune Our Hero, but at the beginning of the game, the choices boil down to...

Warrior – The sword and shield guy. Or if you're feeling bold, the two-handed sword guy.

Rogue – The knives (or bow and arrows) guy.

Mage – The magic guy.

Choose an Origin!

Dragon Age: Origins, as you may have already guessed, will start with Our Hero's origin story. There are six possible Origins for us to choose from, and the one we choose will determine how other characters react to our character throughout the game, and how we, in turn, can interact with them.

”Born to wealth and power second only to royalty, you find your training in both diplomacy and battle put to the test as your brother leads the bulk of your family's forces to war in the south...”
Starting Skill: Combat Training

”Wielding a power as dangerous as it is potent, you know that magic is a curse for those lacking the will to control it. You anxiously await your Harrowing, the one chance to prove yourself against the demons lurking without and within. Succeed, or be slaughtered by the knights who ward against your kind.”
Starting Skill: Herbalism

”You have always lived under the heavy thumb of your human overlords, but when a local lord claiming his “privilege” with the bride shatters your wedding day, the simmering racial tensions explode in a rain of vengeance.”
Starting Skill: Coercion

”Proud of your role as one of the few “true elves,” you have always assumed you would spend your life with your tribe... until a chance encounter with a relic of your people's past threatens to tear you away from everything you have ever known.”
Starting Skill: Survival

”As the favored child of the dwarven king, you proudly take up your first military command... only to learn that the deadly intrigues of family and sycophants may pose a greater danger than even the battlefield.”
Starting Skill: Combat Training

”Born casteless in a land where rank is everything, bound as the lackey and thug of a local crime lord, you have spent your life invisible... until chance thrusts you into the spotlight, where you can finally prove whether you will be defined by your actions or your birth.
Starting Skill: Stealing

It's important to note that if you want Our Hero to be a Mage, we are pretty much locked into the Magi Origin. We also cannot have a Dwarf Mage, because “Dwarves are shit at magic” is one of the few Dungeons and Dragons mechanics that the Dragon Age series wholeheartedly retains (except for when it is convenient to the plot to do otherwise.)

We could sidestep these restrictions, but that would require mods that are not Lore compliant!!!!!

Ahem. Anyway, last, but not least...

Do a Brief Online Survey!

Now, I fully intend to get plenty of thread feedback on the Big Issues, but I don't think I really need to post every five minutes with questions about whether I should GIVE MILK TO KITTEN or FEED KITTEN TO BADGER, so with the help of trusted academic resources, I have created a comprehensive psychological test that weighs and balances several subtle neurological factors to create a personality matrix upon which our Perfect Hero will be based.

Whatever choices are the majority by Tuesday (or realistically speaking, Wednesday/Thursdayish) are the choices we're going for. You'd better hope there isn't a tie, or that people don't just punk out and wait to see what I'll do if I don't get any votes on anything, or else I'll be forced to resort to drastic measures to keep your attention...

Answer honestly, and stay tuned, because adventure awaits!


Next Time: A Hero's Origin

Bonus:

Dragon Age: Origins Spoof Trailer

A serious and sober look at Dragon Age and its rich and deep mythos.

Female City Elf has the best Origin story, but I think Human Noble has the only Origin that's really relevant to the main plot, or even stays interesting beyond the first ten minutes of the game.

My vote is for Female Human Rogue.

Go bravely with Kos.

Needs more blood.

I enjoyed Dragon Age the first time, but every time I try to replay I lose the will to live about half way through Orzammar.

I vote for Female Human Mage, and I answered Mostly Cs in the in-depth psychological matrix evaluation quiz thing.

City Elf really is the best. I replayed it for a FRAPS test, and the very best part about it is that it's ten minutes long if you know what you're doing. Unlike some other Origins I could name.

Not having much to do with any of the real plot whatsoever is probably the tradeoff for that.

You're going to love a not-too-distant-future update, then!

I've tried to play this game a few times, but I could never really get into it. Who knows, maybe this LP will show me what I've been missing.

Actually, I just remembered that Steven Blum is in the Dwarven Noble Origin, and Steven Blum is awesome, so I'll vote for that. Female Dwarf Warrior, if you please.

Y'all are crazy. Dwarf Commoner is where to start. FROM THA STREETZ

My first run of this game (the only one I ever completed, really) was a Dalish Elf rogue. Incidentally, that's my vote for the origin because it's a hella fun origin. Like everyone else, though, I'm just gonna ignore the part about choosing a name because, seriously, naming characters in games is the worst.

I was going to save this for a rainy day treat, but let's not kid ourselves about what we're really in for. Besides, it's raining here today.



Dragon Age: Journeys is a flash game created by EA-2D, who mainly make a lot of flash games based on EA properties. They also made Wee War, which I can only assume (from the briefest and most judgemental of glances), is a broswer-based Advance Wars clone. A very consistent portfolio, if nothing else.

This game's claim to fame is that it is the prequel to Dragon Age: Origins, and as such, is integral to understanding the world and the backstory of the Dragon Age Mythos (in reality, it raises far more questions than it ever answers.) But the real reason anyone would ever play it is because back when it was brand spanking new, players could unlock three special items for their DA:O games if they played all the way through this and got all of the Achievements.

But the promotion came to an end in 2010, so we couldn't do that even if we wanted to. Besides, I- I mean, my Anonymous Source, already played through this thing once in a completely earnest and non-ironic fashion, and unlocked all of those things. So this is going to be just for fun. Fun is what we are going to have while playing a spinoff game in Flash for the internet. I cannot stress this enough. Positive visualization is the key to success in all endeavours.



The Dwarven Capital of Orzammar, as depicted in a child's diorama. The primary medium appears to have been taffy.



... Though forsaken and all-but forgotten by the men and the elves who walk the surface, the Deep Roads still teem with darkspawn. Amidst the rise of dark omens you head into peril, into the depths, into the Deep Roads...

Then the game dumps us unceremoniously into the Character Creator, where I diligently craft a hero to take us through this pulse-pounding journey.



Fun Fact 1: Dwarves only have one face.

Fun Fact 2: Screenshots cannot capture the effect, so every time you see Percy or anyone else in this game, picture them twitching and pulsing in place like hypercaffinated marionnettes, at all times.



I chose this Origin because it seemed like a very Percy sort of Origin. And since Dragon Age without blood is like peanut butter without jelly, it goes without saying that we're keeping the option toggled.

Our story opens with Percy getting made fun of by the Dwarven Warriors, who won't let him join in any Warrior Caste games. The only one who is willing to give him a chance is this guy:



Obviously, I chose the most pathetic response possible for Percy to give. (I know that having the mouse cursor in the shot is a major faux-pas in the world of Let's Play, but here I think it lends a certain air of authenticity to the overall DA:J experience. Also, I spent long enough as it is cropping all of the banner ads out.)



Not Pictured: Percy believing in himself and killing his very first Darkspawn, because I screwed up. How ironic.

But while Percy toils away...



Mutton-Chops Guy: Stay back, creature!
Hurlock Emissary: Fool, you have no power here. The deep places belong to us!
Beard Guy: Percy... run!



Aww... That Ogre is giving them all head-hugs! How sweet!



But Percy decides that he doesn't want a head-hug, and runs and runs and runs to Orzammar instead.



He gains a couple of levels along the way, so we teach him some things.

(DA: Journeys apes the overall look of the DA:O interface well enough, but whether out of practicality or necessity, the Talent Pool for each character is noticeably sparse when compared to the real thing. This won't really be a big deal for a Sword and Boarder like Percy, but the other characters in this game are kind of screwed when compared to their Origins counterparts.)

(I've left screenshots that have a lot of text slightly bigger than usual, because you absolutely needed to see every majestic detail.)



These Generic Dwarves look rather disappointed that Percy escaped from certain death.



Obligatory reminder that we are playing a Flash Game on the Internet with Social Media. "The Black Gate" is the name of one of the achievements of the game, which used to grant promotional items.

(Age of Champions, as far as I can tell, has no relation whatsoever to Dragon Age. It has every relation to women who are not wearing anything on top. If any of you think that's your sort of thing, there's a promo code for an Energy Potion right there. Honestly, I'm kind of impressed that they bothered to keep the ads updated for this long.)



Andrin: We found only you at the games of Orzammar, wounded, dazed, and rambling.
Percy: We ran into an emissary. He seemed different. He was... glowing?
Andrin: Glowing, you say? I've never heard of such a Darkspawn. Assuming you didn't just hit your head too hard, Martine would want to hear about this. She is the only Grey Warden left fighting with us and she pursues these bastards with a great fervour, even for her kind.
Percy: Where can I find her?
Andrin: She ventured into the Deep Roads several days ago with my last spare unit. With the preparations for Bownammar, a rescue party was impossible. Ardum, the healer, spoke with her before she left. He may help you find her. He shouldn't be hard to find, being one of the rare topsiders in Orzammar.



Beautiful Downtown Orzammar, ladies and gentlemen.

(If you can't read that thing on the side, ignore it. It's only a tutorial to teach me what a Town is.)

Somewhere in the shit-brown void, we find Ardum.

Ardum: Yes, but think nothing of it. As a healer, it is my duty to save the wounded from the brink of death. At least your injuries were different from the simple battle wounds I see every day.
Percy: I thought humans were rare in Orzammar. Why are you here?
Ardum: Working near the darkspawn gives me the opportunity to practice my skills, no matter how tediious. I am working on great things; perhaps some day you will see them.
Percy: I need to find Martine. Andrin says you know her whereabouts.
Ardum: I spoke with her before she left. I have some idea of where she might be. It will be easier to find her if I come with you. Only fools travel the Deep Roads alone.

Percy and Ardum head for the exit, but not before talking to a Dwarf with an unfortunate face (and an exclamation point above her head), just for the hell of it.



Arteme: Of course, I'm an expert in the restorative arts. I can make you a tonic that will permanently increase your strength and endurance. First, though, I'll need the stems from some deep mushrooms. Two should be enough.

A permanent stat boost for two deep mushrooms sounds like a pretty good trade, so Percy is all over that. But after this, we won't be bothering with any more sidequests.



It looks like Percy has already been declared the Hero of this little Journey, despite being a rookie who nearly died of horrific injuries that he sustained just yesterday. Granted, we don't really know Ardum's credentials either, but could be possibly be any worse?

(By the way, Dragon Age veterans probably have quite a few questions about why Ardum seems to have, how shall we say, "unique circumstances relative to his position." This will never be explained, though we can probably assume that EA-2D was having a tough enough time trying to fit every possible Origin and Character Class from the real game into the rich backdrop of Orzammar. Cut them some slack, okay?)



At least Percy has already figured out that you don't want to be the one walking in the front of the line down dark, scary, monster-infested tunnels.

A few screens later, knee-deep in a pile of blood and guts, Percy and Ardum find Martine.



Martine: If you're Andrin's rescue party, you are too little too late, I'm sorry to say.
Percy: What happened to your unit?
Martine: There's no time for banter. I've been fighting for days and I'm the only one left. Stand with me now against these tainted monsters.

So they do.



Fun Fact 3: Darkspawn blood is black.

Fun Fact 4: Martine drags her sword behind her when she walks (and twitches, and bobs) along. It looks kind of funny.

Fun Fact 5: Kill the Genlock Alpha first, because even though Genlocks don't use magic, they have an Area of Effect skill that can (and did) kick the shit out of a character or two here. (Look at me, acting like everyone here is going to Let's Play along with this.)



Martine: Many brave soldiers have fallen at the hands of darkspawn. Why must I worry about this tragedy?
Percy: This was different. He was glowing.
Martine: With all the horrors that have fallen at my blade, I've never seen anything like that. Facing such tragedy can often unbalance the mind.
Percy: I know what I saw. Glowing blue runes adorned his armor.
Martine: Glowing blue, you say? I've seen something like that before, but never on a darkspawn. If you speak truly, and my suspicions are correct... I have to talk to the king. Perhaps Andrin can secure me an audience.

Thankfully, this game has a Quick Travel feature so that Team Percy can return to Orzammar without having to march through these crappy tunnels again. This is one of the few things about Journeys that I can wholeheartedly say that Origins needed more of.



Andrin: Martine, you have returned alive! I didn't know if they would be able to find you in time.
Percy: The danger I found in the roads is real. I need an audience with the king.
Andrin: There is always danger that requires the king's ear. Our army is stretched to its limit preparing to retake Bownammar. Whatever merit your fears may have, the king has time for nothing but the preparations for battle.
Percy: If you can't help us, then who can?
Andrin: Ask whoever you wish, but your pleas will fall on deaf ears.

On one hand, I like how Percy has unilaterally decided that his story is a state of Dwarfish national emergency because a Grey Warden is kinda sorta humouring him for the time being. On the other hand, I love how Andrin, the military commander of the Dwarves, is all like “a new and horrible development in the Deep Roads isn't my or the king's problem, piss off.”

Martine: Andrin, this time you would do well to heed my warning. Retaking Bownammar is a fool's mission. It cannot succeed and will lead only to tragedy. It is clear to all, but everyone is too afraid of losing status to voice necessary doubts.
Andrin: Well, Dwarves have sticks up their asses about their Dwarven honour, so what are you going to do?.

Luckily for Team Percy, literally five paces away from Andrin is the start of a quest chain that will- Actually, this is a stupid quest chain and what little plot Journeys has conks out until the very end of the game, so I'll just run you through it really fast-like and rejoin the actual plot whenever it happens.



Pilgar: Get my lucky armour back from the Dwarven Carta.
Martine: I may not actually be leading this party, but by god I'm determined to be our official spokesperson and as such I will talk for years and years..



Percy: Give it back.
Thieves: Over our dead bodies!



Percy: This shadow makes it look like Martine has a handlebar mustache.

i]Pilgar: You got my armour back! Thanks! Now you can meet my friend, who is the random drunk hanging out around the bar, who didn't have an exclamation point above his head until now.[/i]



Belgar: My family are Nobles and my daddy can maybe get you in to see the king but I'm not gonna introduce you to him unless you get my drunk and lazy ass a promotion by bringing me four Genlock hearts. THEY HAVE TO BE GENLOCK HEARTS AND THERE HAVE TO BE FOUR AND ONLY FOUR OF THEM.
Martine: I am going to lick this guy's ass during this conversation even though I bitch about having to do this kind of thing later.
Ardum: I just realized that I haven't spoken a single word since we picked up Martine. I may never get to say anything ever again.



Shortly after leaving Orzammar, Team Percy finds some more Deep Mushrooms, which means that they have enough to give to Arteme for Dwarf Drugs. And since those Genlock hearts aren't going anywhere, Percy opts to Quick Travel back to Orzammar right away.



Percy's reward for his diligence?



That was literally the most rewarding questline in this game. I give it to Percy, because it's useless to Ardum and Martine doesn't deserve it. She just doesn't.

Eventually, Team Percy gains a handful of levels, finds a bunch of vendor trash, and gets all four Genlock Hearts. So they return to Belgar.

Belgar: Gareth will have to promote me now! But I'm also too drunk and lazy to ask him for a promotion myself, so you'll have to do that too. You'll probably find him over at armoury you never use because vendor trash is more than sufficient to trick out the entire party for the entire game. (Belch)

Gareth: Because this shopkeeper won't give me free stuff, I'm in debt to the Dwarf Mob up to my eyeballs. Hey! Maybe the Dwarf Mob can help you too!
Martine: Gareth, please tell us all about Dwarfish social politics and corruption, and how they're basically going to end up screwing Orzammar over until some Real Hero comes along to fix things.
Gareth: Don't mind if I do!



Percy: Gareth can't pay you back, so we'll work for you so you'll do us a favour instead... Wait, why did we need to do any of the fetch quests before this point, again?
Saria: Find out what happened to some guys who were stealing diamonds for me and I'll introduce you to someone who can introduce you to someone who can maybe introduce you to the king. Even though I say that no other thugs will get in your way, that will be a filthy lie.
Martine: I'll be bitching about how this job is beneath me within minutes.



Ardum learns a fireball spell. It... doesn't really look that much like a fireball.



Speaking of Ardum, it looks like he does have some more dialogue. Good for him.



Martine: It is customary for Wardens who reach their fortieth year to come to Orzammar and spend their final years fighting darkspawn before they are taken by the taint. When I came down, another Warden, a mage named Feren, accompanied me. She was my companion for many years... We must return to Saria and tell her the camp was deserted. I doubt she'll be happy with the news.

Upon returning to Orzammar, I suddenly remember something:



If we wanted to, we could switch out Ardum for Ryneth here, who is a Rogue. Rogues are rather useful in real other Dragon Age games, but in this game we would just be trading out our only reliable healer for someone who can plink away at Darkspawn and giant spiders with a stupid bow.

And his only reason for wanting to join the party is that he also wants in on this increasingly convoluted plot to meet the king. Since Team Percy has been the one doing all of the work so far, while this guy has been twitching and bobbing in the street while picking his nose, he can just go hang. Percy can accuse him of being an assassin if he wanted, which is kind of funny.

(Getting him to join the party is also one of the Achievements needed in order to get those special items for Origins, but we don't have to do that. And even if we did, the Achievement is satisfied by only having him in the party for a split second anyway.)



Saria: WHERE ARE MY DIAMONDS?
Martine: WE DIDN'T FIND YOUR DUMB DIAMONDS, YOU THIEVING WHORE.
Saria: FUCK YOU AND GO FIND THEM. THEN WHEN YOU FIND MY MEN KILL THEM.
Martine: I'M A GREY WARDEN AND I'M TOO GOOD AND MORALLY UPSTANDING FOR THIS EVEN THOUGH I'M HANGING OUT WITH A MAN IN A DRESS AND PERCY.
Saria: GREY WARDENS AIN'T SHIT AND YOUR EMPLOYER WANTS THOSE DIAMONDS SO CHOP CHOP MISSY.

Fortunately for Martine, she doesn't have to deal with killing those Carta thugs anyway, because they're dead by the time Team Percy gets there. What an anticlimax.



Martine: I can sense a great number of Darkspawn nearby. Even for the Deep Roads this is unusual. We must investigate further.

Five seconds later...



Martine: This is the one we seek? Then let us end this!

A few rounds of Martine's Mighty Swing and Ardum's "fireball" later...



Ardum had gained a level from that story scene before the battle (yes, that counted as a story scene), so that's why he has that plus mark to the upper left of his health meter.



Man, Percy is just lording this over her. “Do you believe me now, Martine? Huh? Huh?!”

Martine: You spoke truly. If the emissary's blue glow indicates what I think, then the city of Orzammar is in greater danger than it has faced in some time.
Percy: How would you know what his blue flames meant?
Martine: Wait, do you hear that? What is that incredible rumbling sound?
Percy: That darkspawn mentioned something about powering machines.
Martine: I think I know the source of this darkspawn's power but we have one final stupid quest to do before I do another exposition dump.



Look at the Darkspawn in the middle with the pick! He looks so happy to be digging with his "Hellish Machine."



Team Percy's up front and personal view of the first of the machines isn't really very instructive about what they're actually supposed to be. The green glowy thing is probably magic, but it just seems to be sort of tied onto the rig.



Each contraption is guarded by a group of Darkspawn, which always includes an Ogre. Looks like the training wheels are finally off of this puppy!

I wonder if there's a giant tent for Mr. Ogre somewhere around here. Maybe they just make him sleep outside?

Team Percy's overall strategy for this battle:

Percy: Draw aggro from the tinier Darkspawn and take them out.
Martine: Mighty Swing and receive lots of Ogre Hugs (aftermath shown.)
Ardum: Heal Martine. Ignore Percy.

Repeat this twice more for identical Darkspawn battles and Contraption Destruction. And then...



[i]Martine: Yes, his blue glow. I didn't want to believe it at first, but now I am sure. I believe I mentioned my... companion, Feren. As Wardens, we fought side by side for many years. When it came time to venture to Orzammar, we journeyed down here together. Shortly before we came, Feren aquired a powerful artifact, Durus' Blue Flame, fabled to greatly increase the intelligence of any who would use it. As a side effect, the wearer would glow blue with Durus' ancient inscription.

Feren was always a great scholar, but once she aquired Durus' Flame, her thirst for knowledge was unquenchable. I shudder to think how such an artifact would affect a hurlock powerful enough to kill the most skilled Warden I've ever had the pleasure of fighting beside.
Percy: It sounds like you two were close. What became of Feren?
Martine: It is the fate of all Grey Wardens to eventually be driven mad by the darkspawn taint. This is why we journey to a place like Orzammar, to spend our waning years fighting the darkness before the taint overwhelms us. When Feren felt the end approaching, she could not stand the thought... the thought of...
Percy: Of what?
Martine: … of going mad within Orzammar, of forcing my hand to be the one that ended her life. So she left, alone, journeying far into the Roads to go out with one last rain of hellfire upon these monsters' heads. This glowing blue emissary must have been the one to end her life, Durus' Flame his ghastly reward.
Percy: What effect would Durus' Flame have on a darkspawn?



:Martine: If he succeeds, if he raises an Old God, then it spells destruction not only for Orzammar, but for all of Thedas. He must be stopped, and we must be the ones to stop him. We can't let Feren's death bring about Thedas' end.



JOURNEY COMPLETE PLAY DRAGON AGE LEGENDS ON FACEBOOK PLAY AGE OF CHAMPIONS ON FACEBOOK

I swear to god I'm not being silly. That is exactly how Dragon Age: Journeys ends and this is the exact point at which it ends. According to the Dragon Age Wiki, EA-2D actually was supposed to continue Journeys with at least two more chapters, but for unknown reasons, it just wasn't to be. I would still say that this was a pretty remarkable ending. Any old game can end on a cliffhanger, but it takes a special game indeed to end smack in the middle of a fetch quest.

So, let's recap what we learned about the world of Dragon Age and why we should preorder the game when it comes out in minus three years:

- There is a Dwarf city called Orzammar.
- Darkspawn are bad.
- Glowing blue runes are also bad.
- Dwarves are elitist, lazy assholes.
- Transvestites have magical powers.
- Grey Wardens, whatever they are, are snobby and psychotic. There are suicide pacts involved somehow.
- Dwarfish kings are very shy (and are probably also elitist, lazy assholes.)

Ladies and Gentlemen, RPG of the Year 2009.

Bonus: The Vote Thus Far

- ERROR: NAME NOT FOUND
- Rogue is the current class of choice with 2 votes.
- Female is the current gender of choice with 3 votes.
- The Origins are currently completely tied up.
- Our current Personality Matrix favours A generally goodhearted hero who is not above tweaking the rules and misleading people to get what he or she wants. Has a slight naughty streak, and has a taste for equally wild romantic encounters. (Ransom, please do not write "Mostly Cs" on a real test or you will probably fail it and make your teacher cross with you.)

Next Time: A REAL Hero's Origin

You should totally play as a Dwarf noble. Deadly decadent court plots are always fun! And I propose the most Dwarven name ever, Urist. (A reference that nearly 3 others here will get, I'm sure.)

As long as you end up playing a dwarf of some kind, I support the name Urist.

Heh, Urist.

Oh. So that's how that game ends. By the time I reached those Ogres I was fed up with it and it was too damn hard to actually beat. Guess I didn't miss out on much.

I really wanna say Elvish Mage, but if my vote is the tipping point, I say stick with the Dwarf.

Also what kind of a moron goes out to die without putting away their POWERFUL ANCIENT MAGIC ARTIFACT in a safe place? Did the entire threat of this series really come out of one person's deathwish?

Seriously.

"Ok, I'm off to die alone in the caverns!"
"Hold on a minute. You got your magical doohickeys?"
"Well duh. Need to give the horrible monstrosities something to loot off me when I buy the farm, after all. Otherwise I'd feel like I'm just using them."

What you need to realize is that the everything that makes the series what it is can all be traced back to terrible decisions made by Grey Wardens. Okay, maybe some other people made terrible decisions too, but it's at least 90% Grey Warden fuckups.

Nadzieja
Female
Fighter - Two-handed sword build or other two-handed weapon of choice
City Elf
a Test!

1. A
2. C
3. B
4. B
5. C
6. B
7. A
8. C
9. A

I think I was tempted to play DA:J once because I wanted those exclusive items, but before I started I realised that's a ridiculous reason to subject myself to a flash game for a game I figured I'd never play. I'll take that passing it up was probably a good idea.

Even if it is a bad game it does give us this
He truly is happy, and it just fills me with joy to see him being so gleeful. Even the slave-ogres are happy too, turning those cranks for the doom-drills.

I totally played that flash game, and boy howdy was it painful. It gives no sense of satisfaction, either, given how it ends. It actually put me off completely from playing Origins, so hopefully you can show me that it's actually a decent game!

Female City Elf, otherwise whatevs.

NEXT TIME ON DRAGON AGE: They failed, millions die.

Didn't think it was possible for Orzammar to be even uglier and more boring, but Bioware Social are really pushing the envelope on tedious underground labyrinths. (Also the very existence of Bioware Social makes me feel slightly depressed. I remember when the Bioware name used to mean something, dangnabbit!)
Wow, this LP is educational!

Okay, it looks like we're going with a Dwarven Noble Rogue named Urist.

But don't expect too many Dwarf Fortress jokes, unless you make them yourselves.

In light of this outcome, I think that the dwarf should be the best dwarven rogue possible, outside of being a dwarf who is a rogue, by being a bow dwarf. No one would expect it, and the least expected is what the rogue does best.

A Dwarven longbowman would be especially unexpected. Mostly because logistically that would seem impossible; the bow would be bigger than they are.

Cunning rogue.

Why anyone would play a Bioware game where the skill stat is also a dps stat and not choose it is beyond me.

Well I'm not re-doing the entire Origin so you can have a bow-dwarf! You're just going to have to DEAL WITH IT! Until I can respec.

Last time, on Dragon Age: Origins. We did not play Dragon Age: Origins at all. And as we all learned, the less said about that, the better.

But now that we know what kind of character we want, we can jump right in and-



Oh. Right. The Character Creator.

Well, everyone is going to start getting suspicious and cranky if I put the update off for much longer, so should I just Quick Play in order to jump right in? Nah, then people will just say that I'm being lazy.

This looks like a job for magic. This looks like a job for... Numerology

If I assign each letter on the test a numerical value, then a would be 1 and b would be 2... Ransom ended up with 27, which is the numbers 2 and 7 put together... Then if we take Heron's numbers... And then select the 2nd option in each slider, then the 7th and so on...



While I was doing this, I saw the Dragon Age Character Creator do things that it was never meant to do; things that mortal eyes were never meant to see.

But anyway, it'll grow on you. Lots of things that you don't like at first just kind of grow on you after a while, you know? Like cavities, foot fungus, tumours...



Since Urist is a Rogue, her most important stats are going to be Dexterity (all the better to land and dodge hits with) and Cunning (all the better to pull off special moves and skills with.) She can also benefit from the odd point put into Strength (which determines how hard she'll hit) and Constitution (which determines how big her health bar will be.) Since she is a Dwarf, Magic is pretty much useless to her (apparently it does provide an extremely slight magic resistance bonus for Humans and Elves, but I've never noticed an appreciable difference.)



Rogues start off with the innate Poison Making skill (self-explanatory, aside from the fact that it also makes grenades), and Dwarven Nobles start off with innate Combat Training (which makes them better at using weapons and armour, including the high tier stuff.) We also take the Skill Point we are given and stick it into the Hero's unique skill, Coercion (because Urist is going to need all the help she can get in the Charisma department.)


Finally, we start Urist off with a few of the Rogue essentials:

Dirty Fighting – Stuns the target for a few seconds, but does not damage it.
Below the Belt – Damages the target and has a chance to penalize defense and movement speed.
Stealth – Turns the Rogue invisible, allowing her to scout enemy terrain and open an assault with a backstab or a crit.

Then, the game finally begins...

Dwarven Noble - Intro



Before she goes anywhere, Urist is suddenly seized with the inexplicable urge to grill Gorim about his life, his opinions on the state of the world, and about how much exposition he can cram into a brief conversation.



Gorim: You never know who is listening, my lady. It's safer this way.
Urist: Tell me about your family, Gorim.
Gorim: Not much that you don't already know. My father's father was a great hero of the Deep Roads excursions and raised the family to the top of the Warrior Caste. He was even nominated to join the Assembly and found a noble house, but the honor was in the nomination; he wasn't afforded a single vote. My father served your father for many years, and now I serve you.
Urist: Are you excited about the battle tomorrow?
Gorim: Yes. I yearn to face the darkspawn and prove my worth as your second.
Urist: We'll be spectacular.
Gorim: May the Stone support us and the ancestors look down with pride.

(For obvious reasons, I'm not going to endlessly pump every character for information like that, mainly just the ones who have something novel to say.)



(If the Dwarven Noble Origin has one iron-clad rule, it is this: LOOT EVERYTHING. Unlike most of the other Origins, Urist actually has on some pretty sweet gear, so the various bits and bobs of vendor trash and trinkets don't really do much for her. But anything that's worthless can be sold for money, and money is going to be very useful.)



Gorim's Sword is ridiculously good for this point in the game. You can also see that he technically shouldn't have the stats required to equip it. As a result, if you ever remove that sword, you won't be able to put it back onto him. []i]Let Gorim keep the sword.[/i]

After Urist finishes scouring her room in search of Codices, she decides to pay a visit to her little brother Bhelen's room, where she finds...



Well, this is awkward.



(As you can see, it's possible to portray the Dwarven Noble as the most uppity bitch in Uppity Bitch Town, who habitually has Gorim address the little people in her stead (no pun intended.) We can do this with almost every other character around Orzammar, which is Fun Thing #1 about the Dwarven Noble Origin. Urist, here, likes to be a little bit more civilized to others, even if they're LOWER CASTE.)

Gorim: She's... er... it seems she's one of your brother Bhelen's newest... um, companions. Prince Bhelen is attending the feast being held in Lady Aeducan's honor.
Misstress: Yes, of.. of course. It was presumptuous of me to think that he would return to-- I am sorry. I will show myself out, with your leave, my lady.
Urist: Yes. You may go.

(The “Mistress” is an important character in the Dwarven Commoner storyline, but she has only a brief appearance in Urist's Story.)

After chasing away Bhelen's latest conquest with her face, Urist scans the room in search of things to steal, because that's what Rogues do.



Locked, eh? Not if Urist has anything to say about that!

(The Rogue's innate skill is lockpicking, and as such, as long as her Cunning stat is high enough, she can pick almost every chest and door in the game, barring those that are locked for plot reasons. In Dragon Age, there are no such things as non-plot-mandated magical locks, so Urist will not be held back by her Magical Challenges.)



All that work, for a dumb bowl, and the 5 experience points gained from picking the lock? I think Bhelen is trying to send someone a little passive-aggressive message about boundaries and personal belongings.



Another thing to note is a letter to Bhelen from the Mistress that Urist chased away.

Scroll up: Notice that Rica wasn't wearing a necklace. Pretty sloppy move, girlfriend!

After “investigating” Bhelen's room, Urist heads to her big brother Trian's room. Maybe there will be two mistresses and a golden bowl in there!



Dammit.

Well, off to the King's room to-



Dammit.

Trust issues and paranoia, is what all this is.

As Gorim said earlier, there's no big rush to go and meet up with the King and the others at the feast just yet, so instead of reporting directly to the throne room, Urist decides to go ahead and watch those Provings.



Of course, the instant she sets foot out of doors, she happens across a fight.



Bruntin Vollney: These books are lies written by the enemies of House Vollney.
Scholar Gertek: I write only what I find in the ancient records! Lady Aeducan! You can vouch for my work, can't you? Your father loved my “History of Aeducan: Paragon, King, Peacemaker!”
Urist: What's going on here?
Bruntin Vollney: This... worm has written a book that slanders my house!
Urist: What did he write?
Bruntin Vollney: He says that Vollney- the Paragon that founded my house, known throughout the world as the greatest of men- was a fraud!
Scholar Gertek: N-not precisely. When the Assembly names a Paragon, that man or woman is then, by definition, everything one can aspire to be in the world. They form their own noble houses, and are revered as living ancestors. But Paragons start off as men.
Bruntin Vollney: Vollney was more than a man!
Urist: Get to the point. Why is Bruntin so angry?
Scholar Gertek: Vollney became a Paragon by the narrowest margin in history- one vote. A vote mired in rumours of intimidation, intrigue, and outright bribery. The records of that vote are kept in the Shaperate and are a matter of fact. Not liking history doesn't make it any less true!
Bruntin Vollney: You're taking his side? What if he published a book like this about your Paragon Aeducan?
Urist: The truth is more important than your pride.
Bruntin Vollney: You would not say so if it was your house, but I shall respect your wishes. For now. Excuse me, your Highness.



Gorim: Shall I have him killed, my lady?
Urist What do you think, Scholar?



Urist: Hear that, Gorim? Do the prudent thing.
Gorim: How do you want it done?
Urist: Quietly. An accident, preferably.
Gorim: Understood.



Scholar Gertek: Someday, I hope to write of the great exploits you are sure to perform.



(Fun Thing #2 about the Dwarven Noble Origin. Contracted hits! It's a little bit out of character for Urist, but I can never resist doing it this one time.)

Scholar Gertek: You've shown House Aeducan a friend to research, history, and the glory of our people. Good day, your Highness, and thank you.

(Another possible way to end this dialogue is to extort money out of Gertek in exchange for our help. You can get 3 gold sovereigns, which is quite a lot of money for this point in the game. But apparently Urist draws the line at stealing money from the innocent.)

On her way to the Diamond Quarter Gate, Urist runs into her brothers, who are apparently also taking in the sights.



Trian:Especially since duty requires that you attend our king father at the feast today. Have you so little respect for him to disregard his wishes on a day set aside for you?
Gorim: Lord Harrowmont told me we wouldn't be needed for hours at least-



Gorim: Yes, your Highness.
Urist: Don't speak to Gorim like that.
Trian: I speak to lower houses and castes as they should be spoken to. Now do as I say.
Urist: Keep barking orders. I'm sure I'll care someday.
Trian: Your lack of a sense of duty to your house is obvious. I can't imagine why you are receiving a commission. I expect after tomorrow I'll spend much time apologizing to the heads of the noble houses for the deaths of their children under your incompetent command.
Bhelen: That's a bit harsh, isn't it, Trian?
Trian: As heir to the throne, it is my duty to impart wisdom and judgment upon those who need it. Now then, you, get to the feast!



Trian: I'd advise you to watch that tongue, dear sibling. Father will not live forever. Come, Bhelen.

Nice guy, that Trian. At least Bhelen seems to be a good sort, if a little bit on the quiet side.

Since Urist will go to the feast when she is good and ready, Trian, she continues down the street toward the Proving Arena...



Gorim: I'm flattered, ladies, but I'm not a noble. I'm a knight of the Warrior Caste.
Teli: Warrior Caste isn't bad...
Mardy: Teli, we didn't pay gold for these permits to take Warrior Caste.
Teli: I guess you're right. Sorry, ser.
[b]Urist: Let's go, Gorim
Gorim: Yes, my lady. Good luck, girls.

(If Urist were male, we would absolutely have the ability to take these “Noble Hunters” up on their offer, and we'd even get a threesome if we played our cards right. More information about Noble Hunters can be found on the internet in the Dwarven Commoner Origin. This is Fun Thing #3 in the Dwarven Noble Origin.)

Urist continues her journey down the street, but just as she's within sight of the gate out of the Diamond Quarter, yet another distraction catches her eye.



Weapons!



Weapons Merchant: I am... so honored to have you visit my booth. I have a... proposition, but I dared not approach.
Gorim: Yet you dare now?
Urist: It's all right. I'll hear him out.
Gorim: Very well then, speak.



Weapons Merchant: Sorry. So nervous. I had a dagger made. For you. As a gift for your first command. I, uh, sent a messenger to deliver the dagger to you. Prince Trian had him thrown out. I don't know what offense he caused, but I had him beaten severely.
Urist: Let me see this dagger.
Weapons Merchant: Here... here it is, your Highness.
Gorim: That's an amazing piece, merchant.
Weapons Merchant: You do me much honor, ser. The blade has been crafted over a period of two years by masters of every art. I wish to bless the Lady's first command, and hope that someday, when she rules, she will wear it.
Gorim: Trian is heir. He will rule when King Endrin returns to the Stone.
Weapons Merchant: If the Assembly wills it. Forgive me, ser, but whispers say the second child of Endrin will be chosen.
Gorim: Whispers, indeed. It's a princely gift. If Trian recognizes it, though, it may send the wrong message.



Weapons Merchant: Thank you! You bring uncountable honor to me.
Gorim: What he means is that you'll bring uncountable gold to him if you wear that piece in public.

Well, be that as it may, what's really important is that this dagger is awesome!



And if it pisses Trian off, so much the better. It's basically a win-win situation for Weapons Merchant and for Urist. Bribe accepted!



Hey, another merchant, maybe he has some goodies too and-





Gorim gives us the impression that this sort of thing happens to Urist a lot. I wonder why.

Finally, at the gate...



Guard: We have been charged with the task of escorting you to the Proving grounds.
Gorim: I clean forgot about that. Forgive me, I should have informed you sooner. The king decided that you are not to travel through the commons unguarded.
Urist: Very well, if it will please my father.
Guard: Will we be leaving then?
Urist: Perhaps later.



(If the Dwarven Noble Origin has a second iron-clad rule, it is this: SELL EVERYTHING! Do you have anything that isn't currently being equipped by The Hero or by Gorim, anything that isn't a special item that you got for pre-ordering the game or Liking Dragon Age on Facebook or hanging out at the EA Summer Fun Party Wagon of Promotional Desperation, anything that isn't a healing item? SELL IT!)

Then Urist returns to the Guard for her escort to the Proving Grounds. The Magic Merchant is still passed out, so now she will never know why a Dwarf would bother having a store just for magic when there are no mages in Orzammar. (Well, except for that one guy.)



Next Time: The Proving, The Feast, and Urist's First Command

Codices:

(Some codices are different depending on which race the Hero happens to be. This codex is different if the Hero is not a Dwarf.)
Extras:



Dwarven Noble concept art.

I have played Dwarf Commoner, but not Noble, so I know EXACTLY what the tale is. And it is not a happy one.

Dragon Age is not a happy game.

"I'm totally going to write about how you ordered another noble killed right in front of me. And then told your second to make sure it was done quietly. Everyone's going to know, and then they'll know how awesome you are!"