Dealing with Dragons: Let's Play Dragon Age: Origins!

I agree with all the above. Reaver and Arcane warrior it is.

Shale: It sides with Caridin. Good. That seems right.
Caridin: Thank you, stranger. Your compassion shames me.



Oghren: Branka! Don't throw your life away for this!
Urist: We have to destroy the Anvil, Branka.



The point at which Team Urist could reasonably expect redemption was crossed about one Broodmother ago, but Oghren is obviously having trouble coming to terms with this transitional phase of his relationship (and with the horrific deaths of all of his family members.)



Couldn't Branka have just commanded the golems to leave the Anvil unattended and set off all of the traps they had built? Well, far be it from Urist to question the will of the Ancestors...



However! In a tie between two Ancestors, the one who is slightly less crazy wins out. The Stone would never lie.



(Branka incapacitates Caridin for the entire fight, and turns half of his golems against Team Urist. However, Caridin still controls the rest of the golems, namely, the alpha-models that he made out of wet toilet paper. It's the thought that counts, I guess?)



(When Branka is down to about half of her health bar, she starts making shadow clones of herself, but just like every other shadow clone in the history of video games, they vanish after one hit, leaving the original wide open to attack.)

Soon, Urist lands the final blow against Branka, but in the ensuing chaos...



Wow.

That was unfortunate.



Says the guy who proudly wrote a journal all about the excruciating and disgusting golem-making process.

Oghren: Yeah, you ain't kidding. Stupid woman! Always knew the Anvil would kill her.
Shale: How is it that the woman was not able to disable me as she did you, Caridin?
Caridin: I don't know. Have you been altered?
Shale: I once had a pathetic little mage of a master. He... did something to me. Experimented on me. And then I killed him and it rendered me paralyzed.
Caridin: Hmm... perhaps he was bringing forth old memories? And caused you to remember the time when... you fought at my side.



Shale: I don't know what to say. Thank you.
Caridin: Do not thank me. All of this... this is my doing, my legacy. But at least it ends here. I thank you for standing with me, stranger. The Anvil waits there for you to shatter it.



Wynne is going to go back to the Circle and tell them all about that uppity jerk Wilhelm getting his head smooshed in by his precious pet golem (she can barely keep from giggling about it now, for crying out loud.) And then all of the mages and the templars will laugh and laugh and laugh.

This moment of comaraderie will spark a new wave of trust and co-operation between the groups, and they soon put aside their differences and combine their resources to better the lives of the people of Thedas. Disease will be eradicated by mages who will use their healing magic for the greater good. The Chantry will turn their former repressive regime towards industry and service, eradicating poverty. The Blight will be ended when the disparate nations of the world follow their example and pool their considerable resources against a common evil...

And Urist will sit in a darkened room by herself, trying to drink the image of hot golem sex out of her mind.

But ANYWAY



After everything that's happened on this quest, Urist feels that it's only fair that Oghren get some closure.



DAMN IT OGHREN, NO!!!

Caridin: I would not do such a thing to her even if I could.
Oghren: Somehow I didn't think so. Then I don't want anything that would remind me of... this. Best it's just done. There... is still the matter of the election. I mean... we still need a Paragon to get the Assembly's support, right?



Oghren, you and Urist are cool again.

(Urist can also directly ask for a crown if she takes the boon for herself, but asking for a boon for Oghren is the only way to mitigate his considerable loss of approval if the Warden kills Branka.)



Please don't laugh at Caridin's comically tiny hammer.



It looks lovely, if perhaps a little bit big for any dwarven head.

But where did Caridin scrounge up the materials for that crown? (Not that Urist is complaining: If he hadn't had any at hand, she would have been searching through the Deep Roads for another four hours, at least.)

Caridin: There. It is done. Give it to whom you will.



A deal's a deal. (And it's not as if there'd be a Smith around who could use the Anvil properly if Urist were to double-cross Caridin now.)



Urist handed her paints to Oghren while she was destroying the Anvil, and wouldn't you know that he managed to capture her absolute worst side!

Not Pictured: The Anvil EXPLODING IN URIST'S FACE.



Then Caridin jumped off the cliff into the sea of lava, his final words of wisdom lingering in the air behind him. For like, five whole minutes for some reason.

Before the group can pack it up and leave, a strange stone monument catches Urist's eye.

(You see a large stone tablet, chipped with age, with a great number of dwarven runes carved into its surface.)
(Examine the tablet more closely.)
(The writing is in dwarven and appears to be a long list of names, each with the stamp of their house next to them. You recognize few of the house names. At the bottom of the list are the words "We honor those who have made this sacrifice, let their names be remembered.")
(The carvings are still deep enough that a tracing could be taken, allowing the information to be carried elsewhere.)
(Take a tracing of the tablet.)

No one could tell exactly what it was, but Oghren was certain that the Shaperate would pay good money for a tracing. So that is what Urist is going to do.



Oghren: Eh. Those deshyrs have been trying to destroy the city for years. Haven't managed yet.

One tasteful scene transition later...



Bhelen: Then why these delaying tactics? I call for a vote right now. My father has one living child to assume the Aeducan throne. Who would deny him that?
Harrowmont: Your father made me swear on this deathbed you would not succeed him.
Guard: I apologize for the interruption, Lord Steward, but the Grey Warden has returned.

THE GREY WARDEN HAS A NAAAAAAAME



Which makes the decision boil down to Urist's chosen king, of course. Not that they need to know that.



Oghren: Before he died, Caridin forged a crown for Orzammar's next king, chosen by the ancestors themselves!

Ooh, good spin. Nice use of the ancestors too!

Bhelen: And are we supposed to trust this, the word of a drunken sot and a murdering exile known to be in Harrowmont's pocket?
Bandelor: Silence!



(Notice that the Warden can change factions at literally the last possible moment for this particular questline. Not that we're doing that this time around.)



Harrowmont's words of praise to Urist are so solemn and poignant that they hang in the air for several moments, as Steward Bandelor summons Harrowmont down to the debate pit and places Caridin's crown upon his head. (This may be more related to a game glitch than any actual ancestral acknowledgement of wisdom and/or piety.)



It did turn out to be a better fit than Urist first thought (and the ancestors know that Harrowmont's head is certainly big enough,) but there might still be a lot more headroom than is strictly-



Someguy McDwarf: The ancestors have spoken!
Urist: Stand down, Bhelen. You've lost.
Bhelen: You turned your back on Orzammar when you killed our brother!
Sameguy McDwarf: Watch out! They brought weapons!
Harrowmont: Guards!



Urist makes sure to get the final blow.

Grey Wardens Being Totally Neutral Count: 4



Harrowmont: But most of Orzammar has seen him for what he really is, and I trust we will bring this insurgency under control.
Urist: Show them you are a strong king and they will follow you.
Harrowmont: I prefer to be known as a just and compassionate king. 'Strong' too often comes to mean 'tyrannical.' But I will not leave this uprising unpunished. Those loyal to the throne will begin preparations for a surface mission immediately. Orzammar will fulfill its treaties. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must get to the palace and set our plans in motion.
Urist: And I must return to my duties on the surface.
Harrowmont: This is the staff I carried as King Endrin's second. Take it as a reminder of your place in Orzammar.



Oh I don't know...



Harrowmont's symbol of Urist's place in Orzammar is an item that no dwarf has any proper use for, that is only carried around for show, and that is not valuable enough to Harrowmont or anyone else to bother hanging on to for future generations to cherish.

ASSHOLE.



Kardol: The rest, impressive, but the Legion is grateful most for restored leadership. It frees us to fight to the darkspawn properly.
Urist: Can I count on you to fight the Blight at my side?
Kardol: You'll have us. It's time the surfacers saw the good the Stone can unleash. Back to Orzammar when we win, though. I'll not stay topside to lose my stone sense.

Maybe the line in the Deep Trenches will be fine until the Blight has been stopped.

Some time later, as the group approaches the door to the Hall of Ancestors, Shale speaks up:



Shale: Is that who I once was? I find this difficult to believe.
Urist: You're tall for a dwarf.
Shale: I am not a dwarf. Or, at least, I am not a dwarf any longer. If I was this Shayle of House Cadash as Caridin said, there must be some evidence of my existence remaining. I must find it.
Urist: Perhaps there are records in Orzammar?
Shale: There is another way. What Caridin said, it has allowed me to remember one thing. I believe I know where Cadash Thaig is.
Urist: We can go there, if you like.
Shale: Its offer is appreciated. I will mark the location on its map. If we can journey there soon, I am most curious as to what we will find.



Wynne: Mm, ale, is it? And I hope it's brewed hygenically?
[b]Oghren:[/'b] Of course! I may not know clean from a beggar's ass when it comes to most things, but I don't mess around with my ale.
Wynne: Very well, let's have a taste.
Oghren: Well? Well? What do you think?
Wynne: Very nice.
Oghren: You like it? Well, I never...
Wynne: Attractive amber color. Nutty flavor, slightly sweet, just a hint of toastiness. There's some spice to it... I'm finding hard to place...
Oghren: Yes? Yes?
Wynne: Is it... cloves?
Oghren: Cloves! By the Stone, you're a lady after my own heart. If I weren't buckled into this armor, I'd take you round the corner and... well, you know.
Wynne: Give me more ale?



Well, the Topsider's grave was on Team Urist's way anyway.



Urist may never use this, but life is about the journey, not the destination.

One map scene later...



Shale: Perhaps. It may also be where I was found. These ruins are always overrun by vermin. There may be something noteworthy further in, however.

As it turns out, there is a lot of vermin in Cadash Thaig.



But after stomping through piles of deep stalker nests and darkspawn spume (still gross,) Urist and Shale make an interesting discovery.



Shale: It has dates and names. This is to honor those who volunteered, those who became golems. And there is my name. Shayle, of House Cadash, just as Caridin said. I remember, now. I remember Shayle. That... was me.
Urist: You remember? That's wonderful!
Shale: Wonderful to remember being a soft, squishy creature of flesh? Perhaps. I will need to think on these things I have learned. Perhaps I will speak to it of them soon. For now, let us carry on as we have.

Well, at least Shale is now about as close to happy as Shale gets.



Shale: I was thinking I might, oh, join the Chantry. Become Divine. And have giant Andraste golems fashioned to conquer the lands!
Wynne: Truly?
Shale: No-ooo.
Wynne: It was a serious question. One day the quest of these Grey Wardens will be finished, one way or another. What will you do then?
Shale: The quest of the Grey Wardens is to destroy the darkspawn, I thought.
Wynne: Oh? So you share a larger purpose with them? Is that your ultimate goal?
Shale: I had not given it much thought. It might be better than slaughtering every bird in existence.

And Wynne gets one more nag in for the road, as per usual.



Urist has a feeling that she knows what's wrong.



Urist: Yes. I remember that feeling. It passes.
Oghren: Too bad. It's kind of like being drunk. But so much cheaper! Well, let's get moving. We're losing... whatchacallit? Daylight.

How cute, how naive! Urist remembers when the surface seemed like a new and delightful novelty, too!



... But that novelty tends to wear off rather quickly in the harsh light of day.

Next Time: Taking care of business. (Everyday!)

Codices:

(If the Warden is not a Dwarven Noble, Bhelen's codex will not include the details of Bhelen's apparent status within the family, or the circumstances by which he eliminated both of his siblings to become the Aeducan heir.)

In December of 2009, PC Gamer magazine came with a Dragon Age: Origins demo module. Unlike most demos, this was not a stripped-down version of the game's prologue, but a unique module with its own little storyline and player choices.



It was the worst of cities, it was the storyline quest that refused to end...



As such, it is an excellent place for deals to be made – often of a somewhat illicit nature. You've heard word that a Dwarven noble of wealthy means is looking to hire an adventurer for a small foray into the Deep Roads. It should pay well – and, perhaps, give you some insight into the politics of Orzammar. Knowledge that can be worth far more than gold...



(Before the module starts, the player gets to roll a character using the exact same character creation tool as the game itself uses. And I do mean exact: One of the selection options is to select an Origin for your anonymous guy or gal who will never be heard from again.

For the sake of expediency, I made a Dwarven Commoner with the totally authentic name of Talking Tim. He is also the only dwarf of colour in Orzammar.)

After talking to several NPCs of absolutely no import (including waitresses who are too lazy to take Tim's order,) Tim soon tracks down the wealthy dwarven noble in question.



Mystery Man: You have some business to discuss with me?
Talking Tim: I heard you're organizing an expedition to the deep roads.
Mystery Man: A small and quiet expedition, yes. I'm sure you'll understand that discretion is important here.I represent one of the, shall we say, "lesser" noble houses. We haven't much power or influence. But I've lucked into a bit of information that might change that.



Mystery Man: If I can confirm the rumor, or perhaps even retrieve the artifact, I'll have a great deal of leverage with them. But I can't have it slip before I'm sure. If it's false we can't risk being discredited and if it's true I don't want anyone else claiming the glory. You look capable. There's money and prestige in taking a little trip to the deep roads on my behalf.
Talking Tim: So long as the pay is right, I'll do it.
Mystery Man: You're ambitious. I like that. It's not a good idea to go off into the Deep Roads alone, even the Grey Wardens only do that when they've decided it's time to die. There's some other able lads around this place, you should recruit one to assist.
Talking Tim: What about your man, there?



(At this point, I should probably mention that A Tale of Orzammar has no voice acting, so the mystery is ever so slightly more of a mystery. Particularly if this actually is your first experience with DA:O.)

Mystery Man: Small though my house might be, we have enemies, same as all the others. If I could spare him, I wouldn't need to hire you, would I?
Talking Tim: Good idea. I'll be right back.

It doesn't take Tim long to find Orson Haver, the only other person in Tapster's who has a name.



Orson: Really? Yeah, okay! Booze an' adventure sounds about right!

He is not a very choosy fellow.

After Tim returns to the Mystery Man and Frandlin "I see no reason to hide MY identity" Ivo with random drunk in tow, the group departs for the Deep Roads.



Mystery Man: The thaig was sealed off from the deep roads when the Darkspawn overran it, but this tunnel should lead to where it once was. Just go through here and see if you can find it, then return here. The notes say that the tomb is protected by a puzzle, but you needn't worry about trying to get through it. You're hired for the brawn part of things.



(Orson isn't the chatty type. He just cycles through a bunch of canned phrases if you click on him.)



(Devoted fans of Urist's adventures will undoubtedly recognize some of the features of this abandoned thaig.)



Tim and Orson find some dead human with a pile of mage stuff, in case they feel like dressing up fancy.

(A Tale of Orzammar throws a ton of beginner gear for every class at the player, so there's at least a lot of opportunity to try out different character builds that you might like for the real game. On that note, there are a lot of low-level darkspawn and deep stalkers to use it all against too.

And SPIDERS!)



What manner of sorcery is this?!

Tim isn't sure that he understands any of it.



The door to the abandoned thaig itself is certainly well guarded...



An awful lot of dead non-dwarves here too. Grey Wardens, maybe?

After dispatching a lot of darkspawn, Tim and Orson notice that the door to one of the buildings is still open.



But whatever remains inside is definitely well protected.

(The Stone Golem is one of only two challenging fights in A Tale of Orzammar. All you have to do to win is have Orson chug poultices like there's no tomorrow and Taunt the golem whenever it starts to get ideas about slugging the tiny meat creature that's stabbing it in the back.)



This looks like a silly puzzle that would be kind of annoying for someone to have to solve.

But suddenly! Talking Tim's mysterious employer shows up, and his identity is mysterious no more!



Bhelen: The plan isn't quite what I originally led you to believe. There is evidence of a lost artifact being here, yes... but I'm going to plant it. I don't have many men I can trust enough to this task, not enough to risk in these dangerous tunnels. So I sent you on ahead. A casteless nobody. Your kind vanishes all the time without anyone caring enough to pry. In any event, I'm not going to explain myself further. There's no point to it.



Bhelen: Just hold still. It'll hurt less.



(If you have any poultices left over from the golem fight (and you should), Bhelen is completely beatable, using the same basic "Use Orson as a meat shield" tactic you used on the golem. As you can see from the picture, Ivo doesn't put up much of a fight.)

After beating the crap out of Bhelen, he suddenly has a bit of a change of heart.



Bhelen: Indeed. If you were to go to the surface and lay low for a while, that'd serve my purposes well enough. I'll of course have to ruin your reputation down here to make sure you don't sneak back in, you understand.
Talking Tim: Alright.
Bhelen: Excellent. Get out of here quickly, before I change my mind. I still have a lot of work to do.



THE END

(By the way, if you refuse to bargain with Bhelen because he's at your mercy, guess who sobers up enough to reveal his true nature and stabs you in the back? That's right, it's Flemeth.)

Next Time: Orzammar sidequests, et cetera.

Bonus: A Tale of Orzammar

(You'll need to run the DA Updater tool and drag the orzammar.dazip file into it to install it into your game. The DA Updater is somewhere in your Dragon Age: Origins/Dragon Age Ultimate Edition folder, depending on what version of Windows you're running, whether you've got it installed through Steam, and what version of DA: O you're running.)

On Hiatus

Abandoned