Darwin's Rolling in His Grave! Let's play EVO: Search For Eden!

And this is why we need to find out RIGHT NOW

I want to see what fully vertical dino looks like.

Also, body I guess.

We should be a dinosaur forever!

but a completely vertical one. Also we need more killey teeth

I ... I don't know! I kind of want to see the ultimate dino form ... but a new form is exciting, too!

I say show us as much dino as you can on the way, then class change!

Make that Body talk!

Walk the Dinosaur

Become the perfect dinosaur, then throw it all away.

Take a leap of faith.

I didn't get very far in this game because I felt compelled to save-scum EVERY possible evolution. So what I'm saying is i want to see the perfect dino AND the new form. Mwahahaha.

Well, we seem to have a little indecision in our hearts, but we approach Mt. Brave regardless. perhaps, when faced with the decision, we will know what choice to make... Our first step in this optional journey is Domain of Tritops. I'm sure this guy needs no introduction. He does the usual meandering, and charges us if we get too close.


These guys are a walk in the park, though. Whenever they manage to hit us, it stuns them briefly, allowing us to strike back. If you get two on you at once you might need to worry, but we can easily trade blows with one, and then just heal up on the mosquitoes. Well, the ones that are low enough for us to catch, anyways. Huh, why would the level designers put them that high up!? I wonder. Tritops does he normal snoring at night.


Next is Ocean of Plesusaurus. Ocean is a bit of an exaggeration, I think. Whatever, onward!


So, for whatever reason, this stage is set to be played right-to-left, rather than the left-to-right that every other stage has. Annoyed by this sudden shift in navigation, we backtrack and leap into the "ocean," taking on an aquatic form once more! I hope this chapter's sea life is better than the last's.


Our first encounter is with the ever-adorable nautilus. These guys first developed in the Cambrian Period, so I don't know why we're just now seeing them. Admire its sultry tentacles. However, they behave much like the shrimp creatures from chapter one, and begin bouncing about like mad once we reach a 45-degree angle over them. They bounce 4 times, and each hit does 5 damage. Fighting these guys is a pain. Their defense is ten, meaning that we can only do a single point of damage to them. Curse their awesome shell! Furthermore, when we're on the ground with them, they will instantly bounce between the ground and us, again allowing them to instantly get 4 hits on us, like the shrimp. A mistake fighting these guys will either cause them to go flying over and behind you, far enough that they'll completely heal if you don't immediately give chase. Or, a mistake will result in 20 damage to us, which can very easily strike again right after if we don't act fast.


However, if we ram them, it knocks them far enough back that they won't counter-attack. Once we ram them into a corner, we can bite away to our stomach's content. The have 10 HP, and their meat gives FIVE-HUNDRED EVO.P, making them the #1 grinding enemy of the game. It's high-risk/high-rewards though, as a tiny mistake can result in them pretty much instantly killing us as they infinitely bounce in a single pixel separating us from the floor. We kill a couple, but it's slow progress.


So, we take some time to hang out with this fellow, the stage's titular, but less noteworthy, Plesiosaurus. I always liked that there's no hitbox on their heads, so you can float around behind it. They're friendly until provoked, after which they will ferociously pursue us. They bite almost instantly after being bitten, but have a small lag after biting us. This pretty much means that we're guaranteed to be bitten after any attack on them, but after being bitten, we'll have time to attack or flee. Of course, we'd only ever do the former. We'd never run away.


Ah~, memories...


Those guys drop 100 EVO.P, which isn't bad, but... the hidden secrets of Mt. Brave are on the other side of this sea! And so, we set foot in the land of destiny, and charge towards the foot of Mt. Brave! An airborne creature is here! We haven't such such actions since those miserable, duplicitous dragonflies and killer bees (not including non-sentient mosquitoes)! Surely, this one is no different!


However, we are wrong! This elegant creature slowly descends upon the cushion of the warm, Mesozoic breeze, and embraces us with its arms. We are stunned and confused - defensive... But then, it begins to carry us with it into the sky. We are choked with emotion at this feeling of soaring over the world in the arms of this kind creature. Let the great minds of science and philanthropy shake hands, for this was surely the day that the heart evolved beyond the engine of the body, and into the furnace of emotion. In this field of blue, overlooking Gaia's splendor, we for once believe that there may be more to this world than "survival of the fittest."


Then it drops us and we take 15 damage. If there were a damage indicator for our feelings, it would be -999, though. We begin to flee while choking back salty tears, and this clumsy, oafish, disgustingly cruel creature gives chase! It insists that it wants to play more.


So we introduce it to our style of play. Play is for children and food. And you look ripe enough to... be food, and... not a child... Anyways, we kill and eat him. These guys have a fixed height they float up to after being hit, which keeps us from launching a relentless assault. Unless we climb this rock formation we come upon, so that we're standing at their fixed escape elevation. After finishing off the deceiver, and feasting upon his remains for slight consolation, we ascend to the top of the plateau. We have reached the peak of Mt. Brave, where our reward of three mosquitoes awaits! Better, yet, finishing off that fellow brought us to 5000 EVO.P, so, you know that that means!

Tyrasaurus Jaws. Biting is up to 20 (+17)! I could be wrong, but my memory claims that these are the best natural jaws one can get in the game. Later forms can beat reptiles in all other categories, but if all you want is biting power, then you've reached the evolutionary peak. I think this visage suits our newly blackened heart.


But, what's this? It seems that in spite of being the highest structure we've yet climbed, that was not Mt. Brave! To our right, there is an even larger structure! We leap across to it, and begin to gleefully ascend, when suddenly, a new Pterosaur descends from directly over us, quickly clutching us in its horrible claws. As we're already quite high, this one instead carries us mostly horizontally, dropping us off at the same spot every one of these guys will. That is to say, the start of the level, one screen up. This is the trial of tedium that Mt. Brave is. I wouldn't be to upset if each drop didn't do 15 damage to us. That means 3 mistakes with no healing and we're dead.


fortunately, our new jaws mean that as long as we're careful and don't get too close, we can take out these guys pretty quickly. There's almost always at least one coming for us, but we can hear their wing flaps when their about to enter the screen. Featured here is the right-most side of the level, where there's another plateau, which our jumping is just slightly too poor for us to climb. Wow, I hope that's not a problem later!


And here I am scaling the first area of Mt. Brave. This horrible screen frankensteining represents the low point of this LP - enjoy. It's just too difficult trying to line up shots while prehistoric wallmasters are trying to drag me off. You can see us at the very top, with our head poking into the next area. Jumping at that point brings us to the upper tier of Mt. Brave.


Another Ptero is waiting for us as soon as we arrive. You gotta' watch out for this guy. We do. This looks like its the peak! Just a quick hop.... err.... skip.... jump? Well, what do you know, our jumping attribute is too low for us to ascend Mt. Brave. That's.... fine... That's just fine. We'll just keep trying until-!


...until....


;_; Happiness -15 (and we fell through a swarm of mosquitoes...)


Oh, come on! So, on an interesting note, I lied - being picked up while to the right of Mt. Brave will have us dropped off under this mosquito swarm. On a distressing note, I tried to grind a little EVO.P from these horrible aerial assassins, and timed a bite or two too early, allowing them to grab me. So, time to go away and strategize.


Ah~, new memories...


The solution to this one is pretty obvious. If we need EVO.P, where's the best place to get it? And with the best jaws in the game, we can one shot these guys. We still do 10 damage even after their 10 defense, which is exactly how much health they have, which is exactly how Enix planned it, I'm sure. Getting 500 EVO.P a bite is pretty ridiculous. Super meats form these guys give 2000 EVO.P, by the way. So, how many EVO.P do we go for? All of them.
11094


Pronesaurus Dorsal Fin, (HP +5, Str +1, Def +1), 1000P.


Invincible Tail, (HP +2, Str +2, Agil +3, Jump +4), 1500P.


Armor Body, (Str +2, Def +5, Agil -1), 2500P.


Transform to 2 legs, (Str -2, Agil +3, Jump +2), 1000P.


Our old nemesis, Dual Horns! (Horny +20), 5000P.

Being able to leap to new heights and stab deceitful bastards with our sweet horns? Priceless!


On a side note, there are two bodies greater than the Armor Body, but they can only be acquired if 4-legged. There's no way we'd be able to climb Mt. Brave with either of them, though.


But, dammit, we still get drug around by these guys a lot. At least being dropped only does 9 damage now. And the horn breaks once we get to the upper tier. Worthless. I hate this place.


But we persevere, and at long last, we stand majestically at the peak of pride rock. Apparently, we're not high enough, though, because those annoying whispers from above start in again.


It's not an idle threat. If you muck up the jump, you'll end up just falling back to the start of the level. It's pretty hard to mess up, though. If you can jump well enough to climb Mt. Brave, you can jump well enough for this. As we have acquired an ultimate dino form, we decide it is time to move on. We have reviled all flying creatures we have encountered. We have dominated land and sea. It is time to dominate the skies. But let's make a Record of Evolution first, just in case!


GEEEERRRROOOOONNNNIIMOOOOOOOOOOO~~~~~H, SHIIIIIIIIIII~!


We.. we've done it! we've successfully discarded all of our EVO.P and acquired a pathetically disabled form once again! But we have WINGS! And we're falling! Buh?


Once the excitement of change and the thrill of freefall subsides, we realize that pressing the 'B' button while in the air will set us in flying mode, in which we can freely drift about. Delight! This functions pretty much exactly like swimming. However, since we can move in all directions, we are unable to crane our neck for eating while flying. Of course, we can just adjust our height for that.


These guys change up their tactics now that we can fly, and simply rake at us with their legs. Any flying enemy will fall to the ground when damaged, but we won't always. I think it's only collision damage that does it for us? Also, we have the same starting stats as the large reptile, save for with increased agility and jumping.


With our glorious new form, we're ready to... well, definitely not ready to go tackle the last couple of stages. However, it seems a new stage has appeared on the snow-topped mountain to the south. On our way there, however, we decided we really need some improvements before we try to do anything. This is gonna' take a while.


By the way, surprise, surprise, the bird uses the exact same evolutionary tables as the reptiles, being directly descended from them after all. The only changes are that the 4-legged bodies are now replaced with an ultimate bird body, and we have a new list of tails. You may recall that the jaws list always contained both all reptile and bird jaws (I often wonder if that was by accident)?


Ten nautilus, one hundred bites and rams later, and we're back in one-shot land.
Those EVO.P were ours, and we're taking them back! We're taking them all back.

NEXT TIME (coming very soon): Kiss Gaia Goodbye, It's Space Dragon Time!
Seriously, it's awesome.

Huh. Didn't Godzilla fight this guy once?

so, a little grinding later, our EVO.P is swiftly maxed out again, and we purchase the whole evolution chart again.

• Pronesaurus Tail (HP +10, Str +3, Def +2, Agil +2, Jump +2)
• Longtail birds Tail (HP +5, Str +5, Def +2, Agil +7, Jump +3)
• Feather Body (HP +10, Str +3, Def +3)
• Horned Helmet (HP +5, Str +3, Def +1)

I went with the Horned Helmet rather than the Tritop, just for diversity. we can change it up if preferred. It's stats are the same, save one point moves from Strength to Defense. At any rate, after centuries of feasting upon the shelled creatures of the ocean floor, our aquatic dino bird emerges from the sea in a new form, befitting a deep sea monstrosity. But, let's move on to our exclusive sky stage, shall we?


Ice Theme
It appears to be known as Mt. Hidden Mammals. I can't help but wonder how hidden the namesake of the location can possibly be... But, these are indeed the first mammals we've encountered! Through their warm-blooded ingenuity, they've been able to survive in the frozen mountains that the cold-blooded dinosaurs are unable to. I'm not sure if we've progressed far enough into the evolution of modern birds to leave our cold-blooded past behind (I doubt it - we're a stone cold killer), but this new warm-blooded fad sounds quite mouth-watering to us at the least! Since we never returned to terra firma after leaving the sea, we're forced to switch to a land form before anything else can get started, though.


I dunno' what Deltadium is, and this update wouldn't happen today if I kept looking, so I'll just say that the fossil record indicates that rodent-like mammals didn't actually appear until just after 65 million BC, after the non-avian dinosaurs died out. But, similar enough mammals were about as early as 165 million BC. They let out a "Chu!" like proper mice, but then scurry away at the sight of us. We attempt to give chase, but we run in place for a good while on the icy surface before we finally build up enough momentum to get going after them. Yeah, no video game is complete without sliding on ice physics. But, we decide we don't have time for this trash, and take to the skies to hunt them down. Nothing to really say. They die fast.


If we take special care to get close enough to them without killing them, they'll make the usual desperation attack. But you can see the trivial results here.


And here we have one of the problems with being a large, fully erect creature in E.V.O. Even with a long neck, we're unable to reach all the way down for any treats. This is probably the most potentially perverse sentence I'll ever write about this game.


And here we're just playing around. I flew around the skies of prior levels to look for anything interesting, but the sky is a pretty boring place, in spite of every stage seeming to be about 3 screens tall. However, I noted that the layer we're displayed on seems to shift depending upon whether we're in terrestrial or aerial mode. Little things like this amuse me. But I'm sure we can find more amusing things, so let's move on to a new stage already!


But, what's this!? That cloud that's been drifting about the world map this whole time passes over the stage as we prepare to enter, causing us to fly upwards to the cloud instead!!! This cloud actually just drifts from stage to stage, and if you attempt to enter a stage the cloud has paused on, you will enter it instead if you are a bird. Exciting hidden stage time!


This place is awesome. We find ourselves inside a giant storm cloud. This place is the largest stage we've been in by far. However, it's entirely empty. The place has a very moody atmosphere, with winds rushing by in the background, and the screen generally being very dark, though illuminated by frequent flashes of lightening. The clouds themselves act as walls obstructing our progress, and we can even walk on them, which is rather amusing. This place is essentially a maze, and I always get a little lost trying to navigate it. Fortunately for you guys, I've been playing a lot of Etrian Odyssey III, so my mapping skills are pretty good right now:

Each square is a full screen. There's not much in the way of landmarks, aside from some swarms of mosquitoes scattered here and there. However, you will note that there are two crystals hidden here!


The first is just a plain ol' green crystal, which the game seems to offer us rather frequently. I always find myself still carrying my last one when the game offers me one. I guess we should've used ours to speed up the EVO.P grind upon first getting our bird form... Red Crystal is a little more interesting, with its random new forms. Chapter 1 gave us an eel and a manta ray, while chapter 2 just skipped them altogether. Will this chapter's be any more interesting?

YES. YES. YES!!!
We are a goddamn green storm dragon, ready to do some burninating!


Our stats our ridiculous. Our agility is a little lower, yeah, but our defense is great, not that we need it with ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY HIT POINTS. Our attack power is even more ridiculous, with a Biting of 30 (!), and a Horniness of 25, which cannot be broken (!!!). Pretty much, this is the game beaten right here. We make a Record of Evolution is this thing as fast as we can, and we can probably throw all of our old records in the trash. We now know why the Review of Evolution crystals are green: because from here on, they serve no use other than to summon our goddamn beastly emerald dragon of the storm.


Alright, it's time to get the heck out of this cloud and do some mass burninating! This red crystal ain't gonna' last forever. Navigating our way through the roof of the cloud brings us to another large area, the River of Asteroid.


River of Asteroids Theme
Yeah, asteroids. We push beyond the clouds, beyond the ozone, beyond the field of broken satellites (where'd all this junk come from?), and into the vastness of space. We just evolved beyond Gaia. Sorry, dear, it's time for us to move on. These games have been fun, but we're a Celestial Jade Dragon now, and we can't be weighed down by the gravity of a feminine planet spirit.

The River of Asteroid is 25 x 4 screens. 100 screens of empty space.
Bottom row is the roof of the clouds.
Row above that, the blue yonder, with thinning atmospheres.
Above that, the destroyed asteroid belt.
Above that, the void of space.

But what's that, higher still, the final screen? Seems to be an extra large piece of space debris, with an opening in it!


The interior of the space debris has a strange semblance to some sort of ruins. I want to note that it has a strangely man-made look, but man won't exist for several million years yet! However, inside we do find a sharp-toothed flying creature. Not sure, but probably some sort of Odontorhynchus? What the heck is it doing up here!?

In spite of this vouching for something called "in-tellah-gents," this guy doesn't display much of it, charging us and becoming the first creature to be slain by the vermilion star predator. Or maybe we was just smart enough to know that it was the most honorable way to go when everything else in this universe is now DOOMED. Unfortunately, his death leads him to fall below, where we can't eat him, but we have rather limited use for EVO.P right now, anyways.


The fun finally tries to stop, but with another green crystal given to us so soon, we simply use the one we got in the storm cloud to keep the party going, eat the new one, then exit this strange place to scour the void of space until yet another space vessel is found.


This ship contains another silly creature that doesn't know it's place.
An interesting apocalypse theory. I wonder if this could be referring to any significant historic event? At any rate, this spaceship (well, it is!) is a bit larger than the last, consisting of three rooms connected by a corridor. There's one of these annoying Ptero in each room. Such petty nuisances.


They give 100 EVO.P, which isn't bad, but forget that! Another red crystal presents itself! If this one is anywhere near as cool as the last, then we're in for some metal!


We're the goddamn Batman.


This form's certainly not bad. It's essentially our astral dragon, with less health, less bite, but more strength. Maybe if they'd put this in the storm cloud everything would be good, but it's just kind of underwhelming after the great Percival!

At any rate, we've one space station left to explore. remember that this area is a whopping 24 screens wide, so our bat runs out before we even get there. Well, if its just more of these odd space pterodactyls, we shouldn't be too worried.


What.
The.
Fffffff~~~.

I apologize, I'm probably a little late in announcing it, seeing as how we were just a dragon exploring Egyptian ruins floating in space, but it seems that this game was decided to stray a bit from the scientific days of evolving to defeat sharks to help somastrolites create oxygen. I'd say all sharks are well beyond jumped at this point. But... I'll do my best to do my duty to carry on in a scientific manner... so...

Ugh.... we encounter an... alien. Their precise date of origin is quite unknown, but theoretically long before most events in this game, and theoretically fictional. The most accurate accounts scientists currently have of them are based on studies from the alcohol-bated breath of your aunt Gertrude, who insists that they used her for vicious experiments before coupling with her. But she's lying. Her story is a blatant ruse. She forced herself upon those poor extra-terrestrials.


Yeah, you probably need it if you're coming at us like that. Do that 59 more times and we'll be in trouble. No, actually, these guys do collision damage a lot, and while there's no real that, it can be annoying, as it makes us fall out of the space ship. But, if we hug the walls as we're doing here, we'll be just fine, as we'll land on the small ledge to the right.


Great googly-moogly, that's a lot of EVO.P! I mean, we have pretty much nothing to spend it on, but still, that's a lot of EVO.P. This chapter's boss better be freaking awesome, because we've got it in us to go through three sets of Dual Horns.


Though we were set on continuing our domination series of sea < land < sky < space, we're a little distressed to have learned that an asteroid field (a whole damn field?) is coming to attack our poor beloved Gaia. Though she occasionally nags on us for eating certain creatures, in spite of telling us to follow "survival of the fittest," she is still someone that has helped us out a lot a long the day, what with constantly necro'ing us. Besides, she's rather attractive, and the vastness of outer space was experienced in its fullness rather quickly. So, it's time tackle the three remaining stages!

Next Time: Sharptooth!!! or Goodbye, Dinosaurs!

P.S. The first screen of that last set is taken from when I first emerged from the storm. I just stuck it here at the end for simplicity of screen sets.

Shit just got real awesome

It's pretty much from this point forward that the game pulls out the stops and just starts blowing our minds nonstop.

Wait, what's going on? You took the alternate path through the game and instead of slowly helping life evolve we're going to be protecting it from alien demonlords?

WTF. I've played through this game three times and I've never seen that Dragon form, nor do I remember those aliens. I think it's time for a fourth run.

The aliens have always been there... they're the whispered-of elements doing unnatural things with evolution and have been the manipulation behind most of the bosses. But meeting them at this point in the game is entirely optional.

Final Stage Theme
It feels a little surreal returning to the planet's surface to deal with the regular creatures after interrupting the evolutionary influence of aliens in the river of asteroid above, but, there remain tasks unfinished, creatures not yet devoured. We finally step foot onto the final group of stages for this chapter, and we get the appropriate shift to the finale theme of the chapter.


Not quite the onomatopoeia I associate with "howling," but, whatever. After that slew of insults from these idiotic looking things, I don't care - it's just one more excuse to take them down. Despite their aggressive attitudes, they're another creature that just wander back and forth indifferent to us, and snores snot bubbles at night. These guys are clearly in the Anklyosaurus Family, probably the sub-Family Polacanthinae. Polacanthus if I really wanna' stretch my luck.

Normally very annoying, our flying and vicious jaws make these guys a joke. They give 200 EVO.P each, not that we care at this point. They only have 10HP, so our attacks take them out instantly (you'd expect better defense with those huge shells), but if we jump on them just to see what they do when aggressive, it turns out to be a spinning attack.


They slowly build up to maximum speed, then spin across the ground towards us, ending in a leap as they reach us, in attempts to catch us should we try to jump over them. They then slowly spin to a stop. It only does 1 damage if it ever connects with us, but it has mild knockback, which tends to guarantee multiple hits, and the Pronesaurus is invincible for the duration of the spin. This really drags out fights with them if we can't one-shot them, but we can, and even if we couldn't, our flight always us to easily avoid the attack.


We begin climbing to the north in anticipation of this area's boss. But, the build-up to the finale is... the Omosaurus! Omosaurus is actually a thing, but it's an old name for a relative of Stegosaurus. I always assumed these were supposed to be Allosaurus, and since I can't find anything else they could be, I'm just going to keep assuming that.

Again with the insults! So, as most probably expected, Tyrasaurus will be our final opponent in this chapter! So be it! As these guy's look like baby tyrannosaurus, I'm sure they'll make wonderful practice for that feast! And, in fact, they do. This is pretty much practice for the boss fight.


These guys are probably the only potentially threatening thing we've encountered some becoming Quetzalcoatl. They do 6 damage with each bite, but bite in rapid succession. As you can see in the first screen, they're moving to bite us again as soon as we recover from the last. We trade bites at equal speeds, but our long neck gives us a range advantage, further enhanced by our bite causing decent knockback. Honestly, I'm most surprised that they live through a bite. These guys have 40HP each, but still go down swiftly, especially when snoring away. Another foe that can be deadly if we have two fighting us at once, but that's not a likely situation to end up in.


This stage features a high road and a low road, but little incentive to take one or the other. The only real notable aspect of it involves how the Omosaurus deal with aerial opponents.


Not content to have death reign from above like every other enemy, they will leap at us, and can jump much better than one would expect. Of course, should this connect, it will cause us to plummet to the ground. It didn't turn out too bad in this incident, but if the angle causes the Omosaurus to land atop us, they can get a couple good bites in. This a neglected detail of the long neck - while we have better range, once a smaller enemy closes in, we may find that they're too close for us to bite. Of course, this is all moot, as we could just fly through this whole stage, as we've no need for their 200 EVO.P dino meat.


At long last, we confront the dreaded king of the dinosaurs! He's much... smaller than I expected, really.

Okay, what's with everyone insulting us when we show up to slaughter them is these last few stages? Though, honestly, I don't mind it so much from these guys. I've always rather enjoyed how utterly ridiculous and amusing they find the concept that someone actually came to challenge them. They reveal that they, too, have been using the power of the crystals to achieve their current form. Dammit, crystals! As least you have the decency to not make as fight space dragons... At any rate, we are told that they will defeat us as easily as they can lift a baby. But, what kind of baby? A brachiosauros baby?


Bwuh? I guess intelligence really is increasing amidst the evolutionary hoi polloi! Though we are quite set on being the best of the best.... Being part of the tyrannosaurus army DOES sound very tempting.... Why not!


We are unable to prevent second thoughts from creeping up, but, come on! It will be no time at all until we are the leader of an army of t-rex! This is something we've got to do! The Tyrosaurus is a bit surprised by our agreement, and let's out a bit of laughter, no doubt relief that we didn't call his bluff and devour him on the spot. We ask to be directed to the tyro-harem, as we walk together into the sunset, our wing over his shoulder, and his pathetic t-rex arm pawing futily at our own.

Ending #1: Tyrasaurus
A Glimpse Into the Future Theme



Yeah, continue to eat them all! And then... we eat the Tyrasaurus, too! Right?


Aww, crap... We kinda' forgot about the whole "River of Asteroids" falling fiasco...


W-What? Come one, we've already established that we can fly through and over those asteroids, and we certainly never sleep!? Were we too enraptured in devouring the entirety of the cycle of life to notice the rain of fire falling upon us!? Whatever...

So, as the reptile is the first form that can be kept for the entire game, it is also the first form you can complete the game with, if you really consider this an ending. Whelp, game beaten! This LP was fun, guys!

Boss Theme
Okay, okay, kidding. Plenty more endings and 2 more chapters to go, with more bizarre things to come then our space dragon escapades, if you can believe it! As soon as the ending concludes, the game dumps us back on the world map with no change, save that our former comrades are now dead set on devouring us. Why must all of our friends turn on us!? However, I've backtracked a bit to behold the dialogue the Tyrasaurus speaks when refused.

Pay the price, you mean? My affront is a rather immediate transaction, I don't see the need to delay the process with something that might damage my spiritual credit (it's certainly bad enough with all my attacking of lizards and Syrocosaurus, both young and elderly)...


Poor guy seems to have very bad depth perception, though, as without us even moving, it takes him 3 bites to finally grab hold of us. But, once he does, the damage is large enough that we don't want to let him do it again. If you couldn't tell from that damage, if we were any less than ultimate form, we'd definitely be going down in a mere 2 bites from this guy. I suppose to counter our long necks and ramming attacks, he bites pre-maturely, and then just proceeds to rapid-bite while slowly moving forward. If he gets you in his jaws, you're as likely to get away as you are to get an instant game over from his swift succession of chomps.


If we let him get in too close, we'd have to trade blows, but if we time our bites carefully, we can keep our range advantage as our opponent rushes in. He has no extra defense, thankfully, but still has 75 HP, meaning he takes four bites before he goes down, which is four chances for us to make a critical mistake. Still, it's a rather lame chapter boss. No special meat, and a rather anti-climactic battle...


Ah, wait! It seems there's more than one of these fellows, here! In fact, there's a whole stage full of them! This one's hanging out on a ledge above, so we'll just strike from below and... get jumped on, I guess...


Seems these guys don't go easy on the jumping damage, either. At least we're again safe from follow-up attacks when our opponent lands. Once we teach him a lesson for his rudeness, we wander to where yet another green crystal waits. This chapter's really flooded in these things! And this seems more and more like a normal stage, rather than a boss. Oh well, this means we get a freebie on pulling out our secret weapon!


PANTS! Okay, I'm kidding. Let's do this the right way.


Percy comes out to do some major damage, give us a breather, as we can actually take a decent number of hits from these guys without too much danger. He only lasts long enough to take out 3 or 4, but that's 3 or 4 less to deal with.


And, see, this is what I was talking about. This fellow leaps on us, and lands right on top of us. We can't bite him - our jaws would go right past him. So we start squirming to put some extra space between he and us. But this guy's biting away as fast as he can, and that's faster than we can run away.


This is probably one of the easiest bosses in the game, technically. The only real threat comes from the fact that any tiny little mistake can cause you to die almost instantly. We will mourn the loss of our useless 8000 EVO.P. And, if you're thinking, "Why didn't we just evolve a new pair of Dual Horns (which we broke while fighting) in order to heal?", well, you're underestimating how fast these guys bite. Once we and he landed over the ground together, it was only about one second before our little scuffle was over. I'd been going through them pretty easily before then, so I was too relaxed, I guess. I mean, we! We were too relaxed. I'm not taking the fall for this one!


We're starting to get kind of annoyed with the ones that hang out on that ledge, so we decide to have some fun and ram one right off. He humorously responds by leaping back up at us to get knocked down again. This fellow makes our tenth kill. How many of these guys do we have to go through!?


Apparently, ten. Suddenly, the screen begins to shudder violently, which we initially presume is the result of Gaia's spasms of pleasure at our phenomenal progress. But, no, she informs us otherwise!

I thought our earlier ending said several thousand years passed before this happened!? I guess we're breezing through these years much faster than expected... Actually, if we're playing several million years each chapter, then I guess that would make sense. Man, that ended really was a gyp.


Oh, what Enix? It was changed forever? Lost to the folds of time? Began the lengthy process of being converted into convenient fossil fuels for future generations? We've been slaughtering ecosystems left and right, you really expect us to care about the death of some dinosaurs, especially when we were just pulled out of an apparently endless battle with a bunch of especially ferocious ones?


Extinction Theme
Oh... oh my god... They're dead... They're all dead....
Jesus, that tyrannosaurus has its spine smashes to pieces...
OHMYGOD, that dying brontosaurus just had a meteor explode on its face!!!


Those two brontos died together, it's so sad.!;_;
Even the triceratops? Even the triceratops children!?
Syrocosaurus father and daughter, nooooOOOoooooOOoo~~~~!!!
I'm sorry I ate you in an alternate timeline! I'm sorry!
Oh, god, why do I have to keep seeing all of these flaming rocks smashing into the people I loved!? (to eat)


It's okay, Gaia, it's alright. Even though you are now shadowed from the loving warmth of your father, we're still here for you! And we'll be sure to get you better schooling than he did for your grammar. "This is a sad incident referred the..." Furthermore, "generations to come" is a bit of an understatement, when it will still be talked about over 65 million years later, don't you think? This somber event brings Chapter 3 to a close, as the screen fades to black...

So, once more, we are hurled threw time to the future. Meanwhile, this sudden asteroid impact lays waste to the Age of Reptiles. Goodbye, dinosaurs!


But, what if the dinosaurs weren't all destroyed? What if the impact of that meteor created a parallel dimension, where the dinosaurs continued to thrive, and evolve into intelligent, vicious, aggressive beings!? Just like us. And, hey! What if they found a way back?


It would probably be pretty stupid, actually. Even if I actually love that movie.

Mother Earth Theme

Now hold on a minute! Everyone knows that if you hastily leap into a TimeTrans to escape 65 million BC, and end up in the Ice Age, then the date needs to be 12,000 BC! This isn't even halfway there! ...sigh... This chapter is set in the Paleogene Period, though, for some reason, it ends just before the 2nd of the period's 3 Epochs, the Eocene. This Epoch's conclusion was marked by another large scale death event. More importantly... the start of this Period was one of the hottest times for the earth, and though heavy cooling did begin to take place, the real ice age didn't hit until after the dates in this chapter's timespan.


World Map Theme
Okay, and I thought the last world looked interesting! Chapter 4 has a large assortment of caves, several "ice rinks," a desert island, a jungle island, a floating castle, some curious-looking ice pillars to the north, and some glaciers (did I mention the floating castle!?). Also I hope you guys are ready for a lot of boss battles. But, we're getting ahead of ourselves! Let's hop into our mandatory instructional stage. This ice is a real pain, but we're flighty as ever, so it's no big deal for us. Climbing this wall to our left reveals the standard yellow crystal we've come to expect.


Ice Theme
That's right! Very soon, the final evolutionary tree will be offered to us, and it is the most diverse by far, even allowing the eventual evolution into the most dangerous creature of all!


The first of the three local caverns becomes available to us, the Cave of Judgment... I mean, Judgement. But who will be judged? Those ledges to the top-left always annoyed me, but they serve no purpose, so spelunking we go!


Sadness Theme
G-G-G-GHOSTS!!!
Inedible ghosts! Damn!

Are either of these families the one we slaughtered and then retroactively saved? Are all Syrocosaurus families made up of a single parent and but one child? Pressing further, into the heart of the cavern, reveals the spirits of the family we had been told of, waiting atop a small cluster of rocks.

Well, you guys must have plenty of hope considering how many I put away. For that matter, isn't your species extinct? You've gotta' be as hopeful as you've ever been right now! Though that doesn't really make sense...


Wow, that choice came upon us sooner than expected! So, what'll it be folks? Things to consider:

• I think there's only one more easter egg that can only be seen by flying, and I'll be showing it to us regardless. Though, there are still a number of stages and bosses that are much easier while flying.
• However, this won't be the absolute end of flying, if we abandon it here, as we'll still be able to use green crystals if we find the need.
• Mammal will, obviously, lose flying. What does it gain? Kicking. A new attack type.
• Mammal has a couple easter egg evolutions (such as human), which I'll be briefly showing off regardless of whether we go that route or not.
• Most importantly, the choice doesn't have to be made now. We can come back to this place at any time before completing the chapter for a mammal form.

Well, I think that's everything you guys should need to know!
Next time:
Leaving It All Behind, For the Very Last Time!
or
We're Defying Gravity, And Nobody Is Ever Gonna' Bring Us Down!

Stick around with flying for a little longer, then become a mammal!

Also oh god I didn't mean to post in the middle of your update my bad.

It's perfectly fine, it mildly amuses me when people do. I went ahead and posted the rest while I was working on that last piece, because I thought that the mammal option would distract anyone from commenting on any of the prior events.

Abandon the flying death machine for a furry cute rodent!

What kind of creature do you become if you choose mammal at this time? Can you become a saber-tooth tiger?

Fly while ya still can- soon you'll be a gingerbread man!
Or a mammal... whichever comes first XD

Let's become mammal.

Thanks to the crystals green, you can fly whenever you want. So mammal it up! Also, am I the only one who noticed that we've now progressed to a frozen Eurasia, jungle-covered Africa, and barren-looking Australia as our world map? Hmm, another Enix game on the SNES where the world map ends up being Earth in some fashion, what are the odds?

Mammals are boring. I'm a mammal right now, and it sucks!