Abandon logic, all ye who enter here - Let's Play King's Quest VII

I may have to learn to accept that, despite what my teenage self thought, this wasn't a particularly good game. I can console myself with the fact that most of the people on Talking Time have their own such demons they have to face.

What this LP is teaching me that I'd never seemed to notice in my youth is that half of the dialogue in this game is "HMMMM ...".

What you've also probably blocked out (and I will have to address in later parts) is that the travel time from area to area is absolutely ludicrous in how slow it is. I still recall the annoyance of a certain intentionally-lengthened corridor during chapter 2 and trying to navigate it on my old 486/SX33. It took me nearly as much time to reach the end of it as the first two parts of this LP showcased. All I can say is, damn I'm glad I'm not running this game at 33MHz any longer.

I like how Valanice looks at the comb, sobs uncontrollably, pauses to walk over to the basin, and then picks up immediately afterwards.

AND DUST YOU SHALL BECOME BLAAAAAAAGH

I dunno about you, but I'm really not fond of YouTube's 10-minutes-max limit for any user who didn't grandfather their account in with one of the account types that allows for longer videos than that before the change. As such, I'm going to be using Viddler for future installments. Hopefully that won't be too big a problem for too many readers; let me know if it is.

The intro and first two parts are up there now, just in case you couldn't get enough of me before (unlikely though that is).

Introduction
Part I
Part II

Part III will be up just as soon as I finish it. You can thank finals week for the delay.

This is especially irritating given that a lot of Sierra's adventure games had speed settings so you could avoid this exact problem. It's like they were going out of their way to ensure the player had an awful time with this one.

Part III is up at last. The additional delay besides finals was due to my voice going hoarse at an inopportune time. The solution is far from ideal, and I'll likely re-upload it at a later date with a better commentary track (unless people don't mind my using MS Sam). But until then, enjoy.

You know, I wonder... KQ7 was released in November of '94. In March of '95, Sierra released The Realm, their attempt at an MMORPG which featured a cartoony art style, a split screen with your character in the top half, and a simplified point-and-click interface. It also ran about as well as a hay cart in a mud pit, when it didn't just crash completely or suffer from crippling, game-breaking lag.

I can only imagine that launching a graphical MMORPG in the days of 14.4kbps modems must have been a daunting task, requiring far more resources than what the project was actually worth. Perhaps they designed KQ7 with The Realm in mind, in an attempt to convince their fans to be more receptive of The Realm... or perhaps it's just that both games are separate examples of Sierra's decline. Possibly the latter, although I wager there must be some sort of story connecting the two.

Regardless, this is a game I never, ever would have wanted to play. Thanks for doing this, Sky Render - this LP is marvelously enlightening.

We're just steamrolling right on through, aren't we? My voice is back to what can approximately be dubbed normal, much to the relief of everyone who had to suffer through that MS Sam voice last time. But enough guff, let's play!

Y'know, I was thinking that calmly spoken accentless troll was off somehow.

Then it hit me: he's Uncle Ruckus in troll form!

I half-expected Cedric to come flying in from nowhere that last video to utter a completely pointless warning before Rosella plummeted to her death.

Will I never escape the specter of that damn owl?

That troll world really seemed so vibrant to me when I was 13. Jesus. The corridors, the corridors!!

Sorry about the two-week hiatus. I had a guest for the duration and didn't have much chance to record during that time. Hopefully I'll have the next part up soonish, though.

Don't worry, it takes a bit time to recover from watching such a train-wreck of a game. The sad part for me is that I kinda looked forward to playing this when I bought KQ 1-7 a few years ago (of which I only played 1 so far). I thought the reviews of the game were better back in the day, but either I misrembered or the German videogame journalists were all on some Sierra drugs back in the day. But I'll always fondly remember the series, mostly because KQ5 was one of the games that came with my first (used) computer. Although I never actually beat it because I hadn't the copy protection codes back then. Oh and one thing: will you skip part 8 because it isn't really much of a King's Quest game (and should be stripped of the name) and go straight to The Silver Lining? If you really want to do another King's Quest after this, I'd understand if not just by watching the videos.

There is no King's Quest VIII. That I can say with authority, as Mask of Eternity was not numbered. And no, I won't LP MoE, because even if I did get the crazy idea to do so, I don't have it.

Viddler is having some encoding issues, which is delaying part 5 even longer (it was done yesterday afternoon). Hopefully they'll get the problem resolved soon. I hesitate to re-upload a 281MB video if they can fix it on their end, but it's looking like I might have to...

SQ6 used a similar art style (and was, for its own reasons, not really a good game either). It was likely Sierra policy at the time that the King's Quest series set the technology their other titles used.

In a fantastic bout of irony, Viddler's problems have forced me to resort to uploading part V up onto YouTube... in 2 pieces. I've put a link in the description of each video to the other parts, but I'll also provide double-linking in text form here and in the introductory post.


Part V (1 of 2)
Part V (2 of 2)

Sorry you're right, I didn't want to imply that Mask of Eternity had anything to do with the real King's Quest series, that's Sierra's fault. And I'm not sure I've ever met someone who has this or played this, and it never shows up on any download service. So as far as I'm concerned it could have been a smear campaign to damage Sierra reputation, after they pretty much wrecked that themselves of course.

I own it and have played it. That said out of the 8 lands in the game I have only ever made it to the third, the Swamp, and that took a supreme amount of effort...

That game is terrible.

Ok, I take it back, it seems to exist then and is as bad as its reputation.
Again a good video Sky Render. Unfortunately Youtube's Vuvuzela button doesn't improve the game as much as I hoped, it just makes it harder to hear your witty commentary, which is main reason to watch it for me.

Movin' right along...



Part VI (1 of 2)
Part VI (2 of 2)

It's King's Quest VII Time again!



Part VII (1 of 2)
Part VII (2 of 2)

You're right, the mockingbird is the best ever.

Fun Fact!

I took an animation class at Syracuse University from the guy who ran the small animation studio that did some of the animation for this game and the hand drawn Leisure Suit Larry game. In the latter, there is an Easter egg of penises enacting the dance of the sugarplum fairies.

They also did the pencils for Rover Dangerfield.
http://animotioninc.com/about.htm

Carry on!

You might say this part made me a bit cheesed off. Dohohoho! ...Sorry. Anyway, here we go!



Part VIII (1 of 2)
Part VIII (2 of 2)

I've finally gotten all caught up with the videos, and I've just got to say... You're doing a much better job of this than I would have.

Also, why is Valanice constantly wobbling around whenever she gets too close to a ledge or is forced to walk faster than a lethargic snail? Is she a closet alcoholic who's been drunk the entire game? I feel like that would explain a lot.

We've had so much Valanice lately, it's high time we got a little Rosella to balance it out. I would've updated yesterday, but I was too busy celebrating my birthday.



Part IX (1 of 2)
Part IX (2 of 2)

Oh man, that place really is a lawsuit waiting to happen.

And full of a billion stupid deaths. Sort of shoots the whole "don't punish the player overmuch" mentality in the foot.

OMG A BEETLE *dies*

WELL THAT WAS STUPID OF ME. MAYBE NEXT TIME I SHOULD WATCH OUT FOR THINGS THAT ARE MOVING.

Chapter 4, 5, and 6 are all incredibly abusive of the whole "no true game over" feature. I fully expect that Death Count to skyrocket shortly.

I've found a very interesting site that highlights just how much KQ7 was rushed to final product status. There's a mess of unused resources in it, including some sketches! Here's a preview to tempt you, an unused animation of troll Rosella appreciating her new physique.



What, were you expecting something naughty?