
Pizza time. Oh it’s pizza time. Gather round everyone it’s pizza time.
Once you’ve received your complimentary slice,* raise it high into the air and recite the following oath:
Splinter Mikey Donatello
Ralph is rude but what a fellow
Leo Vernon April O’Neil
Baxter Stockman what’s his deal?
Roadkill Rodney Bebop Rocksteady
Pizza Thrower fueled and ready
No anchovies please, they are sour
Now you’re playing with TURTLE POWER!
That’s it, you’re in the secret club! First order of business: The Top 50 TMNT Stuff and Junk Countdown!
*Keep an eye on your mailbox.
***
50. Four Things!
(1 vote each, 36 points)

50. Four Things!
(1 vote each, 36 points)
It’s appropriate that the opening entry is a four-way tie of disparate Turtle Junk. We’ve got a toy line, an obscure character, a wacky food product, and a bit of official lore. You couldn’t ask for a better start. Turtles is long, Turtles is wide. The reach of Turtles encompasses much, as showcased by our Number 50 entries:

Cyber Samurai Armor
A toy series from ’94 that sees our turtle boys decked out in ancient chrometanium super-cytech ultra-armor. Or something like that. As the TMNT merch machine churned along new and innovative concepts were needed to bolster the line and a number of non-canon themed sets ended up on store shelves. These vaguely beetle-themed samurai powersuits seem to be a reaction to the encroaching Power Ranger threat and the set was even going to include a giant mecha-turtle the brothers could pilot, but it never saw production. There’s been several attempts to introduce the suits in-universe including an episode of the original show, an arc of the Archie comic, and a Nickelodeon produced pilot where this very good elderly Michelangelo mentors a new generation of turtle-robots:


Cudley the Cowlick
The best character in the whole TMNT universe barely made it at #50? Surprising but true! Cudley is a pan-dimensional cow’s head who can transport people across time and space by carrying them inside his mouth. He’s emblematic of the whole Archie comic vibe, bizarre but oh so compelling. He’s shown up in various Turts projects over the years and even strayed to such far off pastures as the Wild West C.O.W.-Boys of Moo Mesa.
“Cudely is so weird. I love him. An interstellar flying cow head is one of Archie's best additions to the TMNT verse.” – Dr. Nerd

Northampton, MA
Home of Mirage Studios and a frequent rural retreat for the turtles across their various incarnations. Usually after facing a major defeat them bros hide out at Casey’s (April’s in the film) family farm to rest and recoup before kicking Shredder’s butt. It’s here where they meet Splinter’s force-ghost. Interestingly, just last week the real Northampton voted to use $20,000 of Covid relief funds on four commemorative TMNT manhole covers. Cowabunga?
Character Popsicles
“Those ice cream truck things where the vague impression of a headband is bleeding in with the green so it's hard to say who it even is and the gumball eyes are basically guaranteed never to be properly aligned. Like the pies, I am able to rationalize this through what are arguably comic appearances.” – Purple
Toeing the line, IMO. These classic treats existing in-universe has disturbing implications.

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