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Eff It, I'm Going Through The Whole Zelda Series (And Then Some) Until I Get Bored

Mr. Sensible

Pitch and Putt Duffer
The Valiant Comics follow the same setup and themes as the cartoon show, but I remember them being generally better written and less obsessed with kissing.
Oh, I think I still have one issue of the Valiant LoZ comic! It was actually very nicely printed with decent art, believe it or not, and I also remember the stories being pretty interesting. One was about the "Day of the Triforce," a day in which all three Triforces suddenly vanish for mysterious reasons! The other story was about how Shadow Link stole the real Link's identity, and somehow used that to subjugate the real Link's hometown under his despotic rule. This of course leads to a lot of angry townspeople (including Link's own parents) throwing shade/rotten vegetables at the real Link once he shows up, and I think he gets thrown in jail by Shadow Link before both of them face off in a duel to the death (spoiler: no one actually dies).

I hereby proclaim the Valiant Zelda comics as "decent light fantasy with a dash of videogame nonsense."
 
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Kzinssie

(she/her)
I'm definitely looking forward to the Valiant comics, since I think there's some genuinely good ideas here. But I still have... oh jesus, 8 more episodes to get through before then.
 

FelixSH

(He/Him)
Please know that I enjoy this thread a lot.

I had seen a few episodes of the cartoon, when I was, uh, I'd say in kindergarten? I was very young, and thought that cartoon was the best thing ever.

I rewatched the first episode when I was 15 or 16. it was disappointing, it was so, SO much better in my memory.

Also, it was the first part of the franchise I experienced, before I played any of the games. But the names Link and Zelda must have stuck - when I played Links Awakening, I still remembered that it was connected to the cartoon.

That manga looks very interesting.
 
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jpfriction

A most radical pontiff
I do like the episode where some wizrobe or whatever dresses up like Zelda and Link knows immediately she’s fake but still makes out with her like 40 times.
 

Kzinssie

(she/her)
 

Kzinssie

(she/her)
THE LEGEND OF ZELDA (ANIMATED SERIES) EPISODE 6: THAT SINKING FEELING

This one opens with Link taking Zelda on a romantic picnic and Zelda immediately being onboard for a kiss before they get interrupted. Zelda's boomerang has a kangaroo on it. Zelda gets tied up by Tektites in a way that feels like it probably awakened some things for people. Ganon pulls Hyrule Castle underground with a giant cartoon U magnet, and aside from the cartoon magnet that does feel like something Ganon would do in a modern game. However, Zelda already left with the Triforce of Wisdom for, presumably, some reason - hilariously carrying it on a string like a balloon - and she and Zelda go into the underground. I don't know if I've mentioned this, but the Triforce of Wisdom actually talks in this? It speaks in rhyme and imparts moral lessons and such. It's weird. Link bombs a wall to open up a dungeon, which is the most this cartoon has been like Zelda so far. Ganon throws a The Room-style tantrum when he can't find the Triforce, made much funnier by watching in 2x speed, culminating in him literally screaming I'M VERY UPSET! Zelda channels the Triforce of Wisdom to make a staircase? Apologies if these are just notes at this point, but tabbing between the cartoon and writing these up is the only thing that keeps me sane even at 2x speed. As a side note - it's weird that there's only two Triforces in this, given that it came out after Zelda 2 added the Triforce of Courage. Link finds a power bracelet which gives him super strength to break chains, I guess. I don't know. Knocking over the cartoon magnet causes the castle to rise up out of the ground, followed by the magnet exploding. Sure. Link tries to pull a "I guess that's worth a kiss," and the King is the one who kisses him, which is almost funny if you ignore the latent homophobia. Everybody laughs, cut to Lou Albano's stupid fucking dance. I gotta be honest, I don't know that I can finish this show, but I refuse to have that asterisk next to "doing the entire Zelda franchise in chronological order", and 2x playback definitely makes it more bearable.
 

ASandoval

Old Man Gamer
(he/him)
As a side note - it's weird that there's only two Triforces in this, given that it came out after Zelda 2 added the Triforce of Courage.

The third triforce appears in an episode of Captain N that acts as a semi-sequel to this series. I say semi because I remember it being very different feeling from the series, enough to feel like it's own thing although the voice actors from the Zelda cartoon reprise their role, but the idea is that the original cartoon = Zelda 1 while the Captain N episode is based on Zelda 2, complete with appearance by Horsehead.
 

Octopus Prime

Mysterious Contraption
(He/Him)
This may be my favourite depiction of Ganon in any medium, for what it’s worth.

It’s not enough to make up for horndog Link, but it helps
 

Kzinssie

(she/her)
time to push this boulder back up this hill

THE LEGEND OF ZELDA (ANIMATED SERIES) EPISODE 7: DOPPELGANGER

Link is humming the Mario theme while he does sword training, which is a lot to contemplate. Link mentions Christmas by name, which is also a lot to contemplate. Ganon's scenes are the only things I go back to 1x playback for, since he's hard to understand sped up and he's the best part of the show by far - on the other hand, every action sequence is much funnier at 2x speed. Anyway, this is the one mentioned upthread where Ganon kidnaps Zelda and replaces her with an evil doppelganger via a magic mirror - it's a delayed effect, though, and when the mirror appears in her chambers Zelda just goes "hmm I wonder where this came from" and immediately starts brushing her hair. Doppelganger Zelda is wearing different clothes and is horny, immediately kissing Link. Then Link falls over and she fucking steps on him. I didn't think this show was capable of having The Horny One, but here we are. Doppelganger Zelda doesn't have a reflection, I guess, which is how Link figures out something's up? "Coochie coo!" - Ganon to Zelda. Zelda calls Ganon Porky. Link continues to accept kisses from the doppelganger despite knowing she's not Zelda. oh my god they're doing the fucking scooby doo door chase bit. The force field gets used for a completely unremarkable fight scene, which is further evidence that they made this show up as they went. The Zeldas get covered in mud, and Link uses a kissing context to figure out who's who - the trick is that regular Zelda won't kiss him, ha ha ha. oh my god the triforce floating like a balloon in that one episode is now a plot point because they're riding it out

Overall, this episode was the horniest yet, but it also had the most Ganon, so it's impossible to tell if it's bad. Fun trivia I somehow remember from a podcast years ago: this was written by Bob and Eve Forward, who are siblings. Yikes!
 

Beowulf

Let the Mystery Be
(He/Him)
Bob Forward started on He-Man and wrote for pretty much every action cartoon you can think of over the last four decades. (Though I first remember learning his name watching Beast Wars: Transformers.) I don't know much about his sister, though--they weren't commonly a team.
 

Kzinssie

(she/her)
to be fair i could see this being way more fun watched once a week. watching these back to back so they all bleed together, even with a couple hours in between, is definitely not the intended format
 

Kzinssie

(she/her)
ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

THE LEGEND OF ZELDA (ANIMATED SERIES) EPISODE 8: UNDERWORLD CONNECTIONS

Link is even a creep while sleepwalking, attempting to break into Zelda's room in the dead of night. Vires break into Link's room while he's occupied with that, which is also where the Triforce of Wisdom is kept (I think I forgot to mention this before), and break it into three pieces before flying off with them. Link manages to get one, and thus is the setup for the plot. Link shoots a laser at the shard he has, which somehow makes the Vires carrying the other two get zapped? Sure, why not. Zelda feels the break points on the shard and finds one is wet and the other is hot, meaning one fell underwater and the other is somewhere hot, because logic. Link's eyebrows disappear for several frames, which is actually the sort of animation error this show has been pretty good about up until now. A magic compass is actually used to point the way to the other pieces, and at that point that counts as something from Zelda to keep me grounded in reality. Link kicks some Ropes and they actually bleed! Link hands Ganon the final piece, but because it was in lava, it burns his hands. Cute. Link surfs on some fire with his shield. Honestly, this one was pretty good! Link's horniness was kept to a minimum, and the plot had enough meat to it to stay engaging. If you feel the need to watch the Zelda cartoon and aren't as thorough as me, this is probably the episode to watch.
 

nosimpleway

(he/him)
Ganon pulls Hyrule Castle underground with a giant cartoon U magnet, and aside from the cartoon magnet that does feel like something Ganon would do in a modern game.
What if it were the Temple of Seasons instead of Hyrule Castle, would that count?

Also does 2001 count as modern it's closer to the release of the cartoon than it is to now, hold on going over to the "christ I'm old" thread for a little while
 

Kzinssie

(she/her)
THE LEGEND OF ZELDA (EPISODE 9): STINGING THE STINGER

Link opens by doing something creepy to or about Zelda, nothing new there. "It's hero time!" - Link upon hearing a cry for help. He finds a group of human bandits menacing... Oh. Oh no. Oh, that's an antisemitic caricature, isn't it. I am going to link an image of this character but I cannot overstate how wildly antisemitic he is: you have been warned. His name is fucking goddamn Sleazenose, but at least he talks in a generic cartoon old guy voice instead of a--oh my fucking god he just called Link "noble nord". This is gonna be a rough one, huh. Do I even need to say he's a greedy merchant who tries to scam Link with bad deals on faulty merchandise? How about the fact that one of those deals is trading his good European sword for an exotic scimitar? Jesus Christ. Due to his inferior Eastern blade, Link can't fight Ganon and he and Zelda are captured and held for ransom. Link's eyebrows disappear again. The merchant whose name I refuse to type again enters Ganon's chambers and offers to sell him Link's sword for 1000 rupees, which Ganon refuses, having his Moblins take it instead. Link tries to kiss Zelda one more time before they're fed into the Rancor Gohma pit. The merchant had lockpicks, how convenient! They break out and then are back in Hyrule castle, where they inexplicably chose to bring the merchant along because we haven't seen enough of him, and of course he's trying to steal anything that isn't nailed down the moment they take their eyes off of him. "We can't fight Ganon with magical power, so we'll need to use natural things instead." "You mean like bugs and stuff?" "Exactly!" They put the merchant in a beekeeping outfit and have him load a beehive onto a catapult, then have him intercept Ganon while he... rides down a main road outside Hyrule Castle... holding Link's sword? Okay, why not. He offers Ganon a chest which he claims holds the Triforce of Wisdom, but instead holds another beehive. Link swoops in while he's distracted and gets his sword back, and then Zelda launches the other beehive at him apparently for shits and giggles. The merchant tries to steal the Triforce of Wisdom, but it's actually a box full of ants that Sprite glamoured to look like the Triforce? Everybody laughs, Lou Albano does the Mario. Final score: incredibly racist/10
 

Kzinssie

(she/her)
As part of procrastination for watching more of this fucking show, I've updated the list in the OP a bit. Most notably, I added the Smash games as well as SoulCalibur II and separated Hyrule Warriors into multiple entries for each DLC pack - I'd do the same for BotW, but it's the only thing in 2017 right now so there's no real reason to break it up like that.
 

Kzinssie

(she/her)
THE LEGEND OF ZELDA (ANIMATED SERIES) EPISODE 10: HITCH IN THE WORKS

Link tries to sneak out of the castle to go fishing, but Zelda stops him and makes him do some cleaning. A robot appears but immediately runs into a wall and collapses, because this show could never be cool enough to have a robot episode. Turns out it was built by the castle groundskeeper as an assistant. Wait, maybe I'm wrong - the groundskeeper is apparently a wizard and casts a spell to bring the robot back, since Link is totally on board with "any adventure that means he has to do less work". The robot starts using a broom as a pogo stick??? and Link and the groundskeeper, whose name I have already forgotten, go after it, just as moblins break into the castle because it apparently has no security. The robot comes back and one of the moblins breaks it, so Link fights them. The robot grabs a moblin from behind and hearts come out of his head? I support the gay monsterfucker robot. The robot then collapses on top of Link, and the groundskeeper apparently just fucking runs away, leaving him to be found by Zelda and accused of sleeping on the floor with a bunch of junk around. Okay, the groundskeeper's name is Doof - I have confirmed this because I kept mishearing it as Link calling him "dude". Cut to the only good part of this show, Ganon has a jewel of control he wants to use to mind control Zelda and make her marry him. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Moblins straight up bust in and just carry Zelda off, and Link can't stop them because he was expecting Doof to send in some fake Moblins for him to heroically fight off due to them being much less, efficient. OH SHIT THIS IS THE EPISODE THAT ONE GIF COMES FROM! Despite his sick speedrun strats, Link isn't fast enough to stop the moblins from carrying Zelda underground, where Ganon puts the control necklace on and ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh. They get married by a dude in a grim reaper costume. Link busts in just in time for the one part of the vows about anyone who thinks the two should not be wed, because this cartoon is dead set on doing absolutely every cliche in the books and there's only 4 episodes left. Despite Ganon summoning a Gleeok to slow him down, Link successfully gets the mind control necklace off of Zelda and escapes. Doof appears with his fake moblin in a vague attempt to connect this back to the completely different episode it started as, we cut to Ganon swearing his revenge, Lou Albano does the Mario.
 

Kzinssie

(she/her)
That gif was in fact one of the few bits of this series I'd seen beforehand, and it was one of the things I was most looking forward to in the happy times before I was 10 episodes deep in this shit. I had nearly forgotten
 
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