Pajaro Pete
(He/Himbo)
i continue to enjoy these summaries but in lieu of providing interesting commentary or trivia i am opting to provide this image i saw on the internet
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Octo Watches Xena: Warrior Princess blind!
- Thread starter Octopus Prime
- Start date
Altered States is an episode that is apparently named for the goofy subplot of Gaby getting trashed on magic fantasy drugs rather than the episodes main plot which continues the shows them of “Every story that happened back in sandal and toga times happened to Xena, specifically”, as it’s an adaptation of the story of Isaac and Abraham from the Old Testament, except set in Ancient Greece, and featuring way more scenes of a beefy woman clobbering Fools. Shes like if Forrest Gump was in the bible.
Anyway, while teaching Gaby to fish with her bare hands, Xena has a kid stumble upon her being chased by a bunch of guys who want to kill him. Aforesaid kid, as it turns out, is supposed to be sacrificed to God because his dad heard a voice telling him to do that thing. Like... Yahweh, not one of the ones Xena usually talks to. Kid not upset about this either, just confused because he’s kind of reluctant to die on Gods behalf and also his dad seems to not really want to do it.
As it turns out, the kids older brother is jealous that their dad likes the younger one more so he drugs his dads nut-bread with hensbane (are those things?) and that makes him hallucinate a lot, and then he used some implausibly convincing folly work to tell him to kill his son to prove his faith. Xena figures this out, and is thrown into a well for it (I kind of spaced out a bit at this point so I missed the rational) and gets out of the well in time to get into a fight with the older brother, who decides to die rather than lI’ve to see Xena foil his plan, and then another voice steps in at the last minute to tell the father to NOT kill his son on Gods behalf, which both Xena and Gaby deny supplying, shortly after talking about having a conversation about having just one God would be way more convenient than a whole mountain full of them.
Which is a far less concrete example of divine intervention than the fact that the episode opened with Xena managing to instantly put on a suit of leather armour while soaking wet, and that she then dispatched a half dozen soldiers with a small fish. I suspect she’s had lots of experience on that second thing, though
Anyway, while teaching Gaby to fish with her bare hands, Xena has a kid stumble upon her being chased by a bunch of guys who want to kill him. Aforesaid kid, as it turns out, is supposed to be sacrificed to God because his dad heard a voice telling him to do that thing. Like... Yahweh, not one of the ones Xena usually talks to. Kid not upset about this either, just confused because he’s kind of reluctant to die on Gods behalf and also his dad seems to not really want to do it.
As it turns out, the kids older brother is jealous that their dad likes the younger one more so he drugs his dads nut-bread with hensbane (are those things?) and that makes him hallucinate a lot, and then he used some implausibly convincing folly work to tell him to kill his son to prove his faith. Xena figures this out, and is thrown into a well for it (I kind of spaced out a bit at this point so I missed the rational) and gets out of the well in time to get into a fight with the older brother, who decides to die rather than lI’ve to see Xena foil his plan, and then another voice steps in at the last minute to tell the father to NOT kill his son on Gods behalf, which both Xena and Gaby deny supplying, shortly after talking about having a conversation about having just one God would be way more convenient than a whole mountain full of them.
Which is a far less concrete example of divine intervention than the fact that the episode opened with Xena managing to instantly put on a suit of leather armour while soaking wet, and that she then dispatched a half dozen soldiers with a small fish. I suspect she’s had lots of experience on that second thing, though
Ties That Bind kicks off slightly different from the rest of the series, this time it’s slavers that Xena is beating down in the intro, as opposed To bandits. And they’re slavers run by the aptly named Cruellus, who, of course, has a thick Irish brogue, as you’d expect to hear in Ancient Greece.
Cruellus, besides an amazingly on-point name, apparently has such a successful career of the worst kind of terror and depredation because he’s been blessed by Ares as his champion on Earth. Riiiiight up until Xena happens by, at which point Ares says “Oh, right! I like her way more than you!” and revokes his blessings. Cruellus takes this breakup badly, and decides to have Xena killed to prove he’s more deserving ofthe War Gods favour.
Complicating things further is that Xenas dad has shown up! Apparently she has one of those! Gabby is distrustful of guy, after seeing him execute a prospective assassin instead of just Beating up him and leaving him embarrassed, as usual. And Xena is distrustful since she doesn’t believe he’s his father, until she hears him humming a lullaby he used to sing for her, and he explains that the “Rowdy Bandit Lord Youth” apple apparently didn’t fall far from the tree.
Eventually, Xena just cuts to the chase and forces Cruellus to a duel for the control of his gang, and trounces him handily, which she assumes will bring a peaceful end to the whole situation, except it seems that the village the slavers had attacked earlier were betrayed by Xenas dad, so they had him executed while she was off solving their slaver problem. And she responds by using her small army of brigands to attack the town in revenge.
Eventually, following a whack on the noodle from Gabrielle, Xena realizes she’s being manipulated, her “father” was actually Ares in disguise, trying to trick her into falling off the murder-wagon again. And she rebuffs him again and leaves the village.
And I presume the slavers and villagers just agree to let bygones be bygones.
Cruellus, besides an amazingly on-point name, apparently has such a successful career of the worst kind of terror and depredation because he’s been blessed by Ares as his champion on Earth. Riiiiight up until Xena happens by, at which point Ares says “Oh, right! I like her way more than you!” and revokes his blessings. Cruellus takes this breakup badly, and decides to have Xena killed to prove he’s more deserving ofthe War Gods favour.
Complicating things further is that Xenas dad has shown up! Apparently she has one of those! Gabby is distrustful of guy, after seeing him execute a prospective assassin instead of just Beating up him and leaving him embarrassed, as usual. And Xena is distrustful since she doesn’t believe he’s his father, until she hears him humming a lullaby he used to sing for her, and he explains that the “Rowdy Bandit Lord Youth” apple apparently didn’t fall far from the tree.
Eventually, Xena just cuts to the chase and forces Cruellus to a duel for the control of his gang, and trounces him handily, which she assumes will bring a peaceful end to the whole situation, except it seems that the village the slavers had attacked earlier were betrayed by Xenas dad, so they had him executed while she was off solving their slaver problem. And she responds by using her small army of brigands to attack the town in revenge.
Eventually, following a whack on the noodle from Gabrielle, Xena realizes she’s being manipulated, her “father” was actually Ares in disguise, trying to trick her into falling off the murder-wagon again. And she rebuffs him again and leaves the village.
And I presume the slavers and villagers just agree to let bygones be bygones.
Just want to say this is very much on brand for the Olympians