It's dangerous to go alone! Let's Play The Legend of Zelda!

He also decides to pick up some Arrows, even though he has no Bow with which to shoot them. The Dude is just that kind of a guy.


As it would so happen, in the process of smashing some faces with his new Magic Wand and Bombs, The Dude knocks open a hole into a mountain, a hole into Level 9. Death Mountain. There’s probably something nice in there.


The Old Man’s meaning is clear, even if his English isn’t. The Dude won’t be knocking on Ganon’s door until we get all 8 Pieces of the Triforce. Well, he’s done about all he can do without getting any, so it looks like it’s to start finding some Magic Triangles.

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Will The Dude spend more time gathering items, or will he bother with the whole world saving thing?

I dare you to get every piece of equipment in the game before your first boss-won heart container.

Too late, I already beat Manhandla. However the challenge appeals to me.

You, sir, are ON!

But I swear I'm only remembering about 1/3 of what you've shown so far... Has it been so long? Can my memory truly be this bad?

Regardless, thanks for the refresher course!

I was afraid of the bosses as a kid, and wound up getting almost everything before I got a second piece of the triforce.

He is also immediately killed by a falling cherry apple thing. C'est la vie.

I was in the same boat. The reason I hate horror games might be the naked terror that the "cute" games of my youth inspired in me.

I hate being a jerk, but...

Man, there are at least 2 heart containers that do not require a raft to get (bombs and candle) that could have saved you the trip to level-3.

But your narration is the best.

And you can't even hide in the doorways.

WOOOOOO!

Just to chime in, you are doing a fantastic job both playing and with the narration.

I can't tell you the pain, horror, and dozens of magic shields I went through as a child trying to get through level 6 trying to get that wand. Come to think of it, I can't quite remember if I, in fact, ever did. I'm pretty sure I did, but that just might be the ensuing psychosis talking.

I've never beaten the first Zelda, and coming back to it still gives me the chills, mostly because of that room.

Yeah, I remembered those two after I got the Raft.

Heck, I had originally gotten the Raft so I could go to Level 4 and get the Ladder, so I could use it to get that other Heart Container...

And suddenly! Gutsman!

God, if I never play that game again, it will be too soon.

Cherries do not fall up!!

But I must have reached the 6th dungeon because I distinctly remember the sound that the wands makes that little *boing* sound... which for some reasons makes me smile whenever I hear it

It's more of a *Bla-loo-loo-loo* sound. Vastly inferior to the *Kwa-CHANG* of the Sword Beam. I love that sound so bad.

Also, the Wand makes the same sound as Wizzrobes do when they attack. Which gives me post-traumatic stress flashbacks whenever I hear it.

got quite the hard-on for the laser sword huh? :P Whatever the sound I always liked it, also I didn't start playing this game for real until I was all growed up... so no post traumatic stress disorder for me...

Hey, I developed that post Traumatic Stress Disorder a couple of days ago, trying to get the Wand with only 6 hearts.

I save Level 6 for the end for a reason.

And what the Sword Beam and I have is special and you shouldn't judge us.

Now to me the sword beam always sounded more like a "SHIII-wonk!"

Chapter Four:
In Which Fair Assumptions Are Made
Though he could soldier off to save The Princess from Ganons clutches, The Dude decides to make it a greater priority to expand his armory to even greater levels still. Next on his Shopping list is a Ladder. A regular ladder would do no good for a hero such as him, The Dude needs a Ladder found in the darkest pits. A Ladder that Reigns in Hell! To Level 4!



As previously noted, one of The Rafts functions is to reach Level 4, so here we are. Colored similarly to the Hated Pits of Level 6, Level 4 is far milder a threat.


This is the first Dungeon to feature Dark Rooms. A single blast from the Candle is enough to illuminate the room, so if he hadn’t picked one up by now, The Dude would most likely have made it a point to buy it from a Slightly Younger Man.

Most Dungeons have one or two types of monsters that are much more common then in other Dungeons, and here it is the Vire. Vires are similar to Bots, except stronger (requiring a blast from the Magic Sword to kill outright. Anything less will cause them to split into a pair of smaller Keese. Since he has already slaughtered many scores of Keese, mainly for casual recreation, The Dude doesn’t consider the Vire to be much of a threat.


Near the Dungeons item is a room somewhat similar to the Room from Hell mentioned previously. However, instead of Wizzrobes there are Bots. The Dude can’t even take this dungeon seriously after what he’s already seen.


After what amounted to a leisurely stroll through a den of evil, The Dude lays eyes on his Prize, The Ladder. The Ladder acts as a tiny, tiny bridge, thereby allowing The Dude to cross bodies of water that are about the same size as he is. There are very few uses for it in the Overworld, but it’s a critical item for traversing the Dungeons. Ladder-GET


The Dude also decides to fight the dungeons Mini-Boss, the Manhandla. A creature which is best described as being a huge, evil, sapient Plant. In order to prevail, all 4 of its heads need to be severed. Were he to use his Not-Wood sword, this would be an epic confrontation, as the beast moves faster with each instance of decapitation. However, a single well-placed bomb kills the monster pretty well instantly.

It must be noted that Level 4 isn’t very difficult.



Having obtained Level 4’s item, The Dude decides to go forth and take a shot at Level 5. As previously noted, it lies at the top of The Mountains. Specifically, it lies at the top of the mountain the fifth time you try to go up there. He feels intoxicated on his conquest of Level 4, and is feeling particularly indestructible. The Dude will learn to curse this hubris.


The first room past the entrance is full of Pols Voices. It is said that in foreign lands, these Cat… Blob… things can be beaten by whistling loudly. Sadly, these aren’t Foreign Lands, and thus must be dealt with the old fashioned way. The most efficient of the Old Fashioned ways is to shoot them with an Arrow, but Arrows are somewhat hard to shoot without a Bow, so The Dude is stuck with the other Old Fashioned Way- Stabbings, ineffective stabbing against highly mobile enemies.

Things get worse quite soon.


The dungeon is also stuffed to the gills with Gibdos. Though durable, these Mummies are of little threat, due to their low speed. A few blasts of magic or stabbin’s is all it takes to clear the room.

Oh Dear. The only monster in Hyrule to rival the Wizzrobes is the Blue Darknut, and here we have a room completely full of them. Coming to this dungeon may have been a bad idea.


Or maybe it wasn’t. After blasting open a wall, The Dude finds an Old Man who offers to sell him a larger set of pockets for carrying Bombs. 100 Rupee’s are a small price to pay for more fire-power. “Yes Mr. Old Man, your words ring true, Please let me blow more stuff up”, says The Dude.

Though he could try to get the Whistle, also found in Level 5, but The Dude decides to save that for later. Instead, he returns to Level 3.


Level 3 is far less threatening if one has a sword made of something that isn’t Wood. And when one also has a Magic Wand and a ton of Hearts, it’s easier still. It’s a straight-run to the dungeons Main Boss. Manhandla… again.

The Boss Manhandla isn’t any more powerful then the mini-boss Manhandla and dies just as quickly. Well, almost, the Bomb didn’t take off all the heads at once, so the monster manages to get a single shot it, taking off half a heart, and dropping a new Heart Container upon its death.



Here it is, one of the 8 Pieces of the Triforce of Wisdom, poorly guarded by a weak, albeit large flower. One really must question Ganon’s defensive strategy here. I mean really, that’s pretty weak.


At long last, that Large Magic Triangle in the middle of the Inventory Screen is 1/8th full. The world is one tiny step less plagued by evil, Shine on, you elfin diamond. The Dude sets forth, sets forth for the one area he had long abandoned.

He walks towards Lake Hylia, and a dead tree set in the middle of it.

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Will The Dude actually bother with Level 1? Or Will The Dude decide to just wander around filling up his armory to ludicrous levels? Is it even a question at this point?

What would you do if you ran into a room filed with blue Dark Nuts AND blue Wizzrobes?

Well, I probably wouldn't post about it, since I would likely have died of fright.

This game is single handedly responsible for my fear of the color blue.

Actually, I think those are Zelda's minions. >.>

Edit: Also, I got in trouble at school for drawing a map of level 3.

You can attack Darknuts with bombs if you're facing the way you'd need to be to damage them when you lay one down.

So I decided to join in on the fun too and see if I can master my fears. I am playing via Zelda Classic, the one (excellent) fangame on the planet that seems to be invulnerable to cease-and-desist orders.

I'm doing a more traditional run. I've done Levels 1 and 3, scored a couple extra heart containers, and grabbed my Master Sword. Now, however, I must admit a great shame. Something that, despite having found it (multiple times) in the past, plagues me every time: I can't find Level 2.

Laugh if you must (and you should), but please help me.

According to the plot, yes, but considering how many of those same monsters are in Death Mountain, I always assumed that Gannon just had them in place to prevent other people from getting the Triforce so nobody else could come waltzing into his house and break his stuff. Regardless of how little sense that makes since, traditionally, Ganon wants the Trifroce for himself. HURRAY FOR FANON!

How do you think I beat them? :P

Everyone always seems to miss Level 2. It's in the green forest, to the east of the map. Look for a screen shaped kinda like a sideways double-cross and then go up, left, up and there you are. I'll try to get a picture of it for my next update.

I won't laugh, because the only reason I know how to get there is because it was in the game's manual. This should help.

Chapter Five:
In Which Yet More Equipment is Found


The Dude sets forth, and crosses the bridge into the very heart of Lake Hylia. He has long abandoned any hope or desire of setting forth into this blight dungeon. Enough time has passed, and old wounds have healed.



Here it is, Level 1, the Eagle Dungeon. A surprisingly spacious building set inside of a tree in the middle of a lake. Had he traveled to this place when his quest began, The Dude would have experienced a reasonably challenging adventure, rife with skeletons and bats. However, with a Not Wood sword, 9 hearts and an inventory full of weapons… it is considerably less perilous.


The Dungeons is guarded by all the fallen heroes who had dared to plumb its depths in the past. These… Stalfos are powerful enough to withstand 2 whole strikes from a Wood Sword. Consequently, a single blast form his current weapon is enough to finish off the revenants where they stand. It is said that there are certain breeds of Stalfos that can also fire Beams from their sword. This is not that kind, and the dungeon is quickly filled with piles of bones.


The only other threatening creature in the Dungeon is the humble Goriya. A thuggish beast who is rather skilled with a boomerang. Again, armed as he is, they amount to nothing before The Dudes onslaught.


The Dungeons main item is the Bow. At last The Dude has the means to use those Arrows he bought earlier. The Arrows themselves are without heads, so The Dude decides to attach a Rupee to each shaft. It’s easily one of his worst ideas, but it’s not like the Bow as much use when he has a Magic Wand.


The other item in the Dungeon is the Boomerang. Largely identical to the kind that Goriyas use, this weapon temporarily stuns most enemies. There are some that it cannot effect, and some of the weaker strains are instantly killed. It’s fairly slow and doesn’t travel very far, though. Perhaps there’s a remedy for this in the future.

On to Level 2!


Psst, here’s the way to go to Level 2.




Level 2 is where The Dude usually starts his adventure, as it’s quite probably the least threatening area in all of Hyrule. He’s not here for conquest; he just wants the Dungeon Item.

The Dungeon is home to Ropes, highly affectionate snakes that dart forward when they see The Dude. They pose little threat, but their high-speed can make them bothersome.


And here is the Dungeon Item; The Magic Boomerang. It is very similar to the regular Boomerang, except it moves faster and travels as far as the eye can see. That’s all he wants from this Dungeon, so now The Dude returns to Level 5.




The Dude also decides to buy some Meat. Ideally this could be used to luring certain monsters away from him, but The Dude isn’t trucking with that. Also, The Narrator was asleep at the wheel and neglected to take a picture of The Dude picking up the Whistle from Level 5. C’est la vis.

The Whistle can instantly take The Dude to the entrance of any Dungeon he has cleared. It’s a fairly handy traveling tool.




The Whistle has another, undocumented feature. It can dry up an entire lake, allowing The Dude to wander into Level 7, and probably dealing irreparable damage to the local ecology. The Dude doesn’t especially care too much on that last point.


As soon as he enters Level 7, The Dude is ambushed by a Moldorm Worm, a large, through slow, weak, and mostly harmless annelid. It should be noted that with each Segment killed, the Worm can continue to live as 2 smaller creatures.


There’s also an old man who gives an extremely helpful bit of advice for clearing the dungeon. The Dude isn’t here for any Magic Triangles, though, so he just commits these words to memory and soldiers forth.


There’s also another Old Man who offers an even larger pocket still! The Dude has money to burn and a hankering for more explosives, so he takes the Old Man up on his offer.

On his way to the Dungeon Item, The Dude comes across a Digdogger, A curiously large urchin that sails through the air and is immune to conventional weaponry. Luckily, The Dude has unconventional weaponry at his disposal. A single mighty blast on his whistle…


…causes the Digdogger to split into 3, smaller creatures. Very powerful, and fantastically fast. The monster is killed, but not without the cost of many hearts.


A lone Goriya stands between The Dude and the Dungeon Item. Normally, The Dude would kill it dead without a second though, however, this one is flanked by 2 flames, so it is therefore invincible. Though the monster cannot be understood, with its incoherent mutterings and guttural tongue, The Dude assumes it is hungry, throws it some unidentified meat at it and wanders on.


Level 7s Item is the Magic(er) Candle. Functionally identical to the Magic Candle, but this model can be used indefinitely, whereas the original can only be used once in each region. Next up is Level 8.




Level 8 is uncovered by burning down a bush, near where Level 2 was. There is no indication that this is where the dungeon lies, but luckily The Dude is of the opinion that burning trees is the mark of heroism. In this case, he is right.


Just inside the Dungeon is another Manhandla, unlike the others of its species, however, this one is abnormally fast and fires far more beams at The Dude. It takes many attempts to blow its many heads off. Luckily, with an almost full complement of Bombs, this is of little problem.

And here is Level 8s Item, found almost immediately inside the entrance. The Book is an upgrade for the Magic Wand, which causes it to cause its beams to explode into flame when it comes into contact with either monster or the edge of the visible horizon. It’s rather nice, but hardly very important. There’s also a powerful A-Key in the dungeon, capable of opening an infinite number of doors. However, The Dude recalls what someone told him one about that being boring, so he decides to leave it behind.

The Dudes inventory is now completely full and thus can put off the task no longer. He returns to the earlier dungeons, with the intent of purifying their dark essences.

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The Dude is truly going to retrieve the long lost Triforce Pieces. There is really nothing else he can do at this point.