I Smite for the Trees! Let's play... FAXANADU!

The inhabitants of the house don't seem to be overly perturbed by the fact that their house is on fire, and a pair of axe-wielding armored Cubes of Jello are standing guard over it. They DO reveal that the Meteor is, in fact, their Evil Space God. Because that is just the BEST PLOT POINT.

They also reveal that I'm approaching the Tower of Suffer; presumably so as I can kill a whole damn bunch of them at once and smash up their Evil Space God.



Moving on is a set of three houses, currently set ablaze. Two of them contain monsters (a Gelantinous Cube and... whatever the hell-bird-thing. Because he's inside a house, The Lummox does not wish to swing his weapons. Despite the bird pecking his eyeballs out. Lummox is pretty courteous about not wrecking peoples houses, I guess.



The middle door, however, has a priest who decides that The Lummox is pretty old-hat at fighting Dwarves, and is thus a veteren of Dwarf-killing.



Directly above the church is a locked door to a SPOOOOOOKY TOWER! Would you believe me if I said that this was the Tower of Suffer? Well, you should... because IT IS!

The Tower of Suffer is locked by a Queen-Door, but, luckily, I bought one back in Mascon. Let's get A SUFFERIN'!



And here's the Tower itself! A bit more colorful then you might expect from a place called the Tower of Suffer, really. Well, there's that relief on the wall that looks like a double-bird-flipping, but, while RUDE, its not exactly something that inspires suffering.

Anyhoo; the path branches, but all roads lead to the exit, so lets head off to the east.



Just above that ladder is a new kind of Dwarf! Its a Goblin! A Goblin is a Dwarf now, I guess? It behaves EXACTLY like the Bluenitaurs, except with a different head. Frankly, every single time I entered this screen, the stupid critter jumped over my head and fell down the ladder. I have never once actually fought it, so I have no idea how much experience it gives, or what it drops. Stupid goblins.



In the next room is this OTHER new fella; a four-legged tripod. I believe that this means they are actually tables. Also, you can't really tell in a static screenshot, but they also have big, blinking googly-eyes.

Basically, the Quadropedes are the best monsters in the game.



Their legs are also invincible, and they're really slow, so a strict regimen of hopping and stabbing kills them PRETTY HANDILY! They're worth a pretty decent amount of money and experience too!



Moving on towards the only presently-available path, leading to the upper-right side of the Tower of Suffer; and this one OTHER new enemy: a kinda skull-headed snake thing. Quetskullcoatl hangs around on top of the ladders until you smack him with a fireball, then he hits the ground and slowly moves back and forth until such point as you smash his head in.

So it goes.

Nothing notable about this room, I just like the backgrounds.

OUO



Just before the boss of the Tower of Suffer is another Gargoyle lacking in any kind of geographic weaknesses and I have a nearly-full health bar. Imma take advantage of that and just running like hell through it, and slugging back a Red Potion to refill my health becauuuuuuuuse...



The next room is the boss, and its YET ANOTHER Gargoyle; this one being of the sort I ACTUALLY NEED to fight and kill. Mechanically, its no different from every other Gargoyle; just, again, without any sort of means to bypass or trivialize the fight; the Lummox leaps forward over the fireballs and smacks the Gargoyle in the face and hopes that it recoils enough to give enough room for another chance to hop over the next fireball it tosses, then it takes to the sky and lands on your head.



Going in with nearly-full health was pretty crucial to my strategy, as it takes fewer hits to kill then I do.

Anyhow; Gargoyle dead, and a little necklace popped up! Lets TAKE IT!



The Pendant is presumably made out of that little chunk of Evil Space God and, besides being a Plot Necessary Trinket also Boosts the Lummoxs attack power! FanTASTIC!

Well... it WOULD be except that Faxanadu isn't the best-programmed game on the NES; it actually seems to REDUCE your killing power. OH WELL!

Anyhow, nothing left in the Tower of Suffer so, to save time, I die and don't let my Negative Thoughts forget a Mantra and pop up back at the Priest.



Off to the West of the Tower of Suffer is a ladder which is unaccessible without the MAGIC POWER OF WINGED BOOTS!

Atop yonder ladder is a BRAND NEW DWARF! Not that you can really see it through all the smoke from the fact that Mascon is still on fire.

Anyway, it's THERE, and it teleports around and when it appears, it chucks out a fireball. But due to another programming error, it never seems to leave the top of the screen. So... I guess its just there for the ambience.



And just past the Entirely Pointless Monster is a new Town! I hope that this town isn't full of problems and/or jackasses, like the last few.



Oh. Oh well.

That's... just special. It's very honest though. They named their town what they're best at. And as they're NPCs in a Nintendo RPGish game, that's what their fate is. At least they've accepted it.

I never made it far enough in this to discover the evil space god meteor. Now I am curiously fascinated--after it's taken this bizarre left turn, where else could the plot go?

Oh don't worry ol' Faxanadu has got a few more twists and turns up its sleeve.

Howdy everyone! Last time, as you no-doubt recall, our hero, The Lummox discovered that the source of all our troubles were caused by a giant, poisonous meteor smashing into the tree and setting it on fire, and the Dwarves figuring "Hey! Poisonous explosive things are RAD" and deciding it was an Evil Space God. Then The Lummox found the tower in which a chunk of the EVIL SPACE GOD was held, and he took it, which gave him a power-up which failed to power him up, and then found the aptly named town of Victim. Already in progress.



As it would so happen, no one in Victim is overly victimized, compared to every other town. Well, its still on fire, like Mascon, but otherwise, things are hunky dory. The folk are even more helpful then average.

Well, not VERY helpful. I'm rather sure that everyone would realize that magic is consumable by this point of the game. Though the fact that there's a Magic Hall nearby is not too shabby a revelation.



Well, maybe this one guy is victimized. No idea.



In this town, Bill sells Full Plate arrmor, which is an upgrade over the Chainmail in that this armor includes Pants. Not too shabby!



The towns resident pastor also decides that The Lummox is a bit more of a Warrior then a Veteren, so decides to let him respawn with 3500 Golds instead of a piddly 2800 that the Lummox wouldn't wipe his butt with.



Finally, the Filthy Smoker sells King-Keys at a reasonably affordable 1500 Golds a pop. Might as well take one for the Journey Ahead.



Outside of Victim are new Dwarves: The Dreadful Hover-Squids. They move in perfectly horizontal lines and sometimes speed up. They also recoil a lot and have a MILLION BILLION hit points, so fighting them takes a while. They're also not worth much experience and only drop bread. So TO HELL with them!



Two other new Dwarves in this region of the Tree are also kinda-sorta visible! The fuzzy, brownish blur on the left side of the ladder is a Swarm 'a Bees. Which, unlike most flying enemies, actually move towards you. And, LIKE most flying enemies, totally ignore the geography. Swarm 'a Bees suck.

The other, larger brownish blurr is an Land Tentacle, which shambles and shakes along the ground after you. They're kind of like the Hover-Squids, except on the ground, and much weaker. I like them a lot more.



After a few more screens of swatting bees and killing squids both intact, and disembodied (as well as a few Frogmen and a Astropeasant or two) we find a fork in the road. TRUE LUMMOXS never go up, when the ground is available, so he heads off to the East. Or "right".



As it would happen, the Right is another flaming house. Awesome!

As it would happen, the owner of this flaming house is some old wizard who teaches people how to toss magical fireballs if they can pony-up the dough! Despite his vaguely sensible warnings that Fireball can be a magic of "Justice" or destruction, given the fact that this entire region of the World Tree is perpetually on fire, I really think the difference is academic.

Also; not really sure if magical fireballs really count as being a form of "Justice", while we're on the subject. Typically, immolation falls under "crazy mob-rule", I find.



Anyhoo, Fireball, like Deluge, tosses a projectile across the screen. Unlike Deluge, Fireball doesn't look at all like a ball of fire. It hits about twice as hard as Deluge and is supposed to consume twice as much MP (seems to be unchanged) and also has so much recoil that anything hit by it finds themselves on the opposite side of the screen. NOT TOO SHABBY!



Anyway, remember that ladder I mentioned? up atop it, The Lummox finds a door locked by the sign of King! Luckily, he picked up a King Key back in Victim.



Also; the tower it locks is entirely pointless. It's a hallway of three nearly identical rooms with the same two Dwarves in it. The Murderous Mr. Manotaur on the top just paces back and forth, unless he happens to be on the same level as you, in which case he charges forward like some kind of idiot, usually faster then you can swing your sword into him. Luckily, in The Tower of Pointlessness, you need to intentionally put yourself into harms way for this to be an issue. Lady Snake-pants is comparably dangerous, yet totally pacified; she slinks back and forth and, assuming there's nothing blocking her way, will toss out a spiky fireball that deals pretty high damage. However, every single room in the Tower of Pointlessness puts a little brickwall in front of her that blockers her shots, but not your sword. Lady Snakepants is also worth scarcely any experience, but is worth a pretty nice chunk of change, so I am okay with her.

Anyway, as noted, The Tower of Pointlessness is optional, and... well... pointless. I saved up enough cash from killing Lady Snakepants's to afford another King Key, at least.

...or else I died and respawned with enough money to buy a King Key. Or maybe I saved outside the Tower and reloaded once I got the screen shots. Don't recall which, honestly. The point is, my adventure in the Tower of Pointlessness was undone, and I continued on my way, exploring the blazing countryside beside Victim.



Just ahead is two more flaming houses, and a new HORRIBLE Dwarf: The Pitiless Piper of Harmin'! Actually, I'm not really sure if he's tootin' on a flute, or smacking together some noise-sticks, but either way, every few seconds, the screen flashes and you take some unavoidable damage. And lots of it. The Pitiless Piper doesn't have much health, fortunately, so, if you're speedy, you can kill them before they kill you too badly.

I freakin' hate those guys though. Seriously.



One of the flaming houses is locked by an Ace-Key, and the other has a helpful old man:



It seems that the upcoming Tower of Mist has the other half of the Evil Space God, to complement the half that was made into the Pendant that is presently powering... err... down... the Lummoxs Sword-arm. And this guy will reward us with a KEEN NEW Ace Key if he were to liberate the Dwarves Evil Space God.

Sounds good to me!

On the way to the Tower of Mist is YET ANOTHER New Dwarf: Spring-Knees. He stands still, does a little Russian Dance, and then bursts into the air where he drifts along daintily. Kind of like Luigi in Mario 2. Except bald, blue and layered with what may be muscle.



Just past him, and a few other SPring-Knees is the Tower of Mist itself. Which is another poorly named dungeon since it contains no mist whatsoever. It DOES have flail-swinging, hopping Knights (we'll call 'em Hopping Knights, because I am not feeling very creative at this moment) and little tiny, INSANELY fast Gnomes. Who are close enough to being Dwarves to let me let that classification slide.



Mid-ish way through the Tower, the path splits North and East. The north path is a dead-end that just has a Red Potion,a nd enough monsters to make sure I would use up a few Red Potions reaching it, so we'll skip that in favor of heading East; past YET ANOTHER Gargoyle. In a fit of uncharacteristic kindness, this Gargoyle is stationed in a room with Benevolent Architecture. Lummox stands proudly atop that little column and whacks the critters snout every time its stupid enough to come near.



A couple more same-y rooms of the same few enemies brings us to the Tower of Mists boss; this... guy.



The Spritely Torso bounces preposterously high on what I can only assume are spectacularly well-defined abdominal muscles. Once you're on even ground he's pretty easy to defeat, since his every jump causes him to sail far higher then you can jump, and he stays in the air for so long, its easy to NOT be where he lands, and still give you plenty of time to land a few choice stabs into the orifice of choice. The most dangerous part of the fight is actually REACHING the stupid guy, since he likes to crowd the ladder and hops faster then you can climb, and is too big to dodge while climbing.



With the Spritely Torso defeated, the Black Onyx appears on the pedestal, thereby completing our obligation to that one guy who told us to grab it. Despite being a larger chunk of the Evil Space God then was used in the Pendant, having the Onyx doesn't upgrade The Lummox at all. Which is good, since I certainly don't trust Faxanadus concept of character upgrades by this point.



Anyway, a death-respawn-and-quick-hike later puts us back at That One Guys shack.



The guy happily forks over an Ace Key, after delivering some hate-speech about Dwarves, and encourages us to visit Conflate in our quest to save the world from the Evil Crazed Dwarves, and their Incorrect God.



Apparently he does this all the time...

Everything about the smoky tree portion of this game is just so damn ugly. It's a little better in motion with the creepy music and movement of the smoke, and I understand what they were going for with the aesthetic, but damn. The first part of the game isn't exactly pretty (and since the tree is decaying, I'm not sure it's supposed to be), but it has some really interesting scenery and seems to fit together. The smoky area and all the temples in it are just really garish.

In game, I actually kind of like the smoky aesthetic (though it's a pain to play through). My favorite area is probably the one after it, though.

I'm glad you didn't get lost.

There's that one tower with the Scribes, enemies who hurt you, no matter WHERE you are in relation to them...


Also, I seem to recall a town in the mists, where if you attain enough rank, you get free armor...

Today, I realized that I bought Faxanadu on the Virtual Console, and holy crap, the ESRB tags it has on it includes TOBACCO USE!

And lo was the Rating of M totally justified.

The next update is going to be a bit longer in coming since Photobucket just updated to something incomprehensible, much like every other time Photobucket has ever updated, and the shots don't seem to be in any sort of actual order.

Yeah... I downgraded mine for the time being. I couldn't figure out how to set image size using the new interface.

I switched back to the old layout. The new one requires too much clicking.

Such a thing is possible?

it's nested in a really weird place. Took me a while to find and now I can't remember where it was.

Sure, there's an option on the top right that says "switch back to old Photobucket" or somesuch.

By the way, those speedy things you called Gnomes? They're California Raisins.

And now I can not un-see it.

Personally opinion... I felt Legacy of the Wizard had more quirky charm and was more fun to play (though it is harder to navigate then Faxanadu).

Welcome back again, forever, kids! Last time, you no doubt recall, our Friend and Hero, The Lummox found the mist-less Tower of Mist and killed off a disembodied torso, acquiring a second chunk of that radioactive meteor that the wrong-headed and evil Dwarves have opted to start worshipping. Then a racist guy gave us a key and told us to keep up the good work of religious persecution against dwarves.

The Lummox is a hero!



The next area of The World Tree is, thankfully, smoke-free, and manages to incorporate the standard aesthetics of a cave with a sunny blue sky. Or dingy blue sky at least. Something. Still, this area indicates "You are inside a Tree" better then any other region of the game. The Bird Things were seen before, but this is the first time Lummox can actually inflict violence upon them. They're yet another "Blue monster that runs forward, and sometimes just stands still" enemy, like the Blunitaur, Frogman or Goblin, and are thus not worth consideration.

The Faceclops is entirely immobile and has no attacks. I guess you MIGHT accidentally bump into one if you didn't know it was there, since it sometimes sinks back into the ground, but they pop up long before you get anywhere near one, so there's no real reason for them to be there at all. They drop a pretty acceptable amount of cash and experience for how worthless they are as enemies, at least.




Most of the rest of this part of the World Branch isn't particularly noteworthy. A few enemies we've already seen, more who drop Bread then Cash. A bottle of Poison laying around that you pretty much can't get past without drinking and which respawns every time you enter the room. Ho-hum.



Left exit on the branching path (and the path above in the next room, for that matter) are both doors locked by King-brand Doors. In fact, just about every door in the World Branch is locked by a King Door. This would merely be really, REALLY annoying if that meant I had to head off to this regions town every time I wanted to... you know... advance the plot at all.



But no, the next town has no Key Shops at all, meaning I have to go all the way back to Victim to stock up. And then leave an empty spot in my inventory so I can get a replacement Ace Key to get back into the Branch. And if I die, I have to do it again, because the doors always relock themselves.

At least the game is kind enough to make damn near every monster drop bread, is what I'm saying. And even that kindness is kind of negated because you need to pony up 1500 Golds for every King Key, and you need a LOT of them.

But I digress, this is the town of Conflate, where that SUPER racist Elf told us to go.



The people of Conflate are SO pious that they have an armed soldier pacing back and forth in front of the Priest, just in case some filthly commoners dare to sully his front door with their crummy selves.



Another townsperson says that they intentionally put all those damn locked doors around Conflate to keep out the monsters. Which would be fine except that Conflate itself is one of the few areas in this section of the tree that is NOT locked by a King Door. So their efforts at civil defense are not only entirely useless, but are hindering the only guy who seems arsed enough to fight the monsters they have done such a hideously poor job of defending themselves from.

Honestly, I don't care what problems Conflate has, I don't want to save these guys.



For what its worth though, the local Sad Bearded Man is selling a Giant Sword (actually a trident) and a Magic Shield (the best shield, and more expensive then the one offered outside the starting town), which would be SUPER DUPER, except that I can afford neither right now. OH SHUCKS.



All the talk in the bar is about how the Town used to be a pretty swinging place, and an economic powerhouse, you know, back before the Dwarves found (Evil Space) Religion and opened diplomatic relations with people instead of trying to murder and trample them.

And now? Now Conflates economy is broken since they used all their money and resources pointlessly locking doors and hiring armed guards for the church.

Anyway, as noted repeatedly, we needs some money to buy some King Keys in order to actually make any progress, and also to replace the crummy Long Sword and Large Shield. And THAT means farming monsters for money and experience.

And that means this screen.

This screen has a single Astropeasant that starts some ways above you so its Deluge won't hit you right away, and the screen immediately to the right has two Tentacles to get some bread, and which can not hurt you due to the staggered terrain. That means that it's virtually impossible to die, but you can amass money and experience all day. Which is exactly-



What-



I-



Had-



To-



Do.

You wondering why I took over a month to update this LP? I was killing those god damned Peasants the whole damn time!



Anyhoo, with an inventory full of King Keys, the Giant Sword (with extra points, so it's like stabbing a dude THREE TIMES) and a Magic Shield (which doesn't seem to change the sprite AT ALL!) we can enter that locked door just past the Astropeasant I was killing so many hundreds of times.

The interior of this branch is a sickly mossy green! How INTERESTING!



Nothing particularly interesting inside, a few wimpy monsters and some pointless architecture. The place looks nice though, so I'm okay with it.



At the end of the branch is another Spry Torso. Unlike the last one, however, this critter lacks a ladder to let it get a whole bunch of cheap hits on me, all it can do it jump and hover briefy, wheras Lummox now has a sword that is THREE swords.



It's a one-sided fight is my point.



My little bit of torso-cide causes a Battle Helmet to appear. Which is listed with the Shields for some reason. Moreover, it is the strongest Shield in the game. Understandably, it is very difficult to use a hat as a shield, and the Lummox just CAN'T figure out how to do that, so it just gets lumped into the inventory until such a point as the plot mandates he should wear it on his FISTS.



Killing the Spry Torso gave Lummox enough experience to level up to the lofty heights of a Myrmidon. Which is better then Soldier and WAY better then "Hero". That means your payment upon death is a tidy little sum of 7200 Golds.

The path directly above Conflate is another locked door leading to another gross mossy branch.

This section is pretty much just there to fill up space between the part of the Branch with Conflate and the Battle Helm and the part with the next actual bit of PLOT.



It is kind of neat though since there's a little gap in the middle of the bridge and if you miss it, you have to climb back INSIDE after wandering around outside of Yggdrasil. Pretty neat my friends! Other then the geography, there's no difference in the path whether you are on the upper or lower side of the branch, but still.



The third section of the Branch Dungeon is larger then the rest, and is full of VERY INCONVENIENTLY PLACED enemies.



The path also splits both Up and Down. Let's go Down.



And following the path Down leads smack dab into another Spry Torso!



Which is precisely as dangerous as the first one. Which is a bit of a boon, I guess, since unlike the last one I couldn't wander into this fight at full health. This Torso bequeaths a Battle Mail upon its death. Unlike the Battle Helmet, the Battle Mail is listed with the armor, as it should be since it's armor. LIKE the Battle Armor, the Lummox won't worry his head with it for now. He stopped being a Battler 19000 experience points ago, he can't bother himself with gear for Battling. Now if it was a Myrmidon Mail, then we'd talk.



Just above the room immediately before the Spry Torso is a small ladder leading to a Magical Rod, the Magical Rod apparently upgrades the strength of your Magic, It doesn't actually seem to though, but... it didn't make things any worse. I'll count that as a win.



The Upper Path is pretty unremarkable too, except that it has Skelemen! They behave like the Lummox in that they walk slowly, sometimes jump awkwardly and also gently extend their swords! The key difference between them and Lummox? They're ALL BONES!

There's also a flightless Bird that drops flying shoes upon its death. Thats weird.



Just past the weird bird is the Town of Daybreak. In which it is apaprently night.



The Key Shop in Daybreak sells King Keys slightly cheaper then those offered in Victim. Though you need to consume a fair number of the stupid things just to REACH Daybreak, so it's not that useful.



And Sad Beard sells another, slightly more expensive Giant Sword, and the Tilte Spell. Which I neglected to buy since Fireball is still working pretty okay.



Talk around town is about how the Guru in Conflate has the Ring of Dwarves, and that Dartmoor Castle is going to Suuuuuuuuck as far as dungeons go.



And this housewife thinks the Lummox is totally sexy and awkwardly flirts with him while her husband watches, like, three feet away.



He tries to redeem himself in his wifes eyes by saying some hero-stuff too. "Hey man, did you find the Magic Rod? I totally found a magic rod. I didn't use it though, because I'm way too cool a badass to use it."



Just outside Daybreak is a short path full of more SKELEMANS and bugs and tentacles and a Locked Door. Unlike the rest of the games Locked Doors which merely require a key marked by way of a playing card denomination, this one is locked by a Ring. And HEY, that one nurse was talking about how the priest in Conflate had a Ring of Dwarves. I WONDER if there could be a connection!

In addition to the Ring of Dworf, the priest gives some handy exposition; that the Battle Mail and Battle Helmet will remain INCOMPREHENSIBLE until such a time as the Lummox finds and equips the Dragon Slayer sword. And that hokey old magic and religion don't mean much compared to a trusty sword at your side.



Anyway, the Ring of Dworf opens the gate to Dartmoor. Which is as good a place to wrap things up as we're going to get. Penultimate dungeon and all.

Phillipe knows the horror of skeletons.

How long did the grinding actually take? Hours?

I had the Emulator sped up about 3 or 4 hundred times faster. Still took about an hour.

This is a good image. I like this image.

An hour is not a month Octo