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Animal Bastards

Exposition Owl

Exposition Owl

more posts about buildings and food
(he/him/his)
Hey, friends! Are you tired of animals just skating by in life--seagulls stealing your hard-earned French fries, or hyenas laughing at you behind your back? Do you wish you could tell them what you really think of them? On the other hand, do you think some animals get a harder time than they deserve? Do you wish you could make the world understand that weasels are actually adorable, or that dung beetles are just doing the best they can in a dirty job?

Well, now's your chance! Just point your browser to animalbastards.com! For the low, low price of $zero money, you can finally make your feelings known! You'll be shown an animal, and it will be your job to decide whether or not it's a bastard. Whichever your choice may be, animalbastards.com will give you a fact about the animal in question, just to make sure you're making an informed judgment. Once you've made your selections for a given round, animalbastards.com will tell you which animals its users have determined are the most and least bastardly!

So, don't wait another moment! Head to animalbastards.com, and set the record straight once and for all! Animalbastards.com, where you're judge, jury, and ... bastard ... cutioner ... ? OK, so the slogan still needs some work.
 
Violentvixen

Violentvixen

(She/Her)
I am an Animal Agnostic! This was fun.

You are An Animal Agnostic​

You think some animals are total bastards, but others are just doing the best they can with the biologically-determined physical and behavioural traits they have evolved. At least now you'll have some counter-arguments ready next time someone tells you certain human behaviour is inevitable because some animal out there does it too.
Click to expand...
 
Johnny Unusual

Johnny Unusual

(He/Him)
Animal Advocate. The only animal I felt compelled to just is the bird that makes the sound of its crying victim as it does that. This is something a villain in a David Lynch movie does in, like, the most harrowing scene.
 
Zef

Zef

Find Your Reason
(He/Him)
Today I learned that robins will try to peck at each other's necks during a fight in order to sever the rival's spinal cord.

I don't know about criminals but this frightens me a lot more than anything bats could ever do.
 
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