They say hell is for children. Let's find out if that's true or not with Persona 1!

I'm not sure if Yamaoka coming back as a Super Persona would make Nanjou hate the world more or less, but I support it either way.

MARA RING can get his whatever, too.

Of course, I vote for Nanjou's ultimate. As for the other, that's a tough call. All of the ultimate personas seem rather... dull compared to what you've been cooking up with lithographs. Yukino's unique to the Snow Queen Quest, so I say now is as good a time as any to see Durga. But Ayase seems like she needs a better Persona, so if gameplay requires it, go with Freya. Amen Ra sounds cool, but vs. Boss damage won't be that useful this late in the game.

What counts as SCIENCE! damage anyway?

It seems like everyone's taken a shine to that nice old butler
Man, can you imagine how weird Persona 3 would be if everyone's dead friends and family members and whatever came back as Personas?

It was pretty noticeable in this game, if only because the Snow Queen Quest bosses keep doubling their HP. Hypnos was around 1000, Nemesis was around 2000, Thanatos was around 4000, Lady Masquerade was pushing 8000...

I know, right? It makes me positively giddy that the ultimate expression of Yukino is Durga. Unfortunately, the game kinda ruins it because both Ishtar and Kali are higher level Empress Personas.

Well, the best we can hope for the others is to pass on Mahazandyne through spell inheritance, which isn't a bad spell. Besides, it isn't like we can't buy more lithographs to use as items!

I think, unless Freyr wins out, that Ayase's going to get a Fool Persona in a last ditch attempt to make her useful. She really needs something that's strong enough to keep her alive, and I'm pretty sure she has poor compatibility with Judgment...

SCIENCE! is Photon (Lightning/Zio), Weak Boson (Force/Zan), Gluon (Nuclear/Megdio & Frei), and Graviton (Gravity/Gry). The game refers to it as "Physical" which can be a little confusing.

Explain this one to me.

MOA, not to be confused with MOE.

Also this is gonna be open for like a week because I won't have time to put together an update until next weekend.

It's hard to vote against a Persona with a skill called Rainbow Purgatory Smash, but I'll have to vote for Mara Ring and Nanjou

So far:
Nanjou: 6
Mara Ring: 3
Yukino: 2
Ayase: 1
Ellie: 0

I suppose it would be all meaningful and shit to have Amen Ra, a Sun God, squaring off against the Queen of the Night, huh?

Do we really need to discuss this?

Special Update: That one time that one St. Ermine student let go of 99 Balloons and started the apocalypse.


Our story opens in one Atlus's Print Club machines. A gaggle of St. Ermine students crowd in to have their picture taken. But... maybe something sinister is afoot?


Jack Frost's Illusion


The students leave, but one seems oddly hypnotized by the Jack Frost-themed Print Club machine. This girl here is one of our heroes this week, she notices that her friend is still staring at the machine.


MEANWHILE: A man is sleeping in his office. The girl from the arcade wakes him up, telling him that her friend has gone missing.


"Mr. Kuzunoha, you have to help her! You know all about strange stuff like this!"


Our Detective's partner arrives, sporting really unfortunate bangs. She brought along pork buns, because she loves them. The school girl drags the detective out the door to go look for her friend.

The Detective's partner munches on a pork bun. She isn't very useful.

Our detective, Mr. Kyouji Kuzunoha, is getting his hands dirty with some hardcore detective work.

The girl, frustrated that Kuzunoha won't help out, decides to investigate the print club booth herself.

She notices that there's writing on part of the paneling... in her friend's handwriting, even! She pulls our her... paint pen and writes "Kyouji's an idiot." There's a flash of light, something far more sinister than a mere photobooth flash.

When she opens her eyes, she finds herself in a field filled with blue doors to the Velvet Room PINK DOORS to other realities.


How peculiar!


Let's find out what's behind Door #1!


...oh, it's a topless lady! I'm so used to watching this show that it didn't even phase me!

She slams the door and we cut back to the arcade. Kyouji has realized that his client is missing, and attempts to look for her. He hears some girls coming out of the Print Club booth giggling that Kyouji's an idiot. He investigates, and sees that she's written something on the panel.

He writes something too, there's a flash of light, and he finds himself in the doory field.


...confronted with his partner dressed up as a stereotypical housewife. She tells him that her husband owns a noodle joint.


Terrifying. She hushes the baby she's carrying, that's named Kyouko (GAGGAGAAAARGGHHHCANNOTUNHEAR)

Kyouji eventually realizes that the "baby" is just a doll, and that this isn't real. Like, duh. The Happy Housewife teases him some, then disappears.


MEANWHILE... our St. Ermine student is lost in the worst green screen effect ever.

Not even joking about that.


When she comes out the door, she steps on Kyouji's head.

COMMERCIAL BREAK - Please take this time to view your favorite internet ad.


Our other St. Ermine student suddenly appears! She wants them to meet her special friend!

...who could it be? I am on the edge of my seat!


She lets go of her balloon and thinks of you (and possibly causes a world war). You, being her special friend. She says the magic words: Hee-ho.

And there's a response!


...there are no words to communicate how cheap this effect is.


The fact that this series is contemporary with Buffy: The Vampire Slayer only makes it worse.


MEANWHILE: In the real world, Rei Reihou in... ACTING! Oh and at some point she grabbed Kyouji's GUMP and came to look for him.

...actually, that pretty much sums up everything Rei does in the series. Well, that and she, at one point, impaled a demon possessed doctor with fluorescent lightbulbs. And kills Kyouji at the end of Season 1

It's nighttime in the land of mysterious illusions.

And, unfortunately, Kyouji earns the wrath of Jack Frost:

... a mere flick from his finger is enough to send Mr. Frost flying backwards.

Anyway, Rei eventually shows up and hands the GUMP over to Kyouji.


Jack Frost is excited when he sees it because that means Kyouji's a Devil Summoner and they can escape the illusion.

...because, um, the exit is blocked by fire. Or something. They open a door and there's a fire, and Kyouji uses the GUMP (meaning it's "open" and he holds it toward the door and looks like he's constipated and the fire goes away).

Kyouji is woken by the girl in his office, just like at the beginning of the episode. He notices her Print Club picture holder and Rei walks in, carrying a bag of pork buns. He begins to wonder if it was All a Dream.

...but then he hears a voice.

No, it was definitely real.

As you can see, the fate of students from St. Ermine and demons are inexplicably linked. A rotten but inseparable bond, to be sure.

Next Time on Special Update: たまきーちゃんの奇妙な冒険!

Well, we have two Ambrosia, so we can get someone else in addition to Yamaoka.

It's sort of like what would happen if the Super Mario Super Show was produced as a Sci-Fi Channel Original Series.

It's actually significantly worse! Even the gore is pretty bad. Like, in the first episode a man's head explodes and it looks like soapy red water instead of brains.

This is too amazing.

Well you see, in the first episode:
A hooker gets possessed by a demon mid-coitus (naturally, this happens after the creepy old man has done some very pornish things to her boobies) and gets the ability to shoot lasers from her mouth.


And his head explodes into soapy water.

Other examples of the phenomenal special effects budget:


Demon Doc's death. He's actually really creepy because he starts doing the manikin twitch and when he does it makes the sound of bones crunching and it's actually really gross!

Then he extends his (claymation) arm to impale someone and the entire effect is lost:


And remember kids,


Fur is MURDER

It's obvious and I can't help myself:
IMMA CHARGIN MAH LAZER

Premium car washing service! The extra dollar is worth it.

That's almost like that part in Pineapple Express.

So, uh, silly question, but do y'all expect me to actually get to a level to be able to use the ultimate Personas?

...that's going to take some significant doing, because Nanjou's only at level 40 right now.

I'm sorry, but you can't promise phantasmal surfer butlers and not deliver.

You old fuddy duddy.

Also requesting the appearance of Space Butler. But you know, you could just post an image of him and save yourself the trouble.

Sigh, I'll do it, I'll do it. It's just such a pain in the ass to level up Mara Ring and Nanjou high enough to actually equip them.

On an unrelated note, here's a moment of zen:

I'm actually impressed that it's not "Oh! My god."

Oh my god!

Yeah, the "ultimate" Personas in this game are stupidly high level. I think I could've equipped one or two of them (Maki and MARARING, who were way ahead of everyone else) by the time I was at the very end of the game...but then I would've had to backtrack through the entirety of Avidea World. Fuck. That.

Part IX: Yes Virginia, hell really is for children


In another display of their whimsical mercy, Atlus doesn't let you go into this blind, either. I could totally picture them just listing the Material Items and asking which you wanted. But no! Instead, you have to speak to your party members, which will prompt Heeho-kun to ask if you really want that character's item. For Mara Ring, you just have to talk to Heeho-kun.

Note that it is possible to get all 5 items, it just requires the player to perform actions that is beyond the abilities of mere mortals: To get 5 Ambrosia, you have to do Thanatos Tower first. You can get 3 by either doing Nemesis first, and four if you do Nemesis -> Thanatos -> Hypnos.

I mentioned earlier that these Personas are beyond a level you'll ever actually reach, so busting your ass to get all 5 of them isn't worth it.

When Mara Ring says he wants Nanjou's item, Heeho-kun hands over the glasses. Nanjou automatically recognizes them as Yamaoka's.

Aww, you guys.


So after picking up the Rosetta Stone and the Spotted Glasses, there's nothing left to do but drop down through the floor back to the 2F and make our way back up the fourth floor and head to the east instead of to the pit room.

It leads to a classroom with Heeho-kun and Heehoko-chan. There's a spear for Brown in the closet (こうまじょう, inflicts Unlucky status, 3x as powerful as the Gae Bolg but only hits 1~3 times).

Heeho-kun says that they need to make 100 friends, and they already have 95. He asks if TPA will be their friends. It's a friends with benefits relationship, because Heeho-kun will teleport TPA to the next floor if they say yes.

Say yes, jackass.

The 5th floor looks different... it looks old. The cabinet contains two Soma (ソーマ).


Stepping into the dungeon reveals that it looks different, too. And the music has changed to the music from Deva Yuga.

Folks, we've entered Phase II: Hell.

Things to note: Kijo Dakini reflects Megidolaon. You should keep that in mind.

There's a staircase on either side of the classroom, which both lead to the 6th floor. There's four new staircases up here.

...you know where this is going, right?

Phase II consists of the fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth floors, which are all connected by various staircases. So. Many. Stairs. It's way worse than the final dungeon in the SEBEC quest.

...I, uh, actually screwed up, y'all, and missed out on a couple of scenes that are hidden in this horrible, horrible maze.


There's a handful of classrooms around. One has two Millionaire Bombs (ミリオネアボム, can reduce a cluster of enemy's to 1 HP), which is junk. I also noticed that I've picked up a couple of Fairy Sword Nihils (ようとうニヒル), which is a great weapon for Nanjou. It gets four strikes and boosts Strength, Vitality, Agility and Technique by 2.

To get to where we need to go, we should take the lower left stairs on the 6th floor.

After much, much, much walking around and fighting, we come to the Red Light District:

The deal here is that you have to light up all the tiles beneath the red lights. It's pretty simple and I'm not even going to dignify it with directions on how to solve it.

There's a room just head. Inside is the gym's stage.


The Queen of the Night is here.

Queen: "Hahahaha.... you came after me.... Why not be complacent, and just wait patiently for the Eternal Night?"

>A girl in a mask appears.

Masked Girl: "Why are you trying to save this school? It would... It would be better if it didn't exist!"

>A boy in a mask appears.

Masked Boy: "We lend our power to the Queen of the Night. With the three of us, we should be able to make our dreams come true. Ladies and Gentlemen, you're welcome to come to the top floor and meet us. Please, take your time, we'll wait."

>The girl and the Queen disappear.

If you speak to the boy, he'll warp the party up to the 9th floor.


There's a Dragon Scale (ドラゴンスケイル) in the room. The Dragon Scale is a Material Item that will allow you to fuse the most powerful World Persona in the game. He's at level 97. Good luck with that!

This is Phase III of the Frozen Castle. The music is the same as the last bits of the final dungeon in the SEBEC story, so we're getting close!

Near the classroom are two doors, side-by-side.

...it must be a trap. Inside is the most horrifying thing in the game:


There's a Healing Spring (8000 yen), a Velvet Room and a (real) Save Point nearby. We're at 21 hours, by the way.

...did... did Atlus just show us an ounce of kindness? In this game? Horrifying, it's absolutely horrifying.

But there's nothing wrong with it! The worst of this dungeon (Phase II) is over now! It should be noted that the halls here on the 9th floor are mostly trapped. They'll inflict poison on your party or deal damage. There's obviously a "correct" route to take, but I suppose if you had Liftma you could just use that.


There's also kitty cats up here! Unfortunately, they're like 10~15 levels stronger than I, and Ayase still has Urvashi. And the poison floors are getting really annoying because I don't have any Dis-poisons.


You can go to previous floors by speaking to the Masked Boy. The 8F will take you back to the gym's stage, the 4F will take you to Heeho-kun's room, and the 1F will send you back to the courtyard.

I decided to head back to the 4F and make my way back up through Phase II to see if I could trigger the scenes I skipped.

...this was a bad idea.


Rummaging around in the godforsaken maze, we eventually find an empty class with a Shisencyuu (しせんちゅう) for Ayase. It gives +3 to Strength and Tech and +2 to Vitality and Agility and causes Paralyze. Neat!

There's also a student government room. If you come here before seeing the Queen of the Night in stage area, you'll get a scene with the Masked Boy. He doesn't say a whole lot besides cryptic mumblings, but says that he's going along with this just to humor "her."

Ayase's really dragging us down, so we should leave and fuse some new Personas before continuing our descent into madness.

We get the Masked Boy to send us back to the courtyard so we can do some shopping. It's a good time to stock up on Dispoisons, Chewing Souls and Hiranyas. Actually, a good time would have been before starting this hellish expedition. I also noticed that Satomi Tadashi is selling lithographs/stones for recovery magic. We don't really need any of them, but they're there.

Then we mount a brief trip to the Devil's Mountain to pick up some more Spell Cards. The enemies on the uppermost floors are the same ones from Thanatos Tower, which we can actually get stuff from.

At the Velvet Room, Mara Ring decides to fuse Emperor Odin:


Odin resists all Magic and is weak to Attack. He learns Petra Eyes (ペトラアイズ), Magnus (マグナス), Petrama (ペトラマ), Dragon Spinner (りゅうがせんかい - 竜駕旋回）, and Magdyne (マグダイン). I also tossed in a Hellish Lithograph (えんまのせきばん) to give him Maharagidyne.


But a totally random accident occurs strictly by chance and I certainly did not reload 22 times until it happened!


Narukami is a great Persona that learns Gentle Waves (じゅうのなみ - 柔の波）, Mahabufudyne (マハブフダイン), Mahanma (マハンマ), Mahamudo (マハムド), Mahaziodyne (マハジオダイン) and By-pass Smash (バイパースマッシュ, deals more damage the more it's used). He'll also be getting Maharagidyne.

Narukami's variety of spells (Elemental, SCIENCE!, Exorcism and Curse spells that hit all enemies? Awesome!) and his Resist: Everything makes him a life saver and one of the best Personas in the game.

Narukami goes to Mara Ring, and Mara Ring gives Tenjiku Tokubei to Ayase. Doing nothing but casting Makakaja every battle should help her catch up in exp.

Back to the final dungeon!

Nanjou actually switches back to Aizen Myouo, so he too can share in the "Do nothing but cast makakaja and soak up a majority of the exp!" thing, too.


Back on floor 6, the stairs in the upper left should lead to an area that we missed earlier.

There's a classroom with a little girl in white inside. Hm... a little girl wearing white. That seems familiar...

Ayase tries to talk to the girl, but Ellie points out that a little girl? Probably wouldn't be hanging around up here and that she's probably a monster.

The girl introduces herself as Mai, and kind of rambles incoherently. She says she's looking for a girl, but can't find her. Since we never saw the girl, she runs off (There's no real difference in the outcome of these events, they're just here for fun).

In the cabinet, there's a Justice Coin (ジャスティスコイン) for Yukino that gives +2 to all stats and hits all enemies within its range. Meh.


A little ways further, there's another room. This time, it has a girl in black. She's looking for her father. Since we didn't see the Masked Boy in the student government room, we can't answer and she runs off.

In the cabinet, there's a Konryuumaru (こんりゅうまる) for Nanjou. It hits 3~5 times, boosts Strength by 3, Technique by 5, and Vitality and Agility by 1. It can also inflict blindness. It's a great weapon!


Mara Ring also maxes out his Agility while running around here. There's another room just a little ways farther, which I think houses the Masked Girl. Also, note the characters aren't complete idiots, they all recognize the Masked Girl as Maki if you see her before that scene on the stage.

....after much, much, much running around, trying to find their way back to the stage, TPA meets back up with the Masked Boy and head up the 9th floor.

...when I say "much, much, much running around," I mean "several hours worth of running." I hate Phase II

):

At the Velvet Room:

Let me show you how to use material items! First, you need Spell Cards that can yield a Persona of the same arcana as the one you want to make. So, for Judgment Yamaoka, we need a fusion that'll result in a Judgment Persona.

When you're asked if you want to use an item, you simply pick the material item you want to use. At some point, I picked up a Trademark Infringement (ジャストドゥイット), so I can also fuse Nike this way. How useless! Using the Spotted Glasses will yield Yamaoka:


...really, Yamaoka is less of a surfer in this game and more of a jet ski. There's a sketch of this design in Persona World Guidance, but I don't have a scanner with me. Sorry!


Amen Ra.

I don't fuse either one, because if I'm going to fuse them, I'm going to make sure they pick up some groovy spells!
...which they won't right now, because I don't have the cards for it.

Oh well, moving right along: Aside from the Healing Spring/Save Point/Velvet Room and a ton of trapped floors, there's nothing on the 9th floor except the stairs to the 10th floor.

...which has a bunch of new and exciting enemies that are all 10~20 levels stronger than most of my party! Narukami's Mahamudo and Mahanma are insanely useful against these guys, so Mara Ring is still rolling in the Exp.

The 10th floor is also home to our old friend the dark area! We want to exit to the east, which'll lead us to another dark area! We want to get out North here. It'll lead to a little hallway that winds around to the stairs to the final floor.

Yeah, they did put a save point, heal spot and Velvet Room this close to the final boss.

...I don't know, either.

Aside from the last boss, this floor also has a number of new and interesting enemies! First up is Fafnir. It is weak to magic. Mara Ring destroys it.

It leaves behind the Olive Wreath (オリーブのくびかざり), a material item needed to fuse Pallas Athena. She's at level 90. She reflects regular attacks and is weak to all magic. Oh Atlus, your sense of balance is just precious.

The enemies up here are pretty tough, they can Mahamudo/Mahanma with the best of them, or, worse yet, reflect your spells back at you. Narukami makes it all a little bit more tolerable. You don't really need to spend too much time fighting, because the floor is relatively brief. Unless, of course, you're trying to fight...


Fenrir. Fenrir is also a giant wuss. It's weak to Exorcism and Miracle-based attacks. It drops the Maximum Tempest (マキシテンペスト), which is used to fuse Shiva. Shiva's a level 96 Chariot Persona. Good luck.

...speaking of Shiva, though, that must mean we can get Vishnu, too, right? Technically, yes. Vishnu, who looks really evil, is a Persona you can obtain. He's the ultimate form of the Emperor arcana, but only clocks in at Level 86 or so.

...unfortunately, to get Vishnu's material item, you need to have obtained a spell card from every demon in the game. Good luck with that!

Fun fact: Vishnu's name was changed to "Ashura" or somesuch in the US version.

A quick trip back to the Save Point and Velvet Room yields Judgment Armaiti.


Armaiti reflects magic and is weak to Curse/Necromancy. It learns the abilities Fallen Eden (ごくらくおとし - 極楽落）, Mediarahan (メディアラハン), Dekunda (デクンダ), Mahakouha (マハコウハ) and Petra Eyes (ペトラアイズ). I tossed in a Scorching Lithograph for good measure because its other offensive abilities kinda sucked.

Armaiti goes to Mara Ring, and Narukami gets bumped to Yukino. Mara Ring spends some time breaking Armaiti in so it can cast Mediarahan, which is all its really good for.

Guys, I think we're ready to take on the final boss. We've actually been ready because the final boss is a total wuss

...yeah, yeah, I know, I said I was going to fuse the ultimates. And I will! Someday! Probably! But not right now.

Don't look at me that way! I've tried to level up enough to get them! But it's taking forever! When I saved after beating Lady Masquerade, I was at 17:40. When I first hit the last save point, I was at 21:33. Now I'm at 29:08! I've made a good faith effort!

Next Time: 全ての夜が 明けるように 叫ぼう

Yeah, I think this is probably the reason they just sort of hand them over in Innocent Sin.

...wait, what? Clearly the rules were different back then.

Heh. This one took me a few minutes, and I still can't imagine what sort of actual physical item that would be. A single, softly glowing, magically infused Air Jordan?

This seriously comes as a surprise.


For those who can't read moon runes, that actually says "Just Do It."

Yeah.