LET'S ALL READ SC2VN - Welcome to eSports Theater

Hello ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to Let's Force Caliscrub to Stream SC2VN - The eSports Visual Novel!

Once upon a time, a perpetually outraged skeleton known as BEAT burned through four bad visual novels for reasons that, if they really did exist, have long since been washed away by a tidal wave of alcohol and regret. Filled with hatred by these unbearable cruelties and the knowledge that his suffering was far from over, he swore that the next poor soul to suggest he play an animu conversation simulator would share in his agony.

Then on October 6th 2015 someone volunteered. Stoically and with no hint of remorse, Caliscrub offered himself as a sacrifice to my limitless hatred, so that the world might be spared. Approach the altar with reverence, and know the price a good man paid the to keep the forces of evil at bay.

…

Oh right I need to describe the actual game.

SC2VN - The eSports Visual Novel was released on steam in September 2015 at the low low price of free. It chronicles the trials and tribulations of a young American that dreams of attaining StarCraft eSports Glory! Sadly the United States is a backwards and primitive nation, where fame and fortune is wrongly showered upon analog athletes while more deserving digital athletes are ignored by a population blinded by stupidity and cowardice. And so they leave the States for the eSports paradise of South Korea, where everything will surely be wonderful, and they will finally receive the recognition they deserve!

Yeah.

That'll happen.

YOUTUBE PLAYLIST

CAST OF CHARACTERS
WHO ARE ESPORTS? LIKE REALLY?
TO BE UPDATED AS THE STORY PROGRESSES

TEAM TEAMWORK


MACH - ESPORTS WANNABE, GREAT WHITE HOPEFUL, MAKER OF POOR LIFE CHOICES,
Played by Caliscrub
The protagonist of this tale, Mach is American girl (or boy) who's love for competitive Starcraft 2 is so great, it can only be described in the form of a sonnet. Thus she makes the only logical decision, and spends most of her savings moving to South Korea, where she can properly chase her eSports dreams! This was a terrible decision because she's not that good at Starcraft. I mean, she's pretty good, but not, you know, spend all your money to move to Korea to play a video game made in Irvine California good.

But there's still hope! After months of misery, she stumbles across into a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get into the big leagues of clicking on vidja spacemans, and become one of the founding members of team of serious contenders! Will she seize this chance, or will it slip through her fingers like the savings she blew to get here? Only time will tell.


JETT - STARCRAFT LEGEND, MOVER & SHAKER, RARELY GGS
Played by BEAT
Jett is the best, and she knows it. She knows it so hard that she doesn't even type "gg" after a game! Why? BECAUSE YOUR GAME IS NOT GOOD, THAT'S WHY. Take your weakshit trash game out to the back alley and wait for the garbagemen to give you a ride home, scrublord.

But years of StarCraft glory hasn't just given Jett incredible trash talking skills and a list of wrecked nerds a mile long. It's also given her keen insight as to the inner workings of the eSports world, and she sees all too clearly the flaws and cracks in the current system. Stifled by the complacent fools that surround her, she seeks to start anew, make her own team to lead to glory! Unfortunately, a team needs players, and unsigned talent in the competitive world of Korean StarCraft is hard to come by.

While she was initially unsure about this weirdo white girl Accel was creeping on, she gave Mach a shot and eventually came to accept that she wasn't bad! I mean, for a whitey. She's willing to let Mach be a part of her MLG superteam, but only if Mach earns it.


ACCEL - HELLA PRO MLG, CONTRACTUAL OBLIGATIONS, CREEPY COACH
Played by Marsdragon
Accell is a member of a professional Starcraft team that saw Mach's true potential after wrecking her face off in a local tournament. His actions are those of a helpful fellow that would like nothing more than to use his clout to let others rise up to his elite MLG level. His personality on the other hand suggests that he would very much like to show you all the cool stuff he has in the back of his windowless van.

Initially Accel was hesitant to join Team Teamwork as he had a binding contract with another Starcraft team. However, while that contract said he couldn't play for another team in the league, it didn't say anything about coaching! Thus, after his old team stepped over the line one too many times, he decided it was time to let out a hearty cry of "Fuck those guys", and dive through the loophole to freedom.


STUNT - RISK-TAKING RISING TALENT, "BETWEEN SCHOOLS", SECRET BABY
Played by FanboyMaster
A rising Starcraft Star, Stunt is the team's first actual recruit. Brash and hotheaded, Stunt has all the life experience of a 14 year old kid that plays too much videogames. His aggressive and inventive playstyle shows great promise, and he could probably be a fantastic asset to the team with a little bit of discipline. That said his "between schools" status probably indicates that discipline's probably not his strong suite.


REVA - HONORABLE MACRO MASTER, SECRET GAMER GIRL, ACTUAL HUMAN & NOT ROBOT
Played by IRLBRO
Mach's second recruit, Reva made a name for herself in online tournaments where she won round after round with nothing but her rock-solid defensive gameplay, doubtlessly driven onwards by her rock-solid defensive personality. Introverted, calculating and risk-averse, Reva wants nothing more than to play StarCraft in a quiet room by herself as a faceless stranger. Signing up for the team is a massive leap outside of her comfort zone, but with the help from the rest of the gang, she just might be able to adapt to it.

Also she's a girl. You are surprised by the fact that she's a girl. A normal human girl. Not a robot.

ALLIES AND OUTSIDERS


MR. YEON - COOL OLD GUY, SMALL BUSINESS OWNER, SEEN IT ALL
Played by BEAT
The owner and clerk of the only store Mach ever shops at, Mr. Yeon has seen everything the world has to offer, and forgotten more than most will ever know. Defying the out of touch elder sterotype, he demonstrates more than a passing familiarity with Starcraft, Pro Gaming and eSports, immediately recognizing both how important they are to Mach, and the detrimental effects they're having on her life. His shop is also the only place Mach ever buys food, so really he's the only thing keeping her alive.


MR. KIM - SERIOUS BUSINESS, FIEND FOR THE MEAN GREEN, NEVER GET ENOUGH THAT'S THE MOTHERFUCKIN GANGSTA DREAM
Played by BEAT
A consummate professional and seriously sharp dresser, Mr. Kim is the first person with actual corporate clout to take notice of Team Teamworks' rising star. On paper his job is Enoch Group's Vice President of Partnerships, a very real & not made-up upper management position for a company that's definitely not named after Enron. With the support of the company he represents, Team Teamwork's financial issues would vanish altogether! Unfortunately, it looks like he's going to need a little more convincing.

BADGUY LOSER DICKWEEDS


BOLT - SEXIEST PRO GAMER ALIVE, DOUCHENOZZEL FUCKWIT ASSHAT
Played by Gahitsu
A mysterious and (and totally hot) Pro gamer that Mach keeps running into. He managed to keep up his aloof stranger act up for awhile until Mach actually played a game with him, at which point it was revealed that he was a pathetic nerdlinger dweeb. Aside from his impeccable grooming and being okay at starcraft, the only truly notable thing about him is the ability to say things like "You've forgotten the pride of a pro gamer" and not immediately break down giggling. Regardless of this, his fashion choices have already marked him as the story's main antagonist, so get used to seeing him.

SC2VN 01-01

I SHOULD HAVE PRACTICED HARDER
AKA: FUCK U MOM & DAD U DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MOVING TO SEOUL FOR VIDJA
PAID THE PRICE FOR ESPORTS
Caliscrub - FanboyMaster - Gahitsu - Patito - MarsDragon - BEAT

In which Mach reflects on the last few months of her life, and how they were eaten by a video game about sending tiny spacemen to get killed by tiny aliens. "Am I so different from those tiny space mans?" she wonders to herself as she walks down the crowded Korean streets. Surrounded by people, yet utterly alone.

In a flashback she reflects on the last time she saw anyone familiar, when her inhumanly burly mother and her muppet father wished her farewell at the airport. They acted like she was making a huge mistake, spending all of her savings to play video games in country where she had no contacts or employment prospects. At the time, she had acted like they had no idea what they were talking about. Typical parents, incapable of understanding the importance of eSports, the athletic competition of the future! Oh what short-sighted fools!

But now, on this dismal walk she is forced to concede that maybe, just maybe they might have had a point.

Caliscrub: [Reading Mach's lines] "But hey, at least I play video games all day."
BEAT: Oh god that's the saddest thing I ever read.

SC2VN 01-02

DISAPPOINTMENT AT THE PC BANG
AKA: HEY I WON MAYBE I REALLY AM GOOD AT THIS GAME NOPE JK LOL
MLG HELLA PRO MEMBERS OF THE PC MASTER RACE
Caliscrub - FanboyMaster - Gahitsu - Patito - MarsDragon - BEAT

Mach's quest to get out of her apartment and away from her computer takes a sudden ironic turn, when she finds herself standing in front of one of Seoul's finest PC Bangs!

BEAT: So is that like a gang bang or-
Caliscrub: It's nothing sexual! It's just like a PC Cafe.
FanboyMaster: [Incredulously] You're sure?
Caliscrub: I dunno why they call em PC Bangs

Filled with fake nostalgia for the glory days of eSports when cool nerds beat eachother up with Brood War, Mach enters the PC Bang to find that they are conveniently holding a massive StarCraft tournament! After a brief conversation with an asshole, Mach signs up then brutally obliterates a casual. A hollow victory, as everybody knows filthy casual's aren't real people.

Mach then meets Accell, who is super-duper good at StarCraft because of his cool jacket. While he's initially thrown off by the fact that he's actually talking to a white person, he quickly regains his composure and reveals that he is our next opponent! Does Mach stand a chance against this cunning (yet dreamy) adversary?!

Nope

Then the game crashes because clearly the programming of visual novels is very complex and taxing on even the most high end PC.

FanboyMaster: See what you've done?! This is your own fault Caliscrub!
Caliscrub: I listened to the crowd, and the crowd lead me astray!
FanboyMaster: Yeah, you listened to BEAT!
BEAT: Exactly! You should have listened to your heart!

Wow, I really was quiet as fuck. I don't know why that happened.

I have proper headsets now, so this problem should be fixed in the future.

All of our voices are a little soft compared to Calis. I'll remind him to bump up the skype volume, just a little bit.

ATTN: CaliScrub

PUMP up the JAM, pump it UP.

SC2VN 01-BONUS

THE WAY OF THE SKULL
AKA: FUCK READING I GOT THE GIST.
SEEKERS OF KNOWLEDGE.
Caliscrub - FanboyMaster - Gahitsu - Patito - MarsDragon - BEAT

For a few brief, glorious moments, we get to see how this let's play would have gone if BEAT where the one driving. Enjoy the wonderful speed and efficiency while it lasts, dear viewers, as we shall likely never see it again.

Unless the game keeps being crashy or we decide to savescum or something like that I guess wtfever.

Caliscrub: I'm not actually trying to play in BEATstyle.
BEAT: Why not?! My style- like- I have four Visual Novel Let's Plays at this point! My style is clearly superior.
MarsDragon: BEATstyle is impetuous and his defenses are impregnable.

SC2VN 01-03

WELCOME TO THE COOL KIDS TABLE
AKA: OVERJOYED AT THIS ONCE IN A LIFETIME CHANCE TO HANG OUT WITH SOMEONE WHO RARELY "GG"S
PROFESSIONAL GAMERS GAMING PROFESSIONALLY
Caliscrub - FanboyMaster - Gahitsu - Patito - MarsDragon - BEAT

After determining that she's not studying abroad

BEAT: I really hope the next thing he says is "because I'm studying A BROAD" and then he just leers at her.

…Accell invites Mach to follow him to the cool kids table and introduces her to Jett, which Mach immediately recognizes as the best StarCrafter ever. She's SO GOOD at clicking on aliens you guys! That's why it's okay for her to be rude. After a brief misunderstanding regarding nonexistent language barriers, introductions are made and a hideously awkward conversation follows. We in the Skype Crew do our very best to make it even more awkward with our fantastic voice-over skills.

Jett [BEAT]: But bitch, you don't have the nerve to drink the Monsters I drink, to pop the Ritalin I pop.
FanboyMaster: Jett's gonna have a heart attack.

Eventually Accell manages to convince Jett to give the noob a chance, and Mach is told to come back tomorrow for some kind of TEST. This is it! The best shot Mach will ever have at the big time! Will she capture it, or just let it slide?

Oh and then we finally get to the title screen. That's right, all of this was just the fucking intro. I told these motherfuckers BEATSTYLE was superior! I told them!

Caliscrub: This is turning Into 8 Mile. Mach is the Starcraft version of Eminem.

Oh also I basically re-did the whole thread to add a CAST post. Not that it matters.

Going to be streaming soooooooon~ Here we goooo

SC2VN 02-01

THE PC BANG OF SECOND CHANCES
AKA: OH BOY NOT ONLY IS MY IDOL KICKING MY ASS BUT SOME ASSHOLE RANDO IS ALSO KICKING MY ASS WHAT LUCK!
ASS KICKERS ANONYMOUS
Caliscrub - FanboyMaster - Gahitsu - Patito - BEAT

As promised, Mach returns to the PC Bang to meet with Jett and have her mad skillz tested. When she arrives she finds that Jett is already there, and has been passing the time by crushing the StarCraft hopes and dreams of countless random noobs, casuals, and wannabees. Seeing that Mach has arrived, the two of them dive headfirst into glorious Starcraft battle and I don't even need to tell you how THAT goes.

Jett [BEAT]: Why do you suck so fuckin bad?! Your wall at the ramp is natural trash how the fuck do you get away with this shit you're just asking to get merc'd.
Mach [Caliscrub]: It's not something I really think about that much. I just throw it up you know?
Jett [BEAT]: FIX IT OR FUCKING DIE.

After getting repeatedly wrecked, Mach looks up from the devastation on her screen and recognizes one of the people milling about the PC bang as the mysterious hot guy/jackass she met last night. Jett claims him as a KPGA player, but Mach rejects that notion because no guy could become that handsome while chained to the desktops of the dank KPGA training dungeons. Against Jett's advice she challenges the mysterious stranger to a duel! He reluctantly agrees, allowing us, the readers of this tale to determine Mach's actions! The SKYPE CREW seizes this opportunity and demand that Mach Go for an Early Attack!

And that's why SKYPE CREW is no longer to be trusted with these decisions as Mach is quickly forced to taste the Starcraft Curb. It tastes bitter, but nowhere near as bitter as the shame she feels when the mysterious hot douchenozzle struts back over to her to make fun of how much she sucks. Fortunately the game crashes in the middle of his victory monologue, sparing us from the full force of his scorn.

Well, I mean, least until we reload.

??? [Gahitsu]: Your plane ticket doesn't buy you the right to call yourself a pro-gamer. Save your money! and your Time! and go back home!
EVERYONE: "-AND BE A FAMILY MAN!"

SC2VN 02-02

SAVESCUMLORD
AKA: IN ALL THE INFINITE UNIVERSES THERE IS NO ITERATION OF BOLT THAT'S NOT A TOTAL DOUCHE
VOTED "PRETTY HOT" BY A PANEL OF JUDGES
Caliscrub - FanboyMaster - Gahitsu - Patito - BEAT

Meanwhile in an iteration of reality where existence wasn't abruptly ended by a cataclysmic crash, a functionally identical Mach makes a different choice against the functionally identical mysterious stranger! Tragically it's an equally stupid move, and she is once again crushed into the dust. As tall dark and handsome comes over to recite the same spiel his parallel reality self gave, the powers that be decide that they're sick of his shit, and vow to give Mach the most unfair advantage they possibly can!

Caliscrub: I guess he's just a dick no matter what we do?
FanboyMaster: He's just a bad person.
BEAT: We can go back! We can beat him! We have time on our side!

Sadly, even with the gift of precognition, Mach still loses in her epic battle. The Mysterious stranger, sensing weakness, comes over to brag about his video game prowess with a speech that seems to center mostly around how he's sick of all these immigrants coming to Korea trying to steal their eSports. Fortunately for Mach, Jett reappears, and reveals the mysterious stranger's one true weakness!

And that weakness is... He, can't deal with people who tell him "shut the fuck up, nerd".

That's it.

Ladies and gentlemen: Bolt. The primary antagonist of this story.

Jett [BEAT]: Don't worry dong-boy, your secret's safe with me. Run along now, I'm sure you've got some dice to throw in the alley or some fuckin' shit.
Caliscrub: I'm not sure if I'm going to give a thumbs up or a thumbs down to the "liberties" you're taking with the dialogue.
BEAT: They can read!

To be fair, I've tried this multiple times and can't even make it past 'pride'. That's quite an accomplishment.

I worry for you all.

I feel this experience will leave you all with terrible, terrible damage.

With BEAT here, where on Earth did you think anything else could happen?

Turtle's right. That probably is the best possible outcome. That's currently available.

authenticity

I actually edited that last video quite a bit to try and SEAMLESSLY ERASE some of the unavoidable lag That happens when our actors had to read from Lester's Stream footage instead of a local copy of the game. I'm not a great editor by any strech of the imagination but I'd like to believe I made the dialogue just a LITTLE more natural sounding!

Major props to Gahitsu's sick Russian accent, Caliscrub's hilarious Mach Voice and Mars doing her damndest to make Accel thousands of times creepier. I also love how we sort of blindly stumbled into making every single character get voiced by a SKYPE CREW member of the opposite gender. We didn't even realize it at the time but now we're fucking COMMITTED.

SC2VN 02-03

TO STRIKE OUT ON YOUR OWN
AKA: FOR ESPORTS SUPERSTARDOM I HAVE TO GO FROM GREAT WHITE MOPE TO GREAT WHITE HOPE & ALSO BE HUMAN RESOURCES
SCOUTED TALENT
Caliscrub - FanboyMaster - Gahitsu - Patito - BEAT

After that unpleasant run-in with Bolt, Mach feels herself slipping out of the the zone, and requests that they take a brief break from her brutal digital regimen. She finds a secluded little corner of the PC bang and quietly reflects on the last time she was outside of her bedroom for this long. It was the halcyon days of junior high, where she would spend hours in the library passing the time not-reading. Ah, those were the days.

Caliscrub: Wait so she didn't read for fun or study, so what-
FanboyMaster: She just sat in the library and did nothing!

Her quiet introspection is then interrupted by the return of Jett, who would clearly rather be StarCrafting. After a brief conversation on their preferred beverages, Mach decides to break down some cultural barriers, and informs Mach that in the world of Korean starcraft, going up to someone she didn't know and just asking for a round would be thought of as quite the faux pas! Mach takes the opportunity to ask about how Jett and Bolt know eachother, prompting jett to reveal their secret, painful history.

Mach [Caliscrub]: How do you know him? His name is "Bolt"?
Jett [BEAT]: No that's his handle you dumbass. Yeah he plays Shock T1.
Mach [Caliscrub]: Riiight… But how do you know him?
Jett [BEAT]: We used to fuck in the back of his van! What do you want from me!?

Nah, actually they just went to the same middle school.

After a long awkward silence, Jett finally decides to put all her cards on the table and reveal the real reason she came out to this hole in the wall of a PC Bang to meet with Mach: She's grown dissatisfied with both her current StarCraft Team, and the general attitude presented by other Korean teams. She's also been keeping her eye on western teams and is blown away by the fact that players who are so obviously lacking somehow seem to get so much more in terms of fanbase and sponsors! Mach gently lets her know that in the western world, the people who get the big bucks playing video games aren't the best players, but the players that are most fun to watch. Jett finds this concept disgusting.

Her grievances with the state of eSports laid bare, Jett finally reveals her master plan: She wishes to create her own StarCraft team, one that actively courts both Korean and western sponsors and fans! One where she can cut every conceivable cost, and force her teammates to practice long into the night! What's more this whole "Practice" session with Mach was actually a trial by fire, allowing Jett to secretly test her skills and seethe potential hiding within her! Also, she really could use a honky.

Mach [Caliscrub]: You know, this isn't exactly how I envisioned joining a starcraft team
Jett [BEAT]: What can I say, you're the coveted white person market. Walk away if you want, you have a long way to go if you wanna be anything other than translator-mascot.

With Mach firmly onboard, Jett outlines her first task as a member of the team: Start pounding the pavement, and track down at least two more high level players willing and able to sign with Jett. Thus Mach begins her talent search, her dreams of StarCraft Glory suddenly closer than they've ever been before!

Oh and then the game crashes again.

BEAT: Should I just take over streaming and you just be the one doing the-
Caliscrub: No no no, this is uh-
FanboyMaster: This is important.

SC2VN 03-01

HOT TIPS
AKA: PICKUP ARTISTRY NO SERIOUSLY FUCKING PICKUP ARTISTRY
EASY MARKS
Caliscrub - FanboyMaster - Smiler - Patito - MarsDragon - BEAT

After parting ways with Jett, Mach spends the rest of the day looking for people with True StarCraft talent at the PC Bang. Sadly, none of Golden Zonefire's patrons have the of raw skill she's looking for. Frustrated with her failure, she stops by a convenience store to buy very nutrious gamer food, and to regard the wage slave behind the counter with horror and disgust.

Caliscrub: "I see myself standing behind the counter in an unwanted mental image. It's a fate that could easily await me if I fail to make it as a professional gamer."
BEAT: IF I DON'T PRO GAME HARD ENOUGH, I MIGHT HAVE TO WORK A REAL JOB!

The next day, Mach meets up with Accel and asks him if he wants to get in on the ground floor of this exciting new gaming opportunity. Sadly it's an offer Accel can't accept, as he's signed to his current MLG PRO GAMER team for the duration of the year. However he is still sympathetic to Mach's cause, and after sharing some horror stories about the first time he lived in a team house he gives us a hot tip on where to find one of the best up-and-coming unsigned talents. A young firebrand of a Protoss player, who goes by Stunt! Mach, who can't believe her good luck, asks if there's a catch.

Accel [MarsDragon]: He's incredibly cheesy and maybe a touch arrogant. And he's a high school student.

Whelp.

Still, a lead is a lead! And so Mach asks Accel to get in touch with the child, then begins the horrifyingly long 30-minute walk to the PC bang stunt frequents, to try and "pick up" a minor.

Aren't they all high school students?

Or should be, anyway?

I figure most of em are somewhere between 20 and 25?

Well, except for uh

You'll see.

SC2VN 03-02

TO HURT A CHILD
AKA: HEY MS STUNT'S MOM CAN STUNT COME OUT AND PLAY
HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUTS
Caliscrub - FanboyMaster - Smiler - Patito - MarsDragon - BEAT

Mach arrives at Stomping grounds, and quickly identifies Stunt by both his obvious talent and the fact that he's like 14. Stunt enthusiastically greets her and asks if she's ready to start the betmatch. Mach is confused at first, but then remembers that Accel is exactly the kind of guy that would send a clueless foreigner into a high stakes gambling match with a high school freshman just because he could.

After some quick negotiations Mach sits down for what is sure to be a thrilling StarCraft Battle against a hot-blooded up and coming talent with the stakes higher than they've ever been- oh hey she won. Stunt, showing the emotional maturity of literally any 14 year-old that just lost a video game immediately storms over to declare that Mach only won because she's lucky and cheap and bad, but his temper tanturm is immediately cut off by a power far greater than himself.

Stunt's Mom [BEAT]: WHUTER YELLIN BACK THERE DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO SWEEP UP THE BACKROOM AN HOUR AGO?! QUIT YELLIN AT MY CUSTOMERS AND GO DO SOMETHING USEFUL FOR ONCE LORD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR FUCKIN SOUL KID I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!

Ah. His mom owns the place. Well that explains a lot. With Stunt immediately crushed by his own embarrassment, he meekly apologizes and says he'll get Mach's money. Mach figures that now would be the optimal time to show mercy, and reveals why she's really here.

Mach [Caliscrub]: Actually wait, I didn't come her for a betmatch.
Stunt [FanboyMaster]: What? But we just played one?
Smiler: Gimmie my 22 bucks! Need to get my fuckin' candy fix! Fuck you you suck at StarCraft!

Stunt is initially wary of the idea of signing up for a team without a name or any confirmed members. However he quickly changes his tune when he realizes it means that he'd be living completely unsupervised in a rathole apartment with a bunch of adult strangers. Truly, what 14-year-old could resist that kind of life? Mach leaves the bang victorious, one step closer to her Starcraft Team dreams!

Meanwhile BEAT smashes the glass he was drinking from and Caliscrub's internet wigs out, bringing Stream number three to it's inevitable close.

Stunt [FanboyMaster]: First they say busking, then it's prostitution all over again!
Accel [MarsDragon]: No no! I promise this time it's busking!

Oh wait lemme guess

Stunt is actually a loli.

EDIT: oh hi new video i should refresh the page before posting

Also the cast post keeps updating because I am out of my goddamn mind.

SC2VN 04-01

ALONE
AKA: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND NONE OF YOU SHEEPLE UNDERSTAND YOU'RE ALL BLOCKED NONE OF YOU ARE FREE FROM SIN
HATERS & SHEEPLE
Calif0rn1aKing - Fanboi_Crusha - 420gaHITsu420 - xXxM4R$_D4G0NxXx - BONELORD69

Mach celebrates her first successful recruit by going back to her apartment to sit alone in the darkness, silently browsing StarCraft "fansites". She makes her way through page after page of witless fools that know nothing of the true sacrifices that StarCraft demands of it's players. Eventually her disgust for casuals and the ignorance they embody becomes too much to bear, and she turns away from the monitor.

Caliscrub: "I take out my phone, hoping to find something on it to distract me from the mindless masses."
FanboyMaster: This is just a tragic human being.

In this dark sanctum, Mach's eyes are truly opened, and she is able to see the agony of eSports clearer than ever before. StarCraft isn't fun. Starcraft was never fun. StarCraft is pain. Starcraft is loss. Starcraft is sorrow. Starcraft is the world: a rock hurtling through a maddening abyss, appearing beautiful at a glance, but hiding incalculable hatred and suffering.

Turning back to the monitor, Mach is greeted by yet another piece of hatemail. It would seem a Mr. xxEdgelord97 is pleased by her recent streaming hiatus, and would like her to continue it for the foreseeable future. Mach sighs heavily. Truly, she is Fortunato, and Starcraft is Montresor, luring her into this darkness with empty promises, only to seal her there forever behind a bricked wall of angry Twitch.TV comments.

In the face of all this bleakness, Mach eventually gives in and falls into a restless sleep, realizing only upon awakening that she totally flaked on her promised rounds with Stunt. Yet another broken promise.

MarsDragon: God like, Is this supposed to be an advertisement? What is the purpose of this visual novel?
BEAT: The purpose of this visual novel is to PUT YOU IN YOUR PLACE! YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA BE A FUCKIN PRO MLG MOTHERFUCKER?! NO! GET BACK IN THE BOG YOU SPAWNED FROM BITCH.

SC2VN 04-02

HOTTER TIPS
AKA: CONTRACTS BAD SECRET PLAYERS NOBODY HAS EVER SEEN IN PERSON LIVE GOOD
LADDER REJECTS
Caliscrub - FanboyMaster - Gahitsu - MarsDragon - BEAT - IRLBRO

Mach meets up with Accel at the PC bang once again to see he can guide her towards any more unsigned high level players. After briefly discussing the tyranny of contracts, Accel gets down to business and tells Mach about Reva, a mysterious a player that's been dominating a variety of online tournaments. In addition to indredibly high level standard play, Reva is also known for being able to compete with all three StarCraft Races, sometimes even using the random option! If recruited, this mysterious stranger just might be exactly what the team needs to be ready for the big leagues!

There's just one problem: Nobody actually knows who Reva is. They've never shown up for any tournaments in person, choosing instead to exist completely online. Not to worry though, as Accel has a plan!

BEAT: When Accel says "I've got a plan" I expect the next scene to be him at the back of his van just like unloading a bunch of Zip-ties, a heavy duty flashlight, some duct tape-
FanboyMaster: And just repeatedly shouting "put these on!"
Caliscrub: Also cut out all these words from this magazine and paste them on this construction paper.
FanboyMaster: Now wear that construction paper on your forehead and wander blindly into the streets.

Fortunately for Mach, the SKYPE CREW is incorrect, and Accel's big plan to recruit Reva relies on Mach challenging Reva, playing exactly the kind of game they like to play, then striking up a friendly conversation. Apparently Reva just hates anything outside of completely standard gameplay, so if Mach wants to win them over, she's gonna have to leave all the cheap shit behind and play completely honorably. Mach isn't exactly thrilled at the prospect of playing that sort of long slow game of attrition, but doesn't really see any way to avoid it. Steeling her soul, she thanks Accel for the tip, and heads home to prepare for what's sure to be the fight of her life!

Meanwhile, we're joined by John, my IRL brother! Hi John!

BEAT: Reva seems like the sort of person who gets really pissed off when Mario Speedrunners use the jump button.

SC2VN 04-03

THE DELICATE DELIBERATE DANCE
AKA: OH WOW REVA YOU'RE SOOO GOOD AT THIS GAME WHAT ARE YOU DOING LATER
FIRST DATERS
Caliscrub - FanboyMaster - Gahitsu - MarsDragon - BEAT - IRLBRO

After an afternoon of practicing up, Mach's round against Reva finally begins! While it would be a lie to say Mach wasn't tempted to resort to the sort of cheap shit Reva detests, she was able to resist the urge, and played a completely honorable game just as Accel advised. So of course, she got her ass kicked. Just as planned.

BEAT: To make an analogy you'd understand John, it's like if two soccer teams were playing eachother, right? But one team really wanted to have sex with the other team so they're just sort of like continually nudging the ball into the other goal and asking what they're doing tonight.

Once the game ends with her inevitable defeat, Mach gets down to business and sends Reva some flirty chat messages. To her shock, Reva actually responds! While Mach is initially thrown off by her strange usage of proper grammar, she manages to keep her cool and keep the conversation going long enough to tell them about the team…

Mach [Caliscrub]: I'm actually looking to pick up another player at the moment. Would you be interested?
Reva [IRLBRO]: Well when you say "pick up"-

And then somehow make it past that awkwardness to make it to suggesting a face-to-face meeting!

Reva [IRLBRO]: Oh, You wish to meet in person?
FanboyMaster: The last time I did that I was lead to someone's windowless van!

Knowing that sleep will be impossible while fretting over how Reva's first in-person appearance will play out, Mach heads out into the night to visit the local convenience for some late night snacks. There she meets the mysterious clerk once again, and somehow manages to tell him her handle instead of her name, which leads her to try and explain her passion for eSports to the elderly gent. It goes about as well as you would think.

Mr. Yeon [BEAT]: I suppose that explains your late night shopping trips, and your generally unhealthy lifestyle.

Oh also the cast list updated again. BUT NOT WITH REVA! No, that's NEXT TIME.