LET'S STREAM GOAT SIMULATOR - They that sow the wind...

Hello ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to Let's Stream Goat Simulator.

Microsoft's "- Simulator" series has existed since the early 90s, and has always represented the absolute high point of simulated experiences with current technology. Be it flying airplanes, managing trains, trucking cargo across Europe, or even farming, the Simulator title means the very highest detail and care put into recreating a realistic experience. I will not call them "Games" because games are toys for babies. No! These are simulations, and shall be treated as such!

Why one only needs to view the launch trailer for Goat Simulator to see the dedication and attention to detail that this game promises in realistically simulating being a goat.


Poetry.

NOTE: I have not yet recorded any footage from this game. The first recording session will take place as soon as I am able to do so, likely either tonight or within the next few days. As with Bad Rats Before it, the recording session will be streamed in entirety to my hitbox page, then edited into shorter videos and posted to this thread. I will notify you all when this happens with posts in this thread, tweets, and yelling in IRC.

ALSO I AM A HATEFUL, JEALOUS, AND PARANOID SKELETON, CONSUMED WITH DESIRE TO MAKE THIS THREAD QUICKLY BEFORE ANYONE ELSE COULD SO NOBODY COULD STEAL THIS GAME AWAY FROM ME. THAT TOO.

YOUTUBE PLAYLIST

That's so beautiful it made me cry.

Yes! I've been wondering why I haven;t heard more about this game after the wonderful trailer released. I'm looking forward to seeing what kind of hijinks you'll get up to.

WE DOING THIS NOOOOWWWW.
IT'S OVER.
I've already chopped out the first episode, now i just gotta write it up. Doing things SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT then bad rats, but not too different because if it ain't broke.

We played a drinking game with goat simulator where if anything happened that made someone say "what the hell?" we'd take a drink. I don't think anyone was sober after about half an hour. The neck physics are definitely the winner of the "oh my god"s though.

STREAM 01 - 01

MISSION FROM GOD
HOLY HOST
MarsDragon - Nodal - Patito - Smiler - FanBoyMaster
BONUS: "STABILIZED" VERSION

In an effort to ensure that everything would be as fresh and new to me as possible, I made it a point to not play this game at all before kicking off this stream.

That was a mistake.

A horrible, horrible mistake.

GENERAL

• WHAT THE FUCK HITBOX CHAT. Magflare was kind enough to tune into the stream and talk in the chat, but once again the thing absolutely refused to load for me after multiple tries with different browsers. That's some serious bullshit.
• THE CONTROLS ARE COMPLETELY MYSTIFYING TO ME. Help how do I mouse keyboard? This is not a skill set I ever bothered to build, so I constantly hit the wrong key, ragdolling all over the place and sometimes opening up the command console. Even more embarrassing is that I keep begging people to tell me how to headbutt, but it never once occurs to me to just left click. The skype crew refuses to help on the basis that it's funny when I suffer. Next time I stream I'm doing it with a gamepad, see how that changes things.
• YOU CAN SLOW MOTION WHENEVER YOU FEEL LIKE IT. Fuck yeah!
• YOU CAN RAGDOLL WHENEVER YOU FEEL LIKE IT. I do this way too much because I keep hitting the wrong button on my keyboard. Like I said, I have no idea how to controls.
• YOU CAN LICK THINGS AND DRAG THEM AROUND, TONGUE STRETCHING INFINITELY. This is one of the core tenants of gameplay. Lick things, drag them away with you. You cannot be stopped. You are justice.
• GOAT'S NECK GETS CAUGHT ON EVERYTHING. It's horrifying and awesome. You love it.
• PLAY AREA IS KINDA SMALL. There's a whole city modeled way off in the background but invisible walls prevent you from going there. I haven't figured out how to break through yet. Consider that a goal.
• THE CAMERA IS TOTALLY FREE SO I SHAKE IT AROUND EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME. It was so bad that Youtube offered me some "shake correction" right off the bat. However, shake correction + video games NEVER WORKS EVER. So I made it a bonus video.

HIGHLIGHTS

• 01:55 - GOAT ANGEL GET.
  Yeah, suddenly glowing halo and eyes! I still have no idea why.
• 02:54 - FRIENDSHIP IN PERIL DUE TO LACK OF HEADBUTTS.
  NODAL: You couldn't be worse.
  BEAT: I know! Fuck you!
• 06:20 - KILL THEM ALL. YOU ARE A KNIFE. YOU ARE JUSTICE.
  "HUNT" Flashes accross the screen and I take it as a mandate, begin dragging people into traffic.
• 06:54 - MAGICAL SPACE ADVENTURE.
  I try to drag one of my victims into a dark tunnel and the game responds by hitting me with a midsize sedan, blasting me into space.
• 07:28 - I FINALLY LOOK AT THE CONTROLS.
  SMILER: Wow, how were you not pressing left mouse button this whole time?
  BEAT: I don't click things motherfucker!
  SMILER: Wow
  MARSDRAGON: You are terrible.
  FANBOYMASTER: Dumber than expected.
• 08:17 - MICHALE BAY!
  Get well soon gas station. P.S. Fuck the cops.

There are many "mutators" for the goat that give it new capabilities. Angel Goat is obtained by not harming anyone for a while when entering the game, thus making it one of the harder mutators to acquire because this is a sandbox game and people like breaking things and people.

And so the infinite gears of the cosmos turn as they were meant to.

There could be no other way.

(Looking forward to the rest of this!)

STREAM 01 - 02

HOUSE: BROKEN
THE OTHERS
MarsDragon - Nodal - Patito - Smiler - FanBoyMaster
BONUS: "STABILIZED" VERSION

My incompetence seems to only grow the further I get into this game. Not only does my ability to control the camera grow worse by the second, but my ability to master basic movement follows suit.

Motion sickness and epilepsy warnings seem appropriate here.

GENERAL

• BIG UPS TO THE CHAT DUDES. Magflare stuck around because of course he did, but he's joined by Zero-Elec who I don't think is actually a member of this board. He follows me on twitter, and dropped by to see what was up! Awfully nice of him.
• THE CAMERA IS NOTABLY TERRIBLE IN CONFINED SPACES. I'm reasonably certain the bit inside the house wouldn't be much better even if I did know how to use a mouse. As I don't know how to use a mouse, things get hard to look at fast.
• IT'S POSSIBLE TO DO REALLY COOL WALLRUNS. In a game like this the line between "Glitch" and "Working as intended is blurry as all hell, but the wallrun is definitely there on purpose. Now if I could only remember how the hell I did it.
• BOUNCING ON THINGS IS ACTUALLY PRETTY HARD FOR ME. you start drifting off to the sides when you bounce and my total inability to WSAD messes me up something fierce. Maybe I'll have more luck with a pad next time.
• THE CLIMB LADDER ANIMATION IS TERRIFYING. Terrifying and glorious. Also I manage to fall off the crane not once, but twice. Fuck you WSAD. Fuck you.
• YOU CAN RIDE BIKES! This may feature prominently in the later parts of this stream!

HIGHLIGHTS

• 00:32 - NICE HOUSE, BE A REAL SHAME IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO IT.
  I'm still angel goat. All of this counts as an act of god.
• 02:10 - SICK PARKOUR
  I pull off a wallrun while trying to accomplish the greater goal of dragging a coffee table out a window.
• 02:45 - INTENSE FLAVOR PRODUCT PLACEMENT
  BEAT: Wow, Doritos. They actually have Doritos.
  MARSDRAGON: Big Boss!
  BEAT: Like straight up Doritos. Dang.
  MARSDRAGON: Big Boss invented them.
  FANBOYMASTER: Big Boss exists in this universe.
• 03:45 - EVERYBODY IS VERY MEAN TO ME.
  MARSDRAGON: Kinda hard to be bad at this video game but you manage.
  BEAT: Hey, Hey hey. Shut the fuck up.
  NODAL: I find it impressive.
  FANBOY: The only reason you haven't failed is that this game has no failure mechanism!
  NODAL: Not yet! BEAT will program one in by accident.
• 06:55 - HYPECYCLE
  I get far too hype at the prospect of riding a bicycle, and end up falling out of the world itself for my sins. See you next time!

The neck of a goat is simultaneously corporeal and ethereal. Schrodinger would be proud.

Whoops! Had the wrong stablized version link up! It's fixed now.

Granted the stablized video isn't done processing yet check back in like 20 mins.

(WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO IT'S JUST THE NORMAL VIDEO BUT ALL FUCKED UP).

I like how it's one minute in, and you've already lost a fight to a living room suite.

STREAM 01 - 03

WITHIN A VAST SPHERE EVER DRIFTING
FAST FIVE
MarsDragon - Nodal - Patito - Smiler - FanBoyMaster
BONUS: "STABILIZED" VERSION

We strip Angel Goat of his divinity, engage in some brutal bloodsport, and attempt to take the ultimate drift into another dimension.

GENERAL

• NOT SURE IF THE WALL JUMP/CLIMB WAS SPECIFICALLY PROGRAMMED OR JUST ANOTHER INSTANCE OF THE PHYSICS FLIPPING OUT. It doesn't look like it's got any sort of animation, but then I started getting points for wall jump. But then one would assume a wall jump would take you off the wall instead of letting you shoot right up it! Why am I thinking so hard about this it's Goat Simulator. It's both and it's neither.
• WATERSLIDE JOY IS TRUE JOY. all my earthly worries are cast aside. Also wow, you get sick air on that thing.
• MAGFLARE INFORMS US OF MULTIPLAYER. Unfortunately it's currently local only. Hopefully someday that will change.
• GREEN STOPWATCHES START TIMED CHALLENGES. In case you're the sort that craves order and organization in your broken sandbox chaos. The one I find also resets you back to normal goat. Angel goat is no more.
• THIS GAME HAS A RUN BUTTON. How did I ever play without realizing this? I gotta go fast!
• I CAN'T SEEM TO MAKE DRIFTMOBILE EXPLODE. It's different from every other car in the game in that regard. I'm not too worried though. I'll find a way.
• I DON'T CARE ABOUT FLIPS. Skype crew, on the other hand, only cares about flips. I guess it's because "Flipping easy" has been on the side of the screen since I started. They're just gonna have to learn to deal.

HIGHLIGHTS

• 00:18 - WALL JUMP/CLIMB THING.
  SMILER: This is based on Metroid.
  MARSDRAGON: This is Bubsy 3D, which was based on Metroid!
  FANBOY: Oh gosh, why do you remind me of that?!
• 01:01 - WATERSLIDE SIGHTED, DROP EVERYTHING.
  My aspirations of starting the church of goat are immediately abandoned. I quickly grab a "friend" and ascend the mountain for sliding funtimes. SKYPE CREW fills the time by giving a quick primer on an Old E3 God of War promotion involving goat's blood.
• 03:04 - CRANE SIDE MATTRESS SUPER LONGJUMP.
  I'm stoked about it, but everyone else is too pissed off about me falling off the crane again to notice.
• 03:34 - TIME TRIAL
  I don't do so hot, partially because I wasted a decent chunk of time not realizing I've opened the dev console and am fruitlessly typing W's at the bottom of the screen. Again.
• 05:40 - MEET DRIFTMOBILE
  I immediately do the only logical thing: try to throw cars at it. Success is limited.
• 06:12 - LICK DRIFTMOBILE
  And it's amazing! Seriously among the greatest things I ever saw.
• 07:12 - NOW BATTLE FOR GLORY IN THE ARENA
  Victory is mine! I am such a badass!
• 08:45 - GOATHENGE
  If Stonehenge didn't want to be totally destroyed, maybe the ancient cultures that created it should have left it somewhere safer.

this is beautiful

GOAT STREAMULATOR 01-04 IS PROCESSING! Hopefully I'll be able to write it up during lunch today, thus completing the first stream sesson!

SO YEAH GONNA TRY AND FIND TIME TO RECORD NEXT SESSION SOON. Probably not tonight, because I have important Outerheavens to watch tonight, but tomorrow night's looking pretty free.

You are doing a good thing, BEAT.

STREAM 01 - 04

OUT ON THE SCRAMBLERS TRACK
THEY'D BEAT HIM WITH THE BARSTOOLS
MarsDragon - Nodal - Patito - Smiler - FanBoyMaster
BONUS: "STABILIZED" VERSION

We fuck around low-grav world for a little bit before I'm reunited with my one true forbidden love: Cycling!

GENERAL

• AT LEAST PART OF THE LOW GRAVITY TESTING FACILITY IS A SKATE PARK. That said, goat seems to stay horizontal whenever walking so my attempts to just sort of run up it got nowhere. I'm probably supposed to ragdoll, but what I really want to do is use the bike to try some rad BMX tricks. Next time Goat Simulator. Next time.
• THE BIKE IS IMPRESSIVELY HARD TO CONTROL. Right and left (or A and D, I guess) don't turn the bike, they just balance it. It will be off balance within a second. Good luck.
• I REMAIN SUPER, SUPER BAD AT CONTROLS. Practicing off camera would be cheating though!
• MY DETERMINATION TO GOATCYCLE IS OBJECTIVELY INSANE. I realize this, but even as I watch the video to write these notes I burn with the desire to jump right back in there and do more peddling.
• WHY CAN'T I DRIVE THE WHEAT THRESHER?! That seems like a serious fucking oversight. Of COURSE I should be able to drive the crop thresher. I'll bet I just fucked it up somehow.
• LET ME MAKE A GOAT DRIVE A WHEAT THRESHER THROUGH A CROWD OF PEOPLE. God damn you game, why is this the thing you deny me?
• EVERY VENT IN THE GAME LAUNCHES YOU FOREVER. This game is so fucking wonderful you guys.
• EVERYTHING THAT COULD FEASIBLY EXPLODE WILL EXPLODE. So. Fucking. Wonderful.
• SHOUT OUTS TO MAGFLARE'S WIFE. Her closing thoughts on the whole ordeal are absolutely perfect.

HIGHLIGHTS

• 00:25 - BEAT MANAGES TO FOLLOW SIMPLE INSTRUCTIONS
  Treasure that sick wall run, as it is the last time I will ever succeed at anything.
• 01:05 - FANBOY BRINGS THE SANIC KNOWLEDGE
  It's not like anything was happening onscreen at the time.
• 02:20 - BICYCLE FOUND
  I'm reunited with my one true love. It almost throws me under the map again.
• 03:14 - BIKE PHASES ME THROUGH A WALL.
  I respawn in disgust.
• 04:34 - ANOTHER BIKE FOUND!
  And this one I actually manage to use!
• 07:25 - CROP THRESHER FOUND.
  FANBOYMASTER: Oh. Oohhh No.
  BEAT: OH YES!
• 10:30 - GREVIOUS FAN FAILURE.
  I miss it entirely. I make it next time though.
• 11:22 - SUDDENLY BAKOOON
  Shoulda called it. Didn't call it.
• 12:10 - SEALED AWAY
  Physics decides I have toyed it it long enough, and it locks me between the walls and ground. But fear not! Goat shall return!

These are awesome, dude!

Also, I had to look up the Sonic loop fella you guys were talking about. I couldn't not do it!

I bought this game on BEAT's recommendation.

At one point I headbutted Deadmau5 off the top of a hotel where he was hosting a rooftop rave and became the new Deadmau5, named Deadgoa7.

Also, my five-year-old son read the "Fuck the Police" achievement out loud to me, which led to a Talk.

Ahahah PRICELESS!

Also I tried to do some goat simulator practice this afternoon just so the next stream would have less of me opening the dev console and ragdolling when I want to lick. I WASN'T CHEATING I JUST WANTED A LITTLE BIT LESS DEV CONSOLE!

And my comptuer forced a shutdown from traumatic overheating.

On the lowest possible settings for everything.

SO YEAH GOAT SIMULATOR IS ON HOLD TILL I BUY A NEW COMPUTER no big tho I'm planning on buying one this week. I've been putting it off for awhile and this is the straw that broke the camel's back.

IN THE MEANTIME I WILL DO MORE STAR FOX COMMAND UPDATES. MIGHT I SUGGEST YOU READ THOSE TO TIDE YOURSELVES OVER?!

I guess this is the best thread for it.

Goat Simulator has made it onto Android.

Holy shit.

I have an android.

I gotta try this.

Is this ongoing or done?

It's hard to tell

I Plan on returning to this game as soon as I get a new laptop. Thing is that keeps getting pushed back because I'm lazy/busy/laptops cost money/but really I'm just lazy.

So yeah ON HAITUS would be apt but it's by no means abandoned.

STREAM 01.9

HELLO AGAIN OLD FRIEND
WHERE ARE THEY NOW
Nodal - Patito - Smiler - FanBoyMaster - Kayin
BONUS: "STABILIZED" VERSION

After 5 months of absence, I burst back into making videos with a slickly produced brand new episode of Let's Stream Goat Simulator!

...Is what I would say if this wasn't actually just a test run of my new streaming setup. Recorded during a rainstorm under an aluminum roof, this video exists because I was futzing around with OBS and Nvidia control panel settings and blindly stumbled into a setup that gave halfway decent footage while talking to the SKYPE CREW. Since we were all there and the stream is live, we joked around with it until I got scared of lightning.

GENERAL

• MY STREAMING SETUP IS IN THE ONLY ROOM IN MY HOUSE WITH A METAL ROOF. You can hear the rain on it in the background throughout the video. It's annoying, but less loud than I thought it would be so that's cool.
• GOAT CITY BAY IS THE SECOND GOAT SIMULATOR MAP. I've never seen anything in it before!
• I STILL SUCK AT THE CONTROLS. No surprise there. Move along citizen.
• I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW IF YOU CAN EXERT ANY CONTROL OVER THE BOAT. Like the wheat thresher from 5 months ago, it remains a total mystery.
• IT SEEMS LIKE YOU CAN GET SOME PRETTY GOOD SPEED BY SKIPPING ACROSS THE SURFACE OF THE WATER. I must investigate this further.
• I AM SHOCKINGLY BAD AT RACE. It doesn't help that I miss every other checkpoint, suck at wall-running, and have no idea where I'm going 90 percent of the time. Also why is there suddenly a dude on my back? Get off, dude.
• I'M REALLY REALLY BAD AT WALL RUN. I'm just gonna blame this on my lack of experience with mouse-keyboard controls.
• THE RACE PUTS A DUDE ON YOUR BACK, I'M NOT SURE HOW TO GET HIM OFF. He's still there after the race ends and there doesn't seem to be any command to "eject dude". Go figure.
• STREAM CANCELED DUE TO LIGHTNING. So sad.

HIGHLIGHTS

• 01:20 - CAN GOAT SWIM?
  Sort of! But he can also skip across the surface of the water, which is WAY WAY BETTER.
• 02:11 - BRONY HAWK
  FANBOYMASTER: I'm looking forward to someone actually modding Tony Hawk into this.
  BEAT: I'm sure that will happen sooner or later.
  NODAL: No it's just gonna be a goat on a skateboard
  BEAT: You say that like it's a bad thing
• 02:35 - BOAT TIME.
  For a glorious 30 seconds, boat was the greatest thing ever. Then it hit the island. It was a trap, but we found out far too late.
• 04:53 - RACE BEGINS
  It doesn't end for an eternity.
• 07:29 - I TRY TO ESCAPE THE RACE, BUT THE RACE WON'T LET ME.
  I try to respawn to exit the race, and the game... takes me back to the start of the race. Okay Goat simulator, I'll play your sick game.
• 08:40 - ALMOST SUPER WALL JUMP
  BEAT: Wait, I got this. I got this! I'm going! I'm going places... Goddammit!
  FANBOYMASTER: Not surprising at all, if you don't mind me saying.
  BEAT: Shut the fuck up.
• 10:00 - TRAMPOLINES ARE STILL AWESOME.
  And still super hard to control.
• 11:30 - WHEE FIREWORKS!
  How did that even happen oh my god. I think it's actually sticking out goat's butt. Gross.
• 12:40 - THE END OF THE RACE IS IN SIGHT!
  And I miss it. And fall all the way back down into the water. At the beginning.
• 13:43 - SHOUT OUTS TO PAUL LE FOU WHO BEAT THE RACE FIVE TIMES FASTER THAN ME.
  NODAL: Did you just pronouce his name "Pal le Fawel"?
  BEAT (Lying): No.
  FANBOYMASTER: Yeah he did.
• 14:30 - REPEATED BIKE FAILURE.
  I have totally forgotten how I did it, so many ages ago.

Complete?

On hiatus?

Abandoned?

I have no idea

thing about Goat Simulator is that it's really just a toybox to fuck around with. There's really no GOALS to complete or EPIC GRAND FINALE to reach.

You can call this completed if you want. There's a new MMO-esque level that seems like it would be kinda fun to fuck around with, so I'll Probably stream that one of these days. And when I do that I'll probably post it in this thread, but I've basically accomplished what I set out to do.

"no epic grand finale"

That's not entirely true... The trailer shows us a jetpack. You HAVE to find and abuse it for great justice.

WELL SHEEEEIIITTT.

ATTN: Would-Be Goats

This game is currently 66% off on Steam.