Come to know Capriphobia all over again! Let's Play the Desktop Dungeons Beta!

Desktop Dungeons is best described as a lunchbreak sized puzzle roguelike. You control a generic adventurer tasked with exploring a randomly generated dungeon and bringing back a chunk of the boss to the local taxidermist so he can stuff it and sell it abroad. It's a simple little title from the South African developer QCF Design, but GODDAMN if it isn't something of an obsession for me, to say nothing of the best twenty dollars I've spent in a long time. The alpha has been Let's Played here before by Kalir, and it's a fantastic read for a game that used to hold a great deal of my attention before the beta was rolled out.

TABLE OF CONTENTS
Dungeon Runs
Foray the First : Magnus of Albion in Nu Tut'Oriel Cave Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
Foray the Second : Earl Dupont and Hale Kim in Tut'Oriel Wan
Foray the Third : Hale Constituency Smith in Tut'Oriel Tu
Foray the Fourth : Bravo Monslayer in Tut'Oriel Thri
Foray the Fifth : Tare the Great and Gladius McPeel in Tut'Oriel Phor
Foray the Sixth : Horace Connor in the BAAdlands Part 1 Part 2
Foray the Seventh : Meris Brutus in Vince's Vault
Foray the Eighth : Sneakee Oungenii in Thousand Cuts
Foray the Ninth : Yelzix McPeel in Hobbler's Hold
Foray the Tenth : Jim Monslayer in Venture Caves Part 1 Part 2
Foray the Eleventh : Fathr Yi the Beard in the Den of Danger Part 1 Part 2
Foray the Twelth : Mizzy Grassroot in the Den of Danger Part 1 Part 2
Foray the Thirteenth : Plae Oboggan in the Den of Danger
Foray the Fourteenth : Xin Smith in the Eastern Tundra Part 1 Part 2
Foray the Fifteenth : Praya the Smelly in the Eastern Tundra
Administator's Intermission the First : Dracul and the Witch
Foray the Sixteenth : Alexis Smith in the Southern Swamp
Foray the Seventeenth : Coyn the Soak in the Southern Swamp
Foray the Eighteenth : Tin Jones in Venture Cave
Administrator's Intermission the Second : The Pactmaker, Tinkers, Horatio, and Plot (and other assorted business)
Administrator's Intermission the Third : Preps and Samples from the Codex.
Foray the Nineteenth : Mystiq of Micks (and also Trinkit Camelot!) in the Northern Desert
Foray the Twentieth : Jane Nosehahr in the Northern Desert
Foray the Twenty-First : Argg Elrund in Venture Cave
Foray the Twenty-Second : Bearchew Brutus in the Western Jungle Part 1 Part 2
Foray the Twenty-Third : Flurry Tophat in the Western Jungle
Administrator's Intermission the Fourth : Crusaders, Pacts, and More Plot
Foray the Twenty-Fourth : Wolf Shalefist in the Rock Garden
Foray the Twenty-Fifth : Bludless Shelling in Shifting Passages Part 1 Part 2

Explorer's Guild Puzzles
Starter Pack Parts 1-3 Parts 4-5
Agbaar's Academy
Hello, halflings!
Hello, gnomes!
Fun with Trolls
The Glowing Guardian : Coming Soon!
Fresh Blood : Coming Soon!
Nature's Embrace : Coming Soon!
A Godly Giggle : Coming Soon!

Class Challenges
Fighter Bronze : Gladius Fingrsnaq in Bleat It
Fighter Silver : Coming Soon!
Fighter Gold : Coming Soon!

Berserker Bronze : Akss Kim in RAWR!
Berserker Silver : Coming Soon!
Berserker Gold : No promises.

Warlord Bronze : Cain Grassroot in Terror Begins
Warlord Silver : Coming Soon!
Warlord Gold : No promises.

Thief Bronze : Garrett in The Dark Project
Thief Silver : Garrett in The Bullshit Metal Age
Thief Gold : No promises.

Rogue Bronze : Coming Soon!
Rogue Silver : Coming Soon!
Rogue Gold : No promises.

Assassin Bronze : Kilah of Spirit in Winter is Coming
Assassin Silver : Coming Soon!
Assassin Gold : No promises.

Wizard Bronze : Morgana Whiteglove in Magic, Woo!
Wizard Silver : Morgana Earhand in Malfunctionarium
Wizard Gold : No promises.

Sorcerer Bronze : Manderen Mustash in Bloo Hoo
Sorcerer Silver : Coming Soon!
Sorcerer Gold : No promises.

Bloodmage Bronze : Sor-on Of Micks in A Taste
Bloodmage Silver : No promises.
Bloodmage Gold : No promises.

Priest Bronze : Theresa Nitpik in The Deadites
Priest Silver : Coming Soon!
Priest Gold : No promises.

Monk Bronze : Kim Monackle in Meat Beat
Monk Silver : Coming Soon!
Monk Gold : No promises.

Paladin Bronze : Heiroph Frostfire in Path of Light
Paladin Silver : Coming Soon!
Paladin Gold : No promises.

Tinker Bronze : Coming Soon!
Tinker Silver : No promises.
Tinker Gold : No promises.

Crusader Bronze : Coming Soon!
Crusader Silver : No promises.
Crusader Gold : No promises.

I just unlocked Changeling on the alpha a few months ago. Looking forward to this!

But now that the beta's rolled out (and been rolled out for -quite some time-), I want to get started!


Flames and blood engulfed the defenders - nomads, exiles, and vagabonds with only a handful of trained fighters among them. Injured, ill trained, and separated from one another, many of the survivors had no choice but to press on into a nearby network of mazelike caverns.


Welcome to the tutorial. In the center of the screen, you see...well, us. We aren't doing so hot, as you can see by the health bar on the right being damn near empty. Below that mostly empty red bar, is our mana bar, full, but useless to us since our inventory is empty, and thus, lacking spells.


And that is our first enemy. He's a badass when we've got 1 hit point. Hits us for twice our current health, he does! We need to heal, but we have no health potions, and apparently no training in medicine. I guess we'll have to move and hope something good happens.


Hey, we healed a bit. Desktop Dungeons restores health (and as we'll see later, mana) when you uncover tiles from the blackness. We're level one, so we get one health per tile. We uncovered three tiles, so we got three health! Still not enough to keep that Goblin from killing us in two hits, but I see three more tiles we can uncover.


That's the stuff. We're boxed in, though. But I think we can win a fight.


Easy. He'll hit us again on his way out, which is why we needed to explore again. But...


Dead. Now we can move on. Also, see that green bar? Experience bar. We fill that, we level up.


Well, we have a bit more freedom. Still, we've no clear goal. Best to just keep moving.


We were at seven health when we killed something just like this. At full health, he's trivial. I make him splat, then explore more.


...now this guy is kind of badass. We can't deal with him. He's level 2. He's got half again as much health as his level 1 companion, twice his health regeneration, and four times his damage. We need to get stronger to take him on. Pity. If we could take him on -now-, he'd be worth some -really- good experience.


Ooh, a zombie. He's a bit better than the goblins, but still quite murderable, especially compared to mister Level Two to our north. None of his traits really come into play for us, though, nor will they for some time. The goblin's first strike is annoying to deal with later, but again, doesn't affect us now. I'll explain more about these abilities when we have some way to interact with them.


Dead zombie. Let's move on.


Ooh! Two enemies at once. The meatman takes an extra hit, but hits like limp jerky.


Didn't even have to heal between them. This kill is special, though, because...


I levelled up. In addition to five more damage, ten more health, and an awesome light show, I fully healed! Let's go beat down a goblin.


Awesome. He beat the crap out of me, but I turned him into a smear. Notice how he gave me less experience than he would've had I killed him at level one? Once you equal or surpass a monster in level, it only gives you experience equal to -its- level. A shame, but I killed him. Let's move on, shall we?


Ooh! Powerups!

Alright, quick rundown. The red plus block gives me more max health. Specifically, one max health per level. This is retroactive, so my next levelup will give me eleven more health instead of the standard ten.

The blue X is mana. Picking it up is one max mana. Handy, since I don't get more max mana by levelling up.

The green sword needs some explanation. Let's pick these up.


It gave me an attack bonus. You can see how damage is calculated. I have ten base damage (default is five per level), and a ten percent boost from the green sword (all green sword blocks give a 10% boost), so, eleven damage.

Let's move on.


Hello, what is this?


It's BURNDAYRAZ! The classic fireball spell that's a staple of these fantasy games. When cast on an enemy, BURNDAYRAZ burns their ass (oh, isn't that clever?) for four times my level in damage. It also hits them with the burning status, which slows down how fast they regenerate health, specifically by one per tile. It costs over half my mana, but considering that I don't get hit back for BURNing DAYRAZes, it's a solid addition. Let's pick this up and move on.


The hell is this?!



Damn. That's some physical resistance. Our basic attack hits for jack and crap.


But this doesn't! A fireball and a basic attack brings down one goo blob. Sadly, I can't fireball the next one without-


Doing that first.

More coming up! Image limits are going to be the death of me.

Let's move on. Left, or right...I vote...RIGHT!


What the crap is that? I can't tell because it's too far away! Some walls can be vaguely seen past.


Blue potion! Zelda rules, or color coding rules?


Color coding. Let's pick it up and move on!


First, see how the mana potion takes up a fifth of that inventory slot? Potions are small. Second, I explored past the gooblob to this goblin. I have a hunch about what's behind that goblin. SPLAT and move on!


I feel pretty already! Smarter too! That's a pendant of mana, good for 2 max mana as long as I have it in my inventory. Yoink and move on!


-Dang-. Let's...let's just off that gooblob to hit level three.


More damage, more health, more fireball damage. Hmmm....let's get -saucy-.


He hits us for over half our health. But...


We hit him substantially harder when we add 25 HP worth of fire damage. Wait, 25? Burning has another effect; the next attack that hits the target does an extra damage per stack of burning. If it applies burning, then burning will stack up. If not, then burning pops off. Sadly, multiple burning stacks doesn't slow regeneration further, but between fireballs and punching, we can win. Let's go explore.

(Also, I'd lost this screenshot, so I had to make another file, go through the tutorial, and take this shot again. The exploration and the hero name shows it)


See what I mean about regeneration? He healed when we explored just like we did. But we healed just a bit more, thanks to our damage and his burning.


Damn! He's -close- to dying. Let's get enough for another fireball.


We found a gooblob and a mystery block, but we have no time for that crap!


We have a zombie to roast! FWOOSH!


-NOW-. Let's go see what that mystery box was.


Shiny. Sadly, it's generic treasure, good for five gold pieces, but otherwise worthless. It doesn't even take up an inventory slot, just adds five gold to our wallet.


Bet it's health.


Called it.


Oh crap! It's a Merlin impersonator! PUNCH IT IN THE FACE!


He hits like a power lifter! KILL IT WITH FIRE!


Phew. That was close. Let's move on.


The heck is that? Looks cool.



Alright, conversion 101: Items and spells can be sacrificed for conversion points. Depending on your race, conversion points do different things. We're human, so 100 conversion points turn into a free green sword block. This is worth 150. Let's convert it.


Bam. More damage. In the alpha, you could only convert glyphs, and they didn't give 'points', just a whole conversion. We could convert our potions and our pendant if we wanted, but why would we do that?


Spoiler senses tingling.

Find out what's setting them off in the next part. I have the strangest feeling that I'll need to trim updates more in the future.

More jewelry!


Awesome jewelry! Ten free health! Yoink!


I felt too awesome to waste my time on low level shlubs. Now I feel moderately terrified.


...my god...


OH NO OH PLEASE SOMEONE SAVE ME! That goat is a -beast!- He'll wipe the floor with me!

Alright, don't panic. Let's just level up, see what we can do, alright? That goblin looks killable.


One more fireball will do it. But I have two. So let's fry a level 3 mage, then fry the goblin.


Ah, full heal. Now, we still can't face that goat, so I think we should clean up the dungeon a bit.


Starting with this guy. See how he isn't hitting me back? The first strike rules prioritize attacks like this.

1 : Monsters with first strike.
2 : Players with first strike.
3 : Monsters equal to or higher level than the player.
4 : The player.
5 : Monsters lower level than the player.
(There are added complications that I can't explain until a bit later.)

Because I'll kill him this hit, he can't hit me back. Thus, no damage. SPLAT.


Do I need to explain me killing these things? I fireballed a gooblob and punched some meat. Still a bit short, though.


He'll do. Let's explore a bit, then start the fight.


Alright, he'll die without hitting me.

So, let's fight the goat. That zombie can wait.


Not quite. Let's level up.


Eat it, grassmuncher.


Wow, he exploded messily. I guess high level goats have high blood pressure? Also, glowing golden blood? Let's explore behind him.


Paydirt! Let's pick up this cash and that potion, then check out the goat's corpse.


I thought I was here to escape the murder and death that befell my travelling companions in the night? Oh well. I have a hunk of goathead and a way out. Let's bail.


Now, I -wanted- to show the tutorial. I enjoy it greatly. It's funny. The problem is; this is a beta. Features that will be highlighted later keep me from showing off the tutorial directly.

So instead, I'll show it off on a different file, next time. For now, I'm hitting Onward!


If this fledgeling settlement is to survive beyond it's first few weeks, its people will need a reliable and well-trained force of heroes to keep enemies at bay.

...this is where YOUR job begins.

As the elected Administrator of this rabble, it will be up to you to expand the settlement and recruit the heroes needed to defend your people!

Ooh, hey. We administrate a dump. Also, some guy is talking to us.


"Your new position gives you responsibility over our collected funds and efforts. This represents the resources we've managed to scrounge together so far."

Not pictured, a hand pointing at our kingdom gold in the bottom right. I pruned that screenshot out before I learned of the image limits. Even I thought that was excessive.


That one? Okay.


Hey! I can afford exactly that! And he looks so much more ferocious than our beat up guard. This is a solid investment!



That they are. Also, they live in a swanky house.


Oh crap. We better do something.


...can...can we continue our discussion in a more private hovel? Leatherface McPurplesuit frightens me more than a level 5 goat, and he doesn't have a healthbar I can whittle down with fire and panicked clubbing.

I had to prune the image because I wasn't making a one image part four, but there are indeed three dungeons to tackle crowding what will be our city map! We'll tackle these the update after the tutorial, or maybe even the same update. For now though...well, if this garners interest, how about a vote? Choose which one we tackle first! Vince's Vault, the BAAdlands, or Thousand Cuts!

Speaking of participation, now's a good time to also solicit feedback. This isn't the first of these projects I've undertaken, but it's the first I've undertaken SERIOUSLY. I'm a new hand with Irfanview, and while it looks good to ME, I'm using this project to power through a lazy streak. So, if images are too big or too blurry, please, let me hear it. And if you can give me some tips on how to deal with that in Irfanview, lay them on me.

I'll try to get AT LEAST one update a week. Maybe more, hopefully not less even with college classwork to consider. I'll pop in for discussion regularly though.

Here's to a hopefully successful project and some tasty, tasty level on the side. Cheers.

Thousand Cuts sounds like enough cuts.

The images look good enough, though for better fidelity, you should use PNG instead of JPG.

Used Irfanview to convert a few images to test. Wow. The difference is pretty substantial. Next update will probably be PNGs.

The previous update won't be editted, though. Partly because I want to be able to see myself get better over time...

MOSTLY because that's seventy five images I'd have to relink to, and it's like 2 AM over here, and my fingers hurt.

When it comes to powering through my lazy streak, we're gonna have to settle for baby steps.

Wow, I did not know this existed. I am not good at most roguelikes, but I did get through Lothlorien (and do everything else) in the alpha, so I think I'll have to give this a try.

Go to the BAAdlands. The more goats, the merrier.

Man, this has changed quite a lot since Alpha. I might have to give this game another shot now.

Well, I've finished my Calculus 2 homework ahead of schedule, and have nothing better to do, so I'll be posting the four guided tutorials. These'll be nice short updates, but they'll do a better job of explaining game mechanics than me steamrolling the practice dungeon ever could.

The vote will end when part 4 of the tutorial goes up. Ties will be settled by asking a roommate to break the tie.

See you all when I see you all again!

Hey again, my newest compatriots!

Last time we made a practice dungeon meant for new players look far more complicated than it actually was by abusing the freedom it gave us to pound it's face in.

In retrospect, that was bad LP practice: that dungeon was meant to be easy. Had I explored more and killed everything in order (there were monsters hiding in the blackspace), I would have been level 5 before fighting the goat. Then I could have used my blue potion and my 13 max mana to hit him with three fireballs, then club the goaty terror to death.

To that end, let's watch me have my hand held through the old tutorial!


Thanks, Tutorial. I'll feel right at home.


Hence the name I gave to the previous dungeon.


Easy enough!


After clicking too fast, and restarting the tutorial, our new adventurer discovers he is HURT!


This is surprisingly handy information. It took me an uncomfortable amount of time to learn this was a thing in the alpha.


He can't be that tough!


Okay, he is that tough. Also, to keep you from stupiding yourself to death on him, the Meatman now has pacifist. Any attempt to murder him will instead be met with civil discussion.


Like so. Believe it or not, the pacifist trait is used elsewhere. Let's stop resisting the hand that's got a deathgrip on ours and move on.


Yup. He sure did regenerate.


Score. After hitting that signpost, the three bandits behind the one next to us were magically revealed. MURDERIN TIME!


New feature! And sure enough, the bandit is pacified until we use it.

We get the above screenshot if we attempt to murder him without rightclicking him.


He's lost pacifist! His abilities are being magic immune, and inflicting mana burn, which sets your mana regen to 0 after dumping your mana bar. That'd be problematic if we weren't going to level up from killing that bandit AND had spells. As it stands, the game's right; his abilities are harmless.

Hey, let's rightclick meatman!


Most. Useless. Feature. Ever.

Okay, not really. It's reasonably useful if you don't know what an ability does, but the utility of it dwindles fast as you learn the ins and outs of the game, and the novelty of hitting space instead of left click to attack wears off fast. Let's go kill a bandit.


And meatman isn't a pacifist. LET'S PUNCH HIM.


DARN RIGHT I AM! Let's go do that!


Really game? It's just a goat. I can take it.


No he won't, he's a pacifist!

(Sidenote: I swore to do the tutorial, all four parts, JUST FOR THAT SCREENSHOT.)


CUUUUUUUURSEEEEEEEEES.


Screw you too, buddy. I hope I give you the runs and you dehydrate.

Showing the 'victory' screen is mildly spoilery, because I'm doing this tutorial on my main file that has most everything unlocked. Next part, Tut'Oriel Tu!

The education train HAS NO BRAKES


Killing a warlock? DON'T MIND IF I DO!


I had to hit him twice to get that satisfying 'splat' sound. Game still has a point though.


I'm extremely dissatisfied with my damage!


I'm mildly more satisfied with my damage!


Mmmm....mild satisfaction...feels moderately nice.


MMMM! Ego stroking! That's the good stuff.


Constituency is Hale's middle name.

He got the -crap- beat out of him at Adventurer High School for it. To this day he gets twitchy and panicky if anyone mentions middle names around him.


If only he had THESE babies in high school. Than he might have stood a chance when Big McLargehuge shoved him into his locker and converted his lunch money into a health potion.


This goo blob is a WUSS. The one's in Nu Tut'Oriel had 40% more resistance.

The Beta did a good job of tuning up the next hit prediction window. Now it shows NUMBERS, as well as experience change, and it reacts to factors like death protection.


Ah mana. So useful, yet so useless.


We better. Otherwise you wasted my time. I love my time!


OH GOD THE HORROR! FLEE, HALE CONSTITUENT SMITH!


AH HA! Goat's can't climb ladders!


'Impaled by killer goat' is NOT an option, contrary to the lessons of Tut'Oriel Wan.

Next time; DAMMIT TUT'ORIEL TU, YOU PROMISED ME A MAGIC LESSON. I hate you! I'm going to your sister. She's hotter anyways.

Bravo Monslayer was hired to vandalize the Tut'Oriel dungeon chain to satisfy my administratorial rage regarding the lack of magic lessons in Tut'Oriel Tu, to say nothing of my annoyance at Pacifist's formal description in Tut'Oriel Wan. Having run out of dog doodoo and paper bags two dungeons in, he seeks to gather resources in Tut'Oriel Thri.

Sadly, on his way here, his lighter broke. Things are looking quite grim for our vandalriffic hero.


What, no welcome? Tut'Oriel Thri is rude.


Wait, my mistake. It's just slow on the upkeep. Still, free fire is nice, given Bravo's situation.


Yep. That's how you do that.


Another goo blob.


BEASTLY Goo blob?

Nope. Pansy. Anytime he hits me, he heals me the instant after. (The animation is hard to catch.) Let's return his kindness with firey death and move on.


I turned this off. I -hate- this feature. It's led to more misclicks (and thus, more painfully stupid deaths) then I care to count.


Good idea, since I'm a bit short on the fireball I need to roast another pansy blob.


Lots of stolen gold could buy a lot of paper bags and animal feces. DIE BLOB. Bravo Monslayer has a JOB TO DO.


You might remember that we started with 2 EXP. I guess making a level 5 goat stomp on a burning bag of crap is worth the same as killing a level 1?


OOH! Basement entrance!


Hell yes I will explore more of the dungeon!


All you people who only just played the alpha just -lost it-. Yeah. Dungeons have MULTIPLE FLOORS NOW.

Well, more like multiple rooms attached to the main dungeon. Still, DUNGEONS HAVE THAT NOW. They didn't before. They're KIND OF AWESOME. You should totally be amazed right now. For now though, Bravo needs seed money.


Gasp! Yes, it's true, some subdungeons are traps. Most trap subdungeons don't change the main dungeon though. This one is special.


See? The wall to our north moved to block the path to our east that we came from.

No choice but to press on.


So ferocious. So magic immune. The main draw to take from this is that Glyphs are worth a LOT of conversion points. 100 to be exact. That's a whole conversion right there.


Woo hoo! That's a lot of money to take home!


Sadly, Bravo fell down the ladder, hit his head, and died on the floor in a pile of gold. Back home, we don't see a single cent.

Next time: I've had it with these level 5 goats in these level 5 dungeons.

Note : The vote deadline is shifted, since my DND buddies are irritated that I'm distracted by being unfunny on the internet!


Tare the Great, formerly Tara Smith, seeks to avenge her family's reputation at the hovel by slaying a goat, thus cleansing the Smith name of the shame of having fled from a barnyard animal. She's trained constantly for about two hours for this moment.


She finds the mighty Lighter of Monslayer, and takes it for herself.


Then she trips on a sword she found on the floor and bleeds to death anticlimactically because I missed a screenshot.


Gladius McPeel finds her corpse, and Tare'sbane. He hefts the latter carefully, while disregarding the former.


Mindful of his pack, he picks up a shield and a magic pendant.


Meditating on the teachings of the masters, he ignores a piece of advice that'd be useful in another moment, but is rather non sequitur at present.


He then remembers that he is quite thirsty.


And there it is. The slayer of Kim. The shame of Smith. The beast of Tut'Oriel.


Gladius McPeel issues a shout of challenge!


His opening assault wounds the beast mightily, but to take another blow would be certain death! Unless...


A last minute shift in stance lets the goat's horn tear through his side, but miss any vital organs. (Also, Fighters start dungeons with a charge of Death Protection. Death Protection allows one to survive a killing blow with 1 HP.)


He falls back to recover his posture and slake his tremendous thirst...


Then goes in for the kill.


GLORY TO ESSESSELPE! GLORY TO HOUSE MCPEEL! GLORY TO HEALTH POTIONS!

And that's the tutorial! Hopefully this will convince me to trim a LOT more in the runs to come. I'll extend the vote (remember, it's Thousand Cuts, the BAAdlands, or Vince's Vault!) for a few hours at least. I'd tell you more accurately, but I dunno how long my friends will keep me indisposed!

I think the young Kingdom of Essesselpe could use whatever is in Vince's Vault.

Alright, it's late, but again, no commitments tomorrow...so...at least ONE UPDATE will be done when I awaken.

If no one else votes, I'll be rolling a die to decide which of the three goes first.

Did Tara really die tripping on the sword item? That's rather sucky.

Naw, that's just his joke. Desktop dungeons is pretty friendly; you aren't going to die unless you attacked a monster that you knew could kill you. Death comes more from attrition than surprise. It's very different from Nethack, where I would not be surprised in the slightest if you could die from tripping over a sword on the ground.

The joke in this case is that he had to suicide in order to get the screenshots he needed.

Welp, Nich saved me the trouble of having to find a six sided die. I'm getting screens for the BAAdlands now!

Last time, several brave adventurers braved the depths of the Tut'Oriel dungeon chain, and a few of them came back home.

This time, we're shrugging off the kid gloves, and going back to making practice dungeons look more complicated than they actually are.


This won the vote by an astounding...one vote. Still, magic and cunning are how I overcomplicated Nu Tut'Oriel, so this shouldn't be a problem.


WHOAH! This just went BAD! I remember Gharbad! He did like 300 damage a swing and had enough magic resistance to ignore DOZENS of fireballs! This is -bad-, guys.

The things I do for DEMOCRACY!


I HAVE TO FIGHT FRIGGIN -GHARBAD- WITH A -FIGHTER?!- The only time I ever beat him in the alpha was a lucky Warlord run! Oh, where's Kalir when you need him? Dude's a Gharbad-slaying MACHINE.
(If you hadn't read his LP thread of the alpha, you should.)

This is gonna suck.

Also, note the 'With:' field. That'll be important in a few dungeon runs from now.


Welp. Here we are. Pair of enemies already here...let's check that sign.


Yup. Those ghostly red heads in the unexplored blackspace are Instincts at work, and the 'faster levelling' of Veteran is seen in the fact that we need less EXP to get to the next level. Combined with the fighters bonus EXP, he levels FAST.

Still, I want to overcomplicate this, so let's find a level 2, and some gear.


No gear, but I picked up some gold, potions, powerups, and found a subdungeon.


There was gold in the corners of this room. But...look closely at the walls. There's GOT to be more to this room.


I found BURNDAYRAZ. That'll come in handy. If Gharbad's anything like I remember, I'm going to have to ineffectually fireball him down low enough to kill in one hit with my death protection to even stand a CHANCE.


What the crap? Another one? Proof that I'm in a practice dungeon. Multiples of a glyph don't stack. So I convert the second fireball.


I found more damage pickups, but I'm boxed in. Oh well. A level 2 will still be worth bonus experience if I kill ONE level 1. The signpost I'm standing on is unimportant. Trust me.


OOH! NEW SHINY!

ENDISWAL got a LOT of love between Alpha and Beta. It's cheaper to cast (6 mana instead of 8), and whenever you cast it, you get 20% physical resistance until you get hit. Resistance caps out at 65%, but being able to shave off 60% of Gharbad's MASSIVE DAMAGE might give me a chance.

Also, I could go explore that subdungeon more, but I'm waiting on that. It's full of exploration I can use to heal, and walls I can END for defenses.


Found a target. Can't quite kill him. So...let's end a wall next to him and keep looking for powerups!


Like so.


"I've been around since the Desktop Dungeons alpha and I'm still gonna kick your ass! Just let me land ONE HIT...

Regards,
Gharbad the- Whoah! (He's a goat boss!)"

(I missed a screenshot. Had to make another file, rush here, and transcribe this. Took about three minutes.)

OH SNAP IT'S GHARBAD.

Wow...time between the alpha and the beta was not kind to you. In his old age, Gharbad lost about 70% of his health and damage, and all of his magic resistance.

The fact that he hits as hard as some things TWICE HIS LEVEL is a testament to Gharbad's legendary strength, even in his later years.

But now...now is the time for REVENGE. For all my alpha heroes who died to his goaty terror.


Conversion Fodder! Yeah. This dungeon and it's neighbors only have 3 unique glyphs. I'm looking for the third.


And here it is. GETINDARE also got a little buff. Now whenever you use it, you get a stacking boost to dodge chance that stays until you dodge a hit. Sadly, it also got something of a nerf, since there's...well...you'll see next dungeon, I'm sure.

FOR NOW THOUGH, I want it.


New target. How does it die? FIND OUT NEXT TIME!

Last time, I promised Meatman Murder.

Sadly, his death is somewhat anticlimactic.

After smashing him in the face, burning him, then doing a quick heal for the mana for GETINDARE, we hit level 2 off the Meat Man. And the level 3 zombie behind us will get us to level 3.


GETINDARE is handy sometimes.

After converting another GETINDARE, we find a level 4 wizard. Sadly, our ENDISWAL resistance won't prevent any of his magical damage, and double sadly, he'll take it from us when he hits. But he dies in 2 hits and I have GETINDARE, so it's not like it's a total wash. He dies like a chump and gives us seven experience.


So does this one! SPLAT! That takes me to level 4.

Alright, priority 1: kill first strikers. I can't outspeed them EVER, which is annoying.


A punch and a fireball cleans him up level 4 Goblins FAST though


This one two. It was a goblin. Trust me.

I use ENDISWAL to reveal the last monster (it's a level 3 goblin)

Let's open up the subdungeon THAN finish off the goblins.


I promise we'll explore here later. For now, I need to clear the board of goblins.

After doing that, I start spamming GETINDARE and one shotting things to get my dodge rate up


30% dodge rate, but another kill will level me. In retrospect, I could have eaten the level to get another 25% dodge rate off the rest of these weaklings, but oh well. I don't -need- to dodge to kill to Gharbad.

Let's hit the subdungeon for mana and WALLS TO END.


Oh my. That's a lot of gold. The entire outer ring of this room is gold pickups.


I don't waste any more exploration, but I -do- end 4 walls to max out my physical resistance, and cast another GETINDARE for a dodge boost. It's time to take on Gharbad.


My capped resistances gave me a free hit! Sweet. Knocking off all but 27 of his damage is -nice-.


There's your ONE HIT Gharbad! Now he'll pop my death protection.

You must be slipping if I'm still alive after you hitting me twice, Gharby. But now I just GETINDARE...


Vengeance is so sweet.

After killing Gharbad, I level to 6, clean out the subdungeon of gold, and finish off the monsters I left behind, before taking the trophy and leaving.


Badges are disabled for these dungeons, so I Won't explain those. You can see all manners of stats here, it's just not worth running down each one. The important thing to take home is that I won and I got a crapload of money for it!


Now who the crap could that be?


OH GOD JUST GIVE HIM WHAT HE WANTS! DON'T LET HIM CHAINSAW ME!

"Long story short, I'd like to buy that trophy from you. I have the gold right here! This new Kingdom needs SOME kind of regular income, right? Well, work with me and we can build an entire economy around hunting and slaying evil! I'm pretty sure that this will turn into a long and mutually profitable relationship."

Oh. Oh geez. Well, I'm just mortified. I am -so sorry-, sir, and I would LOVE to take your money for a hunk of Gharbad's face.


You can see just above the banner the house with the dragon on top of it? The Taxidermist has some swanky digs.


Here you can see the trophy board. This'll be a lot more important LATER. Also, the advisor is pestering us to get more classes. How does HE describe them?

At the pile of rocks: "Upgrading this structure will give you Priests. They're reliable slayers of the undead with impressive health buffs."

At the little circular foundation: "Upgrading this structure will give you Wizards. They start off with a free fireball. Lower mana costs and other abilities make their glyph use much easier."

At the craphole bakery to the south: "Upgrading this structure will give you Thieves. They excel at squeezing extra value out of dungeon resources and deal a little extra damage to unsuspecting opponents."


That's on you guys. Two calls to make, and to make things go faster (because I'm excited to make more PROGRESS), FIRST TO PICK WINS.

So...We need a class (PRIEST, THIEF, OR WIZARD)

and a dungeon (VINCE'S VAULT or THOUSAND CUTS)

So get to picking!

BONUS
Protips.



So...handy.

THIEF and VAULT sound like a good combo.

YOU GOT IT TORZELBAUM.

Screenshotting now.

I was going to vote for a THIEF that's weak enough to need a THOUSAND CUTS to kill anything.

I was so tempted to make this the vote for this update, just to get the tutorials out of the way and move on to the real game. So I did. Next time is a Thief in Thousand Cuts with a special added twist.

Last time, Torzelbaum made an executive decision to send a Thief to Vince's Vault.

To do that, I need to funnel some money into this bakery.


By giving this disgusting little hole a pass on the health inspection, we can now register thieves as adventurers.


Free to do business once more, they make enough money to close shop and become an insurance company just in time to capitalize on the salmonella outbreak ravaging Essesselpe today. No matter. I need thieves!


Don't need to tell me twice. Despite using a dinky knife, Thieves are better at dedicated melee than Fighters, mostly because Thieves have abilities impactings things OTHER THAN EXPERIENCE GAIN.


Specifically, these abilities.

1 : Dungeons spawn extra powerups. They get an extra health power up, an extra mana power up, an extra damage powerup, and I think extra potions.
2 : Their health potions ALSO heal 20% of their max mana, and their mana potions ALSO heal 20% of their max health.
3 : If they attack something at full health, they get a 30% bonus.

Alpha vets will notice that Stabber is reworked (you can stabber the same enemy multiple times if you let him heal between, but you have to lead with an attack), but his potion healing is nerfed slightly (potions used to heal 40% to both health and mana).


In our mad dash to pick up powerups, we find WONAFYT. It summons a monster to us! It has an extra benefit I'll show off...


Now.

Teleporting a monster slows it. Remember those earlier First Strike rules? Here's the full list.

1 : Monsters with first strike
2 : Players, if they have first strike
3 : Monsters, if they outlevel or equal the level of the player.
4 : Players, if they aren't slowed.
5 : Monsters, if they're lower level than the player.
6 : Monsters, if they are slowed.
7 : Players, if they are slowed.

Slowed has an extra benefit, too. If a monster dies while slowed, he gives an extra experience. WONAFYT's gone from a waste of a spell to a fantastic way to prepare low level monsters to give bonus experience. It's pretty great.

Now let's convert that extra WONAFYT and look at that arm glyph.


BYSSEPS! In addition to making our next hit 30% stronger, if we hit something magic or physical resistance, it loses 3% of it. Not bad for 2 mana. Let's convert the stray BYSSEPS glyphs, summon more level 1s, then move on.


Alright, here's all the level 1s. Minus 2 level 1 goblins. I had to kill them cuz I boxed myself in like a moron. I can't kill level 2s without BURNDAYRAZ. It's a guaranteed spawn, though, so I just need to find it.

Also, you see I can't move past the wall of monsters I summoned. Ah well. No big deal.


Wow, Vince is a douche.


He's certainly got magic resistance though. But he does damn near NO DAMAGE compared to Gharbad. This'll be a breeze once I level some more.


Found BURNDAYRAZ and the subdungeon. Killed that level 2 Goblin by stabbing it in the face and burning it to death to hit level 2. Let's poke our heads into the subdungeon.


That's it? Not even some gold. Let's just bail-woopsfingerslip.


I hit the summon button and summoned this bandit. Well, waste not want not.


Ooh! That's a Fine Sword! It's good for 4 base damage. Between that and all my damage boosts from Thievery and converting copycat glyphs, I hit like a -train- now!


I'm one-shotting things a level above me!

Let's try for a level 4.


BYSSEPS and 1 fireball will kill this level 4 warlock. Damn I'm good.


I can just shank this zombie to deanimation.


Everything is explored, and everything is slowed but a level 4 meatman and Vince.

LET'S. GET. SAUCY.


Using BYSSEPS, the occasional fireball, and my multipurpose potions, I do this in about three hits. Vince is a CHUMP.


After killing Vince, I go on a murdering spree, and finish off the rest of the monsters. I had to BYSSEPS to kill that last meatman, but they all died in one hit.


Oh hey, now I can upgrade a different building. Instead of giving me a CLASS, the Blacksmith will let me spend a bit of gold to add to my adventurer's adventuring kit!

With his first upgrade, my adventurers can start with Tare'sbane the normal Sword of +2 Base Damage, McPeel's Glory, a shield of 2 damage reduction, or a slayer wand, which can instantly kill one monster.

I will almost never prep a slayer's wand, but I can think of a place or two MUCH later where it'll come in handy.

For now, let's keep the train rolling.

BONUS

More Protips

I started playing the beta early but lost interest after a while. I should get back and see just how many drastic changes there were. I know for a fact that IMAWAL got a significant rework that made it really valuable.

Anyway, you should start getting some priests up ins at your next opportunity. This will in turn pave the way for halfling monks and their creepy, creepy stare.

I'm going as fast as I can to get out of tutorial limbo, partially for that reason. Now that I've finished the last three practice dungeons, it has a random chance to spawn in all future games. Maybe the update after this one I'll be able to show it off?

Anyways, last time, I let someone vote without them knowing what they were voting for.

He wants a thief so weak it'll take him a thousand cuts to win? Fine. No conversion, minimal powerup pick up thief run.

But first, I need to upgrade the blacksmith.


I'm taking the shield. SO MANY CUTS.


See? Preparations take a bit of gold, but can be quite handy. The shield is...not the handiest. It falls off FAST as dungeon progress is made. Still, this is for funsies.


Startin with a shield, woo! What's THAT glyph?


WEYTWUT is awesome. Remember WONAFYT slowing random enemies? Now I can -choose who I slow-. And move them whereever I want. This is stupid handy. Unlike the alpha version, where WEYTWUT teleported you to a random square, which was just stupid.


It's great for prepping low level monsters to be killed later.


Ah, LEMMISI. It explores 3 tiles. In the alpha, it cost 3 mana, but now, anyone can use it to regenerate mana and health while boxed in (with one exception we'll see later).


I found my first BURNDAYRAZ here. See how I didn't convert the junk WEYTWUT? We're keepin the damage low.


I accidentally picked up an attack boost here.

SHAME LEVEL : 1


I killed a level 2 warlock here. I stabbed him in the face, burnt him to slow his regen, explored for more mana and health, then repeated the process.

While exploring to heal up for the other level 2 warlock, I find a mana boost. I kill the second warlock with 1 stab, 2 fireballs, and no exploration.


Then I kill a meatman with 5 cuts.

CUT COUNT : 8

I explore a bit, slowing some level 1s as I do.


"Foul nemesis! It appears as though you have discovered my base of operations! I cannot suffer your presence and allow you to live!

Regards,
Sir Digby the Goat (who is totally a boss character)"

Another missed screen. Digby hits even softer than Vince, but he's got some SERIOUS HP there.

I keep getting cut off by attack boosters I don't want to pick up, so I use LEMMISI to heal my mana, and take on a level 3 warlock with fire and stabs.

CUT COUNT : 9


This is how GETINDARE got nerfed. The ability to slow on demand with WEYTWUT to get first strike ON first strikers, AND to get bonus EXP, blows GETINDARE so far out of the water that even though GETINDARE Beta is better than GETINDARE Alpha, it's damn near useless when WEYTWUT Beta is involved.

(Earthbound tile set for Desktop Dungeons. Best idea?)

CUT COUNT : 12

Then I off a level 4 meatman to hit level 4 myself.

CUT COUNT : 17


CUT COUNT : 20

It's around now that I notice that I found the subdungeon. Let's hit that up.


It's just like the one in the BAAdlands, but I don't have ENDISWAL. Oh well. It's full of blackspace I can LEMMISI later.

Like after I kill another level 4 zombie.

CUT COUNT : 23


It's mocking me.


WAIT A MINUTE! I can use that meatman to WEYTWUT in and out!

...Let's stall that for now, though. (Note from the future: also, forget to screenshot it when I DO grab this gold at the end of the run)

I go back upstairs to kill a few weaklings, and accidentally step on another attack booster.

CUT COUNT : 27
SHAME LEVEL : 2

Digby's not much of a threat, and I can level up during the fight thanks to the slowed level 1s.


CUT COUNT : 29


CUT COUNT : 30


CUT COUNT : 34

Then I went to clean house on the rest of the monsters.

CUT COUNT : 45

A bit short of a Thousand. I was tempted to surrender the run and try again without picking up the two attack powerups.


Except instead, I retired from the wrong exit. Without picking up the trophy. Which still counted as a win. At least I robbed the subdungeon on my way out.


Unfortunately, you're running up against a new kind of problem.

As you take the spoils of your hero's dungeon exploits back to the Kingdom Treasure Vault, you notice that it's becoming a teensy bit full.

It's time for the official Vault to expand beyond the confines of that old couch in your spare bedroom. For now, you'll need to focus on finding a better source of cash security - and hiding it in random pots across town simply won't do.

Rumors abound in the local Tavern that mysterious creatures known as Bankers have been sighted in these realms. If you catch one, maybe you can harness its power in some way.


For beating the goats, we get the Tavern, and access to the world map!


DAMMIT ADVISOR. He starts the quest explaining tutorial. I'm skipping it. It's boring.

See, I want to show off those dungeons, and I'll let a vote go down for them, but first, I want to unlock the Priest and the Wizard, and I only have the cash for one.

Hobbler's Hold is the easiest repeatable dungeon, and it stops giving gold the instant I clear one of the other two dungeons, Venture Cave or the Den of Danger. To that end, I'm going to fill my treasury in the Venture Cave after getting Priests and Wizards. The next update will be a Wizard in Hobbler's Hold.

As for that vote-

We need a class (FIGHTER, THIEF, WIZARD, or PRIEST)
and a dungeon (DEN OF DANGER, or VENTURE CAVE)

for the update after next, and the update after that one. Second place in dungeons goes last, second place in classes takes it on, ties will be settled with the classic die roll.

The voting will close at 3PM Central Time, which is when I get out of class on the morrow.

Your screenshots are still JPG, by the way. Could be Photobucket is auto-converting them (like the old IMAWAL).

Lots of things in the alpha were autoconverts for me. IMAWAL, LEMMISI, ENDISWAL (except for that one class), often BYSSEPS and whatever-the-first-strike one is, one of BURNDAYRAZ or CYDSTEPP...

I vote Wizard in the Venture Capitalist Cave.