All this for a map of Paris? Let's play Curses!

Search the other side for loot!

Unfortunately, we left Mr. Goodwrench back in the 20th century, so it'll have to be the hands.

>hit pole
It won't break.

Well, darn. Let's take it out on the unconscious guy.

>hit spy
Not an act worthy of a Meldrew.


Of course. I am a gentleman, and should behave as such. Hitting the pole is close to what to do, but can you figure out what that actually is?

Puzzles:
Figuring out what to do in the tent.

Unexplored paths:
None.

Inventory:

• a pair of leather sandals (being worn)
• a yellow daisy (tucked behind your ear)

Score:
It is some time in the sixth century A.D., and you are in the Master Game. You have so far scored 514 out of a possible 550, in 1811 turns, giving you the rank of master Druid.

Maps
Meldrew Hall, attic:
a=Attic (down to game over)
b=Old Winery
c=Aunt Jemima's Lair (wireless)
d=Servant's Room (scarf)
e=Potting Room (Aunt Jemima)
f=Old Furniture (wrapping paper)
g=Over the East Wing
h=Storage Room (wheel with handle, dumbwaiter leading to Cellar)
i=Disused Observatory (glass ball on telescope stand, smoke detector)
j=Airing Cupboard
k=Dark Room
l=East Annexe
m=Dead End (down/east to Beside the Drive)
n=Library Storage
o=Souvenirs Room (slide projector [contains The Castle], ship in a bottle)
p=Inside Cupboard (big iron fireplace, open skylight with crank handle, up to Roof)
q=Chimney (down to Priest's Hole)
r=Alison's Writing Room (bed)
s=Tiny Balcony
X=game over

Meldrew Hall, cellar:
a=Cellars (dumbwaiter to Dark Shaft)
b=Wine Cellars
c=Cellar West (locked door leading northwest, down to Hellish Place)
d=Cellars South (robot mouse, hole in wall)
e=Infinity Symbol (infinity symbol carving on floor)

Meldrew Hall, gardens and shaft area:
a=Garden Stream
b=Family Tree (plane tree, up to Up the Plane Tree)
c=Beside the Wall (potted shrub, one-way path down to Wine Cellar)
d=Lawn Ornaments (dark well too small to enter, miniature, weed killer bottle, prayer book, romantic novel, green branch, gas mask)
e=Mosaic [can be lagach-ed]
f=Clearing
g=Garage (garden roller)
h=Vegetable Garden (runner bean plant)
i=Maze
j=Viewpoint Ledge (plaque)
k=Dark Shaft (dumbwaiter to Storage Room)
l=Dark Passage
m=Patio in Maze (down to Crypt)
n=Sandstone Passage
o=The Octagon (window vent, gilded coffin used to identify rods, scroll)
p=White Hallway (painting of Mad Isaac Meldrewe [can be lagach-ed], elephant's foot umbrella stand)
q=Bricked Path
r=Halfway up the Stairs (up to Servant's Room)
s=Hedgery
t=Croquet Lawn (colored peg, wickets)
u=Summer House

Catacombs below the gardens:
a=Crypt (bronze mural [can be lagach-ed], up to Patio in Maze)
b=Jagged Passage
c=Catacombs (down to Universe Maintenance Room)
d=Contraption Room (sheet of dull amber-colored metal forming north wall, iron panel with 3x5 grid, see-saw of leather baskets, metal hand)
e=Charnel Passage
f=Sarcophagus
g=Contraption Reflection (same as in Contraption Room)
h=Inside the Orb (accessed by cleaning the golden orb)

Meldrew Hall, roof:
a=Roof (down to Inside Cupboard)
b=Battlements

Meldrew Hall, ???:
a=Priest's Hole (one-way path down to Cellar West)

Northeast of the House:
a=Beside the Drive (up/west to Dead End)
b=Public Footpath (down to Hollow)
c=Stone Cross (Old Evans with his lucky mascot)
d=Parish Church (passage into an underworld not meant for mortals)
e=East Side Chapel (statue of Diana)
f=West Side Chapel

Northeast of the House, Hollow:
a=Hollow (up to Public Footpath, one-way northwest path to Mosaic)

Northeast of the House, spire:
a=Out on the Spire

Unreal City:
a=Unreal City
b=Shadowy Hallway (up to Consulting Room)
c=Bohemia (mural [can be lagach-ed])
d=Down by River
e=Near Ring Road (down to Chatelet-les-Halles)
f=Chatelet-les-Halles (map salesman)
g=Consulting Room (down to Shadowy Hallway)
h=On board the Phlebas (saying "time" will take the protagonist to Garden Stream)

Tarot box:
a=Cups and Glasses (model ship)
b=Aboard Ship (examine model ship; up to Up the Mast)
c=Prow of the Lady Magdalena
d=Stern
e=Ruined Castle Cafe
f=Sea Shore (Andromeda, up to Cliffs)
g=Cliffs (down to Sea Shore)
h=Clifftop Walk
i=Outside Taverna (fig tree)
j=Eraina Taverna (bartender)
k=Wall of Thorns
l=Cave Mouth (obsidian altar, flaming bronze urn)
m=Sacred Earth (south to death by divine wrath)
n=Temple of Zeus
o=East Cloister
p=Inner Sanctum (Homer)
q=down to Cross Centre
r=Cross Centre (down to Oubliette)
s=up to Inner Sanctum
t=Southwest Cross (statue of Dionysus)
u=Northwest Cross (statue of Demeter)
v=Northeast Cross (statue of Poseidon)
w=Southeast Cross (statue of Ares)
x=Oubliette (crushing wall trap; up to Cross Centre)
y=Lighthouse

Alexandria:
a=Causeway
b=Island of Pharos (down to Jetty)
c=Crossroads
d=A Tower (door; "enter door" to go to Consulting Room)
e=Necropolis (tombstone with empty socket and word "GALITA", down to The Height of Fashion)
f=XIIth Dynasty Pyramid (writings [can be lagach-ed])
g=Outside the Royal Museum
h=The Birdcage of the Muses (pigeonhole)
i=Oil Room (trough of oil)
j=Reading Corridor
k=Geography Room
l=Librarian's Office
m=Outside the Theatre
n=Stadium
o=Outside the Royal Palace of Alexander
p=Lost inside the Palace
q=Lost inside the Palace (say "anoppe" to reach the Palace Balustrade)
r=Warehouses and Port (sailor, engraved die, skiff; enter skiff and type "sail" to go to Garden Stream)

Alexandria, tomb:
a=The Height of Fashion (up to Necropolis)
b=This Is The Death (blocked slope to the west)
c=Quite An Undertaking (sarcophagus; enter sarcophagus and close lid to go to Buried Alive)

Alexandria, palace balustrade:
a=Palace Balustrade (astronomical mounting, astrolabe; type "look through eyepiece" to go to Out on the Spire)

Alexandria, Jetty:
a=Jetty

Alexandria, Consulting Room:
a=Consulting Room (Madame Sosostris, beaded curtain)

Hamburg by night:
a=Museum of Arcana
b=Revolving Door
c=Hall of Exhibits (still life [can be lagach-ed])
d=Cabinet Room
e=Dark Staircase (down/south to...?)
f=Coven Cell (goat)

Master Game:
a=Murky Cave (flaming torch)
b=Spur of Rock (down to Hanging on Rope)
c=Valley Prospect
d=Roman Villa
e=Atrium Cloister
f=Stream
g=Atrium
h=Entrance
i=Guard Quarters
j=Rough Tent (you are here)
k=Triclinium (down to Darkness)
l=Darkness (up to Triclinium)
m=Hypocaust

Deaths
Missed the point entirely: 5 (irritated Aunt Jemima by trying to steal her gardening gloves, gave up on the search, broke a pipe and had to call a plumber, lectured by Aunt Jemima for four hours, burned down most of the attic)
Spooked: 1 (haunted by the ghost of Sir Joshua Meldrewe)
Died: 11 (jumped off the mast of the Lady Magdalena without a parachute, spontaneous combustion, brutally sacrificed by a druidic coven, blown to bits by a time bomb, incinerated myself with the Rod of Fire, electrocuted by the wrath of Zeus, crushed into a pancake, epic stealth fail, buried alive, put to the sword by guards, put to the sword by guards after another epic stealth fail)
Disembodied the entire universe: 1 (meddled with the Planck constant)
Total: 18

Shake the pole.

Is there any reason you're still including all of the maps?

Because most areas can be returned to, so I'm making all of the areas accessible visible. But maybe you're right. From now on, I'll only include the map of the current area and areas accessible from there. Thanks.

First of all, you should know that I decided to play through back to this point to get the five extra points from going outside the villa. All this really changes is that it adds a new possible line of dialogue to the conversation between the two druids. I'll show that off in the bonus updates. But for now, let's continue.

>shake pole
That's not a verb I recognise.


Well, that didn't work, but I will say that it's close to what to actually do. Can you figure out what that would be?

Puzzles:
Figuring out what to do in the tent.

Unexplored paths:
None.

Inventory:

• a pair of leather sandals (being worn)
• a yellow daisy (tucked behind your ear)

Score:
It is some time in the sixth century A.D., and you are in the Master Game. You have so far scored 519 out of a possible 550, in 1816 turns, giving you the rank of master Druid.

Map
a=Murky Cave (flaming torch)
b=Spur of Rock (down to Hanging on Rope)
c=Valley Prospect
d=Roman Villa
e=Atrium Cloister
f=Stream
g=Atrium
h=Entrance
i=Guard Quarters
j=Rough Tent (you are here)
k=Triclinium (down to Darkness)
l=Darkness (up to Triclinium)
m=Hypocaust

Deaths
Missed the point entirely: 5 (irritated Aunt Jemima by trying to steal her gardening gloves, gave up on the search, broke a pipe and had to call a plumber, lectured by Aunt Jemima for four hours, burned down most of the attic)
Spooked: 1 (haunted by the ghost of Sir Joshua Meldrewe)
Died: 11 (jumped off the mast of the Lady Magdalena without a parachute, spontaneous combustion, brutally sacrificed by a druidic coven, blown to bits by a time bomb, incinerated myself with the Rod of Fire, electrocuted by the wrath of Zeus, crushed into a pancake, epic stealth fail, buried alive, put to the sword by guards, put to the sword by guards after another epic stealth fail)
Disembodied the entire universe: 1 (meddled with the Planck constant)
Total: 18

> climb pole
> pole dance
> bite pole like a beaver

Push pole.

Well, we've already tried to climb the pole, but the other suggestions seem valid.

>pole dance
That's not a verb I recognise.

>bite pole
That's not a verb I recognise.

>push pole
Its base is in the earth.

Well, I had a feeling that the first wouldn't work, but I was at least expecting a response from the second. Anyway, if no one has posted the correct solution by tomorrow, I'll show it off then. I will say that it's actually pretty basic, if not entirely obvious.

So, wait, we can leave the Master Game and return to the present? I had the (apparently mistaken) impression that we were trapped here until we finished.

Also, I found it hilarious that we're going through all of this nonsense for a map of Paris because of an ancient druidic curse, but at least there's an explanation for our tenacity!

Do we want to wake the spy? I'm out of ideas otherwise.

position pole

pole, dance

pole, vault

Let's take the pole! And anything else that isn't tied down, we're text adventuring.

(No, hang on, the pole was already beat up pretty badly when they threw that guy into it, right? Let's just break the thing properly and see what happens next.)

We have tried many things that ought to damage the pole and none have worked. For some reason, we haven't tried the one thing known to damage the pole.

Throw the spy into the pole again.

You were not mistaken. We are, in fact, trapped here, as the map below should indicate. Anyway, on with the update! Teaspoon posted the correct solution, so let's do it.

>take pole
As you uproot the tent-pole, the whole tent collapses ignominiously, the animal hides falling about your head. The hides are heavy and weigh you down, but you just manage to crawl out...

Encampment
Luckily for you the tent, now collapsed, was hardly being watched at all, because all the attention is diverted to a ghastly ritual being carried out over beyond the camp-fires. But your luck cannot hold for long. You are so surrounded by hostile territory that you simply have nowhere to run or hide. Things are, not to put too fine a point on it, looking grim.

An erratic glacial rock, which seems in the feverish firelight to make a natural dolmen, can be made out to the east, on the other side of an almost-extinguished campfire of hot coals.

[Your score has just gone up by five points.]


Let's get away from here ASAP.

>e
You cross the hot coals nimbly in your sandals.

Beneath Dolmen
You stand beside the eerie dolmen, surrounded by the terrible noises and incantations of a druidic rite.

Resting on top of the dolmen is a polished blue stone.

[Your score has just gone up by five points.]


I have a feeling that that stone is important...so let's take it!

>take stone
Taken.

[Your score has just gone up by four points.]


Yep, it's important. After all, just taking it increased my score. But what to do now?

Puzzles:
None.

Unexplored paths:
None.

Inventory:

• a bluish stone
• a tent pole
• a pair of leather sandals (being worn)
• a yellow daisy (twitching behind your ear)

Score:
It is some time in the sixth century A.D., and you are in the Master Game. You have so far scored 533 out of a possible 550, in 1819 turns, giving you the rank of master Druid.

Map
a=Murky Cave (flaming torch)
b=Spur of Rock (down to Hanging on Rope)
c=Valley Prospect
d=Roman Villa
e=Atrium Cloister
f=Stream
g=Atrium
h=Entrance
i=Guard Quarters
j=Rough Tent/Encampment
k=Triclinium (down to Darkness)
l=Darkness (up to Triclinium)
m=Hypocaust
n=Beneath Dolmen (you are here)

Deaths
Missed the point entirely: 5 (irritated Aunt Jemima by trying to steal her gardening gloves, gave up on the search, broke a pipe and had to call a plumber, lectured by Aunt Jemima for four hours, burned down most of the attic)
Spooked: 1 (haunted by the ghost of Sir Joshua Meldrewe)
Died: 11 (jumped off the mast of the Lady Magdalena without a parachute, spontaneous combustion, brutally sacrificed by a druidic coven, blown to bits by a time bomb, incinerated myself with the Rod of Fire, electrocuted by the wrath of Zeus, crushed into a pancake, epic stealth fail, buried alive, put to the sword by guards, put to the sword by guards after another epic stealth fail)
Disembodied the entire universe: 1 (meddled with the Planck constant)
Total: 18

...wave the tent pole to see if it's a disguised rod? I notice the daisy is twitching again.

Might be worth examining the stone, too.

It might, indeed, be worth examining the stone.

>examine stone
You see nothing special about the bluish stone.


Well, something certainly has our Daisy of Magic Detection a-twitching, so let's wave the most rod-like thing we've got.

>wave pole
Light pulses from the daisy behind your ear, leaping out to engulf the tent pole which melts into the Rod of Returning!

[Your score has just gone up by six points.]


I have a feeling I know just what to do with this.

>point it at me
You are engulfed in a cloud of spinning white lights, like insects. When the swarm clears, you find yourself transported...

Infinity Symbol
A cave carved from crystal icicles of rock and glowing with vivid, golden light, so bright it almost hurts your eyes. A narrow crevice opens out to an iron doorway and the relative darkness of the house.

The rough stone floor levels out to a perfectly round, smooth white marble disc about five yards across, inscribed with a black lemniscus (or infinity) symbol.

You can see a daisy chain, an electric torch (which is closed), a canvas rucksack (in which are a gold watch on a chain, a bird whistle, a grey cloak, a purple sash, some old gardeners' gloves, a croquet mallet, a spade, a steel wrench, the Pan pipes, a mystic scroll, a strongbox (which is empty), a smooth round stone, a model of an animal so ugly you can't bear to look at it, a tube with a kappa on (which is empty), a papyrus fragment, a Tarot box (which is empty), an antique jewellery box (which is empty), a cracked medicine bottle (which is empty), a silk handkerchief, a gothic-looking iron key, a rusty iron key, a delicate gold key, a small brass key, seven Tarot cards (the Star, Maiden, Castle, Fool, Drowned Sailor, Ace of Cups and Grim Reaper), a postcard of the Champs-Elysees, Hobson's classical dictionary and the History of the Meldrews (vol. II)), a long wrought iron key and the Rod of Infinity here.

Around the edge of the disc is a circular arc, surrounding the lemniscus, which passes through nine equally spaced sockets or cylindrical wells. All nine sockets are occupied by rods.

And here's our stuff! After taking it back, what to do next time?

Puzzles:
None.

Unexplored paths:
None.

Inventory:

• a bluish stone
• a pair of leather sandals (being worn)
• a yellow daisy (twitching behind your ear)

Score:
This is the afternoon of June 3rd, 1993, and you are in Meldrew Hall. You have so far scored 539 out of a possible 550, in 1823 turns, giving you the rank of master Druid.

Map
Meldrew Hall, attic:
a=Attic (down to game over)
b=Old Winery
c=Aunt Jemima's Lair (wireless)
d=Servant's Room (scarf)
e=Potting Room (Aunt Jemima)
f=Old Furniture (wrapping paper)
g=Over the East Wing
h=Storage Room (wheel with handle, dumbwaiter leading to Cellar)
i=Disused Observatory (glass ball on telescope stand, smoke detector)
j=Airing Cupboard
k=Dark Room
l=East Annexe
m=Dead End (down/east to Beside the Drive)
n=Library Storage
o=Souvenirs Room (slide projector [contains The Castle], ship in a bottle)
p=Inside Cupboard (big iron fireplace, open skylight with crank handle, up to Roof)
q=Chimney (down to Priest's Hole)
r=Alison's Writing Room (bed)
s=Tiny Balcony
X=game over

Meldrew Hall, cellar:
a=Cellars (dumbwaiter to Dark Shaft)
b=Wine Cellars
c=Cellar West (locked door leading northwest, down to Hellish Place)
d=Cellars South (robot mouse, hole in wall)
e=Infinity Symbol (you are here; infinity symbol carving on floor)

Meldrew Hall, gardens and shaft area:
a=Garden Stream
b=Family Tree (plane tree, up to Up the Plane Tree)
c=Beside the Wall (potted shrub, one-way path down to Wine Cellar)
d=Lawn Ornaments (dark well too small to enter, miniature, weed killer bottle, prayer book, romantic novel, green branch, gas mask)
e=Mosaic [can be lagach-ed]
f=Clearing
g=Garage (garden roller)
h=Vegetable Garden (runner bean plant)
i=Maze
j=Viewpoint Ledge (plaque)
k=Dark Shaft (dumbwaiter to Storage Room)
l=Dark Passage
m=Patio in Maze (down to Crypt)
n=Sandstone Passage
o=The Octagon (window vent, gilded coffin used to identify rods, scroll)
p=White Hallway (painting of Mad Isaac Meldrewe [can be lagach-ed], elephant's foot umbrella stand)
q=Bricked Path
r=Halfway up the Stairs (up to Servant's Room)
s=Hedgery
t=Croquet Lawn (colored peg, wickets)
u=Summer House

Catacombs below the gardens:
a=Crypt (bronze mural [can be lagach-ed], up to Patio in Maze)
b=Jagged Passage
c=Catacombs (down to Universe Maintenance Room)
d=Contraption Room (sheet of dull amber-colored metal forming north wall, iron panel with 3x5 grid, see-saw of leather baskets, metal hand)
e=Charnel Passage
f=Sarcophagus
g=Contraption Reflection (same as in Contraption Room)
h=Inside the Orb (accessed by cleaning the golden orb)

Meldrew Hall, roof:
a=Roof (down to Inside Cupboard)
b=Battlements

Meldrew Hall, ???:
a=Priest's Hole (one-way path down to Cellar West)

Northeast of the House:
a=Beside the Drive (up/west to Dead End)
b=Public Footpath (down to Hollow)
c=Stone Cross (Old Evans with his lucky mascot)
d=Parish Church (passage into an underworld not meant for mortals)
e=East Side Chapel (statue of Diana)
f=West Side Chapel

Northeast of the House, Hollow:
a=Hollow (up to Public Footpath, one-way northwest path to Mosaic)

Unreal City:
a=Unreal City
b=Shadowy Hallway (up to Consulting Room)
c=Bohemia (mural [can be lagach-ed])
d=Down by River
e=Near Ring Road (down to Chatelet-les-Halles)
f=Chatelet-les-Halles (map salesman)
g=Consulting Room (down to Shadowy Hallway)
h=On board the Phlebas (saying "time" will take the protagonist to Garden Stream)

Alexandria:
a=Causeway
b=Island of Pharos (down to Jetty)
c=Crossroads
d=A Tower (door; "enter door" to go to Consulting Room)
e=Necropolis (tombstone with empty socket and word "GALITA", down to The Height of Fashion)
f=XIIth Dynasty Pyramid (writings [can be lagach-ed])
g=Outside the Royal Museum
h=The Birdcage of the Muses (pigeonhole)
i=Oil Room (trough of oil)
j=Reading Corridor
k=Geography Room
l=Librarian's Office
m=Outside the Theatre
n=Stadium
o=Outside the Royal Palace of Alexander
p=Lost inside the Palace
q=Lost inside the Palace (say "anoppe" to reach the Palace Balustrade)
r=Warehouses and Port (sailor, engraved die, skiff; enter skiff and type "sail" to go to Garden Stream)

Alexandria, tomb:
a=The Height of Fashion (up to Necropolis)
b=This Is The Death (blocked slope to the west)
c=Quite An Undertaking (sarcophagus; enter sarcophagus and close lid to go to Buried Alive)

Hamburg by night:
a=Museum of Arcana
b=Revolving Door
c=Hall of Exhibits (still life [can be lagach-ed])
d=Cabinet Room
e=Dark Staircase (down/south to...?)
f=Coven Cell (goat)

Deaths
Missed the point entirely: 5 (irritated Aunt Jemima by trying to steal her gardening gloves, gave up on the search, broke a pipe and had to call a plumber, lectured by Aunt Jemima for four hours, burned down most of the attic)
Spooked: 1 (haunted by the ghost of Sir Joshua Meldrewe)
Died: 11 (jumped off the mast of the Lady Magdalena without a parachute, spontaneous combustion, brutally sacrificed by a druidic coven, blown to bits by a time bomb, incinerated myself with the Rod of Fire, electrocuted by the wrath of Zeus, crushed into a pancake, epic stealth fail, buried alive, put to the sword by guards, put to the sword by guards after another epic stealth fail)
Disembodied the entire universe: 1 (meddled with the Planck constant)
Total: 18

As a free hint as to what to do next, the fact that the daisy behind my ear is still twitching isn't just a piece of mistranscription.

Is there something in all our gear we're still supposed to wave? Or just the Rod of Infinity? Can we try waving that now?

Despite not appearing special, the stone is pretty much the only thing that could be triggering the daisy's magic detection power, so let's give it a shot - especially since it's probably the magical stone that the druids mentioned in the Master Game.

>wave bluish stone
Light pulses from the daisy behind your ear, leaping out to engulf the bluish stone which melts into a fifty-franc note!

[Your score has just gone up by six points.]

Well, that's no tourist map, and it certainly wouldn't be especially useful in England. But where have we been where it might be useful?

Puzzles:
None.

Unexplored paths:
None.

Inventory:

• a fifty-franc note
• a pair of leather sandals (being worn)
• a yellow daisy (twitching behind your ear)

Score:
This is the afternoon of June 3rd, 1993, and you are in Meldrew Hall. You have so far scored 545 out of a possible 550, in 1824 turns, giving you the rank of master Druid.

Map
Meldrew Hall, attic:
a=Attic (down to game over)
b=Old Winery
c=Aunt Jemima's Lair (wireless)
d=Servant's Room (scarf)
e=Potting Room (Aunt Jemima)
f=Old Furniture (wrapping paper)
g=Over the East Wing
h=Storage Room (wheel with handle, dumbwaiter leading to Cellar)
i=Disused Observatory (glass ball on telescope stand, smoke detector)
j=Airing Cupboard
k=Dark Room
l=East Annexe
m=Dead End (down/east to Beside the Drive)
n=Library Storage
o=Souvenirs Room (slide projector [contains The Castle], ship in a bottle)
p=Inside Cupboard (big iron fireplace, open skylight with crank handle, up to Roof)
q=Chimney (down to Priest's Hole)
r=Alison's Writing Room (bed)
s=Tiny Balcony
X=game over

Meldrew Hall, cellar:
a=Cellars (dumbwaiter to Dark Shaft)
b=Wine Cellars
c=Cellar West (locked door leading northwest, down to Hellish Place)
d=Cellars South (robot mouse, hole in wall)
e=Infinity Symbol (you are here; infinity symbol carving on floor)

Meldrew Hall, gardens and shaft area:
a=Garden Stream
b=Family Tree (plane tree, up to Up the Plane Tree)
c=Beside the Wall (potted shrub, one-way path down to Wine Cellar)
d=Lawn Ornaments (dark well too small to enter, miniature, weed killer bottle, prayer book, romantic novel, green branch, gas mask)
e=Mosaic [can be lagach-ed]
f=Clearing
g=Garage (garden roller)
h=Vegetable Garden (runner bean plant)
i=Maze
j=Viewpoint Ledge (plaque)
k=Dark Shaft (dumbwaiter to Storage Room)
l=Dark Passage
m=Patio in Maze (down to Crypt)
n=Sandstone Passage
o=The Octagon (window vent, gilded coffin used to identify rods, scroll)
p=White Hallway (painting of Mad Isaac Meldrewe [can be lagach-ed], elephant's foot umbrella stand)
q=Bricked Path
r=Halfway up the Stairs (up to Servant's Room)
s=Hedgery
t=Croquet Lawn (colored peg, wickets)
u=Summer House

Catacombs below the gardens:
a=Crypt (bronze mural [can be lagach-ed], up to Patio in Maze)
b=Jagged Passage
c=Catacombs (down to Universe Maintenance Room)
d=Contraption Room (sheet of dull amber-colored metal forming north wall, iron panel with 3x5 grid, see-saw of leather baskets, metal hand)
e=Charnel Passage
f=Sarcophagus
g=Contraption Reflection (same as in Contraption Room)
h=Inside the Orb (accessed by cleaning the golden orb)

Meldrew Hall, roof:
a=Roof (down to Inside Cupboard)
b=Battlements

Meldrew Hall, ???:
a=Priest's Hole (one-way path down to Cellar West)

Northeast of the House:
a=Beside the Drive (up/west to Dead End)
b=Public Footpath (down to Hollow)
c=Stone Cross (Old Evans with his lucky mascot)
d=Parish Church (passage into an underworld not meant for mortals)
e=East Side Chapel (statue of Diana)
f=West Side Chapel

Northeast of the House, Hollow:
a=Hollow (up to Public Footpath, one-way northwest path to Mosaic)

Unreal City:
a=Unreal City
b=Shadowy Hallway (up to Consulting Room)
c=Bohemia (mural [can be lagach-ed])
d=Down by River
e=Near Ring Road (down to Chatelet-les-Halles)
f=Chatelet-les-Halles (map salesman)
g=Consulting Room (down to Shadowy Hallway)
h=On board the Phlebas (saying "time" will take the protagonist to Garden Stream)

Alexandria:
a=Causeway
b=Island of Pharos (down to Jetty)
c=Crossroads
d=A Tower (door; "enter door" to go to Consulting Room)
e=Necropolis (tombstone with empty socket and word "GALITA", down to The Height of Fashion)
f=XIIth Dynasty Pyramid (writings [can be lagach-ed])
g=Outside the Royal Museum
h=The Birdcage of the Muses (pigeonhole)
i=Oil Room (trough of oil)
j=Reading Corridor
k=Geography Room
l=Librarian's Office
m=Outside the Theatre
n=Stadium
o=Outside the Royal Palace of Alexander
p=Lost inside the Palace
q=Lost inside the Palace (say "anoppe" to reach the Palace Balustrade)
r=Warehouses and Port (sailor, engraved die, skiff; enter skiff and type "sail" to go to Garden Stream)

Alexandria, tomb:
a=The Height of Fashion (up to Necropolis)
b=This Is The Death (blocked slope to the west)
c=Quite An Undertaking (sarcophagus; enter sarcophagus and close lid to go to Buried Alive)

Hamburg by night:
a=Museum of Arcana
b=Revolving Door
c=Hall of Exhibits (still life [can be lagach-ed])
d=Cabinet Room
e=Dark Staircase (down/south to...?)
f=Coven Cell (goat)

Deaths
Missed the point entirely: 5 (irritated Aunt Jemima by trying to steal her gardening gloves, gave up on the search, broke a pipe and had to call a plumber, lectured by Aunt Jemima for four hours, burned down most of the attic)
Spooked: 1 (haunted by the ghost of Sir Joshua Meldrewe)
Died: 11 (jumped off the mast of the Lady Magdalena without a parachute, spontaneous combustion, brutally sacrificed by a druidic coven, blown to bits by a time bomb, incinerated myself with the Rod of Fire, electrocuted by the wrath of Zeus, crushed into a pancake, epic stealth fail, buried alive, put to the sword by guards, put to the sword by guards after another epic stealth fail)
Disembodied the entire universe: 1 (meddled with the Planck constant)
Total: 18

Er, Bohemia? I'm at a loss.

Your list of places includes a "map salesman" in "Chatelet-les-Halles" in the Unreal City. That sounds like the sort of man who would trade a fifty-franc note for a map of Paris!

*is horrible at adventure games*

You've got it. First, let's take back our stuff, though.

>take all
daisy chain: Taken.
electric torch: Taken.
canvas rucksack: Taken.
long wrought iron key: Taken.
Rod of Infinity: (putting the fifty-franc note into the canvas rucksack to make room)
Taken.
circular arc: That's hardly portable.
lemniscus: That's hardly portable.

Now, back to the Unreal City!

>se

Cellar West

In the northwest wall the ironbound door stands open.

>e

Cellars

There is a little closed window-vent low in the north wall.

>turn wheel
It spins round smoothly, and the dumbwaiter is hoisted into view.

>enter dumbwaiter
You get into the dumbwaiter.

The dumbwaiter hangs on strong pulley ropes which stretch up and down from here.

>pull ropes
You heave yourself half-way up, and then need to stop for a rest.

Dark Shaft (in the dumbwaiter)
Halfway up, or else halfway down, and a dreary place it is too: nothing but a dark corridor leading north.

The dumbwaiter hangs on strong pulley ropes which stretch up and down from here.

>stand
You get out of the dumbwaiter.

Dark Shaft

Inside the dark shaft is the old dumbwaiter.

>n

Dark Passage

A secret passage slants down to the east through a sandstone recess.

At the north end is a metal door, standing open.

>e

Sandstone Passage

>e

The Octagon

There is a little window-vent high in the southwest wall.

A rather morbid gilded model coffin rests open here.

Leaned against one of the eight corners is a ragged white parchment scroll.

>se

White Hallway

Mad Isaac's painting glares at you from the picture hook.

There's an old-fashioned elephant's foot umbrella stand beside the garden doorway.

>painting, lagach
A swirl of wind snakes out from the painting of Mad Isaac Meldrewe and whisks you away to...

Greek Frieze
A brown-tinted frieze, depicting hunters and spear-carriers, surrounds this dark stair-well, which has no exit except for a spiral staircase leading back up.

>frieze, lagach
A swirl of wind snakes out from the Greek frieze and whisks you away to...

Mosaic
This sunken corner of the garden has been excavated and then covered over with tough perspex to protect it from visitors' shoes. It consists of a time-worn Roman mosaic, divided into four quadrants, each showing scenes of idealised Roman life. There was probably a villa on this site, but your family has never been keen on archaeologists so the excavations went no further.

>mosaic, lagach
A swirl of wind snakes out from the Roman mosaic and whisks you away to...

Crypt
A dismal crypt, disused, rainswept and strewn with leaves. Light streams in from the square hole in the roof. There are no bones or urns on show.

The mural stands slightly to one side, revealing a passage leading downward.

>mural, lagach
A swirl of wind snakes out from the bronze mural and whisks you away to...

Bohemia
Flats occupied by starving-but-noble artists can be romantic and stylish despite the squalor. This one, however, is simply a one-room hovel, caked with paint, littered with brushes and improvised easels, and you can't help standing on tiptoe here.

One whole wall is an Impressionist mural painting of a waitress at a bar.

And now, to visit the map seller.

>w

Shadowy Hallway

You can see a poster here.

>s

Unreal City

You can almost make out the pleasant whining of a mandoline from a faraway bar.

>e

Near Ring Road

Drifting through the streets from some distant bar comes the sound of one of Scott Joplin's newfangled piano pieces, accompanying song settings from "Romeo and Juliet".

>d

Chatelet-les-Halles

Behind a kiosk, a surly-looking man is selling guide books and maps.

Could this be it?

>get note
(putting the daisy chain into the canvas rucksack to make room)
Taken.

>give note to man
He takes the money. "Q'est-ce que vous desirez?"

>say map
(to the surly shopkeeper)
He refuses to understand you, on principle.

Guess not. Anyone know what I should say to get the map? I

Puzzles:
Figuring out what to say to buy a map.

Unexplored paths:
None.

Inventory:
the Rod of Infinity
a long wrought iron key (unlocks the ironbound door in the basement)
a canvas rucksack (which is open, actually a bag of holding)

• a daisy chain (made from yellow daisies and causes certain objects to turn into featureless mahogany rods when waved)
• a gold watch on a chain
• a bird whistle
• a grey cloak (has multicolored lining)
• a purple sash
• some old gardeners' gloves
• a croquet mallet
• a spade
• a steel wrench
• the Pan pipes
• a mystic scroll
• a strongbox (which is open but empty)
• a smooth round stone (apparently magnetic)
• a model of an animal so ugly you can't bear to look at it
• a tube with a kappa on (which is empty)
• a papyrus fragment
• a Tarot box (which is open but empty)
• an antique jewellery box (which is open but empty)
• a cracked medicine bottle (which is open but empty)
• a silk handkerchief
• a gothic-looking iron key (opens the strongbox)
• a rusty iron key (unlocks the grating on the Island of Pharos)
• a delicate gold key (unlocks the jewellery box)
• a small brass key (unlocks the door from Dark Passage to Garden Stream and the trapdoor in Priest's Hole)
• seven Tarot cards: the Star, Maiden, Castle, Fool, Drowned Sailor, Ace of Cups and Grim Reaper
• a postcard of the Champs-Elysees
• Hobson's classical dictionary
• the History of the Meldrews (vol. II)

an electric torch (providing light and closed)
a pair of leather sandals (being worn)
a yellow daisy (tucked behind your ear)


Score:
It is early morning on October 5th, 1922, and you are in the Unreal City. You have so far scored 545 out of a possible 550, in 1846 turns, giving you the rank of master Druid.

Map
Meldrew Hall, attic:
a=Attic (down to game over)
b=Old Winery
c=Aunt Jemima's Lair (wireless)
d=Servant's Room (scarf)
e=Potting Room (Aunt Jemima)
f=Old Furniture (wrapping paper)
g=Over the East Wing
h=Storage Room (wheel with handle, dumbwaiter leading to Cellar)
i=Disused Observatory (glass ball on telescope stand, smoke detector)
j=Airing Cupboard
k=Dark Room
l=East Annexe
m=Dead End (down/east to Beside the Drive)
n=Library Storage
o=Souvenirs Room (slide projector [contains The Castle], ship in a bottle)
p=Inside Cupboard (big iron fireplace, open skylight with crank handle, up to Roof)
q=Chimney (down to Priest's Hole)
r=Alison's Writing Room (bed)
s=Tiny Balcony
X=game over

Meldrew Hall, cellar:
a=Cellars (dumbwaiter to Dark Shaft)
b=Wine Cellars
c=Cellar West (locked door leading northwest, down to Hellish Place)
d=Cellars South (robot mouse, hole in wall)
e=Infinity Symbol (infinity symbol carving on floor)

Meldrew Hall, gardens and shaft area:
a=Garden Stream
b=Family Tree (plane tree, up to Up the Plane Tree)
c=Beside the Wall (potted shrub, one-way path down to Wine Cellar)
d=Lawn Ornaments (dark well too small to enter, miniature, weed killer bottle, prayer book, romantic novel, green branch, gas mask)
e=Mosaic [can be lagach-ed]
f=Clearing
g=Garage (garden roller)
h=Vegetable Garden (runner bean plant)
i=Maze
j=Viewpoint Ledge (plaque)
k=Dark Shaft (dumbwaiter to Storage Room)
l=Dark Passage
m=Patio in Maze (down to Crypt)
n=Sandstone Passage
o=The Octagon (window vent, gilded coffin used to identify rods, scroll)
p=White Hallway (painting of Mad Isaac Meldrewe [can be lagach-ed], elephant's foot umbrella stand)
q=Bricked Path
r=Halfway up the Stairs (up to Servant's Room)
s=Hedgery
t=Croquet Lawn (colored peg, wickets)
u=Summer House

Catacombs below the gardens:
a=Crypt (bronze mural [can be lagach-ed], up to Patio in Maze)
b=Jagged Passage
c=Catacombs (down to Universe Maintenance Room)
d=Contraption Room (sheet of dull amber-colored metal forming north wall, iron panel with 3x5 grid, see-saw of leather baskets, metal hand)
e=Charnel Passage
f=Sarcophagus
g=Contraption Reflection (same as in Contraption Room)
h=Inside the Orb (accessed by cleaning the golden orb)

Meldrew Hall, roof:
a=Roof (down to Inside Cupboard)
b=Battlements

Meldrew Hall, ???:
a=Priest's Hole (one-way path down to Cellar West)

Northeast of the House:
a=Beside the Drive (up/west to Dead End)
b=Public Footpath (down to Hollow)
c=Stone Cross (Old Evans with his lucky mascot)
d=Parish Church (passage into an underworld not meant for mortals)
e=East Side Chapel (statue of Diana)
f=West Side Chapel

Northeast of the House, Hollow:
a=Hollow (up to Public Footpath, one-way northwest path to Mosaic)

Unreal City:
a=Unreal City
b=Shadowy Hallway (up to Consulting Room)
c=Bohemia (mural [can be lagach-ed])
d=Down by River
e=Near Ring Road (down to Chatelet-les-Halles)
f=Chatelet-les-Halles (map salesman; you are here)
g=Consulting Room (down to Shadowy Hallway)
h=On board the Phlebas (saying "time" will take the protagonist to Garden Stream)

Alexandria:
a=Causeway
b=Island of Pharos (down to Jetty)
c=Crossroads
d=A Tower (door; "enter door" to go to Consulting Room)
e=Necropolis (tombstone with empty socket and word "GALITA", down to The Height of Fashion)
f=XIIth Dynasty Pyramid (writings [can be lagach-ed])
g=Outside the Royal Museum
h=The Birdcage of the Muses (pigeonhole)
i=Oil Room (trough of oil)
j=Reading Corridor
k=Geography Room
l=Librarian's Office
m=Outside the Theatre
n=Stadium
o=Outside the Royal Palace of Alexander
p=Lost inside the Palace
q=Lost inside the Palace (say "anoppe" to reach the Palace Balustrade)
r=Warehouses and Port (sailor, engraved die, skiff; enter skiff and type "sail" to go to Garden Stream)

Alexandria, tomb:
a=The Height of Fashion (up to Necropolis)
b=This Is The Death (blocked slope to the west)
c=Quite An Undertaking (sarcophagus; enter sarcophagus and close lid to go to Buried Alive)

Hamburg by night:
a=Museum of Arcana
b=Revolving Door
c=Hall of Exhibits (still life [can be lagach-ed])
d=Cabinet Room
e=Dark Staircase (down/south to...?)
f=Coven Cell (goat)

Deaths
Missed the point entirely: 5 (irritated Aunt Jemima by trying to steal her gardening gloves, gave up on the search, broke a pipe and had to call a plumber, lectured by Aunt Jemima for four hours, burned down most of the attic)
Spooked: 1 (haunted by the ghost of Sir Joshua Meldrewe)
Died: 11 (jumped off the mast of the Lady Magdalena without a parachute, spontaneous combustion, brutally sacrificed by a druidic coven, blown to bits by a time bomb, incinerated myself with the Rod of Fire, electrocuted by the wrath of Zeus, crushed into a pancake, epic stealth fail, buried alive, put to the sword by guards, put to the sword by guards after another epic stealth fail)
Disembodied the entire universe: 1 (meddled with the Planck constant)
Total: 18

"Une carte de Paris".

French for a map of Paris. It's an idea.

> say "une carte du paris, por favor"

Today, we have two suggestions, both similar, and pretty much exactly what to say to the map vendor...except more complex than is necessary. So, let's do it.

>say carte
(to the surly shopkeeper)
Extremely reluctantly he serves you, giving you a tourist map of Paris.

[Your score has just gone up by one point.]


And...that's it! Now to finish this off the way it began.

>u

Near Ring Road

>w

Unreal City

>w

Down by River

Moored close to the bank is a glass-roofed tourist boat.

>w

On board the Phlebas

The hollow man mechanically says: "Where to, guv'nor? Me with my big mouth, I gone and done it again, calling you the guv'nor. I was down Margate Sands way once, had a bloke come on board, he thought any old destination would do, like a real place, like anywhere was real... We are the hollow men, I says, he didn't like that... Hurry up, please, it's time."

>say time
(to the hollow man)
You lose all sense of time and place as the boat drifts down river... It comes as a considerable relief to your befuddled nerves when the man helps you off the boat again, and you find yourself:

Infinity Symbol
A cave carved from crystal icicles of rock and glowing with vivid, golden light, so bright it almost hurts your eyes. A narrow crevice opens out to an iron doorway and the relative darkness of the house.

The rough stone floor levels out to a perfectly round, smooth white marble disc about five yards across, inscribed with a black lemniscus (or infinity) symbol.

Around the edge of the disc is a circular arc, surrounding the lemniscus, which passes through nine equally spaced sockets or cylindrical wells. All nine sockets are occupied by rods.

>se

Cellar West

In the northwest wall the ironbound door stands open.

>e

Cellars

There is a little closed window-vent low in the north wall.

>turn wheel
It spins round smoothly, and the dumbwaiter is hoisted into view.

>enter dumbwaiter
You get into the dumbwaiter.

The dumbwaiter hangs on strong pulley ropes which stretch up and down from here.

>pull ropes
You heave yourself half-way up, and then need to stop for a rest.

Dark Shaft (in the dumbwaiter)
Halfway up, or else halfway down, and a dreary place it is too: nothing but a dark corridor leading north.

The dumbwaiter hangs on strong pulley ropes which stretch up and down from here.

>g
You heave yourself up to the attic again...

Storage Room (in the dumbwaiter)
A disused storage room off the winery. In one wall is an opening onto an ominous dark shaft, and beside it is a big Victorian-steam-engine style wheel with a handle on.

You can see a crumpled piece of paper here.

The dumbwaiter hangs on strong pulley ropes which stretch up and down from here.

>stand
You get out of the dumbwaiter.

Storage Room

Inside the dark shaft is the old dumbwaiter.

You can also see a crumpled piece of paper here.

>w

Old Winery

You can see a labelled glass demijohn (which is empty) here.

>s

Attic

There is a closed trapdoor in the middle of the floor.

>open trapdoor
You open the hinged trapdoor.

>d
You have succeeded in shaking off the Curse of the Meldrews: for the first time in sixty generations, a Meldrew has found the useless object he was doomed to seek! Unfortunately on the way to the airport you realise that you left the map on the kitchen table in all the rush, but never mind, you're on holiday now.


*** You have won ***


In that game you scored 546 out of a possible 550, in 1861 turns, giving you the rank of master Druid.


And...that's it. Next time, I'll show off how to get those last few points, and some other interesting things we missed out on.

Puzzles:
None.

Unexplored paths:
None.

Inventory:
the Rod of Infinity
a long wrought iron key (unlocks the ironbound door in the basement)
a canvas rucksack (which is open, actually a bag of holding)

• a daisy chain (made from yellow daisies and causes certain objects to turn into featureless mahogany rods when waved)
• a gold watch on a chain
• a bird whistle
• a grey cloak (has multicolored lining)
• a purple sash
• some old gardeners' gloves
• a croquet mallet
• a spade
• a steel wrench
• the Pan pipes
• a mystic scroll
• a strongbox (which is open but empty)
• a smooth round stone (apparently magnetic)
• a model of an animal so ugly you can't bear to look at it
• a tube with a kappa on (which is empty)
• a papyrus fragment
• a Tarot box (which is open but empty)
• an antique jewellery box (which is open but empty)
• a cracked medicine bottle (which is open but empty)
• a silk handkerchief
• a gothic-looking iron key (opens the strongbox)
• a rusty iron key (unlocks the grating on the Island of Pharos)
• a delicate gold key (unlocks the jewellery box)
• a small brass key (unlocks the door from Dark Passage to Garden Stream and the trapdoor in Priest's Hole)
• seven Tarot cards: the Star, Maiden, Castle, Fool, Drowned Sailor, Ace of Cups and Grim Reaper
• a postcard of the Champs-Elysees
• Hobson's classical dictionary
• the History of the Meldrews (vol. II)
  an electric torch (providing light and closed)
  a pair of leather sandals (being worn)
  a yellow daisy (tucked behind your ear)

Score:
It is early morning on October 5th, 1922, and you are in the Unreal City. You have so far scored 545 out of a possible 550, in 1846 turns, giving you the rank of master Druid.

Map
Meldrew Hall, attic:
a=Attic (down to game over)
b=Old Winery
c=Aunt Jemima's Lair (wireless)
d=Servant's Room (scarf)
e=Potting Room (Aunt Jemima)
f=Old Furniture (wrapping paper)
g=Over the East Wing
h=Storage Room (wheel with handle, dumbwaiter leading to Cellar)
i=Disused Observatory (glass ball on telescope stand, smoke detector)
j=Airing Cupboard
k=Dark Room
l=East Annexe
m=Dead End (down/east to Beside the Drive)
n=Library Storage
o=Souvenirs Room (slide projector [contains The Castle], ship in a bottle)
p=Inside Cupboard (big iron fireplace, open skylight with crank handle, up to Roof)
q=Chimney (down to Priest's Hole)
r=Alison's Writing Room (bed)
s=Tiny Balcony
X=game over

Meldrew Hall, cellar:
a=Cellars (dumbwaiter to Dark Shaft)
b=Wine Cellars
c=Cellar West (locked door leading northwest, down to Hellish Place)
d=Cellars South (robot mouse, hole in wall)
e=Infinity Symbol (infinity symbol carving on floor)

Meldrew Hall, gardens and shaft area:
a=Garden Stream
b=Family Tree (plane tree, up to Up the Plane Tree)
c=Beside the Wall (potted shrub, one-way path down to Wine Cellar)
d=Lawn Ornaments (dark well too small to enter, miniature, weed killer bottle, prayer book, romantic novel, green branch, gas mask)
e=Mosaic [can be lagach-ed]
f=Clearing
g=Garage (garden roller)
h=Vegetable Garden (runner bean plant)
i=Maze
j=Viewpoint Ledge (plaque)
k=Dark Shaft (dumbwaiter to Storage Room)
l=Dark Passage
m=Patio in Maze (down to Crypt)
n=Sandstone Passage
o=The Octagon (window vent, gilded coffin used to identify rods, scroll)
p=White Hallway (painting of Mad Isaac Meldrewe [can be lagach-ed], elephant's foot umbrella stand)
q=Bricked Path
r=Halfway up the Stairs (up to Servant's Room)
s=Hedgery
t=Croquet Lawn (colored peg, wickets)
u=Summer House

Catacombs below the gardens:
a=Crypt (bronze mural [can be lagach-ed], up to Patio in Maze)
b=Jagged Passage
c=Catacombs (down to Universe Maintenance Room)
d=Contraption Room (sheet of dull amber-colored metal forming north wall, iron panel with 3x5 grid, see-saw of leather baskets, metal hand)
e=Charnel Passage
f=Sarcophagus
g=Contraption Reflection (same as in Contraption Room)
h=Inside the Orb (accessed by cleaning the golden orb)

Meldrew Hall, roof:
a=Roof (down to Inside Cupboard)
b=Battlements

Meldrew Hall, ???:
a=Priest's Hole (one-way path down to Cellar West)

Northeast of the House:
a=Beside the Drive (up/west to Dead End)
b=Public Footpath (down to Hollow)
c=Stone Cross (Old Evans with his lucky mascot)
d=Parish Church (passage into an underworld not meant for mortals)
e=East Side Chapel (statue of Diana)
f=West Side Chapel

Northeast of the House, Hollow:
a=Hollow (up to Public Footpath, one-way northwest path to Mosaic)

Unreal City:
a=Unreal City
b=Shadowy Hallway (up to Consulting Room)
c=Bohemia (mural [can be lagach-ed])
d=Down by River
e=Near Ring Road (down to Chatelet-les-Halles)
f=Chatelet-les-Halles (map salesman; you are here)
g=Consulting Room (down to Shadowy Hallway)
h=On board the Phlebas (saying "time" will take the protagonist to Garden Stream)

Alexandria:
a=Causeway
b=Island of Pharos (down to Jetty)
c=Crossroads
d=A Tower (door; "enter door" to go to Consulting Room)
e=Necropolis (tombstone with empty socket and word "GALITA", down to The Height of Fashion)
f=XIIth Dynasty Pyramid (writings [can be lagach-ed])
g=Outside the Royal Museum
h=The Birdcage of the Muses (pigeonhole)
i=Oil Room (trough of oil)
j=Reading Corridor
k=Geography Room
l=Librarian's Office
m=Outside the Theatre
n=Stadium
o=Outside the Royal Palace of Alexander
p=Lost inside the Palace
q=Lost inside the Palace (say "anoppe" to reach the Palace Balustrade)
r=Warehouses and Port (sailor, engraved die, skiff; enter skiff and type "sail" to go to Garden Stream)

Alexandria, tomb:
a=The Height of Fashion (up to Necropolis)
b=This Is The Death (blocked slope to the west)
c=Quite An Undertaking (sarcophagus; enter sarcophagus and close lid to go to Buried Alive)

Hamburg by night:
a=Museum of Arcana
b=Revolving Door
c=Hall of Exhibits (still life [can be lagach-ed])
d=Cabinet Room
e=Dark Staircase (down/south to...?)
f=Coven Cell (goat)

Deaths
Missed the point entirely: 5 (irritated Aunt Jemima by trying to steal her gardening gloves, gave up on the search, broke a pipe and had to call a plumber, lectured by Aunt Jemima for four hours, burned down most of the attic)
Spooked: 1 (haunted by the ghost of Sir Joshua Meldrewe)
Died: 11 (jumped off the mast of the Lady Magdalena without a parachute, spontaneous combustion, brutally sacrificed by a druidic coven, blown to bits by a time bomb, incinerated myself with the Rod of Fire, electrocuted by the wrath of Zeus, crushed into a pancake, epic stealth fail, buried alive, put to the sword by guards, put to the sword by guards after another epic stealth fail)
Disembodied the entire universe: 1 (meddled with the Planck constant)
Total: 18

Jesus, have you really been updating this thread for over a year? It sure doesn't seem that way.

Good job, regardless! I'm not sure I would have had the patience to keep at it for so long.

I call shenanigans.

You most certainly did not find the map of Paris in your attic. You went and bought one in some fantasy land that has a convenient portal in your attic. That is not the same at all.

And would it even be a tourist map of contemporary Paris?

That's a good point...but the game says I won, so who am I to argue? Anyway, first of all, scoring the last few lousy points. As you may recall, we never did get Evans' lucky mascot, and that's exactly where the last few points are. So, here's how to do it. Cutting the trip to the Stone Cross, then...

>take watch
(putting the long wrought iron key into the canvas rucksack to make room)
Taken.

>hypnotize evans
You set the gold watch swinging, back and forth, spinning the light. Old Evans, who is nine-tenths hypnotised most of the time anyway, succumbs easily.

>evans, give me the mascot
He looks at you in a hypnotic daze, and before you can say "How heartless I am" he obediently hands you the Moon.

[Your score has just gone up by three points.]

If you've been paying attention, you might have noticed that this only gets us up to 549 out of 550. This is intentional, since, as you may recall from the ending, the protagonist ends up leaving the map behind on the kitchen table anyway, and hence doesn't completely succeed, despite breaking the curse. Because of this, the final rank is "very nearly happy Tourist."

And...that's pretty much it. The only purpose of this card is to get you inside the church. If you feel like a jerk for hypnotizing an old man into giving you his most prized possession, there's something you can do to make up for it. Specifically, something involving that hideous model. So, let's show it off!

>s

Public Footpath

>sw

Beside the Drive

Wistaria climbs a desperately rickety fire escape up the east side of the Hall, and so might you: at the top the fire escape door into the attic is open.

>u
With your heart in your mouth, you scale the old fire escape once again, breathing a sigh of relief as you haul yourself in through the open hatchway at the top.

Dead End

A secret door stands open in the south wall!

A hatchway in the east wall, onto an old iron fire escape, is open and light floods in through it. (Some fool must have set the alarm off.)

>s

Alison's Writing Room

On the comfortable bed is a flag of the British Merchant Navy.

Black-latticed windows open on a beautiful summer's day.

There is a long vanity mirror beside the bed.

>take model
(putting the Rod of Infinity into the canvas rucksack to make room)
Taken.

>look in mirror
In the mirror is one of the most strikingly attractive people you have ever seen in all your born days, carrying a model of a mischievous-looking monkey, which wriggles as it comes alive, the Crescent Moon, a gold watch on a chain, a tourist map of Paris, a canvas rucksack, an electric torch, a pair of leather sandals and a yellow daisy.

Now that you have finally been able to look it in the eyes, the monkey leaps from your arms, revelling in its new life, and scampers away through the windows onto the balcony, then up and over the side of the house. You can just make it out as it races down the footpath.


And now, to see the effect of this. After cutting out the trip back to the stone cross...

>n

Dead End

A secret door stands open in the south wall!

A hatchway in the east wall, onto an old iron fire escape, is open and light floods in through it. (Some fool must have set the alarm off.)

>e
You clamber out onto a rickety ladder which runs right down the east wall of the Hall, and nervously descend...

Beside the Drive

Wistaria climbs a desperately rickety fire escape up the east side of the Hall, and so might you: at the top the fire escape door into the attic is open.

>ne

Public Footpath

>n

Stone Cross

The monkey sits on Evans' shoulder, cheeping with excitement. Evans has found a pet, and is so gruffly delighted that he has forgotten all about the mascot you stole. Now if he could only predict the 3.40 at Borchester Mills...

Old Evans, the village racing enthusiast, sits on the steps of the memorial, combing the back pages of his "Racing Times" newspaper.

Now, after beating the game, the game offers suggestions for some amusing things to try. So...let's try them!

Now, since Austin is stranded in ancient Egypt, we'll have to restore an old save file to do that. But, on doing so...

>w

Old Winery

You can see a robot mouse and a labelled glass demijohn (which is empty) here.

>z
Time passes.

(repeat ad nauseum)

>z
Time passes.

Austin sidles in from the attic.

>z
Time passes.

Austin plays with the robot mouse, kicking it wildly across the floorboards. It beeps piteously, hoping to be rescued.

Kind of dull, actually. But maybe the other amusing things will be more amusing?

First, we'll have to wait for Austin to go through the trap door. Then, after shutting it and waiting a while...

>z
Time passes.

There is a faint scratching noise at the trapdoor.

Hmmm...I'll try it with every door I can find.

Default responses:
>knock on trapdoor
There is no reply.

>ram door
Please don't ram anything. This computer only has limited RAM.

Any door in Meldrew Hall:
>ram trapdoor
For heaven's sake, this is your own house.


The door to the infinity symbol:
>knock on door
You bark your knuckles painfully on the iron, and to no avail.

The door to Madame Sosostris' tower:
>knock on door
The door shakes, and its old wood whispers "Sosostris, the Priest of Sosostris" in a falling echo.

Those are the only doors I could think of, but if you can remember any others, I'll gladly show any unique messages they might have.

There's no real reason to show off the Rod of Returning yet again, but here are all the others, including ones already seen. Luck...

>strike rod of luck
The rod charges with etherial power, drawn up from the earth through ley lines...

>point it at me
You feel optimistic and lucky. Mind you, you feel that most times.

Sacrifice...
>get rod of sacrifice
(putting the glowing golden orb into the canvas rucksack to make room)
Taken.

>strike it
The rod charges with etherial power, drawn up from the earth through ley lines...

>point it at me
You feel a noble surge of pride as your body is incinerated by the Rod. At least you died for some terribly important cause, although exactly what it was seems to have slipped your mind.


*** You have died ***

Ice...
>get rod of ice
(putting the Rod of Returning into the canvas rucksack to make room)
Taken.

>strike it
The rod charges with etherial power, drawn up from the earth through ley lines...

>point it at me
You feel a sudden chill.

Fire...
>get rod of fire
(putting the Rod of Luck into the canvas rucksack to make room)
Taken.

>strike it
The rod charges with etherial power, drawn up from the earth through ley lines...

>point it at me
Oh dear. Like Mad Isaac before you, you have spontaneously combusted!


*** You have died ***


Stalking...
>get rod of stalking
(putting the long wrought iron key into the canvas rucksack to make room)
Taken.

>strike it
The rod charges with etherial power, drawn up from the earth through ley lines...

>point it at me
Your hair stands momentarily on end, as if it wants to stalk up out of your head, but happily it decides against.

Infinity...
>get rod of infinity
(putting the Rod of Sacrifice into the canvas rucksack to make room)
Taken.

>strike it
The rod charges with etherial power, drawn up from the earth through ley lines...

>point it at me
You acquire no especial sense of the infinite.

Husbandry...
>get rod of husbandry
(putting the Rod of Ice into the canvas rucksack to make room)
Taken.

>strike it
The rod charges with etherial power, drawn up from the earth through ley lines...

>point it at me
You feel suddenly obedient, and briefly fancy a dog biscuit.

and Bronze.
>get rod of bronze
(putting the Rod of Fire into the canvas rucksack to make room)
Taken.

>strike it
The rod charges with etherial power, drawn up from the earth through ley lines...

>point it at me
You acquire a sudden sun tan, but it soon fades.


Asking the demon about Heaven:
>ask demon about heaven
The demon acknowledges the question, but cannot bring himself to speak of Heaven.

Asking the demon about Hell:
>ask demon about hell
"Hell? Oh this isn't your eternal damnation, it's mine, having to answer all these wretched questions. No, Hell itself is a marvellous place, and it has an excellent health club too. Look forward to seeing you there."

As for the angel, I'll be showing that off next update.

I wonder if it's actually in the in-game dictionary?

>consult dictionary about ekmek
The Ekmek Special is a delicacy still served to this day by the Eraina Taverna, Free School Lane, Cambridge, England. Much prized by itinerant mathematicians.

But I don't know where I can get one, or how to make it, so let's skip it.

Well, I'm good at coming up with locations...but plots and puzzles, not so much. So, I'll have to give that one a miss.

Next time, showing off some of the death messages we missed, and how to meet the angel!

Addendum:
Apparently it is.

>x map
Just the way you remember yours having been.

As I mentioned earlier, there are quite a few death messages that I was (un?)fortunate enough to avoid thanks to your guidance. Here they are, along with how to get them.

Use the Rod of Sacrifice on white instead of black.

Return to the Folly after taking the bean pole, or leave the foundations of the maze.

Take the bomb without defusing it.

Drop anything in the maze.

"Swim" twice at Sea Shore, hence replacing Andromeda as the sacrifice to the Kraken.

Now, as I mentioned, there is an angel in this game as a counterpart to the demon. But how to get to heaven, you may ask? Well, there is a bean plant...and we have the Rod of Stalking...

>get rod of stalking
(putting the antique jewellery box into the canvas rucksack to make room)
Taken.

>strike it
The rod charges with etherial power, drawn up from the earth through ley lines...

>point it at plant

Warning: something extremely cliched is about to happen. When you think you have composed yourself and can stand it, press ENTER. >

I think I can take it. After pressing ENTER...

Suddenly an enormous beanstalk sprouts out of the ground, exactly as per fairy tale, reaching up high into the sky! You yawn convulsively.

Nice bit of lampshade hanging there, Graham. But when there's a beanstalk, what else to do but climb it?

>u

Up the Beanstalk
At the top of the beanstalk, in amongst the clouds. There is no safe way to go from here except back down, not surprisingly. A dangerous way might be to step out onto the clouds to the north, but even if this is a fairy-tale it would be taking a lot on trust.

>n

Heavenly Place
Heaven, you always imagined, would be a world of marble pillars, fluffy clouds, harps and angelic ladies with serene expressions. You were right about the last part. An angel is sitting here behind some new office furniture, next to a blue Tourist Information sign. A bridge of cloud extends south across the sky to the beanstalk. There is some choral singing going on somewhere, but not loud enough for you to hear properly. Not in this life, anyway.

"Good day," says the angel with a memorable smile. "As a reward for your act of faith, may I welcome you to our little information service. We try to be as helpful as possible to explorers who are lost, or can't think how to solve their problems. Is there anything, pray, which you would like a hint about, or which you'd like to show me? You are permitted three hints in all, in accordance with standard practice."

Angels with harps float by, gossiping about you in a kindly way.


The angel is the other half of the hint system - the devil will give you bad advice, whereas the angel will give you good advice. Now, the game suggested asking the angel about heaven and hell, so let's do it.

>ask angel about heaven
"Heaven? Oh this isn't your eternal salvation, it's mine, able to serve by answering all these delightful questions. No, Heaven itself is a marvellous place, and it has an excellent health club too. Look forward to seeing you there."


>ask angel about hell
The angel acknowledges the question, but cannot bring herself to speak of Hell.


Next update, I'll show off the other "amusing things," which aren't really things to do so much as fun facts about the game. Until then!