It's not how giant your mecha is, it's how you pilot it. Let's Play Custom Robo!

Hey kids!

Let's play Custom Robo!

So, Custom Robo is a game about robots, of course. The series has been around in Japan since the N64, but it made its international (read: NA) debut on the Gamecube, with the title Custom Robo: Battle Revolution. Which is, incidentally, the version I'm playing. Sorry, people who expected an N64 game with moonrunes, but that's what we've got. Anyway, the game is kind of like Armored Core meets Pokemon: you gather parts with which to customize a robo, and then send it into battle with others. You'll see what I mean as we go. If I'm lucky, I might even manage to record video this time, as my tech slowly improves past the era of the VHS.



Of course, no robo-battling game is complete without a versus mode, but we'll be playing the story mode, mostly due to a lack of friends. :<



By which I mean the first story mode. Custom Robo has a normal story, A New Journey, which will get us enough parts to gradually build up to a viable robo on our own, and then the Grand Battle, which is a series of tournaments that offer a truckload of new parts to mess around with, but that would get real repetive, real quick.



Our story starts in the past, when people only had tape recorders and no form of camera available.



A kid's picking up a phone call from his dad, who wants to see him outside, apparently ASAP.



Once he does so, the dad gives him a swanky new watch as a birthday gift. The kid is, understandably, overjoyed.



The dad also makes a very specific request to the kid to never remove the watch. Which he has no problems with, but it kinda stands out.



And then he leaves. Well, that was fast.



The kid is more than a little disappointed by this.



Hang on, this is sounding more like a deathbed conversation than a guy hard at work.



Now I want to know, too. Where is Mystery Dad headed?



Oh. Well, that explains everything.



Hey, you have a portrait. Get outta here, old lady!



Oh, wait, dream sequence, not flashback. Damn, I always mix those up.



Actually I'm pretty sure that's exactly what not working entails. Anyway, we're in a room! It has a bed and an old lady and a guy who sleeps in pajamas without blankets!

Oh, yeah, a job interview would be a good reason to get up.



Steel Hearts? The hell kinda place is that, a karaoke bar?



Anyway, now that gray haired kid is up, gray haired lady leaves.



He groggily walks over to the closet...



Walks behind it...



And emerges decked out in a denim jacket, a bunch of weird wrist things, and Duster's pants. Okay!



Maybe it's a karaoke bar in the Shadowrun setting. I mean, we're playing Custom Robo, we're halfway there.



Anyway, this is our protagonist. No name yet, but we'll probably fix that at the interview.



Yeah, the letter read something along the lines of "HELLO, I DIED, BECOME GOOD AT CUSTOM ROBOS PLZKTHX".



Guess that tearful (or so we can assume) goodbye happened when he was having his brain rotted by the televisions and the videogames.



Hey, least he left us a heap of money. Enough to survive with only our landlady acting as a mother figure. Unless he moved out before getting a job or something I dunno.



And it doesn't hurt that he's optimistic. He's going to follow his dad's dying wishes, and become a robo commander. Also, wear a cool watch, apparently.



Come on, Lucy. Inference is not that hard.



Nevertheless, Nameless von Karma explains it.

All tutorial stuff like this is in green, and added to the glossary to look up later. Which we never will.



Lucy wishes us luck and offers her support, despite being the landlady. Well, that's nice!

Our first act after leaving our apartment is to barge into this neighboring one.



Inside, two chubby kids are engaging in telepathic war, while even chubbier parents watch them.

We don't technically have to go here, but I did. You can actually go to a lot of places that the game only requires you to head to once, and the NPCs will have new things to say. A nice touch, and I'll do this when I can, but I make no guarantees as to actually posting it unless I find it suitably hilarious. And this game does have a few amusing hidden things like that to it.



In this case, though, it's just an early introduction to the neighbors. Will here wants to be a bounty hunter...



Wendy wants to be a cop...



And the dad, Walt, wants his family to not spend so much on robos. Apparently they're expensive. Well... maybe we can get one issued at the job.



At least the family's supportive of us too. Why does the wife not have a name, though?



No getting in here, though. In fact, we can't enter here for the duration of the story mode we're playing. Buttons.



okay fiiiine we'll stop rooting around in other apartments and go interview for a job



The overworld is simple enough. New locations pop up as the story dictates. We start with access to our apartment and the Steel Hearts HQ.



The interior seems... informal. Not a lot of people in here.



We go talk to the guy on the couch here, Harry, first. He has no idea how to wear overalls.



He points us in the direction of the bossman, though.



He's a big, tough-looking guy. Wonder if he'll be harsh on our interview.



There's a bunch of points like this in-game where you get three dialogue options of varying accuracy/humor. In our case, we play it honest with regards to his question about whether we've ever been a bounty hunter before.



Okay, maybe we shouldn't be too enthusiastic about our novicehood.

Ernest next asks us if we have a robo. Unfortunately, our watch is not secretly a robo, and we haven't really got the scratch to buy one of our own.



See that face? That is a frustrated face.

I'll try to screenshot all the facial expressions as they come up, since they're varying levels of amusing/ANIMOOY.



Looks like our interview isn't going too well, though. Ernest seems to have been looking for a more seasoned applicant. Damn you, prior work experience!



Go soak your head, Harry.



The boss also tells him off, earning a look of... I have no idea what. What the hell kind of face is that Harry.



Well, balls. We gotta think of something, or we're toast!



I'd prefer to not rely on Harry for opportunities, though. He's not exactly got a winning personality here.



I love you too, jackass.



Maybe we can get the job some other way...



Well, they always say to advertise your strong points in interviews, and we can make a MEAN omelette.



You have no culinary sense, Ernest. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MISSING OUT ON



I'm not going to cook for you if I don't get the job, Harry. Eggs are cheap, but not THAT cheap.



Damn. Okay, next place, then...



Suddenly, a phone!



Ernest picks up, all business.

Well. His hardass persona just melted right away.



Hey, if you fire Harry, can we have his robo and/or job?



A nice touch to this game is that it does the same trick as Animal Crossing, where the characters make speaking-like sounds with each letter. These sounds vary from person to person, and increase or decrease in volume alongside the font. Ernest, of course, has a very gruff-sounding BOH BOH BOH BOH.



In any case, it sounds like they've got work. Burglary, eh?



Guess there's a rivalry between the cops and bounty hunters.



Oooh, a lab! Maybe I'll apply there next and see if they can design me a robo...



Harry continues being an exemplar of diligence and good faith by being swayed into action at the hint of a woman.



Oh. He thinks we'll be too scared to be a bounty hunter if we see what they do firsthand. Dude, I am SO over you guys right now. Screw this, I'm going to be a scientist.



I ain't happy with it either.



Yeah, see, if it's a robo research lab, I can get issued a robo and become a commander. I'm only following you because getting a job is all about contacts and connections.



Although if I was hiring guys, I don't know if I'd take his references.



He warns us not to try any funny business while we're there. Hey, if I see an opening, for a job or a lady, I'll take it.



You are the very epitome of the pot calling the kettle horny.



When we get on the scene, the place is a wreck. Boxes are strewn everywhere, and masked burglars have psychic duels with policemen everywhere. How come we don't have psychic powers?



The one cop not being a psychic greets us in about as friendly a way as ever.

Nice comeback.



Uh-huh. Next you'll be telling us you're a treasure hunter.



Anyway, the cop decides to spend time mocking us, saying they don't need our help even though Harry says we're here on assignment.



Yeah, see, she called us over!



Yeah, the scientist in fishnets and a tight skirt!

...Y'know, I think Ernest might be the best-dressed character yet.



Sure you do, big guy.



Anyway, Linda ignores Harry's catcalls and tells him to go beat up some burglars, totally ignoring the cop.



note to self: steal this



Eh, I'd say it's about equal. All the burglars but one are locked down in psychic duels, and this cop's doing jack-all to help.



This is the closest thing Harry has to a "serious" portrait. Which, in all fairness, does make him look pretty serious.



Anyway, the burglar is unimpressed with Harry's army clothes and improper overalls.



Cuz, y'know, that sounds like the kind of profession you introduce yourself to people with.



You just got called a mercenary scumbag by a guy currently in progress with a burglary. Dude.



This is actually in response to the burglar asking if he wants a fight, not the mercenary scumbag remark. I just thought it was funny.



...Sure, okay. Don't hurt yourself.

The burglar recognizes the name Steel Hearts, at least.



After another forceful confirmation that they're actually bounty hunters, Harry goes into a psychic duel as well.



For reasons I cannot fathom, Linda seems to place her faith in Harry for the meantime. Maybe he's really good at those psychic duels?



Speaking of, why don't we ask about them?



Well, we're right about the dueling bit.



But yeah, I can't actually see either side getting an upper hand, or reacting to the other, or really doing anything at all.



Linda informs us that they're indeed fighting, and with custom robos to boot. But we can't see them (which also means we can't loot one off of the burglars).



Holowhatnow?



Oh, the psychic orbs are actually where the robos fight. Okay.



In that case, please direct us to the nearest stealable robo.



Turns out robos exist in cube form outside of fights.



Right, we did come with Harry, so she thinks we're a bounty hunter.



Which we most assuredly are. Yes. Do not panic.



Oh, you'll pay me?



In that case, by all means, we'll go assist our comrade Harry!

...Next time. Damn but first updates to LPs are long. Anyway. For our next update, we'll need a name for our questionably-moral kid with a cool watch following in his dad's footsteps to become a robo commander. Anything from the Final Fantasy X thread is right out, although the 8 character limit still applies. If nobody comes up with anything, I'll default to the name "Caduceus" for injoke reasons.

Next Time: A SHINING FIGHTER LIKE A RAY OF LIGHT!

Name him "Rummy".

No reason.

Witwicky

Tylor.

Red 5.

with combatants you can easily defeat by stepping on them!

I love this game but it's seriously one of the craziest "We don't bother with human weapons because we have these!" worlds I've ever seen.

Man I'm totally down for some versus Robo. I've got skills with the lock-on triple shot that will make your eyes bleed. Or something. It's been a while since I actually played the game.

While true, it doesn't get really nuts until the end, when you learn that the extra-dimensional apocalyptic nightmare monster took the form of a childs toy for no damn reason other then to justify being able to fight it with a Custom Robo.

Title get!

I love the portraits of these characters. So expressive, I'm glad they aren't static bland ones.

Name him R.O.B.

Failing that try "pleasant", because adjectives lead to some interesting conversations and map locations ("Pleasant Home")

I would be completely up for this if I was playing on something that afforded netplay! But I am instead running the game off of the Wii. Which, incidentally, means that if I record video (which I probably will anyway) then the audio quality will be atrocious, so I'll probably just cut it out and put chiptunes or something over it.

Also, I have no objections to naming the guy after an adjective, considering a certain Joker wannabe.

OH, just thought of a different name. I'd like to change my choice to boss,

Who's to say we even need a name? The neighbour's wife doesn't even have one, wtf. Let's go with ???.

Actually, you'd be surprised at how many of the NPCs in this game do have names, but they just rarely come up. I have no idea why Carmen (that would be the neighbor wife's name) hasn't got her name listed.

Anyway, I think I'm going to go with Boss as the name, not just because of injokes, but because I like the idea of a guy who's patronizing nickname his dad left him somehow became so persistent that it's now the only thing people know him by.

I picked boss just so that his boss would call him boss.

There is only one possible answer here!

In the grand tradition of names like "Woman" (and for the sake of referencing Snow Crash at every opportunity), we must name him Protagonist.

Hiro P is an acceptable second choice if that's too long.

Unfortunately, we can't exactly take this robo without getting everyone's attention. So let's just help Harry win his psychic robo duel.



IM HELPING



Oh, whoops. I guess trying to get Harry's attention during a psychic robo duel is a bad idea.



Harry gets his ass kicked so hard with our distraction that he's sent flying backwards into the pile of boxes, knocking Ray 01 to the ground.



I was trying to provide moral support! Don't be mean!



You stay out of this!



Anyway, at the very least if we have Harry's robo, we can use that to fight (and win, of course).



Since we're not registered by our retinal scan or whatever, though, it'd be more effective to bludgeon the burglar with the cube form.



The burglar, unimpressed with our bickering, starts to make an escape...



But we have PLANS now.



Granted, we still don't know how to drive this thing...



But I think we can push a button on our own. Tap!



Oh. That's convenient. The cube buzzes, getting Harry's attention and apparently performing the registration.



Like Harry said, only the guy who's been registered can use a robo. And even if Ray 01 is a fresh prototype, it should still be workable! Unless it blows up in our hands. I'm not much of one to trust in Hollywood definitions, and prototypes scare the hell out of me.



The burglar doesn't seem too scared by all this going on.

On the other hand, fighting this guy should be easy, if losing the fight is enough to send a guy flying onto his back. From what it looked like, it was a pretty close match.



Harry starts tutorialing it up, but I mostly ignore him, because I can explain the game way more effectively than he can, at least initially.



Whenever the game provides a tutorial before a fight, you usually have three options: yes, no, and miscellaneous. The last one is usually reserved for jokes, but it will cause the NPC in question to repeat the tutorial, so I won't be choosing it unless it's suitably funny.



At least his cheering is amusing.



So, before the fight, you get a view of the enemy robo you're about to fight.



You're then taken to the preparations screen, where you can modify your robo, view the other participants, or check the arena. Also, strategic advice you may have received from tutorials in-game if you really want.



As should be expected, we start out with a vanilla Ray 01 robo, decked out in Standard gear. Robos have five parts: body, gun, bomb, pod, and leg. However, we don't have any other parts, so this is what we have. Which isn't really bad.

Ray 01 is part of the Shining Fighter line of robos. Each robo line has a balanced, speed, and defense model, and Ray 01 is the balanced one. It's good enough to work for most of the game, but you'll probably want something better suited to your playstyle later.

Our Basic gun, unfortunately, isn't as good. We'll want to replace it right quick, as it's too hard to hit with for too little payoff.

As for our bomb and pod, both Standard models are actually respectable middle-of-the-road additions to really any robo, but like with the Ray 01 body, I'll try swapping them out for something better.

The Standard legs, though, are placeholders in every sense of the word. We're ditching them at the first opportunity.



Our opponent is commanding a Splendor robo. It's a Shining Fighter like Ray 01, but it's the defensive variant, meaning it's slower than us by a bit, but sturdier. It may also have hidden bonuses against towers, but we're never going to test that. Ever.



As for the arena, it looks futurey and stuff! Yeah, not much to say here.



So let's just get right into the fight!

The first part of the fight has you in these robo cannons that start in the center of the field. You can aim them during the countdown, and when it hits 0 your robo cube will be blasted out.



Once the cube lands, you have a brief countdown before your robo completely activates. Mash controller buttons to speed up the countdown, and then go after your opponent! You can even shoot them while they're still in cube form!



Like so!

As Harry said, the goal of any given Custom Robo fight is to take your opponent out. You both start at 1000 health, and have guns, bombs, and pods you can use against each other. Additionally, Ray 01 has two airdashes it can use to evade shots, advance, or get behind cover, and a close-range charge move that knocks the other robo down, while also rendering you temporarily immune to shots. It's kind of hard to get the idea of what's going on in screenshots, sadly.



Anyway, with both robos outfitted with nothing but Standard gear, the only real factor is whether the first enemy's AI can compare to my skills. Clearly, it cannot.



Ray 01 strikes a victory pose! These actually vary between robos, and some of them are used as animations for the non-robo characters in the game. Ray 01's victory poses are straight out of a Power Rangers team pose, so seeing normal characters do that same pose is... a little bizarre.



Like with Harry, our fight is so crazy that that last charge knocked the burglar right out. Hooray!

Even Harry is impressed.



Unfortunately, the burglars appear to be getting the upper hand. Since Harry's in no condition to fight alongside us, we'll have to handle this guy ourselves.



Looks like he's tired out too. I think we can handle this.



Harry continues his tutorial as well.



Huh, that's a pretty different robo.



The Metal Ape here isn't a Shining Fighter, but rather one of the Metal Grappler set of robos. Metal Grapplers have poor mobility, as well as only a single airdash, but most of them make up for it with exceptional attack and defense, easily coming ahead in a straight-up slugfest. Unfortunately for this guy, the Metal Ape, despite being the balanced model, suffers from subpar attack scores, even being beaten out by Ray 01. It still has enough defense to take a hell of a beating, though.



Anyway, bombs and pods! As you no doubt have figured out by now, your gun is the thing you shoot the enemy robo with to make them boom! However, this is made complicated by the other robo weaving in and out of cover like a tricksy bastard. That's where these come in. Bombs (pictured here) can arc over cover and have large explosive radii, enough to pin down most robos if not outright stop them in their tracks. Similarly, pods are basically roving suicide drones that follow AI depending on the pod in question, which can also stop an opponent!



If, after all these explosions, the other robo is still standing, or if you screw up and hit yourself with them, you can just bum rush them with your gun and charge attacks and hope to knock them down. Doing so stuns the robo temporarily, letting you take a few cheap shots, albeit at reduced damage.



After a short time, though, they enter what probably should have been called the Reboot phase, where they're temporarily immune to all attacks. So it's important to know when to go in for more cheap shots, and when to back off, setting pods as traps.



This becomes much more important with later parts, which have some really weird trajectories that warrant proficient use of bombs and pods.



Anyway yeah, this happened!



During our fight, though, another cop bit the dust.



I'm sure she'll be impressed that you gave up halfway through a burglary just to see her.

...I'm not sure if I'm being sarcastic or not here.



Yes, Harry neglects to mention how to jump until the third fight. This is partly because he also covers the nuances of airdashing and charge attacks here.



They can be summarized as per the above.

Fun fact: this guy's also commanding a Splendor robo! They're pretty common early on. However, the game has two ways of differentiating between otherwise-identical types of equipment.



For bombs and pods, you can get variants of specific parts with different explosions! This bomb is a Standard F sort, which means it's mostly identical to the Standard bomb, save for a few numerical tweaks and an explosion type that has a different shape and trajectory.



And for bodies, you can palette swap! Each robo has a default color scheme, and you can apply one of red, blue, green, or yellow color schemes to them. I'm partial to the blue color scheme if I don't particularly like the default scheme for a given robo.



Anyway, the different bomb types are on display here. The column is from his Standard F bomb, while the two round explosions are from the pods I launched earlier.



New explosion types aside, we pretty handily kick this guy's ass, too.



Also, we got a thing!



Yeah, I'm inclined to agree with you there, Harry. I mean, you lost too, but that was mostly our fault.



Anyway, time for a thing!



Remember this machine? It's been in a few places, including our room, but this is the first time we're actually going to use it.



See, you don't get new parts right after fights. Due to a long string of incoherent technobabble, after winning certain fights, new parts are available from the parts generator. All you have to do is walk right up to it and examine it, and you get the parts. Yes, it is an extra step in the process for no reason.

Anyway, we pick up the Twin Flank F pod. It only fires once, unlike our two-seater Standard pod, but it fires two pods at once to either side, which move forward after that. It's good for cornered enemies.



Tough it out, you just got roughed up a bit.



Guess this guy's the leader. Still looks tired, but he might pose a threat.



Harry finishes up the tutorials for today with one final enthusiastic... something.



Whoa. That's a tough-looking robo.



For this fight, I put on the new Twin Flank F pod. I don't really have enough parts to have a cohesive build yet (not that I ever have a cohesive build) but it's something new.

Speaking of something new, our opponent's decked out in some fairly intimidating stuff!

The Metal Bear, surprising no one, is another Metal Grappler, in particular the defensive model. Unlike the Metal Ape, though, the Metal Bear has excellent offensive properties, doing tons of damage with its normal shots. And it's even more durable than the Metal Ape, too! It's a bit slower, but at this stage, that's not an issue.

He's also packing a 3-Way gun, which is basically the same as the Basic gun except for the part where it fires three shots per three-shot volley, for a total of nine shots. Since gunshots tend to have slight homing properties, this makes this a slightly better long-range weapon, since our odds of getting hit are much higher at that distance than with the Basic gun. Still, it's not nearly as scary as the Metal Bear.

As for the Feint F pods, these are a bit trickier than the normal pod. If my recollection is right, they tend to slow massively when they get near the opponent, exploding upon contact. This makes them into makeshift walls, great for fencing an opponent in.

Anyway, this fight, I actually didn't screenshot. Instead, I tried recording it, like so:

Burglar Leader Fight

Yeah, the video quality is terrible, and my setup can't capture audio so I put some chiptunes in instead. But you get the idea of what an actual robo fight looks like now, right? A few things to note: first, your ground speed has an acceleration. For Ray 01, it starts out pretty bland, but we can reach a pretty impressive clip after a while. Second, you can't actually shoot while performing an air dash. And third, I kinda suck at bombs and pods so I like to abuse charge attacks.



Anyway, we won! We took out all the burglars! Granted, this is the equivalent of letting your level 20 paladin soften up the enemy so your level 1 mage can get the kill in Fire Emblem, but SHUT UP WE ARE AWESOEM.



After everyone starts cleaning up, a police officer in an interesting uniform comes by to see if Harry's doing okay, promptly freaking him the hell out.



This is Mira! She apparently knows Harry and thinks he's not living up to his potential.



She says he should join the police, but Harry claims he hates studying.



Uh, you are aware you're wearing forest camo with half of your overalls on, right?



Another named cop, Roy, walks over and reports.



Yes, we get it, there is a rivalry between the police and bounty hunters.



Huh, they live together?



I never figured Harry would be capable of hooking up with someone...



I guess it takes all kinds, right?



Oh. Yeah, that makes more sense, especially considering he didn't hit on her at all.



Speaking of hitting on people, let's talk to Linda!



Yeah, that's more like Harry.



I am a masked enigma that stalks the night!

Wait, for free? And all you'll do is analyze my performance? Score!



Yeah, speaking of, will you be paying me for QA testing?



Oh. Well, I did say getting a job was all about connections, and if Linda's going to recommend us, then we're as good as hired!



Yeah, that never really came up, did it?



Well, you all know what I'm going for now.



I'm the authoritative type, see? Even though this nickname and my watch is all my dad's left me, it's become such a common nickname that people just know who I am. I'm the boss.



It never fails to amuse when I tell people "Just call me Boss", though.



Also, it leads to some really weird situations with regards to social hierarchy.



Calling it now: Harry's "wut" face on a Percy.



Anyway, we got a free robo and a job recommendation! And all we had to do was outperform the entire police force.



Yes, Harry, thank you for the congratulations.



I already explained it.



Also yeah, we have one.



This apparently is a huge surprise to Harry.



But it belonged to our dad, who was apparently a hotshot robo commander, so it makes sense.

He then vomits a metric ton of tutorial at us regarding the fine details of how it works. Something about battle log and evolving data and basically the game will give us parts at specific intervals through the story. Which is a shame, because all the really fun parts are in the Grand Battle.



Nah, that'd take effort.



Sure, I guess.



But first, let's get the 3-Way gun for ourselves!

From here on out, I'll just check the Parts Generator at my earliest convenience after new parts, and list what I get (and what it does, if it's totally new) each time. The 3-Way gun is what the last burglar was using, so you know what it does by now.



Anyway, these guys tell you basically everything you've already been told, except, perhaps, for this. See, the reason you can get beaten so hard you black out in robo battles is because you mentally link up with the robo, enabling full-on physical control beyond what most interfaces can provide. Which is cool and all, but this also has the side effect of that one thing from Star Trek. Thankfully, it won't kill us if we lose. Probably.



Harry insists that we talk to everyone before we leave, though, on account of Ernest being scary as hell.



This guy has tutorial stuff to say too, but this is the interesting part. Every NPC without a name has their eyes hidden in some fashion, sometimes by a mask, sometimes by glasses, sometimes by a large hat. Interesting design choice, really.



Anyway, we're done here. Harry won't let us stay here ourselves because he thinks we'll try to snag Linda for ourselves, so I guess we're going back home.



Why are you following me?

Oh, right, job recommendation.



Yes, yes, we are awesome, bask in our glory.



Here is what happened: I shot guys and ran into them and then they fell over.



Ernest is unimpressed.



:<



Anyway, that wraps it up for this in-game day. At the end of each day, you can either telprot straight back to your bed, or you can wander around the locations you've opened up.



In our case, we swing back by the lab real quick.

I figure it must be on the cutting edge of robo design, at least on a technological level, right?



...I cannot decide if this is better or worse. I'm going to go with better, because I like a world where this is what scientists are like.



And one more name joke before I go!

Also, not that this has anything to do with anything come up, but given a choice between a frat boy and a hippie, which would you rather beat up? KoL input is recommended but not required.

Next Time: A TRICK FLYER, BRANDED AS A CRIMINAL!

Obviously you need to try and get a Silver Wossname.

Harry is a professional.