The Next Step Downward to Danger--Let's Play Zork II!

Released in 1981, Zork II includes the bits from M.I.T Dungeon that didn’t make it into Zork I, plus a lot of new material to flesh it out. Really, the only things that didn’t make it into Zork I were the volcano, the bank, the carousel, and the block puzzle. The block puzzle ended up in Zork III, and everything else fell into Zork II. Now, three puzzles a text adventure does not make, so the majority of Zork II was brand new. This meant a lot more cohesion. Zork I had some iconic locations -- Aragain Falls, Flood Control Dam #3, West of White House -- but they didn’t fit together well. Too piecemeal. Zork II is much more unified. Even better, it’s more Zorkian. That is to say, the personality and style that defines the later Zork games start here. The Wizard is pure zorkian humor, and the setting has the feeling of a unique place in an unique world, rather than a generic fantasy cave crawl.

Zork II also has the most bullshit puzzle to ever bullshit up an adventure game.



I’m changing up the format this time around. Meta comments are still in blue and in-character narration in black, but I’m not going to put in-game text in quote boxes anymore. It got confusing at times to what was a quote from the thread and what was from the game. Instead, game-text will be bolded. Let me know how it’s working.

So, without further ado, let’s take that next step downward to danger and play...

ZORK II: The Wizard of Frobozz
Copyright (c) 1981, 1982, 1983 Infocom, Inc. All rights reserved.
ZORK is a registered trademark of Infocom, Inc.
Version 48 / Serial number 840904

Inside the Barrow
You are inside an ancient barrow hidden deep within a dark forest. The barrow opens into a narrow tunnel at its southern end. You can see a faint glow at the far end.
A strangely familiar brass lantern is lying on the ground.
A sword of Elvish workmanship is on the ground.



Here I am, stuck in this stupid barrow. It is stupid. You remember me: I came to the Quendorian Eastlands in search of wealth and fortune. Striking out into the abandoned wilds--following half-forgotten folktales and baseless rumor--I eventually came across an old white house. Surprisingly, it turned out to be one of the forgotten entrances to the Great Underground Empire: the legendary subterranean kingdom of the Flatheads. Beneath the house were huge caverns and passageways, filled to the brim with treasure beyond imagining. I succeeded in liberating twenty priceless artifacts. But, instead of returning to civilization and spending the rest of my life in luxury, I foolishly followed this map which promised more riches. Wanting more, I entered this barrow only to have to door shut behind me. I should have brought more than just my lamp and magic sword but in my hurry they were all I thought to grab (I had gathered a bunch of other stuff that would have been useful down here, now I'm stuck without them). More importantly, I should have boarded up the house. Now my treasure is exposed to any wandering traveler or greedy bear that happens to pass-by. I could kick myself for being so careless. My only hope is to get out of this cave and back to my hoard as soon as possible. And if I come across some more treasure, well, I wouldn’t say no to bringing it along...

As always, I’ve got my box of Frobozz Magic Pastel Company pastels to draw pictures of my surroundings, and this Frobozz Magic Personal Crystal Company personal crystal (or PC for short) which allows me to talk to you guys and show you my pictures. I also paid for the extra features that allow it to SAVE a memory of my current state and location and RESTORE it later. Handy! Now: I’m great at picking up everything I come across, but beyond that I’m not very skilled. You guys will have to help me find those treasures and get out. I hope you’re up to it, ‘cause the Implementors know that I’m not!

I grab my sword and lamp and head south to investigate the source of that light.

> take all
lamp: Taken.
sword: Taken.

> s
Narrow Tunnel
You are standing at the southern end of a narrow tunnel where it opens into a wide cavern. The cavern is dimly illuminated by phosphorescent mosses clinging to its high ceiling. A deep ravine winds through the cavern, with a small stream at the bottom. The walls of the ravine are steep and crumbly. A foot bridge crosses the ravine to the south.



That moss sure is handy. With it there’s no reason to run down my lantern’s batteries. You know... if I took some I wouldn’t even have to bother with my lamp. Looks like I lucked out for a change.

> take moss
Some of the moss rubs off on you, but it stops glowing very quickly once plucked from its environment.

Guess not...


Stupid moss.

> s
Foot Bridge
You are standing on a crude but sturdy wooden foot bridge crossing a deep ravine. The path runs north and south from here.



Not much to see here. The bridge is crappy but at least it wont send me tumbling to an early grave.

> s
Great Cavern
This is the center of the great cavern, carved out of the limestone. Stalactites and stalagmites of many sizes are everywhere. The room glows with dim light provided by phosphorescent moss, and weird shadows move all around you. A narrow path winds southwest among the stalagmites, and another leads northeast.



Now this is what I call a cave! Stalactites! Stalag... um... the other ones! When people go caving this is what they come to see. I’ve had it up to here with troll rooms and underground dams whatever other crazy things. More of this, please. All I need now is some flowing orange rock and I’ll be all set.

> sw
Shallow Ford
You are at the southern edge of a great cavern. To the south across a shallow ford is a dark tunnel which looks like it was once enlarged and smoothed. To the north a narrow path winds among stalagmites. Dim light illuminates the cavern.



Shallow indeed. At least I have access to water here. Good to have when sealed off from the living world. Now maybe I can find some albino crickets or cavefish for dinner.

Wait... maybe?

> eat moss
I don’t think that the mosses would agree with you.

No, but when the time comes I’m sure I could stomach the stuff.

> drink water
Thank you very much. I was rather thirsty (from all this talking, probably).

At least the water is safe to drink. This schizophrenia is an example of how early this game was. Is the game describing what is happening to me (as indicated by the “eat moss” response, or am I telling the game what a independent character should do, like I was some kind of omnipresent controller (like is seems I am from the "drink water" command)? I guess when you’ve got a clever line trivialities like tense-agreement and immersion take back seat.

> s
You have moved into a dark place.
It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

Grues here too? The moss was nice but I guess I better start the ol’ lantern. Zork II is actually a little more lenient than Zork was. Here you can move two or three times before you get eaten. In Zork one move in the dark would get you chowed down. This is so you have a chance to move back into light if you can, though if your lantern is dead no amount of free moves is going to help.

> turn on lamp
The lamp is now on.

Dark Tunnel
This is a dark tunnel with dim light to the northeast. The tunnel is smooth but dusty and filled with twigs and leaves, debris which becomes deeper as the tunnel branches into a wide corridor leading southwest and a narrower one leading southeast.



That’s odd... leaves and stuff. None of it is worth grabbing but it’s unusual that it’s down here. Maybe there’s an exit to the surface nearby?

It seems that the debris is thicker to the southeast, so..

> se
North End of Garden
This is the northern end of a formal garden. Hedges hide the cavern walls, and if you don’t look up, the illusion is of a cloudy day outside. The light comes from a large growth of glowing mosses on the roof of the cave. A break in the hedge is almost overgrown to the north. A carefully manicured path leads south. In the center of a rosebed is a small open structure, painted white. It appears to be a gazebo.



Well...

Uh...

This is not what I expected. At all. Finding an underground dam was strange, but an underground garden? With no sunlight or water there’s no way this is natural. As hesitant as I am to say it, there really is only one explanation.

Magic.

Magic’s not that uncommon, but it takes a strong mind to wield. Like most people, I played around with some small cantrips as a kid, but I could never keep the spells in my mind for more than a few minutes. Most people competent enough to use magic end up in the Sorcerer’s Guild. Now, unless the Guild knows about these ruins, which I doubt--I haven’t seen any evidence of them about--then I’ve got a rogue wizard on my hands. It happens from time to time. An enchanter seeks power, goes crazy, holds up in some castle or something. They’re often dangerous, always unstable. I better tread carefully.

There is a beautiful unicorn eating roses here. Around his neck is a red satin ribbon on which is strung a tiny key.
Your sword has begun to glow very brightly.

Yup, defiantly magic. Look at that unicorn. Magnificent creature.



> look at unicorn
The unicorn shies away as you approach for a closer look, but you do notice a tiny gold key hanging from a red satin ribbon looped around the animal’s neck.
The unicorn bounds lightly away.
Your sword is no longer glowing.

Oh dang. Guess is doesn’t like me. Well, I don’t like it either... unicorns are just dolled up horses for girls and anti-social shut-ins.

> enter gazebo
Gazebo
This is a gazebo in the midst of a formal garden. It is cool and restful here. A tea table adorns the center of the gazebo.
Sitting on the table is:
A matchbook
A china teapot
A place mat
A newspaper
A letter opener

Oh hey, this is handy! All sorts of good stuff here, fire, tea (nothing to drink it out of thought), even some reading material.

> read newspaper
(Taken)
** U.S. News and Dungeon Report **

FAMED ADVENTURER TO EXPLORE GREAT UNDERGROUND EMPIRE

Our correspondents report that a world-famous and battle-hardened adventurer has been seen in the vicinity of the Great Underground Empire. Local grues have been reported sharpening their (slavering) fangs....

“Zork II: The Wizard of Frobozz” was written by Dave Lebling and Marc Blank, and is (c) Copyright 1981, 1982, 1983 by Infocom, Inc.

I can’t read this! It’s all gibberish. S’okay, I was never one to follow politics. Luckily, there’s some funnies on the back page.



I don’t get it.

What else we got here?

> look at matchbook
No match is burning.

> look at teapot
The china teapot is empty.

Dang, I was looking forward to a refreshing green tea.

> look at placemat
The place mat is empty.

That is to say, there’s nothing on the mat right now, except for this keen word scramble. If only I had a pencil.

> look at letter opener
There’s nothing special about the letter opener.

I’m all set if I come across a tricky envelope.

> l
North End of Garden
A unicorn is cropping grass on the other side of the room. A gold key hangs from a ribbon around its neck.
Your sword has begun to glow very brightly.

Hey! That unicorn is back.

> take key
The unicorn, unsurprised by this evidence that you are indeed the uncouth sort of vagabond it suspected you were, melts into the hedges and is gone.
Your sword is no longer glowing.

That’s not fair. I’m a very couth sort of vagabond. The chaps down at the pub always said so.

> s
Formal Garden
This is the middle part of a formal garden. Hedges hide the cavern walls and a dim illumination comes from mosses far above. The path is of small crushed white stones. It winds among bushes and flower beds from south to north. To the north a small structure can be seen. To the south are peculiarly shaped bushes. There is a small gap in the hedges to the west.



> s
Topiary
This is the southern end of a formal garden. Hedges hide the cavern walls and mosses provide dim illumination. Fantastically shaped hedges and bushes are arrayed with geometric precision. They have not recently been clipped, but you can discern creatures in the shapes of the bushes: There is a dragon, a unicorn, a great serpent, a huge misshapen dog, and several human figures. On the west side of the garden the path leads through a rose arbor into a tunnel.



If this is the work of a rogue wizard I must admit, he has flair.

> look at hedges
The hedges are shaped like various animals: dogs, serpents, dragons, and the like, and they are vaguely troubling to look at.
You look around, and strangely, the topiary animals seem to have changed position slightly.

Something about the hedges has changed, but I can’t put my finger on what. Stupid subtle magic.

> w
Carousel Room
You are in a large circular room whose high ceiling is lost in gloom. Eight identical passages leave the room.
A loud whirring sound comes from all around, and you feel sort of disoriented in here.

Ugh... blugh... something about this room... makes me feel sick. Egh! What fowl sorcery is this!? Best get back to the garden and find a different path. *barf*



> e
You’re not sure which direction is which. This room is very disorienting.

Topiary

Something about that round room makes it hard to tell which way I came and which way I’m going, but I figured it out. Let’s try that other side passage.

> n
Formal Garden

> w
Path Near Stream
The path follows the south edge of a deep ravine and heads northeast. A tunnel heads southwest, narrowing to a rather tight crawl. A faint whirring sound can be heard in that direction. On the east is a ruined archway choked with vegetation.



Heading northeast takes me back to the Dark Tunnel and the fork in the road. I guess the only way left to go is to the southwest, towards that whirring sound.

> sw
Carousel Room

BLEGH arg no! Escape, escape! *yak*

> e
You’re not sure which direction is which. This room is very disorienting.

Marble Hall
This is an arched hall of fine marble. The hall stops abruptly to the north at a ford across a stream, where the marble is cracked and broken. Perhaps a flood or collapse of the cave was responsible. To the south the hall opens into a large room. There is rather annoying whirring sound coming from that room.
There is a square brick here which feels like clay.



Wait... what? Going east should have brought me back to the Topiary. I’m all discombobulated. Let’s see, that whirring sound is coming from the south, so I bet that the round room is that way. It appears that when I tried to go east I ended up going north instead.

> look at brick
There’s nothing special about the brick.

Yeah, it’s just a soft clay brick. Doesn’t really match the marble though.

> n
Deep Ford
You are fording the stream at a deep but not impossible spot. The water is very cold. The walls of the ravine rise to east and west. There is a small ledge along the north wall of the ravine. To the south is the entrance to a well-constructed but somewhat ruined hall.



Deep indeed. This water is more than a little chilly; I’m not going to hang out here longer than I have to.

> e
The stream deepens rapidly, and you wisely return before drowning.

Right, not going that way.

> w
You notice that the ledge above would be a drier route west.

Okay yeah, sure I guess.

> n
Ledge in Ravine
You are on a narrow ledge near the bottom of a deep ravine. The ledge continues to the west. A precarious climb up to another tiny ledge is possible. A short scramble down the rock face leads to a stream.

Looks like there’s a door up on that ledge.



> u
Tiny Room
This is a tiny room carved out of the wall of the ravine. There is an exit down a precarious climb. On the north side of the room is a massive wooden door, which has a small window barred with iron. A formidable bolt lock is set within the door frame. A keyhole covered by a thin metal lid lies within the lock.



I don’t suppose it will do any good, but I just have to try.

> open door
The door is locked.

Oh raspberries.

> look through window
Dreary Room
This is a small and rather dreary room, eerily illuminated by a red glow emanating from a crack in one wall. The light falls upon a dusty wooden table in the center of the room. In the center of the table sits a blue crystal sphere.



I want nothing more to be in that dreary room. Stupid door! Why you gotta go and be like that?

> d
Ledge in Ravine

> w
End of Ledge
A ledge from the east ends here, and a tunnel leads north into the wall. There is a rather odd smokey odor in the warm air of the tunnel.
Your sword is glowing with a faint blue glow.



My sword! That unicorn must be around here somewhere.

A strange little man in a long cloak appears suddenly in the room. He is wearing a high pointed hat embroidered with astrological signs. He has a long, stringy, and unkempt beard.
The Wizard draws forth his wand and waves it in your direction. It begins to glow with a faint blue glow.
The Wizard, almost inaudibly, whispers a word beginning with “F,” and then disappears, chuckling nastily.
Slowly, you and all your belongings rise into the air, stopping after about five feet.

Wizard! I was right, there’s a rogue sorcerer running around here. And a malicious one at that.

> n
I suppose you plan to do that by flapping your arms?

Hm. I guess I’m stuck here until I can find a way back to the ground. Um...

> z
Time passes...
You sink quietly down again.

Oh. That wasn’t so bad. I wonder why the wizard even bothered. Looks like his spell just made me float around for a while. Otherwise, me and my stuff is unharmed.

Wait, I think there’s something different about this newspaper...



> n
Dragon Room
The room is a large cavern full of broken stone. The walls are scorched and there are deep scratches on the floor. A sooty dry smell is very strong here. A paved path winds from a large passage to the west, through the room, and across a huge stone bridge to the south. To the east a small crack is visible. A dark and smokey tunnel leads north.
A huge red dragon is lying here, blocking the entrance to a tunnel leading north. Smoke curls from his nostrils and out between his teeth.
Your sword has begun to glow very brightly.



Dragon?! DRAGON!!!

> kill dragon with sword
That captured his interest. He stares at you balefully.
The dragon continues to watch you carefully.

YEAARGHH!!! DIE DRAGON!

> g
That captured his interest. He stares at you balefully.
The dragon continues to watch you carefully.

FEEL THE WRATH OF MY MIGHTY BLADE, FOWL WYRM!

> g
Dragon hide is tough as steel, but you have succeeded in annoying him a bit. He looks at you as if deciding whether or not to eat you.
The dragon tires of this game. With an almost bored yawn, he opens his mouth and incinerates you in a blast of white-hot dragon fire.

**** You have died ****

YOU WILL NOT LIVE PAST THE DAY, WRETCHED CREATU-oh. Whoops. Guess I got carried away there. And now I’m dead. That’ll teach me to play hero.

Now, let’s take a look here... Well, you probably deserve another chance. I can’t quite fix you up completely, but you can’t have everything.

Room of Red Mist
You are inside a huge crystalline sphere filled with thin red mist. The mist becomes blue to the west.
You strain to look out through the mist...
You see a small room with a sign on the wall, but it is too blurry to read.



> w
Room of Blue Mist
You are inside a huge crystalline sphere filled with thin blue mist. The mist becomes white to the west.
You strain to look out through the mist...
You look out into a large, dreary room with a great door and a huge table. There is an odd glow to the mist.



> w
Room of White Mist
You are inside a huge crystalline sphere filled with thin white mist. The mist becomes black to the west.
You strain to look out through the mist...
A strange blurry room is barely visible.



> w
You follow a corridor of black mist into a black walled spherical room. As you enter, a huge and horrible face materializes out of the mist.



“What brings you here to trouble my imprisonment, wanderer?” it asks. Hearing no immediate answer, it studies you for a moment.
“Perhaps you may be of some use to me in gaining my freedom from this place. Return to your foolish quest! I shall not destroy you this time. Mayhap you will repay this favor in kind someday.” The face vanishes and the mist begins to swirl. When it clears you are returned to the world of life.
Inside the Barrow

I dreamed I fought a dragon and met a demon. But no, it was just fantasy. What a lark! “Mist.” Ha! Like that’s even a thing. Welp, back to adventure. I guess I’ll make my way back to that horrible round room. There’s a bunch of paths from there I haven’t explored yet... but I'll save that for next time.

Where I've Been So Far


Inventory
a Magical Elven Sword (which done glow blue sometimes)
a Trusty Lantern
a Newspaper with "funny" comic strips.
a Placemat
a Box of Matches
a Teapot
a Letter Opener
a Clay Brick

Puzzles
a Proud and Aloof Unicorn with Key
some Strange Topiary
a Cursed Round Room that Makes My Head Feel Funny
a Locked Door to a Dreary Room
a Dangerous Dragon
a Malicious and Powerful Wizard
a Dream About a Demon

Deaths: 1 (a dragon's dinner)

Your score would be -10 (total of 400 points).
This score gives you the rank of Beginner.

Woah how did you get negative points?

Dying. Normally I would just save/restore but I wanted to show the misty rooms.

Alright, Zork II! This time, I'll know what's going on.

My only current suggestion is to try going Voldemort on the snooty unicorn next time you see it. If you can't take it down with your sword or letter opener, hit it with the brick. Unicorns love being smacked in the face with bricks! =D

That F'in Wizard!

You know what I would do? I would go back to that garden and just start slicing things to pieces! Put a real cramp in his craw, that would!

Steel your stomach and play in the Carousel Room until you've seen all the exits.

I think you should turn the tables. Lurk in the dark, and when a grue comes eat it.

- Eddie

Nice too see Zork II starting up, I've been looking forward to it. I think the gray text does a workable job for the game text and as always the art works rather well. I've never played Zork II myself, though I have a copy sitting around...

So, some thoughts. So you're sword seems to be glowing in the presence of magical creatures. Not sure what do make of that. As for the unicorn, maybe it doesn't like the glowing sword? I wonder if there is some sort of connection between the topiary and animal it represents? Maybe cut down the dragon one to see if it has some effect on the real dragon (it's not like you can kill it with your bare hands or anything, only a select few can do that).

I say go back and put some water in your teapot, you never know when you might find some tea, and it's good to be prepared.

You know what, I'll take care of that for you once I make it out of Kentucky... though I'm sure most of the treasures will be gone by then. Well, not the sarcophagus, that's to big for me to carry...

Get the wizard to cast Fluoresce on you! Unwinnable states are fun.

The Room of Red Mist looks remarkably like a magnified shot of human skin.

Alright, I'm back at the inside of the barrow. I must have sleepwalked here or something. Let's get back on track.

> s
Narrow Tunnel

> s
Foot Bridge

> s
Great Cavern

> sw
Shallow Ford

Good point. When caving it's important to always have water on hand.

> fill teapot with water
The teapot is now full of water.

Check-a-roony!

Alright, let's get ourselves some unicorn blood!


> s
Dark Tunnel

> se
North End of Garden
There is a large, white animal partly hidden behind some trees.
Your sword has begun to glow very brightly.

> eat unicorn
I don’t think that the unicorn would agree with you.

That's crazy. Everyone knows that unicorn takes like cotton candy. And, baby, let me tell you, I can eat a whole hell of a lot of cotton candy. Let's try something more direct.

> kill unicorn with sword.
The unicorn, unsurprised by this evidence that you are indeed the uncouth sort of vagabond it suspected you were, melts into the hedges and is gone.
Your sword is no longer glowing.

Alright, violence isn't the answer to this one. I'll wait for it to come back and then try the exact opposite.

> z
Time passes...

> z
Time passes...

> z
Time passes...
You catch a glimpse of something white between two hedges.
Your sword has begun to glow very brightly.

> kiss unicorn
I’d sooner kiss a pig.

Madness! Who would rather kiss a pig than a unicorn?! They're nature's very pretty and kissable ladies! Although...



Looks like we'll need to find another way to get that key.

Alright, let's take that wizard down a peg... by vandalizing his garden.

> s
Formal Garden

> s
Topiary

> hit dragon
You can’t see any dragon here!


Yes there is! Or, at least there's a bush shaped like one.

The topiary animals seem to close in on you. You turn and they are very close. They seem to be leering at you.

I don't like the way these hedges seem to close in. Time to knock it up a notch.

> cut hedge with sword
Strange concept, cutting the hedge....

Ho-ho! How strange! Cutting a hedge? Boy am I a moron. What a stupid idea. Wait... were there so many hedges before? And were the always so close. And... no. No! Noooooo!!!

> z
Time passes...
The topiary animals attack! You are crushed by their branches and clawed by their thorns.

**** You have died ****



Good thing salvation is just a RESTORE away. No more spooky demon dreams for us.

Just the very thing I was thinking. Back to the round room.

> w
Carousel Room

*hurl*

> n
You’re not sure which direction is which. This room is very disorienting.

Menhir Room
This is a large room which was evidently used once as a quarry. Many large limestone chunks lie helter-skelter around the room. Some are rough-hewn and unworked, others smooth and well-finished. One side of the room appears to have been used to quarry building blocks, the other to produce menhirs (standing stones). Obvious passages lead north and south.
One particularly large menhir, at least twenty feet tall and eight feet thick, is leaning against the wall blocking a dark opening leading southwest. On this side of the menhir is carved an ornate letter “F”.



I wanted to go north, but this stupid room. The whirring is coming from the north, so I must be south of the round room.

A strange little man in a long cloak appears suddenly in the room. He is wearing a high pointed hat embroidered with astrological signs. He has a long, stringy, and unkempt beard.
He mutters something (muffled by his beard) and disappears as suddenly as he came.

Wizard! Guess he got so excited he misspoke. Oh hay, my newspaper’s changed again.



> look at menhir
It is nicely finished, and the letter “F” on it is particularly well carved.

That “F” is somehow familiar... what could it mean?

> s
Stairway
A marble stairway leads down into the gloom and a passage leads north.

> d
Oddly-angled Room
This is a room with oddly angled walls and passages in all directions. The walls are made of some glassy substance.
A marble stairway leads upward.
Your sword is glowing with a faint blue glow.



There’s something crazy going on here. I can’t quite get my bearings, but not in the same way that I can’t in the round room. It’s hard to describe... it’s like this room was just badly designed. With all these crazy angles I can’t really describe it. If you guys want me to, I’ll sit down and really figure out it’s dimensions, but until then I’m not going to bother with this bullshit.

> u
Stairway
Your sword is no longer glowing.

> n
Menhir Room

> n
Carousel Room

*vom*

> w
You’re not sure which direction is which. This room is very disorienting.

Riddle Room
This is a room which is bare on all sides. There is an exit down in the northwest corner of the room. To the east is a great closed door made of stone. Above the stone, the following words are written: “No man shall pass this door without solving this riddle:

What is tall as a house,
round as a cup,
and all the king’s horses
can’t draw it up?”



Oh I know!

> Say “Egg!”
A hollow laugh seems to come from the stone door.

Hmmm... I give up.

> nw
Carousel Room

*spew*

> w
You’re not sure which direction is which. This room is very disorienting.

Cool Room
The room is cool and damp. The air is misty. A twisty path from the southeast splits here toward a wide northerly stone bridge, and a narrow westerly tunnel. It is from the latter that the mist and chill seem to originate.

I... think the round room is to the southeast. That leaves north and west to explore. I’m curious about this chill so I’m heading west.

> w
Ice Room
This is a large hall of ancient lava, since worn smooth by the movement of a glacier. A large passage exits to the east and an upward lava tube is at the top of a jumble of fallen rocks.
A mass of ice fills the western half of the room.



> look at ice
There’s nothing special about the glacier.

Except that it exists, underground, and in a hall of ancient lava. But otherwise, you know, nothing special.

> w
You don’t even have an ice-pick.

Hmm... I don’t. But that does give me an idea.

> light match
One of the matches starts to burn.

> light ice with match
You can’t burn a glacier.
The match has gone out.

I’m not trying to burn it, I’m trying to MELT the damn thing.

> e
Cool Room

> n
Stone Bridge
This is the middle of a ruined but still impressive stone bridge spanning a deep chasm. Water flows far beneath. A paved path leads north into a large open space. To the south, the path leads into a misty tunnel.
Your sword is glowing with a faint blue glow.



Uh-oh. If I’m correct about where I am, the glow can only mean one thing...

> n
Dragon Room

DRAGON! This time I wise up and smartly run away. Let’s check out that lava tube in the Ice Room.

> u
Lava Tube
You are in a tight chimney of solidified lava. It extends up at least another hundred feet and down to a large room far below. A large crack opens to the south, probably the result of a shift in the rock strata.



> u
Volcano View
You are on a ledge in the middle of a large volcano. Below you the volcano bottom can be seen and above is the rim of the volcano. A couple of ledges can be seen on the other side of the volcano; it appears that this ledge is intermediate in elevation between those on the other side. The exit from this room is to the east.



Nice view, but there's nowhere to go but down.

> jump
This was not a very safe place to try jumping.
You should have looked before you leaped.

**** You have died ****

Not that down, stupid... me. Stupid me. Uh... RESTORE.

> d
Lava Tube

> s
Cobwebby Corridor
A winding corridor is filled with cobwebs. Some are broken and the dust on the floor is disturbed. The trend of the twists and turns is northeast to southwest. On the north side of one twist, high up, is a narrow crack.
There is a coil of black, braided string here.



Hmm... looks like someone has recently been this way.

> l at string
There’s nothing special about the black string.

Of course.

> sw
Guarded Room
This room is cobwebby and musty, but tracks in the dust show that it has seen visitors recently. At the south end of the room is a stained and battered (but very strong-looking) door. To the north, a corridor exits.
Imbedded in the door is a nasty-looking lizard head, with sharp teeth and beady eyes. The eyes move to watch you approach.



> lizard, hello
You can’t talk to the lizard!

I don’t see why not. Magical lizard head door knockers should be able to speak.

> open door
The lizard comes to life and snaps at you as you reach for the handle.

> hit lizard
The guardian seems impervious to your attack. In fact, your blows don’t even seem to be landing.

Guess I won’t be heading south anytime soon. Alright, back to the northwest.

> n
Cobwebby Corridor

> ne
Carousel Room

*bleck!* Well, I THINK I’ve gone everywhere I can right now. No matter how I try I can’t get west from this room. Something about the curse on this place makes sure that I always end up moving in a different direction. If you guys have any suggestions, I’m all ears.

Where I've Been So Far


Inventory
a Magical Elven Sword (which done glow blue sometimes)
a Trusty Lantern
a Newspaper with "funny" comic strips.
a Placemat
a Box of Matches
a Teapot
a Letter Opener
a Clay Brick
a Black String

Puzzles
a Proud and Aloof Unicorn with Key
a Cursed Round Room that Makes My Head Feel Funny
a Locked Door to a Dreary Room
a Dangerous Dragon
a Malicious and Powerful Wizard
a Dream About a Demon
an Unsolvable Riddle
an Underground Glacier
a Guarded Door
a Oddly Angled Room


Deaths: 3 (a dragon's dinner, a dragon's dinner except the dragon was a bush, took a flying leap into a volcano for no reason other than it was there (totally worth it))

Your score would be -10 (total of 400 points).
This score gives you the rank of Beginner.

You walked into the mouth of a gazebo and lived...! You must have nerves of steel, stranger.

Try giving passwords to the F doors! Fortify! Fizzwidget! Falaffal!

You got killed. By bushes. Carved into the shapes of mythical beasts.

Did I mention I love adventure game deaths? =D

Anyway, I'd try putting the placemat in front of the lizard door and using it. Maybe it won't let you inside because your boots are dirty?

Um... a well? You know, cause they are deep and round, and you can't draw the well itself up but you can draw up the water IN the well.

I would like to see more of the oddly angled room, it says there are exits in all directions. We should take a look at them.

Try using the matches to burn the evil topiary?

The solution to the puzzle is "A very large cup". Obviously.

Sure, back to the Guarded Door.

A strange little man in a long cloak appears suddenly in the room. He is wearing a high pointed hat embroidered with astrological signs. He has a long, stringy, and unkempt beard.
The Wizard draws forth his wand and waves it in your direction. It begins to glow with a faint blue glow.
The Wizard, in a deep and resonant voice, speaks the word “Freeze!” He cackles gleefully.
Your limbs suddenly feel like they have turned to stone. You can’t move a muscle.

Ah, unicorn turds!

> sw
You are frozen solid. You might as well wait it out, because you can’t do anything else in this state.

F'in wizard! Every turn wasted is one less turn before my lamp runs out.

> z
Time passes...

> z
Time passes...

> z
Time passes...

> z
Time passes...

> z
Time passes...

> z
Time passes...

> z
Time passes...

> z
Time passes...

> z
Time passes...
Your little finger begins to twitch, and then your whole body is free again.

Dang, that was like hours. This wizard is starting to be a real pain.



> door, fortify
I don’t know the word “fortify”.

> door, Fizzwidget
I don’t know the word “fizzwidget”.

> door, Falaffal
I don’t know the word “falaffal”.

Nodal, your idea was bad and you should feel bad.

> drop placemat
Dropped.

> wipe feet on placemat
I don’t know the word “wipe”.

> open door
The lizard comes to life and snaps at you as you reach for the handle.

This lizard is high class, he knows better than to admit the sort of person who would wipe their feet on a placemat.

Okay, I head back to the round room (*glag*) and then southeast to the riddle room.

> say "a very large cup, perhaps as big as a house"
A hollow laugh seems to come from the stone door.

Octo you are as bad as Nodal.

> say "a well"
There is a deafening clap of thunder and the stone door quietly swings open to reveal a passageway beyond.

Foxeris is the riddle master! You're such a quick-witted-jimmy that you can have these five points I just earned.

> e
Pearl Room
This is a former broom closet. The exits are to the east and west.
There is a pearl necklace here with hundreds of large pearls.



Um... I never asked for a pearl necklace, so I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea. Luckily, this one is aggressively literal.

> take necklace
Taken.

I KNEW there was treasure down here. Worth fifteen points too! Looks like this might not have been such a bad idea after all.

> e
Circular Room
This is a damp circular room, whose walls are made of brick and mortar. The roof of this room is not visible, but there appear to be some etchings on the walls. There is a passageway to the west.
There is a wooden bucket here, 3 feet in diameter and 3 feet high.



> read etchings



> climb rope
You can’t see any rope here!

IT'S RIGHT THERE!!! Let's just say it's too slippery to climb up or something. Yeah, that's it. We'll have to find another way up. The game never mentions a rope, I realized after I drew the picture. Forgive me?

Okay, I'll explore the odd room more closely.

Oddly-angled Room
This is a room with oddly angled walls and passages in all directions. The walls are made of some glassy substance.
A marble stairway leads upward.
Your sword is glowing with a faint blue glow.

> w
Oddly-angled Room
This is a room with oddly angled walls and passages in all directions. The walls are made of some glassy substance.
On the floor is a very small diamond shaped window which is flickering dimly.
A long wooden club lies on the ground near the diamond-shaped window. The club is curiously burned at the thick end.
Your sword is no longer glowing.

There's a window in the floor and a club. I don't know if I need a club when I've got this magical sword. Maybe there's an ogre nearby?

> look at club
The words “Babe Flathead” are burned into the wood.

Hmmm... Babe Flathead was one of Dimwit Flathead's younger brothers. He was famous for excelling in all types of athletics. I guess this club belonged to him. It's not a treasure, though, as picking it up scores no points.

Exploring around, there are 3 other diamond-shaped windows, and no obvious exit beyond the stairs I came down from. I can't really map this place, as the angles throw everything off. Sorry.

And it's back to the garden. *shiver* I don't like that place.

Topiary
You look around, and strangely, the topiary animals seem to have changed position slightly.

> light match
One of the matches starts to burn.

> light hedge with match
You can’t burn a hedge.
The match has gone out.

Just like you can't cut one, duh. There's not anything more to do in the Topiary. The only reason for the place is the killed-by-hedge death. I'd never even seen it before this playthrough because there's nothing to keep you in the room long enough for the bushes to attack.

Where I've Been So Far


Inventory
a Magical Elven Sword (which done glow blue sometimes)
a Trusty Lantern
a Newspaper with "funny" comic strips.
a Placemat
a Box of Matches
a Teapot
a Letter Opener
a Clay Brick
a Black String
Babe Flathead's Club

Puzzles
a Proud and Aloof Unicorn with Key
a Cursed Round Room that Makes My Head Feel Funny
a Locked Door to a Dreary Room
a Dangerous Dragon
a Malicious and Powerful Wizard
a Dream About a Demon
an Underground Glacier
a Guarded Door
an Oddly Angled Room
a Way Up a Well

Treasures
a Pearl Necklace (not that kind, you perv)

Deaths: 3 (a dragon's dinner, a dragon's dinner except the dragon was a bush, dive into volcano)

Your score would be 10 (total of 400 points).
This score gives you the rank of Beginner.

You should go see about the tiny room door. Crush that thin metal lid! Crush it to bits!

Knock out the unicorn with the club for the hell of it!
Wizards beware, Loki has a blunt heavy object now!

That F'n Wizard!

Well turnabout is fair play, see if you can freeze the unicorn. Or the lizard door.

Failing that, smack the lizard with your club.

Try using the club to break the crap out of that diamond-shaped window you found it near.

Also, maybe you could trick that unicorn into letting you take off its key ribbon by offering it the pearl necklace?

Obviously the problem is that it's spelled "falafel."

I'm fairly sure I just got lucky with this one...

Oh... oh my. I've never played Zork II but even I've heard about THIS puzzle. But that still gives me no idea how to actually SOLVE it. Can you look into the windows? Maybe there is something in them.

I thought I made it clear that the unicorn will have nothing to do with me, especially if I come at it with ill-intent. It doesn't even want the pearls. Stupid stingy, magnificent animal.

But that's an idea! Whoever heard of lizard you couldn't teach a lesson or two with a big stick? Or a door you couldn't club down? It only stands to reason that the lizard-door would have the vulnerabilities of both and the strengths of neither.

Guarded Room
> hit lizard with club
The guardian seems impervious to your attack. In fact, your blows don’t even seem to be landing.

Oh right, this same thing happened when I tried to sword it.

Okay, I mean, this club has to be useful for SOMETHING right?

Oddly-angled Room
> hit window with club
I’ve known strange people, but fighting a diamond shaped window?

I AM A STRANGE PERSON. LET ME HIT THE DAMN WINDOW.

> look in window
On the floor is a very small diamond shaped window which is flickering dimly.

So there's nothing actually IN the window. It's more like a diamond glowing-shaped plate on the floor.

Back to the tiny room!

Tiny Room
> hit lid with sword
I’ve known strange people, but fighting a metal lid?

FFFFFFFFFF! No wait! I don't want to summon that damn wiz. I take it back--

A strange little man in a long cloak appears suddenly in the room. He is wearing a high pointed hat embroidered with astrological signs. He has a long, stringy, and unkempt beard.
The Wizard draws forth his wand and waves it in your direction. It begins to glow with a faint blue glow.
The Wizard seems about to say something, but thinks better of it, and peers at you from under his bushy eyebrows.



Looks like this club finally came in handy for something. Let's take a closer look at that lid while we're here.

> look at lid
The metal lid is closed.

> open lid
The lid is now open.

> look at keyhole
There’s nothing special about the keyhole.

> look in keyhole
No light can be seen through the keyhole.

Huh! I can see red light through the window, but I can't look through the keyhole... There must be something already in the keyhole... like a key! The door is locked from the inside! Okay, I can probably push the key out with my letter opener, but that would still leave the key on wrong side of the door.

You know, MetMan suggested using the placemat as a doormat earlier. That's not quite right, but it gives me an idea. Looking down, I can see that the door is a few centimeters off the ground.

Okay, I hope this works.

> put placemat under door
The place mat fits easily under the door.



> put letter opener in keyhole
There is a faint noise from behind the door and a small cloud of dust rises from beneath it.
Done.

> take placemat
As the place mat is moved, a rusty iron key falls from it and onto the floor.

Hahahaha! Yes!

> take key
Taken.

> take letter opener
Taken.

> unlock door with key
The door is now unlocked.

> open door
The door is now open.

> n
Dreary Room
This is a small and rather dreary room, eerily illuminated by a red glow emanating from a crack in one wall. The light falls upon a dusty wooden table in the center of the room. On the south side of the room is a massive wooden door, which has a small window barred with iron. A formidable bolt lock is set within the door frame. A keyhole lies within the lock.
In the center of the table sits a blue crystal sphere.

> take blue sphere
Taken.

> look at sphere
There is something misty in the sphere. Perhaps if you were to look into it...

> look into sphere
As you peer into the sphere, a strange vision takes shape of a distant room, which can be described clearly....

Murky Room
There is a sandy floor here, and your vision seems murky and blurred. The wall you are looking at is nicely dressed stone.
The vision fades, revealing only an ordinary crystal sphere.



Interesting. I wonder where that is. I don't think I've seen it before. Although... it does look similar to something I once saw in a dream. Taking the sphere scores a whopping 20 points. Ka-Ching!

Where I've Been So Far


Inventory
a Magical Elven Sword (which done glow blue sometimes)
a Trusty Lantern
a Newspaper with "funny" comic strips.
a Placemat
a Box of Matches
a Teapot
a Letter Opener
a Clay Brick
a Black String
Babe Flathead's Club
a Blue Sphere

Puzzles
a Proud and Aloof Unicorn with Key
a Cursed Round Room that Makes My Head Feel Funny
a Dangerous Dragon
a Malicious and Powerful Wizard
a Dream About a Demon
an Underground Glacier
a Guarded Door
an Oddly Angled Room
a Way Up a Well

Treasures
a Pearl Necklace (not that kind, you perv)

Deaths: 3 (a dragon's dinner, a dragon's dinner except the dragon was a bush, dive into volcano)

Your score would be 30 (total of 400 points).
This score gives you the rank of Beginner.

So I was right about the placemat being used at a door, but it was just the wrong door. ^^;

Sharp, pointy objects were no use, but I wonder how the dragon would deal with blunt head trauma? From a club smashing into its noggin?

I second this!

So the club has special Anti-F'n Wizard properties?

Maybe it can break other magic things. Like that crystal ball.

GO MAKE A SMASH!

I don't see how this could possibly go wrong.

Wait, a diamond window and a club?

What if you cut out the dragon's heart and spayed the unicorn? Or vice versa?

I look forward to seeing the results!