A hollow voice says “Let’s Play Colossal Cave”

So, there are a few choices where I can go next, most of them go deeper in the cave, but from her in the Hall of the Mountain King the only real choice I have is to go and see what lays to the west of here. So to the west I shall go.

Oh hey, some coins. There aren’t really gold coins like you see in a pirate movie or something, more like old currance… looks like from the 1890s. I guess that masks sense, someone had to have been down here before me. There was the grate in place and it was locked, and someone had to mark up the rocks. That doesn’t seem like something the dwarfs would do.

Pressing on.

Nothing that way. I’ve been staring to wonder where all this treasure is coming from. Really, who put this down here and in such a haphazard way? The gold nugget kind of fits, this is a cave after all, though one really finds gold like that alone, but what about the jewels, or the rug of all things. Really, who puts a fancy rug in a cave, let alone under a dragon?

Hum, back in the hall of mists, I suspect that if I keep pressing on…

Nice, the far side of the fissure, I guess I don’t have to worry about getting across it now, having… you know, found a way around it. The diamonds are nice as well. See, these belong in the cave, though not a cave like this one. Once again I have to wonder who would bother leaving cut diamonds around here like this?

Wow, that was a useless passage, what was the point of that in the first place? Well, I guess I’ll head to the south.

Oh… oh dear. This doesn’t look very good at all. Okay, don’t panic, I’m just stuck in a maze where everything looks the same. I’m not going to mess around here, not right now, not with an arm full of treasure. Okay, so I just need to go back the way I came which was… well I came down into this room so back up!

That’s enough of that, try going back to the west. I’m not in the mood to get any more lost then I currently am.

As I was saying, who’s leaving all this treasure around. It can’t be the pirate, he mugged me for what I had and the silver on the floor. If he knew that was there why would he leave it laying around. It’s not like a cave is a good place to store this sort of thing. It’s hardly safe.

Maybe the dwarfs are leaving the treasure laying around? I guess they have nothing to do with it, they are happy with their giant mirror. Still, it does make my head hurt.

Great, another maze and ANOTHER dwarf. The cave is starting to mock me, I know it. Well I’m going to take care of the dwarf before he causes me any more problems.

Well, that takes care of the dwarf, let see how to get out of this maze. At least everything seems to stand out, I can tell my left from my right from my southeast. That’s something at least, different from that other maze. I suspect I can get through this one with careful observation.

For the moment I’m not going to worry too much about it. I have treasure, I need to get it put away. I should be able to go back down to get out of here.

Wonderful, not only did I find my way out, I found yet another dwarf. Luckily he goes as quickly as the last one. Annoying as these things are at least they are easy to kill, that’s something at least.

Nice, back to a familiar location. I’m going to head back to the Y2 rock and put some of this treasure away before I get mugged again.

There we go, put away safely. Now I just need to decide where I should go next. Do I go down to the next level, or do I try to find my way through the mazes. Decisions decision…

Puzzles:
Finding the Pirate’s treasure in the maze
Finding a way though both mazes
Crossing the fissure?

You are carrying:
a dwarvish axe
a small bottle
some bottled water
a brass lantern (providing light)
some tasty food
a set of keys

Treasure:
A Persian Rug (stained with Dragon’s Blood)
A Large Gold Nugget
Rare Coins
Fine cut Diamonds

You have so far scored 115 out of a possible 350, in 133 turns, earning you the rank of Experienced Adventurer.

Deaths: 0 (I may have to stop keeping track of this goose egg)

So the snake was guarding like, what, five treasures? This game I tells ya!

Go solve those mazes.

Well, so looks like it's onto the mazes... I'm going to have to think about how to wrap this one up in the LP. Each maze can take 100+ moves to map, some of it easy some of it tedious. I'm not sure how I should represent that here, or if I should at all.

The problem is that this game, like many, is really meant to abuse save states to work out some solutions. Though it does seem less deadly then other games in the genera. To this end there is at least one turn counter running in the background, which I would rather hit by normal game play instead of a few hundred turns or mapping mazes.

(and yes, I will be mapping it myself. I'm making my own map of the game which I may post once I'm finished, or even as I get some parts of the game finished).

Feel free to make suggestions on the LP as a whole. This is only my second one (and my longest one to date) so I don't mind some advice, either in thread or via PM.

Hmm. We're stuck in a foreboding underground cave system with dwarves and pirates trying to kill us, thousands of dollars of treasure on us, with a myriad of mysterious puzzles on our hands...I believe the best course of action would be to EAT FOOD. Nothing like a little grub. EXAMINE FOOD before you eat it though; nobody likes ambiguous food. Also, CLEESH.

Seriously though, this LP is turning out good. If I were you, I wouldn't post the WHOLE DAMN MAZE THING, but only the interesting parts...feel free to ignore my suggestion; the only text adventure i've actually WON is the Zork on Uncyclopedia. I have a deep fondness for interactive fiction and I have played many of them, but those damn parodies are the only ones i've actually beaten without many cheats. I also am a chief editor of one; one that's been on hiatus for a while but I intend to get back to it as soon as I can.

Also, if you all really want to enhance your experience, I suggest you listen to this while reading the LP, or waiting for an update. I know I am.

Thanks, the trick I think is to trim it down and try to keep it interesting. The problem is that I've never mapped the mazes before so my planing is all in theory. Still, hopefully I can do something with it.

That song's been on my playlist for a while.

I just hope you do your best.

Oh yes, that snake was block a ton of items, but at least most of them are out of the cave now. Dumb pirate. I’ll find his treasure sooner or later and reclaim everything he took from me, and maybe take a few things from him in return. Stealing from a mugger is perfectly fine, right?

So, onto the mazes. Well there are two mazes so there are two choices of where I can go, so which one to do first? Well, let’s flips a coin, head’s I’ll do the maze that’s all alike, and tails I’ll do the coin that’s all different. Or… maybe not, I put the coins back into the well house already, so let’s start with the maze that’s all different.

So, onto the West end of the long hall!

Luck is with me I guess, everything is a bit different, and I know that if I go down from here I can get out of this maze safely, so if I can make it back to this room I’ll be able to get out without too much trouble. So, let’s get onto mapping this maze.

So, um… north!

Okay, how about back south then?

Curse the Non-Euclidean geometries of these mazes, everything twists and turns, and every room looking a little bit different then the other one. I’m going to have to be careful about where I go from here. I really need to be sure where any exits I take leads me so if I find myself back into a room like that again I can work out how to keep going without too much back tracking.

What? A… a vending machine, in the middle of a cave? I know this cave is a bit crazy but really, a vending machine, how did this get down here, who would pit it down here, and why stick it in the back of the maze?

Wait, what if that’s the whole point of this maze, just to hind a vending machine? Really, what’s the point, why would you do something like that? How import could a vending machine be to hide it in a maze inside a cave in Kentucky? I would have to think it would be bloody well import, otherwise why go through all the trouble to drag it down here in the first place.

Maybe it’s all the lost soda flavors that have been canceled over the years? That would be great wouldn’t it. New Coke, OK Cola, Crystal Pepsi, that would be fantastic would it? Well, to a point, I was never a huge fan of the New Coke, but I liked Crystal Pepsi as a kid, so I wouldn’t mind some of that.

What! Fresh batteries, why in the world would you need a vending machine for that? Why in the world would you put it down here of all places? I mean, what’s the point? You’re just going to hide a machine like this down here and… and… I don’t know! I just don’t know, I mean what’s the point of all of this? It’s just… damn it, I’m going to get out of here.

Fine, back into the maze.

Okay, now how do I get out of the maze, let’s say, this way, or was it that way? Or maybe… leftways, left ways seems good, lets trying following leftways for now.

Maybe Rightways?

This is getting needlessly frustrating, how maze like does this maze have to be? I mean other then very maze like ,which is too much maze like for my taste. Everything looks different, but not very different and close enough that I’m not completely sure if things really are different. Though to be honesty everything is all looking kind of the same to me.

I think this place is getting to me.

I think I’m starting to get a hang of this place. If I go left I end up right and if I go down I end up east, maybe to the west sometimes. It’s hard to tell. At least I’m pretty sure where I go when I go to the north, well, most of the time, but I can’t be sure when it doesn’t work.

So, if I’m here I think I can do to the west to get out, maybe, I think.

Ya, I didn’t think that would work either. How about I just keep going up until… well until I find something that looks right.

You know, that tells me something. I think I have a good idea how all these rooms are connected now… well, maybe I do, at least to the point where I think I can find my way out of here. Assuming there is an out of here to find. I’ve been down in this maze for so long I think I’m starting to wonder if there is anything in this cave but a maze.

Of course if there is more to this then just a maze I think I know what I need to do now. I just need to go down from right here and I’ll make it out. Right?

I’m glad you agree! Okay, let’s move down.

Look at that, there is more to this maze then just the cave. Right, good, and I know how to get out and get back to the vending machine. That’s more then I was expecting at least. Not that the vending machine in any use anymore, I don’t need batteries and I don’t have any spare change.

The hall of mists is rather nice, isn’t it? It’s nice to get out of the tight confines of the maze. And the mist is nice isn’t it, all very colorful. Almost like it’s forming into a crystal bridge across the fissure, not that it would hold my weight being made of mist and all, but still, it would be useful if there really WAS a bridge.

You know, the fissure doesn’t look that far away, I bet I can jump it! How hard could it be, anyways, the mist will help support me long enough to make it over.

Wait, what? I died, then who am I talking to and what is going on? I’m out of the maze at least, or was I ever in the maze. What’s going on here. Where am I exactly anyways?

Okay… so that was all just a dream… but I can remember how to make it through the maze. What the heck just happened to me? You know what, I’m going to sit here on this rock and take a break, I think I need it!

I think I spent well over 150 turns mapping out this maze, and this was the easy one in that each room described itself. So, how do you map a maze in a game like this. Lots of patience and a spread sheet, that and trying every exit in every room to work out how to get around. This means my ‘map’ looks more like a data sheet.



And why the death? I didn’t want to blow that many turns, and we needed some sort of death, right?

Puzzles:
Finding the Pirate’s treasure in the maze
Finding a way though the identical maze
Crossing the fissure

You are carrying:
a dwarvish axe
a small bottle
some bottled water
a brass lantern (providing light)
some tasty food
a set of keys

Treasure:
A Persian Rug (stained with Dragon’s Blood)
A Large Gold Nugget
Rare Coins
Fine cut Diamonds

You have so far scored 115 out of a possible 350, in 133 turns, earning you the rank of Experienced Adventurer.

Deaths: 1 (Trying to fly)

The little twisty twisting little maze of little twisty twisting little passages is one of the cleverer parts of this game. It's a bit of a pity that the other maze is significantly worse, yet is the one everyone quotes incessantly.

Now you're just teasing us.

use dwarven axe on vending machine

Free batteries can make anyone's day!

Do that other maze, slacker!

>hope lp is not dead_

Nope, just had guests, a con, and a maze driving my crazy. Don't quiet have enough items just yet...

Good show.

Oh bloody hell. Somewhere along the line I managed to lose my half finished map of the maze. I had kind of a cleaver system to map it using objects but still didn't have enough. It might be best just to move on to the lower levels of the cave until we have enough stuff to use.

What say you?

Anything to get this LP going again.

Same here, I didn't plan to have a break like this, just real life sometimes gets in the way. Anyways, what would a lets play be without an oddly spaced break or two?

If all goes well, update tomorrow or the day after. And I'll be moving into places I've hardly ever seen in the game, so it's going to be interesting!

And also, thanks to everyone for the support of the LP. It's nice to know I'm keeping you entertained.

Wait what? Um… how long was I asleep? Longer then I thought I guess, at least a few hours at least, time is a bit funny down here. Well, I was kind of hoping to dream a map to the other maze, but no such luck, just some strange thing about a guy named Curtis. I have very odd dreams…

Right, right, the back secret exit to the cave. I guess that’s as good as a place as any. So outsize of the identical maze I have three ways down lower in the cave. One right now the hall, one past the snake room and one up by where the dragon was sleeping. I could go out of my way to get down there, but it will just be easier to go down from here.

Well, it’s not too bad down here. I was almost expect to find something crazy, like a raging river or something crazy like that. Really it’s not all that different from the rest of the cave, it’s still just a cave. Not sure why I expected it to be anything else to be honest.

So, two different ways I can go. Well, I don’t mind a bit of a crawl, so let’s head to the east and see what might be hidden over there.

Well, let’s keep going down.

Huh, I guess it’s just a dead end… I wonder where this stream goes, or where it might come from. Water underground isn’t all that out of place, and I suspect this stream has been craving this pit for centuries. I bet it floods very few years when something blocks the outlet.

At least the walls aren’t smooth so I can get back up. It’s a bit of a balancing act but nothing worse then I’ve seen elsewhere in the cave.

So back up and to the west.

Hum, doesn’t look like I can get through the cracks here, but I can keep going down. This level so far hasn’t been all that much to write home about, so I guess down I’ll keep going down. Something interesting is bound to happen if I get deep enough.

Okay, it looks like everything goes everywhere. It looks like I can make go either to the north, west or the east. Well, three new ways to go, so let’s try keep going to the east. It’s been working out so far so I don’t see what could possible go wrong.

Um… ignore that I just said that.

The cave is under construction… who builds a cave, I mean really? Well maybe this one has been worked on a bit, it would explain some of the insanity like the mazes and the mirror, but even so, who do you hirer to build a place like this. Well okay, apparently Witt Construction Company, which doesn’t explain anything!

Well, maybe the magazine can tell me something.

That was helpful. Oh well, on to the east.

Witt’s End, how clever. Well, at least it gives me a few options as to what I can do here. I can go in pretty much any and every direction. Which really isn’t all that useful to me, or to anyone else really. And why am I still holding onto the dumb magazine anyways?

No, there is nothing I can say about this will make it make any sort of sense, so let’s just move on. And here it is, the last lousy point. The bane of far too many text adventures games. There is really no rhyme or reason behind this action.

Hum, looks like the passage up probably went back the way I came, instead I’m here in… well this place. It’s a bit crazy, well, maybe a bit more than the rest of this place is. At least it’s nice enough to tell me which directions are random. Not that it helps me much with my map. Still, lots of different holes and insane ways to go. For now though, I’m going to head back to the east.

Okay, back where I started. Well I guess we can try going north from here.

Nice, that looks promising!

I’m pretty sure I can see that for myself. Well, time to get inside of it.

Well damn. That’s not going to work. I don’t really have anything on me I can use to pry it open either so I’m not really sure what I can do here. Well I guess I’ll take it with me for the time being the keep going up.

Interesting, but not really that useful to me, so down we do.

Yet another dead end. If I didn’t know better I would think this cave was just messing with me. Wait… I don’t know any better. This cave is messing with me!

Let’s get out of here before I run into another dwarf.

Yeah, the cave is messing with me. Looks like I get to leave the clam here, going to have to bring something in to pry this sucker open. I just don’t have a clue what that would be. Does anyone have a crowbar? Anyone? Freeman?

Okay, I’m going to take a break here, now that I have bedquilt to deal with. At least I know one direction out of there should work every time, to bad there are four others that won’t.

Puzzles:
Finding the Pirate’s treasure in the maze
Finding a way though the identical maze
Crossing the fissure
Opening the Clam

You are carrying:
a dwarvish axe
a small bottle
some bottled water
a brass lantern (providing light)
some tasty food
a set of keys

Treasure:
A Persian Rug (stained with Dragon’s Blood)
A Large Gold Nugget
Rare Coins
Fine cut Diamonds

You have so far scored 116 out of a possible 350, in 160 turns, earning you the rank of Experienced Adventurer.

Deaths: 1 (Trying to fly)

I guess the thinking is that if you were really stuck you'd be trying everything on everything, everywhere. Which means you would eventually drop the magazine in Witt's End. But still... that is one hell of an un-motivated action.

So clam... you can't hack it open with the axe?

Have you explored everywhere you can go from the junction?

There's that maze too.

You know the one.

Get to maping, lazy!

Apparently the official discovery of the last lousy point involved looking though the raw machine code of the game executable to figure out what the heck to do.

It's something you still see around in games (the mainframe version of Zork had one) but it's petty much hated by everyone, no matter how clever you make it.

That’s a good question, let’s go give it a try. It’s not like the clam is going to attack me or anything… right?

What, that… worked. Seriously, that worked, and what’s this about a jeweled trident? I’m really not sure what the heck happened but it seemed to work and there was a nice pearl in it, because apparently it was an oyster, well at least the game admits when it made a mistake.

Seriously, you just broke the game, hopefully not in a major way. You’re supposed to use the Jeweled trident (something I’ve never found in the game) to pry it open. It does make sense, giant clam/oyster giant oyster fork. My guess is that this is an error in the port and not in the original game.

In all honestly, I don’t think this will be a game breaker, everything seemed to fire correctly, we just didn’t use the correct plot coupon to do it.

Now we need to follow the pearl.

Sweat, now we have a nice pearl, and better than that, one we got my mistake. Double yay!

So, now that I have my ill gotten gains, lets head back to bedquilt and see where it takes me.

Around and around and around we go. Let’s try that again and see if we can actually make it somewhere.

Oh, a ming vase, that looks like it’s worth something! Let me just grab it here…

Nice!

Okay, with all of this loot I’m going to have to make a quick side trip to drop some of it off in the well house. Or at least I would, but the trip to the Long Low Room was a one way job. I’m going to have to find another way back. Let’s keep pushing forward, I don’t think back tracking is going to get me back where I was before.

Well, at least the game has a sense of humor.

Well, it is a nice pillow, but I don’t have enough hands to take it with me. I’ll have to come back for it later

Hey, we’re back at bedquilt, let’s go drop some stuff off via the y2 rock.

Wait… what, no! Damn fragile vase, I can’t put it down without busting it up. No, I’m going to have to do something about this. Luckily this is a fairly new version of the game so I can at least do something about it. I have one magic word that will fix all of this!

There, nice and safe again. Yay for Undo, a nice addition to later version of the Z-Machine that many games support, as does this port of Adventure. It’s easier for obvious ‘lost forever’ type situations like this, but I don’t abuse it.

So, let’s put a note that I need to solve this puzzle, and while I’m here I’m going to drop the keys. I used them I get into the cave, I’m starting to think I’m not going to need then anymore. Once that is done, I’m going to head back to bedquilt, I still have lots of possible exits to try.

Okay, so that takes me back there. Two exits to go.

Woot! One more homicidal dwarf down, at least I’m pretty sure he’s homicidal. I mean that first dwarf I meet was, throwing that axe at me. The rest have just been threatening looking, but I’m sure they were really out to kill me. Not that it would hold up in court or anything, but at least the bodies are gone so no one could prove anything so it’s my word against… well, no one I guess. So, I’ll stand by the homicidal dwarf decision.

I’m starting to think this is a trick junction. I don’t think there is anything at all to the south, no matter what the room description tells me. So, I’m just going to mark it off for now but I’ll try again if it looks like I need to.

Oh, nice shortcut there. Lets head back to the Swiss Cheese room and see what’s there. Or something, I really can only go to the west from here.

Oh, poor little plant, let me help you.

Okay, that there, that just isn’t right. I know some things in here are crazy, but a plant that grows that fast with one bottle of water. I mean really, what the heck is going on down here? Maybe I’ve been down here for too long, I don’t know what’s going on anymore. What’s worse is that now it’s gotten greedy, you got some water and now your demanding more, well we’ll see if I’ll help you again, you didn’t even thank me you ungrateful giant… mutant plant… thing!

Well, that was an anti-climax. All that work just to get back to bedquilt. Seems like this room in the center piece of this lower level. Okay, let’s see what else we have here. Still haven’t gone north for the oriental room, so let’s give that a shot,

Interesting, that seems to be the end of this path, but there is certainly something beyond here, I’m just not sure what, I really can’t see what is beyond that tight squeeze, and I also have no idea what I can drop to get through… probably not the vase…

Well, one last place to check, the large low room.

Ah, so both directions happens to be up and down. Let’s go up then.

A troll bridge, I guess that’s to be expected.. At least after everything else I’ve been through up to this point. I mean it couldn’t be any less crazy the vending machines in mazes and killer dwarfs. Still, there is no troll so let’s risk the bridge.

Maybe he’s friendly?

Okay, I guess not. I’m just going to carefully back away before I make this big old brute made at me. The last thing I want is to piss him off. Unlike the dwarfs I think he would be very good at killing me without much warning.

Time to take stalk and see what we know…

Puzzles:
Finding the Pirate’s treasure in the maze
Finding a way though the identical maze
Crossing the fissure
Dropping the vase
South from bedquilt
East from the Alcove
Climbing the wall in the pit room
Watering the plant
Crossing the troll bridge

You are carrying:
a dwarvish axe
a ming vase
a small bottle (which is empty)
a brass lantern (providing light)
some tasty food

Treasure:
A Persian Rug (stained with Dragon’s Blood)
A Large Gold Nugget
Rare Coins
Fine cut Diamonds
A pearl from what looked like a clam.

You have so far scored 139 out of a possible 350, in 231 turns, earning you the rank of Seasoned Adventurer.

Deaths: 1 (Trying to fly)

So, to get the obvious out of the way:

- Go back and get the pillow, drop it in your safe room, then drop the vase onto it.
- Refill the bottle with water, water the greedy plant, climb it to get to the hole up in the wall.

Also, man, now that Zork II has started up, I'm having trouble keeping these two games entirely separate... maybe a map of this place would help?

Aw, I was going to suggest obviously dropping the vase on the pillow. =(

It says to pay the Troll. With... coins? Give your coins to the troll?

Well, I do have some maps, but they are all drawn and a bit tacky. The easiest way to tell us apart is to remember the Zork II LP is very pretty where this one is ruggedly handsome.

Okay, let’s start with getting the pillow, I can run back up and get some water on the way back down if this works.

Step one down, now back up to the Y2 rock. Damn, it would be nice if I could get another exit down here on this level. Hey, hollow voice, care to give me another magic word or two that I could try? It would really help with getting around. Anything… anything out all… not even a single syllable?

Dang, that’s one annoying hollow voice. Okay, back to the well house.

Other then things not breaking, or is that too much to ask? Is it, is it really too much to ask? That’s just a bit of a stupid idea right there. Come on, what else am I suppose to do, just drop the vase and hope it lands right where I want it to?

Well yay for guess the verb. Bad form there game. I know the original had the two word input limit but there’s no reason to make ‘place’ work like it’s expected to. Points off for this little oversight. Really, that’s something you shouldn’t be overlooking, something like this shouldn’t be a puzzle, well no more so then it already is. It’s not as bad as forgetting that you can both press and push a button, but still.

Okay, rant over, time to get back to problem solving. Let’s go get some water. My first plan was simply to go back down to the reservoir and pick some up but then I remembered, I’m in a fracking well house! Yeah, sometimes I miss the obvious.

Now back down to the two pit room…

Okay you crazy plant, I’ve got some water for you, if I give it to you will you shut up? I don’t want to do this for a third time. So I give you this water and you don’t ask for anymore, got it. Nothing after this, not one drop.

Wait… I’m talking to a plant. Why am I talking to a plant? I got to get out of this crazy place.

Alright, let’s see what’s up the beanstalk. Just call me jack.

Well, this is a nice find, not only do we get some nice treasure, we get ourselves a new magical word. That really makes my day! True, it’s a bit out of the way, but what good shortcut isn’t? First off, treasure!

Okay, and magic word time!

Wait, what? The magic words stole my eggs? Well at least they put them right here for me to find again. Still, as magic words go it’s kind of crazy, why make a set of words that teleport some eggs. Still, I’m sure there is a good reason for it… well no, I’m pretty sure there is NOT a good reason for it, but it helps me now doesn’t it?

Let’s see what else is around here.

Well, I guess if you think about it iron would rust quickly down here. I mean with all the mist and water and all, it’s just a very moist environment. Not that it helps me, I’m sure there is something really cool behind this door… or maybe just another dead end, this is the sort of game that would do that kind of thing, you know?

Okay, what’s next…

Forget the coins, I have a magic word that can steal some eggs, let’s use those instead! As an aside, I’m glad I decided to put this off to last. I didn’t think the coins would work and was expecting to have to restore to get my points back. Now I have a much better way to solve this problem. Thanks guys!

Onto the troll bridge!

Nice, now let’s get them back!

Well, I hope the troll enjoyed the eggs for the few moments he had them!

Hum, choices choices… well lets flip a coin… which I left up in the well house, so instead let’s just go to the northeast.

Oh, spices. That will fetch a nice price on the open market, and tasty too!

This… is… I mean… how… just… in a cave? This is… wow. Best dead end ever, no matter how unlikely it is for such a thing to happen in a cave in Kentucky. I mean, with all the other things going on, magic words, dwarfs, dragons, so I guess a volcano isn’t out of the question… just. Damn.

Still, I have another fork in the road to explore, so let’s get to it.

See, this is what I’m talking about. This is a limestone cave, how the heck do you have a volcano in a lime stone cave? It really doesn’t make any sense no matter how you think about it, though it sure was nice to look at.

Wait… Bear in room? How the heck could a bear get down here. Let’s be honest, some of the crawls I had to get through are very tight, and it’s not like you could get it to say one of magic words. Even then it’s not close enough. Maybe it’s just a dumb pun?

Ah, the center of the room is empty, but there’s a fraking bear at the end of the room! Glad to see that we’re specific about the different parts of the room here, that really helps be deal with things, like the bear! It’s not like I wasn’t warned about it, but you can hardly call the room barren when it has a bear in it.

Okay, okay, calm down. I’m sure I can do something about the bear… or not. Let’s get out of here!

Alright, what the heck is going on here…

Puzzles:
Finding the Pirate’s treasure in the maze
Finding a way though the identical maze
Crossing the fissure
South from bedquilt
East from the Alcove
Getting through the iron door
Getting the chain from the bear

You are carrying:
a selection of rare spices
a dwarvish axe
a small bottle (which is empty)
a brass lantern (providing light)
some tasty food

Treasure:
A Persian Rug (stained with Dragon’s Blood)
A Large Gold Nugget
Rare Coins
Fine cut Diamonds
A pearl from what looked like a clam
An overly fragile ming vase on a pillow

You have so far scored 157 out of a possible 350, in 305 turns, earning you the rank of Seasoned Adventurer.

Deaths: 1 (Trying to fly)

Oh, and need to go back and get the eggs…

Well, I scanned in my maps. I'm not sure how much it will help as they are all hand drawn (and one didn't scan very well, not sure how to fix that). Due to the size I'm just going to post links so as not to blow the width of the thread

Map Page 1
Map Page 2
Map Page 3

Hope that helps

It does! I mean, it would be nice if the text had scanned better in the middle one, but whatever. Just having a reminder of which rooms actually appear in this game is quite handy.

Once everything is done I might make some digital maps, just to get a feel for it. I'm currently putting together the next part of the LP but I've discovered I've kind of... um... locked myself in the current location, at least not without sacrificing some treasure I can't get back... twice... maybe (I've done some experimentation), not quiet what I had in mind. It's not quiet unwinable, but it's a problem, doubly so with what I know is coming up soon...

On the other hand I've managed to get enough stuff to map the other maze, so I might try something interesting to solve this little problem. The last maze mapping session went pretty well, I might try something like that again as a way out of the current less the stellar mess I'm in.

Of course if I go back and do the plant and troll again I can add a level of snark of already knowing what's going on, so that couldn't hurt in the least. I think the last couple updates have been lacking...

So, I have a bear of a problem in front of me, I just need to work out how to deal with it before it ends up eating me. That bear has got a really nice gold chain around its neck, and I want to get my hands on it. Because… um… for science. That’s right, I need to own that gold chain for science!

Yeah, I’m not buying it either.

Well, let’s see what I can do about the bear before I try much of anything else. Well, let’s go back and face the dang thing and maybe I’ll get some inspiration. Maybe the voices inside my head will come back, those are always so comforting and instructional.

You know, that is a horrid pun. Remind me to go back and find the Witt Construction Company so I can hurt the guy who came up with the pun as much as it hurt me.

Nothing to obvious here. Maybe I can kill the bear and take the gold chain? True, it’s a little bit cruel and pretty much evil, but that chain isn’t going to get itself and the bear IS in the way. Anyways, it’s not like anyone is watching me, right?

Okay, that was clever. So, what else can I do here. What do I have in my inventory again? I wish I had something that produced music, music tames the savage beast and all that rot. Sadly I haven’t found any sort of musical instrument down here, at least none that I understand. I can easily see myself running into some sort of elfish harp that sounds like a hammer on glass.

But is there anything that I can use that will help me in this situation? Well… let me see what I have with me.

You are carrying:
a selection of rare spices
a dwarvish axe
a small bottle (which is empty)
a brass lantern (providing light)
some tasty food

Not really much I could work with. I should have prepared better I guess. Well, I can’t kill the bear and I doubt the spices would do anything to help it’s mood. Why is it so angry anyways? Well, I guess I would be too if I was chained up in the bottom of a cave in Kentucky with nothing to eat or drink. I mean really, look at this place! There isn’t even a drip of water… so how is the bear still alive I wonder. I guess someone must come around now and then to give it food and water, or it eats one of the dwarfs that comes by. No someone has clean up after the beast otherwise there would be a much larger mess down here, or at least more signs of the bear then just the bear itself. So someone is feeding and cleaning up after the bear, probably the dwarfs.

Wait… the dwarfs, the same dwarfs I’ve been killing every time I see one. That might be a problem for our friend the bear here. I mean if I’m killing everything that’s taking care of him I might be dooming him here. I wonder how long it’s been sense he was fed, I bet that’s why he’s so angry at me, I would be to in his situation. Well, maybe I can help him a bit.

Well, that really did the trick, I guess he really was hungry. I had better let him free as well, I don’t want him trapped down here with the dwarfs and the rest. I’m not sure I can get him back, but I’ll have to give it a try. First though, let’s get that gold chain!

Ah, I bet you that’s the other key on the keying!

Keys which are sitting in the pump house with all my treasure. Damn it all to heck and back, now I’m going to have to hike all the way back up there and then back down here. That’s the last thing I want to do now. Well, I guess there is nothing for it, at least not really. Still it kind of sucks.

Don’t worry bear, I’ll be back to save you!

Hey, you can’t do that. I already paid you. Come on, I don’t have the eggs anymore either! That’s not right, what am I suppose to give you, I don’t have anything of value anymore, see, no gold, no jewels, nota. If you let me go I’ll get something cause I have to come back for the bear, but you can’t just refuse me passage.

No, you won’t… damn it. Now what do I do?

Okay, time to sulk. Let me wonder over to the breath taking view and think about what I can do in this situation. At least I can look at the impossible volcano as I drift off to sleep.In sort, I don’t know how to get past the troll bridge without the eggs. This is why you’re suppose to go save scrumming in these games. Even worse, the game is to nice, I can’t come up with a way for it to kill me!

*Snort!!*

Wait, huh, what… did I just snore myself awake again. Damn it, I hate when that happens. Not only can’t I work out how to get past the troll I can’t even get a good night’s sleep; or day, or whenever it is. It’s not like I can see outside. At least I have this volcano to keep… wait, where’s the volcano?

What, how did I get here? And what’s with all this stuff? It looks like everything I’ve found is here with me on the floor, at least not counting what’s in my hands.

You know what, I know what this is! Last time I had a crazy dream like this I was able to map out the maze that was all different, it looks like this I can make out the maze that’s all alike, perfect. Now I just need to find a way to tell which room I’m in. They are all alike so it won’t be easy, well other then this room, I have all this stuff here.

Hum….

Well maybe I can carve something into the wall?

Okay… let’s see, I could um… I wish I had spray paint of chalk, that would help a lot here. Maybe there is something in this pile of stuff that I can use to help myself out here. I’m sure there has to be something here that I can use, why else would all this stuff be in here with me? Though it does make the exit pretty noticeable, as long as I can find this pile I can get out.

Well, if this is another crazy dream maybe I can unwind the rug!

Well then, that won’t work either. Damn it, how am suppose to make each room different enough to tell apart?

Wait… I’m an idiot. If this is a dream they would already be different!

Epp! I guess not! Now do I get back out of here then? Um, back North?

Okay, let’s not panic here, I can work this out… um, west!

Ah! There we go, that’s familiar now. Thank goodness I have all this junk here or else I would have been running around for hours!

*facepalm*

Right, scatter the junk around the maze and use that to navigate that. Sure, I’m smart, I really am! Okay, let’s see what I can do with this! Okay, I’ll drop the rug here, and we can put the rod over here, and let’s see, what if I go this way?

Huh, well that’s good at least, back to mapping this place. Well, okay, there’s a lot of it, and lots and lots of dead ends, keys can go here, the pillow over here. Look, there’s the rod again. Okay, this way and I’ll let the bird out of the cage, and the cage can go over here and then back to the rug. There are a lot of dead ends in this place. Oh, I can put the vase down here… okay I can put the shards from the vase here still, good enough, right? The lamp is looking a bit dimmer but that’s just probably my imagination, so instead I guess I’ll go this way.

Arr, the pirate booty be mine!

Nice, now how do I get out of here with this. Well I think I can retrace myself I’ll just step back out and…

Yeah, of course I can’t go back the way I came… well let’s keep going with what little I have. Let’s see, I can drop the silver here, then the chest here and then go back this way

Doing down huh? Well, I bet that’s the way to get out of here!

I know how to get out of here! Okay, I may only have the jewelry and diamonds on me but I can make it out no problem!

Wait, the lamp died on me, how could the lamp run out of… I mean, I remember thinking that the lamp was getting dim but you have to be joking I mean, damn it, and I was so close too!

Wait… what, I’m back alive again. Of course I am, that was all just a dumb dream. Well, a dumb dream that let me map the crazy maze so that’s a perk now I just need to get back across the troll…

Okay, what’s going on here!

I had to massage this one a little bit to work right, and the death from the damn lamp did happen, just in the middle of the maze so I had to go back and fix that. Still, it seems to work in this case. For now we’re rolling back to before we crossed the bridge, and yes, we’ll have to redo some stuff but that’s the way it goes.

Once again, here's my 'map' of the maze:




Puzzles:
Crossing the fissure
South from bedquilt
East from the Alcove
Getting through the iron door
Getting back past the troll bridge

You are carrying:
a dwarvish axe
a ming vase
a small bottle (which is empty)
a brass lantern (providing light)
some tasty food

Treasure:
A Persian Rug (stained with Dragon’s Blood)
A Large Gold Nugget
Rare Coins
Fine cut Diamonds
A pearl from what looked like a clam.

You have so far scored 139 out of a possible 350, in 231 turns, earning you the rank of Seasoned Adventurer.

Deaths: 2 (Trying to fly, Running out of lamp)

Well now, if Chaos can be beaten before the end of the year, I surely can get this cave wrapped up by then. How long do I have? Only nine hours… frack! Well, I guess I’m going to have to roll up my sleeves and see what I can pull off here. Sure, I’m deeper into the game then I’ve ever been and I honestly have no firm idea how to get through any of this. But dang it I’m going to try. I have a few ideas and even more plans. I think I know how to do everything but the alcove, and I’ll work that out. Let’s go!

So right… where was I… um, right I had time traveled back quite a ways thanks to getting myself stuck in a situation that would have decimated my score (and might have killed me regardless thanks to the lamp). So new I’m back, outside the cavern with the troll… okay then, I think I know what needs to be done…

Right, thank you voices in my head! First let’s get that pillow again.

And put is safely away.

While I’m here I’m going to get some water, but I’m not going back to the plant just yet. Oh no, I have a nice map of the maze here thanks to my crazy time traveling dreams. I know how to get to the pirate treasure so I’m going to do just that. One less thing I need to stress about for the moment. Anyways, I want do take care of it before I forget how to get there or the maze changes shape or something, because that would be evil.

And that’s how you rock some extra points. Now let’s see if I can get out of here without running my lamp out again. I still have no idea how to fix that, there has to be some way to refill the lamp, maybe the pool of oil down by the plant? It wouldn’t exactly be a good light, but it would provide a decent amount of light none the less.

First things first, I need to get myself out of this maze while I still have all this treasure. The last thing I need is to be mugged by the pirate again, I would hate to have to go through all of this again just to steel back what he stole form me… that I stole from him that he had original stolen from me. Damn recursion, it always makes my brain hurt.

Nice, the map was useful, unlike the map of that other maze that just had a vending machine in it. I mean really, what was the point of all that?

Ding, ding and ding! Three more treasures down and a nice little extra bit of score added to my total. This really makes up for all those odd ball dreams. Now here I am, loaded with treasure and only a few choices of what’s left to do. So let’s go and get some golden eggs.

Oh, and take the keys this time as well!

Glad to see that worked, but before I do anything else…

There, something I can use to refill the lamp, at least I hope it’s something I can use for that. If not I’m going to have one oil covered lamp on my hands and no one will like that. It would be all slippery and I would end up dropping it all over the place and that wouldn’t help anyone do a dang thing. So I’m just going to hope that doesn’t happen this time.

Those eggs are mine again for the first time, now I just have to make sure to keep them this time, and keep them around so I can bribe the troll a second time. Damn troll.

Slight detour to check out this door again. There has to be a way to open it, it wouldn’t be here if there wasn’t something useful behind it. I’m just not sure what I should do. Do I have to find a way to unrust this door, or is there another way inside? It’s not like I can just push it open.

Well… maybe I can knock the rust off the door? I have the axe with me, it might be helpful.

Okay, so that’s not going to work. This is what I get for not having worked with tools in years and years. I just don’t know what I need to do with this one. Heck, the last time I had to deal with anything rusted over was helping my dad fix his car. He had an old jeep and half the bolts were rusted over, not to mention the damage from the salt on the road. Most of the time he would just break the rust off, when that didn’t work he had something he sprayed on it. It was a kind of an oil that would loosen rust but I don’t have any of that in… this………..

Other than a bottle of oil. Let’s give that a try!

You know, somehow I was hoping that violence was the answer in this case, not common sense. Or at least game logic, as long as it’s not crazy moon logic we’ll be good.

Wow! Look at that, it’s not as impressive as the volcano, but at least it’s probable down here. That would also explain why the door was rusted close, really, this is a lot of free water in the air. On the other hand, it’s rather refreshing. I also get another treasure, and a rather impressive one at that. It looks like the sort of thing you’re supposed to use to open a clam, unlike say an axe!

Either way it’s mine now!

It’s tempting for me to take a swim, but I’m not sure I have the time for that, so let’s press on and see what else was locked behind this iron door.

Wait… who locks up a waterfall behind an iron door in the first place? I mean really?

Oh, nice I’m back near the troll bridge, that will make a quick loop around when I go back to get the eggs so I can cross the bridge again. Useful that. Well, while I’m here I might as well take care of the first part of that, one less thing to worry about. I’ll get some fresh oil on the way back to get the eggs.

Don’t worry eggs, you’ll be back soon! For now though I’m just going to go back to the giant’s room and get the eggs again. I’ll wait until I’m there to say the magic words, it will be more impressive that way!

Welcome back to me eggs, did you miss me in the few short moments that you were out of my possession? I know I missed you but now you’re safe and sound back with me again. Though the lamp is getting a bit dim, that’s a little worrisome, I need to go about getting that fixed, luckily I have the oil with me!

Hum… it almost looks like the game didn’t expect anyone to be trying to combine the oil and the lamp. That’s not a good thing I guess the oil isn’t the way to fix this. So what should I do… I need to think about this one for a little bit.

I would have to guess that the lamp isn’t an oil lamp. It’s just a brass lamp, though I have to admit that does imply it’s an oil lamp. Still if it’s not an oil lamp what sort of lamp would it be? Well, in the normal scheme of things I would take a flashlight down here, so if it was getting dim I would just replace the batteries.

Wait a second, batteries? You don’t think… but that would be…. I mean, really, what are the odds if that’s really the case. If this lamp is battery powered, what are the chances that the crazy vending machine in the maze is the way to get fresh batteries. Normally there would be no reason for that at all, but yet there it is. If that works… I mean, really, if that works?!

Well, there’s not much for it other than trying to get to the machine. I just need some coins… damn and the only coins I have are the rare coins I found ages and ages ago. That’s just mean game, that’s just mean.

Okay, back to the pump house!

Well the trident is safely tucked away, but I need to take the coins. Dang it, I didn’t want to lose any more points than I had to. Still, there’s no helping it.

Goodbye coins, I’ll miss you and the lovely five points you would have given me for the end of the game. Dang it all to heck anyways.

There we go, that fixed it. One lamp back in working order without the risk of dying from the darkness. Still, it sucks that I had to give up my coins to fix the lamp. I guess that’s the punishment for dorking around exploring the cave instead of looting it. I’m sure there is a way to get a perfect score, but I honestly have no idea if it’s even possible. I just want to finish the game first!

Okay, now that I’m done with that, it’s time to get back to dealing with the other side of the troll bridge.

Good, I was honestly a bit worried the that troll would come back as soon as I took the eggs back. I’m glad to see that wasn’t the case. First off, to the spices.

Getting better all the time!

And back here again, now that I have the keys (I do have the keys, right) I can take care of this. This should be a snap.

Oh, he’s officially a ‘tame’ bear now huh? Oh well, he’s free now so he can find his own food.

Wow… I’m taking a bear around with me. I wonder if he counts as a treasure as well? Either way, he’s mine now, I wonder what the dragon would have made of this, I would have paid to see that, killing a dragon with a bear. That would have been epic! Almost as epic as finding a way to trick the dragon into killing itself with ice, very few dragon related things are more epic then that.

Now to give the troll my magic eggs… I wonder, I have a bear hear, and there is a troll there. I can’t attack it with my axe, but it might be worth seeing what happens if I attack it with my bear!

That was FAR more satisfying than simply using the egg trick for a second time. Thank you bear, you saved some the trouble of tricking him for a second time, and as I didn’t lose any points from throwing you (and how does one throw a bear? I would love to see a picture of that) I guess you’re not treasure, so I’ll leave you to your business… whatever that maybe.

Yeah, the egg trick would have worked again, but this was clearly the better choice.

One more trip to the well house to drop off some goodies.

That was quite the hull this time. We still have a little bit to go, there are a couple places left to go here, but only one is really useful. It’s time to work out how to get through that to small crack. Though I’m going to take a break for a couple hours, though any suggestions would be worthwhile!

Puzzles:
South from bedquilt
East from the Alcove

You are carrying:
a set of keys
a dwarvish axe
a small bottle
some bottled oil
a brass lantern (providing light)

Treasure:
A Persian Rug (stained with Dragon’s Blood)
A Large Gold Nugget
Rare Coins
Fine cut Diamonds
A pearl from what looked like a clam
An overly fragile ming vase on a pillow
Some dusty precious jewelry
A few bars of silver
A treasure chest of my very own!
One giant clam opener… I mean trident
Magic teleporting golden eggs
A gold chain from a bear
Tasty spices

You have so far scored 243 out of a possible 350, in 397 turns, earning you the rank of Junior Master.

Deaths: 2 (Trying to fly, Running out of lamp)

Well, it looks like there really is only one more place to go from here, and that’s back down into the deepest part of the cave and see if I can work out how to get through the crack in the wall. Getting there should be easy, getting through is the hard part.

Of course it’s never really that simple, is it?

Well, that’s another dwarf down, I wonder how many there are in this cave. Judging by everything else, I would have to hazard that there is seven in total. Really, it would probably fit in with everything else, right? Let’s see, how many have I killed… um… I think that’s five of them in total, so if I’m right there are two more somewhere out there. I hope to avoid them if at all possible.

Luckily I was able to make it to my destination without being harmed.

Really, I don’t have many choices here. The axe, keys and the bottle are pretty small, that pretty much leaves the lantern as the thing that’s keeping me from going through. Now as this is a classic sort of game that means there is only one sort of puzzle that will be on the other side, and it’s the evil sort of puzzle to.

Okay cave, let’s have it.

Okay, it’s not just the lamp, it looks like it’s anything at all. Great, that’s just what I need.

And there it is, the dark room I can’t slip a lamp into unless I find a hidden way into here. I really hate item juggling puzzles like this one. Now I just need to find a way to get in and out of this room but I can’t see anything obvious. There’s no way to climb down into here, and all we have is a dark room to the north-east. This is hardly the best place to be stuck at this late in the day.

And what the heck is a plover? I’ve never…

What the hell!! Did the light just go out… or did something else happen. I mean… what the heck? Okay don’t panic I’m stuck in darkness. Well… what did I do? I didn’t say a magic word, at least not one I know about. On the other hand I did say plover, that’s odd enough…

Well, okay, it looks like that is a magic word. How was I suppose to even know that in the first place? I mean really, am I just expected to go around saying the names of rooms to see if anything happens. Let’s be honest here, that’s crazy! And looks like the egg stayed behind when I used it, so that won’t help me get out with it.

The long and short of it is, YES you are expected to say the name of every room. In fact this is one of those things that never really makes it into ports like this. In the original game you could move by not only using the directions but by saying the name of an adjacent room. The idea is that somewhere along the line you would accidentally use the name of this room in the room, and that’s how you discover the exit. There are no clues, no hints, no nothing. In short it’s only just a hair more bullshit then the last lousy point.

Well, I’ll grab the egg and see if I can at least wedge it back out through the crack. Eggs are pretty dang small so I suspect that I should be able to get out with it.

Well, that’s good. I’ll get this baby back to the well house and then try to work out where ‘plover’ takes me.

Well, that’s that, now I just need to work out where Plover comes out at. I wish I could have taken something into the plover room, then I could have dropped it in the darkness and search for it later, but I guess that’s just a bit too easy.

Wow… that was oddly easy. I honestly didn’t expect it to work in the very first room I tried. Um… thank you oddly magical cave?

You’re welcome. Oh look, more treasures!

Wow, that’s a big bonus for finding this treasure… and what does it mean that the cave is closing soon? I better get back to the well house because I don’t like the sound of that in the least!

Well, that’s safely tucked away… so now what. The only puzzle left is getting to the sound of bedquilt and things are still happen down in the cave. I better get down there and see what I can find. Though I better see if I can get out before the cave closer… whatever that means in this context.

Not that I can do much, I’m just going around and around in circles and I’m not getting anywhere. I’m starting to think there isn’t any way you can get south of bedquilt.

Wha…. I mean… where am I? It looks like where they keep all the stuff to populate the cave. I guess that way it resets whenever someone else comes in looking for treasures, but still, what the heck? Am I even suppose to be here? This is more than a little bit crazy, and my inventory is empty. Damn it, well I’ll get everything and see what we can see.

Quite the collection of oddball stuff, but everything is pretty much the same as what I found in the cave itself. Well, other than the black rod with the rusty mark at the end. I’ve never seen that before. Not that taking a closer look at it tells us anything. In fact nothing seems to tell us anything… well, almost nothing.

I wonder if that means the magic words are different here… let’s try it.

Seriously, what the heck? What else am I suppose to try? I can’t just be trying to throw around words in the hopes that something will happen. Damn it, that isn’t even much of a clue! In fact it’s a pretty useless clue because outside of the magic words what else is there that’s special? Damn it… okay, I just need to think about this. It’s not like the help tells me anything useful about what commands I can use, so I have to guess.

The directions are all out, they all work as expected.

As does waving all the rods.

I don’t have enough items to do anything useful with. All we have is the dumb rod with a mark on the end and that tells me nothing at all. What I really wish is that I had some dynamite, then I can blast that…

What the fuck was that? I mean really, blast? Blast is a magic word… and enough to kill me I might as well add. Really, there was even less clues to that then there was to the plover room. You know what, if I find this hollow voice I’m going to blast him all over this cave!

I honestly had to look this one up, I mean really, what the hell?

Okay, so relax… oh look, I’m alive again. Yay… okay so it looks like I do have some dynamite in the way of the black rod, so I’m going to try plowing up the vault door with it. But you know what, I’m not going to stay in the same room with it, I doubt that will be good for my further health.

All right my elvish minions, take me forward onto my next adventure! With all this treasure I have, I’m ceritan there is so much more that I can do then explore a cave in Kentucky. I bet I could even buy myself a nice little piece of land, maybe a white house and an underground empire…

No, that would be silly. Instead I’m going to buy a space ship! To the pawn shop!

Treasure:
A Persian Rug (stained with Dragon’s Blood)
A Large Gold Nugget
Rare Coins
Fine cut Diamonds
A pearl from what looked like a clam
An overly fragile ming vase on a pillow
Some dusty precious jewelry
A few bars of silver
A treasure chest of my very own!
One giant clam opener… I mean trident
Magic teleporting golden eggs
A gold chain from a bear
Tasty spices
An egg sized emerald
An eight inch tall platinum pyramid

Deaths: 4 (Trying to fly, Running out of lamp, Blasting myself, lava onto snakes)

Hum, the game offers to provide us some "Did you know" information now that I've won. Let's see what it is...

Yes, it was useless wasn't it?

And that concludes the Let’s Play of Advent, AKA Colossal Cave. I hope you enjoyed the show, I had a pretty good time with this one myself and this is the very first time I’ve actually won the game. Though I am still slightly annoyed about having to look up the word blast, I mean really, did the game expect me to yell at it at some point in time?

As a game it’s pretty good, but some of the puzzles are a bit painful and the lack of clues in places just makes everything harder. The only excuse the game has is that it was the first real text adventure game and didn’t know what shouldn’t be done. Most games after this were at least smart enough to clue you in on things instead of having you guess at magic words.

For myself, I learned a lot doing this Let’s Play and I have plans to make my next one ever better and a little bit different…



See you Space Cowboy…

If you ever look at the game source, it comes stocked with a (very short) dictionary of swear words and occasionally witty replies to them. Presumably the authors of the game assumed that you'd try swearing at some point, then try euphemisms to see what happened.