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Old 06-12-2015, 09:45 AM
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Default We're gonna talk about goddamn centaurs now

Okay so fucking Centuars, right? Half guy half horse, right?

WRONG MOTHERFUCKER!

Centuars are half a guy and ALL OF A HORSE EXCEPT THE HEAD. I'd estimate That's like at least 85% of the horse! That means our total is like 135% which is WAY TOO GODDAMN MUCH.

So what the fuck?
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Old 06-12-2015, 09:49 AM
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Centaurs.

(Cent**rs?)
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Old 06-12-2015, 09:52 AM
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We are talking about these things, right?

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Old 06-12-2015, 09:52 AM
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This is the thread for Centuars, pheonixes, soliders, and pharoahs.

And cactaurs.
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Old 06-12-2015, 09:53 AM
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I just linked this like a month or so ago:

Centaurs, man.

It answers all of your questions about centaurs (and brings up a dozen more).
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Old 06-12-2015, 09:54 AM
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Man if I wanted to know what some INTERNET ASSHOLE thought I would have asked them!

No man.

I asked YOU.
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Old 06-12-2015, 09:55 AM
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I think there are surprisingly few films and games about centaurs.
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Old 06-12-2015, 09:57 AM
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Quote:
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Old 06-12-2015, 09:58 AM
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Old 06-12-2015, 10:03 AM
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Here's my problem with centaurs

The front part is always a good-looking buff dude wearing absolutely nothing. This is great

So I'm like "mmhmm, yeah, okay, go on" as my eyes slide lasciviously down his form. Chest, abs, navel, everything looking good, A+

But then we head south from there, and the landmark tourist attraction in that area of the male body is not present

it's just more torso, which gradually fades into horse torso

horso

And then it's just horse the whole rest of the way! And I realize oh, yeah, I'm actually miles away from where that actually is. And I probably don't want it. You know, considering.

Centaurs are deeply disappointing.
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Old 06-12-2015, 10:06 AM
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Why couldn't it be the other type of centaur, with the horse part on top and the man part on the bottom?
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Old 06-12-2015, 10:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Excitemike View Post
Why couldn't it be the other type of centaur, with the horse part on top and the man part on the bottom?
Because NSFW.



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Old 06-12-2015, 10:22 AM
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Quote:
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Why couldn't it be the other type of centaur, with the horse part on top and the man part on the bottom?
Isn't that the plot of Hotline Miami?
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Old 06-12-2015, 10:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aturtledoesbite View Post
Isn't that the plot of Hotline Miami?
You might be thinking of Bojack Horseman.
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Old 06-12-2015, 11:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vaeran View Post
And then it's just horse the whole rest of the way! And I realize oh, yeah, I'm actually miles away from where that actually is. And I probably don't want it. You know, considering.
Could you imagine, though? Winding up like Mr. Hands. Dude wanting that Centaur D like nothing else, willing to die for centaur dick.
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Old 06-12-2015, 11:41 AM
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I can sympathize.
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Old 06-12-2015, 11:44 AM
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Man, centaurs have bugged me for a long time. You've got most of a human body attached to most of a horse body, so you're doubling up on a lot of internal organs - two hearts, four lungs, like twenty stomachs, Poseidon only knows how many kidneys. Can you even fill two humans lungs AND two horse lungs through a human windpipe or are centaurs just constantly panting and wheezing?

And what about diet? What about digestion? Does anything they eat go through the human stomach and into the human intestines, then into the horse stomachs for extra super-digestion? How much food do they need to support 70% of a human body and 93% of a horse body? How much of their time has to be spent eating to get that much food through a human mouth? Does that leave enough time for them to breathe?

And the babies! Horse babies are up and running within the hour of their birth. Human babies stay floppy for years. This is not a good combination.

Centaurs are a mess, guys.
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Old 06-12-2015, 12:05 PM
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I was yelling about Centuars on twitter all morning but after reading Lucas's post I realize I have not even scratched the surface.

We need to go deeper.
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Old 06-12-2015, 12:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucas View Post
Centaurs are a mess, guys.
Now imagine winged centaurs. Where do you attach the wings --on the human torso, or the horse's?
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Old 06-12-2015, 12:11 PM
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You just prompted me to do a Google image search for "winged centaur", and now I'm blind. *begins weeping quietly*
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  #21  
Old 06-12-2015, 01:01 PM
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A centaur is a four-dimensional man riding a four-dimensional horse. The horse's head and the man's pelvis & legs are just hidden. They eat and breathe and defecate on their own.
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Old 06-12-2015, 01:11 PM
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No, that's a fawn.

God, just

Get it right.
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  #23  
Old 06-12-2015, 01:13 PM
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Default I note there isn't a lot of discussion about centaur ladies

Sure, we here in the west have the regular fantasy/myth standard centaur:



But we don't seem to have any discussion about non-traditional centaurs.



Or domestic centaurs.



As usual, Japan is way ahead of us in thinking about these things. Especially in terms of mating habits.

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  #24  
Old 06-12-2015, 01:16 PM
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Buge,

What is that second one even supposed to be half human and half reptilian centipede?
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  #25  
Old 06-12-2015, 01:18 PM
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Buge I said CENTAURS not CETALLIGATORS.

I'm not mad but I am disappointed.
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  #26  
Old 06-12-2015, 01:33 PM
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According to CS Lewis's Narnia books;

Quote:
"Oaten cakes, apples, herbs, wine, and cheese formed the staple of a Centaur's diet. Centaurs had two stomachs, one of a horse and one of a man, so they had to fill both of these stomachs, making inviting a Centaur over for the week-end a serious thing. Their breakfast might include porridge, pavendors, kidneys, bacon, an omelette, cold ham, toast, marmalade, coffee and beer. They then graze for an hour before eating hot mash, some oats and a bag of sugar."
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Old 06-12-2015, 01:38 PM
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So Centaurs are hobbits at dinnertime.

Which, given Tolkien and Lewis's friendship, doesn't surprise me.
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  #28  
Old 06-12-2015, 01:42 PM
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I feel like it would be incredibly awkward for a Centaur to graze. Like, do they have to lay on their sides? Or is the human torso jointed so that their head can reach the grass?
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  #29  
Old 06-12-2015, 01:50 PM
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Griffins mock centaurs from high in the sky. And by "high" I mean "after they spend a good four hours climbing onto a mountain and then gliding". And by "mock" I mean "screech relentlessly, and also mimic local noises such as the colorful expletive-laden language of the goblins".

They're still better off than centaurs, though.
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  #30  
Old 06-12-2015, 01:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Büge View Post
As usual, Japan is way ahead of us in thinking about these things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kishi View Post

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a horse splashes , bestiality? , body horror , centuar , deep thinking , demihuman , human centaurpede , i say thee neigh , keyboard vomit from beat

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