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Old 01-15-2012, 08:30 AM
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Default Evangelion Home Shopping Network

(as featured in #TalkingTime)



Here we see the "Rei and Asuka bottled water." Nothing improves the taste of fresh, clear mountain spring water like drinking it from the neck hole of a mentally-unsound pubescent girl's limbless torso. I personally think these containers could have been put to better use containing orange juice.
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Old 01-15-2012, 08:31 AM
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Presented for your consideration: the Ayanami Rei soap dish. This is just one of several available designs; a collection that includes the above-pictured Rei despondently gazing into her empty hands and wearing a towel while bathing for some reason, Misato drinking beer while taking a relaxing soak, and Asuka slitting her wrists and staring at the clouds floating above the broken and discarded remains of what was once a lovely countryside home.
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Old 01-15-2012, 08:32 AM
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The Rei and Asuka bicycles, for your amusement. The lightweight frame and garish colour scheme suggests the basic outline of each character, with the only notable difference between the two being the Asuka bike's traditional drop handlebars compared to the Rei bike's risers. Perhaps this is meant as a subtle conveyance of their emotional state in bicycle form? We may never know the designer's true intentions. Notice that these bicycles only have one (extremely low) gear, ensuring that your friends and coworkers will have plenty of time to watch you pass by on your stunning new bicycle!
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Old 01-15-2012, 08:38 AM
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Don't forget the proper safety equipment! Gainax provides us with two different helmet designs for style and comfort. Both have snaps across the front I assume meant to accommodate a visor, and each comes with a NERV-branded drawstring carrying bag. Available in the traditional Unit-01 design scheme or in a slick minimalist NERV design. The NERV design is branded across the forehead with a decal reading "EVA PRODUCT," in case there was ever any doubt in the minds of passers-by as you glide past them on your Evangelion bicycle. But your headgear isn't all they'll notice...
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Old 01-15-2012, 08:40 AM
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Style and comfort await you in the Evangelion spandex bicycle shorts! These shorts are breathable and stretchable to accommodate the modern Evangelion fanatic. Spectators will marvel at your shapely legs and clearly-visible junk. Wear them together with the Unit-01 helmet for a matching outfit; use the resulting conversation-starter to prompt lengthy discussions amongst your friends and family as to why the designers would deliberately invert traditional sensibilities by designing the bicycles after the pilots and the rider accesories after the Eva units. Perhaps truly it is the Evas who are masters of their pilots?
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Old 01-15-2012, 08:42 AM
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Listen to your music in comfort and fidelity with the Evangelion circumaural headphones. These adjustable wired headphones have a sporty design based on a streamlining of the classic Unit-01 design scheme around each earpiece. The top band reads "Evangelion" in subtle glossy letters against the matte finish of the headband, so even passing helicopter pilots will be able to recognize your love of Neon Genesis Evangelion.
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Old 01-15-2012, 08:43 AM
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...Of course, if the circumaural model is too bulky for your active lifestyle, Gainax also offers these handsome intraural models, designed after the trademark Interface Headset or "A10 nerve clips," presented here in both colours presented in the original series, low-key white and a brash in-your-face red.
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Old 01-15-2012, 08:46 AM
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Keep your tootsies toasty with Evangelion ankle socks! The vivid Unit-01 socks are embossed with a rubberized NERV logo on the sole for a non-slip surface. Or you can adorn your feet with an adorable machine-stitched representation of Lillith, the horrifying crucified angel sealed away in the deepest confines of NERV, whose blood serves as the life-sustaining LCL fluid present in all the Eva Units.
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Old 01-15-2012, 08:48 AM
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Keep your money as secure as NERV's subterranean GeoFront cavern headquarters with the Evangelion coin bank. Unit-01's enormous plastic head flips open from the jaw to reveal a coin slot and password array. This custom-moulded bank is guaranteed to withstand dropping, break-in attempts, and fire damage. It may or may not resist SEELE military coups.
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  #10  
Old 01-15-2012, 08:50 AM
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The understated colour scheme of the Unit-01 keyboard will leave your coworkers puzzled as to why it has such an unusual colour scheme. The low-profile scissor keys are quiet and comfortable, and the keyboard has a full QWERTY layout with a side number pad, perfect for any use from gaming to word processing.
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Old 01-15-2012, 08:54 AM
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The stylish and sophisticated NERV cell phone is guaranteed not to drop calls. The sturdy plastic casing has a built-in external digital clock and an easy flip design made to look like something right out of 1997. I'm particularly fond of the tri-colour display with its striking black background and the painted details on the outside of the casing. Can be charged via USB.
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Old 01-15-2012, 08:57 AM
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These Evangelion entry plug chopsticks are a fun way to add excitement to your meals. Shown here in the Unit-01 design, they are also available in a variety of other Units' token colours. Made of sturdy materials that will hold up to repeated usage.
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:01 AM
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This Evangelion mouse and mousepad set is modelled after the classic appearance of Sachiel, the third angel, in its dramatic opening appearance. The generously-sized mousepad simulates its body while the PC and Mac-compatible mouse represents its head. Two buttons and a scrollwheel for maximum convenience; wired for long-lasting reliability.
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:04 AM
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This sweet and rich Evangelion chocolate cake is not only modelled after NERV's Geofront headquarters, but also includes a Rei Ayanami figurine and accompanying Lance of Longinus fork. Dig in!
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:04 AM
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Every time I reload there's a new post.

You forgot to mention that the entry plug chopsticks have tiny tiny pilots inside a little plastic window at the blunt end.
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:08 AM
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And what better way to eat your Evangelion cake than on the Evangelion dinner plate! Modelled again after Lillith, the second angel, this plate is carefully hand-painted and moulded to the exact details of the fallen angel if it were also a giant dinner plate. Also includes a Lance of Longinus-theme fork and knife set. Hand-wash only.
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Parish View Post
Every time I reload there's a new post.

You forgot to mention that the entry plug chopsticks have tiny tiny pilots inside a little plastic window at the blunt end.
The best part is that I'm finding most of these by accident. And I didn't even notice the tiny Shinji!




The Evangelion kimono screams "I'm classy enough to wear a formal kimono, yet also an Evangelion fan." Adorned with stencilled imagery of Unit-01 in various fighting poses and bright colours. Impress your friends with its understated chic, and by being able to recognize which poses come from the "Dance Like You Want To Win" scene.
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:14 AM
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I would totally buy a pair of those Lillith socks.
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:16 AM
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This leather-bound NERV-branded Evangelion calculator adds... your, uh... numbers. Or whatever.

CALCULATE ONLY
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:22 AM
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The Evangelion pocket knife is equipped to deal with everything life can throw at you, complete with file and mini-scissors. Includes a loop for attaching to a belt or keychain, and marked with both the Victrinox and NERV logos. Note: Evangelion pocket knife does not vibrate at ultrasonic frequencies.
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:27 AM
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Not a fan of Evangelion, but would totally buy that keyboard if they had a mechanical version.
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:27 AM
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Rock out with the Evangelion guitar! These special limited-edition guitars are produced by Fender, one each of a Stratocaster and Telecaster, each painted with half of Rei's blank expression. Your fans will feel her dead eyes boring into them as you perform your half-drunken karaoke-esque rendition of "Cruel Angel's Thesis." Picks not included.
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:29 AM
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I kind of want the Sachiel mouse.
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:30 AM
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The cell phone's actually kind of neat looking. The rest I could live without (knowing existed).
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:31 AM
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The Evangelion scarf is machine-stitched in an oblong checker pattern with a subtle NERV logo woven into one of the ends. This scarf is long-lasting and made to endure the harsh, cold winters that post-Second Impact Japan is universally recognized for.
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:33 AM
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HOW DID YOU FORGET



HOW
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:36 AM
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I was getting to the shoes.




The Panasonic F8 NERV Red notebook computer is the kind of rugged business laptop that every Evangelion fan needs. The F8 is powered by a Core 2 Duo SP9400 at 2.4Ghz, has 2GB of RAM with optional WAM and WiMax. Try it with the surprising abundance of Evangelion-branded computer accessories!
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:39 AM
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The Evangelion-branded solid oak coaster set is guaranteed to protect your furniture and withstand any sort of spill, from your Evangelion-branded water to the LCL that will consume the world in the event of human instrumentality. Available in a set of three striking designs. Hand-wash only.
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:39 AM
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holy mother fucking balls
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:40 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zodar View Post
HOW DID YOU FORGET
I so hope "japan.otaku" becomes its own domain. That way we can segregate those who would actually buy those shoes into their own portion of the internet.

I mean, I'm for net neutrality and all... but I have limits.
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