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  #31  
Old 03-25-2009, 03:06 AM
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No!


Quote:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
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  #32  
Old 03-25-2009, 05:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Beat View Post
I once hit a rabbit with a car. I didn't mean to.

Nature has yet to retaliate. It's probably planning something appropriately terrible.
I once hit a bear with a truck. So far the score is KCar: 1 - Bears: 0

The problem is that in the event of a tie, I lose.
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  #33  
Old 03-25-2009, 06:31 AM
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Then you must begin your pre-emptive strike against the bears.

We're gonna need a bigger truck.
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  #34  
Old 03-25-2009, 06:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cracked.com
On four recorded occasions in the last 50 years, chimpanzees have abducted, killed and eaten human babies... We are not making this up.
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  #35  
Old 03-25-2009, 07:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Kishi View Post
No!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
If I was that guy, that's what I would be doing. The scariest thing I can think of actually happening is being stuck in a deep-sea vessel while giant, horrific fish stare at me.
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  #36  
Old 03-25-2009, 09:05 AM
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Man, some of those scary pictures are awesome. As stated earlier, they do look like Final Fantasy bosses. I imagine they're not particularly aggressive or bloodthirsty. At least not any more than those cute critters hanging around the trees near where you live.

Personally, I'm some what of an animal lover myself. Since my hours at work have been slashed and I've been dealing with higher levels of stress, I've been volunteering at an animal shelter a couple times per week. I find it to be quite an effective stress reliever, at least temporarily.
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  #37  
Old 03-25-2009, 01:03 PM
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Originally Posted by SuperRube View Post
Wow, I was kind of unaware that Cracked went from a kind of lamer version of Mad and became a series of documentaries on "Animals that will eat you and possibly your family with little provocation"

Not saying this is a bad thing. Just musing.
cracked absorbed the much-funnier Pointless Waste of Time a few years ago, and the two sort of nullified each other
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  #38  
Old 03-25-2009, 01:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Zodar View Post
cracked absorbed the much-funnier Pointless Waste of Time a few years ago, and the two sort of nullified each other
That'd be why I found the writing style so familiar.

The reason is this and this alone. It has nothing to do with the fact that all humor websites are written in almost exactly the same style in this post Seanbaby/Something Awful/Someone else I'm probably forgetting internet, OH NO.
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  #39  
Old 03-25-2009, 01:33 PM
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Originally Posted by Adrenaline View Post
If I was that guy, that's what I would be doing. The scariest thing I can think of actually happening is being scuba diving while giant, horrific fish stare at me.
Being in a vessel where they (probably) can't get to you? That would be awesome.

The best thing about those grouper pics is that you're diving and you're all like "oh hey a pretty school of small fish" and then suddenly the grouper charges out from the middle of them and before you can blink you're staring down a mouth that can easily swallow your head whole and even if it's a big fat relatively slow fish you're still in its element and easy prey.
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  #40  
Old 03-25-2009, 01:39 PM
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Originally Posted by SuperRube View Post
The reason is this and this alone. It has nothing to do with the fact that all humor websites are written in almost exactly the same style in this post Seanbaby/Something Awful/Someone else I'm probably forgetting internet, OH NO.
Cracked, Pointless Waste of Time, Something Awful, The BEAST and whatever other humor website out there are all fourth-rate clones of a Vice magazine.
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  #41  
Old 03-25-2009, 01:40 PM
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Okay, I've just read the entire list.

I am so friggin' glad I live on an island with a climate that makes it so none of those monsters can come and get me!
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  #42  
Old 03-25-2009, 02:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucas View Post
Being in a vessel where they (probably) can't get to you? That would be awesome.
There's too much pressure when SCUBA diving to get deep enough to see the real scary shit.
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  #43  
Old 03-26-2009, 02:48 AM
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Originally Posted by OctoPrime View Post
Okay, I've just read the entire list.

I am so friggin' glad I live on an island with a climate that makes it so none of those monsters can come and get me!
Living in Alaska is great because I can be a complete wimp about creepy-crawlies and nobody ever finds out. Meanwhile, whenever people in the lower 48 freak out about a cold spell, I get to point and laugh.
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  #44  
Old 03-26-2009, 03:35 AM
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It's weird that even on a list surrounded by animals which will kill you slowly in great agony it's the penis fish that freaks me out the most.
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  #45  
Old 03-26-2009, 04:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ravinoff View Post
...the less fatal but perhaps even more terrifying Irukandji jellyfish (Carukia barnesi) which is capable of inflicting "one of the most painful experiences a human can endure".
Quote:
In order to prove that the jellyfish was the cause of the syndrome, he captured one and deliberately stung himself, his son, and a local lifeguard, and observed the symptoms.
Clearly man is the real monster here.
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  #46  
Old 03-26-2009, 05:04 AM
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I'm hoping he asked for permission first.
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  #47  
Old 03-26-2009, 11:21 AM
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That amoeba was supposed to have killed a kid around here who went swimming in the lake. This is what they told me in middle school and everything people told me in middle school has always been 100% factual.
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  #48  
Old 03-26-2009, 11:32 AM
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Quote:
Swan (Anatidae Cygnus, dozens of subspecies)
A swan chased my sister when she was very small and bit her and probably would have done more horrible things to her if my dad hadn't grabbed her by the collar and ran like hell.

I, of course, found this hilarious at age 7. I was a malicious bastard.
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  #49  
Old 03-26-2009, 11:37 AM
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Swans are total bastards.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shawn View Post
every animal in Australia wants to dissolve you from the inside out, including the sheep.
There's a great section in Bill Bryson's book on Australia (In a Sunburned Country) that goes into this at some length. As I understand it, Australia is already a postapocalyptic land of terror: the coasts are filled with more horrifically deadly creatures than anywhere else on the planet, and the deep outback is a blasted wasteland that even those monstrosities cannot survive in.

I'll just go get it from my bookshelf... hey, what's that skritching sound?

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  #50  
Old 03-26-2009, 12:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Mazian View Post
Swans are total bastards.
Yep. I was impressed when I discovered that an adult swan's wingbeat has enough force to break a grown man's arm.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mazian
I'll just go get it from my bookshelf... hey, what's that skritching sound?
I loved that book, and now I'm wondering what that thing is. I'm assuming it's aquatic, but I have to admit that I'm not sure how to start classifying it past that. It's been too damn long since I took a bio course that wasn't cellular or sub-cellular :P
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  #51  
Old 03-26-2009, 03:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Phantoon View Post
It's weird that even on a list surrounded by animals which will kill you slowly in great agony it's the penis fish that freaks me out the most.
The idea of any fish swimming into my penis and slowly killing me freaks me out a lot more than big scary animals I can at least try to evade.

I don't count the amoeba bc I don't go swimming.
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  #52  
Old 03-26-2009, 03:57 PM
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animals are fucking awesome and you should want them alive

unfortunately this is getting harder every year, oceanic acidity levels are rising higher and higher, that and overfishing will probably leave us with a severely diminished, inedible "seafood" population, dramatic loss of biodiversity, and a metric shitload of acid-tolerant jellyfish, algae and bacteria. in the early 1900s, the annual tuna migration was the largest movement of biomass on the planet, and we've managed to destroy 95% of it since then

international fishing laws allow more advanced nations to fish off the coasts of countries if said country isn't "using the full potential of its resources" (hello, africa), starving 3rd-world villages that feed almost solely on fish, forcing them to use destructive tactics like cyanide-squirts and explosives to meet the sustenance quotia (the pirates of somalia are heroes in this regard)

the great barrier reef will probably be a bleached skeleton by 2050

the best ways to combat this, by which i mean "keep things the way they are and pray to god they don't get worse," require non-fishing zones that cover at least 30% of the ocean (preferably policed by the UN navy), illegalization of fishing during established breeding seasons to let the populations regrow, and maximum-size laws on caught fish to ensure that the largest, healthiest of the breed can carry on their genes during said breeding seasons

this would actually be beneficial for the fishing industry, since a more consistently high population means less need for bailout funds that encourage them to fish in the breeding seasons, permanently cutting away the population of their fish and ensuring lighter nets in the future

i wouldn't be surprised if marine biologists have the highest suicide/alcoholism rates of any scientific career

but then again, fuck the ocean!!! nuke it with fire from orbit
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  #53  
Old 03-26-2009, 03:59 PM
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i am angry about this!!! stone-cold raging in this thread
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  #54  
Old 03-26-2009, 04:01 PM
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considering that oceanic acidity levels are rising most rapidly in the deeper parts of the ocean, this guy will probably be dead in a few decades
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  #55  
Old 03-26-2009, 04:05 PM
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This thread has had me searching the net trying to find out what the fuck that is so many times now. What is that living skeleton?
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  #56  
Old 03-26-2009, 05:40 PM
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It's a great old one.
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  #57  
Old 03-26-2009, 06:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beat View Post
It's both disturbing and disgusting at the same time.
re: Zodar, I never said I wanted all these strange deadly creatures dead; just that they are horrifying and I know they are plotting against us at this very moment.
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  #58  
Old 03-26-2009, 06:07 PM
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These things want me dead.
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  #59  
Old 03-26-2009, 06:15 PM
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Did.. did someone say spiders?

Hunting spiders - which the wolf spider is one, and most any jumping spider - freak me right out. Most spiders just sit in their webs and wait for movement, yeah? Hunting spiders watch you. They'll turn to follow you as you move. Was living at a place that had tonnes of these micro-guys, probably no bigger than your thumbnail, but they were all over the grass around a fountain, and they'd jump on and off you real quick, and you'd back up and they'd skitter a little ways.. backwards, making sure to keep you in sight.

Hey, what's that sound?

The infamous clock spider! Actually it's a huge huntsman spider.




This one is a wolf spider. It's a mommy. You can tell because she is covered in her babies



This one is.. well, it's just heartwarming, you know?



.....

....

...

..

.

.









skitterskitter
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  #60  
Old 03-26-2009, 06:19 PM
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Great, you guys had to bring spiders into this, now I'm gonna have to avoid my own thread :[
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bird-on-bird violence , chitinous bastards , eel feels , facehuggers , le*pards , nature , nightmare fuel , ominous orchestral swell , paul is dead , save the last bullet , somethin gross , too many legs , what are birds?

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