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  #1  
Old 03-24-2009, 07:23 PM
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Default Animals are Terrifying and Want You Dead

Why do I read such horrifying internet articles?

There's an amoeba that will suck on your delicious brain until you die.

Life is terrifying!
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  #2  
Old 03-24-2009, 07:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cortbassist89 View Post
There's an amoeba that will suck on your delicious brain until you die.
Oh, that is soooooo the first season of X-Files. Kids these days.
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  #3  
Old 03-24-2009, 07:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cortbassist89 View Post
There's an amoeba that will suck on your delicious brain until you die.
Artist rendition:

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  #4  
Old 03-24-2009, 08:04 PM
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Originally Posted by cortbassist89 View Post
I was disappointed in that article, it didn't bring up either the box jellyfish (Chironex fleckeri) or the less fatal but perhaps even more terrifying Irukandji jellyfish (Carukia barnesi) which is capable of inflicting "one of the most painful experiences a human can endure".

Quote:
Originally Posted by wikipedia
One unusual symptom associated with Irukandji syndrome is a feeling of "impending doom". Patients have been reported as being so certain that they are going to die that they beg their doctors to kill them to get it over with.
Quote:
It's like when you're in labor, having a baby, and you've reached the peak of a contraction, that absolute peak, and you feel like you just cant do it anymore, that's the minimum that (irukandji) pain is at. And it just builds from there.
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  #5  
Old 03-24-2009, 08:04 PM
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Aw, c'mon, animals are great! They like hugs. Except for insects, which are all miniature facets of The Great Beast, Satan, and should be eradicated on sight. At least, that's what I do to 'em.

Don't cotton to bugs in my abode. No sir.

Quote:
Irukandji syndrome
I amend my first statement; most animals want hugs, every animal in Australia wants to dissolve you from the inside out, including the sheep. What the hell, Australia? I kind of don't get how humans can actually live there.

Last edited by Wolfgang; 03-24-2009 at 08:17 PM.
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  #6  
Old 03-24-2009, 08:11 PM
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Natures fucking rules. Don't fuck with nature.
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  #7  
Old 03-24-2009, 08:18 PM
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I once hit a rabbit with a car. I didn't mean to.

Nature has yet to retaliate. It's probably planning something appropriately terrible.
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  #8  
Old 03-24-2009, 08:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beat View Post
I once hit a rabbit with a car. I didn't mean to.

Nature has yet to retaliate. It's probably planning something appropriately terrible.
A thousand rabbits will slam into your dick.
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  #9  
Old 03-24-2009, 08:30 PM
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Originally Posted by philliam View Post
A thousand rabbits will slam into your dick.
I like where this is going.

My town is littered with road kill. Squirrels have so mentally lost it I can approach them and have full length conversations without them scurrying away.
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  #10  
Old 03-24-2009, 10:07 PM
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I know the animals are laughing at us. I don't even know what the joke is. I won't follow animals' advice. I don't care if they're laughing at us.
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  #11  
Old 03-24-2009, 10:17 PM
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Quote:
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I know the animals are laughing at us. I don't even know what the joke is. I won't follow animals' advice. I don't care if they're laughing at us.
Are they setting a bad example?
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  #12  
Old 03-24-2009, 10:24 PM
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Re: that list:

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH.


(P.S.: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH.)
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  #13  
Old 03-24-2009, 10:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shawn View Post
Aw, c'mon, animals are great! They like hugs.
Yes, they like to hug you with their terrifying mouths of death.

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  #14  
Old 03-24-2009, 10:26 PM
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zodar horrifying walking stick post
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  #15  
Old 03-24-2009, 10:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by badgrammer View Post
Are they setting a bad example?
They're making a fool of us
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  #16  
Old 03-24-2009, 10:39 PM
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Quote:
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They're making a fool of us
They say they don't need money.
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  #17  
Old 03-24-2009, 11:30 PM
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I was shuddering just reading the article. Though I'm surprised the Guinea Worm wasn't included. But still. Eugh.
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  #18  
Old 03-24-2009, 11:35 PM
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  #19  
Old 03-25-2009, 12:05 AM
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Here's another article from about a year ago on Cracked that focuses exclusively on bugs. Makes you never want to go anywhere!
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  #20  
Old 03-25-2009, 12:33 AM
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Why thank you, Shinji. I do believe that has been burned into my mind.
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  #21  
Old 03-25-2009, 12:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wiggumbeard View Post
Why thank you, Shinji. I do believe that has been burned into my mind.
You're gonna have some fun nightmares, pal!
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  #22  
Old 03-25-2009, 12:40 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tavir View Post
Here's another article from about a year ago on Cracked that focuses exclusively on bugs. Makes you never want to go anywhere!
Even the cute ones are deadly!
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  #23  
Old 03-25-2009, 01:02 AM
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I used to read about nasty, venomous creatures like this all the time as a kid. It was scary, but I ate the stuff up because it was so fascinating. This list was horrifying, sure, but no worse then I had read before. Heck, I already knew about the stonefish!

Then I got to the last one...
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Originally Posted by Brickroad View Post
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH.


(P.S.: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH.)
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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  #24  
Old 03-25-2009, 01:08 AM
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  #25  
Old 03-25-2009, 01:41 AM
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I wasn't really sure what most Talking Tyrants would find scary so this is just kind of the scattergun approach to it.

Scatterguns, incidentally, will help with at least of few of these things.










Actually tiny and adorable.








And a series of pictures depicting a graphic polar bear attack on a human.
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  #26  
Old 03-25-2009, 01:52 AM
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Half those things look like Final Fantasy bosses.

Also, I won't read that list just now because I'm eating and would like to maintain the appetite for just a while longer.

If you'd like, you can pretend that I joined the chorus of "Aaaaaaaah!"s
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  #27  
Old 03-25-2009, 01:54 AM
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I've known about that brain eating amoeba for years now. I'm pretty sure it's helped contribute to my anxiety problem.
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  #28  
Old 03-25-2009, 02:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucas View Post
Man, cats' paws are a lot less cute when they don't have fur covering them.

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Originally Posted by Lucas View Post
Hey, it's Lynx's Feral Cats Tech!

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Originally Posted by Lucas View Post
WE ARE LEGION
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  #29  
Old 03-25-2009, 02:45 AM
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Wow, I was kind of unaware that Cracked went from a kind of lamer version of Mad and became a series of documentaries on "Animals that will eat you and possibly your family with little provocation"

Not saying this is a bad thing. Just musing.
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  #30  
Old 03-25-2009, 03:00 AM
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Honey badgers are pretty crazy. Apparently they've been known to attack snakes, get bitten, kill them, freeze through paralysis from the venom, then eat the snake after the stuff's worn off.
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bird-on-bird violence , chitinous bastards , eel feels , facehuggers , le*pards , nature , nightmare fuel , ominous orchestral swell , paul is dead , save the last bullet , somethin gross , too many legs , what are birds?

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