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  #1  
Old 03-20-2014, 05:02 PM
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Default This is just like the time I made a Family Guy thread

We have quote threads for The Simpsons and Futurama, why not one for Family Guy? Hell, it could be The Cleveland Show and American Dad too. And really I wanted to get in that title while I had it in my head.



I just spent all morning watching a VH1 special on Gwen Stefani. I don't know what a Hollaback girl is. All I know is that I want her dead.
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Old 03-20-2014, 05:16 PM
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Lois, when I'm through with them, our kids will be so smart they'll be able to program their own VCRs without spilling piping-hot gravy all over myself.
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Old 03-20-2014, 05:29 PM
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holy crap lois
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Old 03-20-2014, 05:30 PM
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Peter: Everybody, I've got bad news. We've been cancelled.
Lois: Oh, no! Peter, how could they do that?
Peter: Well, unfortunately, Lois, there's just no more room on the schedule. We've just got to accept the fact that Fox has to make room for terrific shows like Dark Angel, Titus, Undeclared, Action, That 80's Show, Wonderfalls, Fastlane, Andy Richter Controls the Universe, Skin, Girls Club, Cracking Up, The Pitts, Firefly, Get Real, FreakyLinks, Wanda at Large, Costello, The Lone Gunmen, A Minute With Stan Hooper, Normal, Ohio, Pasadena, Harsh Realm, Keen Eddie, The $treet, American Embassy, Cedric The Entertainer, The Tick, Luis and Greg the Bunny.
Lois: Is there no hope?
Peter: Well, I suppose if all those shows go down the tubes, we might have a shot.
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Old 03-20-2014, 05:33 PM
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you know how sometimes during cheer shows the crowd is supposed to shout things in response to the cheerleaders

i.e. "go" "TIGERS" etc.

if you were a person, presumably not a boy, doing this kind of reply (which might be considered a sort of subordinate position / not "in charge"), one could say you were "hollering" back

(it's not really a great song but the album is pretty good)
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  #6  
Old 03-20-2014, 05:36 PM
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Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa





Lois this is not my Batman glass.
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  #7  
Old 03-20-2014, 05:57 PM
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Shut up, Meg.
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  #8  
Old 03-20-2014, 06:13 PM
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If they just made the show be about Stewie and Brian I don't think anyone would mind much.

American Dad is still the best of the batch anyway, although I think Cosmos is going to pull ahead
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Old 03-20-2014, 06:36 PM
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You know, it is so fashionable to take a shot at Jay Leno. Look, the fact is the man is out there every bloody night with fresh material...and he's charming.
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  #10  
Old 03-20-2014, 06:46 PM
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Hello, operator? Hello? Oh god, that's right; you have to punch in the numbers nowadays. I should know this... oh, yes. 8-6-7-5-3-0-9, that's it.

...No, wait, that's not it. Damn you, Tommy Tutone!
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  #11  
Old 03-20-2014, 06:54 PM
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Default Best Stewie Ever

Ha ha ha! Oh gosh, that's funny! That's really funny! Do you write your own material? Do you? Because that is so fresh. "You are the weakest link, goodbye." You know, I've, I've never heard anyone make that joke before. Hmm. You're the first. I've never heard anyone reference, reference that outside the program before. Because that's what she says on the show right? Isn't it? "You are the weakest link, goodbye." And, and yet you've taken that and used it out of context to insult me in this everyday situation.

God what a clever, smart girl you must be, to come up with a joke like that all by yourself. That's so fresh too. Any, any Titanic jokes you want to throw at me too as long as we're hitting these phenomena at the height of their popularity? God you're so funny!
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  #12  
Old 03-20-2014, 07:06 PM
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Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.
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  #13  
Old 03-20-2014, 07:12 PM
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Long tirades that completely tear down characters is something the Family Guy writers pull off with particular elan:

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Old 03-20-2014, 07:14 PM
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I have kinda given up on family guy, but American Dad is fantastic. I feel like the "best" creative in the MacFarlane-verse went to American Dad when Family Guy was off the air, and Family Guy has never been really good since it came back.

The other show, Family Guy With More Black Jokes, is just terrible, though.
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Old 03-20-2014, 07:15 PM
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No argument here. All of mine have been from the first two seasons.

---

"This place is a paradise!"
"Sure is. 'Cept for Randy Newman."
"Randy Newman?"
"Yep. Just sits there all night and day, singin' about what he sees."
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Old 03-20-2014, 07:20 PM
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I still get more real laughs from new episodes of FG than I do from new episodes of The Simpsons, so it's hard to completely discount it, even though it long ago shed any veneer of being racist/misogynist ironically rather than being simply racist and misogynist.each of these shows would be better if their "wacky" pairing was made the focus: Stewie/Brian, obvs., but Roger/Steve is always the best part of any Family Guy episode, and Junior/Rallo stories have always been the best parts of the relatively few Cleveland Show episodes I've sat through. Junior Brown is a legit great character.
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  #17  
Old 03-20-2014, 07:28 PM
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I'm so sorry.

"So, Peter. Where do you see yourself in five years?"
[Looks at picture of Boss' family]
>Internal Monologue<"Don't say doing your wife! Don't say doing your wife!"
"Doing your...son?"
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  #18  
Old 03-20-2014, 10:34 PM
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Family Guy is way better if you treat it as an animated sketch comedy that happens to have a pretty lackluster framing story in each episode.
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Old 03-20-2014, 10:36 PM
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it's not a show, it's a Joke Delivery System

and that's okay
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  #20  
Old 03-21-2014, 02:30 AM
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Starlight Express! Starlight Express! Starlight Express! Starlight Express! Starlight Express! Starlight Express! (Stops rollerskating, angrier) Starlight Express. Starlight Express. Starlight Express. Starlight Express. Starlight Express. (Walks away)


...Starlight Express.
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  #21  
Old 03-21-2014, 02:31 AM
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Quagmire: C'mon, guys! It's game time!

Peter: Alright! This is the greatest Sunday tradition ever...except for getting all my cutaway gags ready for the week. [cutaway] Okay, my great uncle wears a ski hat all the time Griffin will be followed by Nick Nolte's handkerchief, followed by Japanese Abe Lincoln, and then Monkey Rabbi. Hey, where's the Monkey Rabbi? Here's your torah, you'll be here on Tuesday at 9:00. Check in with Shirley.

Darth Vader: You gonna need me this week?

Peter: Uh, maybe. Maybe Friday. Uh, now where are the gays?

Gay Man: Over here.

Peter: No, no, no. The really cartoony gays.

Cartoony Gay Guy: Yoooo-hoooooo!!!

Peter: There you are, we're gonna need you guys all week.
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  #22  
Old 03-21-2014, 02:33 AM
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Triple posting to say that I really liked The Cleveland Show and wish it hadn't been cancelled. It was really goofy and fun.

Did anyone see the last Family Guy episode? As with the quote I posted above, it was really sticking it to itself in places. "Conway Twitty called, he said, 'write a joke'".

Edit: One more

Chris: So did you get a lot of trim on the road?

Peter: [nodding] Chris, that's wildly inappropriate.
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  #23  
Old 03-21-2014, 03:20 AM
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I wasn't sad to see The Cleveland Show go but it was definitely better than people gave it credit for

the main problem with it was all of Cleveland's friends were boring and terrible
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Old 03-21-2014, 03:38 AM
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Stewie: [playing with his Sesame Street phone] Put me through to the Pentagon!

Phone: Do you know what sound a cow makes?

Stewie: Don't toy with me, Ernie! I've already dispatched with Mr. Hooper, I've got six armed men stationed outside Big Bird's nest, and as for Linda... well it's rather difficult for a deaf woman to hear an assassin approach, now, isn't it?
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Old 03-21-2014, 03:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mopinks View Post
I wasn't sad to see The Cleveland Show go but it was definitely better than people gave it credit for

the main problem with it was all of Cleveland's friends were boring and terrible
Yeah, it's hard to make an ensemble comedy when you only have two or three characters who are actually not-awful.
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  #26  
Old 03-21-2014, 03:53 AM
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Peter: Brian, teach me how to be a gentleman.

Brian: Well, Peter, it's not really that hard. Let's start with a polite conversation. For example, it's a pleasure to see you again. Lovely weather we're having. Now you try.

Peter: It's a pleasure to see you again. After Hogan's Heroes, Bob Crane got his skull crushed in by a friend who videotaped him having rough sex. How's that?

Brian: Wow. Perfect. My work is done. But just for the heck of it, let's try it again.
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  #27  
Old 03-21-2014, 04:17 AM
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Lois: Peter, you've never done a creative thing in your life.

Peter: That's not true. I wrote The Bonfire of the Vanities.

Lois: No, you didn't.

Peter: You win this round, Lois.

Lois: You're not being creative. You're just destroying a wonderful show.

Peter: Hey, hey. I have more creativity in my whole body than most people do before 9:00am.

Lois: The only thing you create before 9:00am is exactly what you've turned my show into.

Peter: I think my work will speak for itself. [walks out of room and comes back a few seconds later] [laughs] I just got that. A poop joke? That's real creative, Lois.

---

Peter: I'll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once.

Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing?

Peter: ...Oh yeah.
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  #28  
Old 03-21-2014, 06:08 AM
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Brimley: Hi. I'm Wilford Brimley, and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee, and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day, I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And 2 weeks ago, I ran outta vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. And then I find out my wife's been dead for 6 years. Who the hell did I hit?!
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  #29  
Old 03-21-2014, 11:05 AM
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Gasp! There's a secret message in my Alpha-Bits! It says, "Oooooooo!"

Peter, those are Cheerios.
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  #30  
Old 03-21-2014, 11:07 AM
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Peter, it's great that they picked your theme, but isn't it a little esoteric?

Esoteric?

*inside Peter's mind*

Could it mean "sexy"?

I think it's a science term.

Gentlemen, gentlement, esoteric obviously means delicious.

*back outside*

Lois, Who's the Boss is not a food!
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