Ain't He Unglamorous: Let's Play Questprobe Featuring the Hulk

[Gerad]

I choose to believe this was created by Dilbert-guy Scott Adams because it's funnier to me that way.

I like how when Hulk gets dosed with the Anti-Hulk Gas, his immediate response is to say "GAS". A very literal creature.

[Dracula]

Originally Posted by Gerad

I like how when Hulk gets dosed with the Anti-Hulk Gas, his immediate response is to say "GAS". A very literal creature.

I was noting elsewhere that it seems like law that if characters are being exposed to harmful gas, one of them needs to exclaim "GAS!" or "IT'S GAS!" before the action begins. This especially holds true in comic books and comic book media.

[Gerad]

Originally Posted by Dracula

I was noting elsewhere that it seems like law that if characters are being exposed to harmful gas, one of them needs to exclaim "GAS!" or "IT'S GAS!" before the action begins. This especially holds true in comic books and comic book media.

Makes sense! It's cool that his game is being consistent with the original medium like that!

[muteKi]

IF they remade this game for the modern day I feel like they'd be obligated to, while in Hulk mode, echo successful typed commands in all caps prefaced with "HULK"

Like, with some text adventures you get confirmation like
">Take Lamp
You take the lamp. The lamp is warm, as though it had been used recently, but based on its dulled exterior, seems to have not been well-cared for"

whereas here it would be
"HULK TAKE LAMP
HULK LIKE WARM FEELING. WHY LAMP NOT SHINY?"

[Johnny Unusual]

Questprobe featuring The Hulk

Issue #2
Journey into Misery!

Last issue, the Hulk found himself in a Fuzzy Area and because he always does what a sign he reads tells him, the Hulk drops the gems he's collected thus far. After checking his score (my favourite part of the Hulk comics), he decides to move on in the Northern direction, only to find.



I... I was not expecting this. I have to check five or six times that Steve Gerber had nothing to do with this game, because this is totally a development I'd expect from Howard the Duck, the Defenders or Man-Thing. So, Hulk is in an office and some cosmic entity named the Chief Examiner is doing work on his computer. I decide to check out the program he's working on.



Raargh! Self-promotion make Hulk ANGRY! SMASH SCOTT ADAMS' APPARENT AUTHOR SURROGATE!

The Chief Examiner doesn't give me a chance to fight and claims that he isn't ready for me yet and that he still needs to work on some stuff. He sends me back to the field. I wander in a direction until I end up in a strange room.



There's a "Natter Energy Egg" and a "Bio-gem". Also, a gas has just turned me back into Bruce Banner. I better be careful. I decide to carefully look at the egg.



The egg explodes. I am dead. Wow. Didn't even give me a fucking chance to do anything, did you, game? OK, so I end up in Limbo. I once again bite my tongue and start again. This time, I choose a different direction and end up in a place with a big hill, covered in tiny holes and a gem.



I pick up the gem.



Oh. Alien ants. I better take a look at them before doing anything rash.



Yep, that's an ant. And they are swaming.



What a grotesque way to die. I mean, they went for my friggin' eyes. That's horrifying. Turns out looking at an alien ant farm is as bad as listening to them, but are also far less bland and toothless. Take that, band I'm only vaguely familiar with. Well, I go back to the ants and decide to smash them. That'll show them what's what.



Well, that didn't help. LEAVE HULK'S EYES ALONE! Shit, thank's for robbing me of my fantasy of being an unstoppable clobber machine, Scott Adams. Do you seriously not know who the Hulk is and how he solves problems? Because it isn't by digging a hole in the ground. Which I end up doing.





Not sure what I accomplished with this, but it's done. Since they bothered making pictures, this is probably important. I wander around for a bit again only to discover that I'm trapped in that room with the egg and the gem again, but none of them are there!



Also, the room is slowly filling up with gas. I've turned into Bruce Banner! And there's no exit. I examine the walls and find only scratch marks! Is there a way out? Tune in next time to find out! (I might need help here...)

To Be Hulktinued...

NEXT ISSUE!: Bruce Banner escapes the room! I hope.

'Nuff Said!

[Octopus Prime]

Oh my god...

Nothing could have prepared me for the sight of the Chief Inquisitor sitting at his desk.

That’s just... I...

Yes. Yes please.

[Loki]

I'm sorry for your pain but I love seeing you bang your head against Scott Adams adventure logic.

Good luck!(?)

[Johnny Unusual]

It gets worse/better. So much worse/better.

[Falselogic]

What I find most upsetting is the decision to have the text scroll up behind the artwork.

[JBear]

*To the tune of Captain Kirk is Climbing a Mountain*
The Incredible Hulk is digging a hole...
Why is he digging a hole?

[Johnny Unusual]

Questprobe featuring The Hulk

Issue #3
Domesday!

Last issue, Bruce Banner found himself trapped in an underground room. Maybe something in his inventory can help him.



Doesn't look like it. I try a few more things (trying to fight the wall. Examining the Wall, Floor, Ceiling, Biting Tongue, Having a hissy fit. Then poison gas fills the room and I die.

I end up at my starting point and bite my tongue and leave the dome again. Then something occurs to me. I lift the dome! Yay, it works. And I find a gem.



Something else occurs to me. I kept assuming that everywhere I went, I'm seeing the same dome off in the distance. What if I'm seeing many different domes. Sure enough, I lift domes and find gems. Then I go inside another dome...



Almost the same, except there isn't a delay button. I go further to find this nightmare (where I turn into Bruce Banner again).



This doesn't look good. Against my better judgment, I try to grab some wax, maybe to plug up the mesh...



Good news: I'm not dead. Bad news: I can't get the wax. The bees sting me into the Hulk but the gas turns me back. It's a real piece of shit 22. I decide to look at the bees.



Spooky, yes, but at least this guys aren't going for my eyes like some jerks. Anyway, I decide to collect more gems. I even return to the starting point to look at the ring in the floor, maybe in the hopes that I can get a clue.



Nope.

I also enter the remaining unexplored dome. But there is nothing there.



But in lifting it, I get this fun picture (which only used for this dome for some reason.



Neat. Also, here's what the bee dome looks like on the outside. I actually had a hard time finding it since it looks identical to the starting dome.



I end up digging a hole here, too. It's something to do. Plus I will know I've been here. I wander in many directions, looking for rhyme or reason for the warp. The only thing I know for sure is that when I am in "the fuzzy area" North leads me to the room of no escape. Anyway, I drop all my gems off. I'm up to 52 Points.

BTW, I also think, he maybe I can call a superhero to help me out with these ants.



You can't even bother to spell Ant-Man correctly. What the hell.

BTW, here's an image of the Hulk checking out his inventory. Read carefully...


Cute. I wish it could help me in some way.

So, basically, I'm stumped. I have no idea where to go. Anyone have any ideas?

To Be Hulktinued...

NEXT ISSUE!: Hulk gets help... FROM YOU! Or maybe it's game over.

'Nuff Said!

[MetManMas]

Uh, you have another image of the stone room in the place where you said it was an image of "HULK CHECK INVENTORY", dood.

Loving this so far.

"WHY HULK DIE SO MUCH? WHY FOR EGG GO BOOM? WHY ANTS ATTACK EYES AGAIN? BAH! HULK HATE ADVENTURE GAMES! TELL SIERRA HULK'S QUEST DEAL CANCELLED!"

[Johnny Unusual]

Thanks. Fixed.

[Sensenic]

Wow, will you have a different opening for each post?
How many Hulk shows are there anyway?

As for help.... maybe you can call Ant-man before the ants screen, and bring him with you from the beginning? So they don't kill you before you have time to do anything else, I mean.

Other than that, I gots nothin.

[Johnny Unusual]

I gave up and did a walkthrough for my next few movies.

A) some of the solutions are generally good.
B) some are fucking impossible without knowing what do
C) you are in for a treat. My favourite picture of the game will happen. Also, my favourite "Fuck you, Scott Adams" moment.

[Octopus Prime]

To be fair, I’m not sure Scott Adams can make breakfast without doing something to make someone yell “Fuck You!” At him.

[Johnny Unusual]

Issue #4
Strange Tales!

Last issue, Hulk did some things, then I got stuck. So since last week, I've had to do the walk of shame. Or rather... the walkTHROUGH of shame. Yep, I needed help. So I used the internet and I got a few answers. Some of these solutions I thought "Oh, good solution. I wish I thought of that." The others were "Wha... HOW WOULD I EVER KNOW THAT?"

So the first thing I found out I was handing the holes wrong. You've got to keep digging.



Oh, wait, I still did this wrong. You have to go IN the hole and dig. OK, into the hole I go.



BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Whew

*rubs tear from eye*

OK, I *chortle*

*stifles laugh*

As you can see, the Hulk *fucking breaks down laughing, again*

*barely composes self*

This is the most beautiful thing I've seen in some time. I want to comment on it, but I'm afraid the more I do, the more the magic will fade.

OK, I'll take the risk. Apologies if this fails.

First, I know the Hulk talks to himself a lot (like a lot of comic book characters) but you expect shit like "Where is Hulk?" or "Hulk can't see!" But nope, the Hulk dug a hole, went underground and apparently yelled "HULK UNDERGROUND!" To no one. If the Hulk was placed underground by someone else, I'd get it. The Hulk is just realizing where he is. But even the Hulk, who is very dumb, pretty much knows where he is going when he goes in a hole.

Second, I feel like someone had trouble visualizing the Hulk in a hole for some reason and, in a moment of desperation, made this. But that doesn't seem to be particularly hard. Look, let me do it...


See, it can be done. Plus, I gave someone for the Hulk to be speaking to. It is a mole. The mole also comes with a message for the kids. MY VERSION IS SO MUCH MORE THOUGHT OUT!

Anyway, I keep digging and...



Yeah, I found a gem! I go through this two more times into other holes and get three more gems!



I drop them off to get some score points and continue onward. Unfortunately, again I am stuck. So I go back to the walkthrough. So the thing I am supposed to do next is to go to the dome near the eye-eating ants, then bite my tongue.

Which causes me to see...



What? What the fuck? I mean, I wish that I was super happy about seeing the first of our two speicial guest heroes, but it's a little hard too when THERE IS NO FRIGGIN' WAY I EVER WOULD HAVE GOTTEN THIS. Maybe I'm missing something, but nothing I've read so far makes me think that Dr. Strange's astral projection is just hanging around inside one of the domes, waiting for me.

Well, whatever, Dr. Strange's ghost points to something while I can still see him (only Hulk can see his astral form, which I feel like might be true to the comics, but I don't remember). Anyway, I see that he was pointing too...



I know the Hulk is a dummy, but you think Banner would be looking for this in every dome he is gassed in. Anyway, I need the wax to plug it up. BUT I don't know how to get it. I check the walkthrough again. This time, I actually find the solution satisfactory and feel a little bad I couldn't get it on my own.

I you remember, the wax is guarded by nasty bees for reasons unknown (if it is because it's beeswax, then who packaged it for them with a label and why did the bees let that happen? Anyway, I learn that I must check OUTSIDE the dome. Sure enough, there is a mesh screen, because someone wanted exactly one dome and one dome alone to have some airflow.



Hulk waves the metal fan he collected early on and creates a fantastic gale. All the bees inside are taken out (though I don't know if it is "taken out with the wind out of the dome" or "dead". BTW, I tried this on the ants and it doesn't work, but it does save you a turn before they murder you.



Hey, I can get that wax now. And I do.



Like I said, it's not a bad solution to the problem.

Now, back the the ant/Strange dome. I plug up the hole with wax and stay the Hulk and see Strange.



Strange is actually an old team mate of Hulk's, as they were both in the Defenders, a team made up of heroes who would rather not be on a team together. I decide to talk to him.



Odd request. Also, Strange, not MY worst enemy. I mean, Nightmare and Hulk have crossed paths before, but he's really more of a Dr. Strange villain. And even then, I'd put him as your number three enemy after the Dread Dormammu and Baron Mordo. Hulk's worst enemies include The Leader and the Abomination. But OK...


The Hulk remembers Nightmare, a demonic spirit who traps his victims in nightmares and feeds on their fears. Hulk remembers him so well, he can apparently look over and see his own thought balloon. I'm guessing, since it specifies that he is "very mad", this means he can stay Hulk in gassed rooms. I look forward to testing this and know exactly where I want to go next with this knowledge. Man, that was really helpful strange. Do you have any other advice?



GO STRAIGHT TO HELL!

To Be Hulktinued...

NEXT ISSUE!: Hulk asks Strange more questions and hopefully gets non-shitty answers. Then he's gonna start breaking shit!

'Nuff Said!

[Octopus Prime]

I agree that Hulk advertising his album of songs from before he was a mainstream success is pretty great, but it's got a ways to go before it hits the heights of my favorite image in this game;



The inter-dimensional being of vast intellect petulantly sitting at a desk

[MetManMas]

This game just got even more awesome.

[Johnny Unusual]

Issue #5
The Maze of Horror!

Whew. This was a frustrating one. The good news is that my "remember Nightmare" strategy was the correct one. Unfortunately, the game is a jerk about it. If you remember last time, the Hulk met with Dr. Strange, who told Hulk to remember the supervillain Nightmare for some reason. Seriously, there's not even a good in game explanation as to why Dr. Strange is here, helping me collect gems and telling me about a villain Peter David used to explain character choices Peter David felt that Hulk wouldn't make since he left (as dumb and petty as that sounds, it is otherwise a fun story).

I'm also sort of disappointed I don't get to fight Nightmare. Now he's essentially part of my inventory. I'll have to use him carefully. I continued talking to Strange, who tells me to enjoy Scott Adams'next adventure (can't I enjoy this one, first?). I decide to continue to talk to Strange.



Oh, I guess if it isn't about Scott Adams or your rogue's gallery you can give a crap about me. Oh, but at least he dropped a gem. Somehow. As an astral projection. I seriously have no idea how this works.

Anyway, I decide to Remember Nightmare and it works. Sort of. It gives you one extra turn to make a move and it only works when you are the Hulk. So you have to keep remembering Nightmare in gas-filled rooms. Also, if you remember Nightmare enough, you just stomp off into the fuzzy place. At one point during my experimentation (involving ants) I simultaneously died and stomped off to the Fuzzy Place. Weird. I think canonically this means that the adventure is completed by zombie Hulk (and yes, that is a thing. As is zombie Thing).



Anyhoo, now that he's here, Hulk drops off a gem. *sigh* This feels less like a superhero adventure and more like I'm an errand boy. At least you could say "put the gems in this giant vending machine to buy Rick Jones, who accidentally trapped himself in there trying to reach for a free Mounds bar." The stakes are purely numbers on a board, which I feel like the Hulk is the superhero least likely to give a shit about that.

Anyway, I decide to finally head North to beat down the walls of the exploding egg room, which is an actual sentence I just typed. It doesn't work. *sigh*

So later, I turn Hulk and remember Nightmare enough to pull the ring from the middle of the floor in the first room.



YAY! Finally. OK, let's get in that hole and see where I end up!



GOD DAMMIT! I try punching and kick the walls and the game keeps telling me that Hulk isn't a vandal. OK, I give up. Let's see what the walkthrough says.

Oh. Oh...



OK, now I'm pissed off. I'm not allowed to "punch the wall" but I'm allowed to "scratch it". That's not really different enough from all the other shit I tried to defend not allowing me to do it. Also, you know part of the fun of being the Hulk comes in the form of breaking shit, right? Why are you so intent on denying me that?

That's not even keeping in mind that this is not a scratch. Anyway, no where to go metaphorically but up, so let's go down into the crack and see what's down there.



Whoa! Ultron. Right there. No build up or nothing. And he has some sort of little cage.

I wouldn't call Ultron one of my favourite Marvel villains, but I do have a soft spot for him. My favourite thing about him is his prema-grimace that looks like an angry hamster yawning encased in steel.



Let's see what's in the cage.



It's Ultron's creator and father figure (it's a pretty messed up relationship) Ant-Man. He's trapped in a cage. I'm not going to ask why he doesn't shrink slightly smaller to get out of that bird cage, but I'll assume he has his reasons.

Man, the game was pretty ruthless with it's gravity and ants, so an a-list Avengers villain is going to be a real challenge. After all, not only is Ultron a super-tough robot, but he's also encased in an adamantium shell, something even the Hulk can't rend with his bare hands.

Nonetheless, I want to be true to the Hulk character and start with mindless violence. See you on the other side...



Oh. OK. Pretty tame considering. It seems that though I can't get to him, his beams can't kill me. Let's try some other things. Oh, maybe I can knock him out with a gale of wind.



Oh. shoot, I forgot to remember Nightmare again. Sigh. OK, this room is filled with gas so I have to turn into Hulk outside the room and make my way back in, constantly having to remember Nightmare. I finally do it and...



Dang. Figures, though. Ultron's made of sterner stuff. Still I thought it might buy me some time to get Ant-Man.

OK, I'm a real quitter and I want my lets play to come out regularly, so let's use the walkthrough.

I won't give too much away, but my only hope is those alien ants. AND I realize that the ants specifically attack my eyes. So here's the solution... CLOSE MY EYES!



Oh, go to Hell, game. OK, so I head to the fuzzy place and try stuff like "cover face". The game then tells me to be more specific. So I do. Then I got mad.



Yeah, I bet you don't. Sorry, that's not cool, I spoke out of anger.

Hmm.. I'm going to need some time to figure this one out.

To Be Hulktinued...

NEXT ISSUE!: ANTS!

'Nuff Said!

[Octopus Prime]

The cameos are... pretty arbitrary in this video game about The Incredble Hulk picking up litter.

And as for the stupid, stupid puzzle solutions, don’t forget that while Hulk is not known for his lateral thinking, you’re usually playing as Puny Banner

[MetManMas]

Originally Posted by Johnny Unusual

I won't give too much away, but my only hope is those alien ants. AND I realize that the ants specifically attack my eyes. So here's the solution... CLOSE MY EYES!



Oh, go to Hell, game.

So you cover your eyes and the ants just attack a different part of your face, huh? The Incredible Hulk (Tm) has it rough.

OK, so I head to the fuzzy place and try stuff like "cover face". The game then tells me to be more specific. So I do. Then I got mad.



Yeah, I bet you don't.

HULK SMASH PUNY TEXT PARSER!

[JBear]

Visible: Broken chair. Crack in rock. ULTRON. Small cage.

*chefkiss*

[Johnny Unusual]

I completely forgot to mention, in my impotent rage, I tried to throw the broken chair from my inventory at him. Except you can't direct the throw, so really I just typed "throw chair" so I guess the Hulk just threw it in a random direction. Not that it would have hurt Ultron but instead of responding with "chair bounces of Ultron's chest" it read "OK."

[Johnny Unusual]

Issue #6
His Final Bow Smash!

And now we have reached end game. Time to defeat Ultron once and for all. If you had forgotten my last adventure, I came across Ultron and Ultron... is kind of standing there, doing nothing. I'm not sure what his end game is here, but he doesn't seem bothered enough by me to start a fight. But any time I try to stop him or rescue Ant-Man, Ultron's "Pressor ray" presses me back. So now I only have one way to save the day... ANTS!

As I tried last time, I closed my eyes. But the ants are after ALL my face holes. I need to find another way to defend my holes. First, I learn that I need to type "hold nose" because cover nose doesn't work because *shrug*. Then I need one more tool in my arsenal. I return to the room where I left my wax.



Great. And now to make use of it...



My ears are now filled with wax and I walk out into the field. I hold my nose and the ants come out. Then I close my eyes.



Wait, it's the Hulk saying that? Because then the ants could craw inside his mouth. Come to think of it, how big are these ants.



Because these are either big ants or Hulk is looking at ants while lying on the ground. And they are still going for my face holes. I don't even want to think about it. Anyway, I "get ants" and start blindly heading towards Ultron.



The ants keep attacking but make no progress. Finally, we get to see the defeat of Ultron and the freeing of Ant-Man, who will likely give me some help in finishing the game.



Wait, what?



Oh, Scott Adams, you asshole. You basically made a battle between an indestructible robot and the tiny man control alien ants happen while my eyes are friggin closed? You couldn't even say "here's what the Hulk would have seen if he kept his eyes open". Holy switch. Never before has my cock been so thoroughly blocked by a game. The cock is a metaphor for my enjoyment. Seriously, I'm taking this to a higher power.

*sigh* So that was the game's big set piece. A big fuck you for playing.

OK, I got most of the gems. Unfortunately, there are two gems that it is impossible for me to get based on how I played the game. One was destroyed and the other was in a room that I was only in once. So time to start over. So I do so and start collecting once more, intentionally avoiding the exploding egg room.



Hey, I got a lot of things. That Ultron thing certainly gave me "rage". But now it is time to collect those last few little gems. And good news for Octo, because that involves returning to...



The Chief Examiner's office, where he is shuffling some papers around and pretending to look busy. I check his desk and find a gem in there. Then I see him programming the next marvel game without a computer. But the game is in a computer, so maybe he's just doing it on paper or something? I'm not sure how it works. Finally, I head to the last gem, and the biggest one of all... in the exploding egg room. I remain Hulk long enough to eat the egg, thus disarmin' it.



Yay, I got the "bio-gem", whatever that means. I guess I'm all done. Time to bring them all to the fuzzy place and check out my score.



Um... what? Does anyone know what this means? Or what I should do with it?



Yay! I beat the game. I feel bad I needed help, but considering how ridiculous and obtuse some of these puzzles are, can you blame me? Was games that couldn't be beaten unless you did something early on a selling point for fans of text or graphic adventures or was it an act of spite from game makers. Although I couldn't imagine a great act of spite than the climax of this game. Jesus Christ.

Also, the little gems look different than when they were in my inventory. Now they look like little Christmas ornaments. Being in the hands of the Chief Examiner had ruined them.

So... that's it. The game is over. But I'm not done. Next time out, I'm going to go over the games manual. Then after that, I'll do a retrospective, discussing what worked, what didn't, what would have made it better and trying to make sense of the narrative of this damned thing.

To Be Hulktinued...

NEXT ISSUE!: Manual transmission!

'Nuff Said!

[MetManMas]

That's the ending? You just give the Chief Examiner all the shiny rocks you collected and things are all "A WINNER IS YOU?" I feel gypped by this. And by the Antman vs Ultron fight we didn't get to see because Hulk was protecting his eyes and nose from the ants.

Did the tie-in comic at least show the fight, or was it just an ad for the game?

[Johnny Unusual]

Yep, that's about it.

Originally Posted by MetManMas

And by the Antman vs Ultron fight we didn't get to see because Hulk was protecting his eyes and nose from the ants.

I mean, we also didn't get to hear or smell the fight. I like how superheroes are just dropping gems for the Hulk. They don't even bother with an in game explanation save for the sign at the beginning that implies with was all a Hulk simulation game. Which, I mean, yeah, I know, but can't you let me get lost in the fantasy of being a strong rage beast even for a friggin' second.

No bad guys get stomped. None. Not a friggin' one.

[Octopus Prime]

To be fair, of the three bad guys in the game, one was just Hulk remembering he existed, and one was politely sitting at a desk doing paperwork.

And the other had presser beans and Hulks eyes were closed.

[Johnny Unusual]

Questprobe featuring The Hulk

Official Handbook to the Questprobe Featuring the Hulk Game Manual A-H

Now we are going to take a two part journey into looking at the Questprobe featuring the Hulk game manual. Is there something in there I could have used to help me out. Like a big clue as to the fact that Strange's astral form was in a dome and I needed to bite my tongue to see him? Because then maybe it wouldn't be so much BS. Let's start with the cover.



It's a perfectly serviceable cover. Not bad, but not particularly striking. I'll be honest, I'm not sure if the art on the cover is John Romita Sr. or Mark Gruenwald. Mostly this is because A) I'm more familiar with Gruenwald as a writer (and, when he was alive, a walking Marvel encyclopedia) and Romita more for his 60's Spider-Man work. His Banner looks Romita-y to me, but Marvel artists, with some exceptions, seemed to stick to a house style at the time. Not as strict as the Archie house-style, in my opinion (though true Marvel/Archie fans who know better than I might correct me) but still, a lot of the artists went for similar styles (though this is also the time where Frank Miller was doing some amazing things with Daredevil).

Anyway, let's move on to the boring stuff.



I was kind of hoping for a joke about Hulk smashing game pirates was in there, but just pretty standard legal stuff. The page full of trademarks is also pretty standard, save for something interesting. To me anyway.



Basically, that the game was designed in 1983 and the "artwork and text" came out in 1984. Is the later referring purely to the manual or the game itself. When it says the game was designed in '83, in what way. I just mean, the system or were all the missions and stuff put into place, followed by guys like Gruenwald and Shooter showing up in '84 to write stuff and make sure it conformed to what we know about Hulk.

Which it really doesn't, seeing how it's about the Hulk wondering around domeland, picking up gems.

Or maybe I'm just trying to hard to find something interesting in this.



The introduction makes a wonderful case for the game, stating that YOU actually become the Incredible Hulk and that you will control and lose control of him. Which kind of happens when thinking about Nightmare makes him stomp off to the fuzzy place. It also sells the idea of controlling the Hulk's strength and Banner's brains. Except being Banner never seems to have any advantage. I don't use him to slip through small crevices or defuse a gamma bomb or anything Banner can do. And Hulk's strength basically comes down to "you can survive in this high gravity environment (why is it high gravity? Am I on another planet? If so, why are Ultron and a couple superheroes here?) and dome lifting. Granted, I destroy a couple floors and wave a fan and those are good starts, but I don't feel like I'm getting to enjoy the element of the fantasy where I beat up a bad guy or smash a building. I'm specifically told I can't smash shit from time to time because the Hulk "isn't a vandal". The game actively disallows you the joy of becoming the Hulk.

In the "How an Adventure Works" section, it tells us a bit about the premise an adventure game. This time, it does point out that a heroes liabilities may also come into play. And Marvel superheroes are all about liabilities: Iron Man has shrapnel in his chest, Spider-Man has a ton of guilt issues and Captain America still isn't used to the fact that there was a Catholic in the White House. "Wow, can you believe it?" He astonishedly tells a clearly uncomfortable Scarlet Witch. And Hulk is probably the biggest liability in the Marvel Universe. He's a good guy, but he's the opposite of dependable, often starting fight with other heroes and is easily tricked and confused. It's no wonder that he quit the Avengers with issue #2 and didn't rejoin officially until the Avengers movie. But that barely comes up.

I would like the idea if there were actions the Hulk wouldn't be allowed to do because he doesn't feel like it, making it feel like you are trying to control a 900 pound gorilla. But also, it would also rob us of using the Hulk like an action figure and doing all the cool Hulk stuff. My point is, the game writes checks that they can't cash.

We then get an example of a typical gaming adventure.



Simple stuff, really. I feel like the "Pilgrim" line means that this was a write up for a cowboy game. As for "peruse box", I feel like the computer totally know what you meant, but was disgusted by the use of the word "peruse".

Has anyone ever used the word without it being a half-joke (no more, no less)? Like if you say it, you kind of make the "ew" sound in peruse go a little long to point out how silly it is.



The game points out that it is better to use simple words, as this is an adventure game with a 120 word vocabulary, "not a warm-up for the SATs". I don't think anyone will ever make that mistake, but if it was, I think I'd do worse here than in the actual SATs. I never would have gotten "doghouse is to dog as random dome is to invisible ghost wizard".

Also, if the game was about the Hulk collecting rare postage stamps, I might have preferred that to gems. It would have made about as much sense.



This page gives you some verb advice but also points out that the other version of the game I played might have had graphics that I could have turned on. Something to remember for subsequent Questprobe games.



Also worth noting is that I could have pressed "help" at points. I might go back and check those out. Some day. I do take issue with the idea that "wizard in a dome" or "use the word hold, not cover, for noses" might be considered common sense. I also certainly don't like the sounds of that "hint book", where you pay money to maybe figure shit out. It sounds pretty vague to me.

Also, there's a "play tester" button that I wished I tried. Don't know what that would do.



Now we get into the stuff I love. Basically, this is just a few truncated entries of the Handbook to the Marvel Universe. For those who don't know, the Official Handbook to the Marvel Universe is exactly what it sounds like and was a big deal for Marvel zombies at the time. Envisioned by Jim Shooter has being the Marvel equivalent of baseball cards featuring stats and backstory. Mark Gruenwald was basically put in charge and went into crazy detail. It certainly had "Baseball Card" style, but today looks a little more like a wikipedia page (should we be sad that's my go-to rather than encyclopedia?) with crazy amounts of detail and for various superhero paraphernalia, often cross sections on how their devices work. See, now we know that the Hulk was born in Dayton, Ohio.



See, all fun stuff. Though after spending a paragraph about how nearly invincible the Hulk his, I'm even more pissed that the Hulk is so easily taken out by ants to the eyes. I also wish more stuff from this description came into play, like super jumping, temperature resistance and the fact that a nuclear warhead CAN kill him. But, yeah, this is the part of the manual that is my jam. (Maybe this is where I confess that I just became an admin for a poorly maintained superhero wiki...)

I'll cover the rest of the manual next time out, then what the game did right and wrong. So very, very wrong.

To Be Hulktinued...

NEXT ISSUE!: Manual labour!

'Nuff Said!

[Johnny Unusual]

Official Handbook to the Questprobe Featuring the Hulk Game Manual Part 2

So we've just finished covering half of the game manual for Questprobe featuring the Hulk. Now let's finish up the rest.



Hey, it's Ant-Man, a character whose greatest contribution was not being seen during his finest hour. Ant-Man's always sort of been a b-list hero. Having read his book from the early days of Marvel, he seems like an also-ran in his own series. One thing I love about that series, though, is that sometimes he rides off into the sunset on an ant with the authorities waving goodbye to him. And considering the slowness and size of an ant, this is a hilarious image to me. Like, in the comics, is a close up of Ant-Man with giant cops in the back ground, but from their perspective, they are waving to a slowly moving speck on the ground. And ants usually don't go in a straight line, so...



Why does it say "See below". Was this manual printed like a scroll rather than a book?



Wow, I'm actually shocked Doctor Strange doesn't have an arrest record. Doesn't every hero have a "framed for a crime" or "is manipulated into committing a crime" type stories where they turn themselves in or as caught?



I don't have much to say about this except I love reading official handbook stuff.



For the sake of fun, here's a picture of Ultron-1.



As a nanny, I must saw that I'm glad the kid isn't constantly saying "SKRAAWK!"



From wikipedia:

Not including robot beams seems like an oversight on the part of wikipedia. Also, I'm glad that Ultron didn't make me vomit in the game.



Never even heard of Gulgol. Apparently, he's not important enough to have every letter in his name capitalized. Again, I must remind you "remember Nightmare" is stupid. Fact is, when I saw screen shots of Limbo and the Fuzzy place before I started playing, I assumed Nightmare plays a big role in this game. Rather than essentially being an inventory item.



One thing we know about him: he has access to an office. I don't even think Thanos has that.



See, he's relegated to a cubicle. Still evil, though.





Hey, the game design copyright got bumped up a year. In the same manual. Now I'm confused.

To Be Hulktinued...

NEXT ISSUE!: Review, retrospective and wrap-up!

'Nuff Said!