The Return of Talking Time

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  #1  
Old Yesterday, 09:29 AM
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Default what is your own best post

Feel free to give context or not in this, the TT solipsism thread

I choose not to give any context for mine:

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Originally Posted by Kazin View Post
I like Shit and Piss a lot
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  #2  
Old Yesterday, 09:44 AM
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This one, right here. This is it! This is my best post! This... This is my moment!!

*lavish six-minute Broadway musical number ensues*


anyway, dicks
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  #3  
Old Yesterday, 09:51 AM
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Whichever one I made last.
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  #4  
Old Yesterday, 10:56 AM
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Something in the original Splatoon matchmaking thread I'm sure. Will look later.
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  #5  
Old Yesterday, 10:58 AM
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  #6  
Old Yesterday, 10:59 AM
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I'll look it up as soon as I remember the last tume I was drunk at 4 AM.
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  #7  
Old Yesterday, 11:01 AM
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Easy. It's this one:
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Originally Posted by JBear View Post
Man, the random encounters in this game are brutal. These guys have been nattering at me for an hour, asking me to prove that Zande has ever done anything bad and asking why I need to get so upset about it.

That or the one where I took pictures of myself pretending to masturbate for a thread about celebrating board games, because that's a thing that happened.
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  #8  
Old Yesterday, 11:05 AM
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Originally Posted by Octopus Prime View Post
Welcome to Canada Day 2013, everyone! With your help, this one will be even CANADIANIER then the one before it! I am going to get the ball rolling with some FUN AND INTERESTING facts about The Prime Ministers (or "Canadas Dad", as they like to be called).


On his first day of office, John A. Macdonald was given a telegram from the Then-Queen of England reading that "As Canada is part of the British Empire, it is expected to listen only to Imperial Decree". However, a misprint on the telegram caused it to read "Empirical Decree" and so, John, not being one to defer AWAY from any Queens, said up the Chamber of Undeniable Proof and refused to accept any statements that could not be verified, repeated and observed. This is why, to this day, our nations motto is "PROVE IT, DAMN YOU!"

Alexander MacKenzie
was responsible for the creation of the Prairie Provinces by traveling Western Canada and personally removing every mountain by hand, one fist full of rocks at a time.

John A. Macdonald, having gone utterly mad from the rigors of his previous stint as Prime Minister moved back into the Parliament Building and refused to leave. The premiers, being rather polite just decided to let him. He wasn't doing any harm. When he refused to leave his office even to let the cleaning staff in however, they had had enough and they shrank a team of scientists to microscopic size to enter the deranged PMs brain and set right what went wrong. The procedure worked and John A Macdonald was sane once more, but Medical Science being what it was in the late 1800s, accidentally gave him a fatal stroke.

Sir John Abbot
was made Prime Minister after being given the Canadian Matrix of Leadership from the dying MacDonald. He rejected it at first, saying "I can't accept it, I'm just a soldier" but he grew into the role and eventually succeded in driving back the armies of the fearsome Walrus Men of the North.

John Thompson
was originally called Eric Thompson, but when he assumed the mantle of Prime Minister, he was possessed by the ghost of John A Macdonald, making his first decree that "All Prime Ministers Must Be John" and had his name changed. An Emergency Meeting of Parliamentary Exorcists was called and they banished the specter to The Great Hinterlands, where all Canadians go when they die.

Mackenzie Bowell
was secretly two children in a trenchcoat, passing themselves off as a man. When the treachery was discovered, Canadians were so embarrassed that they decided that the last two years "Didn't count". News of this black mark in Canadian History would eventually reach Hollywood where it would become the basis for The Little Rascals.


Charles Tupper
only discovered he was Prime Minister when a mailman delivered a letter from the Bowell Rascals (as they became known) saying "This job STINKS, You do it!". The Rascals picked his name out of a hat because "It sounded funny".

Wilfred Laurier was the first Prime Minister to start the ritual of having a newly elected PM kiss the mummified remains of John A Macdonald on the lips for one full minute. Originally he explained that this was to keep the Ghost of Macdonald placated, that he would not rise to threaten our Lands once again, but it was later revealed that he was just into that kind of thing. Nevertheless, it became a long-standing tradition that endures to this day and those who refuse to follow it often end their careers in one term.

Robert Borden
was a Carnival attraction that got the office due to voters being so impressed by his skill with thrown knives.

Arthur Meighen completely evaporated in front of horrified spectators during a speech on Parliament Hill. A national holiday was called to force all Canadian citizens to hunt for him, but no trace was ever found. The only clue was that, at that same moment, "Arthur Meighen is on Altair-Four" appeared on every blackboard in the country.

William Lyon MacKenzie King
was a small-time grifter who became PM after using his silver-tongued trickery to convince everyone he was the right man for the job, then, after landing office, he ran across the border with all the countries assets. The Canadian People decided not to be fooled by his tricks again.

Arthur Meighen
suddenly reappeared on the same hill and continued reading his speech picking up from the same sentence he was reading when he vanished more then five years earlier. It was discovered that Ottawa was built on a fault line in the fabric of space and time leading to a place where time travels at a vastly slower rate. This has since become a popular tourist destination and popular hangout for local college students.

William Lyon MacKenzie King came back into the country saying "I'm sorry about what I did before, but I've changed! It'll all be different this time!" and the people of Canada, being of a rather trusting sort, welcomed him with open arms, even gave him back his old job. Four years later, he stole ALL THE MONEY IN THE COUNTRY and ran back across the border. It was his greatest caper yet, and it single-handedly caused the Great Depression.

R. B. Bennet
was an explorer and adventurer of great renown who discovered a new, vast and unmapped area north of Maine. When he ran to the nearest Adventurers Bureau to report his discovery he learned that this vast plain was already known about, colonized and named. Bennet was shocked. Like all Explorers, certainly he had heard of Canada, but he assumed it was merely legend, like fabled Atlantis, or the Moon. He then decided that if he couldn't be Canadas discoverer, then BY GOD he would become its leader.

William Lyon MacKenzie King, up to his old tricks again, once again came across the border to become Prime Minister and make off like a bandit, but he was driven off by Bennets cunningly designed National Defense System, consisting mainly of children hiding in the undergrowth armed with fireworks and making "scary dinosaurs noises". The exact same tactics used over a century earlier to win the War of 1812.

Louis St. Laurent
was an eccentric inventor responsible for the creation of over two hundred uses for the Chili Bean.

John Diefenbaker is largely considered to be either a shared hallucination, or a practical joke that went entirely too far. Nevertheless, when he was elected, so many people thought that the ghost of John MacDonald HAD INDEED returned form The Great Hinterlands to rule this country as he had in the past.

Lester B. Pearson
was a great humanitarian who fought to give legal rights to Canadas burgeoning Wizard population. This would ultimately prove to be his downfall however, as he was soon after crushed to death by an over enthusiastic hug from a golem.

Pierre Trudeau suffered from moderate to severe coprolalia and as a result was known to use the most offensive slurs possible at all times. This helped his career quite a lot in the seventies as Canada was going through its awkward teenage phase and responded well to his declarations of calling postal workers "Mother ---kers". The man could hyphenate like few others dared imagine.

Joe Clark
had poor self esteem and thought that being made Leader of an Entire Country would help boost it a bit. However, after landing his lofty position the Canadian Citizenry realized that they mistook him for Tennis Legend Joesph Clark who had died over two decades earlier at the age of 94. Clark was immediately removed form office and "That Angry French chap" was put right back in.

Pierre Trudeau
realized he had accomplished all he had set out to do during his previous run as Prime Minister sat out his term by sitting at his desk and flicking crumpled up balls of paper into the waste basket. He unsuccessfully lobbied to have this entered as part of the Summer Olympic Games, but failed when it was revealed that "The Olympics already have QUITE ENOUGH sports you've nominated, Mr. Trudeau". Trudeau, true to his reputation, called every nation involved with the games a "Mother ---ker" and Canada boycotted the games. Nobody really noticed.

Like John Difenbaker before him, John Turner was a particularly cruel joke played on the Canadian citizenry that managed to spread the fear that The Ghost of MacDonald had once again risen to Plague the World of the Living. John Turner was later revealed to be the mascot for a popular brand of oven cleaner (Have gleaming Burners, with John Turners!) that an unexpectedly large number of Canadians voted for as a result of a write-in ballet.

Brian Mulrooney
was a homunculus who was able to run for and became Prime Minister as a result of some of the Pro-Wizard laws that Lester Pearson enacted. He was eventually chased to the town windmill after some of the locals witnessed his drowning of a small child which his half-formed criminal brain did not realize was an act of murder. His wails of "Fire BAD!" eventually found their way on the Mulrooney-stamped Thirty Five Cent Piece, which were quickly pulled from circulation.

Kim Campbell
was MI6s top, secret agent, placed high in the ranks of Canadian Government to see if the Canadians were planning to revolt against the British Government as those Tricky Yanks did a few years back. Unfortunately, the British Secret Service did a little too good of a job of placing her in a high ranking position and she found herself as the actual Prime Minister, where she decided to veto a law for Waging a Revolutionary War. While her mission was a success, her cover was then blown and she was forced to fight, tooth and nail against the entire assembly of Canadian Premiers, most of whom were chosen for their matchless skill in armed and unarmed combat.

Jean Cretian was a French spirit medium who managed to harness the awesome political powers of John A MacDonald for himself, but whose own willpower was enough not to let him corrupted by his evil spirit. The constant internal warfare between Kind Humanitarian Jean and Diabolical Spirit, John often manifested itself outwardly as a twisted grimace of concentration and a seemingly nonsensical stream of spells and wishes chanted to keep the Evil of John Macdonald in check.

Paul Martin
was tragically standing too close to Jean Cretian during a particularly vicious battle against the Evil Within and was struck by a bolt of mystic energy. This gave him John A. Macdonalds legendary superhuman strength, but also caused him to gradually turn into a tree.

Stephen Harper
was created as a result of a clandestine experiement to create the Ultimate Prime Minister, combining genetic materials from all (existing) Prime Ministers, bound together into an indestructible steel-bonded suit.

THAT IS ALL OF THE CANADADS! I HOPE YOU ARE SMARTER NOW!
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  #9  
Old Yesterday, 11:14 AM
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trying to find a good post of mine is like trying to find hay in a haystack
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  #10  
Old Yesterday, 11:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zef View Post
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  #11  
Old Yesterday, 12:20 PM
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Originally Posted by dtsund View Post
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  #12  
Old Yesterday, 12:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Alex Scott View Post
Kiki's Delivery Service - Someone has to knock Amazon off its perch, and single mom Kiki Arnold thinks she's the one to do it! Starring Aubrey Plaza and Jack Black.

Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind - A young runaway from Athens gets lost in the mountains and finds herself under the care of the title character, a hermit nun.

My Neighbor Totoro - A boy finds out the eccentric weirdo next door is actor John Turturro--whose name he constantly mispronounces--who is working on an alchemical formula that will change the world. Directed by Spike Jonze.

Castle in the Sky - Part 3 of Peter Jackson's epic adaptation of Gulliver's Travels.

Porco Rosso - The sequel to Ratatouille: Remy winds up at an Italian restaurant, and has to make the ideal pork dish.

Princess Mononoke - In Japan's distant past, a cursed prince is caught up in a war between an industrial baron and the gods of the forest, who are led by a human girl raised by supernatural wolves.

Spirited Away - a Lifetime original movie about a teenage girl kidnapped by a deranged fortune teller.

Howl's Moving Castle - Someone has to knock Uhaul off its perch, and the werewolf Gil "Howl" Garnier thinks he's the one to do it! Starring Christoph Waltz and Jennifer Aniston.

Ponyo - The heartwarming story of the girl who finally got the pony she always wanted.

The Wind Rises - Sister Nausicaä leaves her hermitage to offer guidance to the Orthodox faithful and solve Greece's debt crisis!
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  #13  
Old Yesterday, 12:36 PM
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Default this got lost at the bottom of a page and/or nobody laughed so here it is again

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Originally Posted by Vaeran View Post
OMAN AU: Thank you all for joining me, my brothers. Though it may be long beyond our lifetimes, the day will come when the hero of legend will awaken. Today we, the monks of the Sheikah Tribe, leave behind our great legacy to ensure that he is capable of bearing the sacred burden destiny has placed upon his shoulders. Now, tell me of the trials you have prepared for the hero.

MYAHM AGANA: Wait wait hold up

MYAHM AGANA: Shrines were due TODAY?

OMAN AU: Yes, esteemed Brother Myahm. It is as we agreed, one year ago this day. Surely you remember?

MYAHM AGANA: Wh... Oh yeah yeah yeah no, of course I totally remember. I just... It's just hard to believe the day's finally here, you know?! F-Finally!!!

OMAN AU: Your enthusiasm is truly inspiring, brother. By all means, be the first to share with us the fruits of your labors.

MYAHM AGANA: Oh... uh... well, I... H-Hey listen, Tu looks like he's about to burst, let's let him go first before he blows a gasket over there, hahaha

TU KA'LOH: ...? Very well. Over many months I have constructed a vast island labyrinth, and secreted my shrine away deep within its walls. Only through wit and perseverance will the hero be able to find the hidden path to that which he seeks. In this task I collaborated with my wise brothers Dila Maag and Qaza Tokki; each of us has designed a complex warren of twists and turns that will test the hero's skills to the utmost.

OMAN AU: Excellent work, my brothers. The true hero must be able to find his way through even the most devious of dungeons.

MYAHM AGANA: yeah no I guess that's pretty good yeah

CHAAS QETA: Hear this, brothers: I have shaped my shrine into a great arena, and set within it a powerful Guardian armed with fearsome weaponry. Victory over this foe will not come easily -- strength, reflexes and strategy will be needed in equal measure to overcome my ordeal.

OMAN AU: A splendid trial, Brother Chaas! Certainly, the hero's combat prowess must be honed to a razor's edge if he is to have any hope of repelling the darkness that plagues Hyrule.

MYAHM AGANA: oh wow he has to fight a guy? yeah I thought about doing something like that but yeah

OMAN AU: Keep us in suspense no longer, o Brother Myahm! Let us hear of your contribution to the Sheikah legacy.

MYAHM AGANA: shit

MYAHM AGANA: um

MYAHM AGANA: alright well

MYAHM AGANA: okay so you remember those toys we had as kids, where it was like this maze that had a little ball bearing in it, and you had to like tilt the maze around to get the ball through it and put it in the hole or whatever

OMAN AU: I... believe I may recall seeing such a device...

MYAHM AGANA: yeah it's like that

MYAHM AGANA: but... bigger

MYAHM AGANA: yeah

TU KA'LOH: Hold a moment. A maze? That sounds similar to--

MYAHM AGANA: NO, Tu, it's not similar, okay?! You didn't say anything about a ball or a hole in your pitch, did you? So mine's already way more complicated. In fact YOURS sounded a little familiar to me, now that I think about it! Didn't you say you copied off of Dila and Qaza, or something? I wouldn't be surprised if you took a peek at my notes too. Probably spent the whole year sleeping in and watching cat videos on your Slate

TU KA'LOH: I never--

OMAN AU: Brothers, please! Fighting amongst ourselves accomplishes nothing. Brother Myahm's shrine... may... have some merit?

MYAHM AGANA: It's got tons of merit. You know, I'm sorry if it's not as brilliant as Fight A Guy--

CHAAS QETA: Hey--

MYAHM AGANA: --but it's kind of a multi-part puzzle, if you just take a second and think about it. The hero's gonna see this ball, right? And he's going to be all like "what's up with this ball???" And then if he looks around a bit maybe he'll notice the hole, and he'll be like "WHOA there's a hole too?!" So that's already two things he has to worry about. If he's clever he'll realize that maybe the ball needs to go in the hole, but that's when the real test begins! See there's this CRAZY maze, and he has to--

OMAN AU: Peace, my brother. We have one hundred and twenty shrines. They need not all be winners.

MYAHM AGANA: god dammit
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  #14  
Old Yesterday, 02:07 PM
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My best posts are the ones I don't make.
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  #15  
Old Yesterday, 02:43 PM
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I guess this thread here but it still only half-way gets to the core of the idea and it's not very well communicated oh well sorry for not making a joke
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  #16  
Old Yesterday, 05:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vaeran's good post View Post
.
I hadn't seen this before and I liked it a lot. Thank you.
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  #17  
Old Yesterday, 06:07 PM
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I have never made a good post in my life, and if I ever do make a good post, I want you to be my kaishakunin.
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  #18  
Old Yesterday, 07:14 PM
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Found it

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Originally Posted by WildcatJF View Post
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  #19  
Old Yesterday, 08:01 PM
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the biggest problem about trying to find a thing to put here, all my best-of-the-best posts are thread tags
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  #20  
Old Yesterday, 08:02 PM
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Default missing the most important detail

Quote:
Originally Posted by JBear View Post
That or the one where I took pictures of myself pretending to masturbate [to an olive oil commercial] for a thread about celebrating board games, because that's a thing that happened.
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  #21  
Old Yesterday, 08:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by muteKi View Post
the biggest problem about trying to find a thing to put here, all my best-of-the-best posts are thread tags
Actually, yeah, tagging the "What is the most generic WRPG?" thread with "you cannot get ye flask" is probably my crowning achievement here.

Well, and maybe this:

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Originally Posted by Issun View Post
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  #22  
Old Today, 03:55 AM
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Default From the "Going into stasis until Sonic Mania comes out" thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ludendorkk View Post
In the year 2525,
If Madhair is still alive
If Sega can survive,
They may find

In the year 3535,
Sonic the Hedgehog will never die
Even if his revivial won't start
He'll live forever on Deviantart

In the year 4545,
Tails and Knuckles will do just fine
But Sega will continue on just the same
They'll give Charmy Bee is own fucking game

In the year 5555,
PC Gamers will still have to cry
Although they joined the Sega team
Atlus still won't put their games on Steam

In the year 6564,
Sonic strides across the earth once more
You can't see his wagging finger at all
His legs are now 500 feet tall

In the year 7575,
muteKi keeps Sonic scholarship alive
He's still analyzing Sonic 1
Will his Critical Look ever be done?

In the year 8510,
Sonic Team fucks it up again
Generations was actually pretty great
Why the hell won't you just iterate?

In the year 9595,
Sonic Mania has finally arrived
But Neogaf says "It's understood
that maybe Sonic was never actually good?"

Whoa-o-whoaaaaa
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  #23  
Old Today, 08:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bongo Bill View Post
I have never made a good post in my life, and if I ever do make a good post, I want you to be my kaishakunin.
It will be my honor.
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  #24  
Old Today, 10:55 AM
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probably something from like years and years ago when we used to argue about religion and stuff
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  #25  
Old Today, 11:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul le Fou View Post
probably something from like years and years ago when we used to argue about religion and stuff
Possibly it was something in the party times election thread.
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  #26  
Old Today, 01:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ample Vigour View Post
It will be my honor.
(Uses highly stoic eyebrow movements to indicate the concept of a grateful & relieved hug)
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