The Return of Talking Time

Go Back   The Return of Talking Time > Talking about media > Talking about TV and film

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #31  
Old 04-10-2017, 11:38 AM
Sven's Avatar
Sven Sven is offline
For Great Apollo Justice
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 21,019
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Octopus Prime View Post
There is exactly a 0% chance I wasn't going to get to that sooner or later
To the point where I didn't even bother suggesting that or Rocket Robin Hood.

Anyway, the answer is Spiral Zone, AKA the great lost cartoon of the 80s:

Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 04-10-2017, 01:13 PM
Octopus Prime's Avatar
Octopus Prime Octopus Prime is offline
Kringle Machine
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: The Great White North
Posts: 42,978
Default

That one requires a paid subscription.
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 04-10-2017, 05:30 PM
Octopus Prime's Avatar
Octopus Prime Octopus Prime is offline
Kringle Machine
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: The Great White North
Posts: 42,978
Default

Well, my Canadian Brethern would be devastated if I didn't cover this sooner rather than later, so here we go.

THE MIGHTY HERCULES



DAEDALUS BECOMES A GIANT!

No one born north of Maine needs this show explained. You've seen it. You are probably humming the themesong right now, in fact. For everyone else, The Mighty Hercules was a barely animated series produced in Canada in the 1960s which, owing to Canadian Content Broadcasting Laws, still airs to this very day, usually when Teletoon needs some filler after a movie ends ahead of schedule,

The show follows Hercules (who has iron in his thighs, as per the themesong) who wanders Greece, thwarting evil (usually one of three or four guys) with the help of his magic ring of strength and his horrible sidekick Newton the Terrible Centaur.

One of those villains is Daedalus who, in this incarnation, is less of a skilled architect and more of... Well... He's Gargamel here. He's Gargamel wearing a Batman mask and a bright purple robe. About the only difference is that Daedalus doesn't tower over his erstwhile opponents.

Which brings us to this episode, which opens with Daedalus showing off a large tomato to his evil wizard cat, Dido, which he identifies as a Fruit from the Valley of the Giants, which he then eats and grows giant! Which causes his cat to do a double take.

And, elsewhere, Hercules is wandering around, looking for Daedalus to punch his lights out (Daedalus hasn't actually done anything except Become Tall, mind). And, having found the Giant Man very easily (him being giant and all) puts on his Magic Ring and just punches the ever-loving crap out of him until D is doubled over in pain begging for mercy and then Herc hauls him up and strings him up on a tree.

He's... Uhh... He's very heroic.

Then, because we're only two minutes into a four minute episode, Hercs ring falls off (it's a Magic Super Power Ring, so I guess it's hard to get fitted correctly) and he's back to being a Regular, Super Beefy Dude against a Very Large Man. Which causes Hercules a HUGE amount of panic and Daedalus picks him up and ties him to a tree! It's poetic justice!

Newton, true to his Terrible Sidekick status, manages to find the ring just afterward, but is captured after Daedalus manages to sneak up on him despite being Gigantic and also Directly in front of him. Fortunately, in order to taunt Hercules, Daedalus puts the Magic Ring directly in front of Hercules and then goes off to get a bunch of people to watch him taunt Hercules further.

Look, they only had five minutes to fill, they don't have time to explain every little thing.

So Hercules bends over the branch of the tree he's tie to using his regular Beefy Man strength, flips the ring into the air with the tip of a branch, and has it land on his outstretched finger (it's a very lucky toss) which makes Hercules strong enough to uproot the tree he's tied to.

Then Daedalus comes back with a bunch of people eager to see a Very Large Man laugh at a Regular Man (because it was History Times and they didn't have Nintendos back then, so they had to get their fun where they could) and Hercules punches him in the stomach so hard he goes flying and lands in a magic pond that shrinks him back to normal size. Then he jumps into the sky screaming "OLYMPIAAAAAAAAAAAN" because that's how every episode ends.

Last edited by Octopus Prime; 04-11-2017 at 10:05 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 04-10-2017, 07:15 PM
JBear's Avatar
JBear JBear is offline
Bertolli?!?...
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Fredericton, NB, Canada
Posts: 10,289
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Octopus Prime View Post
Newton the Terrible Centaur.
Octo! Hey Octo! Why don't you like Newton? Why don't you like Newton? He's the best! He's the best! Octo! Hey Octo!
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 04-10-2017, 07:21 PM
Bongo Bill's Avatar
Bongo Bill Bongo Bill is offline
oh my car
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Colorado Land
Posts: 19,922
Default

Thundarr the Barbarian if you can find it. I may be able to hook you up.
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 04-10-2017, 07:27 PM
That Old Chestnut's Avatar
That Old Chestnut That Old Chestnut is offline
you work for ME now
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 2,650
Default

---yeah i'm deleting this---

Last edited by That Old Chestnut; 04-10-2017 at 08:26 PM. Reason: ugh ugh UGH
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 04-10-2017, 07:55 PM
MetManMas's Avatar
MetManMas MetManMas is online now
Come, noble knights!
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,872
Default

Huh, so that asshole was behind Project GeeKeR.

Not that he hadn't made some entertaining properties in the past, but learning that guy was King Shitlord was enough to turn me off of supporting or buying any of his new projects. Sorry Armikrög, but you were made by a white supremacist motherfucker.
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 04-10-2017, 08:05 PM
That Old Chestnut's Avatar
That Old Chestnut That Old Chestnut is offline
you work for ME now
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 2,650
Default

oooooooh

well shit
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 04-10-2017, 08:43 PM
MetManMas's Avatar
MetManMas MetManMas is online now
Come, noble knights!
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,872
Default

Didn't mean to dissuade you from your suggestion, BTW. I just thought you should know about that.
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 04-10-2017, 08:43 PM
Torzelbaum's Avatar
Torzelbaum Torzelbaum is offline
????? LV 13 HP 292/
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Central Illinois
Posts: 10,347
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by JBear View Post
My brain always briefly turns this thread title into "Uncle Cap'n Octos Fuck-Time Cartoon Shack", which seems strangely off-brand for Octo.
That is very off-brand for Octo - who to my memory is like Jughead. (Which might be why he talks about him so much when talking about the CW's live-action Archie show.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sven View Post
Anyway, the answer is Spiral Zone, AKA the great lost cartoon of the 80s:

A question for the esteemed panel : is that intro awesome or is nostalgia clouding my judgement?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bongo Bill View Post
Thundarr the Barbarian if you can find it.
If Disney's copyright lawyers have not scoured it off the face of the Earth.
Reply With Quote
  #41  
Old 04-10-2017, 09:06 PM
Johnny Unusual's Avatar
Johnny Unusual Johnny Unusual is offline
till the sheriff stops by
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Fredericton, New Brunswick
Posts: 4,914
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Torzelbaum View Post
A question for the esteemed panel : is that intro awesome or is nostalgia clouding my judgement?
For a cartoon from the 80's, it's pretty OK, but the band sure is trying it's darnedest to sell us the epic struggle against the Spiral Zone.

"DARKNESS!
HAS FALLEN!
ON THE VICTIMS!
OF THE ZONE!"

I guess I should feel bad for the victims of the zone, but it looks like the consequence it becoming a doofy zombie.

Man, the 80's were a good time for cartoon intros. Even some of the ones that were mostly clips from episodes could be pretty good (Ducktales, for example).

The 90's, however, despite some REALLY high points also had some crazy low points in it's animation openings.



And you can take this as a recommendation too (though I'm hoping Octo covers the thing I PM'd him). I feel like a fun game would be to read any Swamp Thing issue in Alan Moore's run and then just jump right into this.
Reply With Quote
  #42  
Old 04-10-2017, 09:11 PM
Bongo Bill's Avatar
Bongo Bill Bongo Bill is offline
oh my car
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Colorado Land
Posts: 19,922
Default

Octo, if you can't find an episode of Thundarr, not even one that fell off the back of a truck full of pirated cartoons, then maybe you'll at least consent to do the intro?
Reply With Quote
  #43  
Old 04-11-2017, 03:51 AM
Octopus Prime's Avatar
Octopus Prime Octopus Prime is offline
Kringle Machine
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: The Great White North
Posts: 42,978
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Torzelbaum View Post
That is very off-brand for Octo - who to my memory is like Jughead. (Which might be why he talks about him so much when talking about the CW's live-action Archie show.)
Um actually, it's Veronica I talk about because half her screen time is devoted to her dressing like a wizard and making vengeful proclamations.
Reply With Quote
  #44  
Old 04-11-2017, 07:56 AM
Sven's Avatar
Sven Sven is offline
For Great Apollo Justice
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 21,019
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Torzelbaum View Post
A question for the esteemed panel : is that intro awesome or is nostalgia clouding my judgement?
Probably a little bit of trying-too-hard (and the song's not as catchy, as, say, the MASK theme).

It was a weird toyline overall - it was a Tonka project, licensed from Bandai as best as I can tell, and then the cartoon was handed to the same company that was responsible for fucking AUTOMAN.
Reply With Quote
  #45  
Old 04-11-2017, 09:56 AM
muteKi's Avatar
muteKi muteKi is online now
an eeling of Christmas
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Green chile cheeseburger capital of the world
Posts: 9,870
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Octopus Prime View Post
Um actually, it's Veronica I talk about because half her screen time is devoted to her dressing like a wizard and making vengeful proclamations.
Is it on Netflix? This comment might be the reason I start watching that show
Reply With Quote
  #46  
Old 04-11-2017, 10:04 AM
Octopus Prime's Avatar
Octopus Prime Octopus Prime is offline
Kringle Machine
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: The Great White North
Posts: 42,978
Default

Oddly, it is in Canada, but not the in US, where it airs weekly on the CW.

The show is flippin' bananas, and I love it for its potassium intake.
Reply With Quote
  #47  
Old 04-11-2017, 10:48 AM
Torzelbaum's Avatar
Torzelbaum Torzelbaum is offline
????? LV 13 HP 292/
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Central Illinois
Posts: 10,347
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Octopus Prime View Post
Um actually, it's Veronica I talk about because half her screen time is devoted to her dressing like a wizard and making vengeful proclamations.
I might be confusing your posts with others that always mention Jughead.
Reply With Quote
  #48  
Old 04-11-2017, 11:38 AM
Dracula's Avatar
Dracula Dracula is offline
Video Monster
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: If you go in the direction of the arrow.
Posts: 3,024
Default

Thought of some more options...

Cadillacs & Dinosaurs (mid-90s post apocalyptic adventure; had a Capcom beat-em-up game in arcades)
Mutant League the Movie (featuring melting skin, decapitations, and awful CG landscapes, all within the first 3 minutes)
Reply With Quote
  #49  
Old 04-11-2017, 06:04 PM
That Old Chestnut's Avatar
That Old Chestnut That Old Chestnut is offline
you work for ME now
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 2,650
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MetManMas View Post
Didn't mean to dissuade you from your suggestion, BTW. I just thought you should know about that.
aw, we're good, bubba
Reply With Quote
  #50  
Old 04-13-2017, 05:24 AM
Googleshng's Avatar
Googleshng Googleshng is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: CT
Posts: 15,708
Default

Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors seems to at least largely be archived on youtube, and always stood out to me as Notable.

And I think Kaiba's on Crunchyroll or somesuch?
Reply With Quote
  #51  
Old 04-13-2017, 06:55 PM
Octopus Prime's Avatar
Octopus Prime Octopus Prime is offline
Kringle Machine
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: The Great White North
Posts: 42,978
Default

Okay, as implied upthread a bit, our own Mr. Johnny Unusual sent me a link t something to use for this thread. It... uh... it takes some unpacking.

Decisions Made Beyond the Ken of Man presents...



Who Shrank Saturday Morning?

And, guy's, I don't know. I don't know much, and I sure as hell don't know about this. Near as I can tell, this was a promotional special that used Saved by the Bell to help advertise all the cartoons coming to NBC, Saturday mornings in the late 80s. Very specifically Next Saturday. Since Saved By the Bell was essentially the murderer of NBCs Saturday Morning Cartoon Block. This is a bit dodgey. But since the stars, too, were all destroyed by that same industry (Except for Mario Lopez), I feel there's a lesson to be learned here.

Not sure what kind of lesson, but a profound one.

SO ANYWAY, we're starting up in media res where half the SbtB cast is wondering where Zack and Screech are. Zack, for those who are unfamiliar with the nature of the program, is largely Ferris Bueller, but without any of the charm and who is seemingly nigh-omnipotent thanks to TV editing tricks and also, I hate him. Screech is a Horrible TV Nerd, and I also hate him.

Anyway, as the gang wonders Where That Zack Is At, while watching a TV that is in the middle of a high school classroom airing the news for no discernable reason, they happen to notice Zack and Screech wandering through what is supposed to be a Tron-Esque electronic world but is, in reality, a black stage with Christmas decorations, after one of Screechs wacky inventions blew them into Cyberspace.

So... err... this is Tron. This is straight up Tron except it is also Saved by the Bell. Saved by the Bell Ruins All I Love.

Screech informs the rest of the gang that to restore him and Zack from the endless nightmare of living as teenagers forever on TV, they need to get to his Shrinking Machine and turn it off. A very simple set of instructions that results in lots of terrible TERRIBLE flirting between all the cast members because everything about Saved By the Bell is awful, a task they succeed in easily despite the fears of running afoul of Baysides new Truant Officer. And Lisa and Slater decides to just jump right in front of the Shrink Lasers beam because they are idiots. So now all four of them are in CYBER TV-LAND, but not all hope is lost, as they hear a very familiar voice call over to them.

"I know that voice! It's Alf!" cries Screech, indicating that, no, the episode of Saved By the Bell that's also ripping off TRON is not done being bugnuts.

Alf, sitting under a flashing neon sign that says "ALF" in block letters, doesn't seem to care that four humans have been teleported into TV Land, not when he has a cartoon to plug. And so, we are treated to Alf describing one scene of his cartoon to his captive audience.

I'm not using that as a means to describe that they are literally unable to leave, the kids are completely enthralled by Alfs joke-free recitation of an episode of a cartoon that hasn't aired yet.

"And if you think that's great", proclaims Gordon Shumway, more than a little optimistically, "Wait until you see John Candys new cartoon, Camp Candy!"

But first, commercials!

Noted sex criminal Dr. Bill Cosby tells us the virtue of Kodak Film, quick to put away the photos he took with his new Kodak Color camera when he realizes the TV camera is still filming him.

A Upward Climbing baby steals a newspaper and wins a contest to be part of a Pampers commercial. The baby is presumably unaware that s/he is presently in a Pampers ad.

Bounce Stain-guard keeps mothers from being upset with their clumsy children

Back in TV LAND, Gordon Shumway is still trying to keep the disintegrated children interested by telling them about how much he wants to eat cats. Lisa is concerned that their parents will ground them if they remain prisoners in the TV CYBERZONE which puts a fairly slanted view on her priorities.

Luckily, Alf has a solution; all they need to escape TV Land is to visit The Master Programmer (whose name is accompanied by fanfare), but, sadly, he's very elusive.

"The only person you see less of is Dan Quayle!" says Alf to polite laughter from the kids.

Then more clips of Alf Tales. This time he's chased by a large lizard?

"WOW THAT LOOKS COOL!" says easily impressed Mario Lopez.

And then, much like the rest of society they leave Alf alone forever, heading off to a different Tron-esque Laser Tag Arena where they find John Moschitta Jr.; The Micro Machines Guy! Also Blurr from Transformers!

Here he's Flash the Circuit Maker, dressed like a cyborg Willy Wonka(?), and he wants to know what TV show the kids escaped from;

"No no, you don't understand! We're not supposed to be in TV Land at all!" explains Zack, echoing my own thoughts.

Meanwhile, back in the Real World, the new Truant Officer shows up and, having noticed that two thirds of the Saved by the Bell cast is missing, decides to send attack dogs out to murder them if they don't return by lunch.

No, I am not exaggerating.

Back in Cyberspace, the kids find a Japanese shrine that contains a lamp possessed by the spirit of Pat Morita! Whom Slater identifies as "The Karate Kid guy!" Which is all the prompting the lamp needs to tell the kids all about the exciting new Karate Kid animated series!

Apparently there was a Karate Kid animated series. It involved, among other things, everyone searching for Magic Lamps and Daniel surfing on a torpedo that blows up a battleship that has a large target painted on it.

Having told the cast of Saved by the Bell all about the cartoon which he is the physical embodiment of (I... guess?) Pat Moritas Ghost causes a magical door to appear that will lead them to the Master Programmer. Then Zack and Slater start arguing because that is the fuel that powers the engine of Saved by the Bell.

Then they stop arguing just as quickly and jump into the Magic Door that leads them to the Smurf Village. This time there is no in-universe justification for the kids to watch a promo for a cartoon, Papa Smurf just starts narrating that the new season of The Smurfs involves time traveling to Dinosaur Times.

Then the kids walk off and wander straight into Camp Candy, the Summer Camp run by Dr. Tongue himself, John Candy! Which I guess is built on the outskirts of Smurf Village? In the Year One Million BC?

Man, I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. I hate you for doing this to me, Johnny.

Anyway, John Candy then wanders in, his arms heavy with the weight of camping gear, and he's very excited to actually see some actual people who aren't cartoons, or who are trying to tell him about cartoons. Or who are dressed like the Wonkaborg.

But Lisa shuts him down because she straight up wants nothing to do with John Candy.

Wait, is the actual SCTV alumni John Candy stuck in TV Land, or is he just the Anthropomorphic Personification of Camp Candy? I... don't know. and the special is doing nothing to present answers.

Certainly not when John Candy can have some wacky pratfalls (that don't even garner Pity Laughs from the cast) so Mr. Candy can advertise his own upcoming show. Which is a solid minute and a half of fat jokes at John Candys expense, and also he is frightened by a bear, while a very bored John reads a press release.

Screech is completely on board with this, but John wants nothing to do with him. Then he tries to tell everyone to abandon their quest to find the Master Programmer because he's in a terrible mood, and to just stay here in Camp Candy.

STOP PLAYING GAMES WITH THE HEARTS OF THE CAST OF SAVED BY THE BELL, JOHN CANDY!

Anyway, Commercial time again.

Snuggley the Snuggles Bear watches children put on their pajamas

People like Kentucky Friend Chicken

Alvin the Chipmunk dances with Micheal Jackson whilst singing Billie Jean


Now the kids are at a crossroad and don't know where to go, when The Micro Machine Guy shows up again and is much more helpful, telling them to follow the path to Great Saturday Morning Cartoons, and use their imagination to make the show they REALLY want to see, then they'll find the Master Programmer.

So Screech Thinks Hard (you can tell because he's massaging his temples and declaring "I'm Using My Imagination") and then he runs off to a giant NES Advantage controller, saying that "The most exciting I can think of it a fantastic video game, full of adventure!"

Also, pretty sure that the construction of this one set, explains where 90% of this specials budget went. Well, the giant Advantage Controller and the guest appearance by John Candy.

Anyway, a giant Nintendo is as good an excuse as we're going to get to show off Captain N: The Game Master.

"Hey! Let me blast that Eight-Point Wizard and the King Hippo for a while" proclaims Slater.

Back in the real world, the Truant Officer is still trying to kill students with dogs. Just in case you forgot about that. And Kelly and Jessie are trying to communicate that to the captive students (TVs offer two-way communication), but decide to drop the subject when they realize the kids are now in The Chipmunks neighborhood.

"Ooh, I love the Chipmunks!" proclaims Jessie, forgetting all about the school faculty member who is trying to murder her friends with dogs.
"I hear their new season starts tomorrow!" adds Kelly, also no longer concerned about the imminent dog-murder of her boyfriend.

So then a teaser for Alvin and the Chipmunks starts. If you guessed it involved songs being sped up just enough to avoid copyright infringement while cartoon rodents provided wacky on-screen antics, congratulations. You guessed right.

If you guessed that aforesaid antics involved Theodore wearing a safari hat, oven mitts and boxer shorts wrestling an iguana on a pogo-stick then, well... that's a really good guess and I'm genuinely impressed.

The Truant Officer then turns off the TV wondering why kids don't like Laurence Welk anymore and then, once again, reminds everyone that, yes, she is absolutely going to murder four children. With dogs.

And then the captive kids suddenly find themselves in the Master Programmers lair, and he is an Evil Wizard, watching looping footage of that Karate Kid cartoon. Presumably because it had the nicest animation of anything else.

And then the Master Programmer turns around and reveals that he's Sherman Hemsley, dressed in a very extravagant white tuxedo. And he's also super nice guy. He just told The Micro Machine Guy and John Candy try to convince anyone who gets stuck in TV land otherwise in order to give them the run-around so they'll enjoy it more.

As you do.

And, as a reward for reaching him, The Master Programmer decides to make the kids from Bayside High the star of a brand new hit TV show!

Which means that Who Shrunk Saturday Morning is actually the Saved by the Bell Prequel.

Anyway, Sherman Hemsley then teleports the kids back to Bayside just before the lunch bell rings, meaning that they arrive just before the deadline set by the truant officer, robbing her of her excuse to kill them with her dogs.

And since she never appeared in the series proper, I can only assume that she was immediately fired by Mr. Belding for trying to murder the student body. With attack dogs.

And that's all. Thank you, Johnny Unusual, for introducing me to this madness, and for teaching me a new meaning of regret.
Reply With Quote
  #52  
Old 04-13-2017, 07:14 PM
Johnny Unusual's Avatar
Johnny Unusual Johnny Unusual is offline
till the sheriff stops by
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Fredericton, New Brunswick
Posts: 4,914
Default

This made my day. I'm having a difficult time deciding which part of this goes in the best post thread.
Reply With Quote
  #53  
Old 04-13-2017, 07:17 PM
Octopus Prime's Avatar
Octopus Prime Octopus Prime is offline
Kringle Machine
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: The Great White North
Posts: 42,978
Default

Oh, also, there was no laugh track dubbed in. So, instead, the cast just adlibs in their own when they think a joke has happened.

Not always successfully.
Reply With Quote
  #54  
Old 04-13-2017, 07:29 PM
Johnny Unusual's Avatar
Johnny Unusual Johnny Unusual is offline
till the sheriff stops by
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Fredericton, New Brunswick
Posts: 4,914
Default

I actually rediscovered this recently, but I have VERY vivid memories of watching this. I was REALLY excited about Captain N. Because I had not seen it.

But say what you will, Levi Stubbs as Mother Brain is great casting.
Reply With Quote
  #55  
Old 04-14-2017, 08:13 AM
Dracula's Avatar
Dracula Dracula is offline
Video Monster
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: If you go in the direction of the arrow.
Posts: 3,024
Default

Did I watch all 23 minutes of this while working on a power point presentation? Yes, yes I did.

Despite being one of those 80s-fascinated people, I've never watched Saved by the Bell and I'm only somewhat familiar with it. You could tell me that every episode involves a cartoonishly evil epaulette-wearing truant officer trying to kill the cast with dogs, and I'd believe it.

Also she had the correct reaction to the Chipmunks.

Anyway this was amazing.
Reply With Quote
  #56  
Old 04-14-2017, 12:00 PM
Octopus Prime's Avatar
Octopus Prime Octopus Prime is offline
Kringle Machine
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: The Great White North
Posts: 42,978
Default

Man, if I started convincing people to watch Saved by the Bell, I'd declare this whole experiment a complete failure.
Reply With Quote
  #57  
Old 04-15-2017, 04:57 PM
Octopus Prime's Avatar
Octopus Prime Octopus Prime is offline
Kringle Machine
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: The Great White North
Posts: 42,978
Default

...

I... have found something.

I have found something incredible.

I don't want to give anything away, but someone on this very forum will be very happy with this thread in the near future.
Reply With Quote
  #58  
Old 04-15-2017, 06:30 PM
Octopus Prime's Avatar
Octopus Prime Octopus Prime is offline
Kringle Machine
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: The Great White North
Posts: 42,978
Default

Oh boy. Ooooooohhhhh boyyyyyyy

The Best YouTube Search Ever Presents



THE SKELETON WARRIORS

OKAY! THIS IS A REAL THING THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED!

Near as I can tell, this is a cartoon made to advertise a toy line. A toy line of magical heroes and a million billion SKELETONS. Just the intro alone is a solid two minutes of sweet flying motorcycle-riding Skeletons while the theme song (which is just someone Van Halening the hell of of the words "SKELETON WARRIORS". This is 1000% my jam already. The show itself is just He-Man, except with an actual animation budget and if instead of a SKELETON wizard, it had a million billion skeletons, wizard and not!

But before we get to the good stuff, we have to deal with prologue. Seems that two brothers, Justin and Joshua (just finished watching the first episode and, no, I still can't figure out which is which) and they're having an arguement while having a shirtless lightsaber fight. Seems their father the King of Lumonosity up and died and left the older Brother the new King. And that's only a source of contention because he doesn't want his brother to hang out with his buddy Baron Dark. The Evil Cackling Wizard who lives in Lumonocitys Evil Haunted Mansion district.

You know, just in case you didn't figure out that he's a bad guy from the fact that his name is literally Baron Dark.

Anyway, Weenybro ain't having none of it, so he whines his way out of Castle Lumonocity and heads over to Baron Darks Spooky Castle, and the Baron has a great idea for getting back at his brother; they should steal the Lightstar Crystal, source of Lumonocitys luminosity. And he agrees because he's a big ol' dingus.

Prince Weeny and the Baron break into the Lightstars chamber which, being the source of the planets electricty, is defended by King Lessweeny and their sister Jess and her bird. But don't do a great job of it, since the Baron just up and shoots it to pieces. This has two dramatic effects; first it immediately causes the planet to go full Post Apocalypse, making everyone start wearing tattered rags and causes everyone in the Lightstar Room to turn into tornados which leaves them changed.

Specifically, King Less Weeny gets magical lasers, Jess can fly, Prince Weeny turns into a hunk of beef jerky who can also teleport. And as for Baron Dark? Well... HE IS A GIANT SKELETON WIZARD. And he scarpers back to his haunted mansion to show off his RAD SKELETON-BOD to his generals. Also, he he discovers that he can turn others into magical skeletons by touching them and that means he is a Skele-pire! HE IS A BONE DRACULA! AHHHHHHH!

Naturally, this means that the Baron and his Skeleton Warriors should go ahead and attack Lumonocity and finish destroying the Lightstar and probably make more skeletons out of people. As you do.

Their attack goes pretty well since in addition to being a BADASS SKELEBOSS who owns a fleet of flying skull-and-axe encrusted motorcycles that shoot lasers (HELL YES!) Baron Dark and Associates are impervious to harm and can regenerate themselves when harmed. Compared to that, Flight, Teleporting and Lasers are sucky superpowers. So the siblings get the heck out of dodge and flee to their uncles house. With no transition scene so... I don't know how? Their Uncle is straight up Man-At-Arms, btw. Like... in all ways.

Uncle Man-At-Arms says "So, blew up the Lightstar Crystal, eh? Yep, that'll give you magic powers all right" and then gives everyone custom-fit SKELETON ARMOR and superhero code names (King Lightstone for Good Bro, Talon for Flying Lady, and Grimskull for Jerkyboy) and then Baron Dark finds them again as he can psychically connect to Grimskull, as he's half-SKELETON.

Technically, everybody is Half Skeleton, if you think about it.

Anyway, The SKELETON WARRIORS are still invincible and everything, so Uncle Man At Arms just goes ahead and blows up his house, and the explosion scatters Baron Dark and his soldiers so thoroughly that it's a day or two before they can reassemble, giving TEAM FLESHY time to escape and the idea to start an Anti-Skeleton Resistance.

And that's where the first episode ends. And with at least one new, completely obsessed fan.

Last edited by Octopus Prime; 04-16-2017 at 06:05 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #59  
Old 04-15-2017, 06:44 PM
Bongo Bill's Avatar
Bongo Bill Bongo Bill is offline
oh my car
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Colorado Land
Posts: 19,922
Default

If you can, Octo, I recommend you stick stick an ep of "Rambo: The Force of Freedom" in your queue.
Reply With Quote
  #60  
Old 04-15-2017, 06:54 PM
Dracula's Avatar
Dracula Dracula is offline
Video Monster
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: If you go in the direction of the arrow.
Posts: 3,024
Default

Aw yeah, skeleton warriors. Believe or not, I remember some of those figures warming pegs in the late 90s, and then showing up at Big Lots.

There was a successful kickstarter a couple years back that resulted in at least a new Baron Dark figure, not sure what else eventually came of it.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
democracy in action , octo-good

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:18 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Your posts ©you, 2007