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Old 12-19-2016, 11:37 AM
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Default Super Smash Souls - The Winter Tourney


In this, our literal winter of our discontent, I need some good old fashioned escapism to take my mind off our impending political doom. And what better way to celebrate the final days of the empire than through a Smash-Em-Up of those fallen heroes and rotten gods from the devastated kingdoms of the Souls series. Yup, we're going to find out which Souls boss would win in a fight.

I've taken all the formal bosses from Demon's Souls, Dark Souls, Dark Souls II, Bloodborne, and Dark Souls III (except for the two DS3 DLC bosses because they wouldn't fit in the bracket and it's not even done yet) separated them in Lightweight and Heavyweight divisions, and they've been randomly paired up for round one. Will this always result in a fair fight? Probably not. Will it be fun? I hope so!

(Note: Lightweight and Heavyweight were determined by my arbitrary gut feelings. There are plenty of borderline cases, but the brackets are made so bitch all you want there aren't going to be any changes.)

We'll vote on one Lightweight and one Heavyweight fight a day, winners will proceed to the next round. Simple. The vigorous energy of our debates should keep us warm through the winter months, should WWIII not break out beforehand.

By the very nature of this tournament Spoilers Abound. Proceed at your own risk. And with no further ado, the contestants:

Lightweight Division
Dirty Colossus DeS
Flamelurker DeS
Fool's Idol DeS
False King Allant DeS
Maneater DeS
Astraea/Garl Vinland DeS
Old Monk DeS
Penetrator DeS
Capra Demon DS
Crossbreed Priscilla DS
Dark Sun Gwyndolin DS
Dragon Slayer Ornstein/Executioner Smough DS
Gravelord Nito DS
Gwyn, Lord of Cinder DS
Knight Artorias DS
Moonlight Butterfly DS
Pinwheel DS
Santuary Guardian DS
The Pursuer DS2
Dragonrider DS2
Old Dragonslayer DS2
Flexile Sentry DS2
Ruin Sentinels DS2
The Lost Sinner DS2
Skeleton Lords DS2
Executioner's Chariot DS2
Mythra, The Baneful Queen DS2
Proweling Magus & Congredation DS2
Royal Rat Vanguard DS2
Looking Glass Knight DS2
Velstadt, the Royal Aegis DS2
Vendrick DS2
Throne Defender/Throne Watcher DS2
Aldia, Scholar of the First Sin DS2
Darklurker DS2
Neshandra DS2
Elana, the Squalid Queen DS2
Graverobber/Varg/Cerah DS2
Fume Knigh DS2
Sir Alonne DS2
Burnt Ivory King DS2
Father Gascoigne BB
Blood-Starved Beast BB
The Witch of Hemwick BB
Shadow of Yhrnam BB
Micolash, Host of the Nightmare BB
Mergo's Wet Nurse BB
Martyr Longarius BB
Celestial Emissary BB
Ebrietas, Daughter of the Cosmos BB
Gehrman, the First Hunter BB
Moon Presence BB
Living Failures BB
Lady Maria of the Astral Clocktower BB
Orphan of Kos BB
Iudex Gundyr DS3
Crystal Sage DS3
Decons of the Deep DS3
Abyss Watchers DS3
Pontiff Sulyvahn DS3
Aldrich, Devourer of Gods DS3
Dragonslayer Armour DS3
Lorian/Lothric DS3
Soul of Cinder DS3
Champion's Gravetender/Gravetender Greatwolf DS3
Sister Friede DS3


The Heavyweights
Adjudicator DeS
Armor Spider DeS
Dragon God DeS
Leechmonger DeS
Old Hero DeS
Phalanx DeS
Storm King DeS
Tower Knight DeS
Vanguard DeS
Asylum Demon DS
Bed of Chaos DS
Bell Gargoyles DS
Black Dragon Kalameet DS
Ceaseless Discharge DS
Centipede Demon DS
Quelaag DS
Demon Firesage DS
Four Kings DS
Gaping Dragon DS
Iron Golem DS
Seath the Scaleless DS
Sif, the Great Grey Wolf DS
Taurus Demon DS
Manus, Father of the Abyss DS
Last Giant DS2
Belfry Gargoyles DS2
Covetous Demon DS2
Smelter Demon DS2
Old Iron King DS2
Scorpioness Najka DS2
Royal Rat Authority DS2
The Duke's Dear Freja DS2
The Rotten DS2
Demon of Song DS2
Ancient Dragon DS2
Giant Lord DS2
Sinh, the Slumbering Dragon DS2
Aava, the King's Pet DS2
Lud/Zallen DS2
Cleric Beast BB
Vicar Amelia BB
Barkbeast Paarl BB
Rom, the Vacuous Spider BB
The One Reborn BB
Amygdala BB
Ludwig the Accursed BB
Laurence, the First Vicar BB
Vordt of the Boreal Valley DS3
Curse-rotted Greatwood DS3
High Lord Wolnir DS3
Old Demon King DS3
Yhorm the Giant DS3
Dancer of the Boreal Valley DS3
Oceiros, the Consumed King DS3
Ancient Wyvern DS3
Nameless King DS3


The Arenas
In Souls games the arena boss fights occur in are sometimes as important as the boss itself. Final Destination No Items is boring. So fights will take place in a random arena, and if this should be unfavorable to one of the contestants, then so be it.

I believe that covers everything, so without further ado, let's get SSSSSSSMASHING.
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  #2  
Old 12-19-2016, 11:51 AM
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YYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS S
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Old 12-19-2016, 12:33 PM
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Day 1

Lightweight Division



Dirty Colosus

A hulking abomination of trash and filth that accumulated in the bottom of the Valley of Defilement. Made from a spiky carapace, wooden planks, and a scarecrow sack of a head, what this dirty boy lacks in physical stability it makes up in revolting presence and command over a swarm of vile insects. DC is like that Metal Gear 3 boss except it's flies instead of bees. Same level of coolness tho.

Attack: 6/10. Ever get hit with a sack full of shit? This is that.
Defense: 2/10 Falling apart under his own weight. Still, there's a lot of that weight to go around.
Speed: 2/10 Slow as scum sliding through a sewer.
Gumption: 1/10 Hard to say if it even has a brain.
Likes: Magots, toxin
Dislikes: Soap, fire

VS.



The Soul of Cinder

The essence of every bro who linked the flame, on fire! Cindy can manifest any number of weapons that are on fire and do a wicked backflip to boot.

Attack: 8/10 He's got all the weapons that ever were.
Defense: 6/10 Who even upgrades armor anyway? Plus what's there is all ashy.
Speed: 7/10 Reasonably fast, plus he can get all flippy.
Gumption: 4/10 Hard to parse his motivations, but one has to imagine that being constantly burnt for millennia has left him a tad ornery.
Likes: light, following orders, soothing balms
Dislikes: dark, serpents, upstart lordings

Arena: Top of Latria

The grand room where the Old Monk stores his pile of chairs, not much is going to help DC here, I think.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Heavyweight Division



Old Demon King

The last of his kind, the ruler of the demons... maybe. Perhaps he got his royal title because he was the only one left. Regardless, this old flamer's got a big old hammer and fire magic in spades. He may be on his last legs, but that doesn't mean he's not a force to contend with.

Attack: 6/10 Lots of big AOE attacks but they're all of a singular nature.
Defense: 4/10 He's not getting any younger.
Speed: 3/10 He's got a top speed of shuffle.
Gumption: 4/10 Fueled by the anger only kids on the lawn and loud music can provide.
Likes: Prunes, rocking chairs, dentures
Dislikes: Genocide, millennials

VS.



Demon Firesage

He's like the Asylum Demon except more burny. He's got a big bulk, a big club, and a big tude. The normal strategy of stab 'im in the butt ain't going to help the Old King here.

Attack: 6/10 He doesn't often get a hit off, but when he does, he hits hard.
Defense: 5/10 tough hide, barbecued to perfection
Speed: 3/10 His copious weight means he's slow to turn and slow to react.
Gumption: 2/10 A copy of a tutorial boss. He ain't got much to live for.
Likes: Dental hygiene
Dislikes: Deadlines

Arena: The King's Passage. Here's where Vendrick fled his throne. The torrential downpour will be a hindrance to both contestants, but since their fires are born from the magical chaos flame, it shouldn't be a huge disadvantage.

Voting will conclude in 24 hours You have until 14:30:00 EST.
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  #4  
Old 12-19-2016, 12:37 PM
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Got to be Soul of Cinder and Old Demon King
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Old 12-19-2016, 01:05 PM
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As much as I like a turtle made of garbage and a lava man, giving the vote to Soul of Cinder and Old Demon King.
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Old 12-19-2016, 01:54 PM
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Soul of Cinder is a no-brainer but never count out the butt stomp. I'm going with Demon Firesage.
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Old 12-19-2016, 05:29 PM
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Soul of Cinder, easy

So, the Old Demon King has fire magic that hits wider areas with some weird, hard to dodge hitboxes, plus a big hammer. The Demon Firesage is strong against fire magic, but strangely, deals magic damage with his mega buttstomp. Also, buttstomp. HMMM.

I have to go Old Demon King because I imagine he got to be king by beating all the other demons, right? He's also harder to avoid attacks from. The buttstomp wins points for style, but it's pretty easy to see coming. Especially if you're the same size.
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Old 12-19-2016, 05:46 PM
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For that matter, is he a king of elderly demons, or is he a demon king who isn't as young as he used to be?
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Old 12-19-2016, 06:02 PM
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All I know is he has old in the name and as Homer says "old people are useless."
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Old 12-19-2016, 06:18 PM
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Rad contest!

Soul of Cinder and Old Demon King. I bet DS3 will do pretty well overall. It's not my favorite game in the series, but it had a lot of great bosses.
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Old 12-19-2016, 07:16 PM
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Damn you for making this tourney PS4 exclusive!! What's next, you are going to make it 30fps so it's "more cinematic"????
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  #12  
Old 12-20-2016, 11:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jpfriction View Post
Soul of Cinder is a no-brainer but never count out the butt stomp. I'm going with Demon Firesage.
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Old 12-20-2016, 11:53 AM
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Soul of Cinder would light all those little bugs on fire.

Butt stomps are OP, and also Old Demon King is basically just Demon Firesage but older and therefore worse, he can only shamble around, he can no longer butt stomp. Demon Firesage wins it.
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Old 12-20-2016, 12:39 PM
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No contest here for both divisions. Soul of Cinder was a gimmie, but you guys really like an old weak old feeble dork for some reasons.

Lightweight Division



Vendrick

Normally, King Vendrick, that famous king who founded Drangleic, is normally just a cool bro who’s content to chill. But when riled up he becomes quite the force with his big ol’ sword and his orbs. What’s more, he’s awfully resilient unless confronted with some of those giant giant souls everyone’s on about.

Attack: 5/10 Not super strong. All those years of pacing have taken their toll.
Defense: 10/10 To even hurt the guy you gotta take down like 5 other bosses.
Speed: 2/10 Step. Step. Swing. Step.
Gumption: 0/10 Dude’s basically a zombie right? Even getting him to notice he’s in a fight is a monumental task.
Likes: duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhh
Dislikes: buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh

VS.



Throne Watcher and Throne Defender

By a twist of fate the two dudes Vendrick set up to defend his throne while he plotzed off are his opponents. These two are nasty pieces of work, especially when they’re up against a single foe. Watcher’s got a big sword and small shield, while Defender’s got a small sword and a big shield. They’re skilled at the old tag-team and what’s more they’ll revive each other if not felled in tandem. A truly terrible twosome.
Attack: 4/10 Alone they’d be no problem. But together the can be relentless.

Defense: 4/10 Likewise. Normally one of them wouldn’t stand up for much punishment, but when you gotta constantly watch your six…
Speed: 5/10 Average I guess. Gotta be quick with the kill tho, or there’s no end in sight.
Gumption: 8/10 Relentless in their duty. Nothing will stop them.
Likes: Doublemint gum, gross beards
Dislikes: Fools steppin on their turf, bicycles built for one.

Arena

Faron’s Keep. Resting place of the Abyss Watchers. Though strewn with corpses, there’s not much in this arena that will help or impair any of the combatants.

Heavyweight Division



Iron Golem

He’s the guy at the top of Sen’s. A brute of a bruiser, with one crippling Achilles’ heal. Also, you know: Tarkus. But when he’s not stumbling around, this guy is a guy not to be messed with. He’s made out of Iron, has a big old axe of iron, and boots of iron for stompin. Basically, the less high up this guy is, the more dangerous. The arena could make or break this fight.

Attack: 7/10 He’s literally a rockem sockem robot except his head don’t pop off.
Defense: 7/10 Iron son.
Speed: 4/10 Pretty sluggish, but given that he’s the size of a barn means he covers a lot of ground with each movement.
Gumption: 3/10 What’s this guy’s deal? I don’t even know if he’s alive.
Likes: Vin Diesel.
Dislikes: Anything taller than 15 feet.

VS.



Sif, the Great Grey Wolf

Fan favorite, it’s that pupper. He’s just a good pup, defending his master’s grave. For some reason, though he’s a big fuck off wolf, he prefers to fight with a sword. He jumps and spins like a bastard, but should his vulnerable underbelly become exposed it could mean lights out for this doggo.

Attack: 5/10 He’s a wolf, but he doesn’t fight like a wolf.
Defense: 3/10 Uses a sword but doesn’t even strap on a helmet. So much for canine intelligence.
Speed: 8/10 Quick as lightning and twice as deadly.
Gumption: 9/10 Even friends will feel his blade should they be steppin’.
Likes: Pets, pats, belly rubs.
Dislikes: Nothing. He’s a good good pup.

Arena

Darkmoon Tomb. That long ass hallway beneath Anor Londo. A disadvantage for both competitors as neither will have much room to maneuver, Iron G less so. At least he can’t take a tumble.

Voting ends tomorrow at 14:30:00 EST.
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Old 12-20-2016, 12:43 PM
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Vendrick is a dumb and the fight is incredibly long and boring but the guy can take the punishment. I don't even remember those other two.

Iron Golem is a great little fight but he's a chump compared to Sif tight quarters or no.
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Old 12-20-2016, 01:06 PM
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The throne bros are way too busy thronin to go hunting for giant souls. Gotta go with Vendrick.


The iron golem will start to cry immediately upon learning Sif's story and will sieze up with rust as he laments not taking up Andre's offer to upgrade him to the Stainless Steel Golem. Going with Sif.
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Old 12-20-2016, 01:09 PM
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I guess Old King Kingston would win by default by merit of that whole great soul thing.

Also PUPPERS! wins by default in everything because s/he is a GIANT PUPPY DOG!
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Old 12-20-2016, 10:44 PM
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Sif is a female


I dunno, I think the Throne Defenders are fast enough to just zoop around and avoid Vendrick's easily avoidable attacks, and he's too slow to kill both together in time. Even without giant souls they'd whittle him down over a long time.


Also Sif because she is a good pupper, yes she is.
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Old 12-20-2016, 11:12 PM
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Vendrick because he's probably the actual best character in the series and because he's a giant king. Iron Golem because look at that head! Yeah, he's just a suit of armor, but he's also super well designed and he deserves some appreciation.

Btw, how does this game actually work? Am I supposed to consider the characters and how they interact, or can I just keep voting for whoever I like?
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Old 12-21-2016, 05:14 AM
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Who would win in a fight but it doesn't really matter vote how your heart guides you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul
Sif is a female
A quick googling reveals this is a debate I don't want any part in.
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  #21  
Old 12-21-2016, 07:58 AM
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Sounds good. Thanks for running this!
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Old 12-21-2016, 10:34 AM
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I think the Throne Guardians are smart enough and strong enough to acquire the great souls, and I like the mental image of them doing the game co-op so they can put their old boss out of his misery. Once they get the souls Vendrick doesn't have a chance.

The Iron Golem could lock down the Darkmoon Shrine with force waves from his enchanted great axe, and grapple Sif if he got too close or tried to jump overhead. Iron Golem controls that space perfectly, plus Sif relies on slashing with his giant sword and there's just no room. Sif isn't able to thrust.
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Old 12-21-2016, 11:20 AM
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Throne Guardians because 2v1 always wins.

Puppums
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Old 12-21-2016, 11:22 AM
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Quote:
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Throne Guardians because 2v1 always wins.
Then how did I beat Orny and Smough?
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  #25  
Old 12-21-2016, 11:32 AM
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Summoned like a chump.
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  #26  
Old 12-21-2016, 12:34 PM
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Vendrick and Sif move on. I was kinda expecting the throne defenders to make a better showing but oh well. Next up.

Lightweight Division



Moonlight Butterfly

A Final Fantasy boss fell into Dark Souls. The MLBF was created by Seath when he combined a narwhale with a gross bug. MLBF’s skills include the ability to hover just out of reach and also a big laser. Like all gross bugs it is stupid.

Attack: 2/10 It’s a butterfly that shoots sparkles what are you expecting?
Defense: 0/10 No defense to speak of. A stiff breeze could do this dope in.
Speed: 2/10 You think it would be speedy but nope it just kinda lazily drifts about.
Gumption: 1/10 All the rage of a nectar drinking insect.
Likes: flowers, moons, unicorns, mmmmmmagic
Dislikes: swallows, cats, nets


VS.




Celestial Emissary

Nope, not a bunch of aliens. Just a bunch of regular dudes turned into aliens by alien flowers! These guys are as squishy as heck but they got those sweet sweet mind magics, and, once enough of them go dowm, in comes like a big ol one. He’s not any less squishy though.
Attack: 5/10 Physically weak but man they got that brain juice.
Defense: 3/10 Their squishy skin offers some resistance but basically they’re just big bags of goo.
Speed: 5/10 They trot around at that average speed. You know the one.
Gumption: ??/10 Brains warped beyond human recognition, who even knows.
Likes: flowers, moons, unicorns, mmmmmmagic
Dislikes: hunters??? Who can say.

Arena
Dragon’s Rest. The bottom of Shulva, Sanctum City. It’s just a room.


Heavyweight Division





Nameless King


It’s Solaire! Fresh with a new haircut and a stormdrake in tow. This guy can like swoop and stab and lightning (Solaire’s signature move, natch) and is one tough cookie for sure.
Attack: 9/10 Strong.
Defense: 8/10 Tough.
Speed: 8/10 Fast. Hate to be up against this guy.
Gumption: 8/10 Man he like fucked off for a billion years over his principals. He’s got gumption in spades. Positively spunky!
Likes: dragons, storms, mountains
Dislikes: lords, souls, micheal j. fox

VS.



Taurus Demon


Poor stupid son of a bitch, he doesn’t stand a chance. Taurus is notorious for putting down noobs, but come on, he’s going to be chumped against anyone with half a dram of skill. Oh well. Goodnight sweet prince. We hardly knew ye.
Attack: 5/10 He does swing a big axe, that’s for sure.
Defense: 4/10 Resilient to a point, still goes down quick to even a broken straight sword to the brain.
Speed: 5/10 He jumps around with more speed than you would fire guess.
Gumption: 5/10 He sure defends that bridge, that’s for sure.
Likes: chaos, ruins, capra?
Dislikes: falling knights

Arena

Pinwheel’s lab in the Catacombs. Taurus’ only saving grace is that the arena is too small for Solaire to get his stormdrake into. Still, I don’t think it’s going to be much hope.

Voting ends at 14:30:00 EST per normal.
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  #27  
Old 12-21-2016, 02:21 PM
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Moonlight Butterfly has the advantage of height, size and reach over the Moon Men From Planet Beep, but the fight could go down to the judges.

Taurus Demon is a boss even I can beat, so he just winds up being a smoking crater in front of The Nameless King
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Old 12-21-2016, 02:23 PM
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Moonlight Butterfly is a female


Moonlight Butterfly will float out of range and has a cool magic spear for a head spike.

stupid cow demon doesn't can't even get past phase 1 of his fight with the Nameless King. I don't think he even gets to the fog gate.
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  #29  
Old 12-21-2016, 03:13 PM
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The only thing that stupid butterfly has going for it is it can hang out just out of melee range. No chance against a bunch of weird squishy dudes with mind bullets.. Celestial Emissary.

Ole "Nameless" King thunderbutt wins the other match. Not even a question.
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Old 12-21-2016, 03:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Octopus Prime View Post
Moonlight Butterfly has the advantage of height, size and reach over the Moon Men From Planet Beep, but the fight could go down to the judges.

Taurus Demon is a boss even I can beat, so he just winds up being a smoking crater in front of The Nameless King
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