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  #1  
Old 02-26-2018, 10:52 PM
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Default This Is A Thing That Happened. True and Truly Weird News

Stuff like this.

New Vibrator Can Reportedly Order Pizza For You After You Orgasm

Quote:
“Masturbation, while ultimately enjoyable, can be a strenuous physical activity during which an individual exerts a lot of energy and burns many calories. Inevitably, once someone has climaxed, they feel lethargic and hungry,” Parker said in the press release. “Now, in order to enjoy your Saturday night, all you need is your RubGrub device. Get off and get stuffed, all with the quick click of a button.”
NOTE: Dear mods, please move this thead to the Pit. Misclicked.
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  #2  
Old 02-27-2018, 08:28 AM
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Old 02-27-2018, 08:48 AM
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"RubGrub" is the absolute worst word I've ever heard and that's a branding accomplishment
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Old 02-27-2018, 09:56 AM
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I thought the action usually started once the pizza delivery guy arrived, not before.
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Old 02-27-2018, 10:44 AM
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There's an episode of Seinfeld where George prepares himself a sandwich in bed, to eat just after he finishes having sex. When he finishes sex, he immediately rolls over and starts eating the hoagie he prepared in advance... or maybe he makes it right then, I can't remember. By the end of the episode, there's a point where eating a sandwich gets him aroused. Jerry explains "You've combined the two into a single disgusting urge!". There's a big laugh.
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Old 02-27-2018, 04:33 PM
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This is the only episode of Seinfeld I'll cop to having seen (it was by accident), and as I recall, it ends with his having acquired a girlfriend who does exactly the same thing.

I am thoroughly baffled how the man could ever have had any relationship problems ever again, or rather I would be if I cared enough to be baffled.
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Old 02-27-2018, 04:38 PM
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The secret is intuiting George's deep-seated self-loathing. He could never love a woman he relates to, for he sees too much of himself in her, and thus the things he hates.
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Old 02-27-2018, 06:35 PM
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It's actually a pretty good idea as long as user can disable the option and also once it can order something other than hot circles of garbage.
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  #9  
Old 02-27-2018, 06:56 PM
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Vincent? Is that you??
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  #10  
Old 02-27-2018, 11:01 PM
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Old 02-27-2018, 11:36 PM
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brb changing all my final arrangements
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Old 02-28-2018, 01:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ixo View Post
That's cute.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daikaiju View Post
[baffling image]
Uhhh, why was that even a thing in the first place? cue rigor mortis joke
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Old 02-28-2018, 05:54 AM
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I'm not going to lie. Funeral strippers kinda sounds amazing.
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  #14  
Old 02-28-2018, 06:37 AM
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My mother sobs, stuffing a dollar bill into a g-string, "It's what he would have wanted"
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Old 02-28-2018, 07:58 PM
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Oldie but a goodie:

British Inventor Builds Gigantic Butt to Fart at France
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  #16  
Old 02-28-2018, 09:06 PM
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British Inventor is almost right up there with Florida Man
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Old 02-28-2018, 09:32 PM
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Let's not judge what the Doctor does in their time off.
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  #18  
Old 05-02-2018, 06:39 PM
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A woman went to an Indiana fire station to seek help for her pet raccoon, whom she said had been exposed to “too much” marijuana.

WaPo video link.
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Old 05-04-2018, 08:58 AM
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Old 05-04-2018, 09:11 AM
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I don't like this gritty reboot of Shirt Tales.
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  #21  
Old 05-04-2018, 11:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jovewolf View Post
"This is the Evergreen Forest. Quiet. Peaceful. Serene. That is, until Burnt Raccoon tokes up."
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  #22  
Old 05-04-2018, 03:32 PM
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Nice one, Jbear!
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  #23  
Old 05-05-2018, 11:52 PM
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  #24  
Old 05-06-2018, 03:05 AM
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great, another fucking confederate furry
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  #25  
Old 05-06-2018, 11:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JBear View Post
"This is the Evergreen Forest. Quiet. Peaceful. Serene. That is, until Burnt Raccoon tokes up."
I googled Burnt Racoon.

Protip: Do not google burnt racoon.
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  #26  
Old 05-07-2018, 08:05 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Issun View Post
I googled Burnt Racoon.

Protip: Do not google burnt racoon.
If you're looking for context for the joke, which presumably all of the Americans would be lacking, the thing to Google is "Bert Raccoon", or, to save you the trouble:

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  #27  
Old 05-07-2018, 08:36 AM
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If it weren’t for Poochie and Michelangelo, I think Bert Racoon would be my spirit animal.

As it stands, he is part of the triforce that makes up Octos soul.
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  #28  
Old 05-07-2018, 02:43 PM
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Imagine never having heard the ending theme to The Raccoons. This is what makes the Canadian experience superior to all others.

However! We are a polite people! We will share:

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  #29  
Old 05-07-2018, 02:45 PM
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I can't believe any of this thing is real and not just a period-piece parody
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  #30  
Old 05-07-2018, 02:46 PM
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The entire soundtrack to The Raccoons is oddly fantastic.

Honestly, everything about The Raccoons was pretty high quality, considering how it was a cartoon meant to keep 5-year-olds distracted on weekday mornings.
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