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  #15901  
Old 08-15-2018, 05:08 PM
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  #15902  
Old 08-15-2018, 05:53 PM
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Default Life finds a way

This is why evolution gave us the power bottom mutation.
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  #15903  
Old 08-16-2018, 12:43 PM
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Default A Gay Joke

Quote:
a friend of mine told me about her friend i think from high school who was gay but not out, and he pretended for a while to have a girlfriend named Amanda who he would go see a lot, and they’d be all, come hang out with us and he’d be like sorry I’ve got a date with Amanda, and they were like when are we gonna meet this Amanda??? anyway he kept this up for like a year until he finally came out; and when his friends were like, “wait, what about Amanda?” he said, “IT’S A MAN, DUH.”

i have literally never admired anyone’s commitment to a joke more
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  #15904  
Old 08-16-2018, 03:13 PM
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Put in spoiler pop due to size.

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  #15905  
Old 08-16-2018, 05:31 PM
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Sadly debunked.
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  #15906  
Old 08-16-2018, 08:39 PM
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Originally Posted by teg View Post
Aww, that's disappointing.
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  #15907  
Old 08-17-2018, 06:45 AM
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Aww, that's disappointing.
Not for the raccoon.
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  #15908  
Old 08-17-2018, 08:32 AM
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"Use Racoon with breathalyzer" sounds like a puzzle solution in a point-and-click adventure game.
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  #15909  
Old 08-17-2018, 09:01 AM
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Quote:
See, that's the problem with picking apart the logic of the Cars universe. Given enough time, you'll eventually type out the phrase "tractor milk" on purpose.
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  #15910  
Old 08-19-2018, 03:14 PM
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  #15911  
Old 08-19-2018, 03:40 PM
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It still blows my mind that, 20 years later, Joe Rogan is the most famous person alive from the cast of News Radio.
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  #15912  
Old 08-19-2018, 03:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WisteriaHysteria View Post
It still blows my mind that, 20 years later, Joe Rogan is the most famous person alive from the cast of News Radio.
He may be the most popular, but none of them bring an excited smile to my face as quickly as Stephen Root.
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  #15913  
Old 08-19-2018, 08:39 PM
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I mean, I don't think anyone looked at the guy and predicted his career path as being "Larry King for meatheads and fascists"
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  #15914  
Old 08-21-2018, 10:49 AM
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Quote:
I really don't like the floor. The floor at the supermarket looks much better. This floor looks uncomfortable and I know more than the producers about what show they want to make.
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  #15915  
Old 08-23-2018, 11:58 AM
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Y'all can keep at it with that “Romeo and Juliet fell in love in five days how immature” shiz but Macbeth went from no murder to yes murder in like one afternoon and I feel like one of those is a significantly bigger problem than the other
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  #15916  
Old 08-23-2018, 12:26 PM
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Hell, he went from "No murder" to "Yes Murder" to "KILL EVERYONE" over the course of a long weekend.
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  #15917  
Old 08-23-2018, 03:22 PM
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Plus it had that mean lady who kicked out his dog, Spot.
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  #15918  
Old 08-24-2018, 01:03 PM
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Quote:
Fuk off while Im dancing with this demon Im a fkn kebablover you dont talk to me like that, ever heard of pancakes?? Yeaaah bro I love that shit, Yeah cum on your pancakes, spread it all over and roll them, yeaaaah, HIIT THE FUUCKING FLOOOR (bassdrop) Ey you got drugs? Yeah ive got drugs take my pancakes bye.
Quote:
Sorry, sometimes my neighbors swan and his uncle’s goldfish borrow my computer
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  #15919  
Old 08-25-2018, 05:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Büge View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sprite View Post
This is why evolution gave us the power bottom mutation.
If it's a recessive trait then there are some people who have one of each gene and are carriers - or switches as I believe they're called.
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  #15920  
Old 08-30-2018, 06:42 PM
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Quote:
The weak crumble, are slaughtered and are erased from history while the strong, for good or for ill, survive. The strong are respected, and alliances are made with the strong, and in the end peace is made with the strong.
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  #15921  
Old 08-30-2018, 06:44 PM
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You hear that, blue cheese? You're WEAK!
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  #15922  
Old 08-30-2018, 08:59 PM
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I hate to break the rules a little, but context is needed to really and truly savor the deliciousness of this statement.

The following was said about Dragon Quest 11 in a review on major gaming website:

Quote:
Yes, pressing a button to advance dialogue is pretty standard in the genre, but it turns cutscenes into tiresome quick-time events instead of a cinematic moment.
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  #15923  
Old 08-30-2018, 09:05 PM
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To be fair, if you don't press the button at exactly the right time, you fail the cutscene and have to watch it again.
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  #15924  
Old 08-31-2018, 03:15 PM
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  #15925  
Old 08-31-2018, 03:48 PM
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I googled that and when I saw the source my first reaction was "Of course that's who it was."
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  #15926  
Old 09-01-2018, 09:20 PM
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Woke Giant, retro political art for third century America
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  #15927  
Old 09-02-2018, 09:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnny Unusual View Post
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  #15928  
Old 09-04-2018, 07:24 PM
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Quote:
So I just went with my buddy while he got a rib tattoo, and they hurt like a lot, so he’s over there grimacing and being a huge manbaby so I just reach over and grab his hand so he can squeeze it because I’m a good person who helps others

And he’s clinging to my hand like it’s a life preserver and I’m being me and talking about nonsense like Grimace from the McDonalds commercials and how R2D2 is always ready to throw hands, and whatever, and the artist keeps glancing over at me and I’m like do your tattoo bro I’ve got my buddy handled

But then I realize he’s like, looking over because he can’t tell if he’s seeing something or not, and I glance down and I see my rainbow scalemail bracelet, and how I’m talking to my buddy all fondly and I’m like stroking his arm like he’s a wounded animal, and right as it clicks in my head the tattoo artist asks in his most nonchalant voice possible, like intentionally bland, I’m just talking about the weather haha what do you mean voice:

“So, are you guys close?”

And my gay ass is over to the side internally screaming because yeah, I am gay, but like this is just me being a good bro and my buddy is COMPLETELY OBLVIOUS TO WHAT IS HAPPENING BECAUSE HE’S A GARBAGE STRAIGHT PERSON AND HE SAYS

“Yeah of course, that’s why I asked him to come”

SO NOW THE TATTOO ARTIST THINKS HE’S RIGHT AND HE HAS A GAY COUPLE GETTING A TATTOO AND MY BUDDY HAS NO IDEA AND I’M AWKWARDLY SITTING HERE LIKE SHOULD I STOP HOLDING HIS HAND??? SHOULD I CORRECT THIS TATTOO ARTIST??? SHOULD I LET MY BUDDY KNOW??? MY GAY ASS DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE BEING INCORRECTLY ACCUSED OF BEING GAY, WHAT DO YOU DO

So that tattoo artist is like “Cool man, that’s great. Good for you.”

So then my buddy is like can I get some water, and the guy comes back with one bottle of water and my buddy takes a drink and then hands it to me, and I’m like obviously he has to lay down and needs me to hold his water so I just hold it in my hand, but turns out he was offering me water, so he turns to me and is like Colton, drink some water, and I take a drink and my garbage lizard brain is like “You’re drink sharing in front of the tattoo artist, now he KNOWS he’s right”

So we’re talking about tattoos with the artist and I mention that I’m getting a tattoo in September and my buddy is like “Yeah I’m gonna go and hold HIS hand for that one haha” and the tattoo artist FUCKING SAYS “I mean, I should hope so”

I MEAN, I SHOULD HOPE SO



I MEAN, I SHOULD HOPE SO



AND NO ONE ACTUALLY BROUGHT IT UP. I KNEW WHAT THE TATTOO ARTIST WAS THINKING BUT DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING TO CORRECT HIM. NOW WHEN MY BUDDY GOES BACK AND GETS HIS NEXT TATTOO IN THE FUTURE AND I’M NOT THERE HE’S GOING TO GO “OH WHERE’S YOUR BOYFRIEND”
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  #15929  
Old 09-05-2018, 02:21 PM
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  #15930  
Old 09-05-2018, 03:11 PM
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@Teg

I go shopping and stuff here in town with my bff, and we're both straight, but we've definitely been mistaken for a couple on multiple occasions and we take huge pride/humor in it. He remarked on this once after we'd gone to get dog food and the cashier had asked us about "our baby." I was like "YOU'RE the one who wanted the dog!"
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