The Return of Talking Time

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  #91  
Old 10-22-2018, 08:53 AM
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I swear I'm trying to update this list faster than I have been;

#37



Birdo

(38 Points, Is the girl of Lokis Dreams)

Traits:
Can sneeze out its young
According to the manual, is an ostrich
Possibly hallucinatory
Romantically attached to a dino-horse


Up next on our tour is one of the more... biologically perplexing dinosaurs our genetic fungineers created; Birdo. A dinosaur that has a cloaca in its face, which is uses as a form of personal defense; firing its own young out of its nose. Or possibly it's mouth. Several of our Fungineers came to blows debating which hole that thing counts as and still haven't spoke to each other since. In any case, the inspiration for Birdo came from a local handy-man explaining a weird dream he had at length in order to fill that awkward silence that come from hiring someone to come in and work in your home and not knowing how to deal with them.

Birdo is a recurring... antagonist, I guess we'll say, in the Super Mario franchise; mainly noted for her bright pink scales and, especially, ability to fire eggs, cannonball-like, out of her gigantic face-hole. She first appeared as a recurring boss in Super Mario Brothers 2, appearing as a stage boss in two-thirds of the levels of the game, she's gone on to appear in the Mario Party and Sports games, where she's frequently considered to be Yoshis girlfriend.
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  #92  
Old 10-22-2018, 09:09 AM
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It's a mouth.
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  #93  
Old 10-22-2018, 09:12 AM
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#35



Mechagodzilla

(40 Points. Ace G-Force Pilots: Octopus Prime and Dr. Nerd

Traits:
Basically a pile of guns shaped like a dinosaur
So many guns
Like... all the guns
Built by space apes
Also made out of several crappier robots
Also made out of Godzillas own corpse
But really... it's mainly guns in there


Buckle in folks, the next... several... padlocks all belong to the same exhibit; a special loan from Japans special anti-kaiju defense force The G-Force, we have Mechagodzilla. You see, a few years back, Japan had some bad troubles with giant nuclear dinosaurs. As I'm sure you are well aware. And pretty much all their efforts to deal with that only sort of worked. So eventually, their top scientists shrugged and said "well, if those things only sort of worked apart, then they're SURE to work if we mash them together!". And that plan worked a bit better.

...Or at least that's what the placard says on the middle one, the rides moving a bit too fast to explain the rest of them.


Mechagodzilla is a frequent enemy opponent of Godzilla in that franchise; usually being depicted as being somewhat heroic, despite its fierce efforts to kill the title character. The original Mechagodzilla (shown in The Cosmic Monster and The Terror of Mechagodzilla) was an incredibly powerful alien weapon sent to Earth in an effort to discredit and destroy Godzilla, and proved to be dangerous enough to require two entire movies to finish off. In the later Mechagozilla 2, it was an invention of the heroic (ish) G-Force, a GI Joe-esque team that helped protect Japan from Kaiju attacks, built by combining technology from several of the special anti-Godzilla weapons from earlier movies. And I didn't see Tokyo SOS, so I can't really comment on that one, except that that one was built out of Godzillas own corpse.

I'm sure I'll explain how that works in the future.
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  #94  
Old 10-22-2018, 09:29 AM
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#34



Rodan

(41 Points, Conservation was a worry for Beta Metroid)

Traits:
Implausibly Fast
Likes it warm
Full of power-up sparkles
It's actually supposed to be pronounced Rad-on
I don't care, I'm sticking with the way it's spelled.


And apparently we're still in the Godzilla wing of the island (side-bar, gonna have to talk to the higher-ups about changing this tour-route), because our next exhibit is his good buddy, Rodan. Or possibly Radon. I've heard it both ways. Anyway, this pretty lady-turned-movie star came directly from the caldera of an active volcano, where she was founding kidnapping miners to feed to her babies. But eventually her diet evened out and she was known to help Godzilla fight common foes, like, a bunch of times. Not too shabby for a giant lizard-bird that can inexplicably stay airborne.

Rodan is a frequent friend and ally of Godzilla, appearing in a great many of his films and spinoffs, despite debuting by headlining in an unrelated movie. Rodan is a gigantic, mutated Pteranodon (hence the name) that was originally discovered when some miners dug into its nest and disturbed a hive of giant underground worms that it had previously been feeding on. In one film, when killed, Rodan turned into a cloud of glowing sparkles that healed a badly injured Godzilla and gave him new abilities. Which went by without comment.
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  #95  
Old 10-22-2018, 09:36 AM
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Excuse me it was the giant prehistoric bugs that were eating the miners.
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  #96  
Old 10-22-2018, 09:47 AM
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I had Birdo in the middle of my list. A lovable pink weirdo.
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  #97  
Old 10-22-2018, 09:53 AM
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Gah! I'm a Birdo fan so this was a big forget for me! Doggonit!
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  #98  
Old 10-23-2018, 08:51 PM
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.......I think I voted for Birdo...
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  #99  
Old 11-02-2018, 02:36 PM
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#33



Little Foot

(43 Points. Adopted by: Pizzarino Sbarro)

Traits:
A baby that looks like an old man
Is good at making friends
Played by, like, nine different guys
There is more controversial Land Before Time fanfiction shipping than I suspected


Now get your tissues out folks, because our next exhibit made everyone cry back in 1988! Presumably he did not in his consequent dozen-ish appearances, but that first time, HOO BOY! It's Little Foot, the little baby Apatosaurus that looks like an old man and who has a dead mom and was menaced by a tyrannosaur while leading other orphans to safety. Then... I don't know, spent fifteen or sixteen movies singing about how nice it is to have friends. Never really got the feeling that the sequels carried the same emotional arc as the original.

Littlefoot is the main character in the Land Before Time series of animated movies, and one of the only characters to appear in every entry. He is an very young Apatosaurus (or "Long Neck" to use the films parlance) who was orphaned when his mother was killed during a migratory trek to an oasis of fertile plants, and he winds up befriending (instead of being very racist to) a number of other orphaned dinosaurs who are on a similar journey. According to the Land Before Time wiki regarding Littlefoot fanfiction:
Quote:
In a lot of fanwork, the characters Littlefoot and Ali fall in love with each other, and if the story focuses on their adult years, they often get married.[29][30][31][32][33][34] Some fans argue this theme promotes incest,[35] as they are cousins, though apparently not first cousins. Some fans have written fanfictions in which Littlefoot and Cera get into a relationship, which often evolves into a conflict with his relationship with Ali.[36][37]
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  #100  
Old 11-02-2018, 03:03 PM
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#32



Black and Rust Tyranno

(43 Points, Voted "Most Electrifying" by Kirin

Traits:
Not well grounded
Gets the important boss music
Friends with the boss
Possibly meteor proof?


Keep your heads on a swivel and look to your left and right and you'll see our next attractions; the Black Tyranno and Rust Tyranno! Some of our FUNgineers and boardroom staff argued whether they counted as one creature or two and quickly came to blows. In fact, if you look in the Jürassic Parkland breakroom, you can see that they're STILL fighting over it. Makes it hard to enjoy a coffee and ramenbowl, let me tell you!

Anyway, Black Tyranno was a living weapon created by the dinosaur queen Azala in order to completely wipe out the human race sixty five million years ago, but was stopped when a giant organic meteor crashed into it. And, millions of years later, explorers who discovered the impact site of that meteor found an identical monster still standing there. Nature is weird sometimes.


The Black and Rust Tyrannos are boss monsters from the JRPG Chrono Trigger, Black is encountered roughly midway through the game, as the final challenge posed by Azala, queen of a race of anthropomorphic dinosaurs called the Reptites. The Black Tyranno is enormously powerful, but takes some time to build up energy before it can use its most dangerous attacks, and is greatly weakened when exposed to electricity.

Later, in an optional quest, you can explore the ruins of the Reptite castle millions of years later and find the MUCH stronger, but otherwise identical Rust Tyranno standing exactly where the Black died, guarding the most powerful mineral on the planet; the Rainbow Shell.
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  #101  
Old 11-02-2018, 04:20 PM
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So apparently votes for a certain dino in different guises weren't folded together, which means my #1 was cruelly skipped over.
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  #102  
Old 11-03-2018, 11:28 AM
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That aside, Littlefoot and Black/Rust Tyranno are both excellent choices. Naturally I forgot to vote for both.
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  #103  
Old 11-04-2018, 08:45 AM
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The Littlefoot fanfic rabbit hole Octo gazed into begins to tell a story I do not want to see finished.
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  #104  
Old 11-04-2018, 08:58 AM
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There are 12 Land Before Time sequels, the latest came out just a scant two years ago.

Quote:
The film features the voices of Damon Wayans Jr. and country singer Reba McEntire,
Don Bluth is spinning in his grave.
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  #105  
Old 11-04-2018, 10:39 AM
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But Don Bluth is still alive.
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  #106  
Old 11-04-2018, 10:50 AM
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well, that doesn’t stop him from spinning regardless.
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  #107  
Old 11-04-2018, 02:27 PM
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"Mr Bluth, please stop - you're just making yourself dizzy."
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  #108  
Old 11-04-2018, 03:45 PM
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Constant spinning would explain Rock-A-Doodle.
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  #109  
Old 11-06-2018, 09:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnny Unusual View Post
Constant spinning would explain Rock-A-Doodle.
There's the Don Bluth so-so deep cut I wanted to type earlier. Glad you remembered that for me, Johnny. lol
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  #110  
Old 11-10-2018, 09:49 AM
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#31



Theodore T. Rex

(44 Points, Pizzarino Sbarro is really just a big fan of Whoopi Goldberg)

Traits:
Is a cop
Lives in the future
Solves dinosaur murders
Like... the murder of dinosaurs. Sorry, should have been clearer.


Moving right along to our next exhibit, we have the futures toughest law-man! Not counting Robocop or Judge Dredd, at least. Toughest non-human one at least! Well... toughest non-human detective to meet Whoopi Goldberg. It's Theodore Rex! Preserved just as he was after saving the world from the evil Elizar Kane.

...what, why are you looking at me like that?

No, we
didn't just throw an old Planet Hollywood in the middle of our park and say it's an attraction!

No, I'm not going to comment on why the corporate bought several defunct Planet Hollywoods shortly before construction on the park started!

Security! Please escort that couple back to the visitor center.


Theodore Rex was a detective in the film Theodore Rex, where he worked alongside Whoopi Goldberg in the homicide division, tracking the murders of several prominent dinosaurs to an evil billionaire who planned on destroying the world. And that;s about all the info I could glean because much of the Internets coverage of this movie was just snuffling and saying "What a bad movie, amirite?" and, man, that's not helpful for my purposes, internet.
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  #111  
Old 11-10-2018, 10:00 AM
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...I've never heard of this
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  #112  
Old 11-10-2018, 10:11 AM
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#30



Barney

(44 Points, Gerard learned all about the magic of imagination)

Traits:
Triple-Threat, can sing, dance and act
Star of stage and screen
Has yet to win an EGOT
Playing the theme song is a literal war-crime


I humbly ask, now, that we remain silent as we pass our next exhibit. On your lleft, you will see one of the few true great thespians of the modern age; Bernard Dinosaur. Some of you may already be familiar with Bernards contributions to world culture, as he has been steadily shaping young minds with regularity from 1992 through 2015, but less known is his career in the legitimate arts. He had starring roles in several Hollywood films, his name higher on the marquee than even the title of the films and he has also tread the boards of legitimate theater.

He also had a brief foray into military service where his chart topping single was used to psychologically torture POWs until the UN intervened.


Barney the Dinosaur is the titular star of a long-running PBS show aimed at pre-schoolers. In each episode, Barney would appear before a group of small children and teach them about... something or other, and also friendship and imagination. His curriculum was very much Friendship and Imagination based. He's also had a couple of direct-to-video movies that did not review terribly well, as most film critics are not literally 4 years old.

Ron Johnsons book "The Men Who Stare At Goats" also covered how the Barney themesong was used as a means to psychologically break POWs in Iraq prior to interrogation.

Which is way darker than anything I could have ever anticipated coming up when I googled "Barney the Dinosaur"
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  #113  
Old 11-10-2018, 03:56 PM
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Barney hit right when I was in middle school, so of course my friends and I mocked him relentlessly. With the wisdom of age I now see that a show with a friendly dino and decent production values that teaches kids not to be assholes is an all around good thing.
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  #114  
Old 11-10-2018, 05:23 PM
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I have never seen Theodore Rex but that poster was a goddamn winner, to me, in the 90s.

I’ve watched a few Land Before Time sequels but I was “too old” (still probably under 10) to appreciate them. The first film was a childhood staple, though, and I had a big Littlefoot plush.
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  #115  
Old 11-10-2018, 05:26 PM
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Theodore Rex’s shoes... u know, I respect the creativity but I think they are kinda dumb. He’d be better off without them.
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  #116  
Old 11-10-2018, 09:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Octopus Prime View Post
He's also had a couple of direct-to-video movies that did not review terribly well, as most film critics are not literally 4 years old.
And a direct-to-movie theatre movie, because occasionally people forget bringing 4 year olds into a theatre is a bad idea (re: The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure, which I swear I didn't make up).
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  #117  
Old 11-11-2018, 12:00 AM
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I actually have seen Theodore Rex. It's not great but watchable. Good suitmation effects.
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  #118  
Old Yesterday, 06:02 AM
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#29


Denver: The Last Dinosaur

(45 Points, More than a Friend to: Rivers)

Traits:
Accomplished guitarest
Excellent Skateboarder
Possesses a magical egg full of dino-knowledge
Named "Danu Danasur" in India
Sought by a greedy record producer for poorly explained reasons
Is a whole lot more than a friend


Our next exhibit is perhaps the most culturally significant park resident; as he is both the last dinosaur and also an accomplished skateboarding rock star. Which, really makes it kind of weird that he's right in the middle of the tour. Might want to rearrange things a bit on the tour, Dave. Denver, here, was found by a group of multicultural pals from Los Angeles who were playing in the La Brea Tarpits, and who quickly made his incredible skill with a guitar and skateboard well known. Denver, in fact, volunteered to move to Jürassic Parkland for privacy sake in order to avoid a corrupt record producer who wanted to exploit him and cash in on his certain popularity.

...which, in retrospect, really makes me wonder why he's on the tour at all.
Dave? Dave, we really got to fix this.

Denver the Last Dinosaur is the main character in the edutainment series of the same name. According to Wikipedia; "The show revolves around the adventures of Denver, the last dinosaur, who was released from his egg by a group of California teens: Jeremy, Mario, Shades, Wally, and Casey, along with tag-along older sister, Heather. The kids taught Denver the finer points of skateboarding and other pastimes while protecting him from rock concert promoter Morton Fizzback who wanted to use the dinosaur to make money."

At least once an episode, Denver would use the pieces of his egg as a magical super-computer in order to teach the kids about dinosaurs, usually when some dino-facts wound up being relevant to their lives in some way. The show received a CG revival a couple of months ago and this is the first I've ever heard about that.
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  #119  
Old Yesterday, 06:16 AM
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I have no recollection of the record producer character. Also, what were the finer points of skateboarding, Denver? Is it be a dinosaur? Because that's all I learned from your show.

EDIT: It just occurred to me that "He's my friend and a whole lot more." might imply that Denver and the singer of the theme song are dating.
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  #120  
Old Yesterday, 06:22 AM
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#28



Aargh! Aargh! I'm Dying You Idiot! Sinclair

(45 Points, Got Love from Dr. Nerd)

Traits:
Irascible
Possible Dino-Jesus
Is Also Elmo
Is a baby
You must, therefor, love him


Our next enclosure is the the youngest child of the guy who previously killed the entire Dinosaur species; Aargh! Aargh! I'm Dying You Idiot! Sinclair. Later legally named "Baby" for simplicity sake. We're... not really sure what to put on the information placard for this exhibit as we're still not quite sure what it's species is; the father was a megalosaurus and the mother is an allosaurus and as far as we can tell, those species aren't even biologically compatible. Regardless, in addition to being infamous for being the son of the man who destroyed their race, Baby was also briefly the dinosaur messiah after sprouting a golden wish-granting horn, but it eventually fell off and he was quickly forgotten.

You may consider it needlessly cruel to keep an infant locked in a cage, but in our defense, he is an awful child. He keeps hitting park workers with frying pans while insisting that they love him.


Baby Sinclair is the youngest, and most Bart-like (as were required in sitcoms) child of the Sinclair family on Dinosaurs; the first episode covering his hatching, and the final episode involving his death via encroaching ice age (sleep tight, kids). As he was the most marketable character on the show, many episodes revolved around him, dealing with him entering his terrible twos (as an Exorcist parody), briefly becoming a religious figure because he sprouted a magical horn, and, most memorably (to me at least), being legally named Aargh! Aargh! I'm Dying You Idiot! because the actuary suffered a heart attack in the middle of filling out his birth certificate.

Baby is also the longest-lasting puppet on the show, being the only intact one remaining as of 2014.
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